Tag: Tom Hardy

The hype surrounding Dunkirk has lasted a little bit over a year. A historical war movie from Christopher Nolan? A war film on IMAX or 70mm screens!

Bombs and sadness!

Because the real life Dunkirk really fucking sucked. A whole lot of Allied soldiers in World War II were surrounded. It was one of the major setbacks of the war and could have lost the entire war if things didn’t slightly work out.

But I am getting ahead of myself. Let’s talk about some war things.

Tightly packed, little soldiers, just trying to get home.

War. War never changes. Except for World War 1. That changed a whole lot of things. The number of soldiers to die in this war was far higher than any war before it. They had less swords and horses, instead focusing on technology could kill. And it in World War II, that technology could now fly, dive under water, bomb, and more.

And in the city of Dunkirk, France, the allies were completely fucked. The French and British forces were surrounded on all land sides by the Germans. The sides without Germans had water. Sure, on the other side of that water was Great Britain, but it was far away.

The soldiers could only bunker down and hope they could get rescued, because every day the enemy came closer and took out more of their supplies. But even the water wasn’t safe. The Germans had U-Boats, and of course planes dropping bombs. Soldiers just wanted to get home. If the armies were wiped out, the Allies would have lost the war and there would not have been a second chance to come back and take over.

So how are they going to rescue so many soldiers? And how many aren’t going to make it? Well, either way, people are not getting out of there happy.

Featuring three main plot lines, and a lot of dudes mostly. Aneurin Barnard, Barry Keoghan, Cillian Murphy, Damien Bonnard, Fionn Whitehead, Harry Styles, Jack Lowden, James D’Arcy, Mark Rylance, Tom Glynn-Carney, Tom Hardy, Will Attenborough, and Kenneth Branagh.

French? British? Doesn’t matter. Basically everyone there was whiter than the sand though.

Dunkirk has potentially been one of the more hyped films of 2017. More than the superhero movies, more than whatever Leo DiCaprio might find himself in, more than the return of the NFL (probably not true). It is a summer blockbuster, that is Nolan directed, and probably headed straight for several Oscar nominations despite not waiting until the end of the year.

And yet, here we are, I am giving it a 2 out of 4.

First of all, I will openly acknowledge it is technically a wonderful work of art. The camera use, the cinematography, the explosions and a bit of the thrill.

But the biggest issues I heard about it ahead of time that I blew off came full force and hit me hard. The story just was weak. It relied entirely on tense sequences and not knowing how the different plot liens interacted to build the entire story. It was a good idea for a story, but the big story elements were mostly missing.

It took me weeks to write this review, partly because of how daunting writing the plot summary portion would be. For example (and probably realistically so), we barely hear character names. I remember only one or two after the film, everyone else is just a soldier or citizen doing their best. The rescue is the story, but the rescue is only so strong.

The other reason it took me awhile is because it just took so long to figure out my feelings behind it. I went in expecting a 4 out of 4, figured it would be a 3 out of 4, but then realized that to me it ends up being just a bit more mediocre in the long run. I am shocked, I am confused, and I really just wanted something much, much more.

Leonardo DiCaprio doesn’t have an Oscar. Everyone knows that. The internet won’t let you or anyone forget. He tried so hard with The Wolf of Wall Street. There was the incredibly long and well acted scene where he was on Ludes that was hysterical and just so damn good that it elevated his chances to win.

But he didn’t, and rightfully so. Chiwetel was the bomb. So what does a Leo have to do? Well, he found out that people love really physical performances. Just ask Eddie Redmayne, who won last year. So he will go and give a really physical performance. Easy, no problem, he is a professional actor, he can pretend to do anything. However, he needs help.

So he turns to the man with a plan, Alejandro González Iñárritu. He is fresh off his own Best Picture win with Birdman, and he wants to repeat. So two powerhouses coming together. What could go horribly amazing? Hopefully everything.

Acting.

Hugh Glass (Leonardo DiCaprio) is a real person! In the early 1800s, he was a fur trapper and explorer. Here is his wiki. This movie is based on a very important part of his life. It is also super very different, because in movies, we need cool shit to happen.

