Author: Admin

Documentary time!

This time, it was Forks Over Knives, recommended by someone to my fiance, so of course I said I would watch it too. It is in my range, came out in 2011. Title was a bit weird, mostly because I didn’t see the need for my cutlery to battle. I prefer them to work together in harmony. Where the fuck are my spoons at??? Represent!

Alright, so the tagline of this movie on its cover is “Warning! This movie could save your life”. Good, time to be a skeptic.

I will admit the beginning of the movie was a bit more interesting. The “reason” for this documentary is because the director Lee Fulkerson wanted to be healthier than he is, so he goes on a journey of self discovery that, miraculously, a lot of people have published papers on recently at the time of his documentary.

Long story short, Veganism. Or as they called it a “plant-based diet” void of meats and dairy. So you know, Veganism. There were studies that were interesting, showing people who switched over and got healthier. Studies that reported the same findings. They spent a lot of time talking about Cancer and China, because there was a “Cancer Atlas” or something, that showed cancer abundance over the entirety of China for each type. They related this to diet somehow too.

This is like my nightmare incarnate.

The one study I found really interesting was the one about Norway during WW2. Basically, because all documentaries need to mention Hitler, the Nazis invaded Norway, and fucked them up. They took away their meat and the citizens had to start eating basically just plants. Then a lot of diseases went away like the next year, instantly, and it had a drastic downgrade. Huh. Cool.

But if that was true, I wasn’t really ready to believe it. So I went and looked it up! Science bitches! Basically, I found that it was pretty misleading. The Nazis took away a lot of things. Like cigarettes, so there was a country wide shortage, a lot less smoking. They also increased in physical activity, so people had to move a lot more, doing healthy things. Shit, blaming it all on meat is kind of awkward, no?

Getting to that study lead me to this other “review” of the movie by MD Harriet Hall over at www.sciencebasedmedicine.org. Harriet looks at every claim and study the movie mentions, notes the inefficiencies of the studies (low sample size, no controls, whatever) and where the movie people make broad claims where the studies do not themselves.

So basically, OP is a liar.

Damn it, I hate bad science movies so damn much. Obviously this documentary would be biased, all of them are, but finding out how biased is just the worst. At least they didn’t also alter or have misleading interviews like another terrible science documentary.

You know there is an issue with a documentary if they seem to claim that humans were meant to be herbivores, not omnivores. Bitch, I know what these canines in my mouth are for.

So most of the claims are incorrect. Is Veganism healthier overall? Probably in some aspects. But it seems the science really goes towards living a healthy lifestyle, eating just not a shit ton of meat and diary, but still having it in your diet. Basically, increase fruit and vegetable intact will probably be the better results here, not an elimination of animal products completely.

I can say for certain that I wasn’t looking forward to seeing Blended. It looked like feel good trash. This is like the fifth movie in a row where Adam Sandler is playing a father like figure, and the third time he has had Drew Barrymore as the love interest.

It kind of just felt like a money grab from the start, where the jokes are mostly just Africa jokes with a shitty plot behind it.

But yet at the same time, something compelled me to watch this movie as soon as I could.

Basic plot time! Jim (Sandler) and Lauren (Barrymore) are on a blind date. Lauren is recently divorced due to her husband cheating on her (Joel McHale). Jim unfortunately is recently widowed. But also, Jim seems to be a dick, taking his date to Hooters and stuff. Both are awkward. It is a bad blind date, they don’t want to see each other again.

Until they do. A lot. Mostly on accident. They are very similar. And due to strange circumstances, they are both able to take their families on a vacation to Africa! But they are also sharing a romantic getaway package. One meant for families made up of step-children/parents, half-whatevers. You know. Blended shit.

So now they are on a zany adventure, both in each others lives, with each others kids, and hey, maybe they will learn to love and trust again too?

Jim has three daughters (Belle Thorne, Emma Fuhrmann, Alyvia Alyn Lind) and Lauren has two sons (Braxton Beckham, Kyle Red Silverstein).

Who else do we got? Well, we got Shaquille O’Neal as a best friend and Wendi McLendon-Covey as a different best friend. Kevin Nealon is a guy on the trip, with his son Zak Henri who becomes a love interest to the older girl.

And last but not least, Abdoulaye NGom as the vacation host, and Terry Crews as a lead singer of an African A Capella group to serenade us the whole movie. Also, countless other guest stars, some from most of Adam’s movies and some that were only in one before.

