Paddington 2

Paddington 2 was probably one of my most looking forward to films for awhile. No, not some big superhero film, or a drama with all of my favorite actors. Paddington. Two.

The first one was just a delight. It was cute, funny, and it felt like the perfect family film. It didn’t help that Europe got it so much earlier than other parts of the world, so I heard about its praise, and I just wanted more.

Who would have thought that a little bear could bring the world together so much? Well, the makers of the first Paddington, I guess.

Family
A successful family film always needs a big family so everyone can relate to someone.

Things are changing in the Brown household. The kids (Madeleine Harris, Samuel Joslin) are changing their appearances and hobbies, the mother (Sally Hawkins) wants to go on adventures and is training to swim to France, and the father (Hugh Bonneville) is going through a big midlife crisis because he feels old and is missing promotions at work.

But Paddington (Ben Whishaw) is just chill. He is helping his neighbors, making the world a brighter place, and really just finding a place to exist. He does want to get a gift for his Aunt Lucy (Imelda Staunton) though, which leads him to a sweet pop up book of London! It is very detailed and it will let her experience London like she always wanted to. But the book is rare, so Paddington will have to get a few jobs in order to pay for it.

What Paddington doesn’t know, is there are others out there that will go to great lengths to get that book, even if it means Paddington ends up in Prison as a result.

Also starring Hugh Grant, Michael Gambon, Julie Walters, Jim Broadbent, and Brendan Gleeson.

Prison
Jails are just a red herring of course. Or a pink herring.

At the time of writing this review, Paddington 2 has a 100% on Rotten Tomatoes. And that isn’t based on only 20 or so reviews, it is based on ONE HUNDRED NINETY-SIX reviews! That is almost 200 people who agreed that it didn’t suck. Of course it doesn’t mean it is a perfect film, just everyone found it overall good and gave a positive impression. And that is frankly unheard of in this day in age.

Of course while watching it, I found myself chuckling a few times. Just the generic slapstick portions as Paddington flails about trying to do human things are worth it. The story goes really well together and ends with a lot of the pieces coming together quite nicely.

Most importantly, it is a film with a simple story and that works in its favor. It is slow enough moving that even those younger kids will be able to follow along and enjoy it, while not being too slow or boring for adults. The family was funny enough. And Grant was very good in his role, and at a very good age and time in his career to play something like he did.

It doesn’t resort to violence, it resorts to smarts, and maybe some bonking, but not an all out brawl.

Hooray!

3 out of 4.

Victoria & Abdul

OH yeah, I definitely heard about Victoria & Abdul.

I heard about it, and knew I definitely didn´t want to see it, ever.

What a generic sounding, feel good, Hallmark looking film. Actor names meant nothing, it looked so low effort.

But whoever is pulling the strings behind these things campaigned their dicks off. And it got nominated for Two Oscars. Will it win them? Doubtful. But it is nominated, and I am here to review it.

Boat
Yep, there is Victoria & Abdul!

In the late 1800´s, Queen Victoria (Judi Dench) was off, being the Queen of England, doing Queen things. Namely getting awards from sovereign nations, eating lots of food, and taking naps. She was old. Abdul Karim (Ali Fazal) was just a clerk in a prison in India. A regular, who gives a shit job. But Abdul was tall. And they needed tall people.

Why? Because the Queen was to receive a mohur, a special gold coin from India, which they totally owned and were kind of dicks about. And they needed real Indians to go, they wanted tall ones, and he fit the bill. Him and Mohammed (Adeel Akhtar) were sent to not look her in the eye, bow, walk backwards. Make a huge bit of fuss over a tiny coin and then head back to India with no change in their lives.

But Abdul looked her in the eyes. She might have thought he was cute. She made them stay, to present more things as servants. Then eventually her private footmen. And then, eventually, he became her teacher on all things Indian culture. A strange, unprecedented turn of events, one that surely was going to piss off a lot of old, rich, white people.

