Tag: 1 out of 4

I watched this movie, because I allowed a vote and gave vague descriptions. Sure, I obviously was going to watch it anyways, but by golly, Street Fighter: The Legend Of Chun-Li is first!

Eh. Well, I have only seen the early 1990s Street Fighter movie a few times, but I remember it was at least somewhat enjoyable and super campy. I mean, it had JCVD and Raul Julia (one of his last movies!), great people right there.

So, I won’t compare this to the game story-line at all, because really, I don’t know it.

Shit. He is in this movie? I am sad now.

When Chun-Li (Kristin Kreuk) was a little girl, everything was just swell. She learned some sweet fighting moves from her father, Xiang (Edmund Chen) and also some piano skills. That is, until some thugs busted down the doors to her house and started wrecking shit! They steal her father, and well, that is that.

Many years later, Chun-Li is a concert pianist, living it up. Apparently she wasn’t too badly affected by the kidnapping, until she receives a mysterious scroll. Basically, it tells her to stop doing shit, and fix other shit. So she has to seek out Gen (Robin Shou) and learn how to fight better to save her father.

He was kidnapped by M. Bison (Neal McDonough)! And his gang of thugs, Balrog (Michael Clarke Duncan) and Vega (Taboo). And uhh. He is also a bad man in real life. The cops are after him, for some reason. Non street fighter characters Charlie Nash (Chris Klein) and Maya Sunee (Moon Bloodgood).

This is the closest you will get to her outfit.

Awww, fuck. It is bad. Thankfully not rage against the Earth bad. The badness just made me super super board. Street Fighter has a rich history, lots of fun characters, and this one shows like…what? Four of them? Fuck all of that. Wheres my green electric person? Wheres my actual badass Bison? Where is my stretchy arms dude, or fat Asian man? Wheres my red and white shirt Karate people? You can tell, I know a shit ton about Street Fighter.

Either way, the action in this film was boring, and the plot was even more boring. I had to battle falling asleep, even though it was still early evening.

Story and plot were rough too. No one really seemed to fit their role. Even Michael Clarke Duncan, he was way too large/slow to be some epic boxer dude.

The one good news about even attempting this movie is finding out about Street Fighter: Assassin’s Fist. Some TV show happening eventually. The poster looks super awesome. Could it help the series as much as Mortal Kombat: Legacy helped that series? Hopefully better, because nothing actually came from MK: Legacy.

Way back in July, I had to write a synopsis of the upcoming year of movies, from August to April. 2014 at that time barely had anything listed still, so it was mostly a crapshoot. Of the little that January had, I remember thinking that Ride Along had the most potential. Two actors who I tend to enjoy, a buddy cop (ish?) movie and it’s an action comedy. Buddy cop-ish, because only one of them is actually a cop in the film.

As January grew closer in closer, it was still one of the potential bright spots, because January itself is where they just tend to dump a lot of bad movies. So I hope Ride Along ends up being brilliant, or else I am just stuck relying on Zac Efron to save the month.

Relying on Zac Efron is a pretty common theme in my life.

In Ride Along, Ben Barber (Kevin Hart) is a short nobody. He is a security guard at a high school, but he really wants to be a cop someday and is trying really hard to get into the police academy. He thinks he needs to become a cop in order to finally marry his long term girlfriend, Angela (Tika Sumpter).

But really, all she wants is for him to stop being in a war with her brother, James (Ice Cube), who he might have accidentally set on fire. But hey, now that Ben has gotten accepted into the police academy, maybe James will like him and give him his blessing for marriage. Hah.

Turns out James still hates him, but he does agree to give Ben one day to try and change his mind. He will invite him on a ride along, see if he can make it on the streets, while making his life a living hell.

John Leguizamo and Bryan Callen play other cops on the street, and Bruce McGill as their Lieutenant. Oh, and Laurence Fishburne is in this movie. Yeah, Laurence Fishburne!

I decided to include no pictures of anyone actually riding along.

You know what I like most about this movie? Ice Cube said that today was a good day. I get that reference. Well done Ice Cube.

I also laughed a couple times at Kevin Hart. More so later on near the end of the movie.

But not a lot, unfortunately.

For an Action/Comedy, the action was sub par, and the comedy felt extremely sparse. It is a huge shame that I found this movie so disappointing because I really tend to at least find their work enjoyable. Maybe Ice Cube was just too much of a hard ass, trying to pretend he was a BAMF, but really being a bit meh.

