Tag: Tom Arnold

I got very excited about watching Pulling Strings in theaters. Why? Because I had no idea what the movie was about. Zero. Never heard of it. But there it was, just a movie, screening in front of a boy, asking him to love it.

Mostly because I was the only one in the theater. Looks like no one else heard of it either. I was even more excited when I found out it was not rated. What hijinks might this movie provide? Sex on sex? Drugs on sex on crime? Who knows.

Wait. Or it could just be foreign. They don’t rate those movies always. If so, it’s probably just PG or something. Lame.

Foreignness confirmed.

Alejandro (Jaime Camil) is the lead singer of a mariachi band in Mexico City, Mexico. There are a lot of mariachi bands there, but he is the best singer, so really no competition at all. He used to write a lot of original songs too. Until, the incident.

This is actually a real incident, his wife died. Very sad. Now he is a single father, and he is failing at it. Because he works at night, the catholic church school feel like he is being a bad influence on his daughter. He is also in debt to some bad people. So he wants to send her away to her grandparents in Arizona, he just has to get a visa first. Well Rachel (Laura Ramsey) ain’t having none of his shit. He has none of the required forms, no stable income, a non official lease for his house. Nothing. No visa. She barely even looks at him or listens to him.

Speaking of Rachel, she is totally getting transferred to London, but her mother (Stockard Channing) disapproves and wants her to come home. The mom character annoys the piss out of me this movie, even though I think they were going for sympathetic, so I am done talking about her.

Anyways, she gets super drunk at her going away party (which Alejandro performs at), tries to sleep on a bus station, but Alejandro won’t allow that. She won’t tell him her address, because she doesn’t want to go home drunk to her mom, so he just takes her to his house. But she freaks out the next morning when she can’t find a laptop from her boss (Tom Arnold), which has important government data on it. Alejandro finds it in his house, but decides to lead her on a multi day ruse first, where he helps her find it through the back alleys of Mexico, with “scary people” just played by his friends. This will show him as dependable, hard working, smart, and get him that visa! He is …pulling her strings, and also pulls strings on his guitar. Get it?

Alejandro’s best friend comes along for the ride (Omar Chaparro), and also Rachel’s best friend every once in awhile (Catherine Papile).

All in the sexiest van known to man. What an adventure this will be!

For those wondering, this movie is not 100% Spanish. Heck no, we got at least four American characters in here, and they are all embassy people or mothers, so when they interact, all English baby. Also, Rachel doesn’t know Spanish fluently, so she mostly speaks in English to Alejandro. So there is that.

And because we are dealing with a mariachi singer, we totally get a lot of mariachi music. And shit, that Jaime Camil guy can really sing. They gave us subtitles during that part, but I chose to ignore them, because reading lyrics is stupid. I just wanted to feel the music, and the music felt good.

Like any romance movie, this one is based off of lies. They will fall in love, but when she finds out he was lying for two days, she won’t like that. We do get other cliches, we even get the rush to the airport to stop her one. Thankfully, the cliches it seems to openly acknowledge, so we end up getting changes from the norm at the same time.

Overall, I thought this was a really cute movie. It had music, it had a budding romance, it had comedy, and it had a cute ending. 100% of the people in the theater with my agreed with this rating.

I am pretty sure I heard about Hit and Run first from Dax Shepard and Kristen Bell. Do you know them? They have been a couple for a few years, since they met on When In Rome. Both very delightful people that make me laugh. Well they wanted to do a movie together, damn it, where they can be in love on screen too!

Fun, face punching, bloody love.

Annie (Bell) and Charles Bronson (Shepard) are living in the middle of no where California. They have been dating for a year, but they really do love each other so much. Heck, Annie has a PhD in Conflict Resolution. What? Yeah. But she is teaching dumb sociology because she can’t run her own program anywhere. Until now. Her boss (Kristin Chenoweth) has to make some cuts to the department, and she is too awesome for them. Luckily, she set her up with an interview at UCLA, to run her own program there and have a real job with real monies!

The only problem is the city. LA. Turns out Mr. Bronson is in the witness protection program, and yes, he is from LA. That is literally the worst possible city to have the job at.

But he doesn’t care. Screw it, he will drive her to the interview himself. It has been four years for him, it shouldn’t matter at this point. She knows he is in witness protection, so even if his secrets come up, she should accept it right? Nope. Not if he used to be the getaway driver for his bank robbing friends (Bradley Cooper, Joy Bryant, Ryan Hansen).

