Tag: Crime

A ha, my first review of a movie that has been guest reviewed! Here I am, following up someone else’s opinion, on my website. Not even mad. I try not to read opinions about film before I write my own, so obviously, my review of The Iceman breaks that creed unfortunately. If you want to read their review of The Iceman, click that link I just linked.

The flipped across the vertical line version of this picture exists on the internet. I…I don’t know which one is real.

The Iceman tells the true story of Richard Kuklinski (Michael Shannon), a famed Polish man who killed over 100 men as a contract killer in NYC. He was arrested in 1986, much to the surprise of his friends and family who did not know he was leading a double life for so many years to provide for his loved ones. Well, not his brother (Stephen Dorff), he was a dick and in prison already. For killing a man. What a criminal.

Of course, he didn’t start as a contract killer. He had a small time job, and came from humble beginnings. He met his future wife (Winona Ryder), and somehow charmed her into marriage, and had two kids. But when he accidentally fails the wrong customer, Roy Demeo (Ray Liotta), he has to repay a debt and does so through a nice assassination or two, which come with nice bonuses.

Eventually, his lives start to collide, as he is forced to work with a rival contract killer, Mr. Freezy (Chris Evans), and work amongst all the mob bosses in the city. The film begins and ends with his confession on the witness stand, and a whole shit ton of remorse. Kind of. Also, James Franco plays a small role who totally dies, and David Schwimmer awkwardly a mob man, and he freaks me out.

The Iceman Cream.

Michael Shannon has been a good actor for sometime. He was arguably the best parts of Man of Steel and Premium Rush, so it is nice to see him again in a leading role like this one. He knocked it out of the park, going completely in character, and nothing like his other recent roles. Dude knows how to act, yo.

In the early 90s, HBO released a documentary on the subject, called The Iceman Tapes: Conversations with a Killer, with actual dialogue with Richard. Presumably this fictionalized version was made to tell the twisted story after his death in 2005. I haven’t seen it, but I think it is on youtube, and I really kind of want to now.

A lot of the assassinations they show are generally really well done, with lots of planing/details gone in to making sure they are perfect.

By basing this movie on a true story, it adds an extra layer of chill as you watch it, knowing that it isn’t just another mob movie starring Ray Liotta. The ending is especially the most chilling aspect of the film, his final courtroom plead and communication with his family. You felt sorry for the guy, even though he killed hundreds of people. Shit, that is rough.

Definitely a movie I’d recommend as well. Even if you have to see David Schwimmer’s goofy face.

3 out of 4.

I didn’t know a lot about Paranoia before viewing it. Outside of the trailer, it didn’t have any advertising from what I could tell.

But it did have two great actors in head roles, so there is some amount of hope that it is surprisingly decent.

Hey. That guy looks like a thinner, less strong, less manly, Thor. How weird.

The story centers on Adam (Liam Hemsworth), who works for a big phone company lead by Nicolas Wyatt (Gary Oldman). Adam is leading a small team to help develop a tool for their new phone model, but Wyatt ignores him, causing Adam to lose his temper. Needless to say, Wyatt does not choose their project and fires the whole team.

Adam, despite being in debt with his sick dad (Richard Dreyfuss), decides to use the company expense card to live it up with his former coworkers in a moment of mutiny.

Well, now Wyatt has him on credit fraud. Adam doesn’t want to go to prison, so he will do anything Wyatt asks of him. Even if it means stealing.

Wyatt and his associate Judith (Embeth Davidtz) hook Adam up with a fancy new wardrobe, apartment, and personality, so he can get a job as an executive for Jock Goddard (Harrison Ford), who happens to run the biggest phone company. They are working on a sleek new phone that is said to revolutionize the world, and Wyatt wants a prototype. If he succeeds, he will get his friends (mostly Lucas Till) their jobs back, have money for his dad, and will have job security for the rest of his life.

We also have Amber Heard as a marketing direct and main love interest forAdam, Julian McMahon as a lackie of Wyatt, and Josh Holloway as an FBI detective.

These two are juggernauts in the acting world. I have now used ‘juggernaut’ in a review.

