Tag: Comedy

Huh, a Dreamworks movie about cavemen. That is what The Croods is about. Get it? They are simpletons, they are ‘crude’. I get it.

So now we all know that Dreamworks is still in business! Not enough failures, I see.

But give it enough time…

Cave men live in caves! Caves are safe (if not dark), because they protect from all sides, especially if you have a nice door rock. New things are bad, because new things can kill. Just ask all the other families who used to live nearby. Nope, just ignore that shit, and get your food, then go back to the gave.

Eep (Emma Stone) is going through your typical teenage girl emotional roller coaster. She hates the cave, wants her own space, but can’t leave. Grug (Nick Cage), her father, has basically forbidden it. Must. Stay. Together.

But she has a younger dumber brother, Thunk (Clark Duke), a baby sister, her mother, Ugga (Catherine Keener), and grandmother (Cloris Leachman)!

Unfortunately, food is getting scarce. Not only that, but Eep sees the sun, in the middle of the night. Fire? What is going on! Oh look, a new boy, Guy (Ryan Reynolds) who controls the miniature sun. Hell yeah. In fact, he might even have a brain. Maybe he has some ideas in there and other inventions. Well, there is his weird sloth named Belt (Chris Sanders).

Too bad he is talking about the end of the world. Seas of lava. Mountains breaking down. I wonder if that has anything to do with Pangaea breaking apart? You know, an event 200,000 years ago, and cave men were like, 20k. Oh well. I guess this will be as scientifically accurate as Ice Age 4.

I can see why they want each other. They are the only two in their age group.

Ughh. Ooogah ugh. That isn’t cave man noises, it is just me being discouraged. Basically, The Croods is about one thing and one thing only. Pretty color and cavemen joke. The plot isn’t ever really explained or talked about much. They just know they have to move, “or else”, trying to find a new cave or whatever. Learning about the world. When Grug finally accepts Guy, it is from a pathetic sob story that comes out no where. They talk about how everything can kill them, yet they survive basically every thing possible.

I think every character falls from huge heights and just tumbles and is fine, despite them being afraid of height for that reason. There i really no consistency with anything in this film. I know that it isn’t accurate, none of the animals or geology makes sense, so it is clearly another world. Basically, it is just traveling plus weird new pants/animals/colors to just go crazy with CGI. That is all it is.

Other inconsistencies bug me too. Like when they hunt in the early movie, they are running like crazy anime characters, dust clouds, even the grandma! But when they actually journey, it is a slow crawl. Alright, sure, run for your lives, but not too hard. This isn’t an inconsistency, but I hated the voice acting in this movie. Great cave people. Oh, they sound like Nick Cage and Emma Stone. Another factor taking me out of the movie, I don’t believe the characters at all because their voices don’t match.

This better not fucking sequel.

1 out of 4.

If you missed it, my site wasn’t updated for about a week. I had to go on a big trip into the New Mexico desert, and had no one else working on it, so updates didn’t happen. What did happen was I was left without movies for a good 10 days. I was freaking out. My dreams all involved movies. I was in them, looking for them, or just watching them. Strange, but addictions do strange things.

Either way. The last movie I saw before this adventure was The Incredible Burt Wonderstone, and I am saddened to say that I didn’t think about it at all over these 10 days.

The incredible hair, on the other hand…

Burt (Steve Carell) grew up bullied and unloved. Sad times for Burt. But his mom got him a birthday present of a magic kit, by the great and wonderful Rance Holloway (Alan Arkin)! Great, now no one will think he is lame when he knows magic!

Just kidding of course. The only person who cares is Anton (Steve Buscemi) who also has no friends, and they put on an act together, with lots of ideas for future tricks.

Now, 20 years later, they are still a hot Vegas act, with their story of magic and friendship. But their show hasn’t changed in 10 years. They aren’t really friends anymore, and they are generally unlikable my many people who know them, like their dozens of assistant girls. Their boss (James Gandolfini) is looking to shut them down for being so stagnant. There are better magicians out there now, crazy street magicians, who just do completely ridiculous “illusions” to surprise and aww their audiences. Like Steve Gray (Jim Carrey) the mind raper!

