Tag: 2 out of 4

State Of Play was originally much further on my “to watch list”, but thanks to not getting the next shipment of movies in time, it became a quick backup plan. I just assumed it would be a lame thriller, but it turned out to be a lot more interesting.

But first you have to assume that Russell Crowe is supposed to be okay with looking like a hobo.

Hobo looking Crowe is some big shot journalist. Old school methods, has some sort of integrity. But the movie opens with deaths! The first thing you see him do is get extra info from the head cop, because oh boy is he sly. Ben Affleck plays a congressman who is in charge of a committee / task force brought together to investigate PointCorp, a Blackwater like group that appears to be profiting way too much from the war, and shady tactics with mercenaries.

Turns out that besides the deaths, a woman also committed suicide in one of the three areas of the Metro in DC that isn’t covered by cameras. Of course foul play is expected, especially when she is on the same committee and a secret lover of Ben. Oh noes!

Rachel McAdams is also a new reporter, former blogger, who is assigned to the case with Crowe (before it becomes the big deal that it is). Also involved in smaller roles are Jason Bateman, Robin Wright, and Jeff Daniels.

For the movie, you will follow the journalist and police investigations of this crime, as they work together, and try and unravel who is behind everything and why are the events happening. Along th heads Crowe and McAdams different philosophies on journalism but heads, and is a central plot. A lot of ethical lines are also crossed, in order for “justice.”

Of course, you could also just completely guess what happens by the end too, and be right. I kinda did.

My guess was that Affleck wears a tie. Cha-ching!

Although interesting, a lot of it went over my head. Talk of war, politics, journalistic integrity, these are not my forte. I just like movies. I think I’d really have to watch it twice just in order to get it all. Definitely a smarter movie too. So for that…

To continuing with my current “White theme” and “Irish theme“, I am now going to join both worlds. White Irish Drinkers. Mind blown, huh?

Besides, they already made White Russian Drinkers.

White Irish Drinkers is about two brothers, Nick Thurston and Geoffrey Wigdor (or Brian and Danny Leary). Danny is the older one, and a punk. But he is also abused! His dad, another Irish drinker, spends a lot of his paycheck on alcohol, and takes his anger out on Danny, not Brian.

Brian is a nicer kid, but he also only gets beaten up from his brother. Surprise! He is also a good artist. But he keeps it a secret from his parents, he doesn’t want to be called names or anything. This is the 70s! He should be working in the mill (or something) in Brooklyn. Whatever they have there.

The dad is Stephen Lang, from Avatar/Terra Nova. The mom is played by Karen Allen, and Leslie Murphy the love interest thing.

What is going on in Brooklyn? Brian works at a theater, and it turns out the ROLLING STONES are going to stop in to play a small concert. The owner of the theater knows the manager, and as a favor they are willing to make a stop. But, they can only advertise the day of, no advanced ticket sales, and what not. So in preparation, you know what is going to happen? The brothers are going to steal all that money, run away from home, and start a new life abuse free. What could go wrong (besides morality)?

Moustache-tic!

The movie was slow at parts, but all of it was building up for the final 20-30 minutes. I can say I did not expect the ending at all, and found myself agreeing with a lot of the characters. Well played indeed. The final final scene was a nice act of redemption, possibly unnecessary, but hey, everyone watching wanted it. Okay movie, definitely helps if you too are drinking during it. Get into that city living Irish stereotype mindset.

A live action movie about The Smurfs? How can that smurfin’ work? That doesn’t make any smurf sense. But, by the end, it was definitely pretty smurfy.

Oh don’t worry, I am done doing that.

I won’t explain the back story of Smurfs. Should be pretty public knowledge. But in their magical world, before the Blue Moon festival, a few of the smurfs accidentally get transported, along with Azrael and Gargamel (Hank Azaria)! They must figure out how to return, and you know, not turn into magic juice.

Also! Neil Patrick Harris and Jayma Mays are expecting a baby, while NPH has to make a new ad design for the cosmetics company he works for and his boss Sofia Vergara (from Modern Family).

Which smurfs made the cut into reality? Of course Papa Smurf (Jonathan Winters) and Smurfette (Katy Perry). Without them, who would watch? We also got Brainy Smurf (Fred Armisen) for “problem solving”, Grumpy Smurf (George Lopez) for “lols”, and Clumsy Smurf (Anton Yelchin) for conflict building. I think Gutso Smurf (Alan Cumming) was created for the movie, but they needed a more kick ass smurf I guess. A lot more famous people for other smurfs, but those smurfs aren’t as smurf important.

This movie (or at least NPH) ask a lot of questions normal people wonder. Like if they are named after their major personality, do they get a name later in life, or born with that name. The movie answers the question, kinda.

In terms of CGI, it is pretty good. They fit the smurfs into the real world very well. Nothing (too) cheesy, and I was able to believe it.

