Something Borrowed

This movie is a ‘chick flick’ with Kate Hudson, the young wife from Big Love, Some guy in a lot of Soaps, and Jim from the Office.

batman and robin
Holy clickable links, Batman!

I obviously wasn’t expecting much from this film to begin, but all of my laughs ended up being from JohnK, as his character seemed like it was acting identically like Jim, with just a little bit less looking at the camera. The story itself is bad morally. So much cheating and lies and not telling people whats going on (different from lies).

You see, girl likes boy. Boy is getting married to other girl. Boy used to like first girl. They girl 1 and boy decide to hook up anyway. Hahaha. Something Borrowed. It’s that wedding thing, but what is being borrowed is a husband!

All the lies that went back and forth was just awkward. I was frustrated with the people. It doesn’t help that based off of the characters characteristics (what?) the wrong choice seems to have been made at the end which is also just frustrating. But yeah. Everyone is flawed in promiscuity, except one character, who I guess is flawed in his anger (probably just represents how the viewers would be acting).

Also, roughly every other scene it seems like people were drinking and or drunk. Ah yes, Alcohol, the catalyst for shy white people to make bad decisions.

1 out of 4.

The Informant

I bought this movie because the cover made me laugh. Mattttt Damonnn just looks ridiculous.

The Informant Cover
Look at it, in all its glory.

And it seems hilarious. Didn’t read the back, no idea on what it was about, just his ridiculous ridiculous face. I think not knowing anything about it a much more enjoyable experience.

The movie tells of Matttt Damonnn, working for a company, which happens to be doing some illegal shenanigans. Nothing that important, just that his company has been involved with price fixing. He decides to tell the FBI. He didn’t think it would turn out to be such a big deal. He thought he could let them know, and be done with it. Nope. They needed proof. This causes him to become one of the most cooperative informants they have ever had. He is SUPER awkward though throughout it. And it is great.

Unfortunately some of the details he gives them are not adding up. Bunch this up with the fact that he is a weird guy, sometimes forgetting meetings, and avoiding people. Is there more shit going on? Maybe. His wife is played by Melanie Lynskey and the FBI agents are Scott Bakula and Joel McHale.

Mattttttttt Damonnnnnnnn

You keep asking yourself “WHY are you doing that???” Without trying to spoil anything, the movie gets pretty deep with its subject material. You just can’t stop watching the train wreck, thinking it can’t be real. You also never really know exactly what is going on.

It was good to be on that ride. What made it even more funny was Damon’s random thoughts throughout the movie, said through voice over. Generally these thoughts had nothing to do with the current scene, and it could make you miss important information. But the only thing you could do was nod along and think, “Huh. Why IS that?” It is also based on a true story (or at least the books about the true story), which I didn’t know until the end. Shocked I tell ya.

I should say ridiculous again.

3 out of 4.


Holy shit (hah!) is this movie short! I mean, my bar said 87 minutes, but the credits began at the 80 minute mark. The opening credits was a good chunk as well (even though there was story during that, but more on that later).

What is this, Land Before Time VI? (No. That is 77 minutes long). A friend of mine said that he thought they left a lot of the movie on the cutting room floor, which I have to agree. The plot confused me at times, and its not like this is hard hitting thinking material. But everything was either rushed. Or just not much happened. It is hard to tell.

Above: Either hard hitting thinking material, rushed material, or nothing at all.

Did I find things interesting? Yes. I enjoyed a majority of the fight scenes, visually they were great. Speaking of visually great, the opening of movie was good too. I believe it was done by the Priest artist of the comic, Hyung Min-woo. Probably why it was overall my favorite part.

I liked that the vampire eggs apparently hatched the same way a whelp hatchling would (Yah, I went WoW). I understand why the vampires lacked eyes and were very bug like. That is just science! I also like how it was a pseudo-western with kind of science fictiony angle.

Now I don’t understand why the Church would lie. I don’t understand why he went corny at the end with “No the war is just beginning!” nor do I like Maggie Q. Go away Maggie Q. Get a real name. I still want to read the source material, which I bet is fantastic.

1 out of 4.

Tron: Legacy

I have been waiting to see both Tron and Tron: Legacy for awhile. When Legacy came out on Blu-Ray, a local target had a sale for both movies on Blu-Ray for $30, but didn’t have the original there. It was sold out. So I said, “Screw you Target!” and didn’t get either. I felt like I was missing a part of life by not seeing the original Tron. I knew all the pop culture references, just not the movie. I was horribly disappointed with Tron though. Think it is popular more so because of its groundbreaking effects of the time, than actual movie quality, and that is the opinion that has stuck in our conscious. The Avatar effect, if you will.

Na'vi fuck you still
“Dude, quit dissing us on your site.”

This is a review of the second though, which could easily be watched without the first, which I guess was part of my problem. Despite being a twenty some year later sequel, you really don’t have to see the first at all to understand the second. So, why make it a sequel? Just because it has a similar world. Not worth it in my eyes. Yes. I also found that the music was good (as reported), and the visuals were fantasticles on Blu-Ray, it is just everything besides those two I found to be lacking.

