Tag: Harry Potter

It has been five years since Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 hit our theater screens and ended the Snape is great series. Seven books, eight films, and honestly, it ended it a bit lamer thanks to the split in my mind. But I am over there.

But what if there were more books out there to milk the franchise? I remember when I was a kid when the books were only four volumes deep. My parent gave me Christmas presents, and in them included Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them and Quidditch Through The Ages. Two strange Harry Potter spin off books, one basically just talking about made up creatures, the other talking about a made up sports history. I read them, forgot about them, and moved on with my life.

And now look. Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them is now a movie, a movie based on a book of just made up creatures with no plot whatsoever. Not only that, but it will be FIVE films. And I am okay with it. Mostly because it basically can be whatever it wants to be without getting in anyone’s way. People who read the bestiary won’t get angry that it doesn’t match the book, because there is nothing to match. We can get more magic, without going about it in a weird way, and not involving Potter at all. Awesome. Well done.

Ah, there is a beast right there! I found it!

FBaWtFT is set in the mid 1920’s and in America! Yay America! Our hero is Newt Scamander (Eddie Redmayne), a slightly weird looking wizard with a weirder suitcase. It keeps coming undone, has a broken lock, and of course it is magical. Inside that briefcase he has a large collections of, well, fantastic beasts. They are creatures he has saved or is studying. He has gotten to America in order to bring one of his biggest specimens to Arizona, for its wide open skies and climate.

But things immediately go wrong when one of his creatures gets out. This leads him to bumping into Jacob Kowalski (Dan Fogler), a Non-Maj (non magic user, american wizard term for muggle). A guy who just wants to get a loan to become a baker. Their suitcases get mixed up, and Kowalski unknowingly lets some more beasts into NYC. They are followed by Tina Goldstein (Katherine Waterson), a government magic employee who wants to bring Scamander in for his suitcase and for being undocumented. Needless to say in the mix up, she ends up helping Scamander and Kowalski get the beasts back, along with her sister Queenie (Alison Sudol).

While all this is happening? There is a bad wizard out there, Gellert Grindelwald (Johnny Depp) and causing problems. There is also a magical bad creature wrecking havoc occasionally on NYC, who the magic president (Carmen Ejogo) is going to go and blame on Scamander too.

There is also a relevant plot of a anti-witch woman (Samantha Morton) who is using her orphans or real kids (not sure) to spread witch hysteria. She is also mean to the kids, including the oldest and most emo looking (Ezra Miller). Also there is a littler girl who is important (Faith Wood-Blagrove).

Also featuring Colin Farrell and a heavily CGI’d Ron Perlman!

Heavily CGI’d because Ron Perlman plays that suitcase!

Fantastic Beasts has a lot riding on it. It is the first film of a franchise they want to start, and if it bombs or fails to set up the world they aren’t going to get filthy rich! Also, thankfully, Harry Potter fans eat up anything world related regardless of quality, which is why some shitty book like Harry Potter and the Cursed Child* can somehow win best fantasy book on Goodreads.

With that introduction, Fantastic Beasts wasn’t terrible, it just wasn’t amazing either.

The cast was eclectic, but also felt over stuffed. We had four protagonists really, of which Queenie didn’t seem to do a whole lot. Our Non-Maj was funny, but even he didn’t help with the final encounter (despite a conversation with Queenie about how they were all in it together). They didn’t even show him at the same scene, so I am not sure what the point was. Tina was a character that had her backstory eluded to and explained, but she really had the personality of a wet noodle. It isn’t a bunch of exciting leads like it was with Harry Potter.

In terms of twists, there are technically two of them. The one more important to the plot I didn’t see coming, but the other one by the end felt extremely obvious from one of the first real scenes. It was an annoying reveal, given the circumstances. The ending had a few deus ex machina moments, and was extremely rushed given the overall pace of the film. Editing was surely an issue, given that it was over two hours but still felt like it didn’t give all the important details.

On all of those notes, I did enjoy Redmayne as the lead. His character felt different but not over the top. The beasts shown were diverse and fantastic looking. But I don’t appreciate that the answer to “where to find them” is apparently in his brief case. There is no hunting of beasts in their natural habitat at all. Well, maybe one. The visuals were fun, the briefcase gag was used well, and there were a few cute moments.

