Gorgon Reviews

Here is a strange fact I learned about What Maisie Knew. Normally, when I find out it is a movie adaption of a book, I don’t give a shit. What movie wasn’t a book first, honestly? Just straight to movie is a rare, rare concept.

However, the book version, also called What Maisie Knew, came out in 1887. Holy poop pants! Sure there are modern movies being made off of old properties all the time, and updated for our technologically infused eyes, like random Shakespeare plays or whatever. But this feels incredibly different. The subject matter of the book is about divorced and its affect on the daughter in the household.

That is a really specific topic to be talking about over a hundred years ago, six years before we invented flight. If the book is anything like the movie, I will just be impressed at the level of thought that went into such a tale. Yes, I do think people in the 1800’s were generally stupid. They don’t care that I think that, because they are dead, yo.

Just like how everyone in this picture will be dead at some point. Err…

The story begins with Susanna (Julianne Moore) and Beale (Steve Coogan) having a bad time. They argue a lot. They are getting divorced. She is a rock and roll singer/performer, who travels a lot, and he is a British art dealer. The other thing they share in common is that they are not the main characters of this story.

Maisie (Onata Aprile) is! The young daughter of the couple, she has to now experience a divorce where neither side is really nice to their former lover. The story is in reference to what Maisie sees during the divorce, the pivotal moments of it all, that I guess adults assume she won’t understand. But she does.

Both of her parents find new lovers, Susanna finding a much younger Lincoln (Alexander Skarsgard) and Beale has found Margo (Joanna Vanderham). Thankfully, both of these people are at least super nice, so that should make the transition to living in two homes easier right? Eh…

Hey, Maisie. Neither of those people are your natural parents. That’s awkward.

Movies with divorce and broken families in them are always a bit uncomfortable or awkward. The drama between them sometimes feels too real. It is even worse when an entire film is based around a divorce, and not just a minor plot point in the greater story.

We get to see parents talking to their daughter badly about their other parents. Custody battles awkwardly taking place outside of court, and in schools and homes. Constant disagreements amongst the parenting agreement, as to who can pick up who, when pickups have to occur, etc. Learning to trust new people in her life, which I guess comes relatively easier to her. The step parents awkwardly in the background, trying to help their new spouses with these difficult fights, but you know, not knowing how to.

It was just all very real, and I can say the ending shocked me a bit. At times I felt the movie moved a bit too slow, but overall, a wonderful film that really puts the ma back in drama.

3 out of 4.

Honestly, when I first saw the trailer for Prisoners, I wasn’t really impressed. It didn’t look like it was going to offer anything new. Sure, a torture scene. But despite the high star count, it just looked like it would be a lot of people yelling at each other, and then eventually somehow a crime gets solved.

Yeah. I was wrong. It is wonderful and unique. Fuck trailers, seriously.

He probably deserves everything that happens to him. He wears GLASSES, the nerd.

Ah, Thanksgiving. A time for eating food and watching the Lions lose a football game. A whole week of buying electronics cheaply on Amazon.

Well, the Dover family (Hugh Jackman, Maria Bello) and their two kids have decided to eat at their neighbors house down the street. The Birches (Terrence Howard, Viola Davis) also have two kids, of similar ages to the other kids.

Well, due to some confusion, the two youngest daughters are able to go back to the Dover home on their own…and then not seen again hours later. Shit. Fuck. Missing kids. That is never good. In fact, they think the kids were abducted. They were seen playing around an RV earlier, and the brother is pretty sure someone was inside. But when they find the RV later, the driver is Alex (Paul Dano), an IQ of a ten year old with no physical evidence of the kids in his vehicle.

Well, Detective Loki (Jake Gyllenhaal) is on the case, and he has never left a case unsolved. He just doesn’t have a lot to work with, with Alex being clean, and his mother (Melissa Leo) explaining his circumstances. No, there is a lot more at work than what we know. It just takes piecing a lot of different puzzle pieces together.

But time is of the essence, and when your daughter’s life is at stake, what would you be willing to do to save her?

“Hey you should just show pictures of people being rough with Paul Dano.” Okay!