Unfortunately during this routine trip to LA for an interview, Annie’s ex boyfriend (Michael Rosenbaum) gets a bit jealous, always has been, and actually figures out his real identity through his cop brother (Jess Rowland) checking up his old car’s plates. So course he contacts his old buddies, who he ratted out and are now free (technicalities), causing a race to LA with lots of guns and crazy chase scenes. Not to mention the Marshall assigned to check in on Charles (Tom Arnold) going along for the ride as well.

Oh no, looks like the find them and have an uncomfortable sex talk scene!

Hooo boy. This movie ended up actually having a lot more car driving chase scenes than I thought. Nothing to the level of Fast and the Furious craziness, of course. No, those people use NAS and stuff. Just straight up old school racing is what it felt like, with a soundtrack to match. They were thankfully exciting.

I also need to give a lot of props to Tom Arnold, he hasn’t been doing as well on the humor, being mostly a spaz in all of his recent roles. Well, it is true for this one too, but it works really well for once.

I was annoyed every once in awhile, I thought Bell’s character didn’t make that much sense, based off of her background. I don’t think anyone would actually assume someone was lying to them by not telling them about their witness protection circumstances. Probably laws about that stuff! But I found it pretty funny, with some nice chase scenes. Some over the top, unbelievable characters too. The ending wasn’t my favorite, just felt a bit weird. But hey, most of it was awesome!

I’ve finally done it. But my money where my mouth is.

I can make a claim, “sure I will watch anything”, and prove it by watching a bunch of shit you’ve never heard of. Hell, half those movies could be fake for all you really know. A huge conspiracy!

But what about things that are often considered very bad, that everyone knows about. Stuff that takes me out of my comfort zone, and in uncharted waters? Yeah, that is really what you want to see.

Well I have actually tried to watch a Madea movie before, Madea’s Big Happy Family. But halfway through, I realized I still had no idea what was going on and just turned it off. I rarely stop movies. So with Madea’s Witness Protection, it was time for try two. And I would watch it in a theater so I couldn’t just shut it off without getting arrested.

My only actual Tyler Perry knowledge is what South Park has told me. Apparently black people can’t help but give him money!

George Needleman (Eugene Levy) finds himself quickly in a pile of shit. Sure, he is ‘happily married’ to his second wife (Denise Richards), has a daughter from the previous marriage (Danielle Campbell) and a boy from his current (Devan Leos), but his job is about to make things a lot more difficult. From an accountant to CFO, he was placed ahead of a charity department of a company, and clearly under qualified. Turns out it was intentional, because through the charities they were doing that ponzi scheme stuff. His boss (Tom Arnold) set him up as a fall man in case they ever got caught, and guess what, they did!

Turns out the local mobsters also were heavily involved, and don’t want George ratting them out (Even if he knows nothing). Shit violence. Well it turns out George is more than willing to cooperate as long as he and his family, including his delirious mother (Doris Roberts) are protected.

Agent Joe (Tyler Perry) who has to quickly find a place for them to stay ends up convincing his aunt Madea (Tyler Perry) and father Brian (Tyler Perry) to take them in, for the cool cost of $4,000 a month. He just didn’t tell them they were white people. Oh man!

Awkward shenanigans and racial stereotypes occur, along with the plot of a local man Jake (Romeo), who invested all of their churches money in the company and now find that they are probably going to lose the church. That would be, uhh…bad?

Everyone quick, look at Eugene Levy dressed like a fake frenchman. Look at him.

So this movie has a lot of hate (probably mostly the series of movies not this one in particular), but is it justified? Well I guess its a comedy, lets look at the jokes! A lot of easy jokes are made in the movie. Unreasonable social awkward person going through TSA and being on a plane for their first time. That stuff isn’t new at all. Differences between white people and black people, poor people and rich people, and real family values. Ehh. Man in a dress? Happens a lot.

I did laugh at a few scenes, mostly at the absurdity of it them, but it was mostly a silent reaction movie from me.

In fact, it took me awhile to realize, but a lot of the film began to feel unnerving. I couldn’t put my finger on it, until about halfway through, but I realized that the conversations never felt real. There was always just a little bit extra pause before the next person talked. Not sure if that was for a quick audience guffaw or what, but it felt like everyone was alone. This just seems like bad splicing probably, since they could have shortened a lot of that downtime. And yes, obviously, when Tyler Perry talked to Tyler Perry, he didn’t have Tyler Perry to talk to, but seriously, could have been edited better.

