Tag: Romance

You know who we need more in our lives? Hugh Laurie. That is who you were going to say, right? After all, House M.D. ended a year ago, and he hasn’t been in many movies recently, outside of voice work. It is almost not fair!

Which is why when I heard about The Oranges I jumped immediately to the nearest rental place to give a go. I also immediately recognize people from Arrested Development, Gossip Girl, The O.C., The West Wing, and The Big C. That is a lot of show people in this movie!

Why so gloomy Alia? You upset that you don’t get cover treatment despite being the narrator? I understand those feels.

In New Jersey, we have two families, The Ostroffs and The Wallings (on Orange Drive!). They have lived across the street for some time, and their families are best of friends. David (Laurie) and Paige Walling (Catherine Keener), with their children Vanessa (Alia Shawket) and Toby (Adam Brody). Toby is successful and moved out, Vanessa is not yet successful and still living at home. She is also the narrator! At least she has that going for her.

Across the street are Carol (Allison Janney) and Terry Ostroff (Oliver Platt), the latter kind of obsessed with his best friend David. They have one daughter, Nina (Leighton Meester), who hasn’t been home in five years, off at college and partying everywhere. But one Thanksgiving, she returns, after having recently broken up with her long term boyfriend.

Well, instead of hooking up with Toby, like her mom strives hard for, she falls into someone else’s lab. David Walling! (Again, Hugh Laurie, the neighbor dad). Heyyy, that’s weird.

Shit quickly hits the fan clearly, once everyone finds out what is happening. Marriages get ruined, people hate each other, and Vanessa just feels incredibly awkward.

Yeah, so basically this is good clean inter-family fun.

I like that the relationship wasn’t some overly sexualized thing Sure, big age difference, known each other for over 20 years, many other issues, but it felt like they actually might have cared for each other.

Buuuuut outside of that, I thought the movie missed the mark completely. Even though the two characters just want to be happy, the movie goes about it in such a strange way, I don’t find myself caring about any of the characters. I also thought the ending was pretty bad, not a fan of really any of the conclusions.

It just isn’t that funny. Hard to say anything else about it. Hugh Laurie was okay. However, the movie is skippable.

2 out of 4.

If you frequent the internet, you will most likely hear about how rustled certain peoples jimmies are now that The Great Gatsby (Trailer) has been made into a movie. Again. For whatever reason, there is popular opinion that movies shouldn’t be made from popular novels, despite that is how its always been done.

People are also afraid of Baz Luhrmann. Okay, that is more understandable. Baz is a weird guy. Sometimes his films are too long. Sometimes they are just weird. But they can also be extraordinary.

So I will give it a shot. I know the imagery will be in your face, the music pumping, and probably a guy on a typewriter. The trailer features 2.5 minutes of in your face imagery and music, just to prepare you for this trip.

Ohh,, I forgot the fireworks. Fuck!Despite guessing that everyone had to read “The Great Gatsby” in high school, here is the plot in a nut shell.

Nick Carraway (Tobey Maguire) has moved to New York to be a stock broker, since his writing career has failed. He has a small shack next to many large mansions, and is neighbors with Jay Gatsby (Leonardo DiCaprio), but he is a recluse who know one really knows. Gatsby is a man of many secrets, but one of his biggest is his crush on Daisy Buchanan (Carey Mulligan), Nick’s cousin, and married to Tom (Joel Edgerton).

Aww snap. Tom is also unfaithful though, cheating on his wife with the wife (Isla Fisher) of a gas station attendant (Jason Clarke).

Basically, everyone in New York is an asshole and a liar. Except for Gatsby of course! Sure, his secrets involve him working with a man who fixed the 1919 World Series (Amitabh Bachchan), but at least he doesn’t hide who he is. Much. Alright, he is a liar too. Also featuring Elizabeth Debicki as Jordan Baker, a friend of the Buchanans and Gatsby, and might be the only other sane person after Nick.

Because who wears that much clothing in a club? Need to take stuff on, not add more layers. Just as expected, this movie was pretty crazy, in more ways than one! There are some minor changes from the book, to set up the story, but of course that isn’t really important.

