Tag: 2 out of 4

The Wedding Ringer seems to fail at the most basic level, having an interesting title. A lot of movies begin with “The Wedding” and end with some noun. Ringer is really only associated with The Ringer and that is a weird movie to be kind of associated with. Or it might make it sound like a shitty horror, if you think about it hard enough.

Oh well. I will note that Sony Pictures really wanted people to see this film a head of time. I think I could have first gone to a screening in October or so. And then roughly 2 a week until it finally came out (exaggeration, but barely). I am normally a bit more weary about films that show too many screenings, because I think they don’t think they will be successful without a lot of positive word of mouth. Like, a lot a lot. And that means it is probably shit.

Not that I am judging it or anything. But Kevin Hart has been on a downward spiral in terms of film quality, with me hating the last few of his movies outside of About Last Night. But hey, despite all these negatives maybe I will be surprised.

This movie probably will taste better with copious amounts of alcohol.

Doug Harris (Josh Gad) is super rich. Like, parents died, took over their business, gained a lot of wealth, and makes a lot of income. He is also kind of fat and awkward and has no friends. But when the daughter of one of his clients suddenly gets interested in him and finds him interesting, he runs with it. Now he is marrying Gretchen (Kaley Cuoco-Sweeting) and it is expensive. She wants everything and he agrees, this includes a big bridal party. Now ten days away, all she knows about the bridal party is their names, weird things about them, but no pictures and none of them around. Shit.

So Doug finds out about Jimmy (Kevin Hart), who runs a Best Man for hire business. With the time line and the number of people needed, Doug needs The Golden Tux package, costing him another $50k, but he is doing it because he totally knows lying is the best option to make his soon to be wife happy. Inventing fake friends ftw. He just stills has to impress her much smarter sister (Olivia Thirlby) and angry dad (Ken Howard).

And we also have the 7 hired groomsmen. Jorge Garcia, Affion Crockett, Dan Gill, Corey Holcomb, Colin Kane, Alan Ritchson, and Aaron Takahashi. Also Ignacio Serricchio as a gay Hispanic wedding planer. And Jenifer Lewis as Hart’s assistant and advice giver. I think I got every one in there.

The most eclectic group of friends since All In The Family. Errr.

One of the most annoying parts of this movie is it just is an impossible service to imagine. Doug has to pay $50,000 for the service he offers, and the only other price we see is about $20,000. Some people apparently have a lot of money on the side that their soon to be spouse know absolutely nothing about. So it is not only a huge breach of trust, spending that much extra before you share things, but the other breach of trust about lying about someone in your life. It is crazy.

So after I get over that fact, there are quite a few amusing moments in the movie. I could tell how the whole thing would end after about 20 minutes, so they never really stray off of the beaten path. That is a bit disappointing.

The cast of extra characters was entertaining. Kevin Hart was his usual self. Gad was never really anything funnier than “That fat guy”, so his character needed a lot of work. They gave me a Lost joke, which is all I really cared for.

The Wedding Ringer is okay, and not the giant shit show I thought it would be. After all, Kevin Hart’s last January movie was Ride Along which failed to live up to its potential.

Ho Ho Ho, bitches! Let’s talk about Santa.

Now, I am partially responsible for the well being and care of two children, currently 5 and 3. And the idea of Santa was tossed around, but me and my wife agreed to not do Santa with them. We don’t like it. I personally don’t care about the spirit of Christmas, and I also don’t like lying (to kids). I see no harm in saying that Christmas is about helping the economy, giving people you love, like or adequately appreciate gifts, and partying near the end of the year. Just had to equate Santa to being a cartoon character and it made sense.

Making it so that they don’t run through kindergarten screaming it is the harder aspect.

But hey, Santa is still cool in my book. Just not going to let some fictional asshole take credit for presents I purchased. And since Christmas was on a Documentary day for my website, I would have preferred to review Saving Christmas. However, I don’t want to give Kirk Cameron any of my money, and I already got duped once paying for a terrible documentary with America: Imagine The World Without Her.

Instead, I found I Am Santa Claus, a documentary from this year, about people who dress up like Santa during the season, and how they act the rest of the year.