The acting wasn’t too great, and unfortunately all of the twists and turns you could see coming a mile away.

If About Last Night in February doesn’t end up being impressive for Kevin Hart, I might have to rethink actually liking him. Good at stand up, bad at movies.

Stop the presses! This is a found footage horror movie. By that I mean one where all of the footage is created by various characters in the movie, not like, lost and found later. Unfortunately found footage just means hand held cam now. This is all besides the point.

This “found footage” movie, Devil’s Due, doesn’t pretend to be real. It is set in the real world like all movies, but they don’t give us some bullshit premise like based on actual events or using completely unknown actors. But I know the main three actors from this movie! Two of them from really successful TV shows, and the third from a not so successful TV show.

That also means this one might have some sort of acting talent in it, but I am not willing to assume that yet.

Sometimes your baby bump is, err…a really big bump?

Zach (Zach Gilford, from Friday Night Lights) and Samantha (Allison Miller, from Go On) are getting marrieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed.

Yay! Zach’s dad used to video tape everything growing up, recording all of his families vacations and favorite moments so that they would always have it on record. Samantha, on the other hand, doesn’t remember a lot about her past. Her parents died in a car accident when she was still in the womb, so she has been a foster kid all her life. But that doesn’t matter, because she has a family now.

Zach wants to make sure she has memories from here on now, so he decides to do that video taping thing. During the honeymoon, after a late night of being lost in Dominican Republic (because clearly the best place for a Honeymoon), they are taken to a strange underground club, drugged, and impregnated with the spawn of Satan. Yayyyy Satan!

Either way, somehow she is now pregnant despite never missing a birth control ill. Powerful sperm, right Zach? Then begin 9 months of torture, weird behavior, and people dying. Which basically seems like a normal pregnancy. Sam Anderson, from Lost, plays their main priest.

Checking Amniotic fluid? Yeah, that’s a normal pregnancy thing.

I guess I already alluded to this joke, but really, this whole movie could just be considered a metaphor for an actual pregnancy. Everything just playing in the husbands eyes all weird/wrong because he is actually crazy. That isn’t what they were going for, but it still could work.

Yes, this movie is clearly just Rosemary’s Baby done in a different way. Don’t care.

As what is typical in a film like this, the horror doesn’t appear early, it takes awhile to show up, and then builds. So they fill the first half with cheap scares and other bullshit. The number of times the dog barks suddenly in a tense moment (once when the camera just switches to a later moment out of no where) is ridiculous. The fact that there are so many cameras eventually also proves troublesome, only in that some cool scary shit starts to happen, but they still don’t show us the viewers despite the cameras. That is just mean / dumb / lazy. Not sure. Show that woman getting fucked up, damn it.

I’m done talking about the movie. It is however set in North Carolina, just not filmed there. I first thought I saw the name of a newspaper with Raleigh in the title, but it wasn’t the actual name of Raleigh’s newspaper. Then I saw an OBX magnet on their fridge, and NC license plates everywhere. So that is kind of cool. Even if they actually filmed it in Louisiana. Woo, NC horror movies?

Holy holy holy shit.

Let me let you in on a little story. In order to become a master of pop culture, I determined I had to watch every movie. Literally every single one. How else will I know all the trivia? How will I know if something truly is bad?

Originally my rules were that I would watch everything, but horror. True, I still consider myself a coward and might only half watch the screen when scary stuff is about to happen, but that ban has been lifted like, a year ish ago, just because.

But why did I have the ban in the first place? It is because I really…really…REALLY did not want to ever watch or see The Human Centipede. So when people asked me if I had seen it, I of course said no, don’t watch horror.

Now, I have nothing to hide from. So I present to you, MY 1000TH MOVIE REVIEW (Milestone Review): The Human Fucking Centipede.

What in the what what fuck?

Our story, like so many before it, takes place in modern day Germany. Land of freedom and opportunity. Just ask these two girls, Lindsay (Ashley C. Williams) and Jenny (Ashlynn Yennie). They are in the area to get their clubbing on, but one of them is pretty bad at directions so they get lost on a dirt road, with a flat tire, in the rain.

So after getting sexually harassed in God’s Language Deutsch by a fat man, they decide to go look for help instead of wait for help. Leading to a very modern looking house, with lights on, yay!

Don’t fret girls. You are going to get your tire fixed in no time!

Thankfully, the Doctor is in. Dr. Heiter (Dieter Laser), great surgeon, currently enjoying a break from work. Conducting his own research at home, for shits and giggles. But mostly shits. Heh… Heh… Heh…

Needless to say, he drugs them and after some resistance, they wake up in his state of the art basement/torture dungeon.

