Tag: 3 out of 4

I claim to be pretty nerdy on this site, yet almost every time it seems something nerdy comes up, I claim to not be that type of nerd.

This is another example of one of those times. Star Trek? Never really watched any of it. The amount I know about it is the amount I am supposed to know as a pop culture fanatic. I know some of the quoted famous lines, who a couple captains were played by, and that is about it. So hey, this film just has to appeal to those characteristics and be entertaining to watch for me to enjoy it.

Ah, Lens Flare. Makes me think of outer space. I doubt they used enough.

Movie begins not with the crew we love. Its other people. Who totally get attacked my Romulans, when they thought it was just a lightning storm. Turns out they are from the future, and want to kill some Spock dude. Whoops. Too early in time. Nero (Eric Bana), their leader doesn’t care. They continue to attack, killing the captain, leaving George Kirk (Chris Hemsworth) in charge, who orders the fleet to evacuate while he steers the ship on his own into the Romulans. His pregnant wife, Winona (Jennifer Morrison) gives birth to her son in the escape pod, James Tiberius Kirk (Chris Pine), while her husband, you know dies. Totally was a captain for a whole 10 minutes, but at least he saved lives.

Many years later, Kirk is a troublesome son. Smart, but doesn’t make something of his life. He could easily join the starfleet, be an officer in four years, and Captain a ship in eight. But he is lazy. Pike (Bruce Greenwood), a captain convinces him to try otherwise, and he enters star fleet. Definitely not just for a girl, Uhura (Zoe Saldana), an alien language expert.

Three years later, he is doing the Officer test. So soon! He ends up “cheating” some how to pass the test, which is supposed to be unwinnable, made by Spock (Zachary Quinto) himself. Half Vulcan, half Human, who joined Star Fleet instead of a science academy because he didn’t like the discrimination and perceived weaknesses. Eventually a distress signal is found near Vulcan, sending the academy into a panic and sending their entire fleet. Kirk is able to sneak aboard the Enterprise, thanks to the help of his doctor friend Bones (Karl Urban).

Hey look, a lot of other famous characters I have heard referenced before. Like Chekov (Anton Yelchin), a navigator and weird guy, and Sulu (John Cho), playing as George Takei. Scotty (Simon Pegg) gets there eventually.

So yeah, Romulans. They are mad. They set up a trap for the whole fleet! Can the Enterprise survive the attack, save the Vulcans, figure out what time travel shenanigans are going on, and save the day? Sure. But also, Leonard Nimoy.

In Star Trek for 5 minutes. Lands Thor part because of it.

Hey look, this film gave me pretty much everything I wanted in a Star Trek movie, as a non Trekkie, that’s great! My biggest complaint would just be weird technical aspects that tended to take me out of the setting.

Yes, lens flare indeed was an excessive problem. But then just little things that bugged me. Like little Kirk, driving the car and running away from the cops. He turns on the radio, and Sabotage from Beastie Boys comes on. So okay, car is playing music. I’m fine with that. But then car goes over cliff, he jumps out, car super far away, music still loud as ever, now it is just background music? Can’t do that shit to me. That bugs the crap out of me.

I think they did do a pretty good job dealing with a time traveling/parallel universe time line, and used it as a good way to explain why this is different than the TV show.

Hooray 550th review! Err. Okay. Not actually an important milestone, but every 50 seems like a good enough reason for me to do a special longer movie. (Like Twilight 1, 2, 3, 4a, High School Musical (and spinoff), Dark Knight, and Clash Of The Titans).

Recently I finally finished the Saw franchise, and the last four films of the series fit my time frame for reviews. But that’d be weird to review just 4-7 right? Sure, why not. Although it is kind of like 2 trilogies, and a “bonus overall movie connecting even more shit” together. Needless to say, there are tons of spoilers. If you want to know, yes watch the first one at least, it is the best. After that

Let The Games Begin!

Fuck your horror genre. That is what the first Saw said. It begins with Adam (Leigh Whannell) waking up in a tub full of water! It is a dark medical (?) room, and also features a Dr. Lawrence Gordon (Cary Elwes), chained to the wall. Oh, Adam is chained to the wall too. But once they get light on, hey look, dead guy in the middle of the floor. Apparently he shot himself instead of dying to some poison.

Lawrence’s game is to kill Adam before 6pm, or else he loses his wife and kid. They realize they are now victims of the “Jigsaw” killer, some new serial killer who sets victims up in deadly games to fight for survival. They eventually find some hacksaws, that are not strong enough to go through their chains. Nope, have to go through their bones /feet to get out.

