Tag: Julie Benz

Havenhurst

Havenhurst came about on my radar because, like at least 50 reviews on this website, my flashdrive was left at home and I needed something.

But I will admit I liked the name. It could technically be considered a calming or warm sounding place, but at the same time, the opposite of all that. It brings up the idea of a haunted house, thanks to those double H’s. It could really draw up some fears of isolation or claustrophobia.

Then again, the main draws for me for this film were the short run time and the fact that I recognized a lead. I am but a simple sheep, at the end of the day.

Coppers
Havenhurst harks homeless hotties and heinous harbingers of hazard. .

Jackie (Julie Benz) loooooves her alcohol. In fact, she is an alcoholic. But she is trying to get beyond that, going to those meetings and getting her life back on her feet. Thankfully, there are many opportunities for her.

One of them is Havenhurst, a hotel/apartment esque building that offers homes and rooms for those working on recovery. They can stay there as long as they need, unless they return to their vice, whatever it is. Then old Eleanor (Fionnula Flanagan) will evict them, no questions asked, and they are on their own to make mistakes, never again to return.

Well, Jackie had a friend there, Danielle (Danielle Harris), but she went missing. She might have been evicted and gone somewhere else, but she hasn’t seen her in so long she suspects maybe some foul play.

The hotel seems to change over time, some of its hallways, and she hears screams occasionally. Thankfully she has a foster kid sidekick (Belle Shouse) and a cop friend (Josh Stamberg) to occasionally have them listen to her theories.

Also featuring Toby Huss, Douglas Tait, Dendrie Taylor, and Jennifer Blanc-Biehn.

Girl
“Oh no a bad guy, get him little girl!”

Havenhurst opens with a death of a character. Sometimes horror films take awhile to get scary, Havenhurst said no, death first, then plot, then more death. The death just felt silly though, without context, putting me in a mood ripe for making fun of the film. It doesn’t help that this film attempts to maintain some levels of mystery so that the viewer can sort of play along with our hero, except that right away we know that yeah, there is some murders afoot, so she isn’t crazy.

And a film has an uphill battle if it wants to maintain some suspense while also basically letting the viewer know a whole lot more than the characters. Usually mysteries are from the point of view of the protagonist with a few teasing moments.

I am annoyed at how un-seriously I took this film. Because when it revealed a bit more information (in a pretty silly way), I loved the idea they presented. Again, it was presented in a bad way, in more ways than one, but the connection to American lore was top notch.

Havenhurst has below average plot, acting, thrills, and more. Thankfully it is short and we can all move on from this film.

1 out of 4.

Circle

I apologize. I have been doing mostly main stream movies lately. My only weird outlet has been in terms of documentaries, which also have been pretty standard lately.

But no, I need to take time every once in awhile to do something weird. Those indie and low budget movies you haven’t heard about. Which is why I picked Circle today. I heard about it a few weeks ago, and since I could remember the title, knew it was weird, and it was short (hey, I have time crunches some times), it was the perfect movie to review.

All

Fifty people. Strangers (mostly). They find themselves in a two tiered circle. You can visually see it above. They are each standing in their own red circle. If they try to step off, an alarm goes off. If they touch someone else, an alarm goes off. And in the middle of the circle is a mysterious sphere.

There is a African American man (Coley Speaks). A husband (Matt Corboy) and a wife (Julie Benz). A rich man (Daniel Lench), a pastor (Kurt Long), and a Bruce (David Reivers).

Every few minutes a deep thumping sound occurs from the center, and sure enough, a lightning beam shoots out of it and kills one of our fifty participants. Fuck. Don’t worry, you won’t get piles of bodies, they get whisked away, somewhat magically into the darkness around the room, never to be seen again. Turns out if you leave your circle or touch people after the warning, you too get shot and killed. Definitely a rough life.

There is a bearded man (Kaiwi Lyman). There is the first man that talks (Kevin Sheridan), and a silent man (Muneer Katchi). There is a college kid (Carter Jenkins), an atheist (Rene Heger) and an Eric (Michael Nardelli).

Oh see those arrows? Turns out if they turn their hands, the arrows light up around the room and only they can see their arrow. Turns out they get to vote on who is the next to get killed every time the thumping starts. Now things get interested. Who do they decide to kill? What happens when there is a tie? Does the last person alive get to leave? What if there are two people left, do they tie and both die? Fuck.

