Tag: Action

I have been getting some flack for only giving 4 out of 4s to mostly just drama movies and some action ones. People demanded a review of a 4/4 Comedy, so with that, I brought back one of my favorite in the last few years, Tropic Thunder.

By now most people are aware of this movie. It has a group of guys, all famous actors / celebrities (except for Jay Baruchel) making the Vietnam War movie based on a real book. In it is Comedian Jack Black(Jeff Portnoy), Action star Ben Stiller(Tugg Speedman), and Serious Dramatic Robert Downey Jr.(Kirk Lazarus). Also, Rapper Brandon T. Jackson (Alpa Chino).

This group of ragtag people are making the director, Steve Coogan, angry with their drama. So with the help of Nick Nolte (book writer) and Danny McBride (bomb expert), they place the actors in the jungle with cameras hidden around. They plan on scaring them into acting better, by only giving them safety if they finish the movie, going for very gritty guerrilla style takes. Unfortunately, there is real threats in the jungle, so the actors have to try to both survive and think they are doing a movie.

“I’M A LEAD FARMER MOTHER FUCKER!

What makes this movie really great is pretty much all of it. It is a very quotable movie, I can still do several scenes and I haven’t seen it in awhile. RDJ does one of my favorite performances ever, as blackface general who never breaks character. It is just so believable, his drive. The Stiller character is very annoying, but thankfully, that is what they were going for. I thought Matthew McConaughey just played an overexaggerated version of himself, and that the Tom Cruise cameo represents exactly what I want from Tom Cruise. Always.

Seriously. It is funny. Has enough WTF humor in it (Retards, endangered species death, etc). Just overall great movie. The fake previews at the start helped set the mood. Instead of just a war parody, it becomes a satire on the film industry as a whole.

“BIG ASS TITTIES!”

Damn you Jerry Bruckheimer Films!

And the man himself while we are at it.

Here is brief history of Pirates for me. PotC1? Loved it. PotC2? Hated how long it was and found the ending to be a nonconclusive end to the story. I hate it when movies end but not close the story, forcing you to see a sequel. So I didn’t. Never saw PotC3. Pretty much the same thing that happened with the Matrix Trilgoy for me. Almost did a few weeks ago, but figured it would be too long. When I heard PotC4 had nothing to do with the original trilogy, minus Jack Sparrow/Johnny Depp, I said “Fuck yeah!”

In this movie, Geoffrey Rush is back as Barbossa, but there is also Ian McShane as Blackbeard! And Penelope Cruz as Blackbeard’s daughter! The latter two are obviously new people. Blackbeard! Rawr! He is the bad guy! So is Barbossa. Kinda. But yes. Also the British are involved. And the Spanish.

They are going to the Fountain of Youth! But can’t go straight there, obviously have to collect a few things first. I did enjoy the mermaid scenes. Reminded me of the underwater dead walk stuff going on, that made the first really epic. The first mermaid looked like Amanda Seyfried too. Even though I generally always hate the scenes where Jack is messing with the Brits, the opening escape scene was pretty nifty. The unknown guy who played the priest, Sam Claflin, was my favorite new person added to the series, and when they unfortunately make more of these, I hope he is the next Bloom. [He wont be].

So I was going to give this movie a solid 2. It was interesting, pretty, not the best. But reminded me too much of 2 in terms of what happens, scenery, and what not. Most of the things are predictable, especially all of the ending, which is lame. But after the ending? RAGEEE! Sure parts were finished, but the ending was another bullshit ending. Not as bad as the second, but bullshit nonetheless. Fuck fuck fuck fuck that.

I can’t believe I did this whole review without a single Pirates joke. Oh damn it!

1 out of 4.

Hey look, a sci-fi action film! I will admit, when I saw the trailer I thought that this movie would be stupid. Some weird future where everyone sits at home, and they have much more prettier versions of themselves walking around doing shit, yet the user gets to experience the feelings so it is okay? These Surrogates probably just represent our dependence on technology/better video games, gone to an extreme.