Can they restore their friendship, redefine their magic act, and end up on top again? Who knows. But will Olivia Wilde help them? Probably.

Alright everyone. Mr. Jim here is 51. I wonder if they CGI’d his body? Or. Maybe. Magic?

Huh, Jay Mohr had a cameo in this and he made me laugh. Uncomfortable comedic magician. He was one of my favorite characters despite only having one real great scene. That sucks.

Jim Carrey had an interesting role, but his character came off as more annoying than mysterious. Most of the tricks he had to do were just bizarre versus interesting (“That’s the point!” well yeah, but it got annoying. Annoying is never good). Steve Carell is just a very unlikeable character as well, which is okay, but it makes it hard to root for him really ever in the movie, or care if he succeeds or not. I did like Steve Buscemi’s character, he just needed a bigger role overall though.

Honestly, I think it was an average movie until the end. The final stunt, the last act, it just didn’t do it for me at all. Way too over the top (and stupid? That is a strong opinion, I will calm down) to really find acceptable as the end of this movie.

I guess if I want a good movie about magicians, I should stick to the dramas. Maybe Penn will make one later?

1 out of 4.

I was surprised when I was at the local RedBox, another random free rental, and had nothing that I wanted to see. That’s a lie, I had two things in mine, but both disappeared in the two hours between checking and getting. You lose, you lose.

Either way, my two backups were complete guesses. This one had Jesse Eisenberg in it! Nice! He is about 50/50 in terms of quality movies. Why Stop Now indeed? I shouldn’t be worried that it has some big stars in it and it is clearly a straight to DVD release.

“Why Stop Now” is most certainly the response to someone telling the director to “Stop Now”. You know, because its terrible. Speaking of terrible, that joke took too many words to tell it, and is therefore terrible as well. Now the joke is running itself into the ground. Like Why Stop Now. Yeahh, brought it back around. Oh, fuck. Eli (Eisenberg) loves him some piano. Loves it hard. He is some sort of adult already, and trying to get into a music/piano school? He has an audition tomorrow, but gets hammered. Smart thinking, Eli.

Especially because he has to take his mom (Melissa Leo) to rehab in the morning, and his sister to school. The problem with rehab is that they either must have good insurance (which they don’t) or be on drugs at the time to get entered, and right now, she is clean. My brain right now hurts, typing this up, I will have you know.

His sister has a sock puppet, that has been getting her in trouble at school, basically being insensitive. Yep. Either way, they have to go to her drug dealer, Sprinkles (Tracy Morgan) to get some pills. This of course puts them on some “zany and wacky” adventure, involving the drug market, family bonds, and trying to get everyone to their appointments on time. Too bad Eli also gets stabbed in the hand during all of this. Hard to play a piano with a knife in it I guess.

Well, at least the sock puppet is racially sensitive. I am going to try something different here.

No.

Just fuck no.

Don’t do it. It’s bad. It’s a trap. Fuck it. Fuck it completely. Run away. Just burn the movie people.

0 out of 4.

Celeste & Jesse Forever is a movie that I am pretty sure I heard about…once… maybe, and then never again. So imagine my surprise when I see it and say sure. I mean, a lot of those Rudd-esque actors have been in lesser movies they made themself recently. I loved Jeff Who Lives At Home, not even sure why. THIS COULD BE MY NEXT JEFF.

WELL? WHICH ONE OF YOU WILL BE MY NEW JEFF?

Neither.

Celeste (Rashida Jones) and Jesse (Andy Samberg) are the best of friends. They play dumb penis games. But they are DIVORCED! AND STILL FINE WITH EACH OTHER. Saying they will still just be friends is never what actually happens. But I guess it is for them?

Well their friends (Ari Graynor, Eric Christian Olsen) are tired of it. They are basically married, without it. They demand more room, damn it. Jesse is a slacker/artist, not finding a stable job, potentially too childish. Celeste is a hard working woman. She can’t put up with his shit anymore.

