Tag: Keith David

The Nice Guys

Nice guys have gotten a lot of bad press lately. And that is because of the “nice guys” trying to take advantage of women by befriending them and expecting sex and berating them and being not nice people. So calling someone a nice guy is a pretty big insult.

And The Nice Guys movie happens to be coming out the same day as The Angry Bird Movie, what a whirlwind of emotions!

Fun fact, if you look at the last names of the leads of this film, you will realize that they are also, in fact, birds, making this seem like something more than a coincidence.

A gosling is a baby goose, for those uninformed shitters out there!

Holland March (Ryan Gosling) is a private eye, raising his daughter, Holly (Angourie Rice), alone. He mostly works sex jobs and things involving the porn industry, and screwing over old ladies into getting paid for working cases. Jackson Healy (Russell Crowe) is a hired muscle, paid to beat up stalkers, people messing with young women or daughters, just creeps in general.

And life is good for them both in the late 1970’s. That is until Healy is paid to beat up March, for “stalking” some chick named Amelia (Margaret Qualley). Except March wasn’t even looking for Amelia. He was paid to find Misty Mountains (Murielle Telio), a porn star who died a few days earlier, but whose aunt swore she saw her later.

Everything seemed to be going great after the beat down, until Healy headed back home and found two thugs (Beau Knapp, Keith David) trying to kill him. They too are looking for Amelia, whom Healy hasn’t seen in quite a few days. Something bigger is going on with this girl, and if he wants to feel safe at his home, he has to find her. So he might as well get some help. And he only knows why investigator who has any sort of luck finding her. You know it.

And then some shit goes down.

Also starring Kim Basinger, Yaya DaCosta, Matt Bomer, Jack Kilmer, Ty Simpkins, and Hannibal Buress as a giant killer bee.

Don’t stare. I did just fucking say a giant killer bee.

Ever here of this guy Shane Black? He actually wrote/directed Iron Man 3 and Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, while also writing a bunch of Lethal Weapon movies and more action things. He loves action, and now he has written The Nice Guys, which has been in development hell. Him and his buddy, Joel Silver, a producer, have been just trying to write and rewrite it for years, and eventually they got the actors involved and made it as quick as they could.

And to Mr. Black and Mr. Silver, I would like to say, hey, thanks for keeping up the faith.

The Nice Guys was a hilarious movie. Gosling and Crowe have an incredible chemistry despite their age differences and in general very different film history. The comedy and timing between them as practically perfect. And even better than their characters had big flaws, not just strange stereotypes. After watching them in this film, I practically demanded a sequel, but the theater worker claimed he had no control over that.

The only other person worth noting is Angourie Rice, who plays the daughter, and was in the very terrible Walking With Dinosaurs. She was basically a third member of their group and really tied the film together. That also means that that for the most part, the rest of the cast weren’t really notable. And there are some decent names. Bomer felt robotic, Basinger/DaCosta didn’t feel natural, and Qualley as Amelia was forgettable.

A great action comedy for the leads and one that I hope spawns a future movie. It is still a film worth watching in theaters, but equally a good idea to watch with a group of friends at 3 am on a Saturday morning.

3 out of 4.

Stomp The Yard 2: Homecoming

Yay, a sequel! I literally don’t know a single movie about step dancing other than these two. The first one, Stomp the Yard, I didn’t know was about stepping until I saw it. It was okay. So of course I was excited for the sequel, Stomp The Yard 2: Homecoming. Sequels to dance movies are always bigger and badder, with sweeter movies and, well, shittier plots usually.

So hopefully, it is sexy. Because if not, I have a whole bunch of other never heard of dance movies to get through to find the secret amazing one..

Weird Face
Holy crap, this guy has a weird face in this picture. How unfortunate.

Hey, this sequel actually takes place at the same place! Truth University. Shit, it even has the same two frats vying for attention, with the good guys being the same frat, and the bad guys being the same frat. How edgy.

Well, DJ from the first film has long graduated. Despite being made a few years later, this actually occurs many years later. The thetas are on another losing streak, and they are the number 2 team, again. How familiar. This time, Chance (Collins Pennie) is their new recruit in training! He doesn’t have as many cool new friends as DJ either, so he is really the only guy that matters. He for sure wants to step too, unlike DJ, despite both originally being street dancers. Oh yeah, Chance isn’t as good as DJ. We see him lose his first battle. He just isn’t that good.

But he will be the hero. Sigh.

Good news about Truth University. They get to host this years national tournament, so they don’t have to travel, I guess. Even better, for the winning team of the tournament, their whole team will receive free scholarships to their university. What? How does a national tournament about step dancing have that sort of dough or like…ability to just do that? I got nothing.