Also the ending? Total crap ending. Everything wraps up quickly and magically, and an extremely illegal act goes overlooked. Fuck any morals.

The Pool Boys is a low budget attempt to provide, well, nothing. First look makes it seem like it wants to be a National Lampoon movie, selling sex and comedy. Maybe some stoner jokes too! But this fails at the comedy and sex part as well. Relying on the situation they are in to sell everything, I guess.

Shenanigans!

The movie is about Brett Davern, as he is abotu to graduate from High School. He is going to Harvard, and got a pretty neat scholarship. Just requires a summer internship and interview before he fully gets it. Too bad his internship in DC turns out to be a bust, company is going under.

But no worries! His brother, Matthew Lillard, is an aquatic specialist of some sort. Yes, it is a lie, he is just a pool boy in Beverly Hills. The apartment they are staying at is getting fumigated for about a week or more, leaving them homeless. A client is out of the country for six weeks though, so boom, House.

They also bring Rachelle Lefevre, a neighbor, who turns out to be a prostitute. Whoops. Eventually a money scheme is grabbed out, to rent out the mansion to a lot of prostitutes, to get Harvard tuition should the scholarship fail.

Eventually things go wrong, but eventually are fixed. Yay happy endings. Pedro from Napoleon Dynamite plays a neighbor gardener, and Tom Arnold plays himself. Just crazier.

Arnold is the only funny part of the movie really, and that is barely. Jokes don’t work, and it barely has nudity in to, which seems to be a bigger selling point of these kind of movies.

Hah. I can’t think of really anything else to say about this.

You know, the title of the movie is way to easy to joke. It is obviously asking for it. It can’t not be intentional. Good Dick? Gahh.

“Good dick? I know nothing of it. But give me a second and I will find something “great”, baby.”

Alright, so the beginning is a bit creepy. Main dude Jason Ritter is working at a video store. Clearly living the life. A girl comes in, Marianna Palka, rents some porn and leaves. He is INFATUATED with her. He uses the computer to find where she lives to accidentally run into her and ask about coffee. He lies about why he is there (aunt in the complex) and continues to try to ask her out.

She continues to say no. This continues up to a point where he lies about his aunt’s death and for sympathy she invites him in, but even has a knife just in case.

Just in case what? Rape. Holy shit, jokes aside, but Flynn from Tangled may be right! This guy is a creeper and that girl should stab him.

Somehow eventually he pseudo moves in. The girl clearly has no interest in him or sex with anyone, and is super weird. But for some reason this guy is super patient and relentless and doesn’t understand the meaning of no.

The rest of the movie is him trying to, more or less, erode her down like a river, until she likes him too. Also to try and figure out why she is so weird.

I refuse to google “Good Dick” to find a picture of this movie.

Tom Arnold also has a small role near the end, but is a pretty good one.

If you get past all of the weird creepiness, it is an interesting story. I think it tried to be real, but just felt like the opposite. If there is anything I have learned, it is that big romantic movie gestures just get the cops called in real life. But damn it, the ending is so interesting once you find it out! Ahhh. What a dick movie.

Restitution. I have hard time spelling that word sometimes. Not at all relevant to the movie, just figured I’d let you know.

This is a weird low budget movie.

Featuring all of the stars of yesterday! Mena Suvari, of American Beauty, and Tom Arnold, of Tom Arnold.

Is it just me, or does he always look confused nowadays?

The main character however is played by Mark Bierlein, who I am ashamed to give the IMDB for. But the dude is a writer, actor, and producer. He was an actor in this movie and Street Boss. He was a producer in this movie and Street Boss. He was also a producer, in this movie and Street Boss. At least he does what he loves, I guess?

At least his movies seem to be set in Michigan.

This movie was super low budget. Blood looked bad, and I cringed when I heard the potted plant crashing noise. Just a dumb sound effect. As for the story. Eh. Dude gets framed for murders at the beginning of the movie. A year later some other dude comes to investigate it for a book. Turns out lot of people in the town are in on the conspiracy, and more people die because of his search.

His neighbor is Tom Arnold. The other dude’s lover is Mena Suvari. And yeah.

I hated the ending. There was a lot of unexpected action scenes at the end, which felt stupid as well. The explanation for everything, I thought was dumb. But for reasons I can’t explain without spoilers. Most of the movie was slow too.

They were going for this big “Whoa! Twist!” stuff near the end, but really, just felt dumb. I will note that an actor in this movie is named Jimmy Doom. How awesome is that name?

He played the role of “Hillbilly”.