Tag: Chris Kattan

2020 is a weird year, for life, for cinema, for you, likely, in all aspects.

And through the ashes of this year, despite how high they pile up, is this the year that Pauly Shore rises through those ashes? The great phoenix, often spoken about in hushed tones as a relic from the 90’s.

He has been missing from cinema for some time, with the occasional cameo, or playing himself, or documentary series, but as a lead? The last time he was the lead or co-lead in a film was in 1997, something called The Curse of Inferno, which I also never heard about before in my life until typing this up a second ago.

That doesn’t mean he cannot come back and be a force to be reckoned with, for the new movie Guest House. It isn’t like he was just lying dormant in a basement somewhere waiting for a time to strike. Hell, we had Bill and Ted Face the Music just last week, and that was surprising in that it wasn’t terrible, unlike many comedy sequels that have been coming out decades later.

So. There. Is (was?). A. Chance.

“‘Never Tell Me The Odds’ – Han Solo” – Pauly Shore

Sarah (Aimee Teegarden) and Blake (Mike Castle) are not newlyweds, and they aren’t even engaged, but they are looking to get a house together. A big commitment, and something that is only doable because of Sarah’s dad (Billy Zane) helping out, even if he doesn’t approve much of Blake because of his slacker and party past.

After a long search, they find nothing good in their price range, until they found the perfect house. Lots of space, a big yard, a pool, and a guest house! So what is the catch? Oh, there is someone living in the guest house. Randy Cockfield (Pauly Shore), a user of drugs and alcohol, a loud mouth, a exhibitionist, and all together strange person. He was there from the previous owner and totally “about to leave” so that is why the main house is cheap.

They end up taking the deal, because he will be gone soon. And the rest of the movie plot sort of writes itself. Is he actually trying to leave? You know he isn’t. And with squatter rights in California as they are, it would be a long and lengthy and expensive battle to even get him out of that place, so it looks like they will have to go to war.

Also starring Lou Ferrigno, Erik Griffin, Steve-O, Liz Katz, and Chris Kattan.

How excited am I to see Chris Kattan in a movie? Well…

Okay, it turn out this is not Pauly’s time to rise out of the ashes.

Guest House was certifiably not a great film. Right away, the cinematography leaves a lot to be desired, feeling like it is a made for TV film. It doesn’t go for interesting anything with the camera, and it just feels so dreamy, I guess is a way to describe it.

The main characters? None of them are people we care about. The couple is bad to each other and bad people in general who clearly shouldn’t be together. The husband’s job feels so unimportant, with bad coworkers, so we don’t end up caring about that either.

As for Shore, the third main character, he is playing a meaner and more lewd character than he ever played. It isn’t an R-rated Weasel, it is just a not fun person. I can’t even imagine them having friends that would want to stop by and do drugs? It is hard to believe that level of king party animal.

The events that happen are just contrived, and even the lessons learned at the end are not how I would take it away in real life. It is a miserable situation for miserable people to be in, and we are all losers for having to watch it.

Here is a true story. I was slowly trolling down the aisle at the local video store, when I ran into the movie Crazy Enough. I saw that there was only one copy, despite being a “new release,” saw who was the star, saw the ridiculous of the cover and thought “Hey, I should totally watch that movie. Right away!”

This is how I learned that when I walk near movies, I get controlled by a puppeteer and make awful decisions.

I saw this cover and thought “THAT’S THE ONE!”

Fred Mulberry (Chris Kattan) is a psychiatrist, has a doctorate, and a loving family. He is kind of spazzy though, and his kids might not look up to him.

Either way, he has to head over a few hours to a mental hospital to sign some forms for a new patient to go there. Tough part of the job. Well, as fate would have it, his identical twin brother Teddy, is a resident at that hospital. They were both adopted at birth, one raised to be a scientist, one who unfortunately went a bit insane. Luckily for Teddy, everything works out perfectly for him to steal Fred’s wallet and items while he isn’t looking and make it out of the hospital, making the hospital think it Fred is Teddy and lock him back up instead.

Hooray! Oh what zany adventures they can get in to, a sane man trying to get out of a hospital that assumes he is crazy, and a crazy man trying to act like a dad and raise his family.

Hyuck hyuck hyuck. Susana Gibb plays the wife, Brooke Anna Leedy is another patient at the hospital who claims she doesn’t belong. There might be some fishy stuff afoot here, it turns out!

I can’t believe a movie starring Chris Kattan twice could be considered bad.

I am not going to bore you with more words than are necessary at this point.

I didn’t laugh once. Parts made me more sad, because shit, being improperly imprisoned in a place where people assume you are not all there in the head. That sucks. It could be used for comedic purposes, but it was just done badly. On the other side of the coin, crazy guy in the real world. Some shenanigans, but most of them fall flat too.

There is also mixed messages. While he is trapped inside, he realizes that these people are nice people, and most of them could easily live in society and not be shunned. But the other side of the story, Teddy, yes he is nice guy, but they kind of imply that he really cant function in society and the hospital makes sense for him. Well, minus the cheesy ending where they ignore it all.

Blah. Just blah. Dang it Chris Kattan. Dang it Chris Kattan. That is for both of him in this movie.

Hey look. Random indie movie! Not only that, but it is a coming of age story! Those are fun. And it is about a girl boarding school, not a boys boarding school? One named Tanner Hall? Outstanding! Oh and the previews before the movie are for Daydream Nation and Happythankyoumoreplease? I liked those movies! What could go wrong!

Oh. The plot and characters and boringness.

Also, all the pictures easy to find on google were lame.

Alright, we have a movie starring four girls! Two of them used to be friends as children, the other two just became friends thanks to you know, living there. We have Georgia King and Rooney Mara as the main two, but also Brie Larson and Amy Ferguson. Each girl has their own personality and boarding school girl stereotype. Of course one is super depressed, a cutter, and talks about stuff like it for attention. Another is more or less normal, but just angsty. Then there is the sexually confused one, who is never sure who she likes, man or woman. (The school has one boy student, the headmistresses son). And finally the hot for teacher student, picking on the fact that the teacher totally wants her. That teacher being Chris Kattan.

What? That guy has been missing for like, 5 years it feels like. Then he pops in randomly in some indie movie as a horny teacher? I think his role is more of a comic relief thing, but ehh. It is weird.

So, the problem with all of the character types is that they stay as types throughout the movie. No one really changes. In fact, nothing much actually happens either. Sure. They show rebellion. They sneak out of school to go to a fair, what rebels. They have lives. But ehh. Ehhh. It doesn’t bring anything really new to the “genre”, so it was just disappointing.

Wait a minute. Does every coming of age boarding school movie have a shot of everyone sitting/standing in a row?

As an added suck, it is kind of hard to tell how much time passes in the movie. Especially near the end. Just a boring, pointless movie.