Tag: Mandy Moore

The Darkest Minds

Didn’t you know? Didn’t you know it was time for another young adult dystopian book to transition into movie magic?

Because we need more of these teenage trilogies to copy the success of The Hunger Games. You know, start off strong, and get really terrible and no one care by the time the final film comes around.

I didn’t want to watch the trailer for The Darkest Minds before going into it, but I had to make sure my kid could see it as well. And the trailer is more than enough to know to pass on this film.

Rails
Let’s stand around naturally, yes, yes, good. This is how kids hang.

Set in the future, or not, maybe just some other Earth, kids start dying. They don’t know why, but a long disease with a long acronym is blamed that scientists are trying to stop. Just people under 17, spaz out and die suddenly. Like SIDS on steroids I guess. But not all kids die. In fact, quite coincidentally, the ones who do not die get powers instead.

No, not random powers. Just one of a set of five. They are going to get super smart, levitate items, or create/control electricity, probably. These are the most common and “acceptable” level of powers. They correspond to the colors of green, blue, and yellow. Next is Orange, and it involves memories, mind control, thought shit. Ruby (Amandla Stenberg), our hero, is going to be like this. The government when they start rounding up these rabble rousing kids wants to terminate the oranges on site, because they are scary. And then there is Red. And ooooh boy, apparently Red is so big bad and scary they gotta keep it a secret from us assholes, and they are also on the to be killed level.

Ruby has had these powers for six years in a concentration camp, pretending to be a green, and anyone that would test her or question her she would just mind control them into believing her lie. Good times. Until her secret gets too far out, meaning she has to bust out with some helpful adults. Because this is a dystopian novel, no one really means anything they say they mean. And now Ruby has to run around this world, trusting few, guessing, and getting misinformation and very few details because bad plot reasons.

Also starring Bradley Whitford, Mandy Moore, Gwendoline Christie, Harris Dickinson, Patrick Gibson, Miya Cech, and Skylan Brooks.

Color
Guys, guys, guys. Let’s just not acknowledge color, that will fix things.

Oh goodness, it was worse than I thought. I figured this could be cool if it really played up the X-Men element and less the cookie cutter young adult element. But alas, powers barely seem to matter.

Because they decided to make powers fall neatly into five categories, all nicely color coded based on how the eyes bright up when powers happen. Oh good, it is time for cliques and boring grouping again. Grouping is a common and lazy theme in these novels.

There are a lot of holes and stupid plot points in this movie. I feel like throwing a few out there that I recall, some that could be spoilers. Some of these are things thst can be explored in the book but are happily ignored in the movie.

For example, we have a diseases that kills everyone 17 and under? Not at once but over a time span? And the people who don’t die from it also at the same time get powers, but only one of five specific but very different things? Like, why? Why? This is something that might be explained by book three, but there is certainly no one in the movie even asking the most basic questions right now and that is non sensical.

The powers are so stupid. Smarts, telekinesis, electrical control, okay. Those are the main three? Fine. Orange being mind control and memory things? Fine again. Cool. But to make red seem like an extremely scary thing as well, and story wise keep it a secret also makes no sense. It is supposed to be a big surprise, and I was surprised only on how boring it is. It’s fire. It’s fire everyone. Like shooting fire from mouths specifically. Okay. Why is that worse than lightning? Who the fuck knows.

The movie went the boring exposition route of having the main character be new to the events around her so she is just a passenger. It allows the film to explain all these groups to us and to her but never the full story. Because suspense. That’s now how people talk.

When traitors are revealed it isn’t a surprise, it was obvious from moment zero. There is no reason to trust this person at all, and yet, it happens. When the red powers are finally shown we see them fuck up the place. But, the place is supposed to be used over and over. Why are they blowing shit up now when it should be a normal occurrence? Why did we have a long montage of an abandoned mall that seemed to be only in one store, and then finally an attack? Based on their explanation they would have attacked right away.

Why do powers fluctuate? Why would two people who have the power of being smart argue about a situation that has one right answer? Can someone be more smart from the magical same power? Why do we have an orange make everyone kneel and obey but not the four people who are causing problems and trying to escape? Why is there powr disparities when it is convenient? Lazy writing.

What happens to kids when they are above 17? Do powers go away? Will new kids die or gain powers? Why are so many things based on sound frequency difference of ages when presumably people who were 17 and powers now are 23 and powers and not affected by these measures?

Anyways. I’m done. This film is bad. It is rushed. Things aren’t explained. Effects are whatever. Just a mesh of other things with a non unique approach and a waste of time.