So they decide to actually try to be apart. Celeste tries to date other men, who all have flaws (not to mention her own). And Jesse has a girlfriend (Rebecca Dayan). Pregnant. Who he wants to marry. Huh. Who’s childish now, bitch!?

Also featuring a hobbit as a friend.

Guess which one?

Celeste & Jesse Forever is written by…Rashida Jones herself! Her first foray into writing, so I also assume this movie was her idea which explains why she is the main character.

The script is complicated, characters have layers, people change throughout the movie. Everything you’d want in a good drama. But…but…I didn’t care?

I guess its a hard way to describe it. But despite the details, I just didn’t care about the characters or story. Realistic, sure. But entertaining? Not really for me.

Hooray, website based on my opinions on things!

But seriously, I think this movie is lacking something and its hard to describe. But the acting is nice, the story is a good idea. It just needs more. Maybe next time Rashida.

2 out of 4.

When I turned 21, I was in a bowling alley.

Fun story right? Well, that is true. I don’t actually drink, but I definitely took the opportunity to buy a beer from the place for one of my friends. Needless to say, the events of my 21st were pretty dang calm. I realize that most people actually do have a wild night, which probably involves someone blacking out. So if anything, 21 and Over is probably going to be accurate to real life!

If anything, this picture can make a powerful inspirational message background.

Jeff Chang (Justin Chon) is turning 21 today, yeahhhh! But he hasn’t celebrated, because his dad (François Chau) has gotten him an interview with a prestigious med school the next morning at 8am sharp. He couldn’t party even if he wants to. But surprise! His best friends from high school have arrived to make his night special.

Miller (Miles Teller) is all about the partying, and the slacker of the group. Casey (Skylar Astin) is going to Stanford and forgot how to let his wild side out. Guess what issues might get solved in the span of the night?

Casey runs into Nicole (Sarah Wright), who demands he show his wild side. Miller turns to the brains as he tries to get his friend home safely, while running from cheer yeller Randy (Jonathan Keltz). Jeff has to basically stay passed out or super drunk, definitely not prepped for the med school interview he might not actually want to do. But each friend might have some secrets they have been hiding, that theaten to ruin this friendship that, lets face it, wasn’t really too strong to begin with.

Oh, and we have Russell Hodgkinson playing a drunken homeless Chief guy.

Oh shit, this is already a thing now? I don’t think I like it.

Hey, I recognize everyone here from other sources! Skylar Astin was of course the best character from Pitch Perfect. Miles Teller was the best character from the Footloose remake. Justin Chon was not the best character from Twilight, because he was basically even more of a background character than Anna Kendrick.

I like that 21 and Over tried to be deeper than the trailers let on. Each character had at least one problem or issue they were keeping a secret, and Miller/Casey were finding out a lot more about Jeff Chang’s college life than they would have liked. The movie had a good chance to say something about specific issues that are definitely apparent in colleges and certain cultures, but really, they swept them all under the rug by the end.

All the build up, and then plot resolutions were solved pretty dang easily. I was very disappointed in this, especially due to one problem hinted at the whole movie being solved with a line or two as well.

Hey, if my comedies want to go deep, I say go deep, just don’t pussy out by the end. In other news, I did laugh at this, and laugh more than once. It just can’t get a great rating due to some choices it made in the movie. If it had gone just straight party comedy, I would have given it a 3. If it did a better job of adding depth and dealing with the problems the characters had, a 3 as well (but potentially 4). However, since it let weak writing take over, and kind of resolve everything nicely, it just pitters in the average category.

2 out of 4.

Supernatural Teen Romance is a genre now, in case you missed it. Yes, it existed before Twilight, but Twilight really made it take off in a big way. I think it even has its own sections in book stores now. Unfortunately, that means everything will then be compared to Twilight if it has supernatural romance in it, which is of course silly. Twilight is a straight up Drama Romance, while something like Warm Bodies is a Comedy Romance (but not a RomCom).

Beautiful Creatures seems to fall somewhere in between the two.

Don’t be so scared guy, it is just a witch dinner.