I mean, hey, at least its clean.

There, the girls learn their ultimate fate. Like what he did to his three dogs (who died), he wants to connect three human beings together.

Not by the hip.

Not by an arm.

Not by the neck.

No, by their entire gastric system.

Ass to mouth x2.

Why would someone want to do this? BECAUSE SCIENCE, THAT’S WHY!

Not to mention the strange contraption that will come out of it. But hey, if the science is sound, then it should work. Unless you ignore the fact that humans need vitamins and specific nutritional amounts that probably don’t exist in feces. But whatever, science and stuff.

He grabs another victim somehow, this time, Katsuro (Akihiro Kitamura), a man who only speaks Japanese, but more importantly, fits the blood type of our two girls. Yes excellent indeed.

After a close escape from Lindsay, the surgery can commence.

I hope no one ate anything before hand. That could have made this messy.

Huh, guess this is the second closest time I’ve gotten to showing “nudity” on my website. Can’t really be helped, when half the movie has two topless women in it, I guess.

The surgery is a success! But our “2 Girls 1 Jap” situation needs some getting used to. Just imagine moving your head, but not being able to, because you are attached to someone else’s ass. Alright now.

They have to be trained first. Trained to eat on command. To walk. To fetch. This creation is a new pet for one lonely Dr.

And it doesn’t need any shots!

Life as a third or middle piece is hard. You can’t talk. You can’t eat. You can only cry and moan. You bet your butt you still have your tongue. Eww.

Ewww.

Guys, guys, guys, if you haven’t gotten it yet, they totally get stuck eating only crap, and crap isn’t healthy.

House training takes forever.

Eventually, bad things start to happen. Infections mostly.

But even worse for the Doctor is when some other people show up at his door. Looking for the missing people. But also worried about what research he is doing. Good, this allows a distraction, time for the human centipede to make its escape.

But first….? STAIRS.

They make it up, but the visitors are gone, getting a search warrant. Luckily, the are still able to injure the doctor. Too bad the Japanese man still feels much dishonor, and, as per his stereotype, kills himself dead. Leaving two scared girls even more helpless and alone.

Surprise! Just one. Back girl dies of infection. Surprise two! Guys return, and the doctor kills them both as they kill him. That leaves one scared little middle piece girl, in a house of dead people, and a body full of shit.

All thanks to this man.

Well. I finally watched it.

And my thoughts? Yeah, that definitely was pretty damn gross. You know what else it was? Un-entertaining. Man, not much actually happens in the movie that is scary, just gross stuff. Gross out movies are super worse than just torture porn horrors. I don’t think anyone enjoys this stuff.

Obviously the acting was bad. This movie is going for shock factor only, and the problem with that is that once you have seen what it looks like, there isn’t much else to see. Everyone has now basically seen what it looks like before the movie. Nothing like the excellent actually scary looking cover.

So the only way to improve this is to go for something bigger.

Centipedes have 100 legs. Three people only allow for 12. Clearly, they need at least 25 people to make a real centipede. But who would have time for that. Not like they made any sequels for this and literally just want to make a longer centipede, right?

Fuck this.

Every year on the Christmas releases, there tries to be that who gives a fuck “family”-ish film. Last year it was Parental Guidance. A movie that everyone can enjoy without thinking much.

Unfortunately for this year, two movies tend to fit the family genre, with one of them clearly leagues above the other. Sure, The Secret Life Of Walter Mitty requires some thought, but all the families are going to flock to it over Grudge Match.

I mean, sure, take the guys from Raging Bull and Rocky and make them box. Sounds like a good idea, but oh man, the execution.

Why do movies have to show montages whenever a video goes viral? That shit is dumb.

Basic premise: Razor (Sylvester Stallone) and Kid (Robert De Niro) were both Pittsburgh area boxers, who used to be a big deal in the 1980s. Their first match against each other went 15 rounds, with Kid coming up on top. They battled again a few years later, when Razor knocked out Kid in only 4 rounds. Before a rematch could be made to give them the best 2 out of 3, Razor mysteriously retired from boxing, and left Kid without a chance to redeem himself.

Now, many years later, they are both hurting. Razor financially, and Kid with his ego. They agree to pose for a video game from business man Dante Slate, Jr. (Kevin Hart), but once they meet, their feelings take over and they fight it out on the spot. The video goes viral, and there becomes a demand for them to finally have their rematch, 30 years later, despite their age and condition.