As You Wish…

At the same time, we have the crime parts of the story. Try to separate them by a picture!
Detective David Tapp (Danny Glover) and Detective Steven Sing (Ken Leung) are trying to find this guy, and investigating people. Like the Doctor, a victim who escaped, and others. Eventually find a warehouse, and hey, booby traps. Steven Sing totally gets dead.

Also, the whole time it seems that Jigsaw is the one holding Lawrence’s family hostage. Nope. Dude “dead” (Tobin Bell) in the middle of the floor, Jigsaw the whole time, fucking with him. Lawrence escapes (despite losing a lot of blood), and shot but did not kill Adam. Jigsaw/John then locks the door to the room, leaving Adam in the dark and chained there, trapped forever. Fucking creepy. Also, watch out Lawrence!!

THEY ARE BACK. But this time, there is a house of horrors set up with eight people, who have an hour to find the antidotes to a nerve gas being sprayed throughout the house. If they don’t they die, simple. Also other ways to die in this house easily, especially on retrieving the antidote. But wait, is that Amanda (Shawnee Smith)? Yep! The one person to have survived a test from Jigsaw is put into another test. That sucks.
Not only that, but there is a damn kid in there too!

Turns out I have to show gross pictures with this franchise. Don’t do drugs kids!

That kid being the son of Detective Eric Matthews (Donnie Wahlberg), who just lead a SWAT team to find Tobin Bell. He refuses to go with them, but no resistance, and tells him that he just wants him to sit and talk with him for an hour. While the house game is being played, with cameras, of course.

Eventually Eric loses it, thinks he finds his son, but nope. Empty house. That shit took place earlier in the day, and he only thought it was still happening! His son was locked up with Jigsaw the whole time! Amanda was a double agent! Eric is now trapped to die! Fuck!

<--rage dude. This time, Jigsaw has a more specific set of tasks for his victim. Jeff (Angus Macfadyen) is a dude mad because his son died, and got little to no help to deal with it. Jigsaw places him in a meat packing plant, and has him come across people who affected the death of his son, whether they didn’t testify in court, bad judges, or the actual killer. He has the chance to save each person, but it is up to him.

Also, Lynn (Bahar Soomekh), is in the same place, but has a shotgun necklace around he neck. She has to keep Jigsaw alive, from his tumor. If he dies, she dies. If she tries to leave, she dies. She can’t leave until Jeff finishes. Amanda is there to make sure shit goes according to plan.

Brain surgery, serious business, but easy to do with bullets around your neck.

Eric actually escaped from his prison at the beginning of the film. Maybe. Other cops are in this movie, but they are more important next film. Lets just say one of them dies. Also it is unusual to note that someone passed a task early on in the film, but the door was welded shut, making survival impossible. A big change from the normal games, kind of fucked up. (Severely fucked up, actually).

But more importantly, Amanda won’t let Lynn leave! She shoots Lynn, which Jeff sees and shoots Amanda! Turns out Lynn and Jeff were married, and Amanda “failed” her test to follow Jigsaw’s orders. Who dies. HE DIES? THE THIRD MOVIE IN HE DIES? WHAT IN THE FUCK? Sounds dumb, but let’s see what happens. Jeff is now stuck in a different room, with three dead bodies. Awkward.

The cops are now more important, so they get top status! Mark Hoffman (Costas Mandylor) finds a tape recorder (protected) in Jigsaw’s stomach. He is definitely dead. He is told he too will be tested. Just not yet.

Lt. Daniel Rigg (Lyriq Bent) is our fun victim now. Totally in the last movie too, along with Mark. They realize that there is no way Amanda or John could have set up a cop who died in the last film, so someone else must be working on it. Agent Peter Strahm (Scott Patterson) believes Rigg is at fault. But that is just racism.

Rigg is abducted at his own home, and put in a city wide game. He has to figure out clues, go from building to building to “realize” how Jigsaw works, and get in the right state of mind. Most importantly, he has 90 minutes to do it, or else Eric (from movie two yes), and Mark (From above) will both be killed. Rigg himself has it easy. Agent Lindsey Perez (Athena Karkanis) and Peter are following the trail, trying to catch up. She totally gets blasted during this shit.

The first saw trap. Too bad this movie wasn’t called Machete.

Who isn’t as important yet? Jigsaw’s wife. Jill Tuck (Betsy Russell) was pregnant, and had Jigsaw’s baby. Pre Jigsaw, when he was just John. She was a nurse. But forced miscarriage thanks to a robber junkie, who Jigsaw felt the need to punish (above). The famous puppet was meant for his son. Sad.