Either way, he is the lead scout for a group who are about to head back home after a long few months. And of course they get attacked by some local Native Americans. Who knows the reason? Could be because they are hunting on the land, could be because they desecrated something, could be out of boredom. But there are more of them with really well aimed arrows, so a handful of them are able to escape by boat down the river. They saved some of the furs, but not all of them, meaning they won’t get paid as well as they thought when they return home. Worse news is that according to Glass, that same tribe owns the river, so they will probably lay an ambush for them soon. They have to get off the boat down river, hide the furs, and hike back to civilization on foot. Maybe with a large army they can return and hopefully get the fur back.

The captain, Andrew Henry (Domhnall Gleeson) agrees with the plan, but it angers a few of the crew, namely John Fitzgerald (Tom Hardy) who wants to get paid for all his hard work.

Fast forward a bit, and holy shit, Glass gets fucked up by a Mama Bear (Editor’s Note: He doesn’t get fucked though. Just fucked up) and has injuries all over. The crew would carry him back, but they are on mountains and it just can’t be done when they are on the run. So a few men volunteer to stay back until he either dies or gets better. Hawk (Forrest Goodluck), his son, Jim Bridger (Will Poulter), a young dumb trapper, and of course, Fitzgerald. He did it for the bonus money.

But when Glass is eventually left for dead anyways, he is encouraged to get over his almost carcass of a body. He is determined to ignore the biting cold and hunger. He needs to travel on his own a really long ass way, surviving the weather, river, animals and people trying to kill him along the way. Just so he can get revenge. Just so he can get closure.

Also starring Melaw Nakehk’o and another guy, who isn’t on IMDB, but totally important as he is the leader of the Native American tribe.

You can’t tell by this picture, but you will also see lush bears and hear even lusher accents.

This film is so beautiful. In every single way. Words can’t describe it well. Ohhh nooo. But I will still try today.

In case you are curious, no The Revenant is not one long continuous shot. Are you kidding me, it is 2.5 hours. This isn’t Victoria. However there are quite a lot of longer scenes in this film, definitely longer than normal. It works wonderful, especially during the skirmishes, which allow us to see all aspects happening as they occur, while also gracing us with the beautiful scenery that makes up this winter mountain side. Did I mention beautiful? I think I did.

Now onto the acting. HOLY SHIT LEO. WHAT ARE YOU DOING. He gave it all, more than his 100%. At least 105%, which is technically impossible. Impossible is probably what he thought his chances are at winning an Oscar, which is why he put so much dang effort into it. This thing was relentless. The bear attack was a CGI bear, but she was amazing and it didn’t look fake at all. The bear should get nominated for Best Supporting Actress (it is a weak year). Back to Leo, his groans and moans and crawling were everything I could hope for and more.

Technically he didn’t have many words to say. He was often alone, or just physically couldn’t due to injuries. Half of the speech he did have were in a native language. I kind of hope he doesn’t win Best Actor, not because I think someone has acted better (at least, not in films I have seen), but I want to see him top this. If he doesn’t win from this, he will have to try harder right? What kind of future movies could we have where DiCaprio constantly elevates his game, always looking for that highest honor?

No, that sounds mean.

I like to imagine this as all one glorious beard.

Speaking of Acting, Tom Hardy has had a fantastic year. He was great in Mad Max: Fury Road and the only good part(s) of Legend, and here again he is amazing. None of his roles were similar, they all had different voices and mannerisms. His bumpkin drawl was captivating, despite a bit of a struggle just to understand what he was saying sometimes. This is another role I expect to be nominated for Best Supporting Actor, but I still think Benicio Del Toro gets it for Sicario.

Either way, if you don’t see The Revenant on the big screen, you are missing out. It needs to be big to appreciate it that much more. Doesn’t mean I won’t buy it, but fuck, it’s so pretty. Maybe my film of the year.

What makes a Legend? Is it their walk, their background, their story, their Will Smithy-ness?

Or does it involve being a bad ass mofo mobster, enough that one day someone will make a movie about you?

Like, Whitey, he was bad ass, and Johnny Depp played him in Black Mass.

Is your Legend-ness downplayed if you have to share the spotlight with a partner? Obviously it is easier to become famous if you are a duo act, instead of a solo act. And in Legend, our criminals are real life twins. Which means we get one actor playing two people, which is probably one of my favorite things ever in movies. One of those things you just can’t do in a play.

However this picture makes it look like a bad romcom.

