Gorgon Reviews

Mr. Popper’s Penguins, another old story/book turned movie. I can’t say I remember anything about the book, but I am sure I have read it once in my life. It was probably a ridiculous concept book, that was turned into a ridiculous concept movie. I can tell you that the comedy present in the film is not the caliber Ace Ventura stuff you used to expect from a Jim Carrey movie, because once you go “talking out of your ass”, it is hard to top that. But there are enough decent scenes involving PENGUINS for you to at least enjoy yourself.

You can top “ass talk” if you go gay, however. What?

Obviously Popper is Jim, and he plays some sort of real estate buyer. I guess he works for a company that buys properties that owe money, and then sells them for higher if they are fixed, or gets rid of the buildings for new and exciting things! When he was a kid, his dad used to go on adventured, and never had time for him. He did communicate with him over some weird crazy “radio” thing. Silly technology.

But now he is divorced with two kids! He is feeling like a distant father himself, no good. His kids don’t seem to care, the older being played by Madeline Carroll, who was also in Cafe and Flipped. While he is trying to spend time from kids, he gets a package from his dad (from his will) and inside is a penguin? What?? Shenanigans! This isn’t good. He eventually gets five more boxes, and thats where all the zany adventures start.

Angela Lansbury plays the old lady who owns the last plot of land his company needs. Clark Gregg is the zookeeper originally called to take away the penguins, but later becomes the villain. Ophelia Lovibond is Popper’s assistant, Pippi, and I only mention her because she talks with a lot of P words, very properly, and looks way too much like Lexi Belle for a kids movie.

It’d be inappropriate to show pictures of Lexi Belle here, jerks. Instead, dancing penguins!

As I said, the humor is okay. Most of it is just “awww” based, dealing with penguins in public. I would rather the penguins not be named after adjectives, and wish they didn’t do a penguin that just happens to fart all the time. Come on movie, rise above that. Also, less Sidney Crosby jerseys would have been preferable. Only one scene really bugged me, in the art gallery. In which it showed a whole lot people seemingly being fine with standing in water that suddenly appeared at their feet, and all “what the fuck!” only when penguins were coming down as well. No one likes wet shoes, people.

But yeah, the plots ridiculous, but any penguin lover will like it. It also preaches good family values overall, and doing the right thing. Well, eventually doing the right then. First there might be some bribery.

I assume most of you while growing up (if you were male at least), played some form of cowboys vs indians with your fiends. Why not? Violence is fun, and team sports are fun. Of course there is a lot of other versions of this game, Cops vs Robbers, pirates vs ninjas, terrorists vs anti-terrorists or even Texas vs Mexicans.

Cowboys & Aliens tries to take the rivalry concept a step further, by having a clearly more advanced side (instead of relatively even sides (ignoring pirates vs ninjas (go pirates) ) ). Also technically this could just be a rewording of Texas vs Mexicans, but that came out after this movie, so it isn’t thievery.

Picture: Not a fair fight.

The movie opens with Daniel Craig lying in the desert, alone, and thankfully fully clothed. Sure, he doesn’t remember anything, and he has a weird device on his arm, but at least he has clothes. Eventually he finds a town, and apparently he is a wanted outlaw. Despite still being confused, turns out he can kick an ass or too, assuming that ass is male. Because out of no where Olivia Wilde fucks him up (with a cheap shot) and he gets thrown in jail.

At the same time, far away, Harrison Ford is all upset about missing workers and dead steer. Bright lights? Sounds like bullshit to him! He goes to the town though hearing that Craig is there, and he wants to punish him himself, as he stole his gold! Conflict happens in the town, fighting over prisoners. But then! Bright lights (See above picture) and explosions! Thankfully his mysterious arm attachment can create its own booms, and they don’t get obliterated or all captured.

They make a posse to go get those aliens (try to follow their tracks), to free the hostages and you know, figure out what the hell is going on. Oh yeah, Sam Rockwell plays a doctor too, and I am pretty sure this is the only movie where he doesn’t dance.

But how was it? Visually it was good. Nice CGI, nice desert contrast to go with the explosions. Craig and Harrison both go through character transformations in the film, so by the end you like both people, so that is good. Olivia Wilde felt out of play the whole movie though. Seriously, if you looked at a picture of all the cast and her, you’d just assume she was an alien.