If you watch the trailer, you really don’t have to see the movie. They tell you the entire main plot while also spoiling the main twists as well! Seriously, something is given away in the trailer that doesn’t happen until the final twenty minutes, a major plot point.

Unfortunately, the plot itself is predictable (even without the trailer). Having a predictable plot is bad if you are trying to make a crime/thriller. The acting is also not really anything special. The side plot with the friends who lost their job is nothing more than cringe worthy and a distraction.

But the so-so acting and bad plot are not the worse parts. The worse part comes from the tiny details they did not care about.

These two men are the heads of the two biggest mobile phone makers in the world/country. They have their own unique names and everything. Yet they and their heads of staff are using iPhones. I might have seen a Galaxy S3 in there as well. That is just pure laziness. I wouldn’t have noticed if they didn’t constantly show the phones up close.

It almost seems like they are taunting the viewer. They are taunting us by showing how little they cared about the final product of this movie and it showed.

1 out of 4.

Alright, this story is a bit embarrassing. The first time I saw the trailer for The Bling Ring, it was when I was about to see Spring Breakers.

It was the trailer RIGHT before the movie, and for some reason Cinemark didn’t do their dumb “LOLOL DONT TEXT K?” ad that takes you out of the moment right before the film.

So I thought the trailer was part of Spring Breakers. Like. A story based on the “True story” of Spring Breakers, which was fake. Some meta shit to fuck with me. They were very similar. I am dumb.

To be fair, they are kind of dumb too.

In Hollywood, shit is rough. Everyone wants to be in the business, but only some people are in the business. Los Angeles is home to so many celebrities, and they are all super cocky. In 2007, they got what was coming to them.

When Marc (Israel Broussard) just moved to the area, after getting in trouble at his last school. There he finds Rebecca (Katie Chang), an old friend of his from a past school. Score. He is just happy to have a friend again.

Well, they start breaking into cars if they are unlocked. Why not, free stuff? Then they go to homes of people on vacation. Those noobs also left a door unlocked. Free money is the best money. Well, thanks to stuff like TMZ, they find out that Paris Hilton is out of town at an awards show, and her address is something google-able. So they waltz over, and hey look, she left her key under her doormat. Fancy place. Lots of stuff. It’d be hard to notice if anything gets missing.

Their friends get totally jealous too. So they decide to go back, but this time with Sam (Taissa Farmiga), Nicki (Emma Watson), and Chloe (Claire Julien).

But just as Icarus got too close to the son, these kids got a little bit too cocky in their stealings. Caring less about cameras. Less about taking only a little. Less about hiding their bounty. It totally then bites them on the ass. Which is why we get a movie. Yay movie!

Yay dancing! You’re welcome, Internet readers.

Finding out that Sofia Coppola directed this movie had me a bit worried. Her last movie before this, Somewhere, was well…it was a movie. I think. It just felt like an incredible waste of time that I got nothing out of.

On a similar note, I would say that every time something remotely interesting happens in real life, that we don’t always have to make a movie about it. But I guess it became popular because of the Vanity Fair article on the whole situation. Really this whole thing is about celebrities being real people, who forget things, like security, just like the rest of us.

I can’t really say the acting was great, it didn’t feel amazing or bad. The cuts were a bit annoying, and the ending came at a strange point in the story. I think it could have been ended way earlier when they were sentenced for their crime. But the movie just…kept going.

Don’t you hate it when things don’t know how to end? Oh. Right. Sorry. It was okay.

2 out of 4.

Trying to watch all of the Ryan Gosling movies has taken me down some strange twist and turns. Thankfully, most of them are older movies outside of my range, so I don’t have to review them. But if you saw my review of All Good Things, then you know there is some fucked up shit out there.

Using fucked up is an over exaggeration for that movie. Because then I watched Only God Forgives, written and directed by the same guy who directed Drive. Which was an artsy movie, interesting, violence heavy, but overall pretty fantastic. Even compared to Drive, Only God Forgives is truly the most fucked up of his entire career.

Fucked is use in a different way from the way I use it for Lars and the Real Girl.

“Well howdy there pilgrim…”Julian (Gosling) is your average American. He doesn’t say much. He lives in Thailand. He runs a boxing arena that is a front for a big drug smuggling operation. Yep. Average American indeed. His brother Billy (Tom Burke) is a big dick though. Rapes an underage prostitute. Gets arrested.

