Tag: Morris Chestnut

I didn’t get a huge helping of sexual thrillers in 2016 like I had in previous years. It was a genre that was just severely lacking.

And of course, I missed it when When The Bough Breaks came out in theaters. One of the few films to really fit the bill. But I made sure to grab it right away when it came out to DVD. You know, just in case it is a giant pile of trash like a lot of similar genre’d films end up being. Remember The Boy Next Door? Addicted? I feel like both of them made previous worst of the year lists.

So sure, I went in expecting the worst, but I have been surprised before.

Ah what a happy pseudo-family, pre bough breaking.

John (Morris Chestnut) and Laura Taylor (Regina Hall) are two very successful married people. They both have fantastic jobs, they make bank, have a nice hall, come from nice backgrounds. But they cannot have a baby together, for whatever reason. After multiple miscarriages, the two have spent years looking for a good surrogate who they trusted with their baby.

And they think they have finally found someone with Anna Walsh (Jaz Sinclair). She is a young and sweet girl, wanting to help others. She will also use the money to help get a good house for her and her boyfriend, Mike Mitchell (Theo Rossi). He is deploying soon, and with the her sudden extra income and his, they should be able to have their dream home.

Well, the surrogate is a success and she is pregnant. But it turns out that Mike is abusive, so they decide to protect Anna and let her live in the house with them. But Anna begins acting peculiar. Spying on John and refusing to be modest with her body. And she is still seeing her boyfriend on the side. He wants her to threaten to back down and keep the baby, they will pay her more money to give it up and they can get rich.

Also they lied about their names and their past. She is also becoming obsessed with John, to the point where she tries to tear their marriage apart and his life if she will not be with her.

Ah, yes, the old unborn baby hostage deal for that sweet Chestnut loving.

Also featuring Michael K. Williams, Romany Malco, Glenn Morshower, and Tom Nowicki.

“Oh sorry, I seem to have fallen on the floor and can’t get up or cover up.”

When The Bough Breaks wants to take a perfectly normal and already scary situation for a couple and go to the extreme with it. I won’t say there is anything morally wrong trying to scare people away from using surrogates, because technically there isn’t, but it is still a pretty damn dark and grey area.

As this isn’t just a drama type film, but a SUPER drama, the actors mostly end up having to over act instead of letting a potentially great thriller play out. The plan for the girl and her boyfriend was pretty dumb. Her way of slowly seducing Chestnut was pretty dumb. Hall’s character was completely absent and terrible in this film as well. Just a lot of badly working together gears not making a lot of progress.

And the ending where all the potential scares occur? Yeah, I was scared once when a character drops the baby safely strapped in its car seat, but none of the other tension was felt. It was instead all laughable, including its finish.

There won’t be any surprises in this film. Heck, there isn’t even nakedness to make a real sexual thriller. Just a laughable thriller, with a terrible idea for a plot, acted by people who normally do a bit better.

0 out of 4.

I’d imagine it is really hard to make a sequel for a film fifteen years later. Especially a movie that wasn’t a big commercial success, but that is just what The Best Man Holiday decided to do. If Before Midnight can complete an eighteen year trilogy, set that many years apart, why can’t this film do the same?

For those of you looking to watch this film without the first film, The Best Man, I would advise against it. Holiday does its best to catch you up through an opening credit montage, but without the first film, you will probably be lost for at least a good half hour into the film.

But you don’t have to know the first film to know that this scene gunna be gud.

After all, its been 15 years since our gang of friends last hung out, since the wedding of star New York Giants running back, Lance (Morris Chestnut) to his lovely lady Mia (Monica Calhoun). But Mia has been persistent, and really wants all Lance’s old friends back into his life. After all, he is set to retire from the NFL after the last game this season, in which he might break the all time rushing yard record. So eventually the gang agrees to spend their holidays in New York, despite the turmoil in their own lives.

Like Harper (Taye Diggs), who hasn’t had a best selling book in awhile and was recently laid off from NYU thanks to budget cuts. The good news is, his wife (Sanaa Lathan) is finally pregnant and almost due (despite years of bad luck on that front). The bad news is they are broke. His agent suggests he gains the rights to do the biography on Lance, his old friend, as a sure way of getting him back into fray.

Julian (Harold Perrineau) has gotten his life together and started up a school that runs solely off of donations, with his wife (Regina Hall) with an administration position. But when her past profession as a stripper comes up through a YouTube video, losing Julian $2 million in funds, will he be able to still accept the past that he knew he was getting in to? His ex, Shelby (Melissa De Sousa) went from controlling to drama queen, and is a star of one of those “Real Housewife” shows now. She is a friend of Mia, so of course she gets invited too, just to make Julian miserable.

Quentin (Terrence Howard) is loving the single life, a general foul-mouthed comic relief, and a music producer or something. Let’s just say he too is pretty rich.

Jordin (Nia Long), the woman Harper used to like before his wife, is now a head executive at MSNBC and dating Brad (Eddie Cibrian), a white man.

All of these issues and a lot more come up during the week, as disease has also taken hold of one of our members, turning this comedy-drama into a drama-comedy for the second half.