Also starring some white people: Eddie Izzard, Tim Pigott-Smith, Michael Gambon, Paul Higgins, Fenella Woolgar, and Olivia Williams.

Servants
Oh, what is this? Victoria & Abdul & Some Other Guy!

As expected, Victoria & Abdul is a very okay movie. Maybe even one of the okayiest films out there.

Dench does perfectly fine as an old queen, bored with her life, looking for something to fill her hole. Fazal, however, is a fresh change. He has a nice smile, a good laugh and just a really spunky look about him. Without him in this role, giving me something to smile about, it would have easily have been a 1 movie.

This whole thing could be a made up story and it would not change anything. Just because it is real does not mean it is worthy of being a film. The story is about a small part of two people´s lives, and one of them is super royal. A strange pairing, a cute history factoid, and that is about it.

This film will leave our collective conscious in a few years, and that is not really a shame. Just a forgettable, okay film.

2 out of 4.

Quartet

I saw the trailer for Quartet once, probably. I think. Yeah, just once. Looked interesting. Comedy about a group of old people musicians. They might sleep around.

Then I realized. Literally, just now, that I actually saw a trailer for A Late Quartet, and not Quartet. Yep, two different movies about old people musicians within six months of each other probably. That explains why I thought I saw cellos on the cover of Quartet. Whoops.

Love people
Hey, statistically half of that applause is probably for the other film. Gloat less, please.

In the UK, there is a retirement home for older musicians. Basically, every single one of them end up going too, if they were a big deal, they are totally there. Strange that none of them just live out their life in luxury and want to go to the retirement home.

Well, despite all the big names, the retirement home is constantly fighting to stay alive. They have a yearly gala to raise money to try and stay afloat, where they all put on a show of music and singing. Some dancing too, maybe.

Big news! Jean Horton (Maggie Smith), famed opera singer is totally joining their ranks now that she has a bad hip. But, gossip side, she was supposed to marry Reginald Paget (Tom Courtenay), but cheated on him and left him broken hearted. She might not have known he was at the same home, even though it makes perfect sense.

Well, Reginald’s good friends, Wilf Bond (Billy Connolly) and Cissy (Pauline Collins), decided that they need to convince Jean to sing in the gala with them a special piece. A famous Quartet that they all used to do back in the day.

But Jean doesn’t want to, because she is worried she can’t sing as well anymore. Not to mention the awkwardness of being around Reginald. Oh boy, if they do convince her, will they actually be good? Also featuring Michael Gambon as the Gala director, and Sheridan Smith as the head nurse.

Group
Maggie Smith’s contract says she cannot appear more than twice in the same review.

Fuck this movie. Shit. Like, nothing happened. This is the first time director role for Dustin Hoffman, and I couldn’t be more disappointed with the end result. It is actually just some secret love song for famous opera singers and musicians in the 50s to the 80s, and they might have used actual people to play the other house guests. So most of the film was old people singing to change between scenes, which is fine as a transition, but the scenes were never really that good.

It was slow. But more importantly I noticed something. The practicing for the gala was shown in a montage. I was getting worried they wouldn’t actually give us the group singing. After all, they are actors not singers. Lo and behold, when it came time for them to perform, we got jack shit from the actual actors, making this film feel like 100 minute of just teasing us. Come on, let Maggie Smith get her sing on, fuckers.

The only redeeming quality for this movie, and for why it is not a 0 out of 4, is for Billy Connolly. Hot damn, his character was hilarious, and pretty fantastic.

1 out of 4.

The King’s Speech

“What the hell is this shit? It is 2013 and you are just now reviewing the Best Picture winner from 2010? No one cares anymore! We already know its good!”

I have the meanest readers some times. Yes, I am a bit embarrassed that I am just now reviewing The King’s Speech. I just kept putting it off. I did see it a long time ago, but before I reviewed it, I felt like I should probably…you know…re watch it on Blu-Ray. Yeah, technology!