Early in the movie, I was getting kind of sick of it all though. I was overwhelmed by too much, too soon, just like the beginning of Moulin Rouge!. But eventually in the story, the parties die down, and all of the problems with the characters come to the forefront hard and fast, and to me it is when this movie gets exceptional. From the first time Gatsby and Daisy meet in the present, to the discovery of all the lies, to the final conflict, The Great Gatsby provides a whirlwind of emotion. Well acted emotion at that.

I think everyone was on their A-game during the filming and despite already knowing the story, it seemed like I was being told the story from the first time.

So while not perfect, I definitely loved the second half. Everything seemed so genuine and real, despite the CGI heavy backgrounds. If there is one thing I could have less of, it would be the green light. Definitely over used in my eyes, but I could just be jealous of the green light. That and the phrase “old sport” which I hope to never hear again.

Although I know for certain this movie won’t be DiCaprio’s Oscar winner, he still was a fantastic Gatsby and brought the character great justice.

3 out of 4.

The Big Wedding. Oh goodness me.

The trailer tells the story pretty clear.

The filmmakers are a bunch of racists.

What? How did I get that out of the trailer? Well, the plot is about a family who adopted a kid, who is finally about to get married. His mom is coming to visit, but his adopted family is divorced, and she wouldn’t be able to understand that because she is super Catholic. So they just have to pretend to be married!

The trailer then shows off the giant cast and tells us who everyone is, except for said guy getting married. WHAT? So here’s to you, Ben Barnes. You get a spot up top, and the first picture.

But you have to share it with Amanda Seyfried, because these are my rules, damn it.

Ah shit, I just explained the plot in like, two sentences. Whoops. Well the good news is, the divorce wasn’t bad. Sure, Don (Robert De Niro) might have cheated on Elle (Diane Keaton), but they agreed it was for the best, still raised wonderful kids, and still loved each other. Sure, it was Elle’s best friend who did it too, Bebe (Susan Sarandon), and that they have been together for over a decade, but it isn’t weird.

But hey, Alejandro (Ben Barnes) isn’t the only child causing problems. They have two actual children of their own, Lyla (Katherine Heigl) and Jared (Topher Grace). The former, a lawyer in Chicago, going through a tough time with her long term boyfriend, hates her dad for cheating, and can’t have kids. Jared, a baby doctor, who is still a virgin to save himself from marriage, but totally willing to lose it should the right woman arrive.

Yeah, basically a giant shit storm. That isn’t the half of it. I just don’t want to spoil it all. Robin Williams plays the priest, because why not, and Ana Ayora gets naked. These are important things to note, because you know, it is rated R.

Rated R you say? Yeah, Robert does R rated films a lot! So that isn’t surprising. This isn’t your daddy’s wedding movie. Unless you are 2-3 years old, then it is likely that your dad is the target audience. Also, get off this website, there is fucking language and talk of naked ladies.

Here comes the shock of the century week. I enjoyed this movie. Like, a decent amount. I laughed, I loved the twists, it didn’t feel forced, and the chemistry between this giant group of actors was great. Shit, everyone seemed to be having such a great time with the movie, and weren’t disappointed to be stuck with some lame new movie about marriage. Obviously, yes, it looks like shit, but I think it has a lot of heart.

This isn’t the kind of movie I could watch again and again, but I am pleased with how it all turned out and think worth a gander. Well, depends on what a gander is. I think some sort of bird.

3 out of 4.

When I saw the trailer (I never saw this trailer) for Save The Date, I assumed that the stars were also the writers! It looked like an indie romance comedy that these comedy stars keep doing on a small budget (I based this on the poster only).

Lots of assumptions, but seriously, they are all very similar. Trust me.

But some other person wrote it! So uhh, maybe it will just be different and realistic?

We all know the real reason I watched this movie. Sup Alli?Sarah (Lizzy Caplan) is moving out of her apartment! Why? She is moving in with her long term boyfriend, Kevin (Geoffrey Arend). Yay relationships!

She never wants to get married, but hey, living together is fine. He is the lead singer in a small band. Sarah’s sister, Beth (Alison Brie) is a lot more secure in her life, and she is currently planning her wedding to Andrew (Martin Starr), the drummer of that same band! What a convenient way for everyone to be introduced quickly!