There is a soldier (Jordi Vilasuso), an Asian kid (Lawrence Kao) and a lawyer (Michael McLafferty). There is a pretty girl (Sara Sanderson), a tattooed man (Cesar Garcia) and a lesbian (Mercy Malick).

There is a cancer survivor (Lisa Pelikan), a one handed man (Zachary James Rukavina), a pregnant woman (Allegra Masters) and an 11 year old girl (Molly Jackson).

College guy

I do love me some psychological thrillers. I also love me some movies that take place for the most part in one room. I also love me some dialogue based movies. Needless to say, this movie has them all. An interesting premise, a constant guessing game who is going to die, and lots of arguing. Everyone is talking to save themselves, but some people get caught up in the moment. You can see several games and plans characters have to ensure their own survival, and it is wonderful. I also definitely enjoyed the ending.

There is one bad thing, technically. The acting. There is a lot of people involved, so it is all over the place. A lot of it is kind of shit. But I forgave it for the nice concept and story.

Honestly not much more I can say about this one. Under 90 minutes, on Netflix, and a nice way to spend the evening. Unless you aren’t into slightly weird shit.

3 out of 4.

Saw (Franchise)

Hooray 550th review! Err. Okay. Not actually an important milestone, but every 50 seems like a good enough reason for me to do a special longer movie. (Like Twilight 1, 2, 3, 4a, High School Musical (and spinoff), Dark Knight, and Clash Of The Titans).

Recently I finally finished the Saw franchise, and the last four films of the series fit my time frame for reviews. But that’d be weird to review just 4-7 right? Sure, why not. Although it is kind of like 2 trilogies, and a “bonus overall movie connecting even more shit” together. Needless to say, there are tons of spoilers. If you want to know, yes watch the first one at least, it is the best. After that

jig saw dawl
Let The Games Begin!

Saw

Fuck your horror genre. That is what the first Saw said. It begins with Adam (Leigh Whannell) waking up in a tub full of water! It is a dark medical (?) room, and also features a Dr. Lawrence Gordon (Cary Elwes), chained to the wall. Oh, Adam is chained to the wall too. But once they get light on, hey look, dead guy in the middle of the floor. Apparently he shot himself instead of dying to some poison.

Lawrence’s game is to kill Adam before 6pm, or else he loses his wife and kid. They realize they are now victims of the “Jigsaw” killer, some new serial killer who sets victims up in deadly games to fight for survival. They eventually find some hacksaws, that are not strong enough to go through their chains. Nope, have to go through their bones /feet to get out.

as you wish
As You Wish…

At the same time, we have the crime parts of the story. Try to separate them by a picture!
Detective David Tapp (Danny Glover) and Detective Steven Sing (Ken Leung) are trying to find this guy, and investigating people. Like the Doctor, a victim who escaped, and others. Eventually find a warehouse, and hey, booby traps. Steven Sing totally gets dead.

Also, the whole time it seems that Jigsaw is the one holding Lawrence’s family hostage. Nope. Dude “dead” (Tobin Bell) in the middle of the floor, Jigsaw the whole time, fucking with him. Lawrence escapes (despite losing a lot of blood), and shot but did not kill Adam. Jigsaw/John then locks the door to the room, leaving Adam in the dark and chained there, trapped forever. Fucking creepy. Also, watch out Lawrence!!

3 out of 4.

Saw II

THEY ARE BACK. But this time, there is a house of horrors set up with eight people, who have an hour to find the antidotes to a nerve gas being sprayed throughout the house. If they don’t they die, simple. Also other ways to die in this house easily, especially on retrieving the antidote. But wait, is that Amanda (Shawnee Smith)? Yep! The one person to have survived a test from Jigsaw is put into another test. That sucks.
Not only that, but there is a damn kid in there too!

Needles
Turns out I have to show gross pictures with this franchise. Don’t do drugs kids!

That kid being the son of Detective Eric Matthews (Donnie Wahlberg), who just lead a SWAT team to find Tobin Bell. He refuses to go with them, but no resistance, and tells him that he just wants him to sit and talk with him for an hour. While the house game is being played, with cameras, of course.

