The Culture High

Drugs! Have I tackled any documentaries about drugs in any way on my website yet? Looks like I haven’t.

Me and drugs have an interesting relationship. Or at least a lack of one. I don’t understand them, have no desire to do them, yet also, don’t care if other people do them. I know the basic things. Like pot. Pot is definitely less dangerous than smoking and alcohol, and I support people’s right to do those things. I am the kind of guy who thinks people should be able to do whatever they want, for the most part, as long as it doesn’t endanger others.

The Culture High is about that, but at the same time, way way way more.

Like. Literally everything. The documentary is at 2 hours length, and it has so much dang information in it. It isn’t just about marijuana, and its health benefits or lack thereof. No, it is about the entire drug industry, pharmaceutical to the war on drugs. It is about for profit prisons and incarceration rates. It even touched on the Kids for Cash thing. It is about lobbying groups and bribing politicians to follow corporate interests. It is about how sweet the Internet is and how the government would rather it be controlled.

I mean. Shit. It is probably secretly about your mother as well.

It is apparently also about my fifth grade science project.

Did I mention this was about everything? Because holy shit, it got around and I really want to emphasize this point. I can’t even begin to talk about all the people they had talking. From news correspondents, to people who have earned PhDs, to Joe Rogan, to everyone in between.

Despite all the great info, most of which I have seen before in documentaries focused solely to one topic, it felt like the documentary overall seemed to lack focus because of it. The flow was off. I kind of forgot every once in awhile that this was about marijuana legality in America!

This is the type of documentary that would be good for someone’s first ever documentary if they had no idea some of the shady shit that went down in America. But for me, it could have had a stronger focus. I technically don’t care if pot gets legalized or not. Like I already said, I am all for rights.

But my main con is that it just smells super damn terrible. Makes me almost vomit.

Febreeze yourself, please.

3 out of 4.

Here Comes The Boom

Regardless of how good or bad the movie Here Comes The Boom ends up being, I think we all should give Kevin James some serious credit. He lost over 80 lbs for this movie, trained with MMA fighters (already being a big fan), and actually grew the muscle you see in the film.

Strong man
You see that? That is perseverance if anything.

Scott Voss (James) is a down and out high school biology teacher. He gives zero fucks right now about his life, and is late quite often to teaching his own class. How does he teach? He lays back and lets them do book work, very little interaction. Ten years ago he was teacher of the year! He used to care then! But with budget cuts and changes in policy, he has lost all will to care. But you know who does care? Marty Streb (Henry Winkler), the music teacher. Not only that, but at his old age he has a kid on the way! So much passion, so little time. However, the school budget is being cut, and his job is gone after next year.

Well, Scott can’t accept that. He loves the orchaestra music he hears. They need to raise the money! But with out any other teachers willing to help, except for the school nurse (Salma Hayek). After teaching a few nigh time citizenship classes for extra funds, Scott agrees to tutor Niko (Bas Rutten), a large man from Holland who introduces him to UFC and other MMA events. What’s that? Even the loser makes cash? Well, shit! Scott used to wrestle in college, twenty years ago, he can just do that to earn money much faster!

Here Comes The Boom is one man’s quest to lose (and hey, maybe sometimes win) to save his new friends job at a high school that just doesn’t seem to care anymore. Also featuring Joe Rogan as himself, and Charice as a school girl in his class, who you might recognize as Sunshine for a few episodes on Glee.

Oh there is no way he doesn’t make it to the big times with this all star talent in his corner.

I know this may come as a shock, but the song Boom – P.O.D. is actually featured quite heavily in this movie. Who’d have thought?!

As expected, this film doesn’t offer much in terms of unique never before seen moments of film. It has its Rocky moments, but its hard to do a fighting movie without them. It even reminds me a bit of Warrior, one of the better/underrated films of 2011, as one of the main characters was a teacher who was trying to raise money through MMA fighting. That one being a lot more realistic, having him lose his job once the school found out about his second life and all.

But hey, this is a family movie with a happy ending. The drama that happens is expected, as is the conclusion to the story. I wouldn’t describe this as Kevin James’ worst movie, but it isn’t his best either. Henry Winkler brought a lot of heart to the movie though, and Bas Rutten had enough energy to be exciting as well. Basically, without reading a review, most of you could guess on how the movie would turn out, a pretty average film.

2 out of 4.

The Zookeeper

A long time ago I saw the Kevin James stand up special, Sweat the Small Stuff on Comedy Central. I thought to myself, man, he should be in movies. He could totally be the lead of a great comedy.

But then they gave me Paul Blart: Mall Cop.

Paul Blart Mall Cop
Right here he is doing way more work than expected of a real mall cop.

Movie had a lot of potential, but was probably ruined by being PG. Oh well. But then I get The Zookeeper. Damn it, another PG movie! Rating is going to be my whole basis for why this movie wasn’t as funny as it could have been .

In this movie, there are no magical properties given to Kevin James, it is just that animals can always talk and choose not to talk to humans. Fucking selfish animals. But because Kevin James might leave to pursue the woman of his dreams who also treats him badly, they decide to help him out. Because if he leaves, there will only be shitty zookeepers!

One of the first images to pop up when searching for “shitty zookeepers”.

Bring on a bunch of “hilarious” antics from Kevin James as he tries to woo her back over using time tested animal techniques. He has a hard climb, competing against Joe Rogan, so eventually he realizes being an asshole is the best way. But after morals kick in, he makes the obvious better choice of Dr. Rosario Dawson and everyone lives happily ever after. Also Ken Jeong is in this movie, and still creepy.

But really, the story is completely obvious with where it is going. Half of the animal voices sound horrible to listen too. It offers up pretty much nothing new to the family friendly talking animal movie. But also, Rosario Dawson not being his first choice is just redonkulous anyways. I did laugh at the first scene for sure though. And the ‘kick’ scene at the end.

1 out of 4.