The two detectives are also trying to figure out what she knows, which is apparently nothing. Rigg was supposed to learn to slow down and not rush into things, but nope. He does. He ends up setting off the trap to kill both Eric and Mark. Or does he?

But then?! Mark gets up and frees himself, not dead! What?! He leaves Rigg to die, and goes on, because he was the accomplice. Also, that autopsy? Takes place after the events in the film. Whoops. Also that Peter guy thought he was in the right spot, but was actually in the same building as Jeff from film 3. Peter shoots Jeff in confusion, whoops.

Getting confused yet? Too bad.

This time the special trap is arranged for five people (in the fifth Saw film, crazy!). They are all chained at the neck and attached to the same rope. Blades behind them, keys ahead of them. One minute timer, who will survive? Turns out four of them. These people, connected by a burning building, are mostly corrupt people, but not entirely bad. I mean, Brit (Julie Benz) is one of them after all.

They have to go through the traps, where one person at a time ends up having to be killed.

Wow, some of these people are actually famous!

Detective wise? Some weird shit. Way too many flashbacks. Needless to say, Peter thinks Mark is the accomplice. Trying to gather proof, Mark sets it up to make it look like Peter did it instead. They do a lot of back and forth shady shit, but Mark totally convinces everyone. Then Peter accidentally lets Mark escape (thinking it a trap) and gets caught and dies himself, so that Mark can run away free.

Also the five people? They were morons. The traps could have been completed just as easily with zero deaths, if they had thought a bit more. All it did was make the final test of getting 10 pints of blood with saws with 2 people much harder than with 5. (I thought all the non five people plot was dumb in this one, by the way. Too many flash backs and bullshit).

Fuck big time insurance companies! This is a film with a message! William Eastbridge (Peter Outerbridge) runs one of them, and didn’t approve of a Norwegian test for Jigsaw to take for Cancer. Jigsaw didn’t like him choosing who lives or dies, so he set up a test…doing just that. He is pitted against his own employees who work for him, and has to help save them while hurting himself potentially. Including the famous scene of the six interns, strapped to a spinning wheel, with a shotgun. He can only save up to two, and if he takes some pain to do it. All while they plead to save them too.

Chat Roulette, in real life. 4 out of 6 will get paired up with a dick (killed), the other 2, friendly strangers (life).

Lot of more crime bullshit. Everyone thinks Peter did it now. Except Lindsey, who was Peter’s partner in Saw 4. She totally didn’t die, secrets! Mark receives instructions from Jill, that she got from Jigsaw’s will, to kill some more people. But the cops are on to him, and note the recording is different and are able to to figure out who the new voice was. So he kills them all. Fuck those guys. Fuck em. But Jill was told by her husband to kill Mark, ending it all. He gets reverse bear trapped, and survives, despite not having a real way too. Tears his cheek though.

And insurance dude? The people watching it were supposed to be his “family”, but it turns out the family we saw were people who lost their dad/husband over one of his decisions, and the family was just his sister. They decide his fate, and yeah, they mad.

It’s finally over right! Nope. Because Mark survived. What in the fuck fuck. Mark is mad, wants to go after Jill.

Turns out there is a group of people who meet to talk about surviving Jigsaw’s puzzles. So we see some people from the past, including Dr. Lawrence, whats up cripple! We get to see how he escaped without his foot. This is all lead by Bobby (Sean Patrick Flanery), a liar. He claims to have escaped from a puzzle, but its all a lie to be a grief counselor and make money.

Well Mark captures him of course. Puts him through a trial, where he has to save his friends and agent and lover. But he fucks some shit up, saves like no one, and can’t even pass the same test he claimed to have conquered in his speeches.

Oh no, they got the Boondock Saints now too!?

Mark is trying to end all this shit now. Especially because Jill went into police custody, to rat him out for protection. He tries to burn up all of his evidence, and leads the SWAT team on a trap to actually break into police head quarters to kill everyone in his path to Jill. Who he reverse bear traps as well, but this time, it works! Yay, Mark is now off scott free. Until people in masks capture him too.

Hey look, how he is chained to the wall, where the first Saw film took place. Oh what’s that, Dr. Lawrence was ALSO working with Jigsaw the whole time after escape? I guess that makes some sense, they needed a doctor for some of that crazy surgery shit. Either way, he decides to not leave him the hacksaw, and leaves him to die, stuck in the room, starving to death in the dark. How dare he fuck with Jigsaw’s wife.