What was pretty weird was the Guitar Hero scene, though. Guitar Hero is dead.

NPH and Jayma were fine. Azaria made a GREAT Gargamel. I was hoping for Danny DeVito to be him personally, just on looks. But Azaria just had it all going for him. Also, super cheesy. But you could hear the Moe Sizlack in his voice. Also interesting.

Story line was also interesting. I was entertained throughout, which is really all you can ask from a family centric movie. There was enough subtle jokes in there too for adults to enjoy as well.

I was going to watch this with “Smurf-O-Vision” too, as it was advertised. With an iPad/iPhone, you could download an app to go with the movie. It made it seem like if Smurfs would fly off of of screen, they’d fly onto the iPad, and other weird things. A new dimension of fun! But what really happens (I tried this for 5~ minutes, app took forever to load too) is a bunch of stupid things. Also it ruins the movie. In this version of the movie, the main smurf cast are also watching, and often the screen will shrink and you will see their reactions too. I was like “okay, as long as it doesn’t ruin the movie”. But then once it shrunk again and the director appeared and talked over dialogue, I was immediately done and calling it a failure. Just meant as a way to distract kids more so, I think.

Besides that, the movie is smurfy.

Our Idiot Brother, or “that movie where Paul Rudd has a beard and long hair” can somewhat be compared to Hesher.

Why? Because the main characters both have long hair, when normally they don’t have long hair. Outside of the head situation, movies are quite different though.

Also, Rudd wears nifty sweaters, while “Hesher” doesn’t own shirts.

The movie begins with Paul Rudd being PUT IN JAIL! For selling pot. But he is a friendly guy. He got out of jail pretty early. See, he isn’t an “idiot”. He just assumes the best out of everyone. Why would people want to screw him over?

Enter his sisters. Liz (Emily Mortimer), the oldest, married to Steve Coogan, a documentary maker. Then there is Miranda (Elizabeth Banks, who looks way too much like Parker Posey), writer for some sort of magazine! Has a neighbor too, Adam Scott, and she is very bossy. And last he has Zooey Deschanel, hippy sexual sister, living with like, seven roommates and currently lesbianing it up with Rashida Jones (who is the “more successful stern” lesbian).

After being released from prison, he is kicked out of his old home, and lives with the different members of his family. Of course while he does, he “Accidentally screws everything up” by doing the right thing, trying to make everyone happy, and believing other people to honest / not so cynical. So more or less, he is just a good free spirit, who doesn’t think the world is out to get him.

And that’s the movie. By the end they all love each other and have their lives fixed (and in better standing) than before, and then they do a giant disco party.

Hah! No disco party. Sorry. But here is Zooey and Rashida.

It was an enjoyable movie, but I thought it could have been a lot better. Not sure if I will ever watch it again, but glad I got to see it at least once. Paul was great in this role, pretty different than his normally “ahhh everything so stressful!” roles. His character does crack near the end, and it was great. The sisters all had good chemistry with each other and him, and it actually felt like a family.

One Day is a British movie, based on the British book of the same name. Creative right? In fact, this book was apparently so good, it was made into a movie pretty damn quick from when it came out. But why is it called One Day?

Because it tells the story of a man and a woman. On one day of the year. For twenty years. July 15, 1989-2009, to be exact.

St. Swithun’s day and Eddie Griffin‘s birthday. But I am sure you knew that.

Anne Hathaway and Jim Sturgess play the main two roles, and thus are the only people that matter. It starts with them graduating from some UK college, and spending the night together. They decided to be friends, and over the next many years they end up working on their goals to be famous and be a writer. Also with different (sometimes plentiful) lovers, and at different times loving the other. Very unfortunate.

What is fortunate is that so much happened on July 15 between them. Pretty handy! It also has Patricia Clarkson, as the mother of Jim. I don’t think Anne’s parents are talked about at all.

You know what I don’t care about? Accents. To say someone from an area has the “wrong English accent” or a bad accent, or whatever, sounds completely stupid. All people from an area do not talk identical. It is based on how they hear a lot of their earlier words. Parents and shit. I will never care about someone’s accent, and if it is “real” enough or not, because technically, there isn’t a real accent at all. To do that would be stereotyping, people.

(There is also complaints that her accent changes throughout the movie. Which makes sense, as she moves around to different parts of Europe in the movie, and overtime, that shit changes.)

It was probably hard for them to find people who could look the ages of 22-42, or whatever the range may be. They change their hairstyles a bunch and do a pretty good job. They also make Anne look like the adult female version of Harry Potter at the beginning.

You’re welcome for that.

The story was interesting, and of course sad at a lot of parts. Sometimes the “date” that was flashed on the screen was hard to see, and I wouldn’t necessarily know it was a new year. They should have been less clever with that. It was an okay story. Probably rushed, compared to a novel. I think there definitely could have been more. Decent movie, but not the best. Also, there is some nakedness, which is shocking for a PG-13 movie, but not shocking for an Anne Hathaway movie.