Well, here is something I realized. Unfortunately, it is only for the male stars. I really love these guys. For three of the four male stars, their last movie on my website was given a 4/4. The only one who doesn’t match this criteria is Hugh Jackman, because I had to sit through The Wolverine and Movie 43, but he still had Les Miserables right before that. My last movie for Jake was End of Watch, for Howard it was The Butler and Dead Man Down, and Paul Dano it was Ruby Sparks.

Looks like these men get another highly rated movie to their resumes. No offense to the ladies, but they have been in a lot more crap recently. Oh well.

So yeah, this movie was incredible. I thought it would be a joke from the trailer, honestly. It looked overly melodramatic. When I found out it was 2.5 hours long, I groaned. How could they fill it with 2.5 hours of content?

Apparently it was really easy, because the time flew by and I was captivated the entire time. They don’t waste time either. The girls get kidnapped within the first ten minutes of the film. The torture scene alluded to in the trailer happens within the first hour as well. Yet somehow, there is more to it than those few events.

The director does NOT hold your hand throughout the film. There are some plot lines you have to figure out on your own, through flashes of story and connecting the dots. It is a great film to go with others just to make sure you can figure out all of the looser ends. The ending itself is a bit controversial. I will admit initially I was kind of pissed off, but it has grown on me, and now I like it a lot.

The acting is fantastic in this film. Hugh Jackman and Jake Gyllenhaal carry it on their backs with exceptional performances, but even though Terrence Howard had a smaller role, he worked it well. One scene in particular, the fists and hammer torture scene just was so powerful, it will stay with you for some time. Howard was in the background of that scene, but his face says it all. Paul Dano also was pretty great in a role where he wasn’t given a lot to work with dialogue wise.

The women were for sure underused, so I am just not sure if the writer knew what to do with them. Viola Davis had one pretty intense scene, but then wasn’t really talked about much. Maria Bello’s character was pathetic and on drugs, so she wasn’t given much to work with either.

Oh well. Go see Prisoners. Probably the best movie to come out this month for sure.

4 out of 4.

Originally, I planned to release my review of The Canyons alongside my review of Lovelace, but traveling and conferences got in the way.

Seriously. It would have been a double review.

Why them together? Well, Lovelace is a story of a porn star played by a regular actress.

The Canyons is a “regular story” being lead by a porn star.

In one of those films, there is a different type of smoking. Pole smoking. Okay, both films have that.

Christian (James Deen) is a movie producer, living in LA. He has some trust fund money, so he is living large, doing coke, and having wild sex parties. He also funds shitty movies. Sometimes he makes his own. Of course when I say he makes his own, I mean adult based film. Bow chicka, good sirs.

Well, he is currently dating Tara (Lindsay Lohan), someone else who is now related to the film industry, thanks to Christian. He likes her a lot too, more than any other skank he has slept with. He also likes that she likes to swing with him and other couples as part of his strange video film. She likes him too. Just not as much as she likes Ryan (Nolan Gerard Funk).

Tara might have been seeing him for years in secret, and now she was able to get Ryan a job on an upcoming movie Christian is funding. Probably a good idea.

Just kidding, that just makes Christian rage. Like, a lot. He gets jealous, thinking she is cheating (which she is, but so is he). Like really jealous. Like, someone might die jealous. On snap.

Also Amanda Brooks and Tenille Houston are in here. One is a lying ex, the other works on films. Take your guesses!

In situations like this in real life, I’d wonder who is happier: the porn star having sex with an actor/actress, or the actor/actress having sex with a porn star.

In case you missed it, James Deen is the porn star. One of the biggest male ones of the day, he has recently starred in DP My Wife With Me 2, Don’t Tell My Husband 3, Anal Buffet 8, Jack Attack, and James Deen Loves Butts. Yeah, pretty big deal.

Lindsay Lohan, not a porn star, just a crackhead, and she is very naked in this film. Lots of people get naked, and you can see dicks too. Overall, this film is definitely not worth if just to see this woman naked. Just google that shit, weirdo.

This is a film that decides it wants to make it as uninteresting as possible, despite the huge naked sex factor. I had to tag this film as “Erotic Thriller”, which might be a first. The acting isn’t necessarily bad, just non important. There are no real plot twists or turns at all. The only thriller aspect comes near the end, when James Deen does bad things to people, and then we end shortly after.

