Tag: 2 out of 4

From what you know about me, you might know I am not a religious man. I tend to rate religious movies lower, but never because of their content about religion, but more so they just end up being poorly made, bad acting, etc.

Despite this, I actually like Gospel Music. I have been to at least one Gospel Fest in my life (and I felt like the only white guy there). It’s just generally so happy and full of spirit, and fun to dance to. So what happens when we get a movie about Gospel music? Depends. I loved Sister Act (and even its sequel!), but can a more modern version in Joyful Noise make me happy as well?

Then again, it might just be some bullshit Diva off, like another bad movie.

What we have is a small town church in Georgia, that somehow has a bunch of good singers in it. Their choir director, Kris Kristofferson, dies! Well, shit. The church board (of this small town church, mind you) chooses Queen Latifah to run the group now. Dolly Parton is upset, she wants to lead it, she and Kris were close, and she is the main monetary benefactor to the church. Oh well. No big deal. Latifah also has a daughter, Olivia (Keke Palmer) and she is the main star of the choir (at least she is now!). She also has a son with Aspergers who is blind (Dexter Darden). No big deal, but he has problems adjusting.

Husband? Oh he is in the army again, couldn’t find work, so Jesse L. Martin got the job to pay for their life, but can’t ever be with them.

Dolly Parton has a rebellious grandson though. Randy (Jeremy Jordan) and he has come to mess things up. He is interested in Olivia, and gets into her life by agreeing to teach her blind brother how to play the piano, and sing! Eventually he even gets to join the Choir. Latifah doesn’t like him, bad influence, and he wants to do new fangled songs with the choir, not old safe boring ones. Oh yeah, they also are of course entered into a competition for gospel choirs, and they never win though. Others just are better. They just keep getting second. But this year? Could they win? Could they even go to a national competition in LA and win that too? They’d have to beat a choir of angelic preteen singers! Oh noes!

Oh yeah, also drama with the Church pastor (Courtney B. Vance), wanting the traditional stuff. One of their members having a lot of her potential suitors dying (Angela Grovey), more than one boy interested in Olivia, and a family torn apart by the military.

The main two singing stars ended up being these two people. These people aren’t Queen Latifah or Dolly Parton.

Did you read that plot outline? It goes a lot of places, and is pretty weak. The way they win their first competition is pretty bad, but it makes sense. The results of the national competition don’t make sense either (guess who wins!). It is one of those times when the winners clearly didn’t do as good as the other people. (I hate that a lot more than when one side clearly does worse and they still tie). A lot of overacting, and some weird actual fighting between characters. All in the name of Jesus.

BUT. The songs are pretty damn good. Some of the songs in the movie are just quick snippets, including I’m In Love With A Stripper. But besides that, they also go the Sister Act route and turn the melodies and tunes of normal songs and Jesusify them, so that everyone is happy. Instead of a theme, like Motwon songs, they take them from a span of decades and it is really fun to listen to.

What? My rating apparently is just based on that. That part was entertaining, but I liked the music. Won’t watch it again, but man, might download the CD. Maybe.

I instantly wanted to see Friends With Kids as soon as I saw the first trailer. Wait no, that’s not right. I wanted to see it as soon as I saw the cast list.

I was so excited to see all these people I liked in it, and then you know, one person I didn’t know. I also noticed that they didn’t really try to advertise this movie at all, outside the week before it came out. That sucks. Oh well, I am sure it isn’t entire cliche based.

Hey! I know these people. And none of them are the main people.

Alright, so we got a group of friends, two couples, and two single people. Adam Scott is a successful business man doing something, and Jennifer Westfeldt is also successful at something. They are just friends though. The couple friends at Maya Rudolph and Chris O’Dowd, who are about to have a kid, and Kristen Wiig and Jon Hamm who also are going to have a kid. Well that is weird.

Four years later, their friends are completely different, and also potentially having marital woes. But when you are married you cant just ask for a “break” without it being a big deal. With Jennifer’s biological clock going off and never finding a good guy, Adam thinks they should have a child together! BUt you know, no relationship, just have a baby, raise him separately and maintain their distance and friendship, and thus, no problems! Couldn’t go wrong.

