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Flow was watched early from a screener. It is being released in Seattle on December 6th, 2024.

Who doesn’t love a good animal adventure? This one is about a cat (none of these animals have an actual name in the movie, but, my own kid referred to the cat as Felix, so now you have to know that as well). This cat likes to chill by itself, and eat fish that some dogs have fished up, quite rudely. The area has no humans at all, but there is a house of a woodcarver, who really loved cats. Maybe it was this one? So there are several cat statues around, some quite large.

And…then a flood happens! A large flood, with the water keep growing, and growing, and growing.

Well, the cat doesn’t like water, and is a bad swimmer, but thankfully…a small sailboat appears nearby and saves it! And it has a Capybara in it? What the hell is a capybara doing steering a boat? Will it eat the cat? Better to be in the boat, than in the water. Soon, other animals join the boat, a whole misfit crew situation, as they try to navigate this flooded world, with food scarcity, not much land, and shiny baubles.

There is not enough pro-Capybara media out there. There is not enough anti-Capybara media out there, either. Where is all of the Capybara media??

Flow feels like a cutscene of a PlayStation 2 video game, and a short turned feature length film, all in the best ways. It is Cel-shaded, but also, something else? It reminded me about the short Paper-man, sort of. A highly stylized art style that was unique, and maybe still a little old and retro, while clearly being better than the technology 25 years ago.

What the animation did was allow the film to be looked at with curiosity and pleasure. The other aspect that should be highly touted (And again, reminiscent of an animated short), was that it had no dialogue. These weren’t talking cartoon animals, they are just regular cartoon animals, trying to live their animal lives in a world that seemingly was abandoned by humans. I love me a no dialogue film, if it works for the plot and story, which this one absolutely does. The story we can tell through their interactions. The story of what happened to the humans can only be guessed and theorized, which is itself fun. And the story of how these animals learn to co-exist and try to survive in their new environment is one worth seeing.

I think Flow is an animated film that takes risks, and in a year where there are some big budget releases that realize they can put out lesser products, and still make bags full of money, it is great when these smaller films show that the genre (animated) is one still worthy of your time.

3 out of 4.

Greedy People was sent to me early as a screener.

Money money money, makes the world go round, and can make people act very differently. Will (Himesh Patel) is on his first day on the job in a new area. He just moved here recently with his wife (Lily James) who is pregnant. Oh, and this job is of course being a cop. Oh man.

His partner, Terry (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) is an old hat at this job and really tells him on what he needs to know about the area. Truth is, its a very low crime city, so they aren’t going to have to do much at all. And make sure he doesn’t kill anyone! Well. Unfortunately due to events, and Terry not being that great of a person, Will accidentally kills someone! And while deciding what to do about it with Terry, they also…find a shit ton of cash!

Time to cover this up and make it look like a break in. The two agree to hide the cash in a storage unit, until things die down, and then start living life a little bit better. But of course, that is NOT what is going to happen. You see, the victim’s husband (Tim Blake Nelson) was actually already planning on ordering a hit on her that same day, so things just start to escalate from there, as more and more people get involved. That’s right. We are going to get a body count, because damn it, piles of money are just so exciting.

Also starring Jim Gaffigan, Joey Lauren Adams, José María Yazpik, Nina Arianda, Simon Rex, Traci Lords, and Uzo Aduba.

Just think of how much cash you could fit in JG-L’s mouth right there. Honestly, as a movie watcher and movie writer, and dare I say, movie critic, I get asked a lot about my favorite movies and least favorite movies. I also get asked about my favorite genre of movie. I think I finally have an answer for that, as I have hemmed and hawed in the past of various umbrella terms. I think I finally have a very specific answer. “Dark Comedies where things spiral out of control for regular people and a lot of people die.” Yeah, that might be my favorite drama.

From things like Fargo or Heathers or more recent bizarre ones like Arizona and The Death of Stalin. I almost always have a great and silly time. So, that is all to say, the same was true for Greedy People. A lot of people involved, mostly normal individuals, living their life, finding themselves a victim or a perpetuator of violence for one reason or another.

