Tag: 1 out of 4

Pretty Bird is a story about what everyone dreams about and wants. A jet pack.

Or a Rocket Belt as they call it in this movie. Based kind of off of true events, where a Rocket Belt was invented in the mid 90s. Yes, we are going back to one of the scariest moments of US History. Post-Grunge.

But you could tell that from the fashion.

Curtis Prentiss (Billy Crudup) is an entrepreneur. And by that, I mean a guy with a plan and an idea, and someone who can talk really good like. He has a friend Kenny (David Hornsby, who is the Brother in Law to Zooey Deschanel) who is pretty wealthy and looking to invest in things. He also likes the idea of a rocket belt!

But their problem is you know, needing someone to make it. An idea and money isn’t always good enough, you need someone with those brain smarts. If they are into physics or rocketry, even better. Enter Rick Honeycutt (Paul Giamatti) who just got laid off from his job and has nothing to do. Perfect!

So they get to work, needing more and more money, having a lab, etc. Eventually they get a prototype that actually works, for about 30s at a time!

Then other stuff happens. All three men have clashing personalities, so they fight a lot. Other investors brought in. And eventually the rocket pack goes missing, never to be seen again. Also featuring Kristen Wiig as a secretary like person and potential love interest. Hollaaa.

That hand-vac really amps up the sex appeal.

This film is actually the directorial debut of Paul Schneider, or Mark Brendanawicz if you are cool. And really there is not much to say about it.

Guy gets idea, idea works, too much success to quickly, everyone flips a shit, history doesn’t change.

And I can’t tell how much of it is true and how much is exaggerated. But plot wise, it isn’t exciting at all, despite dealing with jet packs. I think I really enjoyed one scene, it had some yelling, and another was funny, but after that was a meh-fest. So didn’t see the point of telling the tale. Oh well.

Generally, most people will tell you they were disappointed with the original Ghost Rider movie. Ghost Rider himself is a cool concept, and a bad ass character, but for people to go home feeling bored? That isn’t good at all.

With most of the Marvel movie characters that they no longer own, such as Spider-Man, Fantastic Four, X-Men, and Ghost Rider, there are contract stipulations that state they must use their movie rights or else they will go back to Marvel. From the looks at it, it looked like there wouldn’t be another Ghost Rider movie, and Marvel would actually get a character back! Hooray, even if its one they can’t use that much.

Then there was news that they wanted to do another movie anyways, regardless of how bad the first one was. A RUSHED movie. Well, no way Nick Cage could be involved. Wait what? Nick Cage signed on too?

That is pretty much the only constant between Ghost Rider and Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance, so the outcome should be different, right?

These eyes. Cry out every night. For you.

This film takes place in Romania, and yo\u do not need to see the first one to see the second. Every character is different, even kind of changed how he turned into Ghost Rider. Instead of Mephistopheles, it is Roarke (Ciarán Hinds), but still a generic Satan/Devil, just played by a different guy.

Moreau (Idris Elba), a drunken French priest is seen trying to warn a clergy that the Devil has sent men to capture a woman and a boy they are hiding, but they don’t believe him. And then they get fucked up, but thankfully the woman (Violante Placido) and the boy Danny (Fergus Riordan) get to escape, with Moreau’s help, but he loses them. So he finds out Johnny Blaze and asks for his help. He doesn’t want to, he just wants to be left alone. After all, he only hurts people anyways. But if he helps him, he is promised that they can undo his fiery curse. Sounds good.

So he catches up, right before the mercenaries lead by Ray (Johnny Whitworth) are capturing them. After killing a few he gets distracted, and wants to kill the kid sensing a great evil, but it is knocked unconscious and stopped. After escaping a hospital, he finds the woman and Moreau again, and they device a plan to find the kid and get him back. Eventually the find out the kid is actually the son of the devil, and Roarke is hoping on unlocking his full power (and those deep dark eyes!). Moreau wants to take him back to his church, lead by Methodius (Christopher Lambert) and freeing Blaze of his Rider curse.

But when everything inevitably goes wrong, can Johnny Blaze free the kid from his fate, after he has freed himself from his curse? Also, angels and spirits of justice?

Don’t even ask me about this moment.

Blahhh. Honestly, the plot doesn’t sound that bad on paper. Especially if I fully explain more of the curse, as it is figured out in the story. I am even fine with where the film ends. It just would be a much better ending for the first film, and not the second film.