We got a lot of variety too. We have a Real Estate Santa, a gay “bear” Texas Santa, a sprinkler salesman who changes his name to Santa Claus, and an unemployed Santa who is hoping for another Santa gig to move into a trailer and out of a basement.

And we also have Mick Foley.

College can literally get you anywhere in life.

That’s right, famous ex-Wrestler Mankind. He really loves Christmas and wants to play Santa for real, not Mick Foley in a Santa costume. So we see him on a quest to learn about how to be a great Santa, get his costume, his hair dyed, the whole works. And you know, give kids the spirit of Christmas or some shit.

But his story isn’t the best. No, the most interesting story is of the unemployed Santa, waiting for weeks to see if he can get his job offer to see if he can afford to move out on his own again. His story has emotions. Two of the four Santas are completely forgettable after the fact. I also did like the concern over a Santa who is a President of the Fraternity Of Real Bearded Santas (FORBS), who apparently opened a swingers bar and practices as well. This made some Santas uncomfortable. The small amount of debate over who should be playing Santa, based on religious backgrounds, gender, or bedroom practices was interesting, but I thought it could have been showcased way better.

So, one Santa story is super interesting. A small debate is interesting. Another Santa and Foley are okay stories. And two I don’t remember a lot about. That turned a potentially awesome Santa documentary into an average one. Oh well. Let’s all go open presents now!

Day four of Musical Week also falls on a Thursday. Hmmm. That is my documentary review day. Can I do it? Of course I can do it. When you think “musical” and “docuementary”, the only real cross over would be some sort of concert movie. But! There hasn’t been a sweet teen sensation concert movie for over a year. The last one was the One Direction movie.

So instead I found Metallica Through The Never. You may have guessed it already, but this concert movie/movie has a lot of Metallica music in it. And all of it comes from actual concerts that they filmed the footage at from a few concerts on one of their tours. However there is also a small story in here, clearly fictional with actors, set to Metallica songs, to give us a very strange movie hybrid.

They must have thought a regular concert documentary was boring and for teeny-boppers. So they wanted something more.

The story itself is just about a boy, Trip (Dane DeHaan), a roadie for Metallica, who kind of just has to run and get stuff. Well, during the concert, he has to go and find a package in truck that ran out of gas. Get the truck gas, so it can deliver the package that is very important, for reasons.

But chaos has broken out in the streets. Death, riots, destruction, and maybe some supernatural things as well! And who is The Rider (Kyle Thompson)? Is he the Sandman?!

I picked a concert photo so you all wouldn’t call me out on shenanigans.

I am not a huge Metallica song by any means. None of their songs are on my iPod, but I recognize the famous ones, and I know to make fun of the driver due to his anti-Napster campaigns.

Despite that, I was surprised at how many of the songs played I honestly recognized. Probably at least half of them. So that was a bonus. The music didn’t sound terrible either and it fit the story they were telling nicely.

The story itself? Well, it felt like an acid trip. No crazy colors, but all the other elements were there. At points it was terrifying, mostly it was weird, but it was definitely entertaining.

In fact, I wanted way more of the story and way less of the concert scenes. That is a terrible complaint, I know, for what amounts to a concert film. But because it is a hybrid, I expected more time focused on the story. I would guesstimate the average movie went 75% concert, 25% story.

It should go without saying that if you hate Metallica music, or the genre of music, you won’t gind any enjoyment in this movie. I thought it was a okay experience, and what I can tell, a good first effort for this fantasy concert genre.

Another day of Musical Week, another musical!

This is the third day of Musical Week and I am bringing you a British musical that came out this year as well, just no one ever heard of it. When I was first looking up musicals this year, I saw that this one came out in the summer and was pretty apathetic about it. But that was when I thought Jersey Boys was going to be the best musical of the year. Given the weaker field overall, I figured I would give Walking On Sunshine a second chance.

I had watched the trailer, sure. It was cheesy and terrible, exactly what the most famous musicals are supposed to be like, right? It is a jukebox musical, so I was happy I wouldn’t have to learn or judge new songs. The vague theme of this jukebox is just popular songs from the 1980s. Kind of boring. I feel like that is too big of a spread to choose from, so perfect songs for each moment should be easy.

But we shall see!

Especially if we are forced to by someone holding our head towards the screen.