Lieutenant Chang (Vithaya Pansringarm), aka the Angel of Vengeance, arrives on the scene and lets the father beat Billy to death for the deed. Shit, son. Not only that, he then cuts off the arms of the father, for letting his daughter in prostitution in the first place! At least he is just?

Julian was going to fuck the dad up, but hey, he lost his arms already, and Billy had it coming. It didn’t stop Crystal (Kristin Scott Thomas) from traveling to Thailand to identify the body. You know, Julian’s mom. They have a strange relationship, he is surprised to see her. She wants blood. He doesn’t care. She wants to take out the Angel of Vengeance. He doesn’t care.

Then a lot more fucked up shit happens then the movie ends.

Have sword, will slash.Looking up random stuff about the film, I found out that the director wanted to make a more modern and set in Asia cowboy movie. Or something. Which I can kind of see. I guess Gosling is the cowboy in a dangerous land(Thailand, not the wild west). Kind of a lone ranger. Doesn’t speak much. Fights a lot. Maybe crooked.

Whatever. The cowboy elements are there.

But the film could also be something about mysticism in Asia. Or something about anger and violence he felt when his second daughter was being born.

Really, it could be anything. This is all stuff the director said, so it seems to be all over the place.

Gosling’s character only speaks 22 lines of film. No one really talks a lot. But we do get some karaoke scenes, so we get singing as well! It is another visual heavy picture, with strange dark colors, set in the seedy parts of town. The whole thing seems to be set during the night as well. Daytime is for rookies. Thailand scares me cause of shit like this, and The Hangover Part II.

It is really hard to talk about this movie, so I kind of just want to shut up now. I don’t even know what to think anymore. Somebody hold me.

2 out of 4.

Trance came out in theaters in late March, but apparently never came close to my area, so I had to wait until the DVD Release.

You’d think a college town would be able to justify more indie and lesser known releases. But then again, you’d think a college town would also have trivia nights at their bars.

More importantly, Trance was directed by Danny Boyle. Surely the man who did 28 Days Later…, 127 Hours, and Slumdog Millionaire has earned post-indie status by now.

When he rubs his temple that way, my mind feels raped. According to this movie, stealing art used to be easy. You kind of just pranced into a museum, took it and ran, then went home and hid. Shit gets stolen, and a museum gets fucked. Nowadays, it is way high tech and almost impossible without a huge plan to do it. Okay, that isn’t true. Just read the beginning of this Cracked article which states basically the opposite with facts.

But let’s say for this movie art is hard to steal. Simon (James McAvoy) works as a dude who protects art in case someone tries to steam them when they are getting stolen. Guess what. Some people try to steal a famous painting, Witches In The Air, valued at over $25 million.

Franck (Vincent Cassel) and his crew (including Danny Sapani) steal the shit out of that painting, while also knocking out Simon for trying to be a hero. But when they look at their new score, they find that the painting is gone. Shit. What did Simon do!?

Too bad Simon doesn’t remember what he did with the painting. The men who tried to steal it are pretty pissed off, and have tortured him and tore up all of his things. But still, he just does not remember.

So they get a hypnotist, Elizabeth (Rosario Dawson). However, when she begins to work her mind magic, she discovers secrets that none of the individuals thought possible.

Rosario Dawson shows a lot of her…acting talents in this movie. First things first, for you fucking perverts out there. Rosario Dawson for the first time is completely nude in this movie. Like full frontal, lower and upper, multiple times, no body double nude. She is also shaved. Which is relevant to the plot of the movie. I feel dirty saying all of that, but not really.

There are only three main characters in this movie, but Danny Boyle makes sure you have to work to earn the story. There are twists, there are turns, there are mind fucks. If you stop paying attention, you might not be able to keep up, so it really rewards those people who don’t have short attention spans. It assumes the watcher is intelligent, and will take you on an (often really loud) journey.

I think by the end the story might have gotten a bit too ahead of itself, making too many leaps and bounds. Despite that, it was still a great story, another fantastic movie from Danny Boyle, and another reason why I hate the local theaters.

3 out of 4.