Did I talk enough about this? In case you didn’t know, this shit is torture porn.

I thought the first film was brilliant, the second film had some moments, and the third one was confusing and dumb. Killing off the main killer left us with shitty twist accomplice story lines, and made him seem like an Omnipotent figure who could plan all this shit out. I say bull to that.

The crime figuring it out stuff was a mess, because it felt like they just kept throwing new characters at me to learn and forget. The sixth movie was dreadful, because it was too full of messages. “I don’t like how you decided who lives or dies, so I am going to make you decide who lives or dies”. I was very upset when traps started having lose/lose scenarios, with no chance of survival. But that was all that dick Mark’s fault, who didn’t follow Jigsaw at all.

But hey, at least Cary Elwes came back!

And you know, wasn’t killed by the Dread Pirate Roberts.

In Bruges is one of those movies I heard about before (on the internet! and) from friends, but never really knew how to pronounce.

Oh what a scary film. How could I talk about it with others in real life. Just mumble the title? That second word is way too damn intimidating. Thankfully, that phrase “In Bruges” is uttered in the film on multiple occasions. Whew, problem solved, game over man, game over.

Nothing to do In Bruges. Just gotta look at buildings.

Ray (Colin Farrell) and Ken (Brendan Gleeson) are in Bruges. Yep, movie over.

Ray really really doesn’t want to be in Bruges. I mean, fuck, Belgium? Nothing to do here. Ken seems more optimistic though, loves sight seeing. They are staying at a local small hotel, near christmas, run by a pregnant Marie (Thekla Reuten) and her husband. All we know is they have to stay there for up to two weeks, waiting for a call from some Harry (Ralph Fiennes).

While waiting, they come upon a set for a movie, probably the only movie ever made in Bruges. With a dwarf, Jimmy (Jordan Prentice), some local lady extra (Crackwhore? thief?) Natalie (Elizabeth Berrington) who has a boyfriend, Eirik (Jeremie Renier). Jeez, it’s like you can’t trust anyone In Bruges.

So why are they hanging out in Bruges? What is their secret job? Hopefully it doesn’t involving killing people, that’d make this film about Bruges pretty dark.

Aw fuck.

I have a good bad problem. All the movies I’ve been watching lately I’ve been liking. No variation for the website! Shit!

This film is definitely a different experience. I found it really enjoyable and “funny”, but just a different kind of funny. Colin Ferrel and Brendan Gleeson were pretty great in their performances, despite not knowing for half the movie what they did or what the problem was, just knowing that Ray really really hated Bruges made me giggle. Everything was wrong with that city.

It’s hard to really explain for me what is great about this movie. But it does intensify as the movie progresses, and even after a few shocking scenes, there is still time for some humor in the hotel stand off.

Colin Ferrel in one scene, on drugs? Brilliant. Just brilliant.

Can’t say I knew much about Changeling, heck I didn’t even really hear about it, despite award nominations, and being another Clint Eastwood directed movie.

Heck, even the cover is pretty vague.

But someone is probably going to jail for it.

Christine Collins (Angelina Jolie) is a single mom and a working mom. It is the late 1920s and she basically runs an operator center. Heck, might even has a promotion to Beverly Hills coming soon.

But one day, after work, going to pick up her kid and she cant find him. He is missing. He has wandered off or someone has taken him. Uber freak out, but gotta wait 24 hours first, then file the police report. Either way, super upset.

Well the good news is months later, her kid is reportedly found. Even Captain J.J. Jones (Jeffrey Donovan) of the police force is on deck for the reunion. The LAPD hasn’t had many successes over the years. And when the kid arrives, it is totally not her son. They say that in the few months of grief he has changed, but that is TOTALLY him and take him home, it will sink in.

Nope. Nope nope nope. So not him. He is shorter! Son says he is definitely the son though. They even sent a specialist to “examine him thoroughly”, and or just confirm the police findings. But she says nope, she wants it to be known it is not her son so they can actually continue to look for her damn son!

So with the help of a local reverend (John Malkovich) trying to show how corrupt the LAPD is, and testimonies from the teachers, and dentist (different mouth structure shit), she goes to the press to get her story out with proof that the LAPD refuses to accept that the son is not her own.

Or she is crazy. Which is what the LAPD is willing to believe, throwing her in the Asylum. Huh. Well maybe she is.

And maybe the Canadian child who was apprehended from Gordon Northcott’s (Jason Butler Harner) farm by Detective Lester Ybarra (Michael Kelly) has some secrets he needs to get off his chest.

