Tag: Moon Bloodgood

I watched this movie, because I allowed a vote and gave vague descriptions. Sure, I obviously was going to watch it anyways, but by golly, Street Fighter: The Legend Of Chun-Li is first!

Eh. Well, I have only seen the early 1990s Street Fighter movie a few times, but I remember it was at least somewhat enjoyable and super campy. I mean, it had JCVD and Raul Julia (one of his last movies!), great people right there.

So, I won’t compare this to the game story-line at all, because really, I don’t know it.

Shit. He is in this movie? I am sad now.

When Chun-Li (Kristin Kreuk) was a little girl, everything was just swell. She learned some sweet fighting moves from her father, Xiang (Edmund Chen) and also some piano skills. That is, until some thugs busted down the doors to her house and started wrecking shit! They steal her father, and well, that is that.

Many years later, Chun-Li is a concert pianist, living it up. Apparently she wasn’t too badly affected by the kidnapping, until she receives a mysterious scroll. Basically, it tells her to stop doing shit, and fix other shit. So she has to seek out Gen (Robin Shou) and learn how to fight better to save her father.

He was kidnapped by M. Bison (Neal McDonough)! And his gang of thugs, Balrog (Michael Clarke Duncan) and Vega (Taboo). And uhh. He is also a bad man in real life. The cops are after him, for some reason. Non street fighter characters Charlie Nash (Chris Klein) and Maya Sunee (Moon Bloodgood).

This is the closest you will get to her outfit.

Awww, fuck. It is bad. Thankfully not rage against the Earth bad. The badness just made me super super board. Street Fighter has a rich history, lots of fun characters, and this one shows like…what? Four of them? Fuck all of that. Wheres my green electric person? Wheres my actual badass Bison? Where is my stretchy arms dude, or fat Asian man? Wheres my red and white shirt Karate people? You can tell, I know a shit ton about Street Fighter.

Either way, the action in this film was boring, and the plot was even more boring. I had to battle falling asleep, even though it was still early evening.

Story and plot were rough too. No one really seemed to fit their role. Even Michael Clarke Duncan, he was way too large/slow to be some epic boxer dude.

The one good news about even attempting this movie is finding out about Street Fighter: Assassin’s Fist. Some TV show happening eventually. The poster looks super awesome. Could it help the series as much as Mortal Kombat: Legacy helped that series? Hopefully better, because nothing actually came from MK: Legacy.

When they announced the nominees for the Academy Awards this year, nothing really surprised me. Yes yes, snubs and what nots, but I had at least heard of every (American) movie on the list. Every one, but The Sessions. To be fair it was only nominated for one award, but that award is Best Actress. I mean, something crazy must be going on in that movie then, damn it.

Then I found out it was about a guy in an iron lung.

This is the best picture I could find of him in the lung. What the hell?

Originally I was mad about the concept of an iron lung, but now I am mad that there is no picture of him in the lung online. Why was I mad originally? Because, what the hell, an iron lung? Stop it. Just stop it. Iron Lungs, popular over 50 years ago, became non-existant after they fucked up Polio and got their technology on. Just popping out a movie about a guy in an iron lung wanting to lose his virginity just seems silly.

What? It’s a true story, based on the book of the guy who wrote about his life in an iron lung? Damn it. Fine. Carry on.

Mark O’Brien (John Hawkes) is in an iron lung, got the Polio when he was six, it has been a long life of laying down. He decided to become a writer, because he sure a hell couldn’t do anything else. He did poems, short stories, eventually a book on his life. Either way, he was lonely. Lonely in the pants. He was a middle aged man who hasn’t even groped a boob, let alone done the business. Hard to when you can barely move your head.

Eventually he learns about a sex surrogate. Definitely not a prostitute. Their is payment for sessions, and her job is to help him experience his sexuality, but there is a limit. The max number of sessions he can do is six, no more, certainly can do less. He gets his priest’s permission (William H. Fucking Macy), and sets up to do the business.

Who is the sex surrogate? Someone named Cheryl (Helen Hunt). She is even married, and the husband is fine with it. She leads Mark on a journey of experiencing an orgasm, full penetration, and boobs! Also, Moon Bloodgood and Annika Marks play some of his care assistants.

Spoilers – Sex Happens.

Now I know what you guys are wondering. How the hell can Helen Hunt play in a movie where he is a sex master and having sex with someone with polio. She wouldn’t get naked on camera. Would she?

Yes. Yes she would. Helen Hunt is super naked in this movie, full friggan body. And unless you are Anne Hathaway, that usually earns you a nomination.

As for the rest of the movie, it was a sweet story, if not incredible awkward. John Hawkes is probably more deserving of a nomination than Hunt, but that could just because he had a disability. We all know what happens when actors play with disabilities.