Or at least the nakedest one.

Plot is very straight forward, but I didn’t find it engaging enough. Sure, I would have liked better answers for some things. I believe I am told why they are there, and why they captured some humans, but that why isn’t explained at all. Just makes them seem like a nuisance. There is a lull in a lot of the action scenes with aliens, because there are other threats out there (Indian tribe, the outlaw gang) etc, but nothing between them really escalates or feels threatening, because we also know there is damn aliens out there! People won’t kill other people if they can help fight aliens, just a fact.

I thought most of the acting was bad. The realest people to me were random extra outlaw members. The story overall never grasped my full attention and care, so although I thought some parts were cool, it fell flat for me in a lot of other places.

Although The Help is based on a book, and that book is based on the authors actually experiences, politically this could just be considered another “feel good white people” movie. You know. The kind that deals with racism and stuff, but still is a story about white people dealing with racism, making it more appealing to “average movie goers”.

But if we ignore that pretty obvious thing about this movie, then just like The Blind Side, you will find a very awesome movie.

And Emma Stone playing her version of nerdy 50s girl.

The Help is about Emma Stone, recently graduated from College and wanting to be a working woman! Or at least an Author, but she doesn’t know what to write about. She does get a job at the local paper, and takes over the “cleaning advice” column, that I guess used to exist, which is crazy. She is also distraught because the “help” that raised her from baby through high school is no longer there when she returned from College, and isn’t getting a straight answer as to why.

For some reason, she thinks it will be a good idea to tell the stories of the different maids around, and make a book of it. After all, their story has never been told, and they might have some interesting ones! College has taught her to think all races are equal. College is a good thing!

Viola Davis is a middle-aged maid who has recently lost her son, but has to raise other peoples white children. Octavia Spencer is a good cook, which keeps her employed, because she also has an attitude. There is also Bryce Dallas Howard, local high society wife, who plays the movie’s major villain. At the beginning, she is trying to pass a bill requiring all “help” to use a different toilet, because different colored people have different diseases.

Oh yeah, and Allison Janney (or CJ from The West Wing) plays Emma’s mother, who holds the secret to the “missing help” and also of course hates her daughter being all educmacated.

I am sure I have said something by now that I shouldn’t have.

Although the plights of black women as hired housekeepers is probably downplayed in this movie (nothing too serious happens), it is probably good that some of their story was told. I know the “Association of Black Women Historians” finds the film to downplay it all too much, and thus not endorse it all. But hey, I say you gotta give a higher grade for effort.

I’d rather assume this movie is a fictional account of true stories from back then, and as a story it is very interesting. All the characters you can probably relate too and feel their pain. The only movie subplot that seemed force was Emma’s relationship with some male suitor, which by the end is kind of pointless anyways. The actresses in this film are all great, even the “stuck up racist bitch”.

I am sure there are probably complaints in terms of accents for this too, but that is easily ignored by me. I wish it went a little longer myself, to find out what happens with Viola Davis’ character. Similarly, Octavia Spencer’s character has a happy ending, but when actually looking at it, it still kind of sucks.

Since this movie doesn’t end with the end of segregation, you might want to follow it up with Hairspray, in case you don’t know how this historic adventure ends.

Hint: It involves desegregated dancing.

I have been avoiding “Jennifer Aniston movies” recently, for some unknown reason. Mostly because she has just been in wayyyy too many Romantic Comedies lately, helping flood the market. So I figured my first one back in awhile would be an “Adam Sandler movie” that has her in it too. Sure it’d probably still have a lot of RomCom elements, but a lot more focused on the comedy elements. A ComRom, I guess!

And plus, he is good with the kids!

Just Go With It begins with a ridiculous concept and runs with it. Adam Sandler is a skeezeball. Sure, it begins with him getting dumped (dude has a big nose, who just wanted his money). But instead he becomes a plastic surgeon, gets rid of the nose, and realizes he can wear a wedding ring, talk about how he is about to get divorced / left at the alter, and pick up chicks. One night stands for the win!