Despite everyone telling him not too, Kevin decides the best course of action is to propose to Sarah at the end of their last concert before going on a big tour, in front of all their friends and family! This doesn’t go the way he had planned it.

This causes a lot of strife in the group, obviously. But hey, Sarah warned him. She is also totally interested in this Jonathan (Mark Webber) guy at her work. He will do, he hates marriage too.

This leads to fighting amongst all people, sex, cheating, and maybe even a pregnancy. Yep, pretty realistic I’d say.

To be fair, this does look super realistic. Dat frizzle. When you watch a movie like this, you hope the acting is awesome, and it probably has really great dialogue. Well, the latter is generally true. The conversations felt real, the reactions felt real, no one was a silly stereotype. But the acting? Definitely not high on the Ben Affleck scale.

I actually enjoyed the plot and (I will say it again) realisticness of the whole movie, but the ending ruined it a bit for me. I don’t want to stereotype it and say the ending felt “artsy” and thus bad, but…other words really escape me. It’s a bullshit way to end a movie, and they should feel bad. I demand a complete story, not snapshots of random lives.

Someone who was working on this must have just got out of art school.

2 out of 4.

The Host is the first book turned movie story from Stephenie Meyer that does not feature vampires in it! Hooray! But how different will that story actually be?

I mean, this one is about aliens. And romance. I guess that fits the supernatural teen romance genre still, which is good for her audience. But this book was made in 2008 with no other novels behind it. It can’t turn into the next big romance teen drama for people to hate on (which is why I am not doing this for a milestone review). Hell, who knows if it even has romance in it?

Shit. But more importantly, why is the year added to the hashtag?

In this world/future, there was a secret war. An alien race had invaded, a race of parasites, that enter into the human body and then live out their lives. They act just like humans, just have that weird ass eye thing happening. Either way, they are non violent aliens, they have many planets. They just want to take over their hosts lives, improve on them, then move on to a new planet, that is all. How neat.

Sure, the Host’s spirit kind of dies. But whatever. Fuck those guys.

Well, there is only a few humans left in hidden communities and they want to fight back. Like Melanie (Saoirse Ronan) who is looking after her brother, Jamie (Chandler Canterbury) and falling in love with a new guy, Jared (Max Irons). But on their way to the new hide out (let by her Uncle Jeb (William Hurt)), she totally gets captured and made a host. Sucks to suck.

Well, her spirit doesn’t get back! She fights back, convinces the alien to not give up the location of the survivors to The Seeker (Diane Kruger), and go on the run! Yeah!

Well, when she gets to the compound, no one trusts her, obviously, but hey, eventually she finds love. Love that is different than Jared, a different guy, who loves the alien version of Melanie. Well thats nice.

Boyd Holbrook is Kyle, the new lover, and Jake Abel is Ian, and he hates all of this shit.

Just wait for it. If this turns into a big deal, girls will start getting contacts like this.

The best place to start is with the most famous actor here. William Hurt? Strange. Well, Jeb was cool. Southern big guy with a beard and gun. Can’t go wrong. Also a bit crazy.

Saoirse Ronan is kind of famous. I have only seen her before in Hanna, and well, Hanna actually sucked. Don’t believe the hype. Well, her acting was only “decent” in this film I guess. But when half of the movie is your facial expressions as you talk to the voice in your brain, you need to be more than decent.

Fuck all that noise though. There is VERY little that happens in this movie. There is about 2 action scenes, because the alien race is non violent. The Seeker just happens to be a bit crazy. It is almost entirely the love triangle created by two personalities in one body.

The alien wanted to make a big sacrifice at the end, but her plan didn’t make any sense. A surprise to no one, things work out well for everyone, and there is hope for the future.

Just like there is hope for a sequel. Which is being planned despite no book. You know what that means?

Well, I don’t. Can’t really have more love triangles. Wait, a sequel might be the human kind taking back their planet. Maybe…war? Maybe action? Maybe excitement. I don’t care, lets get the sequel rolling.

1 out of 4.

Supernatural Teen Romance is a genre now, in case you missed it. Yes, it existed before Twilight, but Twilight really made it take off in a big way. I think it even has its own sections in book stores now. Unfortunately, that means everything will then be compared to Twilight if it has supernatural romance in it, which is of course silly. Twilight is a straight up Drama Romance, while something like Warm Bodies is a Comedy Romance (but not a RomCom).