There is some random drama. Chance’s uncle (Keith David) runs a restaurant and wants him to work on Homecoming weekend! Despite the fact that he could win free college. Oh yeah, Chance wants to add more modern hip hop dancing to the step dancing. That sounds similar.

He has a love interest (Tika Sumpter), a frat leader (Pooch Hall), and a frat leader enemy (Stephen Boss).

Weird Face 2
Oh god, another weird face. Everyone in this movie has a weird face.

So much similar. So much the same. Yet oh so different.

Let’s see, the plot for this movie, although similar, is a lot worse. The whole movie is darker. No, not skin color. No, not evil. Just literally darker, like they added bull shit filters.

The dancing is a lot worse. The ending was more painful to watch than anything, as their final final performances lacked like, any actual stepping. Just a whole bunch of weird ninja and weird shit. What?

Columbus Short from the first film made a cameo, that was cool. What wasn’t cool was everything else. This movie barely had any dancing, let alone stepping in it. Pitiful plot, poor drama, shitty acting for everyone. Even Keith David. Poor Keith David.

So much shit. So much worse than the first movie. So much fucking disappointment.

0 out of 4.


Watching random horror films is almost my go to now. Since I am so far behind, I look for one with a shitty or silly cover, and just go for it.

Smiley? That shit creeped me out. Dude has some sort of skin face, with eyes and a smile face stitched in, no real other features.

What is more surprising, regardless, is that the director of this film is Michael J. Gallagher, who you haven’t heard of. Why? Because as of Sept 1, 2013, he is only 24 years old, directing Smiley when he was 22/23. He has been directing shorts and other things since 2005, when he was 16, so the dude knows what he wants. It is just strange to see a movie at all directed by someone younger than 40, more or less. Kevin Smith directed Clerks when he was only 24, and look what happened to him. Can this guy be the next K. Smith?

That smile is like, mocking me. Go away creeper.


This movie takes place in a super modern world, where teenagers and college kids actually know about the internet. They have 4chan, Reddit, Anonymous hacker group and all of that shit. They also have a strange version of Chat Roulette. Okay, it is identical yo Chat Roulette minus the name. However, there is an urban legend going around that there is a dark entity that can kill people over video chat if you summon him.

“HOW DO YOU SUMMON HIM?” you ask, quite loudly. Well, you just have to type in the magic phrase three times.

“WHAT IS THE MAGIC PHRASE?” stop yelling.

I did it for the lulz.
I did it for the lulz.
I did it for the lulz.

Yeah. I am serious, this is true for the movie. You also have to want the person to die, it won’t work if you don’t believe. But when some college kids start testing its limits, they begin to freak out when they realize that Smiley knows what they look like, as he can see them through the other webcam. What if, after he kills for you, he eventually comes for you?

Starring Caitlin Gerard as our heroine, Melanie Papalia, Shane Dawson, and Andrew James Allen as other college kids, Keith David and Toby Turner as cops, and Roger Bart as an ethics professor.

Wait. Roger Bart? That dude. He was the singing voice of Young Hercules in Hercules. Weird as fuck.

I did your mom for the lulz
I did your mom for the lulz.

Smiley is beyond ridiculous. You can tell from my description I hope. A young director does mean we get to see a movie about things that teens and college people know about today, so that was interesting.

The ending featured a twist I can say I didn’t see coming, but I loved, even if it didn’t really make sense. What they were trying to get at was pretty cool, and the implications of it in the real world can be felt. Sorry, trying to not give away the twist, but I am just sounding like a Vague Valerie.

Shit, just watch it maybe. Or let me spoil it for you. Or look it up. Either way, kind of a shitty movie, but it was a bit entertaining.

2 out of 4.

Cloud Atlas

And then there is Cloud Atlas.

What? Don’t like that I kind of just started this review mid thought? Well get used to it, if you want to watch Cloud Atlas. Featuring an all star cast, this movie takes place over time and space, to tell a simple message.

And by simple message, I mean you might have to see this movie multiple times.

Just like they might have to give actors multiple roles. For symbolism!

You might be wondering, “Hey, Gorgon Reviews. What the fuck is going on in this movie? It looks confusing! Do I have to think during my movie time? Is it really 3 hours if you include previews? Fuck that noise.”

Well first off, I don’t know what that last part means.

But hey, I can explain the structure. There are six different settings that the story takes place in. South Pacific, 1869, a lawyer goes to settle a transaction (slavery!), but finds himself extremely sick on the way back home. He befriends a stowaway slave, and must fight the poison.

England, 1936, a young gay musician travels to work for an old and dying composer, becoming an apprentice and making his own work entitled Cloud Atlas.

