Tag: Comedy

Pitch for this movie: “You know how we like to have former wrestlers, or action people, do emasculating things for our entertainment! Well what about a Tutu?! But not a Ballerina…a Tooth Fairy maybe!”

Surprised actually that the whole movie isn’t just him dancing in this. For 90 minutes.

Dwayne Johnson plays a hockey player. Hells yeah! But not in the NHL, the “Lansing Ice Wolves”, a make believe team that is a feeder team to the LA Kings. He used to be good at scoring and stuff, but in one fight he knocked out some guys teeth. They started to call him the Tooth Fairy, and then he turned into a large defensemen who hits hard and fights hard.

He is dating Ashley Judd, who has two kids. Because kids don’t scare him! But he does kind of tell the daughter the Tooth Fairy isn’t real, for gambling monies. So he gets a summons.

And bam. Tooth Fairy world. Oh he is being punished for making people not believe? They use their belief to actually do magic, fly, and tooth fairy stuff? Stephen Merchant is his fairy case worker, has no wings, and Julie Andrews is the head fairy, punishing him? That’s crap. He has a couple of weeks of fairy duty, in which when beckoned, he must show, sprouts wings, costume and everything.

So he has to deal with his punishment, using a big bag of tricks to get the job done, while also trying to not screw up his love life (relationship with not his kids), and maybe get his hockey career back on track, from thug to stud, before some young wanna-be Crosby takes away all the attention he used to have.

Now assuming this movie is good, it is about getting your life back on track, and hockey, and magic. Hopefully they don’t try to ruin it with some direct to video sequel.

Oh god no.

But was it good?

I have a problem with movies that claim certain things are real, despite the characters best wisdom. If it was a kid discovering that Santa was real, that can be fine. But if it was a parent discovering that Santa was real, despite years of placing out presents pretending to be Santa…does that make sense to you? Same situation with the Tooth Fairy. They put out the money themselves, and even replaced it one The Rock took it. Clearly there was a precedence of them always placing money for teeth. Yet also there are tooth fairies that do that for real, and somehow the parents also do it?

Fuck that noise. In movie watching we call that shit nonsensical and a plot hole. I can accept a world where the tooth fairy, magic, Santa, big foot, all that exists. I cannot accept a movie where they exist, and characters actions contradict their existence.

Although there was amusing moments, for sure. Watching the Rock get the teeth was entertaining, I will give you that. But even the hockey moments, of which they are numerous, was iffy. If you know the rules of hockey, the games don’t make sense at all. Penalties on fair plays, and bad plays no calls. And they aren’t that many scenes. So that inaccuracy just seems silly, especially since they try hard to get even names of the actual Kings at the time right.

Alright. The amount of plot holes and inaccuracies just ruined it overall for me. Easy fixes too. But Billy Crystal‘s two scenes were hilarious.

Hey look, an obviously bad movie in Vampires Suck. Looks like I can use the Q&A format again!

Truth talk.

Question 1: Oh gee willikers, is this another one of those Spoof movies? Does it just spoof Twilight, or is there at least some other things to look forward to?

Heck yes it is one of those spoof movies. Spoofing on Twilight also happens to be one of the easiest things to do. Seriously. I’ve tried to make fun of it three times myself, with at least one more coming soon. But don’t worry, if you don’t want to just rewatch the first two movies, but even stupider, there are also some other references to other things.

Like Gossip Girl, Buffy, Vampire Diaries, Alice in Wonderland, and Dear John. Pretty much stuff that “Teen girls” like, or at least vampire stuff. I am sure there is more stuff that I missed, but I don’t know all of the pop culture yet. Also, none of these references last more than a few seconds / quick scene, so after them it is just straight up Twilight stuff.

Question 2: The plot is just the first two twilight movies? Really? Do that thing where you explain the plot kind of anyways.

Certainly! All the characters you expect are in this movie. Jenn Proske plays Bella, and Diedrich Bader is her dad. Matt Lanter is Edward and Chris Riggi is Jacob. Also Ken Jeong plays random high up vampire guy. So yeah, the two people you might know are playing the least important roles.

Bella moves to Oregon, is all sad, likes the mysterious Edward kid, falls in love, turns out he can’t protect her, he runs away, falls for hairy Jacob, tries to kill her self (kind of but not really), makes Jacob all sad, tries to reveal himself to others, and she stops him. He turns her into a vampire, and bitches get crazy. So pretty much the first two movies. Also some villains in there. But just all of the scenes go from angsty to stupid.