Surrogates! They have become cheap enough so that everyone can have them! There was no real hobos to speak of (maybe, I will get to that). With the perfect robot body, everyone looks sexy despite their actual appearance, all they have to do is sit in a chair and take it. The rise of surrogates brought accidental deaths down to very low, and crime to an all time low. After all, With a world full of beautiful people, what could go wrong?

Oh yeah. Honestly, this shit still creeps me out.

BUT WAIT. Not everyone has conformed. There are colonies around the US (I am not sure if other countries are really talked about here) who think it is unnatural and want to just be humans. These may just be hobos too. They live together, have no other jobs. Follow a prophet who will help end the robot scum. Speaking of ending robot scum, one guy dies from some crazy gun. His surrogate explodes, and the user is killed (first time ever). That guy is the son of creator of Surrogates.

I wonder if I have to explain this picture?

Thankfully, Bruce Willis is on the case. He has to investigate this threat, and crazy enough, he has to do it without a Surrogate. Being a real person in a robot world is crazy. Crazy!

So while the story should have been good, it just…fails. Most of the things that happen are pretty obvious. The ending you may be already to guess, even. Action scenes seemed to be better described as chasing scenes. Some helicopters got destroyed, but you know, barely any people got capped. Given the surrogates. The surrogates are also creepy of course, as they all look too perfect, but that is what they were going for.

Despite being an interesting concept, the execution of the concept left me bored. I didn’t care what happened to anyone by the end. Not even the fat dude.

Four comic book movies came out this summer. Green Lantern (DC/WB), X-Men: First Class (Fox), Thor, and Captain America (both Marvel). Unfortunately for the Green Lantern, it has to be compared to movies of a similar type and it fails. All four movies are “origin” movies as well, so it cannot argue established characters. Well, kind of for X-men, but that is still a reboot. Even when comparing it to older films recently, Iron Man and Iron Man 2 are more interesting, along with of course Hellboy II and Dark Knight. Clearly I might just be trying to get as many links as possible in this first paragraph. If anything, Green Lantern is better than that OTHER DC movie. The one who’s name shall not be spoken.

Green Lantern is better because I can say Green Lantern without feeling sad.

Ryan Reynolds stars as the titular character, as only his second different comic book character, leaving him way behind Chris Evans. The film goes back and forth between being a universe protection, special Green Lantern Corps space army thing, and just regular earth hero. Unfortunately he doesn’t do much super stuff in the movie. He stops the overall bad guy (spoilers). He saves the chick he wants (Blake Lively) from a helicopter crash. And he kills three people who are mugging him with a green punch. Sure, flight, space travel, all that is fine, but we ex-

WAIT WHAT?

He KILLS three regular people? They didn’t even have weapons, just a outside bar fight. That is unacceptable. It doesn’t show him “kill them”. But from the force of said punch, combined with the speed they flew and what they hit (one guy THROUGH a brick wall), there is no hope for those guys.

The main, lesser villain is played by Peter Sarsgaard and is just creepy. He never seems intimidating, just gross. Tim Robbins is also in here, but he doesn’t do too good. The movie is filled with normal cliches and tropes (oh wow, one random lesson I learned earlier helped me win overall! Also, the final boss was easier than expected, despite being scary and “coming closer” throughout the movie. Also, the ugly people die). It barely touched on the fact that yellow was his weakness (instead yellow = fear, and don’t be afraid, or else your will would lose.)

This page is now protected from Ryan Reynolds.

I am told that WB said that despite the poor profit gain, they will go for a sequel anyways. They are going to make it darker and grittier too. Because clearly that’s how all Superhero movies should be.

A lot of the time lower budget movies will have less money. Almost 100% of the time that is true, actually. This is not an exception. Most of the time the grittiness from lesser cameras works against the overall appeal of the movie, but this may be one of the cases where it kind of makes it better.

I am not a fan of most action movies, especially the ones who try to think they are better than action and try to have a plot, but the plot usually fails. Overcomplication is probably the problem. Arena says screw overcomplication. Lets have some bloody fights!

Like this. But less fat people not wearing shirts.

