Tag: Drama

If you saw the trailer for Side Effects, you probably found yourself confused. It tells you practically nothing; something about pills, a doctor/therapist/pharmacist getting in trouble, and maybe someone dying. There really isn’t enough here to convince the average person to check out the film. But what if “mysterious” is what the movie was going for? A trailer for a few weeks many months away, then nothing, and let the lack of any ads drive people in droves to figure it all out.

Yeah. That’s a terrible strategy.

No amount of thinking will make this a good strategy, Jude.

Emily Taylor (Rooney Mara) is a lonely woman. She used to suffer pretty hard from depression. Why? Because her husband (Channing Tatum) was sent off to jail for four years for insider trading.

Well he is finally back and they can get their life back on track and everything will be great again! Right?! Wrong! Bam, Emily crashes her car on purpose and sent to the hospital. There she meets Dr. Jonathan Banks (Jude Law), who reluctantly lets her back home despite the attempt on her own life, but only if she will come to therapy sessions a few days a week and take some anti-depression pills.

But every pill has its own side effects associated with it, which could lead to irrational behavior and other strange issues. Also featuring Vinessa Shaw as girlfriend of Dr. Banks, and Catherine Zeta-Jones as her former psychiatrist.

“I just don’t understand doc, what’s wrong with sticking your dick in crazy?”

Hopefully you noticed I still tried to keep the plot description vague, because frankly, it helps. Going in to see this movie, I knew nothing, which is how I prefer to watch films anyways. I am glad the trailer was vague and didn’t give the entire movie away. So I tried to keep the favor for you readers, but give you a bit more detail to hopefully spark some interest. Because, as it turns out, Side Effects is pretty darn good!

Not only is it directed by Steven Soderbergh (Who has given us the Ocean’s Trilogy, The Informant!“, and “Magic Mike“. Okay, one of those doesn’t belong), but it is apparently going to be his last film for awhile. Officially, he is retiring, but I am sure that within a decade he will be back.  The only person to successfully quit the film industry has been Rick Moranis.

Side Effects is more than a simple “Who Dunnit” story by focusing more on the why and the how. Throw in some ethical debates about the role of doctors and medicine, and you might also earn a minor in philosophy by the time the movie is through. While watching the movie, I found myself getting angry in the best way possible. I was mad at the events happening on screen, at the loopholes and the needs for a scapegoat, but most importantly I was mad that it was incredibly realistic. The actual events in the movie I don’t think would ever happen in real life, but the reactions to those events were so spot on, I almost did a little “This is what’s wrong with the country!” rant in my head.

If you want to have some emotion evoked in your movie watching experience, I suggest checking out Side Effects. Give Steven Sonderbergh a reason to come back to film in a few years.

My quest to see The Master has been a long and lonesome journey. I guess with a name like The Master, it is kind of hard to NOT have a quest.

But this came out to the theaters before I had a chance to go to all the new ones, it never went to the cheap theater, and it doesn’t come out until the week AFTER the Academy Awards. No, this picture wasn’t nominated for Best Picture, but it was nominated for 3 of the 4 Best Actor/Actress/Supporting categories, making it just as important. Gosh, why did it have to make me go to such unsavory methods to see the film?

At least Amour has a BP nomination, so I can see it through one of those movie theater marathons.

Oh shit, you are a charismatic looking man. I guess if you tell me to like the movie, I will.

Sex. Sex. Sex. Some people can’t get enough of it. Take young Freddie Quell (Joaquin Phoenix) for instance. He just got out of the navy, maybe a discharge. Loves the sex. Loves the drinking. Kind of a lost soul after the navy, no one loves him. Might have accidentally poisoned a guy too, whoops.

But then he finds a boat, wakes up on it not sure why he is there. Bunch of weirdos though, talkin’ ’bout The Cause. Lancaster Dodd (Philip Seymour Hoffman) is the captain of this here boat, and he is willing to take Freddie on. Just might do some testing on him, some personal questions to get into his core. He probed really deep.

Freddie finds himself attracted to Lancaster’s charismatic ways and agrees to stay on board and help him spread his message. A cult? Maybe, yes, but what else does he have going on?