Beautiful Creatures seems to fall somewhere in between the two.

Don’t be so scared guy, it is just a witch dinner.

This film takes place in Gatlin, South Carolina, which means two things – Southern Accents, and the Bible Belt. This town is the location of a small civil war battle, but that is the only thing it has to its name, so the town celebrates the reenactment every year. Ethan Wate (Alden Ehrenreich) loves to read and learn, separating him from most of the locals. Of course when a girl from a recluse family moves back to town, they all assume she is a devil worshiper and bad news.

Ethan doesn’t care, she reads books too, so she is perfect. Who cares if Lena (Alice Englert) actually ends up being a witch? A witch who doesn’t know if she will be good or evil until her 16th birthday, you know, when all female witches have it chosen for them, based on their “True self”. Why just the women and not men? Not sure, sexism probably. Can he handle a woman with powers, and her family (Uncle = Jeremy Irons, Cousin = Emmy Rossum, and mother) forcing her in different directions?

Also featuring Thomas Mann as normal best friend, Emma Thompson as his super religious mother, and Viola Davis as his guardian/librarian friend. After all, a story needs normal people in as well, or else we have nothing to make fun of!

I think he looks like an older Eddie Munster. Does that add to the supernatural feel?

Beautiful Creatures is of course based on the novel, and from what I can tell, if you like the novel, you might hate this movie! Like all great book to film transitions, things change, and frankly I don’t care how different it is from the book, because I like what I saw.

The main two leads are relatively new to the movie scene and I haven’t seen them in anything personally, but I loved them both. Alden made me laugh almost every time he talked, and not just because of his strong accent combined with “smart people” words. Alice and Alden had great chemistry together, and despite being a quick teen romance, I found it believable.

The movie had its issues of course, sometimes it felt like it had B-movie special effects, and it definitely was predictable at parts. I am confused at why they cast Kyle Gallner as the brother, who looks far too much like Robert Pattinson. That is just asking for more Twilight comparisons.

More impressively, the “dinner scene” was done almost entirely without CGI, a rarity in movies these days, and pretty dang impressive in general. I say give it a chance, and try not to get lost in the paper thin religious towns people.

3 out of 4.

I…CAN’T THINK OF A GOOD INTRO FOR THIS MOVIE.
Blah blah, Nicholas Sparks, blah blah Valentine’s Day, blah blah, bow chicka bow wow.

Safe Haven.

Aww yeah. Kiss her. Right on the mouth. There you go. This is what we paid for.

Safe Haven of course opens with Katie (Julianne Hough) having her hands covered in blood. Wait, what? Okay, that is different.

She is running from the law, apparently. Dyes her hair blonde, gets on a bus to Atlanta, and barely makes it out in time. That detective Tierney (David Lyons) is super frustrated, probably because he just let a murderer or something go home free.

But on the way there, she decides to stop in the city of Southport, North Carolina, which is nothing like Boston. Yeah, that is a good place to hide away, small town, nice beach, everything is cheap there. In fact, getting a nice secluded house was also pretty dang easy, and a job. Well done, Katie. Well done. She only has one neighbor, the boring and seemingly needy Jo (Cobie Smulders) who always wants to hang out at Katie’s house and hook her up, while bitching about being stuck in NC.

Either way, she feels safe in this (I guess you could call it) haven that she has found, and starts getting a little bit interested in the local clerk Alex (Josh Duhamel). He has two young kids, had a wife, but she died of that cancer thing. Bad times. But his (uncle? Old friend who also works at the shop? Red West?) convinces him he too must move on, and they do that romance thing.

I’d say more, but that ruins the surprises.

Trying to figure out why the cop is a giant douche bag is half of the fun!

Real quick, two fun things.

One, this was filmed on location in Southport, NC. Basically every thing he said about it was true, down to their festivals. Even the phone area code, well done Sparky. But it isn’t too impressive, since he has filmed multiple films there already, even if not based in it.

Two, in terms of chemistry, Duhamel and Hough have got it. It seemed and felt real, unlike a few other movies I have seen of his. Like, high quality. They were great together.