I might have picked Deadfall solely from the Blu-Ray cover. Not saying that I am judging the whole thing on the cover, just saying that it helped me choose the movie. When there are so many random ass movies to choose from, you can’t just put them in a hat and pick randomly. Stores get mad at you when you do that.

From the cover, it was clear that it was some sort of thriller. A thriller that took place in the snow! Yeah snow! Maybe a quirky Midwest thriller, like Fargo, or Thin Ice, a more recent film that no one watched! Yeah! Well, with a name like DEADFall, it is probably not quirky. Perhaps there will be accents though?

“It’s a nice shooter, don’t cha know?” Liza (Olivia Wilde) and Addison (Eric Bana) are brother and sister and looking pretty luxurious. They are in a limo after all. Which of course crashes on those icy Michigan roads, killing their driver. A state trooper comes to investigate, and Addison shoots him in the head. Whoa!

Turns out these two are on the run from the law. They took part in a casino heist that has gone wrong, and are trying to reach Canada as soon as they can. Kind of difficult now though. After wandering the woods, they reach a fork in the road and agree to split up to reach Canada faster. No, doesn’t make too much sense.

But lets talk about other plot lines. Jay (Charlie Hunnam) just got out of prison, a former boxer, who is mad at his coach for “betraying him”. So he accidentally hurts him bad, so he too goes on the run, thinking he killed him. He just wants to get home for Thanksgiving, really close to the Canadian border, with his parents (Kris Kristofferson, Sissy Spacek).

Finally, we have Hannah (Kate Mara), a young police officer, who also happens to be the daughter of the chief (Treat Williams), who gives her crap and is way too protective. Typical story. So when there is news of a cop killer in the woods, he totally won’t let her help. But will she listen? WILL SHE?

No. Those are not “Fuck me” eyes, because she is looking at her brother. Don’t be gross. Deadfall would have been a better movie without Olivia Wilde. That sounds harsh.

It would have been a better movie without her character. The most interesting plot line in this movie was of course Eric Bana in the woods alone, doing whatever he can to survive the harsh cold, and yeah, it might involve killing some people, and taking a cabin or two hostage. That was great. Having Jay find Liza and them hanging out in a bar all night because the roads are closed?

Whatever. Don’t care.

Which is probably why I found the ending of the film so disappointing. Characters do change in this movie, but too fast, and it doesn’t make sense their actions by the end. I am kind of just left pissed off. Like the ending to Law Abiding Citizen. Except that movie was wickedly awesome up to the ending, while this one kind of pitter pattered around due to the several plot lines, most of which were meh.

The beginning scene in the movie is great though. It pumped me up, just unfortunately went down hill after that.

Also, there totally were accents. But from Bana/Wilde, who were from Georgia. So that was unexpected I guess.

1 out of 4.

The Miami Heat recently won their second consecutive NBA championship. A lot of people don’t like them, but that has nothing to do with this movie.

The Heat (Trailer) is a female buddy cop movie, following the style of most buddy cop movies before it. Two completely different people, having to work together for some bureaucratic reason. Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum. Curtains.

Oh yeah, they also definitely won’t get along for most of the film.

FBI Special Agent Sarah Ashburn (Sandra Bullock) has closed more cases than any other agent in the last few years. So when news comes out that her boss (Demian Bichir) is getting promoted, she realizes that his spot is now up for grabs. Too bad she is arrogant and selfish, so much that no one else wants to work on her. Being a boss is more than being smart.

So she is sent up to Boston, to find out the secret identity of this really big drug dealer dude. In Boston, Detective Shannon Mullins (Melissa McCarthy) had just apprehended a small time drug dealer (Spoken Reasons), but she doesn’t realize that he is just a pawn in the chain. She also doesn’t care, because Ashburn is a [not nice woman]. Chain of command is stupid if people are going to be mean about it.

Eventually the two realize they have to work together if they are going to get anywhere, or else the bad guys win. Marlon Wayans has a small role as another FBI agent, Michael McDonald as a bad guy, and Michael Rapaport as a brother of Mullins. Basically only “M-named” actors.

Bullock is packed with guns in this movie. I don’t mean those things that fire bullets either.