Patel is the lead of this film, but he ends up playing a mostly straight guy role throughout the proceedings. The remaining cast of characters is what really drives this movie forward. James, a pregnant and worried wife, amazing. Gorgon-Levitt, who has to play a lot of timid characters, was really let off of his leashes for this role. His character starts off as a normal shitty cop, sleazy, but becomes a scary force later on, with a just strong growling voice at times. Nelson, getting up in age, still can kick it like a Coen Bros film and give us a weird side character with special motives. Heck, Gaffigan played a literal hitman. I won’t say it is a role that is definitely suitable for him, but I will say it was notably different role for him, so its good to see him branch out and try something.

If you want main characters dying. This is the movie for you. If you like spiraling in a slightly comedic and deadly way. This is the movie for you. I had a lot of fun with this.

4 out of 4.

The Idea of You was watched early as a screener! It is releasing on Friday, May 2nd on Prime Video.

Solène (Anne Hathaway) is your regular 40something lady. You know, owning her own art gallery, to sell artwork, and divorced. Her husband (Reid Scott) cheated on her and was very wealthy. He cared about his career, not his family, and younger women. Really sucks.

But Solène still has a good relationship with her daughter Izzy (Ella Rubin). And on a chance encounter at Coachella (that the ex bailed on), she meets Hayes (Nicholas Galitzine), one of the singers in a boy band called August Moon.

Solène doesn’t know anything about the band, except that Izzy used to be a bigger fan (and was a fan of a different member). Hayes likes that Solène doesn’t fangirl over her and is just a strong, and yes, much older woman. And eventually, they start to see each other, travel, date, and live the life of celebrities in secrets.

But Solène doesn’t really believe what is happening to her. And can’t really trust a younger celebrity either. Plus, once the media gets news of the story, Solène is not ready to really experience fame in this way.

Also featuring Annie Mumolo, Perry Mattfeld, Jordan Aaron Hall, and Mathilda Gianopoulos.

Maybe they won’t be recognized in their sunglasses.

Romcoms, some people love them, some people hate them, some people think they are okay. That is probably everyone in those three groups.

I like the idea of romantic comedies, but I rarely like the execution of them. Something will anger me, piss me off, and I will throw it all away. Much like Hathaway’s character in this film. Look, movies need conflict and all of that sure, but it is amazing how much I hated her character at times. Her refusal to be slightly selfish and accept any amount of happiness. I hated her ex husband too, but that was the point.

Because honestly? There is a lot of cute in this movie. I have already seen Galitzine as a singing prince, so seeing him in a boy band was fine. I liked the two leads together, and the silliness of how they met, how they dated, and everything they did together. I think the chemistry is there, and the problems are abundant. I just didn’t like the off period. The first one? It made sense. Anne’s character was tripping and not committing. I agree.

The second time? Sort of ruined the ending for me too. I didn’t love the ending. And the endings are important in RomComs! (They are important in all films – Editor) And they are what make you leave the theater, or in this case, your computer with Amazon Prime on it, all giggly and happy. It just wasn’t my favorite ending, and left me more disappointed. Disappointed given how much I was interested in this weird quirky story.

I like the idea of pop stars dating regular nobodies. We should normalize that, and normalize terrorizing the paparazzi.

2 out of 4.

Pure O was watched early from a screener. It is being released on April 12th, 2024. You can see an interview I had with Dillon Tucker, the director, here.

Cooper (Daniel Dorr) is straight up not having a good time right now. He thinks about death, too much. He thinks about killing, too much. He is in a huge depressive funk and can’t seem to snap out of it, even when recently engaged to his long term girlfriend, Emily (Hope Lauren). But when talking to his therapist (Candice Renee) about his issues, she lets him know he has OCD.

But how can this be? He doesn’t have nervous tics, he doesn’t repeat steps, he has heard of OCD before, and that isn’t him, it is just depression. A big part of it is experiencing distressing intrusive thoughts, without the compulsions. It can be categorized into specific categories of types of intrusive thoughts, but it all comes back to OCD, and is known as Pure O in the community.

Cooper, a musician, and a rehab counselor himself, really doesn’t think it is possible, but after his googling and research, he agrees to try to work on this aspect, to see if he can fix himself, to fix his relationships, and hopefully live a life free from the harms inside his brain. He knows addictions, he knows the right things to say to others, but following that advice can prove to be difficult.