No I will not make another call me maybe reference here….
Even though they just found him, and she might be crazy, but Mr. Cop Man, that ain’t her baby.

Boo, why did Jeffrey Donovan have to be such a bad guy? I like Burn Notice, damn it.

Angelina Jolie knocked her role out of the park. I was attempting to multi task a bit during this movie, packing up some stuff, but I can tell you very little packing ended up getting done. I was wondering where the story would go, and afraid of most of the outcomes. This is based off of real events in the end of the 1920s, so the LAPD really has always been a piece of shit police organization. Shows about corrupt cops, they actually are probably accurate. Damn.

I can’t tell if I like it more because its a good movie, or because Angelina Jolie has now done multiple movies where I have thought she has been excellent in. Hmm. Hopefully this isn’t a shocked rating. But hey, this movie has it all, corrupt cops, women’s rights, and murderers. Very exciting.

The Dark Knight Rises has the pleasure and curse of being one of the top three anticipated movies of the year (along with The Avengers and The Hobbit).

As it is a straight up sequel, not a collaboration of movies like the Avengers, it almost has more pressure because it will be compared success and fail to The Dark Knight from 2008. Which you’ve seen right? And of course Batman Begins? If you haven’t then you are silly for wanting to see this movie or read this review. Watch the first two movies first, it matters.

What in the what, hey, you there. Stop that! You don’t belong in that safe.

Don’t worry, I wont spoil much. But here, let me set the scene.

The movie takes place eight years after The Dark Knight. Harvey Dent is celebrated as a hero, and Batman (Christian Bale) has taken the fall for his Two-Face badness. So at this point crime is way down. No masked vigilantes, no super humans running amuck. Commissioner Gordon (Gary Oldman) is being a commisioner, and thinking about letting the world really know.

Bruce Wayne is now a shut in, hurt leg, and doesn’t go out much, despite Alfred’s (Michael Caine) best attempts. Wayne Enterprises, still run by Lucious Fox (Morgan Freeman) isn’t poor, but isn’t making really any money anymore. Mostly sucks for all the orphanages and stuff that worked on his funding. A lot of money was tied into a sustainable energy project, brought on by an environmentalist Miranda Tate (Marion Cotillard).

But when a pseudo masked strong man, Bane (Tom Hardy) takes up residence in Gotham city, err, well why is he there? And why the heck is some chick (Anne Hathaway) stealing his jewels when he wants to just be a shut in? And what is with that shifty eyed cop, John Blake (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) with his notions of justice?

Bitches ain’t nothin’ but hoes and tricks.

Ughhh, I wish I was reviewing this in 2014 so I can say all the spoilers. Because yes, 2 years is enough time to allow it.

Performance wise, I loved both Catwoman and Bane. Anne Hathaway personally never disappoints me, and I think she won a lot of naysayers over. Bane was so diabolically creepy to me. Strong, and smart, the best of both worlds, he dismantled all of Gotham and his voice and eyes were just so full of emotion to me. I almost found myself on his side, due to his weird form of Charisma.

Also, fucking Michael Caine. Every time he spoke, you listened. Powerful performance from him.

I think the story still may have been a bit too long. I think early on a few scenes dragged on a bit too long, but I understand the necessity of it all.

I’ve heard people note that there isn’t enough “Batman” in the batman movie. Instead, it felt like a lot more Gotham centric movie, and I loved the attention that went to all the different players. Maybe a bit too much time for Joseph Gordon-Levitt, but hey.

I think I need to say powerful again, because there are a lot of powerful moments. I almost teared up twice, and actually did once again. I like that the expected ending wasn’t what actually occurred. Unfortunately, my comic based activities and hearing rumors gave me a specific mind set going into the film. I kept forcing plot points to go to my mindset instead of how they were presented, and fuck me, I was right.

From Fear, to Chaos, to Pain, I think the trilogy as a whole will be celebrated for its “Realism” in terms of a comic book movie, and great attention to detail, along with the social implications of it all. Whether or not this is what the people who grew up during the late 70s felt when Star Wars was being released, I don’t know, but it probably will be one of the closest relatable feelings I have to something like that.

John Carter has been hit hard, right in the rear end, with piss poor advertising and some early reviews.

An expensive Disney movie, should have had a lot going for it, but nope. Nothing. Personally I have heard of John Carter before, vaguely, I knew it was sci-fi books from the yesteryears. But when I first saw a trailer for it, I only could think of how bad it looked. My first thought was that “What? They made a movie using all the left over prop parts from Prince of Persia. Who cares.”

