Tag: Kate Upton

Did anyone hear about The Layover? No? It wasn’t really thatrically released? Sort of buried? Mostly VOD/straight to DVD?

Huh that is strange. Because the two leads are pretty darn famous.

But let’s face it. The only reason I even heard about this film is because it was directed by William H. Macy. Before he directed The Layover, he directed Rudderless, which I actually really liked.

So even though the movie seemed like a bad sexy comedy, I figured it still deserved a chance.

BFF stands for breast friends forever.

Meg (Kate Upton) and Kate (Alexandra Daddario) are actually best friends, and not only that, live with each other in the same apartment! Two twenty-something ladies, totally successful, living with their friends, yeah! Kate is a teacher, and being asked to leave her job due to a student talking about anime tentacle porn, and Meg is involved with selling supplements from North Korea. So yeah, they both made poor choices.

Well, Meg made more poor choices. Kate is getting screwed over. Before they go and pout, Meg goes and spends more of their money on a trip to Florida! On the way there, on the plane, sitting right between them, they get to meet Ryan (Matt Barr), who I guess is a cutie with a bootie. Kate is in a funk and might need a good shag, and Meg is used to getting what she wants. So they join into a little game, to seduce this Ryan man.

And good news, they have plenty of time to do it. Due to weather concerns, their plane has to land far away from their destination. You know, a layover. And now they can hang out with him outside of a plane, and I guess do a slut-off to see who can seduce him the best.

Get it? Layover? Get it?

Also featuring Matt Jones and Kal Penn.

I think he is trying to secretly take pictures for his sex wall.

Welp. No. Just no.

The Layover did not end up being a better film than the cover suggested. Macy be damned, but this is not a good follow up to Rudderless at all.

I mean, what you see is what you expect. But technically, if you are a perv watching a sex comedy for titillation, you expect at least some nakedness, but of course this film doesn´t have any of that either. This is like a strip club version of a sex comedy, just a big tease.

Want to see two ladies jump into a pool in a bad diving competition? Or to just sabotage each other over and over? Or even just have a straight up fist fight near the end, you know, over a man? Then sure, give this film a chance.

Everyone else will just give this film the obvious hard pass it deserves, because you wouldn´t even known it existed.

The Other Woman?

Huh? Didn’t I review this movie already? A few years ago in 2009 starring Natalie Portman. Oh sorry, that was called The Other Woman, not…wait, okay yeah, same title. I guess that one was a drama.

Apparently it is a popular title though, because there was also The Other Woman from 2008, The Other Woman from 1995, and The Other Woman from 1992. Damn, a lot of ladies being cheated on by women up in here. To compare, I only see one other movie called The Other Man, which I also reviewed. I guess that just means men are pigs, and women rarely cheat in a relationship?

“There’s the gu- GET HIM!!!!”

Carly Whitten (Cameron Diaz) is a high powered lawyer. But don’t worry, her job isn’t at all relevant to the film. She starts seeing Mark King (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau), it is great. They are exclusive, she doesn’t want to sleep around, she finds no faults.

Until she finds out he has (record screech) a wife! Kate (Leslie Mann) is… well a house wife. No job because he pays for it all, doing business stuff, and no kids. Just boredom. So she doesn’t have many friends that her own either. So once the cat is out of the bag and they figure it out, she turns to Carly to rant and to scheme.

THEN THEY FIND OUT HE HAS ANOTHER LADY! Amber (Kate Upton), a young, dumb, blonde.

Hell, there might even be a fourth. No spoilers.

But the three find each other and decide they can want to get even and ruin him. After all, the three of them combined means they might be able to get that one man. Err.

Also starring Taylor Kinney as the brother of the wife, because why not, and Nicki Minaj as a receptionist, because they hate us.

Here are your heroes. Walking. Being women.

First of all, I think this movie was designed to fail Bechdel Test for the entire length of a movie. I don’t think there is a scene that doesn’t involve women talking about men. That’s the whole movie.

Second of all, fuck Nikki Minaj being in this movie. Her role is pointless, it was a role that could have gone to anyone, and her nasally talking voice doesn’t help. Related? Kate Upton’s role in this film is also basically pointless. Literally, could have been no one, because she had barely any lines, despite being in half the movie.

Third, the ending was terrible. Their plan was…really simple. There was no intrigue to it. It happened. The guy got owned. And then the movie basically ended. A lot of build up to the moment without a lot of payoff.

So, why the rating?

Leslie Fucking Mann. She was hilarious in this movie. Cameron Diaz was meh. Somehow Leslie Mann though was off the chart and saved this movie from being a shit show. I am shocked as you. I never expected that I would praise her role in a movie, but there you go.

Very basic story, rent it on Red Box eventually for Leslie Mann.

So today I did something I never did before.

I used a “Redbox” because I was curious as to their stock. Frankly I was confused by it. Some of the movies in the one I went to were still there from like January. That stuff is old. Not productive to a box without any personality or pizazz. So I picked one of the few movies they had that were relatively new and available. The Three Stooges it is!

This movie is rated PG, for potential groping.

In this movie, the humble beginnings of Larry (Sean Hayes), Moe (Chris Diamantopoulos), and Curly (Will Sasso) began by being dropped off at an orphanage. Even had the same creepy hair. Mother Superior (Jane Lynch) took them in and they were all happy. But by 10 years later, they were a complete mess. Good natured, but a mess, accident prone, and annoying.

But when a rich lawyer Mr. Harter (Stephen Collins) comes in to adopt a boy, the nuns trick him into taking Moe. But Moe would really like it if they adopted his two best pals too. Knowing how much his friends meant to him, they went back to the orphanage…and chose a new kid Tedd (Kirby Heyborne). Many years later they are still at the orphanage (eh) but adults. And the orphanage is closing! They need $830,000 in a month or else it is gone, and the kids go to foster homes. So the trio set off to raise the money in no time, much to the appreciation (mostly that they are leaving) of the nuns (Kate Upton, Larry David, Jennifer Hudson).

Well shit doesn’t go so well, but eventually a mysterious woman Lydia (Sofia Vergara) offers them the exact price they need, in exchange for the murder of her husband. She tries to trick them into thinking her husband agrees with it, with the help of Mac (Craig Bierko) the secret lover, but still something is fishy.

So while getting to the bottom of the mess, some more hijinks ensue, including Moe becoming a cast member of The Jersey Shore. Yes, so you get to see all of them in this movie too, a lot. But the good news is, we also get the Old Spice guy, Isaiah Mustafa, as an agent. Which sucks for his future career work, but hey at least he has a job.

Well, at least they got each other. That is all that really matters.

So you know what? I don’t even know what to say. Obviously we all know why they made this movie. Because originality is hard, and bringing back old things is not. They have an already set fan base of potential people who would watch, along with the fans families to introduce the old subject to their kids in a new way. No kid really likes to watch old black and white things.

Aside from that, and the more subtle adult jokes that kids won’t be able to kid, really all it is is a heavily slapstick movie, with a silly murder plot that never once seems serious. So probably entirely appropriate for a three stooges movie. But just because something once was loved, doesn’t mean it rehashed later still will be.

Things change, including comedy, and well, if they were alive I don’t think they’d like this movie version of themselves. Also this movie totally ended with a PSA from the brothers who made it saying violence is bad, and the props were all fake. Good going, I guess.