Also starring Landry Bender, Jeffery A. Baker, Clint James, Hamish Patterson, and Isaac Nippert.

I bet when he stares this way at women, they also receive a Pure O.One of those things that really bugs me is when people say they are OCD about a task, completely belittling the experiences of those who have actual forms of OCD. Does that affect this movie? Absolutely not. But bringing up how fucked up that is in any circumstance is appropriate, so that maybe someone can learn to not do that. And if it is going to happen in a movie review, why not one that deals with OCD.

Now the director, Dillon Tucker, who is also the writer, made this movie purely because it was personal to him, and telling a story about his own life, and being diagnosed with OCD. It is his story, he just doesn’t also star in it (although he did cameo as a random person also in the therapy groups).  And you can tell it was made by someone who really knew the story, because of all of the unexpected things added to the story. In an “OCD” story where someone is writing about it from a lack of personal experiences, it is the only part of the story. The rest of it doesn’t matter. But in this movie, it is the main framing of the story, but the main character still has to live his life. He happens to also be a counselor, and is still working with individuals dealing with addiction. He still has to plan a wedding and learn how to better himself for his fiancé.

And honestly, Pure O, with ITS honesty, just hits all the right notes for a powerful drama. It tells a still unexpected story, that is meant to really help others through their own worries and providing some therapeutic moments on the screen for them to see. But also when it comes to ones disabilities, the more people are aware how it can affect their life, and be a constant grating pressure at all moments, might just help people stop being such assholes to each other.

This film has several intense moments. Notably a knife scene, and another character having a meltdown, but they are played so serious and so well done that it is emotionally touching for the viewer.

Off the top of my head, I know I have seen films about OCD before, but I can’t think of them right now. Because Pure O is the right one to see.

3 out of 4.

Sting was watched early from a screener. It is being released on April 12th, 2024.

I HATE SPIDERS. Let’s get that out of the way.

Sting, is of course, not about a bee, but about a spider. And it is about a little apartment complex.

You see, Ethan (Ryan Corr) lives with his family in an okay apartment. Ethan makes comics and is also the building superintendent. He is a fixit man. His step daughter, Charlotte (Alyla Browne) doesn’t like him as much as her dad, who she hasn’t seen in forever. Even though he has made great attempts to be closer to her. Because they are so familiar with the complex, Charlotte likes to go in through the very large air ducts around the building, to see and discover.

And that is where she finds a little tiny egg that crashed in through the window, that she knows nothing about. What a cool egg. Time to keep it and put it in a jar. Oh, and in the jar it hatches into a spider? Cute. A really smart spider at that. One that seems to be very strong and capable. One that seems to grow very very fast, but enjoys Charlotte’s company.

Anyways, long story short, that thing gets super big and starts to take out the members of this apartment complex and get even bigger. It’s like Audrey II! And now that it has turned itself on her family and Charlotte herself, so Charlotte is going to have to kill her new friend Sting. Or you know, die.

Also starring Jermaine Fowler, Noni Hazlehurst, Penelope Mitchell, Robyn Nevin, and Silvia Colloca.

Whenever I see a spider on my ceiling, I leave the city. I HATE SPIDERS! Okay, figured I would remind you of that. I am surprised that spider films aren’t much more common. I feel like random other killer bugs get a lot of horror films, but spiders, barely? We had famously things like Arachnophobia and Eight Legged Freaks. Not really any I could think of that were mainstream. There is another independent film out from France, called Infested, that I haven’t had a chance to see yet.

So why does Sting work? Well, first of all, we get a nice alien spider thing, not just a normal spider, so there is a reason for it all happening. We get a very limited space for it to run around in, and apparently the world’s biggest air ducts (perfect for any movie of course). Which is also perfect for a giant spider to lay traps. And a slight family story to keep the plot more than just a survival flick.

My biggest complaint from the film is just the introduction, which featured a scene that happened LATE in the narrative of the film overall, providing a different point of view of later events. But it made it a little confusing since no other aspect it told out of order, so I was led to believe that we already had a giant spider running around. It was the type of scene that felt like its own strange short film, could have stood on its own as a 5-6 minute easily. But it was just unnecessarily placed at the start, maybe to catch our interest? Like the first 5 seconds of shitty trailers on YouTube.