His character is fucked up, and we got a fucking lame movie. That is all.

0 out of 4.

Sometimes, titles tell the entire story.

Other times, they tell you jack shit. Seriously. The East? I am a fan of cardinal directions as much as the next guy, but the title should try to grab in viewers. It should be special.

I feel like I know nothing going into this film! Oh wait, that is completely true. Sexy. I love blank slates. I just hope I don’t get it confused with The West.

Shit, that joke was so weak, it brought one of our main characters to drinking.

Eco-terrorism often gets frowned upon…and rightfully so. Fuck terrorism in general, but I kind of super hate eco-terrorism. Eco-terrorism punishes humans for crimes against the environment or animals, which is never never okay. Seriously. Humans are far more important than both of those things, so I really hate it. Fuck PETA, fuck Whale Wars, fuck all of that stuff.

Hmm, I hope I am not biased.

The East is an secret Eco-Terrorist group that may be a complete fiction. The film starts with a few of their members throwing mass quantities of crude oil into a rich guys AC unit, probably ruining his house. He also was responsible for an oil spill and didn’t really try to get his company to clean it up. That is more acceptable I guess.

Sarah (Brit Marling) gets a job at the start of the film in a company lead by Sharon (Patricia Clarkson). Long story short, she is to find and infiltrate The East movement. They are a security company, and they want to prevent future attacks on their customers, while also proving that they have the best intelligence unit.

Guess what, she does it! Yay. Being smart is awesome. She is able to find their small mountain society, with a very free spirit loving culture. It is lead by no one, technically, but we all know it is lead by Benji (Alexander Skarsgard), because he is charismatic and has a beard. Other high members include Izzy (Ellen Page), Luca (Shiloh Fernandez) and Doc (Toby Kebbell), a doctor. Nice name, doctor.

As Sarah tries to work to destroy the society from within, she must first become one with their ways and ideals. Like every spy cult movie before it, she might have some difficulty keeping her own priorities straight and not getting lost in the message.

Kumbaya at 8, bottle spinning at 830, and sleep by 9! Hooray.

Yeah, I know I came in a bit biased, hating eco-terrorist groups, but really, I don’t think that affected my thoughts on this movie.

They don’t do too many acts in the actual film, because they don’t want the new girl knowing too much right away. Pretty smart, given the circumstances. The reason my biases shouldn’t matter is that the only two or so acts that they do in this film are all pretty reasonable. They are both related to punishing people for hurting other people, a noble endeavor. They both also prove a point in a way that makes sense. Again, I am fine with what the group did.

The acting itself is decent overall, but not anything I haven’t seen before.

I, however, hated the ending of this movie. It was a mess. I can say I didn’t see it coming, but eh, a shocking ending doesn’t mean it is any good. I say it was a mess, because there was so many ways it could have gone, that when it finally decided on a path, it then immediately ended and I was just left wondering why? Why is that the best actions to take? To me, it didn’t make a whole lot of sense, so I almost felt like I wasted two hours getting to that point.

Again, decent acting, I especially liked the Ellen Page “lake side” scene. That sounds pervy, but really it was for the good acting. Just it had a plot that I was unable to ever really get attached to, with a poor ending.

2 out of 4.

Disconnect was one of the many films to come out in the spring of 2013 to theaters, but never to my area. It is such a shame, really. However, this one was never given an advance V.O.D. treatment either, so I didn’t have it on the backburner for months stewing either. Nope, this review is coming out the first week I could literally get my hands on it. Boo yah.

I also literally got wet during this scene.

Technology. I love it. Some other people love it. Some people avoid it at all costs.

In today’s world, we are all really connected in some way or another. Social media has made connecting with someone incredibly easy, expanding social circles to sizes never before seen, even if they are structurally weaker than before.

This is all gibberish now. Disconnect tells three or so stories about technology, the dangers of too much information, and how the littlest thing can affect another human being without realizing it. How people looking for human contact might find themselves too hooked up to really meet they’re goal.