Their rivalry goes deeper than just a few boxing matches, when it is found out that Kid also slept with Razor’s girlfriend at the time (Kim Basinger), knocking her up. So Razor wanted to get back at him by never giving him the chance to fight him again. The reason this matters so much is because their son, B.J. (Jon Bernthal) finally learns the identity of his real father, and wants to help Kid train to get in shape for the big game, and introduce him to his grandson.

So who is going to win? A man fighting for the love of his life and money, or the man fighting for redemption and his new family?

Alan Arkin plays Razor’s old and trusty trainer, while LL Cool J plays a very successful trainer.

The supporting cast deserve their own video, for saving this accidental disaster flick.

During the very cliche and simplistic ending, the entire theater was booing at the screen, almost in anger at how much it felt like a cop out. It didn’t give us a real ending, is how it felt. Of course, I was the only one in the theater, so I can say things like “everyone there agreed with me” and it be correct.

Let’s compare it to another recent fighting rivalry movie…Warrior! Warrior was an incredible movie, one of the best of its year, great acting, and had more than one fight to watch. Both people had reasons they needed to win, like in “Grudge Match”, but they didn’t sugar coat the ending. They fought and a winner was chosen without either side backing down or doing anything but fighting to win. It was emotional and great, and fuck, I really want to watch Warrior now.

Grudge Match went the safe and boring route, and it should be judged as such.

Alan Arkin and Kevin Hart were pretty funny at their roles, but the ending of the movie sickens me enough to not care about any of that.

Get out of here wannabe emotional fighting movie. Just, just go away.

I remember back in the day when I got Straight A’s. Then, I went to a smart residential public boarding school. There I learned that I am not always the smartest person, and learned to accept the B. Unfortunately, that lazy attitude went with me to college, and here I am today, writing movie reviews for you.

Related? Who is to say really.

If I keep it up, this might be me in a few years. And I don’t mean a well paid actor.

If I have learned anything from movies, it is that sometimes brothers compete over the same woman, and it is generally deemed acceptable. This is kind of one of those movies.

Scott (Ryan Phillippe) hasn’t been home in forever, many many years, because he has spent the last decade or so in and out of hospitals. I’m talkin’ rehab. He left home due to everyone hating him for the drugs and alcohols and having a falling out with the rest of his family.

He was dating Katherine (Anna Paquin) at the time, but she wasn’t cool with that lifestyle, even if she was in love with Scott. So she stayed behind, not willing to accept his plane ticket, and decided to get involved with his brother, William (Luke Wilson). They also had many children.

Either way, why is Scott back? Because their Mom died, and a vision of her as a ghost appeared to him, and spoke to him to make amends. Too bad his brother is out of town on a work thing most of the week, so making amends is kind of hard. He only has his ex and her children to work with. And his dad (Powers Boothe), who doesn’t appear to want to talk either. But hey, if he befriends the oldest kid (Riley Thomas Stewart), maybe that will be enough?

Perhaps the hardest adult task: watching a kid perform and trying to pay attention.

I started this a few days ago, and I will admit, I don’t remember a lot of it anymore. I remember I didn’t enjoy it.

This is another issue where the plot might have been a good idea, but the delivery was pitiful. The ending, man, the ending was horrible. All of it felt unnecessary and a bit confusing.

The cool uncle was supposed to help the kids out, and make them do fun things. He wasn’t even that cool. The things they did weren’t cool either.

The chemistry between the leads was basically missing.

I am done talking about this movie. It is dull and lame.

The reason I bought Margot At The Wedding for a dollar is because I recognized the people in it. The reason I finally watched it was because someone else chose it for me from my list of unwatched movies. But the reason I was actually looking forward to it was because of the director/writer Noah Baumbach. He is most famous for working with Wes Anderson, but I watched a film he did about his own child life called The Squid and The Whale, and absolutely loved it.

Basically, I am excited about the potential of a great drama. He also wrote/directed Frances Ha recently, so the potential is pretty dang high.

Yep, just look at all of that angst.

This film is about Margot (Nicole Kidman) at a wedding. Huzzah!

She is questionably single, and taking her only son Claude (Zane Pais) back to where she grew up for a wedding. Not just any wedding, but her sister Pauline (Jennifer Jason Leigh), who is still living in that old middle of nowhere house. Her husband, Jim (John Turturro), and her are going through some tough times, but that can’t possibly affect this wedding, can it?

