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Ceremony packs a coming of age movie, with a dysfunctional wedding, and a mustache all in one. But even more importantly is the directer/writer is Max Winkler. Name sound familiar? That is because it is Henry Winkler‘s son, in his first directing role.

I wonder how he’d rate this movie?

Two thumbs up? You rate everything that way.

The movie actually stars Michael Angarano (or that guy from Sky High who I can’t stop seeing everywhere), as a children’s book writer. He is friends with Reece Thompson (Rocket Science/Daydream Nation). They are good friends, but for some reason they haven’t been close for awhile. Mike gets the idea to go on a small retreat to talk about his book, and have Reece join him (because he can drive), but turns out he has other motives.

They end up crashing a wedding, but it turns out Mike knows who is involved. They meet the bride’s brother, Jake M. Johnson (New Girl), and some red head who keeps laughing at them, Rebecca Mader (Lost). But the bride? That is Uma Thurman (you should know who that is without a movie reminder).

So his plan is to ruin the wedding, more or less, and make Uma Thurman love him again. Surely this could not go wrong. Especially since he tries to also to make it seem like a coincidence to his friend, who is also fucked up. And how could he compete with Lee Pace, who is like way better than him at everything?

Well, everything except for mustaches.

The movie does a great job of going from comedy to drama about halfway through it. I thought the chemistry between the two men were great, and they made me laugh a whole bunch. But eventually serious time takes over, and they have to discuss real problems, and real issues. I felt like the shit hit the fan on multiple occasions in the second half. The ending might not be the one you’d expect, but it definitely feels like the right ending.

Reece’s character reminded me a bit of Cameron from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, both in looks and general attitude. Seemed to be in a funk the whole time, until you know, he got out of it.

The two male leads were by far the best performances of this movie, and you can see how they change throughout and it is awesome. Uma Thurman does fine, as the highest billed, but its really not about her at all. So overall, I was pleasantly surprised at how real and awesome this movie felt.

Argh! Another sneaky “biographical” movie! Damn it!

HOW DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING?

Not that I hate biographies or true stories. But still. I find it sneaky. I will admit that I wasn’t sure if they were implying all of this real, in Fair Game, because in the early 2000s I never paid attention to any news. News is for the birds. So are politics. So of course it makes sense for me to watch another political movie as well. But it ended with actual CSPAN clips of the main character, soo…yeah. You got me movie.

You got me.

Naomi Watts plays Valerie Plame. An undercover CIA operative, but the only people who know that in her real life are her husband, Joe Wilson (Sean Penn), and her parents. After a bunch of political stuff, and after Valerie has set up a mission where they will help scientists out of Iraq (you know, so they aren’t forced into building the supposed WMDs), the state of the union in 2003 happens. This causes Joe Wilson to freak out, because of one line that the president says that he believes to be a lie. Why? Because he was a diplomat in Niger, or something, and reported the exact opposite back to the white house. Oh okay.

So he writes an op-ed piece to a newspaper, trying to note the lie, and that causes the press to freak out and look to the white house with answers. The white house retaliates, saying they are right, while also noting that Joe’s wife is a CIA agent. Whoops? Not whoops. This movie says it is on purpose!

So that is what the movie is about mostly. Valerie gets released from the CIA, and shots are being taken from all sides. Through other stories that come out, people assume the couple are traitors and liars, they receive death threats, and general uneasiness, wondering if anyone is going to come and try and actually take her out.

Sean Penn does a good “I am a journalist and want the truth guys!”. Has the look down and everything.

If you just read the plot you might assume I don’t know a lot about what happened. There was a lot of smaller stories at first, and they eventually mattered. Again, political stuff is not my game. But the emotions? Oh the emotions were great. Between Penn and Watts, they both seemed so believable and honest. Also the yelling. They yelled very well. So the movie is kind of about a couple who get owned, and try to not get owned that much.

And even if I cant remember all the details, I still enjoyed it.

Hopefully when you first heard of the title The Ides Of March, you thought of the Ides of March. If not, I demand that you brush up on your Roman history. It is the time when Caesar was killed by the Senate, in the streets of Rome. Considered the ultimate act of betrayal in history, by some.

“Et tu, Ryan?”

The main star of the film is actually Ryan Gosling, not George Clooney. Must be getting too old. Clooney is, however, running for the democratic bid for president. If he can take Ohio, he takes it. If not, well, he still can win with the rest. His opponent is lame compared to him.