We have Kyle (Max Thieriot), an internet webcam model, potentially part of a large child smuggling operation, and the news reporter (Andrea Riseborough) who wants to bring light to his situation and rise further in her own work place.

We have Jason (Colin Ford), who with his friends, like to make practical jokes. They target another guy in they’re grade, Ben (Jonah Bobo), because he looked at them weird. What transpires eventually brings their families together in ways they would have never imagined, or liked in the first place. Jason Bateman and Hope Davis play Ben’s parents, and Haley Ramm his older sister, while Frank Grillo plays Jason’s dad, a detective.

Finally, we have Cindy (Paula Patton) and Derek Hull (Alexander Skarsgard). They lost their baby boy about a year ago, and they have been grieving ever sense. Cindy has turned to an online grief group, because her husband has become incredibly distant, while Derek has turned to online gambling. But when their identity gets stolen in the process by one of the sides, they have to finally work together and learn a lot about their other half. Michael Nyqvist pops up here, as the identity taker in question.

This is Jason Bateman discovering Rule 34.

You can probably guess a lot of the ways these plot lines unfold, from my brief descriptions. That is what I thought too. And sure, the obvious stuff does happen. But I was constantly surprised with where they took this movie, from conflict to conflict. With how they connected their various stories. With the range of emotions displayed by everyone in the cast, there will be someone you can relate too.

Shit, I was surprised that the “random sister role” by Haley Ramm ended up being really good as well. Her major scenes came completely out of nowhere, and she kicked ass with very little to work with.

All of the plot lines are not equally powerful. The webcam one is clearly the worse of the three. I think they spend less time with it as well. Early on I liked it, but I think it was a bit more dragged out than the other stories. Despite that, the “climactic ending”, which had very well done cinematography, brought out the best of every plot line. Yes, even the weakest one. Well done, making me care and all.

This is definitely a movie that will stay with you for some quite some time, so when you watch it, I suggest you put full effort into watching it. A lot of “text” appears on the screen throughout, because internet yo, so you will have to pay attention. The movie may feel a bit preachy, but even this guy here, who loves all of this technology shit, could still enjoy the hell out of it.

4 out of 4.

Fuck, another movie that I had for months, and waited for the DVD release, like a noob.

It is a shame, when HBO released Behind The Candelabra, I heard nothing but good things. I mean, it is a biography about Liberace! Not that I know really anything about him, as he died before I existed. I just knew he was a flamboyant man, and was part of a joke in Austin Powers. So the good news, I am going to learn a lot about a famous person, and get that much closer to being a master of pop culture.

Good, I have at least one potential benefit.

Alternatively, this might just be two hours of butt sex.

The movie begins in 1977, where Liberace (Michael Douglas) is already world famous and the biggest act in Las Vegas. What did he do? He entertained, in almost every fashion. He was great at piano, could tell a story, and was very flamboyant/extravagant. But oh no, he wasn’t gay, never say that. He would sue you. [Plot twist, later in real life, it was found out to be true.]

This is kind of about that story. But also the story of Scott Thorson (Matt Damon). Who is he? Well in 1977, he was only 17, an animal trainer, and wanted to be a vet. He was a bisexual man who happened to see Liberace in Vegas and get to meet with him backstage. Liberace liked him. He hired him to be an assistant.

Assistant apparently means young supple boy lover!

Aw yeah true love.

Unfortunately, this story is about the last ten years of Liberace’s life, so really, I don’t want to say too more, minus the obvious ending. It was great to see Rob Lowe in a small role as a plastic surgeon, and Dan Aykroyd did not look like Dan Aykroyd, he looked like a younger Elliott Gould.

Sex, a hidden lifestyle, AIDS, jealousy, plastic surgery, dollar dollar bills, drug addiction, and traveling the world. What a crazy last ten years or a man to live.

Oh yeah, Rob Lowe didn’t look like Rob Lowe either.

Man, Liberace is really good with his fingers. I mean for piano reasons. Big talent. Huge ego. No, I don’t know what I am doing right now.

A man with such a big personality you would think lives an interesting life. Well, fuck yes he does. A lot of cool and bizarre shit. If the movie is true. It is based on the autobiography of Scott Thorson, after Liberace died. Why? Because Liberace fucking had a clause with everyone that made it so if they ever said he was gay, he could sue them, and would claim it is a lie. Even going so far to release his own biography, making up fake women loves of his life, just to appeal to the masses.