When I saw The Art of Getting By was going to star Freddie Highmore, I guffawed out loud. That kid? The one from Spiderwick Chronicles and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory?

Well, dude bro isn’t a kid anymore. Well. Kiddish. But he is a lot taller and way more mature.

Or at least Emma Roberts is super short.

The movie begins with George having to explain why he didn’t do his trigonometry homework. Why? Because he claims he realized his own mortality last night and everything else just seemed unimportant. So at that moment I figured this George guy was supposed to be very smart, but you know, an underachiever. What happens in this movie? Him accidentally befriending Emma Roberts. George falls in love with her, but has some social anxieties to go with the rest of his problems (including becoming poor?) so he flips a shit of course. It also turns out that by the end of the year, thanks to never doing any work (well, gradable work), he also will not graduate.

Alright, so my plot write up is kind of weak. It is hard to say what really happens in this movie without giving a lot of it away.

In fact, I had a hard time figuring out if I even liked it overall or not. I thought Freddie did a great job. The dialogue used I definitely loved, as he talked way too smart. There is a great scene where he calmly and rationally told his parents to leave him alone. Giving nice reasons and everything.

But really, that is all I probably really liked. The ending wasn’t at all original. The side story involving the artist Andrew Levitas wasn’t anything special either. The only great parts involved George and his interactions with his family and new friends. The story might not appeal to everyone. In fact, it is just one of those “privileged white people problems” movies. I think that is why the critics hated it so much.

Sometimes people like those kind of movies though.

But because Freddie just did so gosh darn good, I have to give it an okay rating.

Yeahhhhhhhhh Sexytime!

Pink Robe? Check. Redneck? Check. Mexican Donut? Double Check!

Sex Drive was a teen road trip comedy coming of age story movie, that when it came out, I think I saw about one advertisement for. Like every movie, I was about to watch the unrated version of the movie, but it began quite differently.

The unrated version begins with a poorly edited (on purpose) message to viewers, that the unrated is significantly different. It has more boobs and dicks, more jokes, and is way too long. Since it said it was only for already fans, I switched to regular, and holy crap, the unrated has about 20 more minutes of time added to it. That is serious.

The movie is kind of like The Sure Thing. Kind of. Josh Zuckerman is chatting up a girl on the internet, and lying, because that is expected. For some reason, her lies make her want to do him, so he decided to drive from Chicago to Knoxville to hit that. So he steals his brother’s car (James Marsden), and along with his best friend who thinks he should be a dick to chicks (Clark Duke), and accidentally with his best friend whom he likes (Amanda Crew), he drives off!

CRAZY ADVENTURES COMMENCE!

But does it end with Zuckerman and Crew falling in love? Of course. Fuck you if you thought differently.

Also in this movie are Katrina Bowden, from 30 Rock, as internet girl, and Seth Green, playing the role of “master of Sarcasm Amish dude”. His role was fantastic. Also, James Marsden as “entirely way too offensive older brother” had me laughing out loud on more than one occasion.

So if you want a comedy full of sex jokes, and obvious plot paths, Sex Drive is your movie. Not sure if I will ever watch the unrated version, but I am sure it is way different.

Such shifty eyes, Seth.

Looking at all of the tags, I know you are thinking the same thing. How the hell does a movie called Predators not also include Chris Hanson?

Because he’d catch them all too quickly and make them have a seat.

The movie begins with Adrien Brody falling in the sky. He is strapped to the chair and flipping out, cause he is falling through the sky. He kinda gets a parachute off, allowing him to note die, but also, only kinda. I generally don’t expect to see Brody as a big action star, but he pulled it off pretty convincingly in the jungle.

Who else fell from the sky? A bunch of soldiers and criminals I tell ya! Alice Braga, the only woman, Danny Trejo, Walton Goggins (Rapist like guy who is in prison jump suit) and Topher Grace. Topher Grace?! Yeah. He is just a doctor. Awkward.

Also, later they meet a past survivor. One Laurence Fishburne, kicking ass, and taking names.

So why are they out in the middle of no where? Eventually they find out that they are prey, for some type of aliens war games. Humans who speak English tend to call them Predators, which is good to know! I am sure their alien name is something like Graafbbfzx. These Predators only tend to kill bad humans though, not innocent ones. So, the title makes more sense when you realize that even the prey are “predators” in their own right. We see what you did there, movie people.

But an alien that only prededates on other predators? So it is like an army of strong, alien, highly technological, Dexters.

I can kind of see the resemblance too.