Aniston is his assistant at his clinic, and doesn’t agree with the methods. Well one night he meets Brooklyn Decker, who he really connects with, and they have sex! Yes! This time without the wedding ring though, which she finds in his pocket. Now she thinks she is a home wrecker. He quickly has to make up a story of how he is getting divorced and find a woman to play his soon to be ex wife. Guess who?

Needless to say, things get super complicated, as a trip to Hawaii ends up happening, and the kids of Aniston are involved. Similarly, somehow, Aniston’s rival, Nicole Kidman and her husband Dave Matthews are there, so she needs to pretend she has a husband as well. Also, Nick Swardson is playing her pretend boyfriend for Brooklyn’s sake.

Got all of that? A normal rule of improvisation is to never say no, negatives don’t work. You kind of just have to…go with it. So other people may put you in awkward situations, but you most play off of that. Thus the title, thus the humor. Also, Kevin Nealon is addicted to plastic surgery, and is quite scary.

Behold! No, his face. Not the other thing.

Despite the horrible plot that obviously has no chance of success at achieving his goal (you know, just dating Brooklyn Decker, for real), it was a pretty funny movie. Of course by the end Adam and Jennifer find out they really want each other, and make it so, but there is enough hilarious moments that had me “lol”ing by myself, which is good.

Well played, Jennifer Aniston. Well played.

State Of Play was originally much further on my “to watch list”, but thanks to not getting the next shipment of movies in time, it became a quick backup plan. I just assumed it would be a lame thriller, but it turned out to be a lot more interesting.

But first you have to assume that Russell Crowe is supposed to be okay with looking like a hobo.

Hobo looking Crowe is some big shot journalist. Old school methods, has some sort of integrity. But the movie opens with deaths! The first thing you see him do is get extra info from the head cop, because oh boy is he sly. Ben Affleck plays a congressman who is in charge of a committee / task force brought together to investigate PointCorp, a Blackwater like group that appears to be profiting way too much from the war, and shady tactics with mercenaries.

Turns out that besides the deaths, a woman also committed suicide in one of the three areas of the Metro in DC that isn’t covered by cameras. Of course foul play is expected, especially when she is on the same committee and a secret lover of Ben. Oh noes!

Rachel McAdams is also a new reporter, former blogger, who is assigned to the case with Crowe (before it becomes the big deal that it is). Also involved in smaller roles are Jason Bateman, Robin Wright, and Jeff Daniels.

For the movie, you will follow the journalist and police investigations of this crime, as they work together, and try and unravel who is behind everything and why are the events happening. Along th heads Crowe and McAdams different philosophies on journalism but heads, and is a central plot. A lot of ethical lines are also crossed, in order for “justice.”

Of course, you could also just completely guess what happens by the end too, and be right. I kinda did.

My guess was that Affleck wears a tie. Cha-ching!

Although interesting, a lot of it went over my head. Talk of war, politics, journalistic integrity, these are not my forte. I just like movies. I think I’d really have to watch it twice just in order to get it all. Definitely a smarter movie too. So for that…

When you look at Brother’s Justice cover, you will think “Huh, some action comedy movie with Dax Shepard? There is no way this is good.”

If you do think that, then congratulations, you agree with Jon Favreau!

Commence forming opinions based off of cover…now!

When I read the back, I thought it was even dumber, so of course I went to watch it. This is a “mockumentary” but involving real people. Dax Shepard is done with Comedy, Employee of the Month was the pinnacle of his acting and it is all downhill from there. He wants to be an action star, not an action comedy guy, just straight up action. He comes up with the movie title “Brother’s Justice” and not much else, but decides to try to pitch his idea. He gets his friend and producer Nate Tuck to go along with him, 75%/25% split, to get this movie and idea made.

So, I think msot of the actors in the movie are in on the joke. Bradley Cooper and David Koechner definitely are. Tom Arnold super definitely. But I think Favreau, Ashton Kutcher, Carson Daly, Teen Choice awards are the only real people who weren’t in on it. (Famous wise that is).

A few of the interactions were definitely hilarious. The first Arnold scene, the Kutcher home invasion. But most of it just fell flat. The viewer doesn’t understand the purpose of it that much, and also won’t find any of it real. It seemed a bit too long too. At 80~ minutes. There were fake trailers in it as well, of past failed projects, but they all pretty much were “mehh”.