This is your typical summer lovin’ type of film. Namely, Taylor (Hannah Arterton) and Raf (Giulio Berruti) have what feels like true love. But stuff happens, they cannot stay together.

Now, three years later Taylor is returning to Italy to visit with her best sister Maddie (Annabel Scholey). Surprise! Maddie is actually getting married in Italy, and not to her on again off again ex Doug (Greg Wise). Nope. Some mysterious Italian guy she has only known for five weeks.

I think you see where this is going.

The new fiance is Raf! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

What a crazy random happenstance. Either way, she doesn’t want her sister to know, despite all her old friends knowing (Leona Lewis, Giulio Corso, Danny Kirrane).

And now she has to keep it a secret until she can understand her feelings. And understand Raf’s feelings. And figure out what to do about this wedding mess without ruining her sisters life. Also Katy Brand.

But don’t forget about the singing and dancing.

Walking On Sunshine is everything a musical should be. Cheesy. With some love. Featuring non main characters as back ground dancers. But also, and most importantly in this case, the songs they decided to use in the musical sound unique and aren’t just carbon copies of the original.

Thank goodness.

For the most part, that is what I care about for jukebox musicals. It is one of my top twenty complaints for Glee, when they “sing a song” and it sounds identical to the radio version on the radio with no unique elements.

The story though is incredibly week in this musical. It is like a lot of romcoms or even other musicals. It felt like Mamma Mia! and Moulin Rouge! with other shitty elements rolled in. Also they have Leona Lewis in this movie, a real singer! And she doesn’t have any great singing parts or songs to her self or anything. What the hell is the point of that? I mean, this is a completely original musical, technically, so it is not like the only role she looked like had to be so minor and pointless. What a waste of talent.

It’d be like having Idina Menzel in a musical and not letting her sing. Oh wait.

So, shitty plot, waste of talent, but kept the songs at least somewhat unique and fun. Could have been better, could have been worse.

I had planned to watch this before the latest health development from Mr. Hockey / Gordie Howe. Thankfully he didn’t have another stroke, but man, I have to face it that one of the greatest players is going to die soon. That is very sad, but at least I was old enough to really know about how awesome he was and that he is such a big face in the Red Wings scene over the last few decades.

I also thought this movie was a documentary, but uhh, clearly I was wrong. Even worse it is a TV movie. Even worse is that it is a Hallmark made for TV movie. Even worse, I thought until like, 4 minutes into the movie that it was still a documentary. That was an embarrassingly long time before realizing it was something else. Either way, I will write it like a documentary review either way given its status and give you just one picture. With that, Mr Hockey: The Gordie Howe Story is not a complete life bio, but instead takes place after his first retirement from the Red Wings.

Now Howe (Michael Shanks) is working a desk job as a VP for the Wings and kind of bored. He thinks he can still play, but he has been retired a couple of years. Also, the NHL is in huge disputes with the WHA, another league who is offering higher salaries to steal the better players, despite not being a storied league. They also can draft players younger than the NHL.

So when the Houston Aeros decide to pick Howe’s sons, (Dylan Playfair, Andrew Herr) with their first and later round picks, unexpectantly, the Howe’s move from Detroit to Houston, and Gordie wants to play on a team with his sons. Give it another shot, despite the implications and turning away from the NHL.

And now the fucking Aeros are the Iowa Wild. So Sad.

At this point, Howe was 44, so it was already impressive. Especially since he played for another six years or so, until he was 50, and until the WHA and NHL ended up merging, allowing him to play in an All-Star Game in Detroit before finally hanging up the laces. Also with Kathleen Robertson as Mrs. Hockey and they did a good job of showcasing how important she was. Also Lochlyn Munro as Bobby Hull, which makes me laugh a lot.

As it is a Hallmark movie, yes, this is basically a cheesy inspirational story. And given the number of random ass baseball, football, and basketball players who get better quality films, it is a bit disappointing that a top 5 all time famous Hockey player gets this treatment, but it is still better than nothing.

It did a nice job of explaining his decision and showcasing his relationship with his family. I did love a scene where Mrs. Hockey was explaining the rules to neighbors in their backyard to get more people to go to the games, because honestly, the 1970s in Texas was certainly like that.