Overall, I have no idea where this franchise is going, but I am certain soon it will eventually give us a young Dumbledore, so that is fun.

* – I haven’t read this one yet. I am assuming it is bad though. Judging a book by its cover. I can do that for books, just never movies!

This is NOT a review of the books, or a comparison of them. Also, these reviews will be SLATHERED with spoilers. So, there is the warning.

Harry Potter is Daniel Radcliff, Ron Weasley is Rupert Grint, and Hermoine is Emma Watson. Also, Alan Rickman is Snape, Michael Gambon is Dumbledore, well, not really. He is dead.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2

Woo! Last movie of the series! That means if you ignore the weird Pottermore thing, Harry Potter is done, out of our existence. Until 12-15 years from now when they reboot the series again for a new generation.

This movie takes off where Part 1 left off, as it should. Sadness about a dead Dobby. Immediately, thanks to a goblin, they decide to go to the ultra secure bank. Which one? The only one that exists, as far as the universe is concerned. It ends up going wrong, and thanks to the powers of Hermione’s cleavage (don’t click that link) they do they not splatter.

Find a Horocrux. Lose sword. A whole bunch of gold objects get duplicated? Seems like a great way to make bank (in a bank!). They tame a dragon, and escape, and then they undress again.

Guys. They are all legal now I guess. They want you to know this.

Some random scenes later and HEY THEY ARE BACK AT HOGWARTS. Another horocrux is there, but where? Oh man, Death Eaters. They have an hour to make defenses and find the object. Unfortunately during this time, it seems like all Harry is doing is taking his time to stare out of his window and talk to Luna, or slowly talk to ghosts. No real hurry in his eyes. But who has Hurry? Every other student in Hogwarts. It seems like (until the stand off is called), there are students just running. Running everywhere. They never get to where they are going, I assume. Because all you see in the background is people running places, and yeah.

“Ball? Wheres the ball? I’M LOOKING FOR A BALL WHERE IS IT!!!?” – Me imagining all the students as dogs.

So Harry finds it in the obvious place to look. He also saves the Nazi kid. Then there is a scene with fire reminiscent of the famous Mummy 2 scenes. But you know, fire, not dust.

Blah blah blah. SNAPE DIES. And apparently he was trying to help all along. To the snake. Let me tell you about the Snake. The snake is in this movie for one reason. To make 3D worth it. It seems like every scene involving the snake is it “coming at you”, more or less, which looks probably cool in 3D, but without it, just annoying as shit.

To be fair, this has been true in all the movies. A cheap ploy.

Blah blah. Standoff. Harry realizes the snake is the last horocrux. JUST KIDDING. Harry is too. Accidentally. So Harry has to die for Voldemorte to die. So he does that. After some ghost talk. But he does have a resurrection stone on him? So I guess it doesn’t matter. He still has a nice trippy scene with Dumbledore in a very white train station. But hey, he comes back into action after Neville gives a sweet speech and busts out the sword. He does it stupidly though, and does it many feet away from the snake. If he took a few more steps, we could have had a dead snake, and less dumb CGI 3D Lunging action.

During all this, Harry and balddude have their duel. Turns out a wand doens’t belong to balddude, it leaves his grip, and immediately he turns to dust. Like. What? Harry didn’t even hit him with anything, just removed his wand, and bam, dead time. Weird, since he only had that specific wand these last few movies. Must be because all the horocruxes died? I guess?

Anyways, they die, so good conquers evil. Harry presumably lives a normal life, where he has multiple children, and his second child is all nervous about going through a makeshift wall, even though he obviously did it when he went to the train station with his older brother (just how like his younger sister is doing it then) hey long sentence how are you doing.

Also in the epilogue you will see that time was not good to the nazi boy.

Overall, this movie had good special effects. Mostly. The escape from the hidden room on brooms looked like it had pretty shitty effects. Obviously just people hanging out in front of a green screen, feeling (even if it wasn’t). It also had a lot of questionable scenes for a “holy shit we are all going to die”, like Harry not running to his destinations in the castle. Or too many kids running (when they are all supposed to be either in one hiding spot or helping. Not just running). Or dumb CGI snakes. I feel like Part 1 and Part 2 had a lot of filler, which was annoying as they were both over 2 hours.