Gosling works on the campaign, I think second in charge, despite his young age. Philip Seymour Hoffman is running their ship though. And Paul Giamatti is the campaign manager for the other guy. Both of them are older and have been around the block before.

But when Giamatti calls Gosling to set up a secret meeting, and suggests the possibility of him jumping ship, Gosling says “Fuck that!” but more eloquently. Unfortunately (apparently) in politics, shit like that is bad news. If word gets out that the meeting even took place (possibly by Marisa Tomei, since she is a reporter), he could lose his job and hurt Clooney’s side. Oh, and there is also the other part dealing with Evan Rachel Wood, an intern for their campaign, and daughter of the Democratic National Convention head guy, who might be trying to get it on with Gosling. Politics suck!

I think this is the best real life example of the “:|” face I have ever seen.

Anyways, as expected by the title, there is a lot of backstabbing and treachery in the movie. More than I thought. To me it took awhile to build up, and through most of it, I just thought it was okay. Apparently all politician and politician helpers are cold and corrupt. Ryan should get out of there before it corrupts him too! After a point you really don’t know who is being played, and who can out bluff one another.

But the ending, I really really liked how it ended. The last 20-30 minutes were solid and unexpected. Everyone did a great job. I don’t think its perfect of course. Felt there was a bit of unnecessary stuff in the first half, that didn’t matter as much. But maybe that was the point? To throw you off?

If you like political movies, you will like this. I like political movies, but hate politics. Real people aren’t this clever.

Taylor Lautner! Woo!

Finally what everyone has been hoping for. A movie where Lautner gets to try and carry the movie himself, and not be tied down with two other leads who are attempting to have babies and stuff. The Abduction trailer seemed to pop up in every movie I went to this summer, and every time I saw it I asked myself the same thing. “Why does he sound like he is whining the whole time?”

I think this is him whining at a basketball game too? Have you no shame Lautner?

I just found out that Lautner is only 19. That makes more sense. He looks like some 25 year old guy who would be playing high school roles. Because he is supposed to be 16 I think in the movie. So the whining is probably intentional and he is a fantastic actor for doing that. Also, early in the movie when he is boxing or something with his “dad” and he does a super cool spin kick movie. But you know, not with a stunt double, it is clearly him doing it the whole time. Apparently he was good at martial arts, and as a child voted best in his category, at some point, in some version. So that is how he became a werewolf!

Plot? Oh my bad.

He is on a (high school) sociology project with his neighbor, Lily Collins, about missing people. They find a site about what these kids may look like now, and he finds out that one of them looks like him, and he has a similar shirt from when he was a kid. So they call it up, and oddly enough they track his location. Ruh roh.

Well, some people come to their house and kill his parents! Thankfully they don’t appear to be his real parents? Who would want to be related to Maria Bello anyways. So the CIA gets involved, or at least Alfred Molina does. But he cannot be trusted! Why? Because Sigourney Weaver, his therapist, intercepts him and tells him the truth. His dad was a CIA operative, and has a list of names of corrupt people, which includes that guy above.

Also, Serbian terrorists, lead by Michael Nyqvist, want that list so they can probably protect their spies / find new ones to abuse.

So they decide to try and find that list, to hand over to the CIA members who are not trying to get it to erase their name. But Nyqvist wants the list, meet in a public place (A Pirates baseball game, aka anything but public), and Lautner wants to try to kill him. CIA, CIA dad, lots of running are involved, until the day is over, and no one important got hurt! You know, except for the parents he had for most of his life. Thankfully Weaver will let him live with her. What a nice therapist.

I guess what I am really trying to say with the plot is that this movie has zero to do with Abduction.

If anything, I will give this movie credit for actually ending the story line. They didn’t leave hints of a possible sequel, or leave a plot unturned, or anything. Just made it seem like a one off story, and now he can go back to being a “normal” “kid”. But the acting was blah, and it seemed like they wanted to go for a Bourne like thing, but no where near the same, making it even more blah. I found the story / plot to be mostly boring. Like they tried to make that one moment of his life super crazy, instead of just slightly elevated crazy.

I will give you a do-over Lautner. Make your next movie better, or else.

Courageous is by the same people who brought us Facing the Giants, Flywheel, and Fireproof. Do you know those movies? I don’t. But I do applaud these people on making a movie that didn’t start with F. That is good news. Those movies have something to do with football, used car salesmen, and firemen. This one cops. That is about all I knew.

Oh, and for some reason the quote about how amazing it is is not done by a critic, but Tony Dungy. A former NFL football coach. Err, alright.