Enough excuses.

Mic Yo
After all, did King George VI ever make excuses? All the time? Well damn.

Before King George VI was King George VI (Colin Firth), he was just the son of King George V (Michael Gambon). His older brother, King Edward VII (Guy Pearce) (“Hey, why is everyone a King?” Shhh) is set to be King before him, which is great, because George6 has a problem.

He sucks at talking. He has a terribad stutter, and it is frankly down right embarrassing. He is royalty, and he muffles all of his words! No one can take him seriously if he cannot give a simple command. They tried everything, including throwing money at the problem, but nothing seems to work.

So his wife (Helena Bonham Carter) decides, against his knowledge, to go off the beaten path to look for help. He has basically given up hope and doesn’t care anymore. He would just rather hide instead. As it is with movies, the man she finds is named Lionel Logue (Geoffrey Rush) and quite unconventional. He wants to get into psychology, and determine why people may stutter. That is personal shit, a bit too personal for a potential king.

OH NO. CERTAIN HISTORICAL EVENTS HAPPEN AND KING GEORGE VI BECOMES KING GEORGE VI. Fuck. Now he has to talk. He really needs to fix dat stutter and fast. But can he? Can he do it?

Aids
Just like any problem, all the king really needed was helpful aides.

There is a reason this movie won Best Picture, and it lies almost 100% with Colin Firth, who also won Best Actor. I know I’ve used this phrase before, but it is really the only thing fitting of this situation. Colin Firth acted the fuck out of this role, and there is no touching him in this movie. Stuttering is not too hard to pull off, if you want to mock a person and be an asshole. But to pull off I guess a “sincere” stutter, throughout an entire movie? And have it all look completely real and natural? Damn, maybe he just has a strong jaw and tongue! It is just insane how great he is at this role.

I tried to tip my movie after I saw it because I had such a great time. Oh yeah.

Everyone else is good too, notably Mr. Rush, as always. Not sure why Helena was nominated for her role, she is barely in this movie. But hey, congrats to her a anyways!

The story itself is not one I can see myself watching again and again, after all, there are some boring parts. But for the topic at hand, it made a seemingly “Who Gives A Fuck?” topic a star experience and helped everyone care about a now dead British King.

3 out of 4.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2

This is NOT a review of the books, or a comparison of them. Also, these reviews will be SLATHERED with spoilers. So, there is the warning.

Harry Potter is Daniel Radcliff, Ron Weasley is Rupert Grint, and Hermoine is Emma Watson. Also, Alan Rickman is Snape, Michael Gambon is Dumbledore, well, not really. He is dead.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2

Woo! Last movie of the series! That means if you ignore the weird Pottermore thing, Harry Potter is done, out of our existence. Until 12-15 years from now when they reboot the series again for a new generation.

This movie takes off where Part 1 left off, as it should. Sadness about a dead Dobby. Immediately, thanks to a goblin, they decide to go to the ultra secure bank. Which one? The only one that exists, as far as the universe is concerned. It ends up going wrong, and thanks to the powers of Hermione’s cleavage (don’t click that link) they do they not splatter.

Find a Horocrux. Lose sword. A whole bunch of gold objects get duplicated? Seems like a great way to make bank (in a bank!). They tame a dragon, and escape, and then they undress again.

More sexyness
Guys. They are all legal now I guess. They want you to know this.

Some random scenes later and HEY THEY ARE BACK AT HOGWARTS. Another horocrux is there, but where? Oh man, Death Eaters. They have an hour to make defenses and find the object. Unfortunately during this time, it seems like all Harry is doing is taking his time to stare out of his window and talk to Luna, or slowly talk to ghosts. No real hurry in his eyes. But who has Hurry? Every other student in Hogwarts. It seems like (until the stand off is called), there are students just running. Running everywhere. They never get to where they are going, I assume. Because all you see in the background is people running places, and yeah.

