Tag: 1 out of 4

This review contains spoilers, technically. Alright, as some background, I am not a Bieber hater. I don’t care about him. If he has a song that I like, I will like it. I enjoy the songs Somebody to Love and Baby. It is also technically the first documentary I am reviewing. I don’t do these a lot, because they are weird to review.

It is a great movie strategy though. If they make a movie every 15 years of Justin’s life, it will be the best documentary ever. Hopefully ending with some drunken alley when he is 50. Not wishing bad thoughts, just drunken ones.

“I used to be someone. I used to be a contender.”

There was some things I definitely despised in this movie. In one picture, Justin is wearing a Colorado Avalanche hat, and in another video, one of his friends has a Duke sweater on. Screw that. I also didn’t like the amount of interviews in the first 30 minutes with little girls talking about Bieber. Was way too many, and hit too often. Would have been better more spread out. Similarly, a lot of the stage performances he did in the first half of the movie were pretty boring, I guess because I didn’t know the songs.

What was good? The performance of (something about a lonely girl?) made me go aww. Was interesting to see the emotion on the people who were picked to be “serenaded too”. I like emotion. This movie also had a central conflict! Justin’s voice might not have been perfect for the MSG performance! He had to postpone shows due to sickness! Ahh! It also teased me by ending about three times.

Seriously. False endings for the lose. “Oh this would be a good time to end. Sike!”It ended with three songs (the title song, some piano song) and finally, after all the wait, got to see Baby. Because honestly, why else would I see this movie? I dislike it ended with that, but I see why they did. So I will say that the only people that will like this movie are people who like Justin Bieber. Obvious reviews are obvious? I will also ask the obvious question. Where is my Taylor Swift Movie?

Taylor Swift: Don’t Be Mean

1 out of 4.

I didn’t realize (despite the title) that this movie was also very spanish like. It was kind of vague about actually where the main girls are from, but they are Latina in nature. The story is actually based on the movie Sense and Sensibilitly (yes it was a book first, leave me alone, I didn’t read the book). I didn’t know it would actually try to have a famous plot to it, I just saw it as a cheesy romantic comedy that could have probably been a made for tv movie. True story, it used to be called Sense and Sensibilidad. Yuck!

The movies main stars are Camilla Belle and Alexa Vega. Wait, Alexa Vega? From Spy Kids? Well. She got hotter.

Also starring… Fez From That 70’s Show?

Vega, in dress. Fez, looking like Enrique. Damn Fez.

Despite having Fez, which makes it kick ass, it did still just feel like a made for TV movie. The other main male lead was the older debater from Rocket Science. Fez played the role of Alan Rickman in this movie (again joke. He played the same “character” Alan Rickman played.) and it probably won’t ever happen again, until we get a reboot of Die Hard.

Fez as Hans Gruber? I can see it.

At the funeral of their dad, it all seemed like a joke to me. No one seemed to look that sad, like the realized this was a lame movie and that they shouldn’t even try.

I was afraid this movie would be way too religious, and, well, it was. Yep. Sympathy for Delicious is a gross title too. No one is actually sure what it means.

Dude gets faith/touch healing ability, sometime after he becomes paralyzed from the waist down. He was just an underground DJ! But now he is crippled. A crippled underground DJ who can heal people played by the writer, Christopher Thornton. Ruffalo (in his first Director role while looking way too much like John Leguizamo in my opinion) tries to get him to use his power to help people. Cause he is a priest.

John Leguizamo could never play a priest, however.

Unfortunately Crippy feels like he is being exploited and feels like he should be getting paid more. So instead he tours with a band, using his power to become all famous and shit. Until he is blamed for a death (as he tried to heal instead of getting help for) and put in prison. Life is shit. Until he does a selfless good thing, then life is good again. Still paralyzed but good life.

Damn this movie. It was pretty overall lame. BUT. I do think the acting by Thornton and Ruffalo was good, culminating to their argument before the trial. Also overall has a gritty indie feel to it. As I always say, acting alone cannot make the film good though. Especially if it really just the one scene. Orlando Bloom is in this movie too, but not important, just the band leader.

I ran out of Ruffalo hulk images. So priest Ruffalo will have to do.