A few years later, they even are seeing people. Well first Adam finds a girl walking a dog in the park, Megan Fox, despite her being way younger than him. This makes Jennifer upset (for some reason?) but she finds an older more experienced guy, Edward Burns, who has interesting stories and knows how to treat a woman and get shit done. As the kid gets older, I don’t expect him to find it weird about his parents situation. Sure their friends do, but come on, this is 2012. Babies probably have their shit together sooner now.

I was told it was good to acknowledge the main cast in the pictures too. Fineee.

You are probably wondering, “No really who the hell is that main actress? I know everyone else in the movie but her!?”. Well she is the writer and director damn it, and clearly the only woman she knows who can articulate the emotions she wants so she did it her self! That explains it. This is also supposed to be a bit more realistic than your standard RomComs, and I can say that it is. Parents having natural fights and getting through it, and some that don’t. Friends who are honest with each other, and some that drink too much.

But the dialogue between Adam and Jennifer is great and yet not the best part of the movie. Jon Hamm, as he tends to do, steals the show, and you find yourself paying attention to him more so whenever he is on screen, that sly dog.

Despite all this, and a decent plot, it just felt like it was both missing something and too long. The ending comes pretty abruptly, but I like that. Just the build up to it? I don’t like it. It takes a long time to get there (I guess that is a realistic approach?) and there is lots of filler that drags the film way down. More than one montage based scene as well. But it does do a nice job at getting to the point early on at least.

Ehh, its hard to describe. Should have been better than what was on screen.

In America, it is Father’s Day. Which means absolutely nothing, really. Most dad’s want the same thing. To be left alone and relax. And thus my movie review for today is Iron Sky, a movie about relaxing.

And not about fathers.

And all about Nazis.

Look at them. Nazing all over the place.

The year is 2018, the future! And the president of the united states looks a lot like Sarah Palin, but she isn’t given a name (Stephanie Paul). Well err, alright. So she had the idea to send man to the moon again, because it would help gain her some positive votes and stuff. Well, when they reached the dark side of the moon, the astronauts found a huge base! And one was shot in the head, the other captured and their shuttle destroyed. The astronaut is James Washington (Christopher Kirby), a model who is also black, and put on the moon with no real experience. His captures? Nazis!

The Nazis are confused by him, because he isn’t even white. What the hell is USA doing? They must have found them out and he must be scouting ahead. But he refuses to give up the information. The head Nazi (Udo Kier) agrees to send Klaus Adler (Gotz Otto) down to earth to speak to the President and potentially find information before war is declared. They have to find out about this new computer technology, allowing James to have a damn phone.

Klaus is sent down to Earth secretly (not discovered?) with a transformed James Washington (they made him Aryan), and also the local teacher snuck aboard as well. Renate Richter (Julia Dietze) knows English, and also might like James, despite his clearly non perfect genetics. They are able to meet with the white house PR lady (Peta Sergeant) who actually uses the Nazi messages of unity and turns them into a campaign for the Presidents upcoming election.

Can these Nazis escape the lavishes of the modern world, and reign destruction? And when the Nazis do come attack full force, can they actually stop them? Also, how the fuck are they living on the moon and shit? Hopefully the answer doesn’t start World War III.

Dude doesn’t even know he is white yet.

This film is actually foreign made, and produced by the Finnish, Austrians, and yes, the German. Germany making fun of their own past? The future is now folks.

The film isn’t a traditional comedy, but more comedic in the unrealistic nature of the whole plot and characters. Some jokes are made, but most of the laughs will just come from how over the top it is. Not only that, but the film is already planning both a pre and a sequel. Ridiculous Europeans.

I did enjoy a lot of the movie, but really can’t see sitting down and watching it again unless it is with a bunch of people who haven’t seen it. I am glad the movie agreed with me, that the USA owns the moon as well. I mean hell, we got there first (well not in the movie’s universe) and put up a flag. Putting up a flag is the universal sign of ownership. Go in knowing what it is, a ridiculous science fiction movie. Yet also entertaining, and better than the bad SyFy movies.

About a year and a half ago a local independent rental store was going out of business. Unfortunately I didn’t realize this until the last day, but I was still able to walk away with about twenty movies. Needless to say a lot of them didn’t work.