Ronald Kray (Tom Hardy) and Reggie Kray (Tom Hardy) are twins and gangsters and running this small town of London. Well, soon. Ronald just got released from a mental hospital, because a psychiatrist said he was sane after some arm twisting, but he is very messed up. He was some level of schizophrenic, and openly homosexual. He liked the truth. He also wore glasses, which is helpful for telling them apart early on. Reggie, no glasses, wasn’t insane, but still a gangster. He just had a good head on his shoulders, could think things through and wanted to maybe, eventually, go clean.

This story, narrated by Frances Shea (Emily Browning), tells of their rise to actually control the London underground, their falling aparts, their separate arrests, and what finally brought them down to justice. Oh, and she is totally dating Reggie, of course. Because he is the cute one.

Nipper Read (Christopher Eccleston) is the main constable trying to bring him down (and Joshua Hill is his side constable). Adam Fogerty plays their muscle, Shane Attwooll some competition, David Thewlis their business partner, and Taron Egerton one of the gay lovers of Ronald.

No, don’t cry Emily. Yes you have to kiss a killer Tom Hardy. But at least he isn’t wearing a mask.

If there is one reason I am glad to be writing this review, it is that Legend will serve as a great example for future movie reviews. For quite a few films, I have seen great acting in overall mediocre films, which is sad. But rarely do you see great acting in actually bad movies.

Hardy. Is. Excellent. Twice! The brothers are very unique individuals, they talk differently, they have different mannerisms, and one even wears glasses. I actually hard a hard time believing that Hardy was playing Twins because they started to look nothing alike in my eyes. It is such an amazing show being put on him, especially as he seamlessly argues and fights with himself. This isn’t a dumb Parent Trap situation. This is great fucking shit. I will admit I found them hard to understand 70% of the time and would have loved subtitles, but I will take that as my own fault.

The rest of the film falters, and it does so big time. It is too long, over two hours and seemingly drags. I was sitting in the theater just wondering when they would finally mess up and get caught. Hurry up and lose. The narration from Browning felt unattached from the rest of the film and mostly unnecessary. Giving it from her perspective made it feel Romance instead of a Crime/Drama. And I have to mention the music, which I basically never do in a review. The score sounded as if it was taken from a soap opera or an extremely older film. Jazz is one thing, but the music was always painfully obvious and distracting, never helping the scenes out.

This is bad that the acting from Hardy was so good but the rest of the film is meh. Most of you will watch this movie, solely for the fact that Hardy is in it. And you know what? Do that. Watch that man do his best. Watch him work. And then forget the rest.

Day 5 of Yay Women Week! Wait, what. This is about MAD MAX. And how FURY the ROAD is. That doesn’t sound go power women ya ya ya at all. But hey, what do you know. You probably haven’t even seen it yet.

After all, early reports about Mad Max: Fury Road is that it actually passes the Bechdel test. So take that haters. Let’s say it fits the theme.

I admit my experience with Mad Max is slim to none. I haven’t been able to see any of the previous three movies (and apparently they don’t matter to this one either).

No, my experience with the franchise are the obvious pop culture quotes, and the NES video game. It involved driving around a barren landscape, looking for gas I think, and getting shot at by cars. In reality, it was about me playing it for like, a minute and dying and stopping. That game was hard.

“Calm down, viewer! Now’s not the time for fear. That comes later.”

Max (Tom Hardy) is pretty crazy. Mad you might say. A loner, roaming the Australian barren plains on his own just trying to survive. He lost everyone close to him. His only care in the world is his survival. You see, the world sucks now. Oil became scarce. Wars, environment, all of that collapsed society. Shit, even water is hard to find.

But you don’t need to know a lot about Max. You just need to know that he has been captured by King Immortan Joe (Hugh Keays-Byrne) and his army of skin head pale War Boys. He has his own huge water supply, so he rules the world. The only reason Max is able to escape is thanks to Imperator Furiosa (Charlize Theron). She has decided to do the right thing and smuggle the Five Wives (Zoe Kravitz, Riley Keough, Abbey Lee, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, Courtney Eaton) away from Joe, who wants to breed future war leaders.

And that’s all you need to know! Women get stolen, Max and Furiosa on the run throughout a wasteland, trying to get the ladies and themselves to safety. On their tail is several large war bands, with guns, flame throwers, bombs, and crazed thugs who are basically all suicide bombers. Here you might find some high octane dudes, like, Nicholas Hoult, Josh Heman, and Nathan Jones.