Surprisingly, Sandra Bullock and Melissa McCarthy had pretty good chemistry together even though one is a veteran actress, the other a relative newcomer to the scene. Melissa McCarthy has actually had roles in movies since 1999 (the cult hit Go), she just didn’t get really noticed until her roles in Bridesmaids and Mike & Molly. I recognize her comedy talent, I just personally think her improv isn’t as good as others might.

For example, watch the trailer. Roughly 1 minute in, she has a tiny rant to a guard in a prison, something clearly improvised and it is supposed to sound menacing/threatening, but it actually makes no sense. There is nothing humorous about it once you actually analyze it. I have only had the time to analyze it, because The Heat has only had one trailer since they started showing it roughly in November.

Thankfully the version that was in the movie was a bit better, but there were a few more examples of improv from her that just missed the mark completely.

On its own it was a decent buddy cop movie. Each successive new one just tries to outdo the last one with a new gimmick. Unfortunately this one’s “gimmick” is that they are women, which is a terrible thing to say out loud but it is true. The Heat at least earns its R-rating thanks to the words that come out of McCarthy’s mouth. The good news for those who absolutely loved the movie is that the sequel has already been announced. While it has its funny moments, I think it doesn’t stand out on its own to really differentiate it from any other buddy cop movie.

 

2 out of 4.

I am watching The Iceman on the recommendation from someone who hasn’t even seen the dang thing. They just heard it was good from other people. Thankfully, I am glad I took that advice.

The opening of this movie starts with a really awkward coffee date between Richard “Richie” Kuklinksi (Michael Shannon) and Deb (Winona Ryder) that doesn’t seem to be going well. She’s telling him how she thinks he’s not talking enough and then makes a comment about his creepy tattoo. Because of this, he gets visibly offended and she apologizes profusely. However, two scenes and several years later they’re married and having a baby!

That tells us one of two things: Either bad first dates could end up well, or their bad decision making has been consistent.

Ray Liotta is in a film about mob guys? Who saw that coming?
After Richie’s job with a Disney cartoon dubbing *cough*porn*cough* studio gets eliminated, Richie is offered a job by the mob boss as a hit man.  Turns out, Richie is already pretty cold-hearted dude, due to some serious childhood issues, so he has no problems gracefully accepting the position. After all, he’s got a wife and a kid and apparently she’s spending her days looking at expensive houses instead of quietly cleaning the one she has. That bitch.

After years spent as a contract killer picking off everybody, including business associates and long time friends, it’s clear that the only people he cares about are his wife and kids. He doesn’t care about them enough to tell him the truth or get a real job or anything, no, but he will kill anyone that gets in the way of him supporting his family.

“Tax man? Dead! School Principal? Dead! Door to door salesman? Dead! Lazy crosswalk guard? Double dead!”Due to the fact that this is based on real events (and there was a documentary about it roughly 20 years ago) it’s not much of a spoiler to say “Hey! The police caught him!”  The finale includes a really crazy monologue from Richie, and according to the history books he never saw his family again.

What really gets me about this film is that it’s so intense but void of a lot of high powered action. You are only going to get one car chase, and it is not as you would expect. No one is going to fight on top of a train, but I feel like that’s better reserved for Bond.

Also, I was incredibly fascinated by the casting choices for Richie and Deb. Shannon is such a HUGE guy and Ryder is this tiny little thing and every time he embraces her or even just stands next to her it looks like she’s going to disappear into him.

Overall it was a really captivating movie and I’d put this on my “watch again” list.

4/5
———————————

I’ve reviewed this on Criticker!

Follow my random nonsense on twitter @yesthatshelby.

Whew, this might be one of the longer reviews I have put off writing. After I saw Pawn, I meant to write it later that night. Then I probably wandered off and fell into a movie coma.

Then I kept watching more and more movies, so although Pawn was on my list to write I kept just picking different movies to write about instead.

Well, eventually laziness catches up to all of us. Not to mention making sure I write it before I forget basically everything.

Hover over this image. What do you see? You see that I am really fucking clever.

Basically, Pawn tries to turn a simple robbery into a complicated game of cat and mouse. Like Derrick (Michael Chiklis) is British. That on its own is pretty complicated. He has a group of thugs, and for whatever reason they are slowly robbing a night time diner. They came in early, but the safe is time sensitive so it will only open at a certain time every night. Shit. Looks like they just have to play it cool.