Including Meet Bill! I was sad. But turns out it does work, and my laptop was just being a little bitch. Good news, everyone! Time for an older review.

They look so happy too. Finally glad to be noticed.

Bill (Aaron Eckhart) is a loser. He is married to Jess (Elizabeth Banks) and she is hot, but he is kind of lame. Getting out of shape, doing dumb things. He also works for his father in law, in a made up position, so he feels like he doesn’t contribute a thing to society. Thankfully his old private school is starting a mentoring program, where students who are about to graduate get to follow a successful alumni around. And technically Bill is successful.

Well he becomes a bit popular for yelling at a local broadcaster (Timothy Olyphant). WHy? Because his wife was cheating on him, with Tim, and he got it on tape. Doesn’t help that he later assaults him either. Needless to say everyone wants him to be their mentor, but some rich kid (Logan Lerman) wins out, after he already made plans pre anger shenanigans. This kid is also trying to hit on Lucy (Jessica Alba), a worker at a lingerie store, and ends up bringing her along with their sessions.

Needless to say, Bill is going through a mid life crisis, a kind of divorce, and is having to explain to this kid how to be successful. Whoops. Really the only thing he does during this time is think about starting up a “Sweet Sweet” franchise, a donut shop, and has constant arrangements with the owners Jane and Jim Whittmann (Kristen Wiig and Jason Sudeikis).

I wouldn’t feel jealous if I was Elizabeth Banks and Alba was in front of me going after my man.
Mmmm, Elizabeth Banks.

I love explaining the plots, it helps me remember the movie and my own thoughts on it. And this movie is a whole lot about nothing. Mid life crisis, yadda yadda.

But I don’t feel like I gained anything after watching it. While watching it, parts were enjoyable, but mostly just okay. Didn’t even care too much about Bill, and I am supposed to be meeting him, damn it.

Oh well, Aaron Eckhart knows he can’t ever reproduce Thank You For Smoking, but by golly is he going to keep trying.

Prometheus! Such a meaningful word. This movie I had the pleasure of seeing in theaters, which of course means it is automatically a bit better than it might be, so the review could change months later.

Outside of the amazing trailers, of course I knew that Ridley Scott was the director. I had heard originally that they planned on being a prequel to the Alien movies, but it was scrapped when it became so big. Well, it still is pretty much. Not a direct prequel, but same universe, and before Alien at least.

I’m sure there is nothing ominous about those vases.

Prometheus is the name of the ship, sent to a moon of a very very distant planet. Two archaeologists, Liz Shaw (Noomi Rapace) and Charlie Holloway (Logan Marshall-Green) find a bunch of cave paintings, showing old nations worshiping a lager man, and pointing to a very specific star system. It is weird, because none of these nations would have had contact, and are quite old.

So they believe that these beings are inviting them to their planet, and really want to “meet their maker”, and so they convince a trillionaire (Guy Pearce, looking like an old Bill Maher) to finance a ship and crew to do just that. Presumably the ship cost most of the funding, so not all individuals of the crew were the top of their field (on a potentially suicide mission), but still. We got a pilot (Idris Elba), a biologist (Rafe Spall), a geologist (Sean Harris), some sort of high level CEO like figure (Charlize Theron) and an adroid who is fucking fantastic (Michael Fassbender).

Of course other people too, like medics, navigators, security, etc. But eh whatever.

They go to the planet, find the people in question, but they are all dead (OR ARE THEY?). Also, find some nice black ooze. I’m sure after this they go home disappointed and no one dies.

After unlocking all of the secrets of the universe, of course.

Let me go over some pros first:

Michael Fassbender as an android. So good. So so good.
The visuals and shiny colors.
That basic premise.

Some of the cons?
Well, obviously, this is by far the worst depiction of a geologist I have ever seen in film. Thus my comments on not top of the field. Scientifically, a lot of this film is a travesty. Liz demanding no weapons on a new planet for safety, is pretty dumb, as is having only one “Expert’ on each field. But man, that geologist. It sucked, knowing he would die so fast in the film before I knew his field.