He turns into Ghost Rider three times in the movie, and none of them really seem that important. The fact that in his first encounter he gets knocked out from a blast just seems silly, after what we see of him in the first encounter and first movie. The second fight is way too long, and the character does many pointless things when his goal should be to kill them all as quickly as possible. The third fight is more of the same, but with a powerful enemy to fight, who actually turns out to not be that special.

When you have a character who really can’t be stopped / killed, there is no fear for survival or suspense. Just kind of lame. Action was boring. Plot was confusing in that it made it seem like the first film never happened, despite maintaining the same main actor for the character. That is some shit. I hate ret-cons. Also lots of unexplained plot directions. Give it a pass, but the third film might be better.

Not much information existed about the film Me Again before I watched it.

Here is that IMDB synopsis:

Things don’t go as expected when a disenchanted pastor wishes for a different life.

Well, alright. Could be interesting. And what’s that? Ali Lartner is in that? Hells yeah I will watch it!

I mean, what’s the worst that could happen?

Wait a minute. Ali Landry? Fuck, I was wrong already.

So we got this pastor, David A.R. White, who is down on the slumps. Something isn’t going right with his life, he is seeming miserably and giving bad speeches. Oh whats that, he is separated with his wife, Ali Landry, and three children? She wants a divorce? Something about him never finishing anything, and his mind being absent. He is all lame. But somehow, after prayer, and a bunch of other weird stuff involving this Big Earl commercial on tv (Bruce McGill), he wakes up and finds himself in a different room.

In a different body! Somehow or another, for a week, he finds himself changing bodies with people he knows and some he doesn’t. From wealthy business owner, to starving model (Logan White), to goldfish, to baby of a couple, to boyfriend of his daughter, to his own wife! He can’t explain it, and can’t stop. The only person he is able to contact during this is his best friend, Tommy Blaze, who eventually believes him, mostly when a model actually decides to talk to him. He can’t explain it either.

And then you know, happy endings, morals learned, marriages saved, other people become better.

Also the main guy looks like a weird clone of Aaron Eckhart. So there is that.

So uh, definitely didn’t go the way I was expecting. Body changing and all. During this whole time, his actual body is doing stuff, and existing, but being the same amount of lame he used to be. It isnt explained what happens to the people when he takes over their body at all, and does its best to ignore it.

The comedy is bad, and alll of the dialogue is bad. All of it. It was cringe worthy! It was almost horrifying.

Morals are all wrapped up nicely at the end, as he fixes up his life and at least 3 of the lives he visited. But it was a pretty lame movie overall.

Wooo, action movies.

With a fantastic title like Safe House, how could it be bad?

This is a cheap trick. Dude wasn’t even the bad part of the movie.

Even though I watched this film a few hours ago, I feel like I forgot a lot of the plot. Whoops.

Well Denzel Washington! He is a bad man! He used to work for the CIA, but awhile back became an international criminal instead. Apparently sold a lot of secrets too. After getting some secret files from an MI6 agent, Liam Cunningham, he gets attacked by a mercenary, Fares Fares (what!? I am doing that thing where I just note actor names, not character names. And this guys real name is ridiculous). Blah blah blah, he ends up getting to the American Consulate in South Africa, and taken into a Safe House!

Low level CIA agent Ryan Reynolds is in charge of the Safe House, and has heard many tales of Denzel. Other operatives come in, and end up torturing him. Which sucks. But not as much as when the mercenaries from earlier break in and start killing everybody! Ryan has to escape with Denzel, both trying to keep him a prisoner, while also protecting him from getting killed. He also has a girlfriend, Nora Arnezeder, who of course knows nothing about CIA stuff.

With the “help” of agents Brendan Gleeson and Vera Farmiga, Ryan has to go temporarily on the run, until appropriate back up can be dispatched to save them. But until then he has to try and hide, while keeping a prisoner trying to escape, and watching out for deadly mercenaries. Also, of course, not everyone on the CIA is on the up and up, so trust issues are apparent, and whether or not Denzel is even a bad guy.

And then they made shadow puppets?

Summing up my thoughts can be pretty weird. Mostly because I am sure you guys know how I feel about a movie based on how I describe the plot. Probably.

Well I didn’t like Safe House. As I said in Caption 1, it is not Ryan Reynolds’ fault! It isn’t a single person’s fault in the movie either. Just the entire thing bored me. I wouldn’t describe any acting as horrible, just, whatever.

Don’t even have much more to say about it. So uhh. Yeah!

As I have pointed out before, Matthew Broderick has been in a bunch of movies the last few years, just none of them big. All smaller releases or indie pictures. Usually drama-comedies. For whatever reason, he just can’t make the big screen anymore. I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s out of apathy, and more focus being put on his broadway career.