Basically, here is most of the cast outside of a couple kids and best friends.

Sandler is such a jerk. He can do pointless ass movies involving as many cheap celebrity cameos as possible now, or a movie that actually has some heart behind it. I blame the director. The director did Click, The Waterboy, and The Wedding Singer before this. He knows how to make a decent Adam Sandler movie. Although this one didn’t have me cry like that sneaky movie Click, it did have a lot of touching moments behind it. All the asshole-ish behavior on both sides seem to get explained away with great excuses and reasons, and you can’t help but feel sorry for both sides.

But that is the surprise drama element of the movie! You don’t want that, you want the comedy promised to you in the trailers! Well, here are actually a decent number of laughs. I am a bit disappointed in how much of the funnier moments in the movie ended up in the trailers. Mostly since a lot of them were based on a surprise/sudden action. But thankfully the film had a few more surprises up its sleeve.

Funniest movie ever? No. Great drama/comedy? Debatable. Definitely at least decent. Crews was really awesome in his role, dude always gives it the 100%.

I am mostly thrilled this movie actually had a plot and a jokes derived from the plot and characters, and not just 50 sight gags with African related scenery. They have some, but a lot more is available than the “Random jokes” that I was afraid the whole movie would end up being.

Is it better than the last two collaborations between the two? Arguably not, but eh, it was still a pretty good experience on its own.

Who doesn’t love an older franchise getting a reboot? Well, older Godzilla fans for one. They probably wouldn’t even consider this movie a reboot, just a continuum in the long storied history of the Godzilla franchise. But me? Sure, it is a reboot. We all remember the 1998 Godzilla. Even you in the corner probably remember it. I don’t care how many movies came out since then in Japan, if any. I only know there was a sixteen year gap between this one and the old one, and no characters are the same.

Well, one character is the same, I guess.

But fuck those older movies. This one is newer! With graphics!

State of the art Robot Graphics!

The year? 1999. Probably to mess with the other movie a bit. Joe Brody (Bryan Cranston) is working at a nuclear reactor in Japan as a head Engineer, noticing some seismic waves, when holy crap, big disaster occurs! People die, questions are raised, and maybe, the whole thing is covered up.

Fast forward to now! Fifteen years later! Ford (Aaron Taylor-Johnson), Joe’s son is now a grown up, just a lad during the incident. He is in the armed forces, a bomb diffusion-er. I guess you can say he is good at calming high intensity situations. He is just arriving back home to see his wife (Elizabeth Olsen) and kid when he has to go BACK to Japan to get his father out of jail.

He is now a conspiracy junkie and snuck back into the heavily radiated area they had to leave. Well, Ford joins his dad on a mission to go back to the plant, when holy crap, big disaster occurs! People die, questions are raised, and maybe, the whole thing is covered up. Just kidding, video footage gets out, at least one giant monster exists and it is about to fuck up a lot of shit!

But what do these creatures have to do with the mysterious Monarch group, lead by our only major Japanese character Dr. Ishiro Serizawa (Ken Watanabe) and his three lined assistant (Sally Hawkins).

Also, the role of Godzilla is played by Brian Posehn.

It has often been prophesized that Posehn given enough radiation could cause this must destruction.

I think I have admitted to past to not really caring about the large raging lizard known as Godzilla. I can’t get into those movies, despite having multiple friends who have been raving about them and awaiting this movie for a few years.

However, I am a fan of really well done, exciting and entertaining movies. So, I guess I am a pretty huge damn fan of this movie. Godzilla is only right around two hours and never really has any pacing issues. Do you get to see giant creatures battling in the first thirty minutes? No, of course not, but the build up and the human drama early on really set the tone for what was going to go down. Shit, Bryan Cranston’s role isn’t that big in this movie, but he damn near made me cry with his own intensity.

Aaron Taylor-Johnson has had a pretty good movie career over the last few years, some good movies, some bad ones, but usually solid acting. In this one, he mostly displayed a calming silent attitude when faced with near death situations, but I think it worked out well.

But who cares about HUMANS when we have giant monsters FIGHTING? Were the fights great? Yes. There are fights rhgouhout the movie, although some of them are teased or kept intentionally dark to only give you snippets, but by the end it is definitely worth it. A lot of fan service here for Godzilla junkies along with chances for easily made sequels in the future.