But as it is a Hallmark movie, it doesn’t go into any great detail or showcase the game in an exciting way. So as a sports movie, you won’t get your jollies off by watching.

All I really know is Gordie Howe kicks ass, played hockey forever, and will be missed when he is gone. Maybe we have to wait til after his death to get a better movie in his honor. Until then, this one is just okay.

Ding dong the mother fucking witch is dead. That is how I am starting to feel about this franchise. In college, I wanted to do a semester abroad in New Zealand because it is a beautiful country, but now I think I have seen enough of it.

Everyone knows the Lord of the Rings are incredible, so I won’t mention them. I was really excited with The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, it was a bit longer, more CGI, but hey, let’s return to Middle Earth.

I completely hated The Hobbit: The Desolation Of Smaug. It was far too long, and it was a completely filler movie. I mean. FUCK. It didn’t end with the Death of Smaug. The obvious end point at least. It was just a long tease that made me bored and tired.

So, here we are, at The Hobbit: The Battle of Five Armies. Two things of note come up with the last part. First off, I really hate the title. I booed so hard and long once they announced the title change. It was originally The Hobbit: There and Back Again, a title taken from the book of his journey. Great title. This one is as lame as The Desolation Of Smaug (given that Smaug doesn’t get desolated).

Two, this one is going to be a lot more exciting than the second film. That much is certain. It is pretty easy to do when you leave like one cool aspect into the second film and delay the rest for the ending. The third film gives the end of the dragon and the big battle, so it will be super awesome. But at what cost? A shitty second movie. Given the connectedness of these films, it is important to look at them individually and as parts of a whole. So I don’t know if I can really enjoy this movie as much knowing that it was essentially delayed a year because the movies were broken up from two films into three films.

I think I am allowed to be a little biased and peeved going into this film, as I believe the second movie was 160 minutes of my life wasted.

But this one has tiny men on rams! Yay rams!

Okay so. Battle of Five Armies. Before that, we got a Smaug (Benedict Cumberbatch) to kill. And then they do that. Moving onnn.

Humans are all pissed off because their water town is destroyed. They have lost everything, their wealth, their homes. They need a place to go. Making Bard (Luke Evans) their de facto leader, they decide that they kind of want to head to the near by Dwarven stronghold for safety. And to get some of that gold that was promised to them.

Speaking of people who want to go to the stronghold, the wood elves are dicking around too. Apparently there is some priceless treasure in there that they want back. And that is all. A bunch of the elves are played by these people (Lee Pace, Evangeline Lilly, Orlando Bloom). Hugo Weaving and Cate Blanchett are elves too, but they are in another part of the story. I don’t really understand what they are doing with Christopher Lee and Ian McKellen, so I won’t talk about it.

Oh yeah. Dwarves. Like Thorin (Richard Armitage). He is now a real King because he has a real Castle, but he is after his special stone and is kind of going mad. Mad enough to go to war with the humans and the wood elves. But also, the orcs that no one know are coming. And Bilbo (Martin Freeman) is kind of just hanging around.

There are also non Dwarven actors, like Ryan Gage and Stephen Fry. But also all those Dwarves? I still don’t feel like tagging most of them. Just Billy Connolly, Aidan Turner, and Dean O’Gorman. I think I am done talking about the plot. And actors.

BUT WHO IS THE FIFTH ARMY?

Orlando – “I heard you got a role in another franchise. Lucky. This one is finally owner.”
Luke – “Dude, no one is going to watch the Monster Avengers movies.”

Yeahhh, dead dragon and big army fights!

And some of that was really cool. Well, the dragon death felt kind of rushed and awkward. Like, somehow, the cartoon version of The Hobbit had a more intense dragon death scene than this movie. It kind of just happened, exactly as one would expect too. So that was actually disappointing. Just that it ended so quick and easy, they could have made the death way more awesome and also, you know…put it in the fucking second movie?

Now the army fight was pretty bamf. So that is good. Entertaining fight scenes, although it was hard to follow just how many humans were actually in the war and how the battle grounds were laid out. You just kind of had to go with it and accept it, although I doubt it was planned out. Martin Freeman still made a good Bilbo, so that was good. But of course, the focus wasn’t really on him this whole movie, despite the title. He gets super pushed to the side.