Either way, I saw a preview for Wonderful World on some random movie, and it made me really want to see it. I looked hard for it, for like, ten minutes too! Then forgot about it. BUT HAH, I GOT IT NOW FUCKERS.

ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?

Broderick works as an editor for some publishing company. He has been working there for eight years. Most people see it as a temporary job before they do what they really want. Like his good friend Cyril (Jesse Tyler Ferguson, who you all know). “Good friend” is a stretch, more accepting of his cynicism friend is a better choice of words.

Cynicism? Yeah, Broderick isn’t a nice person in this movie. He assumes the world to be bleak, miserable place, where everyone is out to get everyone. He is divorced (shocker) and his only decent moments seem to be the times he gets to hang out with his daughter (Jodelle Ferland). He is oblivious to the fact that her life is also miserable, no friends, no skills, and gets more depressed the more she hangs out with her dad.

Speaking of stuff being shitty. His roommate Ibu (Michael Kenneth Williams, motherfucking Omar) is a diabetic, and during an attack when he tries to get Ibu to the hospital, he finds his car getting towed for an illegal park. Unable to convince the tow truck driver of the real emergency at hand, Ibu collapses in the streets and is sent to the hospital to stay. Well fuck. His sister from Africa (Sanaa Lathan) visits due to his sickness, and stays in their apartment.

Can her presence in his life change it at all, even as the world gets darker? Why is he talking to Philip Baker Hall, who is a made up guy in his head? Does the fact that he used to be a children song writer have anything to do with any of this? Will his case against the city due to towing in an emergency go unheard?

In case you guys didn’t believe me earlier that he was in this movie, here is a picture, that is somehow supposed to be proof!

I feel like I’ve talked about this movie too much already. I liked the set up and liked probably half of what happened in it. But not everything that happened. More importantly, it felt way too slow.

It also didn’t even feel real, which I think is an aspect they were going for. Broderick’s zombie like nature is present about 80% of the film, with snippets of happier times throughout and the end. It isn’t pleasant or interesting to watch. Just want to tell him to be a jerkface. It did get annoying though that almost every character complained to him about his disposition. Repeating records repeat.

I just expected better of the music man.

I was actually excited to finally see Red Tails. I was hoping it would get me out of this mediocre film slump I have been on. I mean. WAR FILMS GUYS. Think of war films. How many would you describe as epic? Probably a lot of them.

So I was ready for another epic movie, that was based on true events, and George Lucas has been trying to get this movie made since the early 90s. Good, the last film I know about that took a jillion years to make was Avatar, and although not the best movie, it was at least stupidly visually awesome.

Oh yeah. Racism. Epic War movie and racism. HOW CAN IT FAIL?

Movie takes place in 1944, where after a long training program, a group of African-American pilots are finally deployed to Europe to begin fighter pilot duties! Italy at that, which is clearly the hot bed of WWII action. Unfortunately they are given pretty old planes and only scouting missions where the enemy hasn’t been seen for months.

We enter with Colonel William Mortamus (Bryan Cranston) trying to shut the program down, calling it failed with their poor numbers. Colonel A.J. Bullard (Terrence Howard) is fighting for his team state side, noting their poor numbers is only because they don’t get any real missions.

Also he has to fight a report that they are not fit for combat at all. But eventually, with the help of Colonel Jack Tomilson (Lee Tergesen) they get a real mission! The news gets back to Major Emanuelle Stance (Cuba Gooding Jr.) who is in command while the Colonel is away, and much celebration occurs! They are to assist Allies landing in some part of Italy, where they have to fend of German air fire.

The crew is lead by Easy (Nate Parker, what the hell kind of nick name is Easy?), but the best pilot is Lightning (David Oyelowo), who also is reckless. Easy unfortunately doubts himself a lot and is prone to the drinking. We also have Junior/Ray-Gun (Tristan Wilds) and Joker (Elijah Kelley) who you can guess their tropes. There are also the less important characters of Neon (Kevin Phillips) and Smoky (Ne-Yo).

But enough about that! They are super successful in their mission, even taking out a German airfield in the process. Sure, Junior gets injured and loses the full ability of one of his eyes, but that probably wont effect him later right? Right? He probably won’t be taken as a POW by the enemy, due to Easy letting him fly so soon.

They eventually get to provide support to Bombers, and end up being the most successful escort crew in the war, killing a lot more Nayzees than Nayzees kill them.

That my friends is the face of a Flawless Victory.