Hard to do that when customers are frightened, and random cops (Forest Whitaker) come strolling in. There is also Nick (Sean Faris), who is on parole, and looking to get his life back on track for his wife (Nikki Reed) and kid. Last thing he wants to do is get mixed up in any wrong doing. We also have Charlie (Stephen Lang), the owner who is getting far too old for this shit.

And who can forget fucking Ray Liotta? Ray Liotta is some sort of evil guy, but just who he is working for is the bigger question.

Basically, everyone is an asshole, and everyone might have secret motives for either being there that night, or what they are out to get. There are some things far more important than money.

Like good old fashioned bromance.

Well, in movie terms, this one has plenty of twists and turns, but not enough to make you annoyed. Again, everyone seems to be playing a game, except for our hero Nick (good name), who is unfortunately caught up in this. Doesn’t help that his brother works in Internal Affairs. Lot of cops hate those guys. Lot of crooked cops in this town too.

I actually enjoyed parts of this movie for what it was, but overall it is just an average movie. Chiklis had a pretty bad British accent. The ending is hard to remember, mostly because it seemed really silly. Similarly, not all of the plot twists made complete sense.

I do think this film could have used more chess references though.

2 out of 4.

Some people think Jim Carrey is just a slapstick comedian way past his prime. But those who defend him always note that he doesn’t only do silly and zany movies. The two people talk about the most are The Majestic and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, and to a lesser extent The Truman Show. (I am not saying The Truman Show is bad, just that it is still kind of silly. I love it!). But if they want to go a darker path, they will bring up The Number 23, the only “horror”-esque movie he has done. Horror is a very strong term, it is clearly just an eerie thriller.

But after hearing people bring it up, I knew it was my duty to watch it. One day (yesterday). Is it worthy of the praise of the other two films.

Let’s face it, you’d rather watch the movie over read the book right?

Walter Sparrow (Jim Carrey) is a pretty normal guy. Has a wife (Virginia Madsen) and kid (Logan Lerman). He is an animal control officer, basically the coolest job ever (outside of putting down animals sometimes. And the fact that it sucks).

Yep. His life is good. His wife finds the book The Number 23 in the book store, likes it herself, and gives it to her husband as a gift. Which is when things start to get weird for him.

He notices similarities between the main characters childhood and his own. Neighbors were described the name, his mother died the same time as another character in the story. His wife thinks he is reaching of course, because he is nothing like the main character, Detective Fingerling. (Heh). He doesn’t play the sax, doesn’t solve crime, and isn’t a detective. But once they introduce the number 23, and how a character in it becomes obsessed with the number, finding it everywhere in their lives, he too start to find it everywhere in his life. He even begins to dream of killing his wife, scaring him so much he gets a hotel to finish the novel and figure out why it is so dang similar.

Too bad the novel ends at chapter 22, with the detective about to take his own life. What a shame. Maybe the novel is a confession and he just has to figure out who the murderer actually is, not some silly pseudonym?

Who ruins a good wall like that? Bunch of savages in this town.

Well, for those people who point to this film to prove that Jim can be a great actor, I suggest they stop. They are doing a disservice to Jim. After all, he CAN be a great actor. Hell, even Mr. Popper’s Penguins wasn’t complete horseshit thanks to Jim. He has gotten older, and he is kicking ass when he wants to, but The Number 23 is not his best work.

Jim gets to play both Walter and his visions of the Detective in the movie, believing he truly is the star of the book despite the differences. The book is in a dark noir style, but skips around a lot, and basically involves him go crazy, while Walter goes crazy in real life (and drags his son into it). But the number 23 thing, the main plot of the film and title, is really the most important thing. I bet if I looked it up, I would find a lot of factual errors in terms of the facts they gave and what equaled 23. I heard a few in their quick ramblings that just werent true, which is annoying. Did they fact check their facts? (Or is to show that the characters were reaching for more 23s and making up things? How meta).

Either way, it is a strange movie that didn’t improve my life in any way. The only trivia question I can see in it is “What number does Jim Carrey become obsessed with in film?” Ah. 23. Done.

1 out of 4.