Even more exciting is the science! Obviously it isn’t 100% correct, because we’d probably have Godzilla-esque things now. But for the movie, it seemed to work out pretty well in my mind. Yay reasonable science in a movie!

Looking at the summer schedule, Godzilla is likely to be the best “disaster film” of the next few months.

Brought to you by the people who gave us Invincible and Miracle? Well, Million Dollar Arm is breaking up the one word name scheme then.

The two movies above were interesting, I guess. But even as a hockey fan, I didn’t really care too much for Miracle. Too much marriage drama over nothing coupled with some awkward inaccuracies like mixing up Sweden and Finland’s flags at the end.

So, knowing that those movies were just okay, I guess that is what this movie is going to aim for? But since it is based on a real event, that is extremely recent, I already know how it ends up. Dudes get signed by the Pirates. They spend a lot of time in the minors, some time in the MLB, and do okay to bad at pitching.

His big smile is due to the dollar signs that flash on the inside of his sunglasses.

This film takes back in the ancient time of like, 2008 or so. Just like the British Empire of yore, we have people hoping to exploit the rich untapped potential of a foreign nation. Err, also just like the British Empire, this land is India.

Things are going bad for JB (Jon Hamm) and his advertising firm. They wanted to branch out on their own, make their own mark in the world, and they are having trouble making money and signing any real clients. Once they fail for the thousandth time, JB decides fuck all this nonsense. Let’s create a gimmick, change some lives, and become famous that way!

He sees Cricket on TV and thinks he can turn cricket players into baseball pitchers in one year. The first Indian MLB player will bring in a ton of new fans to the sport and lots of advertising and endorsements. Bling bling, playa!

So he gets an investor, creates a reality show in India, eventually finds two young guys (Suraj Sharma, Madhur Mittal), and an Indian translator who likes baseball and will work for free (Pitobash) and begins the training to get them into the MLB. But can they do it in just a few months?! ?!!?!?!!? !!!!?

Lot of other people here of course. Alan Arkin, small role as a talent scout. Bill Paxton as a crazy method man for teaching pitching. Lake Bell as the tenant in JB’s guest house who is the romantic love interest. Aasif Mandvi is the Indian friend of JB to not make this whole thing super racist/imperial like. I guess it kind of works.

I think my two photos this time clearly represent business before pleasure.

Alright, first and easiest complaint about this movie is the length. The idea phase happens realitve quickly, so somewhere in the trip to India, finding of the boys and the training it just takes too long to get to the eventual end point. Too much of the movie is JB being an asshole, so it gets tiring. Maybe knowing the outcome doesn’t help this fact. But Lincoln kept up its entertaining aspects despite knowing how that finished too.

A lot of the characters are pretty good, but hats off mostly to our three characters from India. Sharma and Mittal aren’t similar in any way, both of their characters have personality and shine in different ways and excel for different reasons. Huh, kind of like the real life counter parts. But also Pitobash. Man was he amusing, probably made me laugh the most. I hope he is based on a real life person too, because that guy sounds like a cool guy to be friends with.

Hamm? Well, he played a dick sports agent who eventually found a heart to care for the kids he brought over and then they succeeded. But is it really a change of heart when it takes multiple people multiple times to tell him the same thing? JB is the type of character who will do almost anything to get ahead. He is desperate, that is why he went to India. Wouldn’t put it past him to fake the caring thing too, just because he knows it will make him that money.

So whatever, a pseudo inspiring tale I guess. It isn’t terrible, just is too long and again, is so recent we know that even though they came over and pitched, they didn’t revolutionize anything. They aren’t Jackie Robinson or anything.

Come on Disney. Find a sexier sports moment to make a movie out of next, please.

Farmland. Farmers. Iowa. Hey, I live in Iowa!

So, I shouldn’t have been surprised to find out that there was a huge crowd to see a documentary about farmers. They had the biggest theater in my city and there were barely any empty seats. The only real reason I went is because they were giving away some tickets, free movies yo. Not to mention to excitement of the crowd for a one time only showing of a movie.

They really love their farming here, so hell yeah, let’s watch it with them.

Farmland is a pretty basic documentary. Apparently a lot of old people own farm land, and they might die off soon. Not a lot of people are going into the farming industry for many reasons, and eventually there might not be good people to run the land. No farmers? No farms! Oh no!