Best dressed goes to Michael with the bow tie, I think.

I never thought I would have a lot to say about The Best Man Holiday, but here I am. I should note I never saw the original movie when it came out, seeing it for the first time earlier this week. It was okay and was interesting to see a lot of now bigger stars in some of their first big roles. I was pleased that it was a movie with an all black cast, their color had almost nothing to do with their characters/identity and everyone was just a person. Holiday continues that theme, and more.

Morris mother fucking Chestnut.

The biggest surprise of the movie to me was that man. All the other actors are well known for for their movie or TV roles in the last fifteen years, but not so much Morris. He is only well known for playing a detective/officer in films (Examples One, Two, Three, Four).

Needless to say, these roles never really give him a lot of time to really develop a character or have an amazing personality, but this film allows that to happen. His character is a god and family loving, moral, athletic superstar. It is really hard to not like him, but more importantly, Morris knocks it out of the park. I have never seen him so good, so in character. I want him in more movies, and darn it, I want him to be a lead role.

The movie itself is definitely a tearjerker. There were not many people during my showtime but throughout it I could see and hear sniffling from the fellow movie goers. It wasn’t just sad moments, thankfully, but a back and forth between sad and uplifting.

Overall, I would say I enjoyed watching The Best Man Holiday and think it is way better than the first film. Unfortunately, it is also entirely filled with cliches and moments you can see coming from miles away. Nothing is really surprising in the film and it doesn’t really offer anything new. Of what the film does offer, it offers a lot of it, and you may get lost in some of the plot lines, but eventually everything will feel in place. If you enjoyed the first film, you will love the sequel.

2 out of 4.

Author Note: This review has been censored by the Author himself for hilarity sake, not any entity running this review.

Kick-[Butt] 2 is the sequel to Kick-[Bottom], that much is obvious.

What is not obvious is why Jim Carrey started acted strangely this summer, so I think we should discuss it first. In June, he tweeted that he could not support the level of violence in Kick-[Rear] 2, which was shot a month before the Sandy Hook incident.

However, his actual character in the movie, while violent, happens to be a born again Christian who refuses to use guns or swear. Yes, he actively protests gun violence with his character, yet won’t support the film? Ridiculous. Needless to say, his cast members had some choice words to say about the incident, and the sheer silliness of it all probably will lead to more people seeing Kick-[Posterior] 2 than before.

Thanks Jim. Gee whiz. This movie takes place a few years after the events of the first film. Dave Lizewski (Aaron Taylor-Johnson) has now given up crime fighting, but we all know that isn’t going to last long. Mindy (Chloe Grace Moretz) is going to high school for the first time, and as a 15 year old girl, she has a lot to learn about real world teenage girls. She eventually gives up Hit-Girl, as a promise to her passed away father and new caretaker, Detective Marcus (Morris Chestnut).

It doesn’t take long for Dave to go back to his superhero roots, but finds fighting crime alone to be a bit daunting. He decides to team up with Dr. Gravity (Donald Faison), who introduces him to the vigilante group, Justice Forever! Lead by Colonel Stars and Stripes (Carrey), it also features Battle Guy (Clark Duke), Insect Man (Robert Emms), and Night [Female Dog] (Lindy Booth).

But evil is lurking. Chris D’Amico (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) is upset over his fathers death (understandably), and wants to get revenge. In order to do that, he has to start his own evil organization. He is no longer The Red Mist, that was his hero name. As a super villain, he is now The Mother[Fornicator]. He recruits a few sociopaths, including Mother Russia (Olga Kurkulina), The Tumor (Andy Nyman), Black Death (Daniel Kaluuya), and Genghis Carnage (Tom Wu), and calls his group The Toxic Mega [Very Bad Insult Name For Women]. They plan on bringing down NYC and all the masked vigilantes. Especially Kick-[Gluteus Maximus].

I already tagged a lot of people, but lets tag a few more. John Leguizamo plays Chris’ Bodyguard/Butler like person, Augustus Prew plays the “other friend” Todd, and Claudia Lee plays Brooke, the high school drama queen.

Wow, he is wearing Big Daddy’s armor. That is all sorts of [Sexed] up. In a lot of ways, Kick-[Buttocks] 2 is a lot like the first movie. There is over the top violence (involving teenagers) and a lot of people end up dying. But in a lot of ways, it is also different.

It is hard to describe, but something is missing in this sequel. I think it lacks the heart of the first film. In the first film, you could definitely tell Dave wanted to be a good guy, to do good things, and help save the world. In this movie, he felt like almost an entitled jerk, and he certainly felt selfish. Sure, he said he wanted to just help people in the movie, but it all felt superficial.

The film also has far too many plot lines, lessening its potential. You know what is boring? Watching a movie about “Superheroes” not fighting crime. This is unavoidable if it is the first movie in a series, because we need to get an Origin story. This movie had our heroes away from their costumes many times throughout and gets in the way of a lot more fisticuffs. The comedy and violence is the only thing this franchise is going to have going for it.

Christopher Mintz-Plasse, however, played the self entitled super villain really well, especially when his super power is being rich. It was amazing.