It is a strange an interesting story, one that felt like it left a lot out unfortunately. My biggest complaint. A lot is missing, it goes a bit fast, makes big jumps.

But you know what was the most amazing aspect? The acting by Michael Douglas and Matt Damon in this movie. Douglas was so into that character, I believed completely that he was Liberace. It was really fucking outstanding, and something I haven’t seen from Douglas in some time. Matt Damon still looked a little bit like Matt Damon, but he too really embraced this role, holding nothing back. I mean it. Nothing. Held. Back.

He didn’t pull a 1993 Will Smith in Six Degrees of Separation. Sorry, maybe one other person will get that reference.

These two were really fucking great at their roles. You should watch it for that reason. I just hoped there was a lot more biography in the film is all.

3 out of 4.

I was really excited for The Family, I really was. Luc Beeson, who gave us Leon: The Professional and The Fifth Element, was directing this movie, and Martin Scorsese was the executive producer. If anyone knows mob movies, it is Scorsese.

An all star cast, the only person really missing from it was Ray Liotta. What could go wrong?

Nothing could go wrong with his beard, that is for sure. Well, a lot could, apparently.

The Family starts off with the family moving to the wonderful land of Normandy, France. Why? Well, Giovanni Manzoni (Robert De Niro) used to live in NYC, working high up in the mob. But he is a snitch, and as we know, snitches dig ditches…unless they can’t be found. To reward his snitchiness, the FBI (Tommy Lee Jones) has rewarded him with witness protection for the rest of their lives. After all, if they let snitches die, then people won’t snitch, and they won’t arrest the bad guys. That would be sad.

Too bad Giovanni keeps causing too much of a scene wherever they go, so they have to keep finding new places across France to live.

Normandy, famous for getting invaded by the good guys in World War II, is now getting invaded by the “Blake” family. His wife, “Maggie” (Michelle Pfeiffer), daughter, “Belle” (Dianna Agron), and son, “Warren” (John D’Leo).

Of course, with a new town, comes new backgrounds. Hopefully Giovanni’s idea to become a writer, working on his actual memoirs, doesn’t come to bite him or his family in the ass.

Also featuring Jon Freda as the main hit man after the family, and Vincent Pastore as a mobster. Classic Vincent.

Tommy Lee Jones doesn’t smile. Tommy Lee Jones is not amused. The good news is that Ray Liotta is totally in this movie. For about a second, just his voice, and technically a cameo, but darn it, I am counting it.

The premise of the film is simple enough. Quirky characters trying to assimilate into a quiet community, but they’re not trying too hard. Each character has a unique plot line, however only two of them are really fleshed out, De Niro and Agron.

Pfeiffer’s side plot (getting involved with a church) has the fewest scenes actually associated with it, and D’Leo’s sideplot seems to be missing important steps. He goes from getting in trouble at school one moment to running away the next without a real explanation. Agron’s sideplot involved falling in love with her math tutor, and unfortunately, the love or the repercussions of that love all felt fake.

Strangely enough, the only person I really enjoyed in this movie was Tommy Lee Jones. His character wasn’t in large portions of the film, and he was incredibly sarcastic, but somehow it all worked.

But in all honesty, for an action comedy, I barely laughed, and the action was pitiful. De Niro was charming at least. The film climaxed with a sudden blood bath, and then just sort of ended. No real conclusion and an unsure amount of character growth.

Basically, an overall waste of talent and my time. That is when I realized that The Fifth Element was 16 years ago, and Beeson hasn’t done too well since then. Clearly the man has lost his touch.

 

1 out of 4.

Uh oh. This is the second movie I have reviewed with the name Aftershock. The first one, Aftershock, was an amazing Chinese drama film from 2010, over two hours long, on netflix, fantasticles. I could not say enough good things about it.

This one? Well, it was made 2 years later, and is a disaster/horror film, written by Eli Roth. You know, the Bear Jew on Inglourious Basterds. I mean, technically this one is foreign too, kind of. So maybe it will be just as good?