Question 3: Well that doesn’t sound swell! Does the movie have any redeeming qualities?

Oh well. Erm. No. Not really. I guess it is good that they reduce the first two movies into one film, which is what I thought they could have done with the first 2 actual Twilight movies.

And that guy.

Question 4: I think you went in knowing this movie would be bad, and thus never gave it a chance. Shenanigans!

That’s not a question!

Question 5: Your mom’s not a question.

Alright, I get that the badly edited scenes and the jokes being inconsistent with the plot are on purpose, but holy crap. Why? Can’t they be wittier like the…well everything Mel Brooks has ever done?

Finally, the long waited next Harold And Kumar movie, that technically no one saw coming. I mean, a Christmas movie? Have they jumped the shark? The first one is often seen as a pretty funny movie, with a sequel that is kind of lame in comparison. At least they kept the the anti-stereotype humor in the second movie, but that had enough mehh and overly outrageous moments to make it lackluster.

And they killed off Fake NPH, if only kind of.

This movie takes place six years after the events in Guantanamo Bay, and Harold (John Cho) and Kumar (Kal Penn) don’t really talk anymore. Harold is now married to his elevator crush Maria (Paula Garces) and living in a suburban home, a wealthy job, trying for a kid, and trying to impress her Mexican family and dad (Danny Trejo). Oh yeah, and he is forced to be friends with fellow suburbanite Thomas Lennon.

Kumar is still a slacker though, living with new roommate Amir Blumenfeld, who seems obsessed with trying to deflower this woman of questionable age. He also has significantly less characters in his plot that I deem worthy of tagging. Oh well, he wants to get back with his ex, but he has to change his life a bit. Because she is pregnant. Someone mysteriously leaves a package for Harold at Kumar’s door, forcing him to visit his old friend to deliver it.

And it was a joint! Yay! And it accidentally helps burn down their epic Christmas tree, putting him in a position where Trejo might kill him, unless he can replace it before they get back from Christmas night mass. This leads to a series of adventures, involving the return of NPH, Santa, the mob, claymation, and Waffle Bot.

A dangerous, yet effective “toy”.

Obviously this movie is a parody upon itself and Christmas specials. It felt short though, despite still clocking in at 90 minutes. I know why new characters were brought in, six years, new lives, but they weren’t as good as one would hope. But the return of old characters is a nice surprise, and they do a good job of creating almost “inside jokes” that you would only get if you know a bit about the actors (namely NPH and Kal Penn).

Also a big part of the movie is the 3D element, which for most movies seem like a cheesy element, cash grab, or completely unnecessary. This is technically no different, but every 3D “Scene” seems to just be mimicking the industry in general, giving it better comedic value. I didn’t get to watch it in 3D my self, but it is definitely obvious watching the movie.

Overall, I’d say it was better than H+K2, not as good as the first movie, but still its own decent stoner parody of Christmas, 3D, and life.

Bottle Shock is a movie about Wine in the 1970s and how America is better than France. Honestly, if you made it past the first half of the sentence congrats, because you got to see the second half, and realized that it is in fact awesome. U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!

Coming this summer on NBC.

Based on a real story, this tales the story of how Napa Valley, California made its mark in the world. They had winos there, but the rest of the world didn’t seem to care. Including Alan Rickman, a British man who really really loves his wine so he moved to France and opened up a wine shop. But none of the French people will invite him to their wine games. His friend says he is way too culturally wine-ist. He doesn’t even give USA wine a chance. So he says, fuck it, lets go to America.

In Napa, Bill Pullman is running his own wine colony. Left a high paying job, is a perfectionist, but no one cares. He is divorced, and his no good son Chris Pine is a damn hippie, despite it being the 70s still, and way too free spirited. Not to mention Freddy Rodriguez is working on his own secret bash. He also has to worry about the new intern Rachel Taylor screwing everyone really.

Rickman’s character travels around the US to find the best wines, even paying for samples. He wants to set up a blind taste test, the first of its kind. Where the judges give ratings without knowing what they are drinking. Something about French bias, but apparently it was never done before. Lot of drama occurs, lack of funds, wine going bad, fear that Rickman is just setting them up to bring them down, and questioning life choices. But since this is a real story, yes, the Pullman wine ends up winning, despite the judges best attempts to pick a french wine.

Those hippies have such soft hands.