What can you expect from a movie based on some 80s movies? A pretty decent action movie, actually. By making all the humans bad people, I have no problem with a force running around killing humans. Usually I think Humans > All Aliens, but hey, if they are bad people, who cares right? So I can enjoy the (many) deaths that occur, and the tactics the humans use to try and survive and kill them first.

Thankfully the plot didn’t have much going for it. A very easy thing to imagine, since we already have to imagine aliens with great technology, we can easily imagine they can have a planet where humans can live, and teleport them from Earth to this place, and you know, death. Also there was a samurai sword fight scene out of no where. These Predators at heart at just warriors, and duelists. They give humans a fair fight, and I like that too. What is the fun in massive slaughter?

So, I think Mean Girls 2 was a made for TV movie, on ABC Family or something like. It is also a stand alone film. You don’t have to know anything about Mean Girls, because the two films are nothing alike. Okay, it does happen to be the same high school. Oh, and the popular people are “Plastics” again, but hey, whatever.

Picture: Some Plastics. A girl no one likes. And the main character. Can you guess who is who!?

This movie is about a girl named Jo (Meaghan Martin). She moves around a bunch because her dad does work for…something. I dunno, it involves fixing cars. She is good at working with tools too. Yes, I realize she is a woman, weird right? She has rules at new schools. Befriend no one, avoid girl drama, avoid dumb boys. Usually works out. But this is her last stop before college. She wants to be an Architect! She wants to go to Carnegie Mellon, but she also needs money. Especially since she has impossible tasks to get a scholarship like “over 2300 on the SAT, verbal and math”, a completely nonsensical statement which proves the writes don’t know how to get into college.

Anyways.

Despite already kind of making friends with Jennifer Stone (or at least hating the popular kids with her), her super rich dad offers her money to be her friend. As they are stupid wealthy (and why the rich girl hates her. Because she is slightly more wealthy, yet not as pretty) they want to buy her happiness, and realize she needs friends. So reluctantly, she takes it, since she needs to pay for college, and well, you know where this is going.

She becomes popular, and so does her new friend (Who she really befriends). They have a rival group! The Anti-plastics. By the title of Mean Girls, you realize that the only really big mean things that happen are a result of Jo, not the “mean girls”. They eventually retalliate, but a bit too far. So ired of all the shit, tired of being a “girl”, Jo (leader of the Anti-Plastics, if you forgot) wants them to settle it like men! Footballllllllllllll.

Because Men aren’t complicated.

So yeah. Nothing like the other mean girls. BUT. Tim Meadows in this movie, and his role is a bit funnier than the last. Still the principal, of course. That’s why this can be a sequel.

I think a lot of the hate comes from the fact that it is “2” and therefore compared to Mean Girls. On its own, this is an okay movie. It has some funny parts, expected parts. Is it a lot worse than the first? Heck yeah. But it doesn’t mean it automatically is one of the worse movies ever. It is okay and decent. This just goes to show, movies can be better than their name or cover. Except for Mars Needs Moms. That one cannot be.

Conan the Barbarian! Another reboot of another movie that is commonly considered an original. As always, I won’t compare this to the “original Conan“, nor will I compare it to the Conan books, (because I never do. And because I’ve never read them). All I really know is that the Conan creator was good friends with HP Lovecraft, so if we could just get a Cthulhu in the movie, that’d be perfect.

“Dead by dawn! Dead by dawn!”

The story begins with Ron Perlman, running around on a battlefield. He finds a wife. Oh shit she just gave birth. ON A BATTLEFIELD. What can this mean? They call this baby…Conan.

Then some guy comes over like, 10 years later, and is trying to collect the pieces of a mask. Each chieftain has a piece of the mask. Conan is too weak to stop the army, and the chieftain kills everyone but him, and gets the last mask piece. The mask gives ultimate power….eventually. Because for some reason, another ~10 years later, the world is still not completely shit. The guy also has to kill a pure blood thing, in order to unlock its powers. Apparently it takes a LONG time to find one of these people. Because now Conan, older and more Jason Momoa, can stop them.

Pirates. Accidentally finding the pure blood woman (Rachel Nichols), fighting, vengeance. This is the rest of the plot. Rose McGowan also plays a super creepy looking sorceress chick. Like. Way too much forehead. Was very surprising to look at. Oh yeah, there is some narration done too, of course, by Morgan Freeman.

There is a lot of blood and gore in this movie. Nudity too. You’d expect both in a movie all about killin’ and fightin’ though. The music that went with it was pretty good, and the visuals were pretty decent. The overall plot was of course super weak, and I was getting bored by the end. So much that I started listening more to the music and replacing the bass lines with words like “Fight” and “Action” to enjoy myself more. What?

There was no Cthulu, but there was a weird octopus monster thing! So that is close. Also there was a very exceptional fight scene with this sand warrior thing that kicked so much ass, it is pretty much worth it, for at least that.

And for people who really like Rose McGowan’s head.