Tag: Joely Richardson

Maggie

Fun fact about my brother: Maggie was his most anticipated movie of the summer of 2015. Not Avengers: Age of Ultron. Not Jurassic World. Not Mad Max: Fury Road. No, he wanted to see Maggie. I found that extremely interesting, but none of you should, because most of you won’t know my brother.

Maggie didn’t have a huge release and didn’t have any screenings for critics. However, it did come out on Video on Demand at the same time as its theatrical release, so hey, look at me now, getting to watch it in the restfulness of my own home, where I can cry if I want to. Where I can leave my friends behind. Because if they don’t cry, and if you cry, well, they might leave you behind.

Eyes
Or maybe they just don’t have fully functional eyes.

That’s right. Zombies. But this is a slower zombie movie. So get your drink ahead of time, because you have to pay attention. I think overall, maybe only five or so zombies get killed the whole movie. There is a Necroambulist virus that has spread throughout the world. It might spread throughout food and regular contamination things. Also if you get bit by one, of course. Well, the movie starts with Maggie (Abigail Breslin) calling home as she is in the city after curfew and she wants to be alone. Well, her dad, Wade (Arnold Schwarzenegger) didn’t care about that. No, he is getting his daughter.

You see, Maggie has been bitten and she will slowly (very slowly) turn into a zombie. She doesn’t have to be placed into quarantine yet. She can go home to the farm and live a peaceful few days before her disease makes her too deadheaded. She can say goodbye to her friends, family, maybe get some good last meal in, who knows.

And that is about it! Life sucks when you know you are going to die. It also sucks when you know you will turn into a creature that looks kind of like you that will eat the flesh of your friends and family, potentially.

There you have it. A zombie tale about the slow decay of a person into madness. But with Arnold! And, sure, Raeden Greer, Bryce Romero, and Joely Richardson too.

Arndstop
“That skin condition is not a tumahh.”

So, I am not going to say I cried because I actually didn’t. But man, did I feel some emotion throughout it.

The movie felt a bit weird at first, kind of quick, lot going on with very little explanation. The movie makes you pay attention or else you might just get lost and ignore the rest of the plot.

Schwarzenegger and Breslin are actually really great in this film. The former is not known for his drama, but he played the part of a concerned father really well. And of course it wasn’t balls to the wall with action like his normal films. Breslin played the part of a frantic teenager, again, really well. But she just had to do with her arm decaying and losing vision and her mind.

The reason I am giving it this rating is that despite all of that, it still feels a bit too slow for me. I enjoyed the acting, just I know I don’t think I’d want to watch it again. Maybe a shorter cut would fix the issues. I don’t think the slow movement helps build up the tense situations later on, I think they just delay the best parts.

2 out of 4.

Endless Love

Endless Love is another 1980s movie remake coming out this Valentine’s Day weekend. Unlike About Last Night and RoboCop however, I never saw the original.

This allowed me to come into this movie with a completely open mind! From the trailer, it looks like it is going to go super serious with it all. I actually liked the trailer, using a slower version of Addicted To Love. From the way it is set up, I am almost certain someone is going to die by the end of the movie. Someone has to, right?

Car Rides
My official guess was neither of the main characters too. I guessed The Butler!

The Butterfield family is the cream of the crop in this small town. Their fortune simply came from being in a long line of doctors. Unfortunately, the eldest child, Chris, died of cancer before he could go off to college and carry on the family legacy. Now it is up to Jade (Gabriella Wilde) to kick butt in high school and get into Brown! So she does that, but through the sadness of her brother’s death, and focusing on grades, she never really made any friends, or boyfriends, or lived life at all!

But then there is David (Alex Pettyfer), who has liked her for years but never talked to her, for some reason. Well, now that she is about to leave for an internship, it seems like a good time to talk to her?

After a few romantic gestures, she falls hard for him, maybe just because someone else is finally nice to her.

Unfortunately, he has no college aspirations, and isn’t rich, so the dad (Bruce Greenwood) hates him, despite her mother (Joely Richardson) and other brother (Rhys Wakefield) totally thinking he is awesome.

Blah blah, blah blah, forbidden love, fleeting lust, and maybe someone dies.

Robert Patrick plays David’s father, and Dayo Okeniyi plays his best friend.

Kissing
Fuck. This film should have just been named Endless Kiss, amirite?

Hmm. Endless Love might have had the chance to be a good story. It could have been kind of great. But it never really elevated out of poorly acted drama, and never in anyway felt believable.

It is a travesty that love is even in the film title, when this is one of the most obvious cases of lust getting out of hand that I have ever seen. Arguably, that could be the point of the movie. The teens feel like it is a great love, when really, they have known each for like, a week. But that “moral” was never really explored at all by the end, so I would have a hard time arguing for it. No, we just got two teenagers overreacting, and then overreacting even more. Like an exponential function.

The melodrama was high with this movie. Maybe even over 9000 units of melodrama.

I might have rated it higher, if the ending wasn’t so cheesy and bad. I felt like nothing was really gained or learned by the characters, outside of the normal “teehee, love!” bullcrap that romance novels try to portray. I’d like to say I am romantic person and generally will rate romance or RomComs pretty high, but this one could never stick.

Just so we are clear, I am saying something like About Time, a romance movie about time travel, is more realistic than Endless Love in basically every aspect. That is how fake everything felt to me.

1 out of 4.