1 out of 4.

Ehhhhh.

Oh. Want more? Ehhhhhhhh.

The picture below is how I felt watching and after watching Blitz.

I am not above using cats on this website.

Blitz starred Jason Statham, and I was super bored. This film could not keep my interest. It was all,

“blahblahbritish talk, blah blah, someone is killing police. But I’m a bad ass cop! I will find him.”
“After how many more police die?”
“I don’t know know, as long as my woman and I are safe. I will find him before he finds me.”

Yep. That is how the whole movie felt. Jason Stathom is only good at action. Afterall, he is pretty much just acting as ridiculous as his real life used to be. This is not even a psychological thriller or anything.

The killer isn’t smart, he just covers up the basic elements. He doesn’t leave clues for them to find him, he just does it. The action is super limited in the movie as well. The biggest action scenes were the beginning and the end of the film. In between that action crust is a lot of bored tofu.

Only reason people do this is because they see Stathom and assume action.

This movie starts off with a good concept (“Good”? I mean, at least it is interesting. Why not have a world where lying isn’t possible!).

The first part of this movie was definitely enjoyable. Once Ricky Gervais accidentally figures out how to lie, he doesn’t know how to explain it. He tries to explain it. But no one gets it. What a crazy world. Louis CK plays his friend too, who at least sticks with him throughout all this. Despite not understanding, he is fine freeloading, like any good friend. Once Ricky finds out he can lie, he becomes wealthy, he becomes a big shot movie writer, and everyone likes him.

Yet for some reason Jennifer Garner doesn’t want to fuck him. After all, he has pug nosed fat genes. Regardless of how interesting he seems, she can’t imagine how shitty their children would look. Rob Lowe of course is the example of the perfect human.

Yuck! Look at those hideous beasts! How dare they share an elevator with THE Jennifer Garner.

Anyways, despite being enjoyable, the first 20 ish minutes before the lie, it is pretty repetitive. Thankfully, they handle first and foremost that using it for sex is bad. Or at least way too awkward. Either way, after the main character gets all he wants and there is still half a movie left to go, it just becomes sad. Like. I didn’t find 4/5 of the movie to actually be a comedy, overall just kind of depressing. Sure it took him forever to get with Jennifer Garner, but the route was just blah. He gets into religion, and being more famous than he wants. But holy crap. This was just a sad movie. It had a happy ending? But who cares. I was depressed. Not even a comedy.

Also as a note, and I am sure you were thinking, is they quickly handle the “Oh man, what if he rapes women with this power” situation. That is the first thing he (And most males?) would probably try to do, sleep with a hot chick. Thankfully Ricky finds the situation weird because of how easy it works and decides to never do anything like that again.

“No, I definitely would not have been weirded out with the power to rape anyone and it be okay.”

1 out of 4.

(Short)
Victorian British things and I don’t get along too well.

“Not my fault. I’m renaissance.”

This I have heard is the best film adaption of Jane Eyre ever. Go with that. I was bored by the story. I liked the doorknob scene early on, but it all went downhill for me after that.

This movie is a ‘chick flick’ with Kate Hudson, the young wife from Big Love, Some guy in a lot of Soaps, and Jim from the Office.

Holy clickable links, Batman!

I obviously wasn’t expecting much from this film to begin, but all of my laughs ended up being from JohnK, as his character seemed like it was acting identically like Jim, with just a little bit less looking at the camera. The story itself is bad morally. So much cheating and lies and not telling people whats going on (different from lies).

You see, girl likes boy. Boy is getting married to other girl. Boy used to like first girl. They girl 1 and boy decide to hook up anyway. Hahaha. Something Borrowed. It’s that wedding thing, but what is being borrowed is a husband!

All the lies that went back and forth was just awkward. I was frustrated with the people. It doesn’t help that based off of the characters characteristics (what?) the wrong choice seems to have been made at the end which is also just frustrating. But yeah. Everyone is flawed in promiscuity, except one character, who I guess is flawed in his anger (probably just represents how the viewers would be acting).

Also, roughly every other scene it seems like people were drinking and or drunk. Ah yes, Alcohol, the catalyst for shy white people to make bad decisions.