Oh yeah, Eliza Dushku is in here too, as a sleezy bartender. What what!?

Now, parts of the movie seemed slow, and some of the drama associated with it seemed a bit unnecessary. The Rodriguez plot line, which you assume will be a major player, turned out to, well, not matter. Also, not as much Dushku as I’d have guessed. Also, pretty obvious at what would happen in the movie.

But hey, at least it was decently funny and entertaining!

I first saw the preview for Gentlemen Broncos years ago, but then forgot about it. I remember it sounded interesting, if not fucking weird. Unfortunately the box screams out don’t watch me. After all, its biggest selling point is from the creators of Napoleon Dynamite. Eugch.

Although I like weird movies, I generally prefer some sort of plot to go with them.

Michael Angarano (guy from Sky High. You should know that by now. Sky High may be my most linked to movie that I have never reviewed) is a home schooled student in a small town with strong morals. A simple life he leads, as his dad died a long time ago, and his mom, Jennifer Coolidge, makes night gowns and clothes, for hefty prices. She also has an obsession with making objects from popcorn balls.

Heh. Balls.

Anyways dude likes to write stories! Has his whole life, preferably sci-fi. His best tale is called The Yeast Lords, and is about a futuristic world and you know, lot of weird stuff. His main character is Bronco, played by Sam Rockwell. Mostly because throughout the movie when people read the sections, we get to see the story in all of its (wtf) glory. His mom does an awesome thing and sends him to a very small writing camp for home schooled people, where he meets controlling Halley Feiffer, and her friend Hector Jimenez (from Nacho Libre. HUGE MOUTH) who makes movies/trailers.

Anyways, he enters his story into a contest. The best story is supposed to get a small publishing deal. But famous sci-fi writer Jemaine Clement is in danger of losing his monies, because his last few stories have sucked. He is drawn into Yeast Lords, and changes it up, taking it as his own. He of course changes all the names, and makes Brutus a transsexual, and bam, best seller. At the same time, Mike has sold his film rights to Hector, and they are creating a short film based off of the Yeast Lords as well. Will Mike be able to prove that the Yeast Lords is his own story? Will Jemaine get away with it all? Why does Mike White looks so damn weird?

Just how badass are the Surveillance Does?

As you can probably guess, the parts of the movie starring Bronco/Brutus are amazingly cheesy and poor looking. This just gives them a better charm, because the story is in no way captivating. The films comedy thrives off of the general awkwardness of all the individuals involved that just will not go away. The movie had a believable ending, based on the type of world it set up anyways, and you more or less think everyone got what they deserved by the end.

So I thought it was great but it is definitely a weird one.

Apparently if I watched some of the trailers for The Big Year, you still wouldn’t really know what it is about. I will tell you right now. BIRDING. Or Bird Watching, if you want to be lame about it. Yes. The art of looking at birds and feeling good about yourself.

Mort importantly, A Big Year in the birding world is a competition to see who can see the most birds in a single calendar year. The competition can be state / province based, lower 48 states, or the biggest area of all states except Hawaii, and a bunch of other territories around the US. I didn’t learn these until I wiki’d that shit.

Can you tell who each of these three big actors are by just this picture alone?

So the story tells of three different “birders” who are attempting the big year. Owen Wilson plays an expert birder. In 2003 he reached a new record for A Big Year, reaching 723, putting him into instant celebrity status. Well, pseudo celebrity. Dude can find a bird like no other. He hasn’t attempted another big year since, but this year he is just going to do it for a few months, set the pace, make sure no one is getting close to his record. But will his dedication and drive break apart another marriage?

Steve Martin is a CEO who is retiring finally. Super rich, he wants to try a big year, full support with his wife, JoBeth Williams. But his job constantly is bugging him to return to the game, to fix problems, to even take another job. Joel McHale and Kevin Pollak are the corporate D-bags who continue to harass him throughout the year, warning him that after retirement, comes death.

Jack Black is the narrator and also attempting for the first time. He has trained to recognize any bird by a few notes only. He isn’t rich though, kind of poor, disapproving dad, and working a full time job to help pay for this during the year. But he is inspired to finally do something with his life. If he could also woo over Rashida Jones (who can do hundreds of bird noises on her own (I think in real life too?)), double win. Bird love. All that shit.

The movie shows the three men and their journey across America, just doing the things they love. They don’t travel together, but they run into each other enough to build a rivalry. Of course they don’t want others to know they are doing a big year, will make them no longer help them out. The movie probably sounds super boring. Bird watching. Wtf?