RUNNING
“Ball? Wheres the ball? I’M LOOKING FOR A BALL WHERE IS IT!!!?” – Me imagining all the students as dogs.

So Harry finds it in the obvious place to look. He also saves the Nazi kid. Then there is a scene with fire reminiscent of the famous Mummy 2 scenes. But you know, fire, not dust.

Blah blah blah. SNAPE DIES. And apparently he was trying to help all along. To the snake. Let me tell you about the Snake. The snake is in this movie for one reason. To make 3D worth it. It seems like every scene involving the snake is it “coming at you”, more or less, which looks probably cool in 3D, but without it, just annoying as shit.

Snaaaaaaaaaake
To be fair, this has been true in all the movies. A cheap ploy.

Blah blah. Standoff. Harry realizes the snake is the last horocrux. JUST KIDDING. Harry is too. Accidentally. So Harry has to die for Voldemorte to die. So he does that. After some ghost talk. But he does have a resurrection stone on him? So I guess it doesn’t matter. He still has a nice trippy scene with Dumbledore in a very white train station. But hey, he comes back into action after Neville gives a sweet speech and busts out the sword. He does it stupidly though, and does it many feet away from the snake. If he took a few more steps, we could have had a dead snake, and less dumb CGI 3D Lunging action.

During all this, Harry and balddude have their duel. Turns out a wand doens’t belong to balddude, it leaves his grip, and immediately he turns to dust. Like. What? Harry didn’t even hit him with anything, just removed his wand, and bam, dead time. Weird, since he only had that specific wand these last few movies. Must be because all the horocruxes died? I guess?

Anyways, they die, so good conquers evil. Harry presumably lives a normal life, where he has multiple children, and his second child is all nervous about going through a makeshift wall, even though he obviously did it when he went to the train station with his older brother (just how like his younger sister is doing it then) hey long sentence how are you doing.

Epilogue
Also in the epilogue you will see that time was not good to the nazi boy.

Overall, this movie had good special effects. Mostly. The escape from the hidden room on brooms looked like it had pretty shitty effects. Obviously just people hanging out in front of a green screen, feeling (even if it wasn’t). It also had a lot of questionable scenes for a “holy shit we are all going to die”, like Harry not running to his destinations in the castle. Or too many kids running (when they are all supposed to be either in one hiding spot or helping. Not just running). Or dumb CGI snakes. I feel like Part 1 and Part 2 had a lot of filler, which was annoying as they were both over 2 hours.

I think Part 1 and Part 2 could have easily been just one movie, but turning a last book into two movies seems to be a popular money grab.

Oh well. Maybe they will cut out the crap, and just give me one movie in the next reboot.

2 out of 4.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 1

This is NOT a review of the books, or a comparison of them. Also, these reviews will be SLATHERED with spoilers. So, there is the warning.

Harry Potter is Daniel Radcliff, Ron Weasley is Rupert Grint, and Hermoine is Emma Watson. Also, Alan Rickman is Snape, Michael Gambon is Dumbledore, well, not really. He is dead.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1

Yay! The final year at Hogwarts! That means the final movie!

What? They split his final year into two movies? Alright well, thats dumb. But okay.

What? He isn’t going to school at all? This is just a random year of his life then. A random important year. But wheres my schoolyard shenanigans?

Neville Broom
Like in the first movie.

Hmm. So at the beginning, they try and trick the Death Eaters and Bald Dude. Apparently when Harry turns 17 he is no longer protected by his moms corpse, and bald dude can get him! So they make a whole bunch of copies of HP, and fly off in different directions to the ginger’s house.

HP
Hotttttttttt

Too bad it doesn’t help. His BIRD and Bug Eye dude die. Way to go Harry. Causing problems.

Blah blah blah. Wedding. Dumbledore’s will. Harry just gets a lame snitch ball. No sword. Then death eater’s screw everything up, so Harry and his friends go into hiding running.