Nah. But having a lover on the side in that homedown, Dick Koosman (Ciaran Hands), can. Add on a war with the very redneck-y and cruel neighbors, past family drama, and bad communication skills, and you got yourself a dramatic wedding. Especially with Jack Black as the groom.

Also starring Flora Cross as Pauline’s daughter, and Halley Feiffer as Dick’s daughter.

Totally thought her son was a girl for like, at least the first 10 minutes of the movie.

I think I would describe this movie as cruel. Cruel and vague.

Why cruel? Well, every adult character in this movie is deplorable. Every single one of them. Most of all Margot of course, but everyone has faults and they all come out to the extreme during the movie. Constant arguing and constant passive aggressive behavior. It certainly took a huge toll on my “Give a fuck” meter.

Why vague? Well, there were problems in the past, and problems now with relationships, but figuring out what happened is a big struggle. The most I can figure out is that Margot wrote a novel about her family, told the world secrets, and they got mad at her. I have no idea what is going on between her and her husband, outside of the cheating. They intentionally kept a lot of the details in the dark for too long, which made it more annoying than anything else.

I guess the acting was decent, but the story was blahhh.

It had a lot of indie tropes, my favorite of which is “camera behind character walking”. Man, indie movies love that shit. That is what most of The Wrestler was, after all.

Overall, this is just another movie you can skip. Noah is a very hit or miss writer. Better than mediocrity all your life, I guess.

Actor names can be hard to remember. In particular, Ellen Page is somehow a name that can constantly leave my memory. She is just Juno to me. Why would she dare have a different name than Juno?

I have talked before about watching a movie, thinking Ellen Page was in it, and then bam, its actually Juno Temple and I am not a smart man.

SO, when I saw Touchy Feely, really the only reason I decided to watch it as fast as I did was because Ellen Page was in it. A sort of redemption for my past dumb self. This may be one of the silliest intros I have done for a movie.

Don’t blame me, blame my very blurry hands.

As you may have guessed, this is a movie about touching. Kind of sexy, right?

Abby (Rosemarie DeWitt) is a successful massage therapist, so she touches people a lot. She believes in all that energy stuff to go with it, taught to her by her friend mentor Bronwyn (Allison Janney). She is a free, fun loving spirit.

Her brother, Paul (Josh Pais, who voiced Raphael in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles…what?!), is a dentist at a failing clinic. His daughter, Jenny (Page) is his main assistant. But he is uptight and super serious.

The good news for Paul, is after Jenny brings a friend over for a free cleaning, somehow Paul is able to heal a condition he has. Just with a regular cleaning. Word gets out about Paul and his magical touch, and suddenly business is booming, despite no guarantees that he will fix anyone.

The bad news for Abby, is that somehow she has gained an aversion to bodily contact. It suddenly sickens her for any skin on skin contact. Not only is that extremely bad for her business, but also puts a strain on her relationships with friends and lovers.

Also starring Ron Livingston and Scoot McNairy.

I am now betting they did all these hands scenes on purpose. I see you, film maker.

Touchy Feely has a decent story, but its extreme “indie-ness” kind of ruins the story for me. Indie meaning independent or low budget release, which stereotypically means the movie will move a lot slower and let the fantastic acting carry it through. This movie is incredibly slow, with a lot of silent and thought provoking scenes. Or at least, they are meant to be thought provoking.

I really like the idea of the switch of luck for these two, and the dentist part I find even more bizarre than the massage therapist part. But the rest of the movie is just blah to me.

If only I could talk more about it, but I already ran out of things to say. This movie moves far too slow, with not enough substance, for me to really care. Oh well. Another day, another movie.

Do I want to see a movie with Casey Affleck in it? Hell yes I want to see a movie with Casey Affleck in it.

Sure, I am one of the biggest Ben fanboys there are. But his brother has some acting chops. Did you see him in The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford? If you didn’t, you are missing out on a long, but really well damn acted movie.

Either way, Ain’t Them Bodies Saints is apparently a modern western of sorts. Set in the 1970s and Texas. So I will go in, expecting the best.

The best being, I dunno, a lot of gun shooting I guess. And crying.

Bob Muldoon (Casey Affleck) is a trouble makin’, no good, so-and-so. He’s an outlaw, quick on the draw. But his lady, too, is outlawish. Ruth Guthrie (Rooney Mara). But she is pregnant, and wants them to get out of the job. Alright fine.