Lancaster thinks he can help Freddie, cure him of his addictions to sex and alcohol, while Freddie is just looking for a place to fit in. But can he change? Just who is The Master anyways?

Also feautring Amy Adams as Lancaster’s wife, Ambyr Childers as his daughter, and Jesse Plemons as his son.

“You know what would make this morning go better? Some sex and alcohol.”

Before I saw The Master, I was pretty dang certain that Christoph Waltz would win the Oscar for Best Supporting Actor. He was amazing in Django Unchained, he was a main actor in that movie, and there is no way that Philip Seymour Hoffman would have done better.

Well… I am not as sure anymore. PSH was excellent in this movie (and again, arguably just as important as Joaquin Phoenix). The scenes for everyone were really well acted, I just think PSH stood above the rest. There are so many examples of fine acting in this movie, the most famous of which will be the first “questioning session” between the two. Not a Doctor Who reference, but the not blinking scene? Great. I mean, yes, I am annoyed that there was blinking anyways, took a bit of it away, but still a pretty great scene. I also loved his reaction to the individual who was calling him a cult leader. Fantastic.

The Master has layers upon layers of potential themes you can take away from them, so I will not spend the time to go over any of them. Really, the movie is what you make of it. I know I am going to see it again, at least once, to try and get an overall better grasp.

Just some minor nitpicky things would prevent me from giving it the big score.

Who doesn’t have fond memories playing Paperboy as a kid?

Oh wait, shit, I don’t. Huh. I never had that game. Ever. Or tried to play it. I think it involved throwing newspapers in mailboxes or porches, getting chased by assholes and dogs. Sounds about right. Either way, my intro has failed me.

Oh right, The Paperboy. some movie, based on a fictional book, and maybe creepy.

Zac Efron doing his best to not get type-casted is pretty dang creepy.

In this movie, there was a racist and bad sheriff, who got murdered. No one really liked him, but Hillary Van Wetter (John Cusack) was sent to prison regardless.

Years later, a local paper is trying to prove his innocence. We have the brothers, Ward (Matthew McConaughey) and Jack Jansen (Zac Efron) and a black British man, Yardley Acheman (David Oyelowo), all working on the case! I should probably mention this is also during the civil rights movement during the 1960s, which is why his Britishness matters.

But they have an additional ally. Charlotte Bless (Nicole Kidman), Hillary’s wife. Yes, Hillary is a man. Kidman is white trash, yes, but she can let them get to Hillary, who for some reason doesn’t give a shit that he is in prison. Minus the fact that he misses dat body.

Either way, lots of dramatic shit happens, they might succeed, and other bad things might happen as well. Of course Jack also falls in love with Charlotte. Because that leads to drama. Oh, Macy Gray is also the narrator and a maid.

‘Fierce’ – A new perfume by Kidman

Well, this movie probably gets my “Weird movie of the week” award. It was eerie and strange to watch it, but it was hard to actually point out why.

Definitely a slow going movie, where everything is done for a reason. I found it a bit hard to follow the story, was a bit disjointed in the beginning. John Cusack definitely played a role like I have never seen before. Like a deranged Earl.

The real star of this movie is Nicole Kidman. She acted the fuck out of this movie, and she is the best part. But the eeriness and strange story kind of put me off, not to mention the slow moving plot points. Eventually on youtube will be a compilation of Kidman’s best scenes from the movie, and you should watch that. The actual movie itself? Up for debate, but I wouldn’t recommend it.

Ah, another movie that I watch knowing nothing about. Who doesn’t love these?

But I will figure it out from the title. Cosmopolis. Uhh. City life. And Fashion. Yeah, lets’s say that.

Or a space odyssey. Yeah, I got nothing.

Featuring a kick ass limo. For 75% of the movie!

Eric Packer (Robert Pattinson) is a big CEO billionaire in NYC. Yes, he is young too. Get at him girls.

But today, he wants a haircut. Only one place will do. Problem is there is bad traffic, and he is stuck inside his limo most of the way. Weird shit going on, protests, riots, whatever. So a lot of the movie takes place inside his limo, as he has meetings, sex, and appears elsewhere without notice.