Eventually they get the locket after sneaking into the government place with disguises. They get locket. Then they try to destroy it the rest of the movie.

Searching. Snake attack. SWORD IN A LAKE WHAT!

Then they soon get caught by the Nazi family, and end up escaping. Because, of Dobby, the House Elf, and his ability to just transport at will.

Dobby
Yay Dobby!

Also some people switch up wands, but Dobby also gets owned. And the movie dies with his death.

Gahh. The bigger death than Dumbledore was Dobby? Surprise surprise.

So, as a stand alone movie. This one would be kinda pointless. They need to find like, 4 more Horocruxes or something? And they found 1? Got a cool sword though at least. Thankfully, because of the “part 1” this is not a stand alone film. And shouldn’t be judged as a different one. I wish they came out at the same time, because If you had only got to see this movie, you should feel pretty let down.

Sure, acting is fine. Emotions are felt. Music and visuals are great. But also, just have to wonder what the point is?

Because of all this, the movie just gets an average rating. It doesn’t mean anything.

2 out of 4.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

This is NOT a review of the books, or a comparison of them. Also, these reviews will be SLATHERED with spoilers. So, there is the warning.

Harry Potter is Daniel Radcliff, Ron Weasley is Rupert Grint, and Hermoine is Emma Watson. Also, Alan Rickman is Snape, Michael Gambon is Dumbledore.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

EVERYONE RUN. VOLDEMORT IS IN POWER. SECRETLY. HE CONTROLS THE GOVERNMENT AND PRINT MEDIA. NOTHING CAN BE DONE TO SAVE US NOW.

OH NOES
This is what they WANT you to believe is happening.

Also Snape is a dick, promising to help kill Dumbledore if that blonde mean dude fails. What a dick.

The beginning of the movie also features a trip to see some fat dude, who we have to presume will be the new defense against the dark arts teacher, but no, Jim Broadbent is brought in for potions? You mean Snape finally gets to teach the class he wants? That is crazy. I guess you wouldn’t want to give Zidler from Moulin Rouge! too much power.

Zidler
“We’re going to turn Hogwarts into a theaaaaaaaaterrrrrrrrrrrr!”

Also Helena Bonham Carter is running around as some bad ass person, killing everybody that she wants to.

So what happens in this movie is Harry ends up cheating in Potions, using a book that has all the correct ways to make potions in them. Why are the books they using so inept? I don’t know. But this one is better. Signed by the Half-Blood Prince. Also has some nifty cheat code magic spells too. Too bad they really fuck a guy up.

They learn that bald dude is so powerful because he has put his soul into six different objects, much like a Lich would have with a Phylactery. To destroy Vdude, must destroy them all first. And that is what this movie is about. I think Dumbledore already killed one, and at the end they go and kill another.

BUT FIRST. Harry gets a luck potion. Or a potion that makes everything work for him for a duration time. That is awesome. It is pretty much the magic form of the best X-Men character ever, Longshot, who has the mutant ability to have things just go his way, always.

Longshot
“So wait. You are in a different galaxy. And a cyborg. Yet you have a mutant ability too? To just be lucky? Doesn’t that seem like cheating at life?”

Alright. So they go to find a Horocrux, Dumbledore and Harry. Dumbledore has to drink a whole pot of water, almost killing him (Like alcohol?) and then they fight some zombies. They get the thing and go home, but the thing was fake. Fuck. Then SNAPE KILLS DUMBLEDORE.

Dumbledore Snape
Roughly like this.

OH NO. AND SNAPE WAS THE HALF-BLOOD PRINCE. Now Harry is all angsty, his best old gay friend is dead. The dude who hates him killed him. And that same dude helped him cheat in school. Where are your morals, Potter? Where?

So then he says that he wont go back to school. I guess realizing that he should be expelled for pseudo cheating. Instead he is going to kill a bald dude.

VoldeHarry
Or the other way around. Who is to say?