Overall, the movie is just not as good as the first, it isn’t as funny, and it spends too much of its 100 minute run time lollygagging.

2 out of 4.

The Call, The Call. What can I really say about this movie that the 2.5 minute trailer didn’t already say for me? Shit. I have talked about bad trailers before, but this one is high on the totem pole. Listen people. If a trailer tells everything that happens in your movie, there is no need to watch the movie. Why have 118 more minutes of filler?

Fuck you The Call trailer. It is why I put off watching it for so long, just because I felt like I already watched it.

Well, maybe The Call will be bigger than the trailer itself, and more exciting?

The hair is certainly bigger.

Jordan Turner (Halle Berry) works at an LA Call Center, and it is one of the busiest. Which is why everyone there gets futuristic looking desks and command centers I guess. Either way, it can be stressful, and she gets a call from a scared teenage girl. Someone is breaking into the house! But thanks to her information, she is able to successfully hide the girl before authorities can arrive and the guy leaves. But the phone gets disconnected, she mistakenly redials, and the girl answers. Oh surprise, she is still there. Way to give away her position Jordan!

Needless to say, abduction happens, and Jordan feels like shit.

Six months later, she is teaching now, afraid of her job. But hey look, another girl got kidnapped. Casey Welson (Abigail Breslin). She is in the back of a car going somewhere. I wonder if its the same dude (Michael Eklund). No that couldn’t be.

Well surely her communication powers and street smarts are going to save this girl this time, even if it involves going off on her own to find him herself. Great strategy. Also featuring Morris Chestnut as her cop boyfriend, and David Otunga as other cop.

I think of this scene as a rebirthing.

It turns out the suspense in the film wasn’t half bad. In fact, maybe even enjoyable. If any of it would have surprised me in the slightest. Good old trailer, even spoiling the gasoline seen. Heck, the only thing that the trailer made me wonder is why the hell is Michael Imperioli in this film? You may remember him from the one season of Detroit 1-8-7 or six seasons of The Sopranos. He has one scene flashed in the trailer, despite being a relatively major character to the story. Fuck these trailer makers so hard.

Unfortunately, the ending of this movie absolutely ruins it for me. Here we have this guy, who clearly has some deep seeded mental illness and psychological issues about his past. He needs help. He has done some bad things. But when the good guys have the chance to do the right thing, they of course don’t. They go for revenge. Not a normal revenge, a super bad torture revenge. Fuck that. You are the good guys. Their idea is horrible in that A) it isn’t guaranteed to work, and B) their alibi is completely bat shit stupid. I thought it would be okay if the ending wasn’t so dumb.

But really, the thrills are okay. It might be a lot better if you don’t know more than I told you going in. Just. Fuck that ending.

1 out of 4.

Identity Thief came out the same day as Side Effects in theaters, yet they went the opposite route when it came to advertisements. Side Effects had barely any, and Identity Thief drowned the market with with TV spots and promos.

That’s right. So many ads, I am surprised I have enough energy to tread water still.

Run as fast as you’d like, but you cannot escape the ad train.

Sandy Patterson (Jason Bateman) is your normal Colorado living individual with a funny name. He is also a bit naive and a bit of a pushover, which is why no one is surprised when he gets his identity stolen by a “Diana” (Melissa McCarthy) in Winter Park, Florida!

Thanks to all of her shit, he now finds himself with a criminal record, failing to show up to a court date, and several thousands dollars of credit card debt. Hooray! It doesn’t help that he just started a new law firm with his buddy (John Cho) and when people Google his name, they only see pages of bad. The detective on his case (Morris Chestnut) can only help him if he can get Diana on his own to come back to Colorado and admit to her crimes. Clearly not too hard!

Amanda Peet plays his wife, Jon Favreau a jerk boss, T.I. and Genesis Rodriguez are hitmen after Diana, Robert Patrick a bail bondsman, and Eric Stonestreet as a rich Texan.

A rich and sexy Texan, of course.

The problem with a lot of advertisements is that each one is going to be different. The problem with that? I think only two or so scenes really felt surprising or new to me. I’ve seen the jokes, the gags, the violence, and the entire plot in their ads. I feel like that probably lessened the experience.

But lets talk about the plot. Identity theft on its own is relatively simple idea, and I am pretty sure hasn’t been done in this way before as a comedy. But the writers decided to make this movie anything but simple! She is a con artist, who was a foster child, who has made problems worse by bad dealings with local gangs, and being drunk in public. That means they are running from multiple groups while hating each others company and constantly lying about their intentions.

I think there is a fine line between annoying side character and misunderstood side character. What made Planes, Trains, and Automobiles so much better than Due Date is by humanizing the weird character and not just making them an asshole. Although they attempt to humanize Diana, I don’t think it works at all, and just see her as miserable person the whole movie.

The humor itself isn’t too well thought out. I laughed during a few scenes only, but I will note the theater as a whole seemed to laugh throughout.

Overall, I just feel bad for Jason Bateman. He kicked ass in Dodgeball and Arrested Development, but he has been on a slow decline since then.

1 out of 4.