0 out of 4.

American Dreamz

Alright movie theaters, I am going to need you to calm the hell down. I want to watch some of my own dvds damn it, but its hard to do that when I see 4 new movies a week in theaters. Taking up all the review spots! So sometimes, I just have to put my foot down and say no. I am watching American Dreamz damn it. Err, it came out in 2006? Shit, I thought it was newer. My bad. But I am still writing this dang review!

Aww
Hmm, Hugh Grant looks kind of like an evil genius here.

The President of the United States, President Staton (Dennis Quaid, definitely not a Bush parody), is having a nervous breakdown. He just got reelected, but now he is reading the newspapers, first time in years, and people don’t like him or his war! What! He just refuses to leave the White House or do anything, hanging out in his pajamas. But he does like the TV show American Dreamz. What is that? A singing competition, where a group of singers move on round after round, and the winner gets a contract! (Definitely not a parody of any other American show).

Speaking of American Dreamz, they are in a pissy. They are the top rated show, but they want even MORE ratings. The showrunner/main judge, Martin Tweed (Hugh Grant) demands that they get something unique, not more of the same. An egotistical southern girl who sings decently, Sally (Mandy Moore)? That is boring. But if she has a boyfriend in the military (Chris Klein), that makes it a bit better. Maybe get a middle eastern guy too, like Omer (Sam Golzari). Who cares if the singing is shit, diversity like that can build ratings!

Know what else can build ratings? Convincing the president to be a guest judge on the season finale of the show. The president loves the show, maybe it can be enough to knock him out of his funk and be liked again? Hopefully no terrorist attack will ruin the occasion either. >.>

Also featuring Willem Dafoe, Seth Meyers and John Cho.

Jazz Hands
Will most of America find themselves Omar-sexual?

The problems with Satires is that if you don’t understand the satire, you won’t get it and probably hate it. But if you do get the satire, you will find yourself nodding in agreement and enjoying it, but you are already converted, so to speak. No one gains any new information really, so if it is satire to send a political message, you aren’t actually convincing any one of anything. Your side agrees, the other side doesn’t get it. Then that is it.

American Dreamz is a very silly film, and it isn’t subtle in the slightest what it is going for. It has some comedic potential, but I personally found a lot of it to be bland.

The ending, was both shocking and amazing. I didn’t see it coming, and was also over the top ridiculous.

No one really shined in the movie, and I can’t ever see myself wanting to see it again.

1 out of 4.

Love, Wedding, Marriage

This movie was dumb. I was bored with it. It did have Charlie from It’s Always Sunny and Alyson Hannigan in it though. That was interesting. I won’t tag them to sour their names. Really didn’t care about what happened most of the movie. Mandy Moore was the main role, and really, she didn’t do anything special. It just felt like a typical romantic comedy, and even the name just seems to be a mash up of key words to try and get all

Alarm
STEREOTYPE ALARM. STEREOTYPE ALARM. STEREOTYPE ALARM.

Whoa whoa whoa. Sorry. I was about to make the assumption that all women love romantic comedies and respond to certain buzz words. But all the women I know who saw this movie (okay, only two) both hated it. So there ya go. It wasn’t too good. It didn’t make me rage in anger though.

1 out of 4.

Tangled

Good job Flynn, showing up right when Rapunzel turns 18 and when she is DTF. Wait what?

Tongue Flynn Tangled
He learned all his moves from that Chameleon, if ya know what I’m sayin’.

“Tangled” says this chick was stolen from her kingdom after being born by an evil witch. Her hair is magical, so she is using her hair to stay young. Vain witches are vain. The sheltered bitch doesn’t understand why on her birthday all these lanterns light up the sky, but she really wants to see it. Of course vain witch says no. Thankfully, there is Flynn, the rapist! I mean thief.
What?

Questionable Signs
I mean, it doesn’t say WHY he is wanted. You know, if you ignore the word Thief at the bottom.

So she finds a way out and goes on a wacky adventure, being chased by smart horses, other thieves, guards, and witches. I hope no one ever has any reason to use her. That would be rude.

Chuck from Chuck does the voice of Flynn, making the movie instantly better. I cant even remember the songs in it, but I know there is at least one. The academy awards taught me this. Mandy Moore is in here, and like every other movie I see her in, I have no real clue who she is. Was she a singer? Always an actress? What? Despite not a big role, we also get Hellboy as a voice actor. I feel like he never gets big roles anymore. This is a sham.

This is also very gorgeous movie, you should watch it on Blu-Ray.

3 out of 4.