Jeung Guns behind the scenes.

Although it contained interesting elements, it mostly just felt like filler, or some sort of TV show. No one is going to watch this and call it the best film ever. I also think it has 0% favoritism on Rotten Tomatoes, but who cares about those guys, right?

Get Low? Alright I will get it over with.

No more references to that!

Get Low stars Robert Duvall as an old hermit man Felix Bush, living outside of a town in the 1930s or so. A simpler time. Why does he keep to himself? No one is for sure, but every once in awhile he does go into town, much to the ire of the towns folk. For some reason, he heads to the local funeral home, run by salesman Bill Murray and his new partner Lucas Black (the kid from Sling Blade!) to set up his own funeral. He has everything already ready for it though, except for the “funeral party”.

Funeral Party? What? He wants to hold a gathering of people just telling stories about him for his funeral, but while he is still alive. Very weird concept, but Bill Murray needs money and will sell anything. So flyers are put up to invite folks, radio interviews, haircuts, new suits, etc.

Also, Felix agrees to sell raffle tickets, $5 a pop, and the winner (announced when he actually dies) will win his home and land, which is quite a large amount.

At first it appears as if the funeral home is trying to rip off Felix, but throughout the movie you are unsure of who is ripping who off.

The event gets canceled a few times, and changed a lot. We find out that he doesn’t just want random stories, he wants his story told. Why he has been living by himself the last forty years, and an admission of his sins. Also included in the cast are Sissy Spacek, as a past friend (maybe former lover?) and Bill Cobbs, as the Reverend from where he used to live.

This is also a good film to reflect on with the end of “No Shave November”.

By the end of the film, don’t worry, you will find out the answers to why he is doing the funeral party, why he is a hermit, and what he did in the past. To be fair, those are all kind of the same answer.

The acting in this film is way too good. I am a well noted Bill Murray hater (unless he is in cameos). I banked my getting into college on it. But even he did a good job (but since he was kind of a crook, it was easy I bet). The ending is of course sad too, and when you realize everything that Felix went through in his (fictional) life, you will just want to hug that old man.

The music and designs/costuming were pretty top notch as well. Despite the slow start of the movie, if you pay attention, you will be hooked early on and find yourself on a decent ride.

I am starting to think that Nick Cage puts out about thirty movies a year. Dude is in everything. All of which seem to have a lot of CGI elements too. Intersting Cage, Interesting indeed.

Maybe he knows something? Or maybe he just likes money. Either way, I don’t think he cares about the plots anymore. Kinda like Samuel L Jackson. People just give him money to yell and demean other humans, pretty awesome lifestyle. Just not as CGI’d up as Nick Cage movies.

Except for the Sorcerer’s Apprentice, that was all real magic.

Fifty years before the majority of events in Knowing take place, it stats with a school full of young impressionable (white) kids. They are doing a time capsule! Some girl wins the contest to decide what they do, and she says pictures of what the future looks like. But she doesn’t do pictures. She writes a whole bunch of numbers and that is it. Doesn’t get to finish her numbers, just most of the way!

NOW ITS THE FUTURE. Nick Cage’s son, smart Chandler Canterbury, ends up getting that letter and is confused. But he thinks they mean something. Thanks to an accident, Cage also thinks the numbers mean something. He accidentally sees 0911012819, which is a date and number of people killed in 9/11 attacks. He thinks this is odd, but tries some more numbers and they all match up! Sure there are random numbers in between that he doesn’t understand, but this shit is scary.

But after the next thing that it predicted comes true too, and he figures out what the in between numbers are, he flips a shit and tries to stop the next few “disasters”. He also meets Rose Byrne, daughter of the crazy chick, who also has a daughter.

Then you know, other stuff happens. The end of the world. Men in suits. Disasters. People Panicking. The missing numbers. Etc.

The first half of the movie was more interesting than I thought it would be. I was like “Oh man, this shit is crazy!”. And I was having a good time. The last hour, however, took away all of it. After the wicked cool train scene, it went downhill, both in terms of plot and caring. Rose was a pretty bad actress in this movie. Her irrational fears got annoying, and I didn’t believe any of her actions.