So this documentary goes over six individuals who are all in various aspect of the farming life, and all under 30.

Brad Bellah Rancher in Texas. He wears a cowboy hat, grew up being a rancher, and still raises cows with his new family. Leighton Cooley from Georgia, who raises Chickens and other minor crops. Has a huge farm area, second generation I think. There is David Loberg, a Nebraskan who raises corn/soybeans, also at least a second generation.

We have Sutton Morgan from California, fourth generation, but doing huge organic farms and is very successful. Margaret Schlass a first generation woman in Philly, doing organic stuff also, but more small time and co-op based. Finally, we have Ryan Veldhuizen, a Minnesota native fourth generation pig farmer.

Yep. No one from Iowa. Denied!

Cowboys, cowboy hats, and cows? Is this my future calling?

This documentary was made to inform the general public about the wonders of farming, the hardships, and the fact that they aren’t just a bunch of dumb hicks. It is to get younger people interested in the profession and save America’s farming future!

But man, from someone without much of a farming background, it was just okay. It had some funny moments, but I wouldn’t say I learned a lot either. I guess it was okay to see their lives, and what they did throughout a year, but eh, still not really too interesting for me.

It did have some sweet moments too, particularly with the Nebraskan farmer. His dad died a year before the film, so they talked about him a few times and how he took over the business. Then there was a moment where he tried to explain a specific moment from his past, and he just started to babble incoherently, fighting back tears. It was extremely hard to not cry along with him. I looked around the packed theater? Dozens of teary faces in my vicinity. Very touching, but doesn’t make the movie great.

I can tell you if you grew up near farms or plan on going into farms, you will love this movie. The theater clapped at the end. Huge ovation over a documentary about farming. I guess that is what happens when you watch a movie like this in Iowa.

Readers, don’t judge me. But when a movie has such a succinct and eye catching title, can you really blame a person for being curious about the movie?

Literally, Asian School Girls seems to just be able high school Asian women who have to defeat bad guys and kill them. Very simple plot from the cover. That is all I knew going in!

And so this will be a short review. Mostly because I can’t find any pictures of it on the internet.

Basically, four girls (Sam Aotaki, Catherine Hyein Kim, Belle Hengsathorn, Minnie Scarlet) of which whose ethnicity you can guess go to a night club despite high school status. They have fake IDs! During the night, they are invited by two handsome men to come hang out at their place. Unfortunately, it was all a set up where they instead are drugged and raped.

This causes one of them to commit suicide. In grief, and anger at a police department who doesn’t seem to be able to help (Andray Johnson), they decide to get some weapons and enact their own revenge.

They just need money first, so you know, they become strippers, and then eventually kill some people.

Accidentally misleading, since only three of the four go on the killing spree.

Oh boy. This movie started off rough, and kept its sandpaper level quality. First thing I found out about this movie was that it was made by The Asylum. They make a lot of low budget straight to DVD crap, selling bad graphics and sex, movies that are titled eerily similar to bigger blockbusters, and of course fucking Sharknado.

It was extremely hard to pay attention to this movie filled with no substance and terrible action. That’s right, a movie about revenge and killing bad guys has terrible action. Some of it is graphic sure, but most of it is shit.

This movie does have copious amounts of nudity. Way too much, since it is all just awkwardly long stripping scenes for the most part. Speaking of awkward, they threw in a lesbian scene too for shits and giggles.

Yeah, skip this movie. I knew it should have been terrible. But eh, sometimes I just give things the benefit of the doubt.

Fuck this movie. Just, get it out of the way. During The Nut Job I predicted Legends of Oz: Dorothy’s Return would end up being the second worst animated movie of 2014. I was wrong. At this point, I don’t see how there could be anything worst than this trash of a film throughout the rest of the year. No way. No way at all.

It was so many levels of shitty, I don’t think I can properly spend time explaining it all, so I made a short play to try and explain it all.

Here are most of the characters. Not of the play, but of the shitstorm movie.

Executive 1: Alright, we need a sure fire hit for the company. We got about $70 million in budget, and we want to cover ALL demographics. We want the nostalgia, we want the kids, we want songs, we want jokes, we want it all.

Executive 2: We gotta get that Glee girl involved. She is relatively free with the dead boyfriend news being almost a year old now.