Eventually Eric loses it, thinks he finds his son, but nope. Empty house. That shit took place earlier in the day, and he only thought it was still happening! His son was locked up with Jigsaw the whole time! Amanda was a double agent! Eric is now trapped to die! Fuck!

2 out of 4.

Saw III

<--rage dude. This time, Jigsaw has a more specific set of tasks for his victim. Jeff (Angus Macfadyen) is a dude mad because his son died, and got little to no help to deal with it. Jigsaw places him in a meat packing plant, and has him come across people who affected the death of his son, whether they didn’t testify in court, bad judges, or the actual killer. He has the chance to save each person, but it is up to him.

Also, Lynn (Bahar Soomekh), is in the same place, but has a shotgun necklace around he neck. She has to keep Jigsaw alive, from his tumor. If he dies, she dies. If she tries to leave, she dies. She can’t leave until Jeff finishes. Amanda is there to make sure shit goes according to plan.

saw 3 surgery
Brain surgery, serious business, but easy to do with bullets around your neck.

Eric actually escaped from his prison at the beginning of the film. Maybe. Other cops are in this movie, but they are more important next film. Lets just say one of them dies. Also it is unusual to note that someone passed a task early on in the film, but the door was welded shut, making survival impossible. A big change from the normal games, kind of fucked up. (Severely fucked up, actually).

But more importantly, Amanda won’t let Lynn leave! She shoots Lynn, which Jeff sees and shoots Amanda! Turns out Lynn and Jeff were married, and Amanda “failed” her test to follow Jigsaw’s orders. Who dies. HE DIES? THE THIRD MOVIE IN HE DIES? WHAT IN THE FUCK? Sounds dumb, but let’s see what happens. Jeff is now stuck in a different room, with three dead bodies. Awkward.


1 out of 4.

Saw IV

The cops are now more important, so they get top status! Mark Hoffman (Costas Mandylor) finds a tape recorder (protected) in Jigsaw’s stomach. He is definitely dead. He is told he too will be tested. Just not yet.

Lt. Daniel Rigg (Lyriq Bent) is our fun victim now. Totally in the last movie too, along with Mark. They realize that there is no way Amanda or John could have set up a cop who died in the last film, so someone else must be working on it. Agent Peter Strahm (Scott Patterson) believes Rigg is at fault. But that is just racism.

Rigg is abducted at his own home, and put in a city wide game. He has to figure out clues, go from building to building to “realize” how Jigsaw works, and get in the right state of mind. Most importantly, he has 90 minutes to do it, or else Eric (from movie two yes), and Mark (From above) will both be killed. Rigg himself has it easy. Agent Lindsey Perez (Athena Karkanis) and Peter are following the trail, trying to catch up. She totally gets blasted during this shit.

first
The first saw trap. Too bad this movie wasn’t called Machete.

Who isn’t as important yet? Jigsaw’s wife. Jill Tuck (Betsy Russell) was pregnant, and had Jigsaw’s baby. Pre Jigsaw, when he was just John. She was a nurse. But forced miscarriage thanks to a robber junkie, who Jigsaw felt the need to punish (above). The famous puppet was meant for his son. Sad.

The two detectives are also trying to figure out what she knows, which is apparently nothing. Rigg was supposed to learn to slow down and not rush into things, but nope. He does. He ends up setting off the trap to kill both Eric and Mark. Or does he?

But then?! Mark gets up and frees himself, not dead! What?! He leaves Rigg to die, and goes on, because he was the accomplice. Also, that autopsy? Takes place after the events in the film. Whoops. Also that Peter guy thought he was in the right spot, but was actually in the same building as Jeff from film 3. Peter shoots Jeff in confusion, whoops.

1 out of 4.

Saw V

Getting confused yet? Too bad.

This time the special trap is arranged for five people (in the fifth Saw film, crazy!). They are all chained at the neck and attached to the same rope. Blades behind them, keys ahead of them. One minute timer, who will survive? Turns out four of them. These people, connected by a burning building, are mostly corrupt people, but not entirely bad. I mean, Brit (Julie Benz) is one of them after all.

They have to go through the traps, where one person at a time ends up having to be killed.

the gang
Wow, some of these people are actually famous!