This film takes place in Gatlin, South Carolina, which means two things – Southern Accents, and the Bible Belt. This town is the location of a small civil war battle, but that is the only thing it has to its name, so the town celebrates the reenactment every year. Ethan Wate (Alden Ehrenreich) loves to read and learn, separating him from most of the locals. Of course when a girl from a recluse family moves back to town, they all assume she is a devil worshiper and bad news.

Ethan doesn’t care, she reads books too, so she is perfect. Who cares if Lena (Alice Englert) actually ends up being a witch? A witch who doesn’t know if she will be good or evil until her 16th birthday, you know, when all female witches have it chosen for them, based on their “True self”. Why just the women and not men? Not sure, sexism probably. Can he handle a woman with powers, and her family (Uncle = Jeremy Irons, Cousin = Emmy Rossum, and mother) forcing her in different directions?

Also featuring Thomas Mann as normal best friend, Emma Thompson as his super religious mother, and Viola Davis as his guardian/librarian friend. After all, a story needs normal people in as well, or else we have nothing to make fun of!

I think he looks like an older Eddie Munster. Does that add to the supernatural feel?

Beautiful Creatures is of course based on the novel, and from what I can tell, if you like the novel, you might hate this movie! Like all great book to film transitions, things change, and frankly I don’t care how different it is from the book, because I like what I saw.

The main two leads are relatively new to the movie scene and I haven’t seen them in anything personally, but I loved them both. Alden made me laugh almost every time he talked, and not just because of his strong accent combined with “smart people” words. Alice and Alden had great chemistry together, and despite being a quick teen romance, I found it believable.

The movie had its issues of course, sometimes it felt like it had B-movie special effects, and it definitely was predictable at parts. I am confused at why they cast Kyle Gallner as the brother, who looks far too much like Robert Pattinson. That is just asking for more Twilight comparisons.

More impressively, the “dinner scene” was done almost entirely without CGI, a rarity in movies these days, and pretty dang impressive in general. I say give it a chance, and try not to get lost in the paper thin religious towns people.

3 out of 4.

I am a bit disappointed in you, random CGI/animated movies. Why the obsession with famous people to voice your characters? If they are actually voice acting, you shouldn’t understand their normal acting voice. But alas, we must fill them up with as many big names as possible, because hey, its cheaper when its just voice acting, so why not?

I am just disappointed that I have to tag so many dang people in this movie. Shit, most of my plot is introducing the characters.

Basically, before I watch Escape From Planet Earth I just hope it is a lot closer to Escape from L.A. than Mars Needs Moms. But I guess I think that for most movies.

Finally, it looks like someone is thinking of the children.

In this movie universe, we have aliens! All different sorts, all speaking English, and all on planets of only one type. Earth is so weird. Not to mention deadly. When ever Aliens go there, they tend to never return. Seems like a big damper on the Earth thing, but sometimes, you gotta do what you gotta do.

Like if you are Scorch Supernova (Brendan Fraser), Occupation: Hero. He saves shit, didn’t you see above? He saved those babies! That somehow got on that planet with things that eat babies! Well, Scorch gets a mission to Earth, hearing of a distress signal. So he goes over, but because of having a fight with his “nerd” brother Gary (Rob Corddry), he gets captured and everyone flips his shit. His news reporting lover (Sofia Vergara) is shocked. Yes, I just wanted to throw that tag in now.

Either way, because his son is a little dickhead, and his wife Kira (Sarah Jessica Parker) is nagging about how thinking is overrated, he decides to not think, and just go and rescue his brother. Bitches, man.

Needless to say, something fishy is up. General Shanker (William Shatner) ends up capturing him too.
Puts him to work, with some other smart aliens (George Lopez, Craig Robinson, Jane Lynch). No big deal, just building the biggest weapon in the universe to “Destroy asteroids” with. Hey, he said if they build it, they can go home. Pretty great!

Hopefully everything works out at the end, and they can…Escape From Planet Earth. Fingers crossed for these poor, brave aliens. Ricky Gervais is also “James Bing” a smart computer (not even subtle guys), and Jessica Alba as the head of head of mission control?

Well, these ones don’t look enslaved. I guess that is good!