The issues of the film come, as expected, from the plot and characters in it. I explained my frustration with Jo. Like, zero depth to her character, and she felt awkward the whole movie. I cared zero about Jo, just that she seemed weird.

The cop on her case, until we find out more, is just a drunk asshole, who keeps breaking the law to find her location. It doesn’t make sense early on, and gives us zero time to actually assume she did something wrong, because we are too busy hating the cop the entire film.

And lastly. HOLY FUCK THAT ENDING. NO. NO NO NO. NOOOOO. WHAT?! Come on Sparks. You were sailing. Good stuff was happening. Then you throw, THAT at us? Do you hate your fans? That ending is just, so bad. I wish I could tell you without feeling like an asshat. If you want spoilers, you can request them (and probably read a wiki outline or something on them faster).

Overall, I would say the majority of the story ended up being one of my favorite stories by Sparks, but uhh. Certain elements kind of kill it for me. Like a lot.

2 out of 4.

Ah, Valentine’s Day.

Does anything mean love and sadness more than Mr. Nicholas Sparks? Shit, he has written 14 books since 2000, and probably half of them have turned into feature films. He is just writing money at this point, and probably making sure his stories can be turned into film.

In honor of that, let’s talk about The Lucky One, shall we?

Strangely enough, I am fine with him playing a soldier. Go figure.

In the War (you know which war I mean), there are people who end up dying. Dying for any number of reasons. Friendly fire. Enemy fire. Bad conditions. Who knows! But with that same train of thought, people survive for just as random reasons. Marching a step too slow. Disobeying orders. Or finding something on the ground, putting it in the pocket, and having that get shot instead.

Private Logan Thibault (Zac Efron) (No, I don’t think he is a private but they didn’t tell me) is returning home from his third Iraq tour thanks to that very thing. He found a picture of a random woman in a small frame, and it saved his life. Heck, after it saved him, it also gave him extra luck in surviving other deadly things. He really loves this random woman, but has no idea who she is, but he wants to thank her. When he gets home, he is too busy getting his PTSD on to do any real work, so he sets off around the country to find that missing woman.

And he finds her! Of course! Beth (Taylor Schilling) works at a dog obedience house with her mother (Blythe Danner) while both raising her son. She used to have a brother, but you know, he died in the war. Awkward.

So of course he gets down there, and quickly tells her that she saved his life and he wants to thank her. Right? Hells to the no. He panics, and says he is there for the job opening. Oh okay yeah, work and live in a completely different state to eventually tell her your secret. That’s not weird at all. Many movies before have told us that keeping big secrets like this always ends up positively.

Also featuring Jay R. Ferguson as a town sheriff and father of her child. Weird.

“I want you here in front of me, always, and forever…to continue to stop bullets flying in my direction.”

How does this rank in the Sparks spectrum? Well, it ain’t no Notebook. But it is better than The Last Song. But it is about another guy in the army, Dear John did that like, two movies ago. Why army again? Not to mention the entirety of most of the plot is about his inability to tell her why he traveled all this way, instead of a long journey finding the woman who saved his life.

Seriously, if it focused more on finding the woman, this movie would have been a lot better. But I guess it wouldn’t be Romancey enough if she wasn’t there most of the movie? I guess. Romance made this movie worse. I demand someone make a similar movie, focusing on the journey and finding the woman, and then it ends awkwardly as he pulls up to her doorstep or something. That is what I want.

This just doesn’t seem like romance at all to me. Type of thing is so creepy, even I can see that it is creepy.

1 out of 4.

Warm Bodies, Warm Bodies.

Unfortunately, due to hearing that title said twice in a row, I really can’t stop doing it. It adds effect. It makes it creepy. I like creepy.

I kind of hate zombie based fan ficiton. More specifically, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies is a terrible book, seriously read it. It is P&P with another guy throwing in some zombie fight scenes and changing some words. But his writing style is so different than Jane Austin’s style that it is painfully obvious. But that was Zombies and Romance. How about Zombies WITH Romance?

You see the whole thing is a metaphor. A metaphor, for uhh, to be emo is to be dead.

R (Nicholas Hoult) is a zombie. Not much to talk else to mention about his life, he is a damn zombie. He doesn’t remember his old life, or his old name or anything. He has a “Friend” in M (Rob Corddry), but that means they sometimes go out on hunts together for food and grunt some.