E1: Yeah, get her to be the lead!

E2: How bout we do another Wizard of Oz movie? That one last year was pretty well received, and they didn’t try at all!

E1: Brilliant! Who doesn’t love the Scarecrow and Tin Man and Lion! We can make a sequel. Bring everyone back!

E2: But sir! We are out of villains! All the witches are dead!

E1: Shit, we can’t just have them having fun and going on an adventure. We need excitement!

E2: Well, we could get Ralph, our idea man…

E1: Ralph? That man is a wild card, shit, just saying his name three times tends to get him involved.

(Just then, Ralph busts in the boardroom door, pen and paper in his hands).

RtWC: FUCK THIS! WILD CARDS DON’T NEED TO WAIT THREE TIMES! HERE IS OUR MOVIE.

BOOM. FIRST OFF, DOROTHY’S HOUSE GOT FUCKED UP BY A TORNADO. LET’S MAKE THE VILLAIN BE AN APPRAISER WHO KICKS HER OUT OF THE HOUSE. ALSO, LET’S CHANGE THE LOOK OF HER AUNT AND UNCLE. HER AUNT HAS TO BE YOUNGER, HER UNCLE NOW BALDER. IT WILL WORK.

E1: Yeah people probably won’t remember the look of the outside non Oz characters.

RtWC: ALRIGHT. LET’S GET HER BACK TO OZ. WE NEED TO UP THE NOSTALGIA. FIRST THING WE SEE ARE HER FRIENDS, ALL FREAKY AFTER THEIR NEW BRAIN HEART AND SHIT. ALSO, FLYING MONKEYS. WE NEED MORE OF THEM.

LET’S SAY THE WITCH HAD A BROTHER. BUT HE IS A JESTER, BECAUSE THE WITCH IS A BITCH. HE IS EVIL NOW BECAUSE OF THIS STUFF. WHY NOT. HE IS ALSO OUR COMIC RELIEF. FUCKING JESTERS.

ANYWAYS, SOMETHING WILL GO WRONG, DOROTHY WILL HAVE TO MEET NEW PEOPLE.

LIKE A FAT OWL THAT CAN’T FLY AND IS SMART. AND A MAN MADE OUT OF MARSHMELLOWS. A PORCELAIN DOLL. THEY HAD THOSE LAST MOVIE, LET’S DO MORE OF THEM.

E2: Is the Jester going to have a stupid death like the witch?

RtWC: I DON’T KNOW, LET’S NOT WORRY ABOUT THE END TIL WE START FILMING. HERE ARE SOME PLOT POINTS. ANGRY APPLE TREES? BRING THEM BACK, BUT THIS TIME LET ONE OF THEM KILL HIMSELF FOR DOROTHY.

THEY ARE GONNA TREAT HER LIKE ROYALTY EVERYWHERE SHE GOES. IN FACT, LET THE FACT THAT SHE IS DOROTHY SOLVE 95% OF HER PROBLEMS! THE PORCELAIN DOLL? LET’S HAVE A TIME WHERE SHE BREAKS APART AND EVERYONE THINKS SHE IS DEAD.

E1: Now now, looking into your other notes, I see have written down here that the doll breaks a bunch of porcelain suitors, who then go on talking and living lives, just need to be glued back together to walk again. Why would anyone think she is dead?

RtWC: BECAUSE WE WILL INEXPLICABLY MAKE HER NOT TALK AND JUST LIE THERE POST CRACK, DESPITE HAVING HER WHOLE HEAD GOOD WHICH SHOULD IMMEDIATELY ALLOW HER TO DISPEL ANY OF THOSE THOUGHTS.

E2: Are any of these new friends going to serve a purpose to her journey?

RtWC: ARE YOU KIDDING ME? THAT’S JUST FOR MORE MERCHANDISING! I WANT POINTLESS CHARACTERS AND TIE-INS. I WANT FAKE DRAMATICS. I WANT EVERYTHING TO HAVE AN EASY SOLUTION AND THERE BE NO REAL THREAT TO OUR CHARACTERS.