Why are all the programs either goth, or just audience noises? Where is my fat people programs (the first Tron had that one guy). Maybe they just want to be far away from Tron Guy. It makes me wonder, what if Jeff Bridges didn’t become a big name actor? They really lucked out on having him, cause he was great in it. If they had a lame person in Tron, then they’d get a new person for that roll in this, and you know, not have as real of a feel. I hated the CGI young Flynn too. Olivia Wilde didn’t interest me either. Anyways, the plot was either weak or just confusing. So the movie might be best to just be on the background, especially if on drugs. It was more about effects than entertainment.

1 out of 4.

Cedar Rapids

Sometimes the quality of a disk can really determine how much you enjoy a movie. This would be my case for Cedar Rapids. About 50 minutes into it (out of 86) it was fine, but I might have missed about 5 minutes of material in the last half hour, which is a lot. Lot of skipping, so stuff gets all jumbled. This isn’t really the fault of Ed Helms or John C. Reilly, just my own disk. Onwards!

evil ash
And sally faawwwr…sally farrtas….grr. sallyforth.

Anyways, Cedar Rapids isn’t a stoner comedy, doesn’t use “offensive” jokes to make laughs, or much slapstick, but just goes a more natural route. I liked that. It was definitely a great change of comedy. I heard someone refer to it as a “midwest people” comedy, a stereotype we don’t get to explore at all enough. We pretty much have Fargo, as a northern midwest comedy, and that is about it. So a lot less funny accents here, and a lot more, “break out of your shell, you square!” comedy. The name also comes from the insurance convention in the region, which takes place in Cedar Rapids, Iowa.

I also really didn’t hate any character in the movie, which was good (except you know, the “evil people”). Also, Maebe from Arrested Development as Bree the Prostitute was enjoyable. What?

3 out of 4.

Law Abiding Citizen

Hurray, deciding to rent movies that I have heard zero about. They are the best. Don’t you hate hearing others opinions about movies when all you want to do is watch it yourself? (My bad, by the way, posting all my movie opinions).

Gerard Butler gets to play an intelligent and super pissed off mad man killer, which he rarely gets to do. Normally he is just some bad ass guy, but usually good. The last time he got to play a psychotic and smart killer was Phantom of the Opera, but he also sang a bunch then. He also does that role OH SO WELL.

phantom butler
“Ohh, I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Weinerrrr”

Normally just the muscle, I found it incredibly believable his character could do everything he does in the movie. Sure, even a super smart person would have a hard time completing everything in the film but I guess its tiny possibility makes it interesting to watch. He has 10 years to plan it all, so the resources are there I guess.

Oh yeah, should probably note that at the beginning of the movie his wife is raped, and killed, and his child killed as well, right in front of him. He identifies the perpetrators and they are caught, but thanks to the justice system, one gets out way early. Gerard does not approve! His lawyer, Jamie Foxx, can’t help him either. So he, a normally Law Abiding Citizen, takes it into his own hands to punish both the wrong doers, and everyone in the justice system that screwed him over.

Flynn Rape3
“Are you still using Flynn from Tangled after you mention rape scenes?” Yes. Yes I am.

The ending though, the ending was not what I was expecting (in the bad way). Overall I think the way they made it end left it kind of…eh. Like it was all pointless. Fuck it, this movie you can cheer on the bad guy and you only feel bad morally for a little bit.

3 out of 4.

Due Date

This must be a good idea! Two of the biggest names in Hollywood (there is a fat joke there) in a buddy comedy about travelin’ and happy times to see a woman give birth (gross) by her Due Date. Because, just like in real life, if people have to rush anywhere, they will have hilarious hijinks and missteps along the way that makes their lives completely difficult, but yet when they are finished, they can look back on it and laugh. Just like real life.

Laughing Fuckers
“And then after all that he still wouldn’t give us back my teeth! Hil-ARIOUS!”

I wondered why I didn’t hear much about it when it was finally released. To me, it must be because it did not live up to his potential. I can see that a large inspiration to this movie was probably Planes, Trains, and Automobiles, but instead of just normal allusions or a quick reference, it seemed like some of the bigger plot points were just taken directly from PTA. But instead of done in a more clever way, they were just done in a more gross modern humor way.

One of the biggest moments of conflict between Robert Downey Jr. and Zach Galifianakis is taken straight from PTA, and it makes it just seem lazy. The biggest differences between the two movies is that John Candy‘s annoying character is actually likable, and just misunderstood, and it has a touching ending that makes everyone feel good inside. Zack Galifianakis’ character just is annoying and I hate him throughout the movie. Yes RDJ’s guy is an ass, but I think it is justified. Could be my ass-side talking though. Overall it could have been a lot better.

Oh yeah, the wife is played by Michelle Monaghan. What? She was just in Source Code (my last reviewed movie). She is everywhere, damn!

1 out of 4.