But look, there is some action!

Of course this whole thing is based on the honor system. Don’t have to take pictures, because hearing the bird counts as well. So it sounds like cheating may happen, and obviously it is dealt with in the movie. Not to mention Jim Parsons of Big Bang Theory slinks about in the movie as well.

But overall? The story was definitely done pretty nicely. By the end, you don’t hate Owen’s character like you’d expect. Everyone has their own appeal and their own “happy ending” so to speak. Had some chuckles, and hey, good for the whole family.

POWER!

Good word to have in a movie title. Adventures Of Power? Sounds EPIC. Oh, the main character is named Power? I see what they did there. Okay. Less Epic though.

Needs more explosions.

Power is played by Ari Gold, and …wait. Ari Gold? Like, Entourage big shot, foul mouthed Ari Gold? No, that guys name is Jeremy Piven. So there actually IS an Ari Gold out there? That seems weird to me. Ari Gold is a stand up comic apparently, and also wrote and directed this movie. Alright. Maybe its a fake name? Lets assume so and move on. Just in case, I will only call him Power.

Anyways, Power lives in Lode, NM, where they get that copper. His dad (Michael McKean) is leading a strike! So times are tough, he has to live with his aunt (Jane Lynch, hippie) because of the whole no income thing. Unfortunately for the dad, Power (who has always been poor) is addicted to the horrible activity of…air drumming. It embarrasses him, and the whole town laughs at him, except for one Mexican boy who believes him.

Power decides one day to leave the town, because there is nothing for him here! There is a big air drumming competition in NYC, but he needs a team, and finds himself in Newark (After some illegal Mexican air drumming tournaments). Somehow he impresses people with his skills, and finds a team (a low member, but a team nonetheless). His dream is the win the tournament, and give his part of the earnings to his dad to help the strike team last until they can have their demands rightfully met!

While this happens, he also falls in lough with a kind of deaf girl (Shoshannah Stern, who if you ever seen a kind of deaf girl on a show/movie, it is probably her). She can feel the music, but not hear it, and with his air drumming, she can really start to “understand it”.

Unfortunately a “real drummer” has entered the tournament, and is likely to win it just by being a celebrity. Cowby Dallas Houston is played by Adrian Grenier wh…wait. Wait again. Adrian Grenier? The “main” famous Vincent Chase character from Entourage? That’s odd.. Um. Kind of freaking out. I guess its just another coincidence.

Well, the first round of the tournament is weird, but they make it to stage 2, where the entire team has to work together to play the entire drum set, each being a different drum/cymbol. They show three teams do that, and they are pretty damn epic. The final round is the endurance challenge, in which Power goes head to head against Dallas and some Chick.

Where ACCURACY matters.

Can he beat a real drummer? Did you know that air drumming is actually more difficult than real drumming? After all, with real drumming, you only have to push the sticks down, they will bounce off the drums. But air drumming you have to bounce the sticks off of AIR. That’s up and down!

The biggest problem with this movie is excepting the its reality. In this world. Air drumming is a thing, that can be shunned. It is way more popular than normal, and kind of underground, but not illegal. Unfortunately a lot of the training in Newark, the middle third of the movie, wasn’t that interesting. Beginning and ending way more interesting. Final tournament definitely epic.

But one that you might love a lot more if inebriated.

Fuck You Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

How dare you do this movie?! A lot of your rolls in your past have been great, because they are iconic or easily “make funnable”. But now, not only does everyone love him, he also does fantastic in a bunch of movies recently.

COBRAAHHHHHHHH!!

In 50/50, JGL is a journalist. In his 20s! He lives with his girlfriend, Bryce Dallas Howard, and his best friend is Seth Rogan, and Seth hates the girlfriend. OH SHIT CANCER. JGL has a rare form of cancer, in his spine. Not good.

His mom wants to move in with him and take care of him, especially since the dad has Alzheimers, but he says no, he has a ladyfriend who will take care of him. The movie then tells the tale of him coping with his disease, while also trying to live his life as if it is his last days. The characters in the movie all react differently. His mom freaks out. His dad is mostly confused. JGL claims to be calm. Seth Rogen tries to use humor to hide his emotions (saw that coming). And the girlfriend looks for other ways to vent her frustration.

JGL is also seeing a medical therapist, not yet a doctor, so she is young, in Anna Kendrick. Yay Anna Kendrick! She tries to get him to open up, despite it being one of her first patients on her own. Eventually chemotherapy is no longer an option, and a major surgery must be done near the climax of the movie.