Quick! Quick! Listen to this song. Maybe listen to it three times. Remix one of them a little bit. That is what the soundtrack felt like, as I could only hear this song and some woman song smack dab in the middle. They are the only two songs played during the credits too, which claimed many more songs happened in the movie, but I definitely didn’t hear them.

“Alright, so I guess it is cheesy and childish then?” You betcha. Like a lot. Like, the jokes are people falling down or running into things.

Hey, I laughed a few times. There were some subtle jokes, or things being yelled off screen, but that was about the extent of the humor.

Instead we have a mostly “lower level” comedy, without much of anything for adults to find enjoyable when they watch with the kids. Of the other aliens, the only one that I found not annoying was the Slug, and he didn’t really get much character development besides “gross, sticky!”. The main arguments of the characters involved whether or not someone was fired or quit (when it was clearly quit. Especially since I doubt the other individual even could fire him if he wanted). The plot twists (if we call them that) were obvious about 10 minutes into the movie. The child is stupid and has bad ideas.

Heck, the film basically deglorifies intelligence. Everyone was mad at the main guy for trying to think things through before acting? Fuck that, life isn’t a race people. Thinking of course helps save the day, but they are too busy nerd joking to care.

Yet despite all this, still not as bad as Mars Needs Moms.

1 out of 4.

Identity Thief came out the same day as Side Effects in theaters, yet they went the opposite route when it came to advertisements. Side Effects had barely any, and Identity Thief drowned the market with with TV spots and promos.

That’s right. So many ads, I am surprised I have enough energy to tread water still.

Run as fast as you’d like, but you cannot escape the ad train.

Sandy Patterson (Jason Bateman) is your normal Colorado living individual with a funny name. He is also a bit naive and a bit of a pushover, which is why no one is surprised when he gets his identity stolen by a “Diana” (Melissa McCarthy) in Winter Park, Florida!

Thanks to all of her shit, he now finds himself with a criminal record, failing to show up to a court date, and several thousands dollars of credit card debt. Hooray! It doesn’t help that he just started a new law firm with his buddy (John Cho) and when people Google his name, they only see pages of bad. The detective on his case (Morris Chestnut) can only help him if he can get Diana on his own to come back to Colorado and admit to her crimes. Clearly not too hard!

Amanda Peet plays his wife, Jon Favreau a jerk boss, T.I. and Genesis Rodriguez are hitmen after Diana, Robert Patrick a bail bondsman, and Eric Stonestreet as a rich Texan.

A rich and sexy Texan, of course.

The problem with a lot of advertisements is that each one is going to be different. The problem with that? I think only two or so scenes really felt surprising or new to me. I’ve seen the jokes, the gags, the violence, and the entire plot in their ads. I feel like that probably lessened the experience.

But lets talk about the plot. Identity theft on its own is relatively simple idea, and I am pretty sure hasn’t been done in this way before as a comedy. But the writers decided to make this movie anything but simple! She is a con artist, who was a foster child, who has made problems worse by bad dealings with local gangs, and being drunk in public. That means they are running from multiple groups while hating each others company and constantly lying about their intentions.

I think there is a fine line between annoying side character and misunderstood side character. What made Planes, Trains, and Automobiles so much better than Due Date is by humanizing the weird character and not just making them an asshole. Although they attempt to humanize Diana, I don’t think it works at all, and just see her as miserable person the whole movie.

The humor itself isn’t too well thought out. I laughed during a few scenes only, but I will note the theater as a whole seemed to laugh throughout.

Overall, I just feel bad for Jason Bateman. He kicked ass in Dodgeball and Arrested Development, but he has been on a slow decline since then.

1 out of 4.

Warm Bodies, Warm Bodies.

Unfortunately, due to hearing that title said twice in a row, I really can’t stop doing it. It adds effect. It makes it creepy. I like creepy.

I kind of hate zombie based fan ficiton. More specifically, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies is a terrible book, seriously read it. It is P&P with another guy throwing in some zombie fight scenes and changing some words. But his writing style is so different than Jane Austin’s style that it is painfully obvious. But that was Zombies and Romance. How about Zombies WITH Romance?