LISTEN, ALL WE NEED IS AT LEAST ONE REALLY BIG NAME, SAY PATRICK STEWART OR MARTIN SHORT. THEN WE CAN FILL SIDE CHARACTERS WITH OLDER, NOT AS FAMOUS PEOPLE. LIKE DAN AYKROYD, JAMES BELUSHI, KELSEY GRAMMER, OLIVER PLATT AND HUGH DANCY. THEN GET SOME “FRESH FACES,” LIKE BERNADETTE PETERS AND MEGAN HILTY. WE MAKE THEM SING AND DANCE, AND CAN DO IT ALL FOR PROBABLY $20 MIL WITH OUR ANIMATION QUALITY.

E1: Hey, we have $70 million on the table! Where would the other $50 million go?

(The three men look at each other, smile, and agree to greenlight the movie).

Anyways, that was probably terrible. But it was still more entertaining than this trash. I didn’t even begin to touch what didn’t make sense with this movie. Just. Fuck.

Finally, a movie that can relate to almost anyone. Neighbors. Hey, I have had neighbors most of my life! Some people live on farms in the middle of no where with no real neighbors. Those people aren’t the target audience for this movie though. I doubt they are anyone’s target audience really.

Also it is the first big comedy of the summer. Last year we got This Is The End as our first big movie (because I am just making shit up now and ignoring other films, like The Hangover 3. Let me make up this imaginary point, jeez), and that one set a bar too high for most other comedies to follow.

Can Neighbors do the same?

Not with these squares trying to act cool. Nope nope nope.

Mac (Seth Rogen) and, Kelly (Rose Byrne) are adults! They have finally done it! They created a human from their love and they have a house!

But then they got…grr…neighbors! They thought it would be a lovely gay couple. No, it was a frat house. How’d they get a house in the middle of a residential neighborhood? Who knows. But they are stoked, because it is time to party. Their president, THE Teddy Sanders (Zac Efron) and a VP of Pete (Dave Franco).

Mac and Kelly try and be cool about it all. Sure they have a baby, but as long as they are cool, the frat will probably try to keep it down. The frat is willing to be friendly with them, as long as they don’t call the cops ever, just them first.

Well, they call the cops eventually after a party that won’t end and won’t get quiet. That makes the frat angry. They decide to rage war on their neighbors, as they have messed with the wrong frat. Then shenanigans happen. Shenanigans!

We also get Christopher Mintz-Plasse and Jerrod Carmichael as frat guys. And Ike Barinholtz and Carla Gallo as friends of Mac and Kelly. And Hannibal Buress as a cop! But his role is limited.

When there are multiple De Niros, you will never know who is talking to who.

I have long talked about how great Zac Efron is in past reviews, and it is still true here, so I won’t talk about it more here. Seth Rogen is very much like his normal self, so I won’t talk about that more here.

Instead, I will talk about Rose Byrne, who was absolutely hilarious in the movie along with the rest of the cast. I realize I rarely praise the female in a comedy, but she really held her own against some of these other professionals of comedy. She doesn’t do comedy much, outside of Bridesmaids I really can’t remember anything, so it really came as a big surprise to me.

The film definitely has its moments. The one De Niro scene had me in stitches, and reminded me a bit of the seagulls in Finding Nemo.

It was a good show from an all-star-ish cast with hardly any downtime in between laughs.

Yay moms.

Hopefully if you are a mom, you also know you are a mom. I hear sometimes guys finding out they are dads a year or many years later, and that is unfortunate. So I have to assume that is true for some moms too. I’d be a shame to not know you were a mom for like, ten years.

Anyways, the movie Moms’ Night Out is meant for those moms who know they are moms.

MOVIE QUIZ TIME: One of these characters is not a mom in this movie. Can you guess which one?!

Oh being a mom. The world’s hardest job, apparently. It is harder than being a dad, because it involves measurably more vaginal stretching.

Just ask Allyson (Sarah Drew)! She is a blogger and a mom. A mom blogger. But she actually doesn’t actively write. Too busy momming. Has three kids and a husband (Sean Astin) who travels a bunch. You’d think Mother’s Day would be a restful day for her, but nope, kids. Even church is hectic! Her spirit animal of hope is Sondra (Patricia Heaton), the pastor’s wife (Alex Kendrick). She definitely has it together, no stress at all. Just a rebellious teenage daughter.

Allyson’s other friend is Izzy (Logan White), another mom of two. Her husband (Robert Amaya) is afraid of tiny children for whatever reason. He is very traditional and doesn’t want to ever look after his own kids in the nicest way possible.