I really enjoyed Corr as the step-dad. He had good beard energy that all dads and stepdads need. Also Browne, our real main character kid actress, was a certifiable badass. Imagine being a kid wanting a spider to crawl around your hands. Couldn’t be me.

Overall, Sting had a lot of fresh new energy to the Spider-horror genre, which as noted, is already severely lacking. It reminds me of The Purge. It is like a home invasion story, but different. There is a spider.

3 out of 4.

HONORABLE MENTIONS:

This is a really hard year to make this list. Like, I think this is my most ever 4 out of 4s in a long, long time. I was also delayed because one movie I knew I would love, I couldn’t watch until very early March, and I was willing to wait for it. But regardless, a lot did not make the list, let’s highlight them now!

This list includes:

Sisu, Next Sohee, Guy Ritchie’s The Covenant, Superposition, My Animal, One Day All This Will Be Yours, Pianoforte, Asteroid City, Corner Office, The Wonderful World of Henry Sugar, Peter and the Wolf, Io Capitano, To Kill A Tiger, All of Us Strangers, Subtraction, Tetris, Society of the Snow, Concrete Utopia, Upon Entry, The Holdovers, Stamped from the Beginning, Black Ice, Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret, and Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning Part One.

Whew.

15) And the King Said, What a Fantastic Machine

Why is it on the list? I love giving shoutouts to lesser known movies that just are amazing and for whatever reason, don’t get noticed, or take forever to get released. Is this movie out yet? I don’t know! But I saw it at SIFF, and it was such a creative and fun documentary about the camera, its impact on the world, and its use for destruction. The trailer itself is such a great trailer, and I hope more people get to see it in the future.

Best moment? Hearing the story for why this movie is titled as it is!

Any Best Awards? Best Documentary of 2023!

14) Anatomy of a Fall

Why is it on the list? Apparently this film wasn’t picked for France’s Best International Film choice, due to some politics and they went The Taste of Things instead. But it was such a wild decision, because it is clear to everyone that Anatomy of a Fall was amazing. It won several Foreign Film awards, above The Zone of Interest, because of its compelling characters and story, but at the Oscars it didn’t have the chance, and was still nominated for Best Picture. Anyways, Sandra Hüller, was in both of those movies anyways, and her character here was just a mysterious force. Did she killer her husband? I don’t know! Maybe!

Best moment? The recordings!

Any Best Awards? Best French film of 2023!

13) I Like Movies

Why is it on the list? Well, I like movies, so it just makes sense. The lead, Isaiah Lehtinen, was captivating as just a not great person, having meltdowns, and yet, having dreams. As someone who has been around movies for so long, I have met people like his character before. I have been his character before. It was entirely relatable, and fit a very specific niche that it was nice to rediscover. And also its called damn I Like Movies, what is not to love??

Best moment? I laughed really hard when the movie Happiness was brought up.

Any Best Awards? Best Canadian Dream film of 2023!

12) Godzilla Minus One

Why is it on the list? I am not a Godzilla fan of any strong regard. I have seen I think, four or five Godzilla movies at this point. I really enjoyed the one with Bryan Cranston, but I have never had a desire to go back and watch the old ones. I don’t think I’d appreciate them. Like most people, I didn’t know that this movie was coming out when it did, but the positive word of mouth blew me away and I went hard to find a theater to see it. It blew me away! To take such a personal story, of survivor’s guilt, post World War II, veterans who wanted to still prove themselves as not failures, and attach it to a Godzilla film? Amazing. And Godzilla was downright terrifying when he came after those boats and planes early on. I love how personal the whole thing felt.

Best moment? Appreciating another countries patriotism.

Any Best Awards? Best Kaiju of 2023.

11) The Caine Mutiny Court-Martial

Why is it on the list? William Friedkin is an amazing director, bringing us hits like The French Connection and The Exorcist. And he died last year. A shame! But it happens. And his last directed movie was The Caine Mutiny Court-Martial, which was mostly ignored overall and went straight to streaming, so damn it, I am not ignoring it myself. I haven’t seen anything about The Caine Mutiny series of films ever in the past. This is my first, I don’t know if its the same story over and over again. But this one is a very strong court room film, over a Navy incident, with one epilogue scene outside of the court room. And everyone involved just brings it so hard on their acting! Not to mention Lance Reddick, in one of his final roles as well. This is a court room film I can watch again and again, just because of the acting talent at hand.