I think Part 1 and Part 2 could have easily been just one movie, but turning a last book into two movies seems to be a popular money grab.

Oh well. Maybe they will cut out the crap, and just give me one movie in the next reboot.

This is NOT a review of the books, or a comparison of them. Also, these reviews will be SLATHERED with spoilers. So, there is the warning.

Harry Potter is Daniel Radcliff, Ron Weasley is Rupert Grint, and Hermoine is Emma Watson. Also, Alan Rickman is Snape, Michael Gambon is Dumbledore, well, not really. He is dead.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1

Yay! The final year at Hogwarts! That means the final movie!

What? They split his final year into two movies? Alright well, thats dumb. But okay.

What? He isn’t going to school at all? This is just a random year of his life then. A random important year. But wheres my schoolyard shenanigans?

Like in the first movie.

Hmm. So at the beginning, they try and trick the Death Eaters and Bald Dude. Apparently when Harry turns 17 he is no longer protected by his moms corpse, and bald dude can get him! So they make a whole bunch of copies of HP, and fly off in different directions to the ginger’s house.

Hotttttttttt

Too bad it doesn’t help. His BIRD and Bug Eye dude die. Way to go Harry. Causing problems.

Blah blah blah. Wedding. Dumbledore’s will. Harry just gets a lame snitch ball. No sword. Then death eater’s screw everything up, so Harry and his friends go into hiding running.

Eventually they get the locket after sneaking into the government place with disguises. They get locket. Then they try to destroy it the rest of the movie.

Searching. Snake attack. SWORD IN A LAKE WHAT!

Then they soon get caught by the Nazi family, and end up escaping. Because, of Dobby, the House Elf, and his ability to just transport at will.

Yay Dobby!

Also some people switch up wands, but Dobby also gets owned. And the movie dies with his death.

Gahh. The bigger death than Dumbledore was Dobby? Surprise surprise.

So, as a stand alone movie. This one would be kinda pointless. They need to find like, 4 more Horocruxes or something? And they found 1? Got a cool sword though at least. Thankfully, because of the “part 1” this is not a stand alone film. And shouldn’t be judged as a different one. I wish they came out at the same time, because If you had only got to see this movie, you should feel pretty let down.

Sure, acting is fine. Emotions are felt. Music and visuals are great. But also, just have to wonder what the point is?

Because of all this, the movie just gets an average rating. It doesn’t mean anything.

This is NOT a review of the books, or a comparison of them. Also, these reviews will be SLATHERED with spoilers. So, there is the warning.

Harry Potter is Daniel Radcliff, Ron Weasley is Rupert Grint, and Hermoine is Emma Watson. Also, Alan Rickman is Snape, Michael Gambon is Dumbledore.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

EVERYONE RUN. VOLDEMORT IS IN POWER. SECRETLY. HE CONTROLS THE GOVERNMENT AND PRINT MEDIA. NOTHING CAN BE DONE TO SAVE US NOW.

This is what they WANT you to believe is happening.

Also Snape is a dick, promising to help kill Dumbledore if that blonde mean dude fails. What a dick.

The beginning of the movie also features a trip to see some fat dude, who we have to presume will be the new defense against the dark arts teacher, but no, Jim Broadbent is brought in for potions? You mean Snape finally gets to teach the class he wants? That is crazy. I guess you wouldn’t want to give Zidler from Moulin Rouge! too much power.

“We’re going to turn Hogwarts into a theaaaaaaaaterrrrrrrrrrrr!”

Also Helena Bonham Carter is running around as some bad ass person, killing everybody that she wants to.

So what happens in this movie is Harry ends up cheating in Potions, using a book that has all the correct ways to make potions in them. Why are the books they using so inept? I don’t know. But this one is better. Signed by the Half-Blood Prince. Also has some nifty cheat code magic spells too. Too bad they really fuck a guy up.

They learn that bald dude is so powerful because he has put his soul into six different objects, much like a Lich would have with a Phylactery. To destroy Vdude, must destroy them all first. And that is what this movie is about. I think Dumbledore already killed one, and at the end they go and kill another.