Maybe a message about family too?

This movie centers around four cops. The main guy is played by Alex Kendrick. Who also directed this movie. And the other 3 listed. And has only been in four movies overall counting this one. Yes. He is one of those guys. His partner is played by Kevin Downes, who is the only main character to be an actual “Actor”. The other two cops are Ken Bevel (two roles. This and fireproof) and Ben Davies (first role).

So the premise is that a “shocking event occurs” that changes all of their lives, and because they are cops, you expect it to have something to do with that. Nope. Main dudes daughter ends up dying by a drunk driver in the middle of the day (seriously, at like 2pm). Eventually Alex wants to change his life, thinking he didn’t get to do enough with his daughter and not wanting to feel the same with his son. So he makes a pledge up for everyone to sign, if they choose, that is pretty long, about being the head of their house, raising their kids right, etc.

Robert Amaya also is friends with them, since he accidentally got a job from Alex (thanks to having a common name and the guy he meant to hire being injured, whoops). But more or less that is about it. One of them eventually turns out to be stealing drugs from evidence, which goes against “Everything” they pledged to do. And then there is a kind of gang story line. That takes quite a long time to get anywhere.

Oh yeah. There is the other parts of this movie that are super about Christianity. Possibly the main focus of all of these films, and I had no idea.

No, that did not give it away either.

As I already mentioned, of the five main guys, only one of them has actually been in other movies and seems to make a life acting, and it shows. Not that they had to do much in terms of strenuous acting. Pretty much go from “Be calm! Be Sad! Be Angry! Be Calm!” or something like that. Movie was wayyyy too long for what actually happened. I think having 5 main people was too much. THey just wanted to show many examples of them being “Courageous” in their fatherly duties. Like getting back with an ex wife, not lying on the job, and marrying your daughter.

What? Ken Bevel’s character plot got super weird to me in this dinner scene, and no part of it seemed believable. The best storyline belonged to Robert Amaya’s character. Mostly because he had an interesting scene as the “Snake Gang leader” and you really felt proud of him as a person.

Oh yeah, and from the ending speech, it really seems to kind of throw some anti-gay marriage stuff in there. What’s this? Tony Dungy (that poster quote guy) is the spokesman for All-Pro Dad? Which is founded by Family First, a group known for being against gay marriage? Just making sure.

Apparently Toast is actually a biography movie for Nigel Slater, which is some British food dude. I don’t think I have heard of him, but thats because I am not a food dude?

Maybe someone here knows who this man is?!

So mysterious.

So, this goes over Nigel’s early life. When he is a kid and played by Oscar Kennedy, and he loves the idea of food. Like cheeses. Crazy right? But his mom can’t cook! She can really only cook Toast good, and apparently you will always remember who gave you your first piece of amazing toast. This could be a British thing. But she ends up dying because of something. So him and his dad are sad (Ken Stott). They also a richer family, or upper class. But still, cooking sucks.

The dad ends up hiring Helena Bonham Carter, a married woman to clean their house for them. She does it pretty sensually too. Partially because she is not his mom, and partially because she is lower class (or at least that is what it looks like as a pouty kid). Eventually she leaves her husband and moves with them to a new house, far from the city. Oh, and bonus fact, she can cook damn well.

FLASH FORWARD. And by that I mean, this movie is 90~ minutes long, and after about 60 minutes, the kid is now 16 or 17. Now he is Freddie Highmore. In the credits, he is Nigel. While Oscar Kennedy is “Young Nigel”. Despite the fact that he is in 2/3 of the film. I think that is dumb.

Anyways. He still loves food. He even takes home ec instead of shop. WHAT. A GIRL. He then tries to become a great cook. Why? So his dad will see no reason to keep his new wife. Yes. His hatred for her, because of her being a lesser class and not his actual mom drives his whole life. He thinks if he can out cook her, she will leave. Yes. Great strategy.

I just wanna put my face in all of that cream.

At this point I feel like I can spoil what happens? Because it is a dudes life and stuff. Eventually the dad dies, so it is just Freddie and Helena. And then he leaves home. He goes on to start his life. He leaves Helena alone in their house, despite her begging to stay. He gets a job. I think the moral of the story is that despite his extreme prejudices towards that woman, he wouldn’t be who he was today with out her?

If you watch this movie, you will hate the main character. He is never appealing. He is a jerkface.