Way too similar, the main peoples outfits, and both in deserts. Yeah, whatever. Some aliens too, cool.

Turns out Disney for whatever reason didn’t try too hard to market it, or get the facts right with their own movie. So they deserve it I guess. Next thing you know is Pixar will just assume everyone will go their movies if they make them (and they will).

“So you…don’t have access to the sands of time?” John Carter stammered, glancing towards his script.

The movie begins with….NOT JOHN CARTER (Taylor Kitsch). Instead he is dead. Sad times. He has left his rich later 1800s fortune to a nephew or something of his, Edgar (Daryl Sabara). He is told he only has access to his personal diary. In it he says all of his past stories he told him were true! But here is a re-telling of how it began…

Long ago, after the Civil war in the area not yet known as Arizona, Carter was just trying to get by, looking for gold. Well the local US army there wants to enlist him to help fight the Apache (Since he was a kick ass soldier/leader in the Civil War). John doesn’t want too, much to the general’s (Bryan Cranston) demands. He tries to escape multiple times, eventually does, and when they run into the Apache, he successfully escapes both groups into a cave. Some weird shit happens, and he is transported far and away to a different desert.

WHERE HE CAN FLY. Not really, but jump super awesomely far. Hells yeah. But then some aliens run into him. Behemoth ten foot tall monsters, with four arms. They are confused by him, but eventually capture him (not kill) to bring back to their base. The head mean guy Tal Hajus (Thomas Haden Church) wants to kill him so badly, but the king, Tars Tarkas (Willem Dafoe) says no. Fuck that. Train that dude. He can jump like crazy.

Also there is other shit going on, between some kingdom called Helium and Zodanga. Helium is the good guys, war, the princess of Helium (Lynn Collins) has to marry someone in Zodanga, or else. She said nope. War stuff. Escapes, John saves her. Big war. Bald dude magic guy (Mark Strong) from Zodanga wants to fuck all the shit up.

Eventually a journey starts up to end the war, between the nations and the big alien things. With a dog like creature too. And the daughter of the alien king (Samantha Morton). Shit, details aren’t necessary. But a lot fighting ends up happening, some personal shit with John Carter’s nuclear family, and some other shenanigans (like you know, going back to Earth, obviously).

“Oh fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!” John Carter sighed, quite nonchalantly.

Holy shit, this movie was more than about a guy on Mars, fucking up some shit. There was some stuff about post civil war Arizona! Some history! Yeah!

I loved the beginning of the movie a lot. From his bumbling in Az, to his bumbling on Mars and having no idea what is going on. I’d say about halfway, I did lose a bit of the drive. I think the war between nations, and an alien nation could have been simplified a bit. Instead of just throwing out a bunch of people with weird names at me. I bet, I bet reading the book would have made it all simpler, which is not a good thing for a movie.

But in terms of action/adventure entertainment? I was definitely entertained. Well done. Unfortunately this monetary flop means not only probably no more John Carter movies, but that Disney will in general stay away from Mars forever.

I had a mini theme day yesterday. Realized I had a long block of time, very long, and to make the best of it I wanted to watch some long movies.

So I figured I might as well start with a long movie with a long title, hooyah! The Assassination Of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford, and that is one of the last times I have to type it all out. Yes. For those curious, I then went The Patriot and The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly (Yes, seeing both for the first time as well, shut up).

Just a normal day in the life of Jesse James. Getting stared at by Robert Ford, obsessively.

You know whats awesome? Kind of spoiling the ending. Jesse James (Brad Pitt) totally dies in this movie. So if you have a collection of movies where Brad Pitt dies in them, this better be in it.

The movie takes place in the last few months of Jesse James life, including his last train robbery. He has the last remnants of his gang, including Frank James (Sam Shepard), Dick Liddil (Paul Schneider), Wood Hite (Jeremy Renner) and Ed Miller (Garret Dillahunt). Eventually they are joined by the likes of the Ford brothers, Charley (Sam Rockwell) and his younger brother Robert (Casey Affleck).

Growing up, Robert was obsessed with the tales of Jesse James and his gang of outlaws. He knew all about them, from the trains taken, to Jesse’s shoe size. He was his hero! Which is why he was in a situation where he finally got to join the gang and go on a mission with them, despite the fact that everyone else found his obsession a bit creepy. The robbery doesn’t lead to the riches they thought were coming, leaving a very disappointing final heist.

Then in the final months, we have Robert Ford getting to spend time with his FAMILY. He has kids! And a wife (Mary-Louise Parker)! What! But that ends eventually too, and he then lives with a few of the previous mentioned former outlaws.