I could describe it all and tag all the people, but frankly, it is confusing and hard to remember. I was lost, and I hated myself for watching it. Sounds intense, but it is true.

The last 20 minutes, however, features Paul Giamatti. Did you know someone was trying to assassinate Eric as well? Shit. That sucks. But who does Paul play and why would he want to kill a harmless billionaire?

Look at Robert. LOOK AT HIM. So fancy.

Cosmopolis is about 100 minutes, and that leaves about 70-80 minutes of confusing material.

I had to rewatch the ending before giving this review, because the conversation between the two is quite long and deep, and I wanted to make sure I got it all in. The conversation itself was a great one, but I wouldn’t say it excuses the first 4/5 of the movie for being confusing and strange.

If you watch it, and can understand it all, let me know. Again, the ending I thought was very deep and almost even well acted (thanks to Paul G). Robert Pattinson wan’t actually bad, just his character was emotionally distant so it was hard to like or care about.

Maybe the book makes more sense?

Hooray, my 700th review, and a new chapter to my Milestone reviews! I promised about fifty review ago that my 700th review would be an indepth analysis of R. Kelly‘s Trapped In The Closet. This wouldn’t be the first time I promised something and didn’t fully deliver, so I am not too upset.

Basically, I had no idea how I wanted to write this review. As of right now, there are 33 chapters to this thing. If I actually wanted to do the real analysis, for all of it, it would be the longest thing I’ve wrote on here. TOO long. It would take a lot of time too, and well, I’d rather have all of these finished within 2 hours personally.

So I figure this will just be the first part of many for the Trapped In The Closet series. Videos have been (so far) released in four parts, but I figure dividing it into 3 is better.

Not to leave you poor saps hanging, here are links to the first 12 Chapters, in four parts. (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4). You have 40 minutes? Watch this shit right now. Seen it before? Watch it again. I think it goes without saying that this will be FULL of Spoilers.

Chapters 1-3…

The first five chapters set the entire series in motion as they were the original bundle. Not as many actors involved, but it keeps the rhythmic beat throughout it setting the tone for the rest of the Hip Hopera.

We get to meet Sylvester (Kelly) finding himself in a strange place, apparently having cheated on his wife with another woman Cathy (LeShay Tomlinson). Cathy, well, she cheated on her husband Rufus (Rolando Boyce) as well. Just a lot of people making bad decisions.

Like oversleeping. Kelly finds himself in the damn closet because the husband is home early, and knows what up. Too bad he finds Sylvester and Sylverster pulls out his gun! Guns solve problems of disputes, especially ones like this. But when Rufus reveals his secret that he has been cheating too, it just makes sense. The fact that it is with a dude, Chuck (Malik Middleton)? That is where the fan gets covered with shit. Sylverster is just stuck there, watching it all crumble. For whatever reason, even though he can easily leave, he chooses to watch it fall down. But eventually he gets sick of this shit, calls his home, and oh snap. A man picked up his phone!

Even Priests can get mad. Rufus so mad.

Chapters 4-7…

Shit Sylvester. You better get home, now that you are super damn mad. But not speeding. That is ridiculous. Look at you, getting a speeding ticket in the middle of your song. Come on guy, fix your shit.

He gets home, and well, there is just his wife Gwendolyn (Cat Wilson). Who was that man? Apparently her brother Twan, whatever. So they have sex, Sylvester bitches out, cramped leg, but finds a condom. Oh snap, bitches be lyin’!

So after another argument, and realization that everyone in the world cheats on everyone, he gets to hear the bombshell. That cop that pulled him over was her lover! Whaaaaaaat!

Originally after that, the series was over, and after Chapter 5, the series takes a few new twists and lyrical turns.

For whatever reason, the cop (Michael Kenneth Williams) comes back and pulls out his gun. Recurring themes and all. They fight for awhile, and shoot a gun. Then there is some missleading awkwardness for half a song, not saying anything about it. Somehow, there is a wild Twan (Eric Lane) on the ground! But don’t worry, he was in prison. He is fine, they kick the cop out of the house, and oh shit, Rosy the Nosy Neighbor (LaDonna Tittle).