In this world, there is an underground fighting network called Arena. It is secretly located but broadcasts over the internet. After all, the most interesting fight is the fight for survival. The organization, lead by Samuel L. Jackson, kidnaps the downfallen of society and trains them to be brutal and fight other combatants. The audience votes on if the loser should be killed, and also bets on the outcome, generating income for Mr. Jackson. No one wants to be in here, as it means certain doom. Thankfully Kellan Lutz is promised freedom if he wins ten fights in a row, including killing blows.

There are a few twists in the movie, but nothing to write home about. The endings you cannot predict, because they purposefully don’t show you any clues that would suggest it. Daniel Dae Kim is in this movie too, as a prisoner/fighter, although uncredited (at this point? Probably by request).

If you like bloody violence, the fight scenes in this movie feature a lot of blood. They fight in computer generated scenes, with real weapons, based off the surroundings. The construction site weapon choices were particularly interesting. A lot of the fights are cut short, but that is because over 10 fights with one dude to the death would be ridiculous to watch completely. Also, if you like a whole bunch of naked womens, this movie has a bunch.

It also has a few, not so subtle, references to other movies.

You could argue that this movie explores how acceptable violence is in America, and the downfall of society, but that would just be bullshit.

Fast Five! The fifth Fast and the Furious movie! Whoa. That is a lot of movies. So much that they are just giving me an adjective and a number now.

I think I was told this would be the last one too. Fast Finale. But that is false, there is a 6 and 7 in the works already. Oh well, can’t say no to more money.

Especially when it stares you right in the eyes.

This begins right after where Fast & Furious left off, so it matters kind of for the plot. But really you can guess what happened and be fine not knowing. Due to a series of events, the gang (Vin Diesel and Paul Walker) are in Rio! They are also framed for killing some DEA or ATF or something agents. So bring on The Rock who wants to capture them.

In order to clear their names, they have to both rob a rich drug lord in Rio, and avoid being caught by the feds. They need help. So they call in everyone helpful from the last four movies. Including Ludacris! Everyone loves movies where there is a large cast working to steal something.

This shows “three armies” in the Hobbit Cartoon. Like Fast Five. I am explaining this, because I don’t think anyone would have gotten my joke.

This movie was a lot better than most of the other movies. It also comes before Fast3, which should be after Fast6. So don’t get confused at who is alive. The races were pretty much all outside. Nothing was too confusing. But if you want, try taking a shot every time someone falls from a height that should kill or injure them. That should get you pretty smashed.

If you didn’t know, each one of these movies does have a different title. This one has no “The” or “The” making it the 4th movie in the franchise. Only reason I went back to watch this one was because because Fast Five was coming out soon, and I want to see that one, while also making sure I don’t get confused with the plots.

Afterall, these movies are known for their hard hitting material and for making you think.

I might have missed something at the beginning, but does Vin Diesel kill the trucker in his first heist attempt of the movie? That’s horrible. I can’t feel good about Vin Diesel doing that cool car stuff, if some trucker doing his job gets killed because of it. What the hell, morals! [I have been told that the trucker may have jumped out of his truck. But he would have jumped out from a very fast moving truck, into a rocky/desert like ground. More than likely he died just from that as well, and not the resulting tumbling 18 wheeler of fiery doom. Still. Bad Morals, Vin.]

This movie tried to have more plot in it than 1/2. Not so much about street racing and thievery racing, but more about the FBI! And Mexico! And drug smuggling! And stopping the mentioned things (using street racing). If I can say anything, it is that this movie is definitely better than 2 Fast 2 Furious. That sucked. Not sure if it is is good as 1 and 3 though.

What probably lessened the enjoyment for me was the two underground tunnel racing/driving scenes. All that does to the situation is make it a lot more dangerous for them, but confusing for me. If they are pretty much in a tunnel, that I don’t know the route and map for, then I can’t anticipate, and I have to assume they are just driving fast in a straight line. Open world racing, much more exciting. Paul Walker was pretty much the same in this movie as he was in one. Working for the Man, and hating Vin Diesel.

The races were so bad, it is impossible to find a good picture of them, because no one cares.

2 out of 4.

So, as expected, this movie was not for me at all. It was way too….European. Maybe international is a better choice of words? You know what I mean. Those action Thrillers, that generally take place in Europe. but not just Europe. All over. Have a scene in Italy, in Germany, gotta keep moving. You know how this is. This movie also featured a Trip to Istanbul and NYC, so at least it is more than Europe?