Maybe, just maybe, this one will make me cry?

Hooray, parties!

Apparently Chileans really love to party. That is why Gringo (Eli Roth) is hanging out with his two “Friends”. I actually don’t know why he knows them, but he came down from California to visit and live it up. Maybe even get laid. Ariel (Ariel Levy) and Pollo (Nicolas Martinez) are is guides around town. The only thing I really know about them is that Pollo is disgustingly rich, and has a famous dad, who is also rich yo. So they get all of the hookups.

Later, they are at a literal underground nightclub. Seriously underground, with all of the cool kids. There they meet up with some chicks they talked to earlier, some of which are siblings, models, and friends. Monica (Andrea Osvart), Irina (Natasha Yarovenko) and Kylie (Lorenza Izzo).

They try to split them up for hooking up, but drama blah, OH FUCK BIG ASS EARTHQUAKE. Shit starts falling everywhere, people dying under the rock, and lots of people getting trampled. Ariel is such a good guy, he helps a girl escape from the bar, but loses his hand in the process. His mother fucking hand!

It turns out, getting out of the club into the open isn’t actually too hard. Surviving on top, however. Shit. Looting, turned over buildings, transportation all but gone, no phone service, and the aftershocks which knock down even more shit. Is that a tsunami warning? You bet your ass it is! What is that? The prison in the area had its walls knocked down, so prisoners are running around town, killing and raping things? Shit. That is bad.

Good luck random group of unlikable people! Watch your holes.

Beard guys is the rich guy. He literally has everything going for him.

What can you say really about a disaster horror movie? Well, the only thing you can really hope for, is that it is entertaining enough, and people die in creative ways.

And boy do they!

So many people die, a variety of ways. Crashing infrastructure, fire, bullets, axe to the back, falling from long distances, and of course drowning and pounding.

I felt dirty writing that sentence.

Needless to say, the acting is kind of shit, and it takes maybe too long for the earthquake to occur, but once it does, it is kind of entertaining. Also pretty gross and graphic I am surprised how far they went. They made tons of allusions at the beginning of the film, and by golly, did they deliver them later.

So it gave me what I can hoped for. I wish the jokes they attempted worked out better. Maybe less subtitles too, but I am just lazy. It was decent for what it was going for, and entertaining just a tad bit. But I do work on earthquakes for my job, so maybe I just find the subject appealing.

2 out of 4.

Fuck.

Sorry, didn’t mean to alarm you. But I should note that now that I don’t write reviews for every theatrical movie release, I can now post some of them quicker and with less edits. Yay multiple reviews for the newspaper! So I threw in a fuck, because I don’t have to self censor myself for this review. I just type endlessly about random shit, because it really doesn’t matter when it just on this website. Quality be damned!

See, I haven’t even said the movie title yet, 85 words in. I am such a shithead.

There is no need to be upset.

Insidious: Chapter 2 takes place immediately after Insidious. So, spoilers, yo.

Well, Elise (Lin Shaye) is dead and strangled, but by who? A ghost? Preposterous! I bet it was Josh (Patrick Wilson) back from Astral Projection, so do the cops, minus the astral part. His wife, Renai (Rose Byrne) isn’t sure what to think, but she is happy to have her child (Ty Simpkins) back.

Either way, they decide to go live with Lorraine (Barbara Hershey), Josh’s mom, after the incident. Different house, same shit.

It is almost as if the evil demon spirits are attaching themselves to a person and not the house like we learned in the first film. Hmmm.

Because Elise had to go and die on us, we are introduced to Carl (Steve Coulter), Elise’s assistant from way back when Josh was a kid. Leigh Whannell and Angus Sampson still exist too, as the younger, yet also technically formerly assistants of Elise.

Insidious: Chapter 2 delves deeper into astral projecting. But also, shaky cams, possessions, abandoned creepy hospitals, and more back story than you knew was necessary. PLOT PLOT PLOT. Imagine those plot words came at you with a loud shrieking noise, like the title INSIDIOUS did in the first movie twice…and in this movie…twice as well.

A lot of similarities between part 1 and 2, is all I am sayin’.