But over the final months, Jesse finds himself a bit more paranoid with less people he can trust each and every day. So some people die. Some people get arrested. And Robert Ford is left with an ultimatum, kill or arrest Jesse James himself, or find himself in prison.

LOOK AT THAT CINEMATOGRAPHY. Look at ittt.

“Wait a minute! That movie is 160 minutes! You barely gave any plot? Does it move slow?”

Well technically, and despite the fact that you already know what it is about (The Death of Jesse James), I didn’t feel a real need but to introduce the characters and the first few scenes.

Why is this movie so long? Probably because this director loves him some detail. The camera works was almost orgasmic on Blu-Ray, and all the scenes gorgeous, but not over the top. But even better than that was, surprisingly enough, Casey Affleck. Yes, Ben’s younger brother. He made this movie his bitch, and was so damn good at the role. Brad Pitt, also excellent in this film, both surely scene steals, but the level of detail that went in from Casey was just astounding. It all felt so real, which made it all a bit more eerie and awesome.

All of the acting was really well done, and I was very interested in the story line. Of course, one other problem with it could be just that it is…well very damn long. Hard to justify watching this movie a lot, without wanting to just skip around to a few scenes. Also super dramatic. Not a wild wild west shoot em up. Only a few shooting scenes really.

Dubbed “one of the first great movies of 2012” by one of my friends, it took me quite awhile to watch The Grey. Not even sure why. I generally like Liam Neeson. Everyone loves Taken. I hated Unknown. I feel like I’d never give a movie of his a 2 out of 4, always in the extremes. Extremes are scary.

They are like a box of chocolates, and what not.

This journey aged him. Or that is just snow.

John Ottway (Liam Neeson) is a hunter, working for an oil drilling team. His job is to kill the wolves who get near the team. He is pretty good at it, kickass gun and all that. Well after they leave in the plane, their job done, fucking snow storm happens and they crash into the ground. Yep, that sucks. Lot of people die from the initial crash, leaving about 7-8 guys still alive and wondering what to do.

Initially the plan is to stay with the plane crash, the most likely place to be found for a rescue. But with all the bodies around, the wolves are attracted to the area, and they are way too out in the open to defend themselves properly (From the elements / wolves) and have no food source. So Ottway suggests they go to the woods, where they can better defend, prepare weapons and begin to look for civilization. One asshole doesn’t like the thought of Ottway as leader, Diaz (Frank Grillo) but they all reluctantly decide to do it, and bring the wallets of the dead with them.

The rest of the survivors, Dermot Mulroney, Dallas Roberts, Nonso Anozie, and Joe Anderson, also attempt to survive the elements, from sudden blizzards, jumping large heights, and just general wolf pack attacks testing their survival.

But when they are tested at every moment for survival, the true question is if anyone can make it out alive from the wilderness.

Sometimes you gotta tape broken bottles to your fist and just go to town.

Hey look a polarizing movie! Hooray!

Generally, most people like 98% of the movie. But hate the last scene. I can see why. Spoilers? It is one of those sudden go to black scenes. Just ends the movie, potentially before all the plot is “finished”. So if you hate those, then definitely stay away.

They did have a scene after the credits to help answer it, but still leaves it up for some interpretation. But still, the bleakness remains.

What we have in this movie is a group of men, all with flaws and bad back stories, yet all become potentially likable, even dick characters, as they bond together to fight for survival. Which is all this movie is about, by the way. People just trying to survive. Maybe they all do! But you know people are going to die. Could have easily went a more horror route with the wolves, but kept it to drama/action, making it more enjoyable for me.

Still some fear though. Those wolves be scary, yo.

I really knew nothing about the plot of A Single Man before i watched it. Only thing I knew is that there was controversy around it, and that there was claims that it deserve the best actor award, not just nomination.

We will see. I will say that Crazy Heart, with Jeff Bridges winning that year, definitely wasn’t my favorite movie, so I can probably agree that someone else should have won without too much effort.

Uh oh, man and woman laying down. Clearly they must have had sex.

George (Colin Firth) is just a man, a single man. Single meaning just one person, but also at this point, he no longer has a lover. But why not? Because traffic is a bitch.

This takes place a month or so after the Cuban Missile Crisis, so it is a much scarier, yet simpler time. He was living with Jim (Matthew Goode) for sixteen years in a suburban neighborhood, who seemed pretty accepting of them as a couple, but they still couldn’t be too open about their relationship. After Jim dies in a car accident, George is pretty distraught. Never really the same, and couldn’t even go to the funeral (Jim’s family would not allow it).