I never noticed how sexual Europe looked. That explains everything.

The director is the same dude who did Run Lola Run (European!) and that is a fantastic movie. It could be described as kind of metaphysical. This is no where on the same vein or style of it. Clive Owen seemed out of place, but that just may be his tallness. Naomi Watts didn’t do anything for me.

I also found this pretty hard to follow. Maybe because I don’t understand banking shit that well. I did follow it enough to know the ending is bleak and pissed me off. I also just find it weird to describe what happens. Interpol agent Owens thinks an international Bank is assassinating people. He wants to take them down. Conspiracies. Whatever. No one likes vague political conspiracies anyways. The people who believe them are nuts, and that is why Rubicon failed. Also because it moved too slow to keep up with on a weekly basis.

Anyways. This was vague, but I really wasn’t interested in most of it. That would explain why it is a vague review. Doesn’t even get a second picture joke!

Right off the back, I can say that Transformers3 was better than Transformer2, but why the heck was it 150 minutes long? Halfway through it I can say I was pretty bored. Here are some things that bugged me. Rosie H-W. What the hell.

They kept taking jabs at Megan Fox the whole movie, it almost seemed like thats the only reason T3 existed, because Bay hates Fox. I mean, his reasoning is correct. She isn’t a good actress. When I heard they were replacing Fox, I thought YES. Bring in an actress who can act, or no love interest at all! Nope. Friggan Rose H-W, giraffe neck and all.

Seriously, look at that neck.

Bah. So anyways. Similar to the second movie, they do almost repeat a plot point. The “Oh no, Optimus Prime is dead!” one. Also an older once thought dead transformer switches sides. Also, the government wants to control the autobots, not tell Shia anything, and then get screwed over and have to rely on a kid and his car. Also it seemed to me that I couldn’t tell any of the decepticons apart. They were lacking a lot in color. Also, some CGI is bad. In Chicago, when Shia was being flailed on a whip, it looked like they turned him into a cartoon. Also, why are all the decepticon like weird animal robots?

Although Beast Wars is great, regular Transformers turn into cars/automobiles/gadgets.

That’s a paragraph of bad things!^ Optimus Prime is still a badass. I still couldnt give a damn about any other autobot. I just wanted to see OP be, well, OP. He definitely was in the few fight scenes I got to see.

Also, despite being probably a huge plothole, I think most of the people in Chicago died? If not at least the entirety of the town is pretty much destroyed, which is good for everyone I think. Now they can disperse throughout the Midwest, or all move to Detroit to make that place poppin’. The movie did end on a quick note. I was like. Wait what? 2.5 hours and then bam ending like that? No repercussions? Arent there hundreds of decepticons around the world with beacons still causing havoc? Whatever. At least they didn’t save Chicago.

Seriously guys. Nothing good will come out of watching this action movie. Inside Out is even a vague title, not having really anything to add to the movie. Maybe some bullshit about “Oh how my life has turned Inside Out after I got out of prison!” This movie just screams out fantasticles though. Starring Triple H and Michael Rapaport. Yes. The Wrestler. And yes, that guy who has only been in like My Name Is Earl, and Boston Public. How can it fail?? Not to mention the wife being played by Parker Posey, aka cutter chick on The Big C, or Fiona from Josie and the Pussycats. Yes, blockbuster indeed.

Block. Buster. In. Deed.

HHH was in prison for the last fourteen years for accidental manslaughter. His friend, Rapapapapapa, tries to get him back on the right track, and lets him stay at his house. Oh yeah, and his old girlfriend before prison is now married to Rapapa, and they have a kid. And uh. Awkward? So, more accidents happen, and a dead body occurs. Also, the police, for some tax evasion stuff.

TRIPLE H DOESN’T WANT TO BE IN THIS MESS. So some more people die, and more people arrested. This movie also had a weird pickle theme. And I have no idea why the movie didn’t end after the sex scene. But it just kept going. You know, so stuff could blow up I guess. All good action movies need things blowing up.

Unfortunately, this isnt a good action movie.

But Triple H dressing up like Samuel L Jackson might have helped.