Source Code

This movie was a lot better than expected, but technically I expected nothing. I first didn’t watch it, because the cover made me think of Eagle Eye. (yes, even though I read the words “Source Code“) Eagle Eye!? yuck! Don’t need any Shia LaBeouf in my room!

Shia NOO
Or my website.

Doesn’t help that the main woman, Michelle Monaghan, is the main woman in Eagle Eye too.

Anyways, this is a sci-fi (esque) action movie, where if you can ignore some plot holes in how everything works, it becomes pretty good. What plot holes? It is hard to explain, here and in the movie. More or less, they said that after a “big event” in the realities aroun…no I still can’t explain it. More or less, they have a way to send people back into an event, inside a person whom shares qualities with their sendee back, and can do things before the event occurs. Not stop it of course, because it has already happened. But some cool things, like figure out who did it, figure out what they will be doing next, etc.

Why is this good? Because some dude bombed some trains in Chicago! And is planning on bombing more things! If they can find out who it is, maybe they can stop him!

Unfortunately when dealing with alternative realities, paradoxes tend to happen pretty easily. The ending was beautiful, and cannot be mucked up if they ever try to do a sequel. So that is good. I am tired of also liking 6/7 of a movie and hating the end. This time I liked pretty much all of it.

Also, for those Jake G haters, you can watch him die at least six times in this movie. No, that is not a spoiler. Unfortunately, as I said it was set in Chicago. We can’t all be perfect though.

3 out of 4.

Your Highness

I had already seen this movie in theaters, but never in Blu-Ray or Unrated. So, sorry for anyone hoping for a one time viewing review, you get at two time viewing review. Eat it! I must say also I didn’t really get the reason for the title until many weeks later. Your Highness? Alright. A stoner flick called a greeting to a king. Hey there is smoke on the cover. Oh wait. A stoner flick and…highness….wait for it…

Night at the roxbury
OHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhh. I got it now.

For some reason, I enjoyed it more the second time around. In theaters I was disappointed, thought they just half-assed the whole movie. Technically, yes it actually was half-assed though, as there may not have ever been a script (/if there was a script, they never used it). I am told that most of the movie was filmed as pretty much improvised.

Maybe I was hoping Franco was as ridiculous as McBride in this movie? I just felt like it could have done a lot better. I think this was the first big release from Natalie Portman after Black Swan, so that probably angered some people too. You know, the ones demanding she pick a genre and stick to it. Zooey Deschanel was in this movie too, and super hot. Even when she went all sex demon.

For the unrated version, I couldn’t even tell what scenes were added, except maybe a conversation between Franco/Zooey before the wedding. Maybe all that was really added in was more blood in death scenes. So, the difference between theatrical and unrated is negligible.

2 out of 4.

Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes

Alright, a good thing to realize right off the back when watching this is it is NOT a prequel to the 2001 Burton one. Instead it is yes, another reboot, and a retelling that is more try to the original film series. This confused me a bit, as they threw in references and clues talking about space travel and stuff in this version of Rise, but they didn’t match with the ’01 version, making me go “Whaaaa?”. Saying “Whaaaa?” in theaters is also very distracting.

Anyways. This movie did a good job of making me care about the apes more than humans. Because seriously, the biggest problem with Avatar? Fuck the Na’vi.

Na'vi fck you
Fuck you too, buddy!

More specifically, if you give me a conflict between Humans and not humans, overall, I want the humans to win. Every time. Species over other species. I may not agree with all the actions (as we are supposed to feel uneasy in Starship Troopers) but I don’t want them to lose because of it. So if this movie brought up a big war with the apes and humans, I would be pissed if the apes won.

Thankfully, what it does better than ’01, is make the apes not the bad guy. ’01 made them clearly the bad guys (humans enslaved! War hungry apes!), but in this movie none of the apes are bad/evil, just a few people and that is all. It also does a good job of explaining at the end how the Apes will take over, so if they choose to continue the franchise the eggs are all in place. The only people who were really hurt were the bad humans too, and no all out war, just an escape for the apes to live in peace.

Not really a spoiler, but yeah its Franco‘s fault. He develops a drug to cure Alzheimer’s, but the testing on apes made them wicked smart. He just wanted to cure his dad, is all. Also, how good is John Lithgow in this movie? This plus Dexter season 4 shows this guy has got that acting thing down.

lithgow and monkey love
All in all, this is just a movie about the love between a monkey and John Lithgow.

The plot moves along at a good pace. If I had any complaint it is that the “Ape Escape” in the last half hour may have taken a bit too long.

In terms of randoms, I found his love interest a pointless add in. She didn’t seem to take away or add anything to the film, so that whole buildup was annoying. Also, the company owner in the beginning in the movie, in his first two scenes, removed and put on his glasses a total of five times. My friends didn’t notice it though. Seriously. I wrote them down for my second viewing. At 4:00, 4:10, and 4:35, and then 7:24 and 7:45 minute marks, this happens. Way too much dude.

3 out of 4.

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