With. A. Fucking. Spatula! In Her hand! How does that do anything about them guns!?

Chapters 8-11…

Well, now that THAT is all taken care of, everyone can be happy because everyone was cheated on. Let’s go see what the police officer is doing. Because Rosy isn’t exciting right now.

He gets home. OH SHIT HE HAS A WIFE TOO. SHE IS WHITE. A WHITE WIFE. A WHITE LITTLE BIT BIGGER WIFE. First white person of the series actually, and she is southern, despite it all being R. Kelly’s voice. Bridget (Rebecca Field) is all nervous too. Oh no, here we go again. SHE HAS BEEN CHEATING TOO.

EVERYONE IS CHEATING ON EVERYONE. SO MUCH SEX. But the man she cheated on him with is still in the house too, just not in the closet.

Good old copper finds the man under the sink. A midget. Bridget, with midget. A MIDGET. NAMED BIG MAN (Drevon Cooks). WHY? BECAUSE HE IS BLESSED.

So instead of working it out, people pull out guns. Bridget calls the random number she found in her husbands wallet, and hey look, its Gwen. So we get a big old Mexican stand off going on here. Not only that, but Bridget is pregnant. From the midget, not the cop.

This gets so crazy, they just leave right then and there. Fuck a resolution, let them handle their own shit. Twan and Sylverster can’t handle any of it.

Good old stripping midgets, knocking up the white women.

Chapter 12…

Fuck this chapter. No, seriously. By far the most pointless chapter in the series. Pointless and annoying to listen to. Did I mention pointless?

This whole chapter is a phone call between Cathy and Gwen. We found out they were friends, making Cathy even more of a bitch. The whole conversation is of the two talking about the shit that went down. Eventually Cathy realizes she was with Gwens husband, admits it, and that is it.

That. Is. IT! Then it was done, for two years. This lack of any sort of cliffhanger bullshit was how it ended for 2 whole years. It is just infuriating, given that we already knew everything in that chapter.

“Bitch, you were my friend!”

How can you describe a a movie as perfect as these 11 chapters with a shitty chapter tacked onto the end? Honestly, it is hard to describe it.

But if it does its duty, the tune will be stuck in your head for days. Maybe making your own rhymes to boot. Afterall, it was a pretty big deal. It got a South Park parody, and a Weird Al parody too. But even better, R. Kelly makes a fool of himself to make you laugh, and it works.

Just wait for part 2. Or watch them on your own on youtube. But in part 2, we get less cheating, and more fleshing out of characters. More new characters too, half of which are played by R. Kelly, channeling his inner Eddie Murphy.

Also, if you overall hate the first 12 chapters, you are literally Hitler.

For my initial impressions of Broken City, I obviously can only look at the trailer. Lot of high energy music, camera flash noises, very exciting. Sexy scandals! Government cover ups! Black mail! Potential boredom!

To be honest, the strange flashing parts near the end of the trailer gave me a bit of a headache. Thankfully, as we all know, trailer music never makes the actual movie. Presumably there wont be awkward shutter noises either.

Here is the most actiony shot of the movie I could find on the internet. Consider it an action epilogue.

Billy Taggart (Mark Wahlberg) has done a bad bad thing. He killed a man, multiple shots. He claims he was defending himself, the other man had a gun. He was just a cop at the wrong place at the right time. The town claims it was cold blooded murder, but they had no real evidence. He was found innocent, but the public outcry was so strong, and new evidence was covered up, so the police chief (Jeffrey Wright) and mayor (Russell Crowe) had to let him go anyways.

Well, seven years later, he is a PI with an office and an assistant (Alona Tal) and a huge debt! Well, the mayor said he would remember his name, and he gives him an offer. $50,000.00 to tail his wife (Catherine Zeta-Jones), take pictures of who she is sleeping with, and find out the name of the man. Half now, half later. He also needs it quickly, because the election is a few days away, and the new guy (Barry Pepper) is giving him a lot of crap.