James Wan likes to make some weird movies, that is for sure. If you saw Insidious you may have found it scary, but you definitely would have also called it unique. It was doing stuff that had not been touched before, just to ensure it stood out.

Well, Chapter 2 continues with the weird, but potentially fails to deliver any real fears or tears. Seriously. I was in a packed theater opening night, and I don’t really remember the audience reacting in any way outside of laughter. Not the “I’m too cool to be scared, so I will laugh” laugh. But Chapter 2 has lots of jokes in it, and some slapstick humor, thanks to the bumbling assistants.

But no scares, which seems fundamentally flawed as a horror film.

The story itself was interesting though. Stylistically, it felt like Wan didn’t know what kind of horror film he wanted, and kept changing a few things. Like, suddenly, a wild abandoned hospital appeared. Who the fuck has one of those in their cities, just taking up space? Astral Projection of course eventually returns, and almost reminds me of the time in Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey when they went to Hell and ran through their past fears. A lot of it was kind of clever, just unexpected for this movie.

Major props to Lindsay Seim who had to play “Young Elise” in this movie. Shit, she looked and seemed like Elise, my mind was freaking out about the excellent make up. Well done no name.

Overall, I’d say it is less scary than the first Insidious, and thus technically an inferior film. Other parts were better overall as the the universe was expanded. The ending was stupid though. Fuck that ending.

2 out of 4.

Magic Magic. I like magic. I hope this movie is about magic.

You know, I sometimes watch movies just because there is magic in the title. That is why I watched Magic Mike, obviously. So this has double the magic, which is why I doubly chose to watch this movie.

But in all honesty, you know I am actually watching it for this creepy mother fucker right here.

Chile is a strange place, and that is what Magic Magic has really taught me.

Alicia (Juno Temple) is a young woman traveling to Chile with her cousin Sara (Emily Browning) who she hasn’t seen in some time. Alicia isn’t from the area, but Sara is going to school there, and even has a boyfriend, Agustin (Agustin Silva).

Well, as soon as they set off on a mini vacation to a cool house on a lake, Sara has to leave. She apparently has a test that she has to take, or she will fail the class. Bad timing. Alicia wants to stay with Sara, because she doesn’t know any of these people, but they all convince her to come along and it will be fun. Sure.

Alicia does not have a fun time. She drops Barbara’s (Catalina Sandino Moreno) bag in the water early on, so Barbara might dislike her. Brink (Michael Cera) keeps hitting on her, but she thinks he is a sadist.

Basically, everyone is out to get Alicia, and she doesn’t feel like they are the best sorts of people. And her friend has abandoned her! For more than a day like she promised. What the hell Sara. THESE PEOPLE MIGHT TRY TO KILL HER. AND YOU ARE GONE. FOR FUCKS SAKE SARA.

NO. FUCK SARA AND AGUSTIN AND BARABARA AND BRINK. ESPECIALLY BRINK. HE IS PROBABLY A RAPIST. NO DEFINITELY A RAPIST.

Look at him, staring into her back like that.

Sorry, I went a little bit off the edge there at the end of that plot outline.

Kind of like how Sara starts freaking out. First small gradual freak outs, but over time, full on freak out mode. See, I modeled it after the movie, you’re welcome.

This movie is pretty weird, and it really doesn’t have magic in it, and definitely not two forms of magic. Allegedly psychology classes watch it to try and determine what is wrong with Sara, but I doubt that. This movie literally came out mid August, 2013, so as of now, they can’t possibly have that info to back it up. Wikipedia is lying.

I think the acting from Juno Temple and Michael Cera here are incredible. Cera is creepy while also maintaining a nice guy attitude towards things, while Temple feels like her life is crumbling away from her. She is only on vacation for like three or four days, to give the movie even more context.

The ending was surprising, but if you pay enough attention to the details, you can see how and why it happened. However, it still felt a bit cut off and left unfinished by the end, bugging me pretty hardcore. There is also a lot of Spanish in this movie, but no subtitles, so maybe it is meant for the viewers to relate better to Sara throughout, in an unfamiliar area.

Overall, it is just okay, and would be best seen for the pretty good acting. The plot and ending could have been a bit better.

2 out of 4.