Metal as fuck.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck. The hype train is real. The. Hype. Is. Real.

I didn’t believe it and I didn’t want to believe it. This was my second choice to see this week after Pitch Perfect 2, and if I didn’t go to a screening I would have waited until DVD release. But I am glad I saw it on a giant screen. It helped blow my mind. Here is the thing. The acting? It is pretty darn good. Hardy and Theron were excellent as always and they were completely believable in their roles. Hoult was like an entirely different person and I would have never expected him to do so much. And hell, some of the actresses I saw associated with the film, namely the Five Wives, I felt very questionable towards but even they did a good job. It turns out that with a majority of our escape party being women, this actually fits the theme pretty well.

The plot also is a very decent one. Miller does a fantastic job at world building and creating so many unique elements to really make you realize how much effort went into this movie.

And the action. Hot damn. Most of the action of course takes place on dusty roads with armored dudes chasing each other on cars, but it doesn’t ever feel repetitive. The final chase/action sequence goes on for so long, it is probably longer than the final train scene in The Lone Ranger. And it just keeps on coming at you. Action, explosions, fighting, great choreography. I was amazed. Don’t worry, the film isn’t 100% action, there are quieter times. So let’s just say 85% action. When the action is going, it is going to 11.

I can’t even describe that enough. This is so far the best action movie of the year and one of the best of the last few years. I would say in terms of pure action, The Raid 2 is better, but in terms of extreme brutal violence, Mad Max: Fury Road is miles ahead of the competition. Man, all this bro talk, I feel like the dudes on Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle. I’m gonna go listen to Wilson Phillips.

Locke came out a few weeks ago but something about the title or the dvd cover just bugged me. Based on name and cover alone, I figured it was some sort of slow crime movie. Had to push it back. Too much energy to appreciate a slow crime movie.

The reason I finally decided to give it a shot is because I saw The Drop, and gosh darn it, Tom Hardy just keeps impressing me with the roles he has produced. He isn’t just some guy who can bulk up and do action scenes. He is an actor, so I want to see the man act.

Well, it turns out this movie is much better defined as drama. Not drama crime, not drama thriller, just straight up dramatics.

“Hell, I’d watch Tom Hardy just driving a car and talking on the phone.” – Locke’s director

Ivan Locke (Tom Hardy) is a construction foreman who lives and works about 90 minutes outside of London. It is late, another hard days of work, prepping for a huge cement pour job the next day. The biggest in all of England really. A lot of things can go wrong and he is one of the most qualified men to handle it.

You see, Ivan is a hard worker. He has been doing this job for a nearly a decade, he is reliable, a nice guy, a stand up citizen, someone who could do no wrong. His wife and son are waiting for him at home to watch a football match. But as he leaves work, he is heading for London, not for home.

You see, Ivan had a moment of weakness. Seven months ago he had a sexual relationship with a woman. It was incredibly uncharacteristic of him, but it happened. Even though he barely knows her, she is in London now undergoing a premature birth. So now he is trying to make things right. He is going to be with her and see the birth of his baby.

During this time, he had to email that he won’t be in at work tomorrow, one of the most important days. He has to call his wife and tell her of what is going on. He has to call the hospital as the woman is all alone and has no one else to talk to but him. And he has to help the work operation go off without a hitch with a lot of bosses getting mad at him.

The other characters are voiced by Olivia Colman, Ruth Wilson, Andrew Scott, Ben Daniels, and Tom Holland. But you know, we only get one face.

You will get no diversity in pictures from this movie. NONE.

At least from my point of view, Locke was everything that Cosmopolis wanted to be and more. Cosmopolis felt like a weird fantasy film thriller thing, with a lot of it taking place in a limo. It suffered from vagueness despite the good ending.

Locke takes out any vagueness and lays everything bare on the table in front of you, like one of those Nantaimori models.

Technically a type of bottle movie, but also a sort of one man show. Other movies like Buried or Brake feature one man as well, but those men are literally trapped in boxes versus Locke where he is trapped in a sort of moral quandary. The character Locke is very clear with his convictions and unwavering with his goals, and you can’t help to respect that despite his dickish act of betrayal.

It is hard to feel so attached to a character normally, but when truly watching this film you will feel like a silent passenger in the car with him. It is an extremely morally resonant film and one where you won’t necessarily know how to feel by the end.