Holy shit (hah!) is this movie short! I mean, my bar said 87 minutes, but the credits began at the 80 minute mark. The opening credits was a good chunk as well (even though there was story during that, but more on that later).

What is this, Land Before Time VI? (No. That is 77 minutes long). A friend of mine said that he thought they left a lot of the movie on the cutting room floor, which I have to agree. The plot confused me at times, and its not like this is hard hitting thinking material. But everything was either rushed. Or just not much happened. It is hard to tell.

Above: Either hard hitting thinking material, rushed material, or nothing at all.

Did I find things interesting? Yes. I enjoyed a majority of the fight scenes, visually they were great. Speaking of visually great, the opening of movie was good too. I believe it was done by the Priest artist of the comic, Hyung Min-woo. Probably why it was overall my favorite part.

I liked that the vampire eggs apparently hatched the same way a whelp hatchling would (Yah, I went WoW). I understand why the vampires lacked eyes and were very bug like. That is just science! I also like how it was a pseudo-western with kind of science fictiony angle.

Now I don’t understand why the Church would lie. I don’t understand why he went corny at the end with “No the war is just beginning!” nor do I like Maggie Q. Go away Maggie Q. Get a real name. I still want to read the source material, which I bet is fantastic.

I have been waiting to see both Tron and Tron: Legacy for awhile. When Legacy came out on Blu-Ray, a local target had a sale for both movies on Blu-Ray for $30, but didn’t have the original there. It was sold out. So I said, “Screw you Target!” and didn’t get either. I felt like I was missing a part of life by not seeing the original Tron. I knew all the pop culture references, just not the movie. I was horribly disappointed with Tron though. Think it is popular more so because of its groundbreaking effects of the time, than actual movie quality, and that is the opinion that has stuck in our conscious. The Avatar effect, if you will.

“Dude, quit dissing us on your site.”

This is a review of the second though, which could easily be watched without the first, which I guess was part of my problem. Despite being a twenty some year later sequel, you really don’t have to see the first at all to understand the second. So, why make it a sequel? Just because it has a similar world. Not worth it in my eyes. Yes. I also found that the music was good (as reported), and the visuals were fantasticles on Blu-Ray, it is just everything besides those two I found to be lacking.

Why are all the programs either goth, or just audience noises? Where is my fat people programs (the first Tron had that one guy). Maybe they just want to be far away from Tron Guy. It makes me wonder, what if Jeff Bridges didn’t become a big name actor? They really lucked out on having him, cause he was great in it. If they had a lame person in Tron, then they’d get a new person for that roll in this, and you know, not have as real of a feel. I hated the CGI young Flynn too. Olivia Wilde didn’t interest me either. Anyways, the plot was either weak or just confusing. So the movie might be best to just be on the background, especially if on drugs. It was more about effects than entertainment.

This must be a good idea! Two of the biggest names in Hollywood (there is a fat joke there) in a buddy comedy about travelin’ and happy times to see a woman give birth (gross) by her Due Date. Because, just like in real life, if people have to rush anywhere, they will have hilarious hijinks and missteps along the way that makes their lives completely difficult, but yet when they are finished, they can look back on it and laugh. Just like real life.

“And then after all that he still wouldn’t give us back my teeth! Hil-ARIOUS!”

I wondered why I didn’t hear much about it when it was finally released. To me, it must be because it did not live up to his potential. I can see that a large inspiration to this movie was probably Planes, Trains, and Automobiles, but instead of just normal allusions or a quick reference, it seemed like some of the bigger plot points were just taken directly from PTA. But instead of done in a more clever way, they were just done in a more gross modern humor way.

One of the biggest moments of conflict between Robert Downey Jr. and Zach Galifianakis is taken straight from PTA, and it makes it just seem lazy. The biggest differences between the two movies is that John Candy‘s annoying character is actually likable, and just misunderstood, and it has a touching ending that makes everyone feel good inside. Zack Galifianakis’ character just is annoying and I hate him throughout the movie. Yes RDJ’s guy is an ass, but I think it is justified. Could be my ass-side talking though. Overall it could have been a lot better.

Oh yeah, the wife is played by Michelle Monaghan. What? She was just in Source Code (my last reviewed movie). She is everywhere, damn!