Detective wise? Some weird shit. Way too many flashbacks. Needless to say, Peter thinks Mark is the accomplice. Trying to gather proof, Mark sets it up to make it look like Peter did it instead. They do a lot of back and forth shady shit, but Mark totally convinces everyone. Then Peter accidentally lets Mark escape (thinking it a trap) and gets caught and dies himself, so that Mark can run away free.

Also the five people? They were morons. The traps could have been completed just as easily with zero deaths, if they had thought a bit more. All it did was make the final test of getting 10 pints of blood with saws with 2 people much harder than with 5. (I thought all the non five people plot was dumb in this one, by the way. Too many flash backs and bullshit).

2 out of 4.

Saw VI

Fuck big time insurance companies! This is a film with a message! William Eastbridge (Peter Outerbridge) runs one of them, and didn’t approve of a Norwegian test for Jigsaw to take for Cancer. Jigsaw didn’t like him choosing who lives or dies, so he set up a test…doing just that. He is pitted against his own employees who work for him, and has to help save them while hurting himself potentially. Including the famous scene of the six interns, strapped to a spinning wheel, with a shotgun. He can only save up to two, and if he takes some pain to do it. All while they plead to save them too.

roulette
Chat Roulette, in real life. 4 out of 6 will get paired up with a dick (killed), the other 2, friendly strangers (life).

Lot of more crime bullshit. Everyone thinks Peter did it now. Except Lindsey, who was Peter’s partner in Saw 4. She totally didn’t die, secrets! Mark receives instructions from Jill, that she got from Jigsaw’s will, to kill some more people. But the cops are on to him, and note the recording is different and are able to to figure out who the new voice was. So he kills them all. Fuck those guys. Fuck em. But Jill was told by her husband to kill Mark, ending it all. He gets reverse bear trapped, and survives, despite not having a real way too. Tears his cheek though.

And insurance dude? The people watching it were supposed to be his “family”, but it turns out the family we saw were people who lost their dad/husband over one of his decisions, and the family was just his sister. They decide his fate, and yeah, they mad.

0 out of 4.

Saw 3D: The Final Chapter

It’s finally over right! Nope. Because Mark survived. What in the fuck fuck. Mark is mad, wants to go after Jill.

Turns out there is a group of people who meet to talk about surviving Jigsaw’s puzzles. So we see some people from the past, including Dr. Lawrence, whats up cripple! We get to see how he escaped without his foot. This is all lead by Bobby (Sean Patrick Flanery), a liar. He claims to have escaped from a puzzle, but its all a lie to be a grief counselor and make money.

Well Mark captures him of course. Puts him through a trial, where he has to save his friends and agent and lover. But he fucks some shit up, saves like no one, and can’t even pass the same test he claimed to have conquered in his speeches.

3d saint
Oh no, they got the Boondock Saints now too!?

Mark is trying to end all this shit now. Especially because Jill went into police custody, to rat him out for protection. He tries to burn up all of his evidence, and leads the SWAT team on a trap to actually break into police head quarters to kill everyone in his path to Jill. Who he reverse bear traps as well, but this time, it works! Yay, Mark is now off scott free. Until people in masks capture him too.

Hey look, how he is chained to the wall, where the first Saw film took place. Oh what’s that, Dr. Lawrence was ALSO working with Jigsaw the whole time after escape? I guess that makes some sense, they needed a doctor for some of that crazy surgery shit. Either way, he decides to not leave him the hacksaw, and leaves him to die, stuck in the room, starving to death in the dark. How dare he fuck with Jigsaw’s wife.

2 out of 4.

Conclusion

Did I talk enough about this? In case you didn’t know, this shit is torture porn.

I thought the first film was brilliant, the second film had some moments, and the third one was confusing and dumb. Killing off the main killer left us with shitty twist accomplice story lines, and made him seem like an Omnipotent figure who could plan all this shit out. I say bull to that.

The crime figuring it out stuff was a mess, because it felt like they just kept throwing new characters at me to learn and forget. The sixth movie was dreadful, because it was too full of messages. “I don’t like how you decided who lives or dies, so I am going to make you decide who lives or dies”. I was very upset when traps started having lose/lose scenarios, with no chance of survival. But that was all that dick Mark’s fault, who didn’t follow Jigsaw at all.

But hey, at least Cary Elwes came back!

dread pirate roberts
And you know, wasn’t killed by the Dread Pirate Roberts.