Of all the movies coming out this week, The Drop was the one I was most excited for (Outside of Atlas Shrugged: Who Is John Galt? but who knows when I will get to see that one!). Mostly because I didn’t have to see a trailer for it at all. Not a once. I got to go in mostly blind and just see what kind of story it would give me.

Exciting! All I knew was the main actors, setting, and some sort of thriller maybe.

So, to make sure no one gets to experience it like me, let me tell you about the plot and stuff!

It also features some guy who you might really want to see in movies before it is too late.

“Ain’t sayin’ no names or nuttin.”

Although they didn’t explicitly tell me the setting, I can almost guarantee this one takes place in Boston, in a drop bar. What is a drop bar? Well, a lot of illegal money changes hands in the city. Gambling, hookin’, drugs, you name it. Not the type of money you can just deposit without drawing questions from the tax man.

In order to keep the money safe, it is stored at a different bar every night, a huge network of them. Very few people know which bar will be before the day of and it is seemingly random. It helps prevent theft of that money and keeps the bars in check too.

This movie is about one of those bars, a drop of cash, and the people who work there. Namely, Bob (Tom Hardy) the kind and slightly slower bartender and his Cousin Marv (James Gandolfini), the owner/former owner.

It also features a neighborhood lady Nadia (Noomi Rapace), a kind of weird maybe ex (Matthias Schoenaerts), the mob (Michael Aronov), a detective on the case (John Ortiz) and a puppy. Yes, a damn puppy.

The puppy is of course secretly key to this whole damn thing.

This one was it. This is the last movie that James Gandolfini will ever appear in, as the only other thing with him in it not released is apparently a part in some never picked up pilot for Criminal Justice. And I think he went out on a good one. Enough Said was only okay, but The Drop? This is a good movie.

Speaking of actors in the movie we are talking about, what in the fuck Tom Hardy? His voice is so weird and unique in this movie. Once the opening narration started, I imagined it belonged to anyone but Tom’s character, but there you go. Whether it is accurate to the area, I don’t know (or give a fuck). It was interesting and it really seemed to work.

The story itself is a slow moving one and one that seems worth the wait. Arguably, the characters are all just so odd or weird on their own that even though it is not a comedy, the bizarness of the situation and accents kind of make it amusing. You know, in a darker or weird way.

Despite it wrapping up the story pretty nicely and being unique, I think I’d want some more of this setting. Fuck it. Give me a sequel.

But then again, in a year I might forget all about this movie. Hard to say. Yay Tom Hardy.

I am surprised at how little Lawless was talked about when it first hit theaters. They didn’t really give away any of the plot, but made it seem like a ganster/western movie of some sort, with some bad ass actors.

And you know, uhh, Shia LaBeouf.

Damn it Shia, what did I tell you about showing up in my movies?

Franklin County, Virgina, early 1900s, prohibition is a bitch. But thankfully this is the wettest county in the world and basically everyone is growing Moonshine, so much that even some gangsters from Chicago are getting their hands wet out here.

The Bondourant brothers are immortal, through legend and talk from their brother Forrest (Tom Hardy). He survived a flu that killed most people who got it, and his other brother Howard (Jason Clarke) was the only surviving member of his platoon in WW1. The youngest brother, Jack (LaBeouf) is the runt of the group and wants to join in on all of the activities but, you know, he is small.

He has big dreams though, and even worships the great gangster Floyd Banner (Gary Oldman), and is hoping to start his own moonshine batch with his weird friend Cricket (Dane DeHaan) who is at least good with tinkering.

Things are going great! That is until some DA Charlie Rakes (Guy Pearce) is brought in, from Chicago, to clean up this moonshine business in the area, even though the local cops don’t care. His style and aura is definitely not welcome, you know, because he wants to arrest them and maybe kill them.

Kill them? Yeah, life is brutal in this time period. People die, lots of people, and it is fucking gruesome. Most people would fear for their lives, you know, if they weren’t immortal (and missing a lot of their brain cells). All while this is going on, Jack is working on seducing a local Amish like chick (Mia Wasikowska) and a former dancer from Chicago is here to work at their restaurant (Jessica Chastain).

Basically a nice quiet life. But with lots of guns and violence.