The love story is not as bad as the second one I guess, because of all the fighting going on during it.

And as I said above, I have no idea what the point of the necromancer story line was. Like, they resolved it I guess, but it was totally unexplained and felt incredibly pointless. It was really shitty.

Overall, that makes this movie just okay. Not the weakest of the series, maybe the best. Hard to say. None of these match the LOTR quality and I don’t think that was their goal. But I can’t help but feel the entire franchise was a let down. I haven’t bought any of them, because I know I want to wait for the cool extended package with all of them bundled. But also, will I actually watch any of these again? Probably not. I will probably watch the cartoon Hobbit more.

Heh. Heheheheh. They Came Together. That title. Oh man. Oh boy.

I’m done. I can’t even think of a good intro because of that.

However, I would feel like an asshat if I didn’t first mention that this movie had already been reviewed on my website. Yah! Here is a link! Because I totally have guest reviews on my website, not a lot, but they are there. And from them, of the seven, one I had reviewed already, one I reviewed soon after, and this one I reviewed way way later.

I think I am just stalling.

Like how I am avoiding cleaning up my leaves in my yard.

This movie is your classic romcom. And that is how they sell it. It is literally a spoof movie on romcoms, and they basically say that in the opening scene.

It is your classic boy meets girl. Joel (Paul Rudd) is a big corporate man working for a candy shop. Molly (Amy Poehler) is a klutz and owner of an independent candy shop. Oh my goodness, conflict!

Joel has a long term girlfriend (Cobie Smulders) who doesn’t love him like he does. Molly has an ex-husband and a kid.

Joel has a best friend (Jason Mantzoukas) who introduces him to a girl from work. Molly also has a best friend (Melanie Lynskey) who also wants to do that same thing!

Joel has a group of best friends who help him decide relationship advice. Molly has a black coworker friend (Teyonah Parris) who helps her keep it real.

Joel also has to deal with his younger brother (Max Greenfield) who is busy following his dreams and not making a living. Molly has other options, like a banker (Ed Helms) who wants to get closer to her.

I think you get the gist. It has a lot more people in it too! Like Christopher Meloni, Bill Hader, Ellie Kemper, Michael Ian Black, Kenan Thompson, Jack McBrayer, and Ken Marino.

I don’t have a joke here. I just like the picture a lot. 🙁

I felt ridiculous writing this, because in all honesty, it was a ridiculous movie. I actually put off watching it for so long, because I thought I wouldn’t like it, or it would be as average as a romantic realistic indie movie. And hey, it was weird and unique! So that was good.

It is hard to find a nice spoof movie nowadays. And I think They Came Together gave one of the better attempts at it. I did laugh at quite a few of the absurdities, and found it pretty funny. But, by the end, I thought aspects of it were going too strong and the joke was losing its luster. A bit. You know? Maybe too much of a good thing. Hell, I even had a good time explaining some of the jokes to others, but I didn’t think this is a movie I could really watch again and enjoy it as much of the first time. I think it will quickly stale out.

This is all conjecture. I might love it forever. But if anything, these reviews are first impressions and my impressions can often change through time. I usually don’t like changing a review later, because who would notice and ehhh, apathy. This time I am pretty sure that I would only enjoy this movie once though. And that is why it is just an okay film in that regard. Without staying power, I don’t want to buy it. If I don’t want to buy it, then is it really that great?

If I was a White Bird, I would stay far away from blizzards.

Correction, if I was any color bird, I would stay away from all forms of snow. Fuck that. Birds and snow don’t go together. I am also under the impression that penguins are secretly fish. I don’t think my bird body could deal with snow, let alone lots of it.

So sure, a White Bird In A Blizzard may be impossible to see, but if you are any bird in a blizzard, you are probably fucked regardless, right?

Maybe the moral of this movie, that I haven’t watched yet, is that you are fucked either way, but sometimes you are fucked and invisible.

What? This shit isn’t even a metaphor? She is literally in a blizzard people, wearing white, and being white!

First off, get your time machines ready, this movie takes place in the past. Namely, the late 80’s and very early 90’s. So not too distant, but also before some of you were born.