BUT FIRST. Harry gets a luck potion. Or a potion that makes everything work for him for a duration time. That is awesome. It is pretty much the magic form of the best X-Men character ever, Longshot, who has the mutant ability to have things just go his way, always.

“So wait. You are in a different galaxy. And a cyborg. Yet you have a mutant ability too? To just be lucky? Doesn’t that seem like cheating at life?”

Alright. So they go to find a Horocrux, Dumbledore and Harry. Dumbledore has to drink a whole pot of water, almost killing him (Like alcohol?) and then they fight some zombies. They get the thing and go home, but the thing was fake. Fuck. Then SNAPE KILLS DUMBLEDORE.

Roughly like this.

OH NO. AND SNAPE WAS THE HALF-BLOOD PRINCE. Now Harry is all angsty, his best old gay friend is dead. The dude who hates him killed him. And that same dude helped him cheat in school. Where are your morals, Potter? Where?

So then he says that he wont go back to school. I guess realizing that he should be expelled for pseudo cheating. Instead he is going to kill a bald dude.

Or the other way around. Who is to say?

So this movie was pretty great. It had a darker tone than the other movies. Its effects were top notch too, really capturing the Blu-Ray technology. This movie, like the last two, ends in death, so I have to assume the next two will as well. Eventually, ending all the movies the same way kind of feels like a cop out. But with two movies left, and each death being more important (Diggory –> Sirius –> Dumbledore –> ? –> Voldemort/Potter), I have no idea who would die in the next one.

I almost care about the character too, now that Harry found love in a Ginger, and that he doesn’t look like a tool anymore. Still kind of an angsty teen, but not a tool.

This is NOT a review of the books, or a comparison of them. Also, these reviews will be SLATHERED with spoilers. So, there is the warning.

Harry Potter is Daniel Radcliff, Ron Weasley is Rupert Grint, and Hermoine is Emma Watson.

In the next movies, somehow Hermoine gets more attractive and Harry somehow gets uglier.

If only there was a picture I could find to show that point.

Harry Potter and the Goblet Of Fire

Finally! A movie that has everything I could want. Edward Cullen.

Much more taller and cooler than Harry Potter.

Finally, this movie helps us realize that more than one person is awesome in this school. Cedric is older, cooler, better with the ladies, and most likely to be wizarding president, or something like that. In fact, he is chosen to represent the school at some tournament versus other foreign stereotypical wizard schools. There is more than one!? Shit. More important stuff.

There is a new teacher to replace the last three, and he is creepy with a weird eye. Snape is still a jerk. Gandalf is still gay. But you know what? This movie is highly entertaining. It is great when a movie sticks to a tournament structure and actually goes through all the stages of the tournament, with no funny business. Minus Harry sneaking is way in. That jerk.

ALSO. That ugly bald guy is finally in the movie. He is some weird house far away from the rest of the action, but hey, he is still being an asshole. In fact, he kills Cedric! No one else sees it happen, but Harry. So no one believes it. But shit, that has to suck, having that dead body on his conscious. I hope Harry doesn’t have anything else like that happen to him.

Foreshadowing.

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

This is the last movie to feature lame British people at the beginning. This time that replacement teacher is an older, grown up pink lady who works for the man.

She just screams oppression.

Also what happens in this movie? Well Sirius dies. And that is about it.

Dumbledore gets kicked out of Hogwarts in the movie, but don’t worry, by the end he is back. They start up a club to learn to fight (which helps make Dumbledore get kicked out, due to poor name choices) and that is good. But they still can’t beat Voldemorts people yet. And uhh. Yeah. This movie is like a really slow montage, that doesn’t equate to immediate victory.

But yeah. If this movie was a season of Buffy, to me it would be season 1. Just mostly felt like filler. I pretty much hated this movie. I didn’t see the point.

Compared to the book, sure whatever, a lot happens. But in the movie? Ehhh..Nothing important.

I thought the only other important thing would be that people know that Voldemort is back, but six sweeps that bad boy under the rug.

At least we still have big eyes. Who is the live action version of Mr. DeMartino.