The story is interesting. And the acting is decent. But this movie just takes so long to get to the “important plot points” in the last half hour. I think if it would have been brought up earlier, it would have been a lot more interesting. I spent the first 2/3 wondering what the point was. Then of course by the end realized it was a real dudes story. Guess that is why it wasn’t too exciting?

This movie, Bucky Larson: Born To Be A Star, was a bad idea, and I am pretty sure everyone in America knows that. Even the actors. They got into a meeting and said “Lets make a bag of shit. And then drop a book on it so it splatters funnily. We will call this art, a Jackson Pollock.”

Or at least I hope so. Even this ad campaign that I just found out about was made, and it is horrible. There are a bunch of these videos, and they ran for a few days before it came out in theaters. But apparently they were pulled for being too damn sucky, a whole week before the movie came out.

Nick Swardson plays the title character and is from Idaho or something. He is an adult, living with his parents, and doesn’t even know what masturbation is until his friends teach him. But when they teach him and use a random old porno, they discover that it is Bucky’s parents as the lead couple. What?! (Bucky finds this news great. His parents were stars!).

So he decides to go to Hollywood and become a star, just like them. He meets Christina Ricci at a random diner, and she hooks him up with one of her friends who needs by roommate. The crazy roommate played by Kevin Nealon.

Eventually he finds a gig with a producer (Don Johnson) who used to know his parents, hoping there is a nostalgia audience out there for a quick buck. Turns out people love the movies he is in (because yes, he has a very small dick and it makes the women feel better about their men, and the men feel better about themselves). Can his new stardom take him out of Dick Shadow’s shadow (Stephen Dorff)?

Above: An Idea Thought To Be Good

This is probably the lowest IMDB rated movie I have reviewed thus far. Way lower than the Twilights and other “bad movies”. People hated it. Understandably so, because this movie is horrible.

But what are the positives? Kevin Nealon was hilarious. He was in maybe 5 scenes, where he was just bad/controlling/weird roommate to Bucky, like in the clip from above about grapes. And they were fantastic. Also Christina Ricci was super wasted in this movie. Bad news for her career. This movie is bad enough, but with Pan-Am getting cancelled, she has nothing now, which is a sad day for America.

But yeah. Dicks and tits are in this movie, as expected. And a lot of it is pretty gross.

When I saw the cover of Serious Moonlight I thought it looked like a dumb Romantic Comedy. I mean, it really had nothing going for it. I clearly didn’t look too closely, or else I would have noticed something very amiss.

Regardless, the reason I originally picked this movie to watch is because I liked the secondary actors more than the main ones. Dont worry, if they werent in the movie, I would have probably still watched this movie, but more likely months from now instead of right now. I get to have some control over what I watch!

You readers are smart. You can probably figure out the amiss part. I totally missed it.

Timothy Hutton is the main guy and he in his house, with tons of flowers and leading a path of rose petals to the bedroom. His wife, Meg Ryan, will be there tomorrow from a business trip, and he wants to surprise her. With a note. Telling her that he is leaving her, to go to Paris, and to feed his fish. Damn. But in the middle of the note, she returns home early, and he is like…shit.

She quickly becomes sad at the news, and demands that he stay put so they can talk about this and work it out, but he refuses. He doesn’t care. So she gets mad and throws one of the vases at him knocking him out. Whoops. He then wakes up and he is duct tapped, very solidly, to a chair, with Meg Ryan vowing to win him back and will convince him to stay home.

Holy shit Meg Ryan is crazy in this movie. But you already figured that out. Turns out he was seeing someone else, a much younger woman, Kristen Bell. (Good choice, sir). Well. Eventually more shenanigans happen, and he is transferred to being duct taped to the toilet (this way he can pee. Problem solved). But when Justin Long eventually comes to the house to mow the lawn, seeing the vulnerable position they are in, he decides he is going to rob the place. Knocks out Meg Ryan, and ties her up too, while making the house his own.

Oh man!

Really, the toilet thing is just a smart idea.

So, the best people in the movie ended up being the main two stars. I knew Kristen Bell and Justin Long’s roles wouldn’t be as big, but man, Meg and Timothy really took the cake. They felt so believable as a couple that was on its last ropes, their conversations with each other felt so real.

The movie has problems though. I figured I knew how it would end about halfway through, taking away some suspense. And if they get back together, I can’t help but think it won’t last long. After all, the guy really hated their marriage, and it seemed like unfixable problems at that point, so I feel like they will just pop back up again later, making him miserable. Or at least more sneaky if he decides to leave again.