Punisher: War Zone

I had to watch this movie. I just did. Punisher: War Zone is the only movie since 1995 to be based off of a Marvel character that I haven’t seen yet.

I really didn’t know much about this movie. I just knew that they changed the main actor from the last Punisher movie, which I actually liked on its own. That and no one gave a damn about this sequel. Oh well, just have to see what happens.

For science!

punisher guns
Hey look, he killed some people.

No more back story for The Punisher (Ray Stevenson), we all know his deal. His assistant is Microchip (Wayne Knight) and good at tech shit.

He takes out a bunch of mob people, but some escape! A detective, Martin Soap (Dash Mihok) lets him know where, a recycling plant! Shit happens, people die, and Billy (Dominic West) falls into a glass bottle shredder thing to presumable die. Well he doesn’t. His face gets fucked up, lots of stitches. Makes it look like a puzzle piece, so that means he is now Jigsaw and a villain.

During this stuff, the Punisher ends up killing an undercover agent, not that he knew there was one there or anything. Makes the cops pissed off at him, and the guys former partner Paul (Colin Salmon) is set to bring the Punisher in. Also, Jigsaw frees his brother, Loony Bin Jim (Doug Hutchinson), a deranged cannibal, to help stop the Punisher.

Punisher is upset, killing an innocent man of course. So he tries to make it up with the guys now widowed wife (Julie Benz) and daughter, and wants to retire. But cant, because Jigsaw will just mess with the family until he does something about it.

Then some revenge happens, terrorism, difficult choices, etc. And that is about it.

Jigsaw
Jigsaw. Not to be confused with the villain in the Saw movies.

I have to admit, my expectations for the movie weren’t the highest going in to it, but the movie didn’t do much at all to try and convince me other wise. The plot was weak, and I didn’t care for any of the acting. Any of it!

And this is Ray Stevenson! Kicked all sorts of ass in Kill The Irishman. Did nothing for me at all.

It felt like the movie took me 2.5 hours to watch (and is around 100 minutes only) in terms of holding my interest. Just a film that only had violence and that is all. Is that all there is to the Punisher? I hope not.

0 out of 4.

The Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day

I had to rush out an “Irish movie” for St. Patrick’s Day, but it turns out there aren’t many of those that exist. I don’t want to watch Leap Year (at all), but it also kind of celebrates a different holiday.

So how about The Boondock Saints II: All Saint’s Day? As we have discussed before, there is no way making a sequel many years later could be a bad thing.

Boondocks 2
Also with less fucking uses of the word fuck.

The movie begins eight years after the end of the first Boondock Saints. After the final assassination, they fled to Ireland. Murphy (Norman Reedus), Connor (Sean Patrick Flanery), and their father (Billy Connolly). But after an assassination occurs in Boston by someone else trying to frame the Saints, they realize, hey, lets go stop them.

On the way they meet Romeo (Clifton Collins Jr.), a Mexican underground fighter, who serves as a nice “Rocco” replacement and joins them. They also learn that the son of the guy from the first movie is out and about, and probably set up the hit against them (Judd Nelson).

Oh yeah, wouldn’t be a Saints film without detectives trying to figure out what is going on. Now that Willem Dafoe‘s character is dead, his protege, Julie Benz, is on the case. She also comes with the same group of bumbling idiots, and tries to imitate Dafoe’s character, but you know, doesn’t do as good.

But yeah. Back to Boston, fix their name, assassination highjinks / very lucky, avoiding the law, and stopping a crime boss. End scene!

Saints days kneel
Sorry, there is no good pictures on the Internet from the sequel.

I realize not everyone liked the first Saints movie, but it does have a huge cult following, and made bank on DVD sales, so that is why the sequel eventually happened. And I think everyone who was hoping for magic let out a collective sigh of disappointment.

While it does seem to provide more of the same stuff we should like, it also feels, just not the same. It is hard to describe why it isn’t as good, because then I’d have to explain why I thought the first saints was good. I guess I thought it was clever, and going against stereotypes for movies like it (famous rope scene and all), but just didn’t find it present in the sequel.

Benz was pretty bad too, trying to do the exact same thing as Dafoe, but not being Dafoe it just seemed like a parody. I already said that, but it needed reinforcement.

Reinforcement is a weird word.

1 out of 4.