These films we see a more mature cast, easier to look at, if Harry didn’t have such ugly hair. We get a better explanation of the Wizarding world, both in its government and its “more than one school ness”. Similarly, these movies amp up the stakes. PG-13, no longer that G stuff. Just imagine if this series gained a rating per film? 5 would be quite a different experience, and who knows about the last few.

The comparison between 4 and 5 for me is just crazy. I love four, I hate five. Apparently this is not what most people thing? But most people might just compare it to the books, hell if I know.

This is NOT a review of the books, or a comparison of them. Also, these reviews will be SLATHERED with spoilers. So, there is the warning.

Harry Potter is Daniel Radcliff, Ron Weasley is Rupert Grint, and Hermoine is Emma Watson. There are some other people, but who cares after the main three. The goal of the series was to have all the actors play the same role for all 7 (At the time, but now 8 ) movies! Lets see how that worked out.

It doesn’t.

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone

This first movie is very very simple. It has to get you caught up on the backstory (or origin), who the bad guys are, how the world works, etc. So you can consider this movie to be like the first movie of a superhero series, if it makes it easier. Like all good superheros, Harry Potter also lost his parents at an early age. While most superheroes still find themselves in a good situation, loving family, Harry gets the short end of the stick and has to live in an abusive house. The people in the house are the only real non magic users we learn about in this series, so I kinda just have to assume all British people are like that.

Logic!

Blah blah. Big scary hairy guy tells him he is special. Steals him to a witch school (where no Muggles are allowed. Hmm. Seems kind of racist. Flaw in the series? I’m not saying Muggles and Wizards are different races. But the people in the movie do. Really, to compare it to superheroes, they are like Mutants. Since two non-mutants can still make a mutant baby.

At mutant orphan school, he is picked on by Alan Rickman, is talked about behind is back, and learns to do magic. Like normal middle/high school. Some gay old man takes a special interest in him, and the rest is history.

Oh yeah. And some guy with another dude on his head tries to kill him through a series of weird games and three headed dogs to get to a stone that lets people live forever. That part was just weird though.

Really, this just looks like some sort of artsy statue.

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Year 2! Life at home still sucks. School doesn’t. Turns out homeboy can talk to Snakes. That’d be amazing to me, you know, if these same people weren’t also flying around, shooting off spells and shit.

Some famous book guy replaces guy with two heads who tried to kill Harry as a teacher, and he also is inept at the job. Also, people are dying. Giant Basilisk in sewers? Oh no, evil dude who is dead kinda went to school here, had a diary (hah…) and tricked Harry! Don’t worry. The diary dies by the end, and all the kids are no longer stone.

What is going on here? Is he looking away so he doesn’t become stone? Why doesn’t the basilisk just bite him?

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

Year 3! Home sucks, school doesn’t. Another new teacher, also inept, also suspicious. This one involves wearwolves though!

Oh. And shit. Dangerous criminals escaped from Prison. That sucks. More magic learning, more hall sneaking, more no good doing. Also, time travel. They got everything under the sun pretty much in this movie. Even that Dumbledore guy seemed confused by it all. HEY WAIT.

THAT’S A DIFFERENT ACTOR! SHENANIGANS!

Thankfully the actor change wasn’t this significant.

Richards Harris died before the third of eight movies! All of their plans, ruined! Guess they shouldn’t have picked such an old actor for such a long project. Oh well, enter Michael Gambon.

I can’t even remember if Voldermort is in this movie. I know it has animal rights stuff. But I think this one just has his lackies.

Oh yeah, and the escaped convict is Gary Oldman, not actually a murderer, and Harry’s godfather. So his last remaining “family” even though that word is a big stretch still.

Why so serious, Black? This works because Oldman is in the Batman movies too.

So, I know they wanted authentic purposes. But I find the kids in the first movie to now just be creepy, based on their age. The first movie, when compared to the others kind of moves at a lot slower pace. Afterall, its the origin movie. With everything getting explained, it might bore future watchings. The second movie I usually just call a continuation of the first. Still a bunch of little kids. Still a bunch of explaining.

The third movie I think is the first to take on its own complete story and tell it well. It is interesting, and all of the components are interesting too, not confusing. Confusing is an easy adjective to give to movies dealing with any form of time travel too, so that is a great thing to pull off.

Obviously I remember the least from the second movie so it must not have had much of lasting impression on me, right?