San Francisco, 1973, a crime story involving a young reporter getting a big scoop that things may not be on the up and up at a new nuclear power plant.

London, 2012, no Olympics. The story of an older publisher who gets into some crime trouble, then forced to live in a retirement home where there is no escape. Yes, this is the more comedic storyline.

Neo Seoul, 2144, a story of a clone who escaped her job and learned to develop feelings, knowledge, and become a god.

Hawaii, 106 years after “The Fall”, a goat herder, haunted by his past, has to work with a technologically superior human to figure out where they all came from.

Get all that? Those are rough descriptions of the eras, that have their stories interweaved throughout the movie, sometime simultaneously. If for some reason you didn’t know yet, all of the characters play multiple roles, some of the bigger ones being Tom Hanks, Halle Berry, Hugo Weaving, Jim Broadbent, Jim Stugess, Ben Whishaw, and Doona Bae.

Hell, just to confuse you more, some actors play the same character, just in different times of their life. I’m looking at you James D’Arcy. There are other big names as well, with lesser roles, such as Keith David, David Gyasi, Susan Sarandon, Xun Zhou, and Hugh Grant. I was personally confused by Mr. Grant, as I only noticed one of his roles when I first saw it, and had my brain convince me that Hugo Weaving was doing a REALLY GOOD Hugh Grant impersonation.

Dude. Bro. The Future Bro. Dude.

Like all crazy movies, this one is not without controversy. Namely the Media Action Network for Asian Americans, because yes, some of the white actors were asian characters in Seoul. They complained of eye make up, and that they should have just found some nice asian actors for the role. You know, making one part of the movie completely different from the others because of people playing one role. But because they didn’t care about Doona Bae wearing white ginger make up, or Halle Berry as a white woman, I am calling their complaints racist and turning the table on them. Get out of her guys.

I actually did make a flow chart on my board, mostly as a joke. I’d suggest only looking at it, here, if you have seen it to avoid any spoilers.

The best way to describe this movie is Intense. There is so much going on, so much kind of connected, and so much feeling. When you are done with it, you are left only with feelings. Unfortunately the plot isn’t perfect, there were things I am still confused on today. I could read the book, but ehhh. There are a lot of themes, most of them relatable, but mostly I think it is about the emotions.

Cloud Atlas is going to be a movie that requires multiple viewings to get the full effect out of it, and I am glad The Wachowski Siblings made it, if only for the large mammal sized balls they must possess.

3 out of 4.

Don McKay

Ominous cloud. Confused people. Dead body.

These are the things on the cover of Don McKay. Despite all of that, it doesn’t show much excitement, but more sadness. And mystery. But since I never heard of it, and I got the Blu-Ray for only $1…

Well you know the rest.

He just got a letter, I wonder who it’s from?!

Don McKay (Thomas Haden Church) is a janitor at a school, and a long way from his home. Twenty five years since he moved away, and he gets a letter from the woman he used to love, Sonny (Elisabeth Shue). He left town because he was a suspect in an unsolved murder, but no real evidence. Creepy. Either way, she says she is dying and loves him, and wants to die with him by her side. Okay, that is creepy too.

He meets her care taker, Marie (Melissa Leo), and her doctor Lance (James Rebhorn). After he gets some sex, and the ladies are out, he is attacked by Lance for an unknown reason, and a struggle for his life, and Don ends up killing Lance with a broken glass bottle. What in the what?

Don quickly tries to hide the body in the nearby wooded area, freaking out. He gets stung by a bee also, which he is allergic too, and passes out, waking up in the hospital. No one seems to know about the body yet! And Sonny wants to propose. Interesting.

Needless to say he realizes something fishy is going on. He tries to contact his old friend Otis (Keith David) who doesn’t like knowing that he was contacted just to help hide a body. Also Pruitt Taylor Vince is in this movie as well, but his role is more of a plot spoiler.

Why is everyone in this movie so weird? Why are they so vague with Sonny’s disease?

Angst face is full of angst.

Man, this movie. Man.

While potentially having an amazing plot, and almost going to amazing “Oh shit! Didn’t see that coming!” moments, the things that ruined it was the slowness, the lame acting, and the boringness. Reason 3 probably relates to Reason 1 there.

But holy crap, does this movie move slow. Not only that, but Don’s face seems to look like that the whole entire movie. Solemn and grumpy, and almost lost. The whole damn time. I think the best performance is from Melissa Leo, but still didn’t find it too great. I found it hard to care about the characters who looked and acted so uninteresting to me.

There are like, three plot twists in this movie roughly, the third being especially creepy and unexpected. But twists or not, it could not save me from the dullness I felt from this film.

0 out of 4.