So this movie was pretty great. It had a darker tone than the other movies. Its effects were top notch too, really capturing the Blu-Ray technology. This movie, like the last two, ends in death, so I have to assume the next two will as well. Eventually, ending all the movies the same way kind of feels like a cop out. But with two movies left, and each death being more important (Diggory –> Sirius –> Dumbledore –> ? –> Voldemort/Potter), I have no idea who would die in the next one.

I almost care about the character too, now that Harry found love in a Ginger, and that he doesn’t look like a tool anymore. Still kind of an angsty teen, but not a tool.

3 out of 4.

Harry Potter: Cups of Orderly Fire Birds


This is NOT a review of the books, or a comparison of them. Also, these reviews will be SLATHERED with spoilers. So, there is the warning.

Harry Potter is Daniel Radcliff, Ron Weasley is Rupert Grint, and Hermoine is Emma Watson.

In the next movies, somehow Hermoine gets more attractive and Harry somehow gets uglier.

Point!
If only there was a picture I could find to show that point.

Harry Potter and the Goblet Of Fire

Finally! A movie that has everything I could want. Edward Cullen.

Hawblet Of Hyre
Much more taller and cooler than Harry Potter.

Finally, this movie helps us realize that more than one person is awesome in this school. Cedric is older, cooler, better with the ladies, and most likely to be wizarding president, or something like that. In fact, he is chosen to represent the school at some tournament versus other foreign stereotypical wizard schools. There is more than one!? Shit. More important stuff.

There is a new teacher to replace the last three, and he is creepy with a weird eye. Snape is still a jerk. Gandalf is still gay. But you know what? This movie is highly entertaining. It is great when a movie sticks to a tournament structure and actually goes through all the stages of the tournament, with no funny business. Minus Harry sneaking is way in. That jerk.

ALSO. That ugly bald guy is finally in the movie. He is some weird house far away from the rest of the action, but hey, he is still being an asshole. In fact, he kills Cedric! No one else sees it happen, but Harry. So no one believes it. But shit, that has to suck, having that dead body on his conscious. I hope Harry doesn’t have anything else like that happen to him.

Dulmbadore
Foreshadowing.

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

This is the last movie to feature lame British people at the beginning. This time that replacement teacher is an older, grown up pink lady who works for the man.

Umbridge
She just screams oppression.

Also what happens in this movie? Well Sirius dies. And that is about it.

Dumbledore gets kicked out of Hogwarts in the movie, but don’t worry, by the end he is back. They start up a club to learn to fight (which helps make Dumbledore get kicked out, due to poor name choices) and that is good. But they still can’t beat Voldemorts people yet. And uhh. Yeah. This movie is like a really slow montage, that doesn’t equate to immediate victory.

But yeah. If this movie was a season of Buffy, to me it would be season 1. Just mostly felt like filler. I pretty much hated this movie. I didn’t see the point.

Compared to the book, sure whatever, a lot happens. But in the movie? Ehhh..Nothing important.

I thought the only other important thing would be that people know that Voldemort is back, but six sweeps that bad boy under the rug.

Mad Eye Moody
At least we still have big eyes. Who is the live action version of Mr. DeMartino.

These films we see a more mature cast, easier to look at, if Harry didn’t have such ugly hair. We get a better explanation of the Wizarding world, both in its government and its “more than one school ness”. Similarly, these movies amp up the stakes. PG-13, no longer that G stuff. Just imagine if this series gained a rating per film? 5 would be quite a different experience, and who knows about the last few.

The comparison between 4 and 5 for me is just crazy. I love four, I hate five. Apparently this is not what most people thing? But most people might just compare it to the books, hell if I know.

HP4:4 out of 4.
HP5:1 out of 4.

Harry Potter: Stones, Secrets, and Sirius



This is NOT a review of the books, or a comparison of them. Also, these reviews will be SLATHERED with spoilers. So, there is the warning.