You see the whole thing is a metaphor. A metaphor, for uhh, to be emo is to be dead.

R (Nicholas Hoult) is a zombie. Not much to talk else to mention about his life, he is a damn zombie. He doesn’t remember his old life, or his old name or anything. He has a “Friend” in M (Rob Corddry), but that means they sometimes go out on hunts together for food and grunt some.

On one of those faithful hunting missions, they run into a group of survivors looking for meds. That is where he meets Julie (Teresa Palmer). But something is different, something has changed. He doesn’t want to eat her body. Well, not in the traditional sense.

Could this be love? Necrophiliac love? Analeigh Tipton plays her best friend, Dave Franco her boyfriend, and John Malkovich her dad.

This is also a metaphor. A metaphor, for uhh, war. War is bad.

From what I can tell, the movie has differences from the book, but the author of the book is fine with it. He saw the movie and likes it, so I definitely won’t judge the two apart (not that I ever do that anyways). But I can say that after watching the movie, I want to read the book. Already ordered it online, can’t wait. The only other movie that I did that with was The Perks of Being a Wallflower. Which, I might add, I liked the book as well and there were differences.

I thought the intro the movie was pretty dang hilarious. It begins with a nice monologue from R, as he shuffles about his normal zombie life, and we learn the ins and outs of his mind and actions. It just felt brilliant.

Rob Corddry stole the show with his zombie, but he was given the funnier lines, because he wasn’t currently in love with a living woman.

The movie has obvious references to a famous love story, which I figured out halfway through. I am glad they kept it somewhat subtle, I was afraid they would smash it over your head at the end, but thankfully they didn’t.

Shit, the only thing I really disliked would be that the change happening the zombies could have been more gradual and obvious. For R, it was slow and the signs of him getting better were clear, but for the rest of the zombies it felt rushed.

Fuck it. I loved this movie. Here is a high ass rating.

4 out of 4.

The Arnold is back!

Alright, maybe he hasn’t really gone anywhere. The Govenator was still taking part in The Expendables franchise at least, but with The Last Stand he is officially back in the lead role. Just don’t confuse it with the X-Men movie of the same name.

Although Phoenix could solve this problem in an instant.

Sommerton Junction is a small town in Arizona by the border of Mexico. That border is a giant canyon, so there aren’t too many problems associated with it. The high school has a big road football game, so most of the town has left for the weekend to cheer them on, but not Sheriff Ray Owens (Arnold). He is happy to have a weekend off, but he gets a strange feeling about a trucker (Peter Stormare),who comes up clean when his plates are run.

Oh well, it is not like he is secretly a member of the Mexican Cartel, working on busting out Gabriel Cortez (Eduardo Noriega) from FBI Custody (Forest Whitaker), and then racing him to Mexico across the canyon. That would be ludicrous!

Ray decides that no Mexican Drug lord is going to come into his town and kill its citizens, not on his watch. Nope. He wants to make a stand. With his crew by his side (Luis Guzman, Jaimie Alexander, Zach Gilford) and the deputized citizens of an alcoholic who wants to redeem himself (Rodrigo Santoro) and a weapons museum owner (Johnny Knoxville), they decide to go all out to show that they are not just stupid farmers and rednecks.

“GET TO THE DINNAH”

Sometimes it can be hard to figure out if you are supposed to take a movie seriously or not. I like to apply the LG test. That is, if the movie includes Luis Guzman, do not take it seriously, and I don’t think it has failed me yet.

I do love that The Last Stand provides an action movie without an overabundance of special effects, and being set in rural Arizona helps add to the grittiness. I liked the resolution to the plot, even if the plot was one of the more ridiculous things I’ve heard of. It also wasn’t just a silly shoot em up movie where the good guys use Home Alone-esque traps to take out the bad guys. I actually feared that any character could die.

But, the acting still is pretty bad, and the dialogue probably over did its “one liner” quota. I think the beginning was also a bit too slow, but it picked up when they discovered the bridge being built. An interesting movie, but not sure if it is one I will ever try to watch again.

2 out of 4.