No cell phones, no GPS, no facebooks, so when Kat’s (Shailene Woodley) mom, Eve (Eva Green), goes missing, there is not a lot they can do to find her. She vanished with no trace and no sign of fowl play. Kat’s dad, Brock (Christopher Meloni), is terribly shook up. Brock is a beta bitch, a pushover, and really doesn’t know how to live comfortably after this news. It seems Eve just grew a bit crazy, being a housewife, not getting to be as wild as she used to be, having to make dinner and stay at home all day. So she just bailed, especially when Brock didn’t really fulfill her sexually.

And who could fulfill her sexually, based on her movie history? And based on his TV history.

Either way, all of this has messed up Kat’s social life a bit. She is blossoming into a flower and doesn’t want to be like her mom, so she has sex when she wants and with who she wants. Usually her neighbor/boyfriend (Shiloh Fernandez). But maybe older men who she shouldn’t be messing with. Maybe.

Oh well. Life sucks. Kat feels lost. And she has to rely on her relationships, her friends (Mark Indelicato, Gabourey Sidibe) and the Detective (Thomas Jane) to help her get by unscathed without being too messed up.

A strong independent black woman and a gay male, the best of best friends represented.

Whoa. This movie dealt with some serious issues. Let’s compare them to Miss Woodley’s other work!

Divergent didn’t really deal with anything serious, as it was clearly just an intense high school film. She didn’t make it into the final cut of The Amazing Spider-Man 2 movie, so no issues at all. The Fault In Our Stars was about death and life at a young age, so we are getting closer. And The Spectacular Now also had a lot of serious issues.

But the issues in this movie are definitely the most serious. And most shocking, given her status as a younger franchise leading woman now. Because this movie deals with a lot of sex, and because of that, sex happens, and yeah, I can see why maybe the Divergent producers maybe wanted to hide this movie from the general public. They might not want their young star being in movies all naked and having sex with older men. Might ruin imaging.

This might be why White Bird In A Blizzard didn’t get a super wide or public release. It kind of just snuck out of nowhere on my radar. It is based on a book, but who cares.

Or or or or hey. Or maybe. Just maybe. It didn’t get a wide release because it wasn’t the best film?

I mean, it had some nice moments. But it also had a lot of dull ones. I don’t think it fell into too many cliches, it just didn’t really seem like a movie that would never stick with me too long after watching it. I won’t forget about the entire movie in a month, just most of it.

Happy Thanksgiving! For those not reading this on Thanksgiving, happy day!

Thanksgiving movies really don’t exist, so in general, my Thanksgiving reviews have had one theme. Parts of Thanksgiving dinner. And no, I haven’t reviewed a movie called Turkey yet. But I did review both Butter and Milk, so my dairy should be done. Let’s start with some of the main sides.

King Corn is a slightly older documentary now, 2007, which is the old limit for reviews from my website. I try not to do anything before 2009 now, unless there is a special occasion. Like…a holiday!

King Corn is a decently famous early documentary about corn and how it has infiltrated our very existence. I am willing to wager before this documentary, it wasn’t as common knowledge what was happening in the corn industry and how it affected everyone in the United States. And maybe, just maybe, how it made us fat.

Those two boys are going to eat the entire field on that truck. That’ll do it.

The two main guys are Ian Cheney and Curt Ellis, two friends who moved from Boston to Greene, Iowa to have an experiment. They both have family roots back to this area, and they asked to borrow one acre of someones land, to grow corn, to see how the whole process works, and see how much money they can make.

Of course, once they do, they find out how everything is paid out to them by the government, and purely in terms of how much land they produce. But the farmers and now have much bigger farms than ever before, and produce way more than is necessary, but the flat rate from the government makes it okay to do that. They don’t have to worry about the economy fluctuating, just the growing and production of corn.

And now corn is in everything in terms of high fructose corn syrup. Literally everything. Pure sugar. Maybe making us fat? Definitely doesn’t help.

Either way, this was a very eye opening documentary at the time, but given in such a simple way. It is about two guys farming, so of course it is a simple story, but it isn’t able to go hard after anyone driving the factors. It can’t get us into a corn syrup factory, we don’t get to hear from any policy makers. Just farmers farming, mostly. And so a simple documentary, although interesting, gets a simple grade.