This is probably the only scene you know about in this movie.

So, the story is inspired by true events. What does that mean? The writer actually had this cancer and based it off of his own life. Where it gets real is that Seth Rogen is kind of playing himself in this movie. Seth Rogen was really friends with the writer when he went through with this, and did the same things as his character in the movie. That’s pretty awesome if you ask me.

I think everyone did a great job with the movie too. Everyone seemed real and believable, and it was easy to get attached. It shifts between serious and comedy pretty easily, so you have to be prepared for that. By the end, when JGL finally confronts the fact that he might die during the surgery, you will probably cry. (Not to your robot readers.) Very sad, and emotional, and great.

The only thing I didn’t like is the “relationship” between JGL and his “therapist”. It made me feel uneasy, because everyone knows therapists and patients should never do things. But hey. It is a movie right?

I still refuse to read what most movies are about before watching them (Unless its super obvious like, Batman. Kind of hard to not know what Batman is.), yet somehow I am still surprised when a movie is not at all like how I thought it would be.

Case in point #3000, Wild Cherry. Look at that cover!

Okay, this is about either a woman’s football league. Or a woman joining a male football team. And Rob Schneider looks like a coach. Comedy, moving on!

Now if I actually studied the cover, I’d notice the 69 on the Shirt. Ah, must be a teen thing. The dark haired chick clearly looks fake. And wait, Rob Schneider is a dad, not a coach. Oh damn it, this a teen sex comedy.

Tania Raymonde, from LOST, plays the starlet, and she is a senior in high school. Not only has she never had sex, but she has never even masturbated. For shame. But she is going to have sex soon! If her dad would leave.

But wait. Her friends (Kristin Cavallari and Rumer Willis), while making a documentary about people’s first time, discovered a story about “the book”. The book is a pledge thing for the guys on the football team. They believe they cannot win the big game at the end of the year, unless they are all not virgins and take away someone elses virginity. The names are assigned to them (I think? Or randomly picked?) and thei job is to tap that, before the final game.

Err alright. So the girls find out, and think that is horrible. So they play some pranks on the guys and try to make the other girls not have sex with anyone at the same time.

Do I have to explain this picture?

Soo, yeah, that is the movie in the nutshell. She also plans to move to Paris after high school to live with her aunt, and there is a side story of her dad not wanting her to leave home. But the book didn’t even make sense to me. I couldn’t tell what the big game was for, or how they somehow had one of those every year. Plotholes. Didn’t seem like a “important rivalry game” either.

Most of it wasn’t that funny. I had no idea why Tia Carrere (Wayne’s World) was in here. She was some sort of teacher, that also was a sex freak? Not sure what she was teaching.

Apparently some people call this American Pie for girls. I just call it dumb.

Mystery Team I have been waiting for awhile to watch, so as soon as I found it reasonably priced, I pounced on that shit and watched it right away.

Despite the picture, this movie is not about child predators.

The mystery team consists of Donald Glover, the master of disguise, D.C Pierson, the brains (or a guy who memorized a bunch of weird facts as a kid that no one cares about), and Dominic Dierkes, the brawn (because he has to fit some role). They founded the club called the Mystery Team when they were just kids, solving mysteries for 10 cents a case. Most of the time their cases are similar to Encyclopedia Brown in nature, but finally, when they are seniors in high school, that shit gets real.

A little girl stops by after they successful find out who was poking pies, and wants them to find out who killed her parents.

What?

Well they take it anyways, because damn it, they are real detectives. Even if her older sister (Aubrey Plaza) thinks it is the stupidest idea ever at the time, because, well look at them. This leads them on the biggest case of their lives. But is it the final case of their lives?

(That was my subtly implying will they die? Or will they just retire? Whatever.)

To get into a Gentleman’s club, you must dress like a Gentleman.

This also features Bobby Moynihan and Elle Kemper (The Office) in smaller roles, as these people were part of their internet shorts.

The movie is overly very ridiculous. But I thought it great in that regard. It is the type of movie I would love to quote to others, if I thought anyone else would know it. Some may say one liners cannot make a decent movie, and to that I say nothing. Valid point. But the characters all have great chemistry with each other. I actually choked a bit on a drink at one point, from unexpected laughter.

But then again, if you see this, you could think it is the dumbest movie ever. I say risk that chance.