A lot of the characters don’t get as much development as one would like. So when certain self sacrifices are made, emotionally it doesn’t hurt as much because we barely know these people. Other conversations seemed forced (“I can’t have babies!” “Father!” etc) and it almost cringe worthy to see. Also drugs.

If I could rate this just on potential? It would be quite high. A lot of the elements are there but I think a bit too much was left on the cutting room floor. This film with a directors cut would probably be great. There is a lot of implied themes that make this film great as well, with plenty of evidence. Just…not enough for me to call it great.

Give a watch, but maybe wait for a nice Directors cut on Blu-Ray.

The Extra Man is one of those films I just threw in and said, “NOW ENTERTAIN ME MYSTERIOUS MOVIE!”. I tend to yell at inanimate things. Less feelings are hurt.

What I didn’t know was how weirdly unique everything about this movie would be. Hooray!

Take it all in. Slowly, while everything seems normal.

The movie begins with one Louis (Paul Dano) teaching at a small college literature. Kind of guy who loves the Great Gatsby, and novels from the 20s. Generally loves everything from that period, and wishes he could live there. Even wishes he had nonchalant narrators narrating his life, and often thinks of it. Well, due to downsizing he no longer has his job, and probably has nothing to do with the fact that he was trying on another professors bra.

So a guy has an urge to wear women clothing on occasion, surely that isn’t a big deal? He decides the need to find himself, he answers an add for a room with a cantankerous older gentleman, Henry Harrison (Kevin Kline) who is very proper and sophisticated. He also is an “Extra man”, or someone who accompanies older women on nights out on the town, like a prostitute, without the sex. Speaking of sex, no weird sex stuff goes on his place, it would not be appropriate. He also meets one of the neighbors, Gershon Gruen (John C. Reilly) who helps “lift things” and is very secretive.

Louis ends up getting a job working for an environmentalist magazine, pretending to be very green and environmentally friendly, thanks to the boss man (John Pankow), and is happy to find a very cute vegan coworker (Katie Holmes) who is seeing an activist. Damn it.

But during all this, Louis is learning the city through his roommate, and learning a lot more than he thought possible. He even dreams of one day also being an Extra Man, so that he can experience the lash and luxuries that he just seems so naturally suited for, including seducing one of the richest, Vivian (Marian Seldes) and meeting women of a similar position (Celia Weston).

So can he be a successful gentleman? Or will he continue to explore his fascination with lady garments? Or will he change himself completely for a VEGAN?

He is more human when he sings.

So a lot is going on in this movie, told from the point of view of Louis, despite being a book about the Henry. Hey, whatever, I don’t care ’bout no book.

I was finding it all incredibly interesting, despite not knowing what the heck was the end game. But I thought the film lost a bit of steam as it tried to end. Some plot lines dropped quickly, and I wanted them to be more explored more, damn it. Something about it, just made me a bit disappointed. If the ending was a bit better, it’d be a 3 for sure.

SPY MOVIES.

But this is not your James Bond type of Spy Movie. This is the more subtle, information based spy movie. Of course more secret government organizations. But it is also British, and with other European people. As a hardcore American, that is a negative to me. Because we are the best.

But honestly, I knew absolutely nothing about Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy before I watched it, just that it was probably a book.

Reading is sooooo European.

The movie begins with Jim Prideaux (Mark Strong) sent to Hungary by the head of the Circus (British Intelligence nickname?) (John Hurt) to meet a native to buy secrets! Too bad he gets shot and captured though. That is not the plan, so the head gets canned, and his aide, George Smiley (Gary Oldman) get into forced retirement, and the head dies soon after from being old.

They get replaced by Tinker (Toby Jones) and his new right hand man, Tailor (Colin Firth) and also Soldier (Ciaran Hinds) and Poorman (David Dencik ) also move up the ranks. Bet you thought that last code name would be Spy? Yeah, what teases. Spy would also be a poor code name.

Speaking of poor nicknames, they move up the ranks due to Witchcraft! Russian secret intelligence they have found and traded to the Americans for even more intelligence. Smiley is brought back out of retirement from Ricki Tarr (Tom Hardy), as there are reports of a mole in the British government, someone who has been there for quite some time.