George is a professor of literature at a university, and he doesn’t like the world right now. Fear everywhere, a fear of communism, fear of different types of people, etc. So he has decided he is done with the world, and at the end of the day he will kill himself..

The movie is a day in his life, potentially the last day of his life. With some flashbacks of course. George attempts to handle all of his affairs, and say goodbye to his friends. Including a last dinner with his neighbor, Charley (Julianne Moore) who is a single lady, after a divorce, and also longing for love in the world. There is also a story involving a Hispanic man who lets George borrow a cigarette, and a student of his, Kenny (Nicholas Hoult) who might just be in the same boat as him.

Don’t look into his eyes. Don’t do it.

Wow. Just wow. First off, some of the scenes are a bit weird. The flashbacks, the day, some of the shots are pretty artsy. Slow motion, imagery, etc. But a majority of the time it is straight forward, minus a bit of eye obsession. George during his day tends to stare deeply into peoples eyes, and study them, looking for that bit of compassion.

The acting in this movie is extraordinary. Damn that Colin Firth. Probably part of the reason he won The King’s Speech is from the accumulation of his other roles right before it when he knocked that shit out of the park. This is based off of a book and controversy before hand involved the trailers/posters seemingly “taking the gay out” of the movie. Focusing more on him and Julianne Moore, not him and Jim or Kenny. I am sure that mostly had to do with getting the trailers in theaters, than anything. You know those ratings, they hate gay kissing.

I am not sure if the movie will have the best replay value. Might not be as interested in some of the longer detailed scenes, but the dialogue is so interesting and seemingly important, I could probably listen to it multiple times. Bit weird, but very powerful.

I have about three movies that I have been putting off, all with ice in the title. No idea why I have been waiting. Especially during this horrible heat wave. Maybe watching more movies about snow would be a good thing?

Thin Ice at least sounds like it will have some sort of scary element. No one wants to skate on Thin Ice. Shit can break man, and then what? You are in cold water.

I take sayings seriously.

I would now like to go over the paperwork assigned to this honey theory of yours.

Liability insurance agent Mickey Prohaska (Greg Kinnear) is a hot shot in the sales world. He even teaches seminars to people around the state of Minnesota on how to initiate conversations with strangers at bars and other public outings. Everyone is a potential customer. Everyone should be taken for as much money as possible, no exceptions.

After a rough night, where a con artist woman had stolen his wallet, he just wants to get the heck out of this small town. He re meets Bob Egan (David Harbour), a promising new sales man, and gives him a job from his company to sell in his town. On a routine visit, he joins Bob to an older mans cain to show him how to extort people for the most money. Screw this friendly bull shit. Gorvy Hauer (Alan Arkin) is extremely absent minded, wants to pay in change, keeps forgetting what is going on. After a small deal is made, Mickey finds out that Gorvy holds a potential very rare violin, from a local music shop owner (Bob Balaban). Its initial appraisal puts it a $25,000, but eventually they find out its actual rarity puts it at over a million.

Mickey freaks out, in huge money trouble, and potential divorce from his wife (Lea Thompson), so he sets about on a scheme to take the violin and sell it on his own. But at the same time, thanks to nice Bob, Gorvy gets a security system set up in his house. Shit. Mickey then begins to try and convince Randy (Billy Crudup) to work with him on stealing the violin, splitting some profits potential. But then things get out of hand. Someone dies. Cover up. Bad mojo. Escalation. Everything potentially going wrong. And an ever suspicious office assistant (Michelle Arthur).

No wood chipper? No problem. Can always hide bodies in a frozen lake.

Turns out when this movie was hitting the film festivals, it was called The Convincer. Not the best title, but people thought it was decent. It was sold to a studio, fine print wasn’t read, and bam, lots of things changed. Apparently over 20 minutes of scenes were cut, multiple scenes with the main actors had to be re shot, and other changes. The director was so distraught she wanted her name off of the movie.

But I obviously saw the Thin Ice version, and reserve my right to change my mind should I see The Convincer, but I loved this one.

Why? Well for one, it is basically the sequel to Fargo. People die, its up north, snow, Midwest accents, etc. Involves schemes to make money by screwing other people, and quirky natives. It features no one from Fargo, but who cares? This film was clearly inspired by it.

I thought the ending was pretty great, didn’t really see it coming, and loved the escalation of events. Sucks that the director got wronged, but man, I doubt the other version was that much better or different.