Tag: Nichola Burley

StreetDance

I sometimes watch the worse movies. Today’s excuse was going to the rental store, finding out what came out on DVD that day, and picking the weirdest looking one. Shit, I used to watch /every/ new movie that came out on DVD, regardless of how low budget or weird, so I need to do it every so often to get back to my roots.

Well, this time I picked StreetDance. It looked like some bad cross between You Got Served and Step Up. That’s right, a cheap knock off of those two. You know its going to be ridiculous. Or cliche. But as a dance movie, it could secretly be the grail we are all looking or.

Bad guys
These are the bad guys. You know it, because they wear (and are?) black.

Oh yeah. This movie is totally British. Set and filmed in that UK.

A street dance crew, called Jay 2.0 (I believe) is attempting to become the best street dance crew in the UK. Seriously. It opens with their audition to the contest, or whatever. The Surge is a dance crew that has won the last few years, and they are the bad guys. Grr them.

Well, after their performance, they find out that Jay (Ukweli Roach), their leader and obvious name inspiration is going to quit dancing. He has too many responsibilities, and decided to quit right after they qualify. Da fuq? His girlfriend in the group is shocked, and then becomes the defacto leader. Unfortunately, Carly (Nichola Burley) also loses their rehearsal space, and has very little money, so they are basically screwed.

Well, Carly finds herself accidentally in a big ballet studio to inquire about renting space and the cost. Well, Helena (Charlotte Rampling) is worried about her students losing passion in their dance. They can ballet the shit out of some dance, but they don’t have that desire anymore. After watching the crew perform, she agrees to let them use the space for free, only if she will take on five of their dancers.

What?! Ballet and street dance? Can these two art forms interact? Can she teach them how the streets move? Can she incorporate their skillset to make their street dancing even more off the chain? Will she fall out of love with Jay, who is a liar, and fall in love with Tomas (Richard Winsor) the main ballet guy? Yes.

Prancers
Can you guess if these people are street dancers or ballet dancers?

Fun fact about this movie. It was released theatrically in 2010 in the UK, and came out on DVD by 2011. But not in America. It didn’t come out to the US on DVD until Aug 20, 2013. THREE YEARS after it was released theatrically. I feel slighted by our old country parents.

As expected, a lot of this movie was pretty shitty. Cliches everywhere. They actually ended the movie on a freeze frame of two people raising their arms in the area together, in a moment of triumph. The plot is not unique. They had a food fight when the two groups weren’t friends yet, only so they could throw food for 3D purposes.

But something else happened. The dancing was fantastic. Some of these dance movies I get even more pissed off when I don’t think the dancing is cool enough. This dancing was great. The final dance where they figured out their dances and their knew style to give a unique performance was insanely sexy. It incorporated the street+ballet dance far better than Step Up.

In addition to the great dancing, I liked each and every song on the sound track. A lot of them were mixes with older and newer elements, perhaps creating the theme for the whole film. I enjoyed every song. Here was one of my favorites: Ironik – Tiny Dancer (Hold Me Closer).

Shit. A good soundtrack? Good dancing? Shitty plot and acting. Well. There ya go. Also, the main girl was one of the three chicks in Donkey Punch. I was very amused to find her name already tagged on my website (and shocked).

2 out of 4.

Donkey Punch

A couple years ago, I saw a trailer for Donkey Punch and laughed. “Ha ha! Fake trailers can be great!”. No one would actually make a movie called Donkey Punch and be about what Donkey Punches are about. That’d be silly.

But then we remember the British are a rather silly group of people. When I saw the trailer, two years ago, I realized the movie was actually real, and from two years prior. Holy shit. Why?! Well, why not I think was the response. Which I can totally agree with.

Happy times
Ah, such a happy group of people. No idea the sexy bad time they will have.

Three girls are having a fun vacation out in Spain.

Lisa (Sian Breckin), Tammi (Nichola Burley), and Kim (Jaime Winstone). Party party party, they end up meeting a few guys who invite them on the boat to party more. Reluctantly, they decide to go. What could go wrong?

Sean (Robert Boulter), Marcus (Jay Taylor), Bluey (Tom Burke), and Josh (Julian Morris) are the guys.

Needless to say, drugs and alcohol happen a bit. And then some sexy time. Not everyone. But there is a lot of sex going on. Bluey is with Lisa, and notices Josh being a creeper, so gets him to film that stuff. Oh yeah, hot. Then he lets Josh have a go. Then they do anal. Then, based on a conversation earlier, and from peer pressure, Josh decides to Donkey Punch her. Accidentally breaking her neck and killing her on the spot.

Da fuq?

The rest of the movie is complete freak out mode. They have on tape a technical murder, and egging on, and a dead body. The women are freaking out, they want to go back to shore for the cops, guys not having any of it, want to dump the body. So then some more people die and maybe just maybe someone will escape the current death boat and make it out alive.

OH NO MOTOR
Improvise an escape, using your only means of escape!

What?? You don’t know what a Donkey Punch is? That is definitely an act during doggy style, where the male, generally near orgasm, will punch the woman in the back of the head. The more you know. And yes, the British made a thriller movie off of that act, not just a made up Urban Dictionary term.

This movie could have been a lot of crazy fun, unfortunately the characters ruin it. They are all dumb. The easiest solution would be for the girls to agree with the guys and then, you know, go to the cops. Bad survival instinct. The standard “Oh cells dont work out here!” problem, and other silly issues.

The movie also was super slow. You’d think it’d be full of action and freaking out, but really it lacked a lot of it. Was also a bit confusing when I assumed a guy got stabbed in the heart was dead, but nope. Survived most of the film, with a damn knife in him. Fucked up.

I think of ways to fix the film, and they need the guys to have a bit more distinct personalities and looks, so I don’t get confused at who is the puncher, who is the asshole, who is the taper, etc. And you know, just smarter characters. But maybe the drugs and alcohol made them dumb? I dunno. Don’t drink and go on boats, or else you may be donkey punched.

1 out of 4.