Despite my best attempts to make the movie seem lame, it was a blast to see. Hardy and Clarke as the older brothers were both unique and brought a lot to their characters, especially Hardy. His low witted self always made me either chuckle or grimace based on what he was doing (or had done to him).

Gary Oldman is barely in this movie, but Guy Pearce definitely plays his own extremely unique character, so much that I couldn’t even remember what Guy Pearce actually looked and sounded like.

But Shia? Well he did a fine job too. Didn’t ruin the movie like I thought he would, but I am disappointed that he was the main character and not Forrest.

I think the movie could have been a bit shorter than what happened though, or even better, just less “down” scenes. The church scene was really odd, and I do’t know why they never really explained what the heck was going on there. There won’t be any sequels to the movie, as the entire story is told, which is a shame. I’d almost want to see more of Forrest and Howard when they were younger and just getting started.

The Dark Knight Rises has the pleasure and curse of being one of the top three anticipated movies of the year (along with The Avengers and The Hobbit).

As it is a straight up sequel, not a collaboration of movies like the Avengers, it almost has more pressure because it will be compared success and fail to The Dark Knight from 2008. Which you’ve seen right? And of course Batman Begins? If you haven’t then you are silly for wanting to see this movie or read this review. Watch the first two movies first, it matters.

What in the what, hey, you there. Stop that! You don’t belong in that safe.

Don’t worry, I wont spoil much. But here, let me set the scene.

The movie takes place eight years after The Dark Knight. Harvey Dent is celebrated as a hero, and Batman (Christian Bale) has taken the fall for his Two-Face badness. So at this point crime is way down. No masked vigilantes, no super humans running amuck. Commissioner Gordon (Gary Oldman) is being a commisioner, and thinking about letting the world really know.

Bruce Wayne is now a shut in, hurt leg, and doesn’t go out much, despite Alfred’s (Michael Caine) best attempts. Wayne Enterprises, still run by Lucious Fox (Morgan Freeman) isn’t poor, but isn’t making really any money anymore. Mostly sucks for all the orphanages and stuff that worked on his funding. A lot of money was tied into a sustainable energy project, brought on by an environmentalist Miranda Tate (Marion Cotillard).

But when a pseudo masked strong man, Bane (Tom Hardy) takes up residence in Gotham city, err, well why is he there? And why the heck is some chick (Anne Hathaway) stealing his jewels when he wants to just be a shut in? And what is with that shifty eyed cop, John Blake (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) with his notions of justice?

Bitches ain’t nothin’ but hoes and tricks.

Ughhh, I wish I was reviewing this in 2014 so I can say all the spoilers. Because yes, 2 years is enough time to allow it.

Performance wise, I loved both Catwoman and Bane. Anne Hathaway personally never disappoints me, and I think she won a lot of naysayers over. Bane was so diabolically creepy to me. Strong, and smart, the best of both worlds, he dismantled all of Gotham and his voice and eyes were just so full of emotion to me. I almost found myself on his side, due to his weird form of Charisma.

Also, fucking Michael Caine. Every time he spoke, you listened. Powerful performance from him.

I think the story still may have been a bit too long. I think early on a few scenes dragged on a bit too long, but I understand the necessity of it all.

I’ve heard people note that there isn’t enough “Batman” in the batman movie. Instead, it felt like a lot more Gotham centric movie, and I loved the attention that went to all the different players. Maybe a bit too much time for Joseph Gordon-Levitt, but hey.

I think I need to say powerful again, because there are a lot of powerful moments. I almost teared up twice, and actually did once again. I like that the expected ending wasn’t what actually occurred. Unfortunately, my comic based activities and hearing rumors gave me a specific mind set going into the film. I kept forcing plot points to go to my mindset instead of how they were presented, and fuck me, I was right.

From Fear, to Chaos, to Pain, I think the trilogy as a whole will be celebrated for its “Realism” in terms of a comic book movie, and great attention to detail, along with the social implications of it all. Whether or not this is what the people who grew up during the late 70s felt when Star Wars was being released, I don’t know, but it probably will be one of the closest relatable feelings I have to something like that.

SPY MOVIES.

But this is not your James Bond type of Spy Movie. This is the more subtle, information based spy movie. Of course more secret government organizations. But it is also British, and with other European people. As a hardcore American, that is a negative to me. Because we are the best.

But honestly, I knew absolutely nothing about Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy before I watched it, just that it was probably a book.

Reading is sooooo European.