On one of those faithful hunting missions, they run into a group of survivors looking for meds. That is where he meets Julie (Teresa Palmer). But something is different, something has changed. He doesn’t want to eat her body. Well, not in the traditional sense.

Could this be love? Necrophiliac love? Analeigh Tipton plays her best friend, Dave Franco her boyfriend, and John Malkovich her dad.

This is also a metaphor. A metaphor, for uhh, war. War is bad.

From what I can tell, the movie has differences from the book, but the author of the book is fine with it. He saw the movie and likes it, so I definitely won’t judge the two apart (not that I ever do that anyways). But I can say that after watching the movie, I want to read the book. Already ordered it online, can’t wait. The only other movie that I did that with was The Perks of Being a Wallflower. Which, I might add, I liked the book as well and there were differences.

I thought the intro the movie was pretty dang hilarious. It begins with a nice monologue from R, as he shuffles about his normal zombie life, and we learn the ins and outs of his mind and actions. It just felt brilliant.

Rob Corddry stole the show with his zombie, but he was given the funnier lines, because he wasn’t currently in love with a living woman.

The movie has obvious references to a famous love story, which I figured out halfway through. I am glad they kept it somewhat subtle, I was afraid they would smash it over your head at the end, but thankfully they didn’t.

Shit, the only thing I really disliked would be that the change happening the zombies could have been more gradual and obvious. For R, it was slow and the signs of him getting better were clear, but for the rest of the zombies it felt rushed.

Fuck it. I loved this movie. Here is a high ass rating.

4 out of 4.

FINALLY.

That is all I can really say about Silver Linings Playbook. From the first time I saw this trailer, I knew I wanted to see it, and I wanted it to see it hard. Why? I mean, shit, look at the Trailer damn it. It has everything I’d want in a movie. Laughter, probable good acting, trashing books, serious shit, and a Jennifer Lawrence jiggle.

Well, and the rest of her too, I guess.

Pat (Bradley Cooper) is a pretty normal guy. Exercises, interacts with his friends, and sometimes talks to a wall. Oh whats that? He is in a mental institution? Alright, that isn’t normal at all. But he seems to have it all together. The courts seem to agree (despite the doctor warnings), and he is released to his mother (Jacki Weaver) after eight months in to live with his family.

Pat sees this as the opportunity of a life time. He has been getting fit, taking good care of himself, and now he plans on reading a lot of books to impress Nicki. Who is Nicki? His (ex?) wife of course! Before “the incident” they were in love, and damn it, they will be back together soon. What’s a restraining order anyways? His dad (Robert De Niro) has his own history of anger, along with some minor OCD when it comes to luck/fate with the Philadelphia Eagles.

But while working on improving his mind and body for Nicki, his friend (John Ortiz) invites him to a fancy dinner with his wife (Julia Stiles), a good friend of Nicki! But why did they bring Tiffany (Jennifer Lawrence) to the dinner? She had her husband die, and is kind of slutty. Clearly she is the crazy one of the group, not Pat.

But is she crazy enough to help him get around the restraining order by delivering a letter to his love? Maybe! Only if he does something for her first. Also featuring Chris Tucker as a new friend of Pat’s from the institution.

Presenting for the first time ever, my Halloween costume for 2013.

I am almost certain I didn’t decide this before watching, but I loved this movie. Basically everything about it was top notch. The storyline, the acting from our leads and De Niro. Hell, Mr. Tucker, who only does a movie every 5-6 years now, once the highest paid actor in Hollywood, he was pretty great in his supporting role as well.

When ever Jennifer Lawrence popped out of the bushes to surprise Cooper, I could only think of Navi, but in the nicest way possible.

The movie also did a fine job of riding the line between comedy/drama and going into a romantic comedy. First, it kept the comedy up the whole movie, and the dramatic parts were also throughout. Some Comedy/Dramas like to split the movie in half, not this one. Closer and closer to the end, it was able to get an ending that was great, without being entirely cliche. That means only about 40% cliche, for those counting at home.

This movie has officially restored my faith in Bradley Cooper, that was nearly diminished after All About Steve and The Words.

4 out of 4.