BUT NOT BEFORE A SHOOTOUT. In a house, bullets flying, and Ruth ends up killing a police officer. That is no good. So Bob claims the entire responsibility for the crime. Killing a cop isn’t an easy fix, so Bob is given a strict and long sentence, so he could protect his lady and soon to be child.

Well, many years later, Bob is sick of prison. He has tried to escape at least five times before, but at least the sixth time is finally successful. The rest of the people involved in the escape get caught quickly, but not Bob. He is on a mission. He wants to see his child for the first time, a girl, still a child, but has grown a lot over the last few years.

But he can’t just go straight home. No, that is where the cops expect him to be. Not to mention he made a lot of enemies in his outlawin’, so others are surely out to kill him. The only reason he escaped was to see his woman and child, so really, nothing is going to stand in his way. Also starring Ben Foster and Keith Carradine.

At this point, I think it is illegal for me to not mention/show great mustaches in reviews.

Well, if I came for just acting, this film didn’t disappoint. I was more amazed how much I liked Rooney Mara in this role, more than anything. I haven’t seen her ever try to play such a passive, wait around, old timey role before. Just a loving mother trying to survive. So that was cool.

Casey Affleck, like always, felt really genuine.

But man. The story. A nice idea. But seemed filled with a lot of silly nonsense after he escaped from jail. Just go to the house already! Develop some sort of ruse! Just do it!

That’s what I was yelling at the screen. I don’t dislike it for the character choices, I dislike it for the director making those characters make those choices.

It could not keep my interest after the first 30 minutes or so, and didn’t really seem worth it when I got to the end. Sad times on this end, oh well.

Tyler Perry’s A Madea Christmas is only my second ever Tyler Perry movie, the first one being Tyler Perry’s Madea’s Witness Protection.

Well, second if you don’t include movies he has acted in (Alex Cross), movies he made without Madea (Temptation: Confessions of a Marriage Counselor), or movies he just presented (Peeples).

I do know that most of his Madea movies are released as a stage play version first and this play version came out a few years ago. At the time I worked at a Blockbuster and I was surprised to find it constantly checked out by customers. “Unfortunately” I missed out on the opportunity to see the play version first, so I will just have to go into this one blind.

Clearly I was missing out.

For the general Madea (Tyler Perry) movie plot, I think it is assumed she has a lot of relatives and close friends, so every new movie will be a story about one of her friends/family. The only constant between them is Madea’s existence, and allows for a fresh new cast each and every time.

This time, it is Madea’s friend Eileen (Anna Maria Horsford) who requests her help. She is worried about her daughter, Lacey (Tika Sumpter), who has moved to a small area in Georgia and isn’t coming home for Christmas! Oh the horror. Lacey is a teacher at the elementary school. The small town is undergoing a crisis, because they have lost a lot of their water supply to a dam upstream, and they don’t have enough money to have their Christmas Jubilee party. Oh no! Even more horror!

Lacey also ended up marrying her college sweet heart, Conner (Eric Lively), a seed scientist, which is why they moved back to his old home in Georgia. He is a white man. That is the real kicker here. And that she never told her mother about Conner’s existence. Apparently she hates white people. Conner’s parents (Larry the Cable Guy, Kathy Najimy) already knew about the marriage and are fine with it.

So the main plot deals with Marie battling her very strange case of racism. Strange in that it is all based on one tiny event a long time ago. There are other side plots, like Lacey potentially losing her job, love interests, and adult and kid bullies. It also stars JR Lemon, Alicia Witt, Chad Michael Murray, and Noah Urrea.

Larry and Perry? Maybe a match made in heaven.

This Madea movie definitely went a different direction than I was expecting. It is about a very racist black woman, who was also one of the rudest characters I’ve seen in film. She was deplorable, nothing she did seemed to make any sense. I am almost certain that she never got over her racism by the end, either. The ending also came out of no where. It included a car explosion and then the Christmas Jubilee. At the Jubilee, a small speech happened, that doesn’t change anything in the film, but they use it as a conclusion nonetheless.

The more enjoyable parts of the movie come from Madea rambling, but Larry the Cable Guy held his own against her, with their conversations being the highlight of the film. Shout out to Kathy Najimy, who has lost a lot of weight and almost looks like a completely different person.

If I had to split it up, the comedy parts of the film are decent, but the drama parts are horrible. Unfortunately, all of the conflict comes from the dramatic parts, so the main plot lines just feel boring. The movie tried to argue the true meaning of the holidays, but did such a poor job that it felt like a convoluted mess.

Oh well, maybe next year the next Madea movie will be better.