The movie begins with Jim Prideaux (Mark Strong) sent to Hungary by the head of the Circus (British Intelligence nickname?) (John Hurt) to meet a native to buy secrets! Too bad he gets shot and captured though. That is not the plan, so the head gets canned, and his aide, George Smiley (Gary Oldman) get into forced retirement, and the head dies soon after from being old.

They get replaced by Tinker (Toby Jones) and his new right hand man, Tailor (Colin Firth) and also Soldier (Ciaran Hinds) and Poorman (David Dencik ) also move up the ranks. Bet you thought that last code name would be Spy? Yeah, what teases. Spy would also be a poor code name.

Speaking of poor nicknames, they move up the ranks due to Witchcraft! Russian secret intelligence they have found and traded to the Americans for even more intelligence. Smiley is brought back out of retirement from Ricki Tarr (Tom Hardy), as there are reports of a mole in the British government, someone who has been there for quite some time.

He has obvious suspects, but starts with those who left around the same time as him and works his way inward. He gets a team of people, including someone played by Benedict Cumberbatch, to do some secret espionage stuff to find out who the mole is, and if the initial outing of Smiley and others was all part of someones plan.

Other secrets to find out! Just what the mole was doing, the true purpose of the Hungary visit, and how jerky some peopl can be.

LOOK AT HIM. Not even an unrelated caption. Just do it.

In other news, this is efinitely not a movie I could watch again and again. It is a slower pace, obviously, and strictly feels like a very tame game of chess. The actors involved all do wonderful jobs, but personally I didn’t see a need to give Gary Oldman more props than the rest of the cast (Nominated for Best Actor for the film). When everyone does a fine job, I just find it harder to praise a single person.

However the plot I never really seemed to care for. Couldn’t relate to older British intelligence officers, go figure. I was just hoping the American’s wouldn’t get screwed over or made seem stupid in the movie. And well, it kind of happened. Whoops.

Decent movie, but just not my kind of film.

I’d like to think that they made This Means War after the successes of Knight and Day and Killers, the former that I love, the later that I don’t ever want to see. I mean, Spies and love seemed to have work. So why not actually make it spies competing for love?

It’s like lets take all the action from those movies, and turn it into zany hijinks to learn secrets about a woman and win her heart?

This is the kind of stuff that encourage people to stalk their loved ones.

Lauren (Reese Witherspoon) is just a girl, who does product testing for a living in a city where she is alone except for one of her good friends (Chelsea Handler). She has relationship problems, because she moved there to be with her ex, who ended up cheating on her. So she dumped him. But she is all alone now! And the ex is totally getting married to the woman who was the cheatee. Damn.

Tuck (Tom Hardy) and FDR (Chris Pine) are CIA operatives who are a bit too reckless, so they get grounded for a bit. Finding themselves with a lot of free time, they go back on the market. Tuck, while being British, also has a young son, and an ex wife (who didn’t like all of his travel as a “Travel Agent”), decides to join a dating website where he meets Lauren. FDR, a ladies man, ends up meeting Lauren at a movie rental place (those exist?) and she doesn’t like him at first, but has to go on a date with him just because he is persistent.

Little do they know they are now pursuing the same girl, so they lay some ground rules. No letting her know their real identities (a given), that they know each other, and definitely no sex, not until she has picked. But they also have to do some CIA things, like stop some Heinrich (Til Schweiger) guy that only kind of matters to the plot. Mostly at the end to fuck things up.

Speaking of fuck things up, Lauren ends up liking both guys, and vice versa, who saw that coming? Her friend encourages her to date both, but when she still can’t decide, the tiebreaker has to go down to the “Fuck test”. Ruh roh. Their job is effected, loss of friends, loss of trust, spy problems, etc. In other news, I wish this was a Warhammer game, because the title could have been more epic.

This. Means. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

That joke is for a very specific kind of nerd.

Here is where I say there was good and bad parts of the movie, overall just making it okay. I liked the plot actually, but thought it ended lame. I didn’t think there was much chemistry between either couple, although the guys felt like friends for most of the movie.

I didn’t like the force villain approach either. Makes since for them to have to do actually do a job eventually, but eh, if they were grounded, the whole movie could have just been them doing spy things to spy on the girl, and interfere with each others dates. Actual action every once in awhile just felt weird.

None of the performances are too great either. Just okay.