Best moment? The Epilogue really puts a lot of people, and me, the viewer, in our places.

Any Best Awards? Best courtroom drama of 2023 (sorry Anatomy).

10) Biosphere

Why is it on the list? No, not a sequel to Biodome (if so it would likely be number 1). This film only stars two people: Sterling K. Brown and Mark Duplass. And they are in a sphere to live, eat, and live, alone. Something shitty happened in the world, and life as we know it is gone. But they are both survivors. One, a scientist, one, the president, and childhood best friends. And this is them trying to live, cope, and survive further, knowing that the human race is mostly done for. And hell, it is even their fault. At the same time other things happen that I will not get to.

Best moment? When things advance for all of humanity, I will say.

Any Best Awards? Best small cast of 2023.

9) River

Why is it on the list? This is the second film by this group of people. The last one was Beyond the Infinite Two Minutes, and it made my top five film of that year. This film, explores a similar concept. Where every 2~ minutes, they find themselves back where they were two minutes ago. They remember what they did. Their conversations. But they are looped back to the start. And in this hotel of guests and workers, trying to figure out just how to STOP this time loop, of such a short amount of time, is extremely frustrating to figure out. But at the same time, sometimes you have to stop and smell the roses.

Best moment? Wondering just how they could create a film with similar themes as their last one, but in an exciting and new way.

Any Best Awards? Best time loops of 2023.

8) American Fiction

Why is it on the list? The first 90 seconds of American Fiction should have you hooked. A film where the protagonist has to complain about a world accepting only certain black stories, while giving us a story focused on a family in a world losing their mind it seems. Jeffrey Wright gives such a commanding performance and I love seeing him in more leading roles. I also loved Sterling K. Brown‘s story here, and wanted more out of him (hey he is in this top 15 twice!). This is a film, a satire, and its funny as heck. The arc of the characters, dealing with grief, and just moving on in general, just…ahhh. Fiction is weird like that.

Best moment? The various debates between authors, and the finalist, for the Book Award.

Any Best Awards? Best fictional authors of 2023!

7) Blackberry

Why is it on the list? The realistic camera office environment choices, like it was filming The Office without people staring at the camera, started this movie off on a hectic number, and in many ways, the hectic feels never really ended. It wasn’t as hectic as an Uncut Gems, but it did start us off with nerds with a great idea who couldn’t get finances, and very clearly a crook who had a do whatever it takes attitude. The perfect pairing. Glenn Howerton is of course the stand out of this film, getting to play Jim Balsillie, a famous asshole, and he plays it hard. I am stoked to see finally a movie tackle the weird Balsillie trying to buy an NHL franchise movement of the 2000s. Because this is what I think is the true story now, and no one can take it away from me.

Best moment? “I’m from Waterloo where the Vampires hangout!” will live rent free in my head for years. Also just in general, getting to see that NHL drama in film.

Any Best Awards? Best product placement film of 2023 that didn’t get nominated at the Oscars!

6) Barbie

Why is it on the list? Look, Barbie’s success as a great film was NEVER a surprise. It had Greta fucking Gerwig behind the director’s chair, and after Lady Bird and Little Women, with her own wonderful acting career, we know she is just spitting fire. So yes, I was there weekend one for Barbie’s release, I was with the trailers. And everything is just tip top perfect from this film. The casting, the practical sets, the nice meta storyline, and the wonderful ending.

Best moment? No it’s not the Ken moment I swear. It is the constant references to history, other films, and existential dread.

Any Best Awards? Best satire, best product placement film of 2023 that DID get nominated at the Oscars! And best male power anthem in a film about women power of 2023.

5) Theater Camp

Why is it on the list? Honestly, trying to figure out my top five was hard. At some point in the year, Theater Camp was number 1. And then it wasn’t. And then it was. Same can be said about most of these films! Theater Camp is great because first of all, we don’t get nearly enough Mockumentaries as a genre, and sometimes when we get them, they also can be shit! It is like Christopher Guest is trying to hold up the entirety of the genre on his back, and we need more people to get in line. Thankfully, Theater Camp does just that. A big cast of characters that are fun, a lot of quips, and a zany touching emotional ending that in no way should have worked, but then it does.