He has obvious suspects, but starts with those who left around the same time as him and works his way inward. He gets a team of people, including someone played by Benedict Cumberbatch, to do some secret espionage stuff to find out who the mole is, and if the initial outing of Smiley and others was all part of someones plan.

Other secrets to find out! Just what the mole was doing, the true purpose of the Hungary visit, and how jerky some peopl can be.

LOOK AT HIM. Not even an unrelated caption. Just do it.

In other news, this is efinitely not a movie I could watch again and again. It is a slower pace, obviously, and strictly feels like a very tame game of chess. The actors involved all do wonderful jobs, but personally I didn’t see a need to give Gary Oldman more props than the rest of the cast (Nominated for Best Actor for the film). When everyone does a fine job, I just find it harder to praise a single person.

However the plot I never really seemed to care for. Couldn’t relate to older British intelligence officers, go figure. I was just hoping the American’s wouldn’t get screwed over or made seem stupid in the movie. And well, it kind of happened. Whoops.

Decent movie, but just not my kind of film.

I’d like to think that they made This Means War after the successes of Knight and Day and Killers, the former that I love, the later that I don’t ever want to see. I mean, Spies and love seemed to have work. So why not actually make it spies competing for love?

It’s like lets take all the action from those movies, and turn it into zany hijinks to learn secrets about a woman and win her heart?

This is the kind of stuff that encourage people to stalk their loved ones.

Lauren (Reese Witherspoon) is just a girl, who does product testing for a living in a city where she is alone except for one of her good friends (Chelsea Handler). She has relationship problems, because she moved there to be with her ex, who ended up cheating on her. So she dumped him. But she is all alone now! And the ex is totally getting married to the woman who was the cheatee. Damn.

Tuck (Tom Hardy) and FDR (Chris Pine) are CIA operatives who are a bit too reckless, so they get grounded for a bit. Finding themselves with a lot of free time, they go back on the market. Tuck, while being British, also has a young son, and an ex wife (who didn’t like all of his travel as a “Travel Agent”), decides to join a dating website where he meets Lauren. FDR, a ladies man, ends up meeting Lauren at a movie rental place (those exist?) and she doesn’t like him at first, but has to go on a date with him just because he is persistent.

Little do they know they are now pursuing the same girl, so they lay some ground rules. No letting her know their real identities (a given), that they know each other, and definitely no sex, not until she has picked. But they also have to do some CIA things, like stop some Heinrich (Til Schweiger) guy that only kind of matters to the plot. Mostly at the end to fuck things up.

Speaking of fuck things up, Lauren ends up liking both guys, and vice versa, who saw that coming? Her friend encourages her to date both, but when she still can’t decide, the tiebreaker has to go down to the “Fuck test”. Ruh roh. Their job is effected, loss of friends, loss of trust, spy problems, etc. In other news, I wish this was a Warhammer game, because the title could have been more epic.

This. Means. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

That joke is for a very specific kind of nerd.

Here is where I say there was good and bad parts of the movie, overall just making it okay. I liked the plot actually, but thought it ended lame. I didn’t think there was much chemistry between either couple, although the guys felt like friends for most of the movie.

I didn’t like the force villain approach either. Makes since for them to have to do actually do a job eventually, but eh, if they were grounded, the whole movie could have just been them doing spy things to spy on the girl, and interfere with each others dates. Actual action every once in awhile just felt weird.

None of the performances are too great either. Just okay.

Man On A Ledge, a very descriptive title for a mysterious movie. I was confused when I saw the TV spots for this movie at first, the commercials definitely made it look like it was a TV show. But there was no way an entire show can be based on a guy maybe going to jump off of a building.

Unless it was on AMC, but then those 8 episodes would probably be the most amazing episodes of TV of all time.

But nope, it was a movie. But what the heck was it about? Very sketch previews. I did want to see it in theaters, but alas, no friends to go with. I was hoping it would be another movie like Phone Booth (which I love). But it is in fact, way different.

For instance, phone booths are 9 times out of 10 a safer place to be than a ledge.

The only stuff I will say in this will be known from the first thirty minutes. I mean, you have to get some plot as to why he is on the ledge. If not, you wouldn’t read this part at all!