Another Irish movie! But this time I didn’t know it was Irish. I mean. I could have guessed it from the title. A Shine of Rainbows? Rainbows make you two things, gold pots/leprechauns, or gay people. Image association at its finest. But I didn’t even think of the title, just wanted to try something different.

Because I care, damn it.

I mean, those kids brutally beat up and trap poor Lucky and steal his damn cereal. What is that shit? How can he live in a world like that? Hey. Lucky. It might not get better.

The movie is about a poor orphan boy played by John Bell. He is picked on by the other orphans, because he is smaller, even more of a ginger, has a kind of stutter, and you know. Isn’t manly yet. But that doesn’t stop that crazy lady, played by Connie Nielsen. After a lot of research she picks him to adopt, and quickly whisks him on a boat to Ireland. Hooray Ireland. Now he is a small town boy from the big city. Well, a familyless big city.

Things are bound to get better right? Yes.

Because his mom is awesome. She wears pretty clothes, wants to show him the whole world, and help him have the best life he could possibly have. But the dad, played by Aidan Quinn. He is disappointed, thinking she brought home the runt of the litter. He also has a bit of problem connecting with him, since he is just a kid and not his own son.

This is potentially a spoiler? But it also happens like halfway through the story, so I deem it necessary.

The mom ends up dying about halfway through the story, leaving the boy an obvious wreck. What am I talking about. The dad was more of a wreck, he knew her a lot longer, the boy only a few months, if that. But he is in a strange place, with a man who he thinks hates him. The dad is left with a “son” who would never have been his first pick, and seen more as a thing his wife wanted to help out with.

Can they become a family? CAN THEY?

There is also a few scenes with a sick Otter, which is not pictured, because I suck.

I thought the movie was both pretty sad and pretty wonderful. It has such a good message throughout it, and is very well acted. The kid is going to be in Battleship and that Hobbit thing, so apparently other people like him too. Definitely was a great “Random pick up”.

When I saw the movie Beastly, I figured it was about what everything figured it’d be about. Some retelling of Beauty and the Beast, somehow. Probably modernized. Well. This is true. A modern live action retelling of that movie.

Hmm. I am fine with this as a concept. But depends on whether or not they execute it at all.

Also depends o- OH GOD WHAT IS WRONG WITH HER?

Alex Pettyfer plays pretty bow awesome dude. His dad (Peter Krause) is a wealthy music executive or something who has always taught him that good looking people get farther in life, and he has made that his motto.

But then something crazy happens. He makes fun of Mary-Kate Olsen too many times and she casts a spell on him! (Let that be a lesson for all you Olsen haters). She turns him into a freak, more or less. Tattoos, bald, piercings, and these weird scars that don’t make any sense. All over his body.

In order to save himself, he must find true love in a year (and have someone say they love him) or else he will stay like that forever. It freaks out his dad, who lets him stay in a house outside of the city, telling him he will go there too, but never making that trek. (Ashamed of his ugly).

He has to live alone with his housekeeper, Lisa Gay Hamilton, who hasn’t seen her children in decades, and eventually Neil Patrick Harris, a blind tutor.

Eventually he actively tries to find love, with Vanessa Hudgens who (through a series of moves) has to stay at his seemingly empty mansion. Can he make her love him in time? (Oh yeah, and if he does, NPH gets his sight back and his housekeeper will be able to find her children).

Seriously. Do the scars make any sense? The bloodyness look of them always?

Anyways, I liked the overall plot of the movie, but two certain things bugged me.

One, the love between the two leads. Nothing about it seemed real at all. It all seemed fake and forced. At the end one is left wondering how the hell she came to love him. What, they read some poetry? It was pretty bad acting and distracted me from everything else.

Second, the “lesson”. I am not sure what he learned, after it all. I know this is also a problem with beauty and the beast…but what was it? That ugly people find love? Based off of how the movie was set up, it would make more sense for him to find true love in a less attractive person, the people he made fun of. Yet somehow, he was an asshole all his life (okay raised that way), and he is rewarded with an attractive on the outside woman too?

This is probably just a Hollywood problem, because they love doing “ugly/mediocre guy” with hot woman, and never the other way around. There was no “Gaston” character in the movie either. Aka, someone who was like Beast before transformation, who gets killed, without getting the chance to have his own year to reconsider his lifestyle.

I don’t know, the bad lead acting and the message just bug me a lot in the movie. If they at least made their love seem like it was real, and not this BS love that happened, I would have enjoyed it. But the latter problem would never have been fixable.