Best moment? Joan the Musical finale. I cried.

Any Best Awards? Best fake musical and best mockumentary of 2023!

4) Poor Things

Why is it on the list? Look, the reason this list took forever to make is because I KNEW, I would love Poor Things. Everything screamed this is a movie I would totally want to hang out with and watch many times to really get its weirdness. And there is many a weirdness! The colors, the sets, the costumes, the camera angels. My man, Yorgos, just is a director of pure cinema. He has visions, and he knows how to work. Despite wanting so much for Lily Gladstone to win for Best Actress, I knew Emma Stone absolutely crushed it and deserved this second win. Hell, it should be her third win, but she didn’t win Best Supporting Actress for Birdman, despite my hopes.

Best moment? The progression of abuse stories that Willem Dafoe suffered from his scientist dad.

Any Best Awards? Best absurd film of 2023!

3) The Teacher’s Lounge

Why is it on the list? Movies that make me uncomfortable mean they are doing what they set out to do. Movies that can make me uncomfortable without the use of graphic violence and horror? That is something special. Something to give you that extreme angst and sadness, just from standard, regular events. Or things just spiraling out of control. The Teacher’s Lounge does that, in Germany, with a teacher who is going by the BOOK in terms of empathy, giving students second chances, and just doing everything right, but nothing working as it should. Her colleagues, her principal, her parents, and students, all turning on her. But at the same time, because it isn’t set in America, we know it isn’t going to end with a school shooting, which is also very nice.

Best moment? The on the record newspaper conversation dupe.

Any Best Awards? Best Teacher PTSD, Best Realistic depiction of Teachers, and Best International Film of 2023!

2) Flora and Son

Why is it on the list? NEW JOHN CARNEY ALERT. NEW JOHN CARNEY ALERT. Finally. His fourth movie, an Irish film again, and highlighting new actors I did not know of before. And yes, its another story about regular people discovering music and making a band, shush. When it works, it works. This time we get to see it with a mother son relationship, dealing with divorce, new loves, and going against the legal system that isn’t a fan of repeat offenders. Eve Hewson at the lead is wonderful, and I hope to see this be a breakout moment for her.

Best moment? The together dates through the screen.

Any Best Awards? Best “family” film and musical film of 2023!

1) Oppenheimer

Why is it on the list? Is this a surprise? It is a surprise to me. Now, notably, I did make this list before the Oscars happened. It just took me forever to write. Since the list already is out WAY later than normal anyways, it felt really hard to get pen to the paper, so to speak. But I digress.

I knew Oppenheimer was in my top five. I had it shifting around, but when I sat and stared at my top fifteen for just so long, I knew Oppenheimer just had to be the top. I didn’t think Flora and Son had enough to just really earn it. But Oppenheimer has literally everything in it. Multiple storylines, a shit ton of actors giving great performances. It is a biopic, it tells a compelling story with complex characters. It sounds good, it flies by timewise (in my opinion), it is amazing on the big screen, and still great on the small screen. Cillian Murphy, I am just so proud of him, this thing was a long ways coming for his career, and he finally had such an intense and subtle role at the same time to display his craft. Oppenheimer is a top tier cinema.

Best moment? The boom.

Any Best Awards? Best Biopic, Best Drama, Best Non-Linear Story, and Best Film of 2023!

Thanks for reading! If you disagree with part of this list, let me know. If there is something I missed, let me know.

And as always, I accept hate mail via the post office, email, or tweets.

Road House was watched early from a screener. It is being released on March 22th, 2024.

Who is Dalton (Jake Gyllenhaal) ? Good question. When we are introduced to him, he is about to fight in some sort of ring match for a pot of cash, but the guy he was going to fight saw his face, and ran out of there. Easiest win ever.

And at this event, he meets Frankie (Jessica Williams), who runs a bar in the middle of nowhere Florida, called Road House. Two words. She needs a really good bouncer. They are fine with their place being a little bit of rough housing, but apparently some nasty people are getting there and causing some ruckus. And they want things to get on the up and up again. They need to drive away the ruffians, so they can go and just do their jobs and have fun.

