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This is my 100th review! Oh man, how time flies when you are watching movies. I saw this previewed on some other shitty movie and thought it had an interesting concept. It also starred Oscar Nunez, from The Office, Christian Slater, from real life, and Eva Longoria, from Desperate Housewives. Also with a small role was Carla from Scrubs.

So in this movie, some small hispanic town loses all of its men due to a war. All of them are drafted and sent off to fight, leaving only one man in the town, the priest Oscar. Women having to run a town by themselves? Hilarious! Just kidding. This movie banks heavily on gender stereotypes, if that wasnt obvious. All of the women didn’t think they could do it (except for Eva, and one wandering woman who joined them later).

Here are some plot lines: The priest feels it is his duty by God to impregnate everyone to repopulate with boys. Slater is a journalist hearing of this town and looking to make a story. Women learning to read and write and do things on their own. Women loving other women. Brothels going out of business (and it also included a weird song about touching their “happy place”).

And after the Brothels went, the economy collapsed.

The music is cheesy, the camera work is bad, and most of the acting (outside of Eva) is just one dimensional. I give 0 ratings to movies that make me mad that I watched them, so I will do this as well. Mostly because this comedy didnt make me laugh, and had potential to have a great actual story and seemed only to rely on the fact that women might make out with other women to sell it.

The description of Where The Road Meets The Sun mentions that it is about a man who gets into a coma and loses his memory after a car crash, and how he copes with it after. Huh. Interesting description. Unfortunately it is about 1/4 of the movie.

Soon all of the internet memes will be on this site.

The movie is actually about four different people, who all end up in the same hotel/hostel whatever in America, and how their lives become connected. We have Mexican immigrant, Japanese car crash man, British playboy, and the hotel manager, an American. The Mexican and Brit become friends, both being bus boys, while the older people become friends. There are some scenes where they hang out together and talk too.

And then some stuff happens. People leave, others get shot. Life sucks, haven’t you heard? Then it ends. To me it felt like a series of smaller stories put together, but didn’t really have to be. The beginning was definitely confusing, as it involved meeting the people, yet not knowing the movie was about a bunch of different people.

You know what the bigger problem may be here? Nyquil. It makes things weirder than they should be, and could be the reason this review is lackluster.

1 out of 4.

This film is also known as Olhos Azuis, in case you want to be able to IMDB it. But why would you do that when I just provided a link? I had no idea it was another language for the title either until I looked up an actor and found it under the (Spanish? Portuguese?) title of Olhos Azuis. Anyways, this is definitely a Brazilian and more based film, half of which is in English, the other half in…not English.

This is not the cover of the film, but it should be.

Story tells of an Immigration officer at some airport on his last day before forced retirement. He definitely gets drunk during the party, but then continues throughout his day. The story tells two tales back and forth, his last day at work, and him traveling in Brazil much later. At the airport, he harasses a group of people, including becoming violent with one individual, and against all belief, hounding another. Each individuals storyline is told through these interrogations and with their conversations in the waiting room. Shit. Goes. Down. You just watch in disbelief at how horrible he is acting. And it sucks. It does.

The actual movie is done on a low budget. I could see how grainy it was on my TV, was distracting at the beginning but I got used to it. The story while not being true, is apparently based off a few different stories. I can’t confirm that, just what the director said. It will make you mad, but that is good, because it makes you feel. Normally I also talk about who is in it, but for reals, I know like no one. All unknown actors.

Not to be confused with actors who starred in Unknown.

3 out of 4.

Seriously guys. Nothing good will come out of watching this action movie. Inside Out is even a vague title, not having really anything to add to the movie. Maybe some bullshit about “Oh how my life has turned Inside Out after I got out of prison!” This movie just screams out fantasticles though. Starring Triple H and Michael Rapaport. Yes. The Wrestler. And yes, that guy who has only been in like My Name Is Earl, and Boston Public. How can it fail?? Not to mention the wife being played by Parker Posey, aka cutter chick on The Big C, or Fiona from Josie and the Pussycats. Yes, blockbuster indeed.

Block. Buster. In. Deed.