Nick Cassidy (Sam Worthington) used to be a cop, but got sentenced to jail for a felony. At the funeral of his dad, he found an opportunity to escape, and oh boy did he. He claims he was set up, where he allegedly stole very valuable diamonds from a local real estate / diamond guy (Ed Harris). Even his former partner (Anthony Mackie), despite his claim to innocence.

What does he do with his new found freedom? He makes a fake identity, gets a nice room and goes to stand on the ledge in the middle of NYC. Wooo, a jumper!

He refuses to talk to the original hostage negotiator (Edward Burns) but demands instead Lydia Mercer (Elizabeth Banks), someone who ended up getting a cop killed a month earlier, and the current red headed step child of the police department. Maybe he is just stalling though. He is after all talking secretly in a hands free device to his brother (Jamie Bell) and his brother’s girlfriend (Genesis Rodriguez), who are across the street trying to break into a jewelry vault.

Wait what?!

A lot of the film takes place here though.

Thankfully the film had a lot more going on in it than just a diamond heist. And he wasn’t on the ledge the whole time either. Thanks to things like flash backs, the heist itself, cops doing cop work, and leaving the edge within the last 20 minutes, it is more than a one note thing. It is obviously a metaphor and literal title, given he is on a ledge, and just means a man who has no place else he can go. Either prove his innocence (if he isn’t lying) or die trying. Animal in a corner, and other stuff like that.

It had an okay plot, and a decent heist, but was still probably a bit too long. A few of the potential “oh man, action!” parts are just him acting like he will jump, when we all know it won’t ever happen. Not that early, at least.

Sucker Punch was a highly anticipated movie when I first saw the previews on TV. I mean, it just looked visually stunning. I knew absolutely nothing on the plot, I just knew that I wanted to see it.

And I did! In theaters. Leaving with mixed reviews. Despite that, I knew I still one day also wanted to see it on Blu-Ray. Because man was it pretty.

OMG SAMURAI BEASTS.

I won’t spend too much time with the plot, because it is up for interpretation technically how much of it is real, and how many layers of fantasy are involved. Why is it up for interpretation? Because I said so.

Movie begins with Babydoll (Emily Browning) fighting off her step dad, who wins and puts her in a mental institution, now that the mom is dead, so he can claim the inheritance. But right as she is about to get lobotomized by the doctor (Jon Hamm!) it switches to a brothel of some sorts, with young women dancers, recreating the exact scene. Because Lobotomies are hot. Sweet Pea (Abbie Cornish) is the star of the Brothel, but Babydoll is a new girl brought in from the Orphanage. She doesn’t talk much and seems upset.

Probably because she is in a brothel. The other main girls there are Rocket (Jena Malone), Blondie (Vanessa Hudgens), Amber (Jamie Chung), taught by the dance instructor (Carla Gugino). But when she is made to dance, she goes on a weird fantasy adventure, where the Wise Man (Scott Glenn) tells her how to escape, and the items she needs to collect, along with a secret item.

So Babydoll makes it her mission to go and collect these items, while every time she dances, she goes into one of these fantasy trances, whether it is versus the steampunk nazi federation, and robot trains, and etc. But what is really going on the whole time? And how the heck does she look when she dances? Also, Oscar Isaac plays the Brothel owner / main bad guy.

Lot of action violence, all done by tiny women!

Some will say that the only reason this exists is for men to have things to oogle. But pfft, people don’t make movies like that. More specifically, to make nerd guys go crazy. But nerd guys realize they also want a good plot with their crazy action fantasy movies featuring a cast of mostly women. The plot is obviously the weakest part of this movie. It is incredibly nonsensical and hard to explain.

That isn’t the only problem. Some of the fantasy scenes are just WAY too long. I think the first one with the full group of women, I feel like it drags on forever. I was thinking we’d never go back to the main plot line of the movie, escape from the Brothel. These scenes could have been editted down a lot more, to make the pacing better and probably more enjoyable.

But also, this CGI fest is just…so pretty.

Just to prove a point, here is a third picture.

And it is so fucking stunning. Just think, if the plot was better and edited it down, this could have been the coolest experience ever!