Ugh. So here we go.

Brief recap of the series from my POV. Hunger Games – Too much training, not enough games. Too much shaky cam, not enough actual action. It is okay. 2 out of 4. Catching Fire – Figured the plot would be contrived and forced to be similar, but it wasn’t. A much better movie, less shaky cam, better acting. 3 out of 4.

So that is some of my biases coming in to this movie. Or should I call it half a movie? After all, The Hunger Games Mockingjay, the final book, was split in half for movie sake. Oh joy. Just like Twilight. Just like Harry Potter. I am sure Divergent will split the final book into three parts. Hell, this is becoming so annoying, The Maze Runner got praise for saying it wouldn’t split up any of the books! Yay!

It should be noted, I really really really fucking hate this. It is just a franchise milking more money before it becomes irrelevant. If they can fit the other X books into one movie, they can do it for the final one too. And the first of the two always ends up being weaker. It was the worst Twilight film, and a more boring Harry Potter. That is because it is all set up for the final more exciting part, and usually bullshit.

But at least Harry Potter had the decency to release the films within a year of each other, about 7 months apart. Part 2 of Mockingjay won’t come out until next November, a whole year later, making it seem like another complete movie and not a continuation.

I guess I am mostly mad because for a movie, I want a complete story and not just crappy tv show cliffhangers. Catching Fire ended on a crappy TV show cliff hanger, and this one will give me only part of a story and make me wait a whole year to see the second half. That is abusing the part 1 and part 2 system and is malarkey. The only reason to wait that amount of time is to make more money, and unfortunately it will make it too.

Rough plans for their new conference center to discuss ways to make money once this franchise is done.

For those that aren’t in the know, Catching Fire ended with The 75th Hunger Games ending prematurely. Shit broke, lot of chaos and anarchy, people got left behind, and Katniss (Jennifer Lawrence) finds herself in the once thought destroyed District 13. Looks like they have had a rebel group in here for some time. And so many people are a part of it!

Like, Plutarch Heavensbee (Philip Seymour Hoffman)! And Gale (Liam Hemsworth)! And Haymitch Abernathy (Woody Harrelson) and Effie Trinket (Elizabeth Banks)! Although their involvement may have been less than voluntary.

Katniss has been brought here for one main reason. To help lead a revolution to take down the capital, to unite the districts as one, and to be the face of PR and propaganda. However, when they rescued her, they notably left a few people behind, including Peeta (Josh Hutcherson) and a couple other tributes. She doesn’t want to get involved in this war, she just wants to save Peeta. But she gets sucked into it anyway once she finds out that all of District 12 was basically destroyed.

And that’s that! Let the PR campaign begin! Yay warring governments,even if the District 13 President (Julianne Moore) is kind of boring.

Also featuring a whole lot of other people of course. Most returning. Like Donald Sutherland, Stanley Tucci, Sam Claflin, Jeffrey Wright and Willow Shields. But there is also Mahershala Ali and Natalie Dormer guys. Don’t. Forget. About. Them.

They asked the extras who wants to be Jennifer’s BFF.

I don’t want to sound like a self fulfilling prophesier, but…

I think Mockingjay Part 1 is easily the worst film in the series. And the good news is I gave the recap on top of the other two, so I don’t have to explain their advantages, just talk about this film! The good news is that this film is only 2 hours long, not 140 minutes like the last two. It makes sense, as it is only half of a book anyways. And another good aspect of this movie is that it actually tells a complete story, more or less. We have goals at the beginning of the movie, and by the end, those goals are accomplished in a few ways. They just create a couple more issues and lead up to a bigger and more intense thing.

My issues with the film still relate to the parts though, I guess. Despite its shorter run time, this felt like 30-45 minutes of plot spread out over 2 hours. Everything felt slow, much slower than normal. I can only watch so much angst.

In additional, I cringed quite a few times at lines and actions of characters. They felt so unbelievable or unrealistic given the circumstances that I had to roll my eyes. I found it had at times to really get lost in the movie and allow time to go by easily.

It is still not a terrible film or anything, I just think it didn’t get anywhere close to its full potential. Oh well, we will see how I feel a year from now when I can finally get the end to the story.