But why would the mayor care so much about the affair this close to an election? There has to be more important things afoot, damn it. Also featuring Kyle Chandler as the campaign manager for the new guy, and Natalie Martinez as the long term girlfriend of Billy.

“Women be cheatinnnnnnnnnnn” – Crowe

Don’t watch the trailer, don’t watch the trailer, don’t watch the trailer? You saw the trailer? Don’t watch the movie. No point.

Turns out the trailer gives a lot of it away, in terms of how the movie is going to end. It is sparse on the actual plot details and many of the characters, but outside of that, the jig is up. When the movie ended, I was mad. Why would they do that, given the trailer?

I am supposed to judge a movie on its own, but I feel like if the trailer gives you too much information, and is plastered everywhere, it should be included if it does something so egregious. I was disgusted and appalled. Heck, after the movie I found myself more confused because the trailer had scenes that were not in the movie. I had to go back and watch it to make sure. They were there, but the context was so out of place, it was pointless.

Yes, I am saying the trailer both gave too much away, and created scenes that just were not true. It can do both.

I didn’t hate the acting from Marky Mark either. Zeta-Jones felt wasted in the movie, Crowe looked weird with that skin tone/hair.

However, a lot of the plot bugged me. The actions of the characters confused me. I don’t think they explained why he was just invited into a murder scene by someone completely random. Why people let him stick around. I had no idea what was happening in the plot, and yet the whole time I felt like I knew the ending. That is a strange way to see a movie.

Confusion is not a substitute for suspense, movie makers.

When they announced the nominees for the Academy Awards this year, nothing really surprised me. Yes yes, snubs and what nots, but I had at least heard of every (American) movie on the list. Every one, but The Sessions. To be fair it was only nominated for one award, but that award is Best Actress. I mean, something crazy must be going on in that movie then, damn it.

Then I found out it was about a guy in an iron lung.

This is the best picture I could find of him in the lung. What the hell?

Originally I was mad about the concept of an iron lung, but now I am mad that there is no picture of him in the lung online. Why was I mad originally? Because, what the hell, an iron lung? Stop it. Just stop it. Iron Lungs, popular over 50 years ago, became non-existant after they fucked up Polio and got their technology on. Just popping out a movie about a guy in an iron lung wanting to lose his virginity just seems silly.

What? It’s a true story, based on the book of the guy who wrote about his life in an iron lung? Damn it. Fine. Carry on.

Mark O’Brien (John Hawkes) is in an iron lung, got the Polio when he was six, it has been a long life of laying down. He decided to become a writer, because he sure a hell couldn’t do anything else. He did poems, short stories, eventually a book on his life. Either way, he was lonely. Lonely in the pants. He was a middle aged man who hasn’t even groped a boob, let alone done the business. Hard to when you can barely move your head.

Eventually he learns about a sex surrogate. Definitely not a prostitute. Their is payment for sessions, and her job is to help him experience his sexuality, but there is a limit. The max number of sessions he can do is six, no more, certainly can do less. He gets his priest’s permission (William H. Fucking Macy), and sets up to do the business.

Who is the sex surrogate? Someone named Cheryl (Helen Hunt). She is even married, and the husband is fine with it. She leads Mark on a journey of experiencing an orgasm, full penetration, and boobs! Also, Moon Bloodgood and Annika Marks play some of his care assistants.

Spoilers – Sex Happens.

Now I know what you guys are wondering. How the hell can Helen Hunt play in a movie where he is a sex master and having sex with someone with polio. She wouldn’t get naked on camera. Would she?

Yes. Yes she would. Helen Hunt is super naked in this movie, full friggan body. And unless you are Anne Hathaway, that usually earns you a nomination.

As for the rest of the movie, it was a sweet story, if not incredible awkward. John Hawkes is probably more deserving of a nomination than Hunt, but that could just because he had a disability. We all know what happens when actors play with disabilities.

On December 26, 2004, a tsunami rocked the Indian Ocean and destroyed many islands and coastal communities. Over 230,000 lives were lost in a matter of minutes and it is one of the biggest natural disasters ever recorded in human history.