So she offers Dalton, a shit ton of money, to be there for around a month, to train up her people and help out.

But sure enough, DARK FORCES ARE GATHERING – okay, that is too serious. Some people want to destroy the Road House, more or less, and Dalton didn’t know what he signed up for. But they also don’t know about Dalton’s past either.

Also starring Conor McGregor, Beau Knapp, Billy Magnussen, Daniela Melchior, Franklin Romero Jr., Hannah Love Lanier, B.K. Cannon, Joaquim de Almeida, Lukas Gage, Travis Van Winkle,  Chad Guerrero, and Post Malone.

Whenever Jakey stares at me, I feel it all over. 

ROAD HOUSE! The original was an interesting movie overall. It had some stars, some fights, and a very dumb ending, if I do say so myself.

The good news is, this remake also has some stars, some fights, and a very dumb ending.

Now, that is being a little bit harsh. But I just wish there was more Road House in Road House. We got Jake on a boat and in the town. We get a lot of bad guy scenes in other random places. We even get hospitals. And honestly, the 2nd half I feel like I am barely in the Road House. Longer set based action scenes on different boats, and chase scenes, so we can eventually get the bigger fights we want. You know, Gyllenhaal and McGregor.

Are those fights intense? You betcha. But the 2nd half of this film just devolves into standard action movie and I lose so much interest. I don’t care about the crime in the threats. I want the drunk fights at the bar and the bigger story should just be happening there. And like, you know, better plot. Yeah, I would have loved that too.

As a remake, this one should be satisfying to those who like old Road House. It has its own highs and lows and most people will likely find this entertaining enough!

2 out of 4.

Riddle of Fire was watched early from a screener. It is being released on March 22th, 2024.

Double, double toil and trouble, kids are going on an adventure and word that rhymes with trouble.

Hazel (Charlie Stover) and Jodie A’Dale (Skyler Peters) are having a great time with their friend Alice (Phoebe Ferro). Technically, they are being hooligans. They actually broke into a warehouse at night, to steal a package that they knew had a video game console in it! They got chased, but got away, and at home, they were excited to finally play. But…the TV had a lock on it for some reason. Boo!

Unfortunately their mom (Danielle Hoetmer) is sick, and she thinks they can get to play more with the TV if they go and get her some blueberry cake from the baker, it will heal her! But then that fetch quest has another problem, and so on, and so on, and so on.

And sure enough, eventually, they deal with cultists and witches and magic and meet another friend (Lorelei Olivia Mote) to join their merry band of adventurers.

Also starring Lio Tipton, Charles Halford, Weston Razooli, Austin Archer, and Abigail Sakari.

The main point of being a youth, is to also do spy shit like this.

Do I feel like this film has whimsy? Yeah, I do feel whimsed. Does it have enchantment? Certainly.

The vibe with Riddle of Fire is a strong one. I did not know ten years ago I would be writing reviews and talking about the vibe of a movie, but here we are. It has the look, it has the magic, it has a simple aesthetic, that even when it gets out of hand, still feels simple. It feels like its a kids movie, starring kids, that kids themselves not might like, and adults it really will depend!

Even though I can love the aesthetic, and wish I was on the journey with them, it still feels like something is lacking. Likely all dealing with the story. It is simple to follow, which is a good thing, but yet, there is a filler feel to parts of it, which become more of a frustrating element to the viewer, more than the characters. It is a film I am going to watch once, but not again. I might even recommend it to people, if I know they are in for a very specific experience, but it is not just going to hit every mood.

I really love a lot of the ideas here, and the director is showing hella promise. This was one of my most excited films in Fantastic Fest last year, that I didn’t get to see, and it was still worth it overall. Just the once.

2 out of 4.

Ricky Stanicky was watched early as a screener. It comes out on Amazon Prime on Friday, March 8th.

Dean (Zac Efron), JT (Andrew Santino), and Wes (Jermaine Fowler), are best friends, and have been since they were little kids. You know, when they went to burn some dog shit on someone’s porch on Halloween. It was a mistake, and they were almost caught! But thankfully a fake name was written on the clothing, Ricky Stanicky, and the whole thing could be blamed on this other kid, who lived in another town.