After the disastrous mother’s day, Allyson decides to organize a Moms’ Night Out. Just moms, make the dads be the moms for once, so the moms can just be carefree ladies. Yeah! Fancy restaurants! Bowling maybe! No responsibilities! But when her (sister-in-law? Half-sister?) Bridget (Abbie Cobb) gets involved, and they find out her baby is missing because her boyfriend (Harry Shum Jr.) left it with a friend, well, then oh buddy oh gee whiz. That ends up just being the first of many problems! Oh poop. Why can’t they ever have just a night off? Being a mom is just so gosh darn turrible.

Also staring David Hunt as a cab driver, Kevin Downes as an “irresponsible gaming friend” of Sean, and Trace Adkins as a tattoo artist.

Unlike the last picture, this one features zero moms.

Moms mom mommity mom mom. That is their target audience with this movie. It does glorify “moms”, yes. But mostly the stay at home mom. The mom who also helps serve her husband mom. The mom who is in charge of doing most of the kid activities while the husbands get to play games and work a job. That’s right. This is a movie has a very old concept of what it means to be a mom. One of the four moms, I guess, has a job, but only part time because her husband is more of a slacker.

Basically, this movie is secretly a religious movie. The guy who plays a pastor? He did those movies like Courageous and Fireproof. He didn’t do this one, he is just in it as an actor playing a pastor. Big role move for him there.

I’d say this movie is almost offensive in that regard. In fact, they made the moms feel mostly frantic and unable to handle anything that came their way. They made the moms kind of feel pathetic. This elevated the side characters like the cabbie and the Trace Adkins into amusing roles as they ended up doing a lot to help and save the day. So the get the jokes, they make me laugh occasionally, which is what saves this movie from being completely terrible.

Sean Astin and Kevin Downes play characters named Sean and Kevin. Come on guys, try a little. I am not saying that shouldn’t allowed, but in this case two characters had their real names, which is redonkulous.

For sure, do not take your mothers to see this movie.

Video on Demand is starting to be my favorite thing. A lot of indie movies are doing it now. Living in a place without indie movies, I have had to wait for DVD releases all the time. But Video on Demand lets me give them some actual money, and watch it at home in my own luxury.

This has let me watch Joe, a movie recommended to me.

I had no idea who was in it and what it was about either, so, another mysterious watch!

But it has railroad tracks, and you know what they say about railroad tracks.

Aw shit, it is based on a book. Oh well, hopefully no one actually read it.

Despite being named Joe, this movie is kind of really about Gary (Tye Sheridan). Gary needs a job for him and his dad (Gary Poulter). They move around a lot, just an honest labor job would do.

Gary finds Joe (Nicholas Cage). Joe works secretly for a logging company. They have forests that have some non useful trees in them. They basically poison the weak trees so they die, so that they can be replaced with an ideal lumber. Under the table, maybe illegal, but it pays nicely.

But Joe isn’t necessarily a great man. He used to be a con, gave it up for real work. He still made a lot of enemies. He has a huge distrust of cops. But he likes Gary. Gary works hard.

He doesn’t like Gary’s dad though. That man is an alcoholic and doesn’t do anything worthwhile. Despite the kinship, Gary might do better away from his dad. Looks like we have a lot of southern drama to look forward to with this film.

Also there is a Ronnie Gene Blevins and Adriene Mishler in this movie. Also a lot of locals from the area, but I don’t remember their names from the movie, and they don’t have IMDB photos, so uhh. I can’t really tag them.

Size does matter.

The absurdly big picture is there for a reason. Look at it. Bask in its glory. Look at that beard. It is lush and it is on Nicholas Cage’s face.

There are a lot of Cage haters out there, and honestly, a lot of that is probably valid. He has definitely been in a lot of terrible movies, but also quite a few good ones. He is just the type of guy willing to do anything and try any new role. This is basically just another new role he has tried and it worked very well.

Cage was really fucking good in this movie. It reminded me a bit about Mud, because it had a mysterious con man being the role model for some kids. Awkward enough, Tye Sheridan was the kid in Mud too. Also set in the south, 3 letter title about the main adult lead, and all that.

In fact, I think it’s better than Mud. There is more than just drama, but a lot of heartfelt scenes, and some surprising action too. This movie doesn’t hold your hand to explain every little thing. It is just really fucking good.

So there you go, for the first time in a long time, a really highly rated Cage movie.