Honestly, I am surprised it took 8 years for a major movie to be made on the subject. After all, it only took 1.5 years to make a movie about the death of Osama Bin Laden, and a few months for a documentary on Michael Jackson.

Don’t tell those people in the Chasing Mavericks movie. They would surf the fuck out of this surge.

The Impossible is specifically about a family from Spain vacationing in Thailand for Christmas. Henry (Ewan McGregor) is a businessman who works in Japan, and his wife Maria (Naomi Watts) is a doctor, but no longer practices to take care of their three boys. Their boys are Lucas (Tom Holland), then Thomas (Samuel Joslin), and Simon (Oaklee Pendergast).

Then you know, huge ass wave. Maria and Lucas get swept down the current, while Henry and the younger boys get stuck in the resort area.

Turns out the acting in this movie is pretty darn great. Naomi Watts? Definitely deserves her best actress nomination. From a loving stay at home mom, to a weak and powerless person, the transition was quick and amazing to watch. Her survival rested solely on the shoulders of her oldest son,as the two were now equals while they were alone in the desecrated landscape. Tom Holland has been in theater for awhile, but this was his first movie role, and it was similarly knocked out of the park. Large portions of the film were left to him to carry, and he made it his bitch.

Finally, Ewan McGregor acted pretty strongly in the film as well. Despite the disaster in front of him, he continued to try and fit into his role as protector and provider for the family. He had to make multiple hard decisions before they were reunited, separating himself from his children, looking for his wife and other son, and helping others along the way. Plus, as a bonus, his sob sounds identical to how it did in Moulin Rouge, even after eleven years.

First, this log. Tomorrow, the world!

Despite the strong acting from the main three, the film suffered elsewhere. I loved the realism in term of the flooding and its lack of heavy CGI to get the effect they needed. But I think the film took too many liberties when it came to the actual story. Most notably, before the reunion, there was a pretty long scene of the multiple groups wandering around the same hospital, but continuously missing another party by a few seconds. It really cheapened it for me, for a film that was priding itself in its realism.

I also didn’t like that it seemed to create false suspense by only showing a couple character for long periods of time…even though the trailer and true story aspect give away certain “secrets”. We can’t not know that members of the family survived the initial onslaught thanks to the trailer, so stop trying to make it seem that way.

The rating for this movie I also felt should have been an R. Based on similar scenes in movies, I think it all of it is a bit too much with all of the injuries that occur. I almost threw up on a quick flash of a leg injury, given the detail in the makeup.

As expected, The Impossible is an incredibly sad film, but at the same time, a bit of an inspiring one.

It took me awhile to get excited about Zero Dark Thirty. I mean, what, Osama Bin Laden died a year and a half ago? It didn’t help that its original trailer was boring as crap (The second one was a lot better!). I was also a pretty big skeptic when I heard it was directed by Kathryn Bigelow. How can I trust a movie about this subject so close to the actual event? There is no way that a lot of the actual information was declassified that quickly, given the subject. Unless of course, because she made The Hurt Locker, she clearly deserves the information and resources to make another war movie?

Just seems a bit unfair is all I am saying.

You know what else is unfair? Jobs that let you wear shorts. I want in on that racket! Fucking social norms.

The story begins a bit classier than I expected with the September 11th attacks. I was a bit worried they’d use that to help rile up the emotions, but it didn’t recreate the crash, show the fall, any of that. Just kept a blank screen and used real media outtakes to explain what happened. Okay, maybe that is still a cheap trick, but it could have been worse.

A few years after that, Maya (Jessica Chastain) has just arrived in Pakistan, after spending most of her career in the CIA so far working on Al-Qaeda intelligence. Her new partner is Dan (Jason Clarke), who she gets to meet during a nice torture session. Weee torture!

Long story short, Maya begins grasping at straws, trying to get a lead anywhere. She thinks she has found the name of Osama’s secret courier, but her boss (Kyle Chandler) isn’t having any of it. Well, it turns out she is right! Eventually she is able to figure out who he is, find him, find a nice Mansion/Fortress in Pakistan, and heat signatures show an extra man inside who NEVER leaves. I wonder who it could be!