Flash forward to many years later, and they’ve been blaming things on Ricky for decades now. It lets them hang out, go on trips, all with the excuse of Ricky, while avoiding their real responsibilities. You know. FAMILY. DATING. FAMILY. JOBS. Yuck.

But eventually their lies have caught up with them. And they need to produce Ricky, or else everything will crumble around them. So of course they hire some guy, Rod (John Cena), who sings covers of songs and turns them all into masturbation jokes, to play Ricky. Nothing will go wrong!

Also starring Anja Savcic, Jane Badler, Lex Scott Davis, and William H. Macy!

The cowboy hat is how you know he likes to party. And the screaming. Ah yes, a comedy based on characters lying. Do you want to know how it ends? Come on, do you?

Well, you already know how it ends. We all already know how it ends. It ends the same way all of these comedy films based on lies end. The people get found out, and admit it, and get a hard lesson. Sometimes that hard lesson is a life set for loneliness, like in Dear Evan Hansen. Sometimes they get everything they wanted despite the lie, because lessons learned. And none of them really feel like they are worth the after school special lesson.

The only thing that could save Ricky Stanicky, would be its humor and being funny throughout. But my goodness, did I not chuckle. It barely was a bleep on my radar. Over the top John Cena, does over the top things, and people have a good time because of it.

Honestly, this friend group had such low chemistry? All three of them. They did not mesh well. And this is not some strange situation where “Efron was good, the rest did not follow,” because no, Efron was also not good. He was probably in his least charismatic role I have ever seen him. I cared not for any of their characters, and that made this movie harder to sit through.

This is a straight to the internet comedy for a reason. And that reason is, because you have already seen it.

 

1 out of 4.

Hundreds of Beavers was watched early as a screener. Its is playing theatrically in Washington at Bainbridge on March 9, 2024. It should be released digitally in April. You can watch my interview with the director (Mike Cheslik) and star (Ryland Brickson Cole Tews) right here as well.

What would you do, if you were living your best life as an apple farmer, making beer, and then your whole farm blows up unexpectedly? Also, suddenly it becomes a deep deep winter and you are all alone, no resources, in the wild. How would you SURVIVE.

Well for Jean Kayak (Ryland Brickson Cole Tews), he found himself in that very specific scenario. Now, don’t worry, he won’t talk to you about his plans out loud. He won’t really talk at all. He will start to get harassed by animals, who tease and torment him, as he tries his darndest to kill them for sustenance.

Eventually, Jean finds a fur trader (Doug Mancheski) who sells gear, weapons, and more for some beaver pelts. So beavers are what must be hunted! Surprisingly, one of the items on the list is the ability to marry his daughter, (Olivia Graves), who seems to be attracted to Jean. Now Jean has a goal besides survival. He is going to kill so many beavers. So many. And then he will be happily married.

Also starring Wes Tank and Luis Rico.

The hundreds of beavers are coming after you, and can hurt you.  

There are not a lot of movies like Hundreds of Beavers. There are not…any movies like Hundreds of Beavers? From the animal outfits, to the extreme black and white setting, to the over the top flowing of zaniness, this film is a unique entity that stands on its own. Harking back to Charlie Chaplin movies, Hundreds of Beavers is not just slap stick, it is Snow Stick, its own unique drama where falling into holes, off of trees, and into snow, is half of the fun. The other half is people in beaver and bunny costumers kicking some guys ass.

I rarely condone a film that solves its problems with violence, but this is a special type of violence. This is Looney Tunes. This is art. This is cinema.

This is a film where there isn’t really dialogue, but grunts and sim sounds. This is a film with a plot that is easy to explain, but a wonder to experience.

I honestly don’t think I will ever see a movie like Hundreds of Beavers again in my lifetime. I find that harrowing and sad. I want to rent out a person in a beaver suit to beat me up. I want to have a cartoonishly large bunny chase me down the streets. Is this awakening something new in me? I sure hope not.

Honestly I have nothing but great things to say about Hundreds of Beavers. I want you to watch it alone or with your friends or while drunk. I think you will have a good time.

4 out of 4.