I also think for the ending they tried to see how long they could make it last. The last 25-30 minutes would be the slowest ending ever, if NBA games and LOTR3 didn’t already exist.

“Okay, hold it in. Can’t pee now. No way this movie has another five minutes in it…” – Doomed watcher.

Besides feeling drawn out, I personally hated the explanations given for all the events, and the results of those explanations. The final “field” picture just didn’t look good to end the film. Once you also find out that this “renown” astrophysicist professor’s dad was a priest, you can also guess where one of the final plot points will go. Blah. If you want to be built up for something awesome, then sorely disappointed, then this movie is for you.

To continuing with my current “White theme” and “Irish theme“, I am now going to join both worlds. White Irish Drinkers. Mind blown, huh?

Besides, they already made White Russian Drinkers.

White Irish Drinkers is about two brothers, Nick Thurston and Geoffrey Wigdor (or Brian and Danny Leary). Danny is the older one, and a punk. But he is also abused! His dad, another Irish drinker, spends a lot of his paycheck on alcohol, and takes his anger out on Danny, not Brian.

Brian is a nicer kid, but he also only gets beaten up from his brother. Surprise! He is also a good artist. But he keeps it a secret from his parents, he doesn’t want to be called names or anything. This is the 70s! He should be working in the mill (or something) in Brooklyn. Whatever they have there.

The dad is Stephen Lang, from Avatar/Terra Nova. The mom is played by Karen Allen, and Leslie Murphy the love interest thing.

What is going on in Brooklyn? Brian works at a theater, and it turns out the ROLLING STONES are going to stop in to play a small concert. The owner of the theater knows the manager, and as a favor they are willing to make a stop. But, they can only advertise the day of, no advanced ticket sales, and what not. So in preparation, you know what is going to happen? The brothers are going to steal all that money, run away from home, and start a new life abuse free. What could go wrong (besides morality)?

Moustache-tic!

The movie was slow at parts, but all of it was building up for the final 20-30 minutes. I can say I did not expect the ending at all, and found myself agreeing with a lot of the characters. Well played indeed. The final final scene was a nice act of redemption, possibly unnecessary, but hey, everyone watching wanted it. Okay movie, definitely helps if you too are drinking during it. Get into that city living Irish stereotype mindset.

Ugh.

Ughh.

Alright, from the description of the movie it made it seem like White Lion would be about a boy from a local village. The village wants to protect a local white lion from harm and pachers, as a white lion is rarer and more valuable. So this kid protects him / follows him living on the plains to ensure good health to the village, or something. THen eventually there are poachers and he has to stop them to protect the lion.

But that isn’t really what it is about.

This movie is a fake documentary…kinda. It is definitely 85% like a documentary, with an “authentic African” telling the tale. But he is also telling the tale to a group of kids and goes back to them frequently in the movie, interrupting the story. It is also fake. It is obvious when watching this movie they made the story, then went out to film it using their own lions in the wild. A normal documentary that would add a story to narration based on the events that occurred while filming, not create events (such as a “threatening fire” or being left from the pride, etc).

And it really bugged me. Normally with documentaries they are allowed to move at a lot slower pace. Just showing scenes of the lion growing up and music should be good enough. Every once in awhile narration, and that is all. But this took that same format, for fictional events. I don’t get the same feeling knowing that this, because it just feels like lazy story telling. This version is way different than the plot, because we expect a lot of human interaction with the animals, and don’t have to worry about the possibility of a boring area. Because we know its fiction, we assume it will be filmed like a normal movie.

Maybe I am the only one who would complain about something like this, but it just feels like both a forced and half-ass job movie. African Cats seems like a better movie because it adds a story to real great footage of cats in the wild. This is just real footage of trained cats in the wild, pretending to be a natural story. Sure it has its morals in line, like certain kinds of hunting being bad, but that is it.

Sometimes the narrator spoke for the few humans in the movie, sometimes they spoke themselves. That was off.

And it just seemed really really long, in the bad way.

The lack of realness is also distracting. I was too busy thinking “there is no way this is real” based off the things the lions did and the way they interacted with the few humans. Just. Ugh.

I don’t even know what is going on here.