Zero Dark Thirty of course also goes through the extraction of Osama, featuring such fine gentlemen in the Seal Team, like Joel Edgerton, Chris Pratt, and Taylor Kinney.

“Hey, let’s show mostly scenes of the actual take down of Osama! You know, a small minority of the movie!”

Let me break the movie down for you, with fractions! I would say that the first quarter of the movie deals with torture as a way of gaining information. Three eights after that involves slow, non torture means of getting what they want. Another quarter of the movie takes place after they find the fortress and deciding what to do and who is in there, with the last eighth involving the Seal Team and their assult.

That second part? I didn’t really like that part. It felt very slow and I almost fell asleep in my seat. But that leaves a pretty solid five eighths of the film, which is a lot better than most movies out there.

Unfortunately I am still left wondering how much of what I watched is accurate, and how much is just dramatic license in the greatest manhunt in modern history. The acting was decent, but didn’t feel like anything worth writing home about. Word on the street is that they are hoping to do a prequel to this movie, yet I have no idea what it would be about. Al-Qaeda before 2001? I don’t think that counts as a prequel, I think that is just a different movie.

But hey, at least it ends with the US coming out on top. That is the take home message, right? Right?!

Not going to lie. When I first saw the trailer for Gangster Squad, I thought it might be interesting. But I was worried based on the dialogue given it might all be cheesy. But I do love vigilantism. Especially real vigilantism. But above all of that, the thing I liked most was just the music featured in it. Made me all sorts of pumped up. But I learned long ago that if I hear a song in a movie trailer, it most definitely won’t be in the movie.

Bitches, yo.

It is amazing that he picked such a diverse group of guys too. I had my money on all white all middle aged!

In the late 1940s, the city of Los Angeles is under siege. Not by the Russians or Germans. Nope, by Mickey Cohen (Sean Penn). From New York, he is now the most powerful criminal in LA, having bought cops, judges, you name it. No one can touch him, not even the mobsters in Chicago. Not everyone is corrupt though. Once Chief Parker (Nick Nolte) sees that Sgt. John O’Mara (Josh Brolin) has brought down an illegal brothel by himself, he enlists him on a secret mission.

There is no way to get Mickey Cohen legally. Killing him wont do anything, someone will just take his place. No, he needs to leave his badge at home, recruit a team (or squad, if you will), take down his entire infrastructure, and sure, maybe kill a bunch of gangsters.

Fuck the law, do what is right!

Well, he gets a team of mostly cops, people who aren’t as worth being bought off who all have special skills. Conway (Giovanni Ribisi), an intelligence expert, Coleman (Anothony Mackie), who grew up on the streets and is one of the few who cares to fix them, Max (Robert Patrick), a fabled cop who has quick hands and can hit anything, and Navidad (Michael Pena), his Mexican partner who is willing to do anything.

Oh, and of course another detective Jerry Wooters (Ryan Gosling) who has a personal vendetta against Cohen, and not just because he is sexing up his current fling (Emma Stone).

Cohen is going to get those coppers, so hard they don’t even know it yet.

Whew. Well, if you watch the trailer, you are going to get exactly as it shows. The lines are unfortunately mostly cheesy. The “No Ma’am, I was just hopin’ to take you to bed.” Imagine a whole film of that.

I think the movie is a bit of a shame. A lot of great actors involved, but it felt a lot like a no emotion cartoon. I didn’t feel sad when they wanted me to, nothing really resonated. The chemistry is really what was missing here. Between everyone, but especially between Stone and Gosling, who had an unbelievable romance going on. We know they can do that too, since they were together in Crazy, Stupid, Love. So I guess it is a director issue?

Another reason it felt cartoony to me was the filter they used to film it. I don’t know what it was, but look at the second picture. It has a yellow/orange tint almost, but something about it just really turned me off from the whole movie.

The fact that this is based off of a true story seems like a farce as well. It might actually be that Mickey Cohen existed only, in which case, fuck your true story tag lines.

Action was okay, acting was mostly forgettable, except a few Sean Penn moments. It was weird seeing Giovanni Ribisi as a good guy finally, so I am glad he can not be type casted (so much) anymore.