Harry Potter is Daniel Radcliff, Ron Weasley is Rupert Grint, and Hermoine is Emma Watson. There are some other people, but who cares after the main three. The goal of the series was to have all the actors play the same role for all 7 (At the time, but now 8 ) movies! Lets see how that worked out.

Dumbledores
It doesn’t.

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone

This first movie is very very simple. It has to get you caught up on the backstory (or origin), who the bad guys are, how the world works, etc. So you can consider this movie to be like the first movie of a superhero series, if it makes it easier. Like all good superheros, Harry Potter also lost his parents at an early age. While most superheroes still find themselves in a good situation, loving family, Harry gets the short end of the stick and has to live in an abusive house. The people in the house are the only real non magic users we learn about in this series, so I kinda just have to assume all British people are like that.

Science
Logic!

Blah blah. Big scary hairy guy tells him he is special. Steals him to a witch school (where no Muggles are allowed. Hmm. Seems kind of racist. Flaw in the series? I’m not saying Muggles and Wizards are different races. But the people in the movie do. Really, to compare it to superheroes, they are like Mutants. Since two non-mutants can still make a mutant baby.

At mutant orphan school, he is picked on by Alan Rickman, is talked about behind is back, and learns to do magic. Like normal middle/high school. Some gay old man takes a special interest in him, and the rest is history.

Oh yeah. And some guy with another dude on his head tries to kill him through a series of weird games and three headed dogs to get to a stone that lets people live forever. That part was just weird though.

Quirrel Head
Really, this just looks like some sort of artsy statue.

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Year 2! Life at home still sucks. School doesn’t. Turns out homeboy can talk to Snakes. That’d be amazing to me, you know, if these same people weren’t also flying around, shooting off spells and shit.

Some famous book guy replaces guy with two heads who tried to kill Harry as a teacher, and he also is inept at the job. Also, people are dying. Giant Basilisk in sewers? Oh no, evil dude who is dead kinda went to school here, had a diary (hah…) and tricked Harry! Don’t worry. The diary dies by the end, and all the kids are no longer stone.


What is going on here? Is he looking away so he doesn’t become stone? Why doesn’t the basilisk just bite him?

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

Year 3! Home sucks, school doesn’t. Another new teacher, also inept, also suspicious. This one involves wearwolves though!

Oh. And shit. Dangerous criminals escaped from Prison. That sucks. More magic learning, more hall sneaking, more no good doing. Also, time travel. They got everything under the sun pretty much in this movie. Even that Dumbledore guy seemed confused by it all. HEY WAIT.

THAT’S A DIFFERENT ACTOR! SHENANIGANS!

Dancing Dumbledore?
Thankfully the actor change wasn’t this significant.

Richards Harris died before the third of eight movies! All of their plans, ruined! Guess they shouldn’t have picked such an old actor for such a long project. Oh well, enter Michael Gambon.

I can’t even remember if Voldermort is in this movie. I know it has animal rights stuff. But I think this one just has his lackies.

Oh yeah, and the escaped convict is Gary Oldman, not actually a murderer, and Harry’s godfather. So his last remaining “family” even though that word is a big stretch still.

HP and Joker
Why so serious, Black? This works because Oldman is in the Batman movies too.

So, I know they wanted authentic purposes. But I find the kids in the first movie to now just be creepy, based on their age. The first movie, when compared to the others kind of moves at a lot slower pace. Afterall, its the origin movie. With everything getting explained, it might bore future watchings. The second movie I usually just call a continuation of the first. Still a bunch of little kids. Still a bunch of explaining.

The third movie I think is the first to take on its own complete story and tell it well. It is interesting, and all of the components are interesting too, not confusing. Confusing is an easy adjective to give to movies dealing with any form of time travel too, so that is a great thing to pull off.

Obviously I remember the least from the second movie so it must not have had much of lasting impression on me, right?


HP1: 2 out of 4.
HP2: 1 out of 4.
HP3: 3 out of 4.