HHH was in prison for the last fourteen years for accidental manslaughter. His friend, Rapapapapapa, tries to get him back on the right track, and lets him stay at his house. Oh yeah, and his old girlfriend before prison is now married to Rapapa, and they have a kid. And uh. Awkward? So, more accidents happen, and a dead body occurs. Also, the police, for some tax evasion stuff.

TRIPLE H DOESN’T WANT TO BE IN THIS MESS. So some more people die, and more people arrested. This movie also had a weird pickle theme. And I have no idea why the movie didn’t end after the sex scene. But it just kept going. You know, so stuff could blow up I guess. All good action movies need things blowing up.

Unfortunately, this isnt a good action movie.

But Triple H dressing up like Samuel L Jackson might have helped.

Movie about Amish peopleeeeeeee.

Not this one.

Watch out. Quaint stuff. So it bugged me for the first twenty minutes, trying to figure out who the main chick was (Danielle Panabaker). Knew her from some movie. Probably someone in some movie who I have seen recently…or maybe ha….OH WHAT THE FUCK. SHE WAS IN SKY HIGH TOO.

I keep watching all these new movies and they are flooded by the cast of Sky High. She was the plant girl. Maybe Sky High is actually the best stepping stone for so many young actors, and soon all of them will be leading movies in the future, and we don’t know it yet? Maybe they are all the next brat pack?

Often described as her “Carrie” moment.

Okay, so I haven’t talked about the movie yet. In The Shunning, there is an Amish girl, doesn’t like it, wants to be free. Turns out she wasn’t born Amish, nor does anyone know it yet (aside from her ‘parents’). So this dramatic film felt like a lifetime made for TV movie. Any deceit that was felt I couldn’t relate too. I couldn’t feel for the girl, nor did I see the problem. So what if you aren’t related biologically? Doesn’t mean you should forgo your whole past and assume you shouldn’t remain Amish. Oh well, was pretty bored.

Hmm. Hmmm. Hmmm. Okay. I am pretty sure I read some of the Ramona Quimby books. Definitely some of the smaller story lines seemed familiar. What I don’t remember is her seeming that bratty. I think. I know the Ramona character had issues, or was misunderstood, or something, but when I saw the film, in the first half I didn’t feel sorry for her for anything. I could tell what she was doing wrong and how she should fix it. I think this makes me and old person curmudgeon. That could be repetitive.

I didn’t know Ginnifer Goodwin was in here, as Aunt B, and was bleh at it. Probably cause it is with that lame haircut. Ohyeahhh.

If you wanted a statement, consider the statement made.

One of the bigger gripes I have with the movie may be the name. Ramona /and Beezus/. That almost makes it seem like the movie is about two people. But the book series, is about Ramona and her interaction with her family. No books were actually called this title. And this movie is about…Ramona and her interactions with her family. So much not about Beezus, just a side character amongst the rest? I guess they wanted to include her, as she is played by Selena Gomez, and is probably technically the biggest name attached. Right after “mature asian woman” who always plays teacher or doctor roles in things.

Oh well, pointless film, that although technically having a correct sort of ending, didn’t really do much for me.

This is a kind of weird movie. It is kind of a documentary, but also not really. Which is the joke/reference it makes at the beginning. Howl has about three different parts: one the telling of the poem Howl by Allen Ginsberg, famous beat poet. Two, an interview with him about the poem and his life. And three, the court room precidings against his publishing company who were defending the work from being banned for being “obscene”. Allen Ginsberg in the first two parts is played by James Franco.

Sure. I could see him being a famous beat poet. I guess.

None of the events filmed in this are the actual scenes. But everything is word for word, the interview is the same, and the court room is the same. The telling of the poem goes back and forth between some art house small stage, and an animated work they made to go to the poem. The animation was very interesting, but I of course still didn’t understand anything about it. I was most excited about the courtroom parts, because I care about censorship, and wondered how it went down. This part featured everyones favorite actor, John Hamm, who did okay. Franco played Allen Ginsberg, mostly in the interview part, but also in the telling of the poem. I can honestly say I didn’t think it was Franco most of the movie, just didn’t have the Franco voice I am used too.