But it wasn’t even flawless. Turns out this film takes a real event and fictionalizes the shit out of it. Characters, events, survivability, and also makes it seem like they never fucked up once they finally got to fight. They were still good in real life, but not so perfect. Even had people in the movie die, much to my surprise. And a love story with an Italian woman hottie!

A lot of the negative press from this movie comes from the fact that it lacked really any character growth, and everyone felt like their own little stereotype throughout the movie. And yeah, well, that was true. The only change you can note is that Easy drunk less eventually, and stopped being a little bitch. But that was barely a change in the movie either.

There is only really three missions we see them go on, and we are left believing that they cured racism and saved the war at the same time. But it didn’t feel epic at all. Plane fights are hard as hell to do, and have always been hard as hell to do. But it doesn’t help that the technology for them felt like the early 90s, when Lucas first decided to make this movie.

For a 19 year project, it sure felt rushed.

The Bucket List, if anything, did have a lot of people talking about it. Most of which I doubt who saw it. I mean, why would you need to? You know exactly what happens in this movie from the title. Two old guys, living their last months to the fullest (somehow) and then probably dying. Both probably have some sort of family problem.

You know all of that, because the movie isn’t about surprises or the best plot, just one of those heartwarming tales that might make your cry or feel good.

That’s why it has took me til now to watch it. Really no need, but hey, I had to watch it eventually. Not because of a lame joke about needing to watch it before I died, just because I owned it and needed to watch it.

Before I died. >.>

Unrelated Orange picture? Or the rage you feel right now as I babble?

Blah Blah Blah. Morgan Freeman is an old man, mechanic, pretty smart because he reads a lot. Has a wife, Beverly Todd, has faith, and has a big family. But then he gets a terminal illness. Jack Nicholson, uber rich guy gets put in his room, also with cancer. Sharing rooms?! Yes, because he was a mean hospital owner and said each room needs two beds, to maximize efficiency and make more money. So when he finally gets sick and wants his own room, his assistant, Sean Hayes, won’t let him, as it’d be a horrible PR move.

Chemo happens, it sucks. And eventually they bond. Jack see’s Morgan’s bucket list, full of ridiculous items, like being President, and tells him they should both do it. Leave his family, travel the world, money is no option, fuck the metaphors. And eventually he says sure. Skydiving, racing, Great Wall Of China, Pyramids, etc.

But how far will Morgan go to experience life to the fullest? A man who has only been with one woman, who he has left her behind to see the world? Also, will Jack be less of a dick, and visit his family for once in his life? I think you know the answer to both of them.

Chances of green screens being involved? Pretty high.

But was I entertained is the bigger question?

Ehh not really. Morgan Freeman’s character made a good argument why he should get the chance to do whatever he wants before he ends his life, which he seems to have gotten chastised for by everyone for doing it. Bitches, please. Even Freeman’s acting I thought was just okay. But Jack Nicholson had a much more powerful character to me, and thought he did a lot better.

He was also the only character we got to see keeling over in cancer pain. Correlation?

But yeah, this movie did absolutely nothing to me, and despite the fact that people will still make a lot more bucket list references for the next few years, I will never see it again.

Lower Learning is a brand new take on the corrupt and out of control high school where the students and teachers have to fight back in order to not get closed down.

And that just means it takes place in an elementary school instead.

Mad Libs is also instant entertainment.

Jason Biggs is a vice principal at an elementary school, where life sucks every day. He feels like he does nothing with his job, mostly because the principal Rob Corddry doesn’t let him. He just goes to work, has a boring day, and goes home to his boring life. But out of the blue, he sees Eva Longoria, whom he went to school with. He was nerdy back then but always had a crush on her. But she has bad news, at the end of the day the school will be closing down.

Oh noes! Well it makes sense, when you have teachers who are depressed and drinking, Monica Potter, having weird boxing style tournaments, Will Sasso, incredibly good at teaching but inappropriately talking about sex, Nat Fixon, while also going after the nurse, Jill Latiano, it all just makes sense. Others are on drugs, some refuse to teach. No fucks are given at this school, except by Biggs.

It is more weird when he finds out that no one seems to care. Tenure and shit. But something else is off, why is the principal trying so hard to get the school shut down? Secret embezzlement of millions of dollars you say? That’s strange indeed! Also Ed Helms has a small role as a board member who is way too needy.

I mean, he was losing to a GIRL.

As the plot unfolded I thought it was kind of interesting. Some of the jokes given by the teachers were pretty good as well.

But it did not unravel the way I had expected. It got a bit lamer, and lamer, until the ending was a big…ehh whatever. Worst unfurling ever.