Even if you don’t understand or care about modern poetry, like me, this can be an interesting thing to watch. Clocks in under 90 minutes so it doesn’t take up too much time. You can also put a check mark on you “snobby nerd bucket list” probably.

Hey hey hey. This movie I have always wondered just what it is about, seeing it at blockbuster for a long time. The cover just seems unappealing, showing some fast action blurry street or something, and a barely distinguishable (in my eyes) view of Russel Crowe‘s face. But after reading the back finally, I was like, whoa, sounds kinda nifty!

My description kind of works.

Crowe wants to break his wife, Elizabeth Banks out of prison, because he has gave up on the Justice System. Due to a series of crazy mishaps, she is being blamed for a murder and for fleeing a crime scene. But Crowe lost. He could not save her. Raising their young son on his own, she has been in jail long enough to have several lesbian loves.

I can’t believe I found a lesbian Elizabeth Banks picture. Hooray for internet.

No more appeals left, she is going to get transferred in three days so Crowe has to hurry up and panic.

Crowe giving up on the Justice System? I couldnt help but compare this with Law Abiding Citizen, in which it was Butler who gave up on it. These movies are quite different though. LAC was good in its own right, but so was this film. It clocked in over 2 hours, allowing at least an hour for the break out plan. It played on moral dilemmas, with an obvious small discussion about Don Quixote earlier in the film. I was unsure of how it would end, and was kind of scared. After all, it was a “suspense” “thriller” thing. But I was definitely interested in the whole film. Allow me to suspend believe that a community college teacher can be smarter than a whole police department. Olivia Wilde also had a small role as a teacher. You know, if you like her.

Here is the actual story as to how I picked this movie to watch. I went in last night to Blockbuster knowing I’d only have time to watch one movie in the next two days. So I said huh. In honor of The New Girl, I will just watch the last movie Zooey Deschanel was in that I HADN’T already seen. So it took me way back to this one.

Oh Zooey, you are so Zany.

When I heard about the concept I thought it was horrible. He always says yes for a year? What is this, the unofficial sequel to Liar, Liar? Come on Jim Carrey, you can just keep making movies where you are obsessed with shit. Oh. You learn it isn’t some magic force doing this to him. It is his own choice. Also he isn’t a “Yes man” in a corporation, which I also assumed. SO what, how old is Jim Carrey now? He should definitely not be hooking up with Zoey. I am jealous of that.

The movies beginning was a bit too long. It really drive the point home that Jim is an unpleasant son of a bitch, who needs to not be such a negative nancy. I liked seeing Murray from FotC playing a very similar role. It was also weird seeing Bradley Cooper as a side kick who really cares about his friend Jim. If this was any movie after he became super big, Cooper probably would have kicked Jim’s ass for being such a jerk.

Bitch seats build character.

The movie was overall enjoyable. Had some funny parts. Other parts annoyed me.

Hey look, a low budget Ray Liotta serial killer movie. Here is some fun things about this movie. This is NOT a mystery! Not a whodunnit at all. They are pretty clear in showing you, the viewer, who is killing these people. If the obvious clues don’t knock the sense into you, the actual acts of him doing so should ring it in.

As you may guess The River Murders takes place in a small town with a River. Murders happen near it or around it, and this shit needs to get solved.

Because you know who did it, the movie focuses on the more interesting kind of question there is: Why? Why is this man doing these killers? How is it related to Detective Liotta? Why are there so many titties in this film compared to a National Lampoon movie that doesn’t feature Chevy Chase? (Oh that’s answered. Because the women are dead, having been raped and, pretty often, thrown into a river. So their lack of clothes explains that.)

“Ah-ha! Finally! Another movie with Rape! Let me out of this chair right now!”

I was interested in the outcome, and was glad this was rated R. The deaths weren’t graphically shown, but the aftermath could be, and it allowed the language to be a tad bit more appropriate. There are some cliches also heard in this movie, including the ever so fun “by the book!” phrase in every cop related movie. Will I ever watch this again? Nah, probably not. It felt like a made for tv movie, besides the dead bodies, boobs, and swearing. But it was decent one watch affair. Also, despite Christian Slater being in the movie, he didn’t add much to it.