That is pretty much the only way I can described it. Kind of interesting, yet getting more and more disappointing. High potential, low follow through. It just felt like train wreck. Assuming I knew what those felt like.

I am proud that I used unfolded unravel, and unfurled though.

I am not why I keep getting surprised every time I see another recent but unknown movie starring Jesse Eisenberg. This guy seems to be in everything released in the last four years. He is bigger than sliced bread.

But what is more surprising about The Education of Charlie Banks is that it was directed by Fred Durst. Yes, that Fred Durst.

Official Chocolate Starfish of Baseball.

This movie is set in the past! OooOooOoOo. Mostly the 80s, where everybody was fly. Except for Charlie Banks (Eisenberg), because he was lame. He was also picked on by a bully, that no good Mick (Jason Ritter). He made his and other people’s lives miserable. But Charlie got him back. After Mick had beat up two people to near death levels at a party, he had called the cops and snitched, to get him arrested. I mean, for all he knew he was a murderer!

Now Charlie is a freshman in college, living with his roommate Danny (Chris Marquette, a rich guy they all grew up with. Hell, even Danny was friends with Mick before the incident, and knows not of the snitching of his current roommate Charlie. But guess who shows up for a visit?

Mick! Of course, out of Jail. What starts as a quick visit turns into a long stay as Mick begins to wear their clothes, read their books, attend their classes, and even hit on their womens! Or at least the girl Charlie Banks was crushing on (Eva Amurri Martino). He also still has some violent tendencies, but he might be changing. Or it is all a ruse, and Charlie is freaking out because he thinks Mick knows about his ratting him out, and he is here for some long torturous revenge.

But Charlie deserves some of it. He let Mick come and sit right there during naked hot tub time.

I think this could have been a very good story, but it failed to tell it in a desirable way. The title still doesn’t really make sense. Charlie Banks really doesn’t even change much in the film. He kind of stands up to Mick at the end, but that isn’t even what he should have learned throughout it all. Moral is also not that snitching is bad. Hell, I don’t know what the lesson really was?

People can change, but also makes it seem like people can’t at the same time. This is the worst role I have seen Jesse Eisenberg play, and think he fails quite hard at it. But that Jason Ritter guy? He kicks ass in this movie. The way he plays the reformed maybe bully, either trying hard to fit in and suppress his normal urges, or some dominating personality watching to slowly torture the guy who ruined his life. Unfortunately as the only good acting performance in the movie, with a pretty messy story, leaves it with a fail.

Casino Jack is the second of “movies Kevin Spacey has been in recently that apparently no one has heard of”. Very specific theme. Only two I was doing, this and Shrink.

Oh how mysterious and …weirdly bordered he looks.

This is actually the true-ish story of Jack Abramoff, the most lobbyist lobbyist in the America.

Dude was making bank, and lobbying up a storm. People in Congress were making bank, him and his family were making bank. Evurrybody was living it up. On what? Indian Casinos. More specifically the SunCruz Casinos, that go on a cruise to “nowhere” but mostly to get into international waters.

Him and his partner Michael Scanlon (Barry Pepper) are getting rich and quick. But they make it seem like Abramoff is donating a lot more to charities, and the betterment of his love one and not “wasting it” as much. His wife (Kelly Preston) is worried about their finances, and then eventually on where they come form.

Their bigger problems start when the help of Mattress Kingpin Adam Kidan (Jon Lovitz), who unbeknownst to the rest of them, has ties with the mob and other bad people.

This eventually leads to a series of events that brings down their decline, and prosecutors having a field day with the amount of people who accepted the bribes. It was a pretty serious deal. Wiki that stuff. Yet somehow no one seems to remember it, despite its large implications. Oh and Rachelle Lefevre is in this movie. But I just forgot what her actually role was. Whoops.

Also, yelling!

Kevin Spacey has turned into the king of mediocrity? No, that’s not right. He is decent in this movie as well. But the rest? Damn, thats mediocre. Like a lot of his last few years worth of movies. I guess he just does what ever looks interesting, gives it his all, and not everyone else can be as good as him.

Maybe if he was worse the movie would seem better because everyone is acting as good as Spacey? This is some serious conspiracy Keanu stuff here.

But why do I say that? Well, parts of the movie were interesting. Parts went above my head. But parts were also pretty uninteresting. Overall just okay, again. Like Father of Invention. Oh yeah. Another recent Kevin Spacey movies.

Just saying. His movies tend to be better with a lot more known leads, like Margin Call, or Horrible Bosses, when he doesn’t have to carry the load on his back.