Author: Admin

Sometimes you just have to watch all of the titles that begin with Love. Turns out there is a lot of these bad boys, and I don’t mean overall, just the last few years. Because if you don’t believe in love, you can’t be bohemian. Some say it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. This movie says fuck that. Losing a love, sucks. It hurts. Love Hurts.

And…and twins!

This movie is about that weird moment in a marriage when the kids have all moved on and again, it is just you and your spouse. Apparently a lot of relationships only stay together for the kids and end once they are gone and they are both left to only spending time with each other. Some thrive at the freedom, and some get complacent.

Richard E. Grant plays the husband and apparently is pretty boring. His wife, Carrie-Anne Moss (yes, that girl from The Matrix), leaves him to live her life, unable to stand that house any more. Well that sucks. That makes him all depressed.

Now that his son, Johnny Pacar, is off at college, he has no one and is in a big rut. If you thought he was boring before, just you wait! But his son feels bad and tries to get him back on the market and into the social world. Not only does he take a liking to it, but he starts to kick its ass.

He finds FOUR women to fill his void and time with. Jenna Elfman, his nurse, who likes to dance. Janeane Garofalo, his personal trainer, who likes to…be Jewish I guess. And also two twins, who sing karaoke. TWINS GUYS. That stuff is so hard to do. Mostly because in real life it is gross, because twins = related. But still.

But then a funny thing happens. His son, in college, life ahead of him, falls in love. Shit. Doesn’t he know? Dating around is the way to go, not one girl. That shit is for boring people! Or will his attempts to help his son win the girl of his dreams let him realize who he really loves after all? (Yes)

“Oh! I get it! That is his wife!” – Gorgon Reviews reader.

Somehow, in all of the crap I have picked up this week, this movie has been the best. I was getting jaded, in that I had previously watched three movies that all lacked any reason for me to like them, but this one was thankfully different. I have never heard of the main guy before, but his character and his mid life crises was actually pretty fun to watch. The beginning wasn’t very good, but once he started getting into the social scene, and living life, and realizing how much he missed his wife, it was much better.

If you can only have 2/3 of your movie be good, having it be the last 2/3 doesn’t hurt (but I think the first and last third are the best. Get em hooked, make em want to leave, then punch them in the face with awesome. That is what I always say). We can all agree that it is at least better than only the first 2/3 being good.

Footloose is the (hopefully) obvious remake of the classic from the 80s. It was the movie that arguably put Kevin Bacon on the map as a future movie threat. Could this remake do the same thing for Kenny Wormald, whose previous roles included “Dancer” on You Got Served and “Dancer” on Clerks II?

You better be looking at the guy in the pink.

Kenny plays the lead, not Zac Efron as originally planned (because he didn’t want to be typecasted? Too late).

Movie starts out with people drinking and partying. They are even dancing to the Footloose song. Bitches love that song. Then they get into a car wreck, accident, and the car literally explodes. It is so ridiculous looking. Because of this, the town council, lead by pastor Dennis Quaid, initiate a curfew for the people under 18 in the town. Not only that, but they ban drugs and alcohol (dumb, because that would already be illegal), but dancing. Logic is in there somewhere, try and find it. His wife is played by Andie MacDowell.

Three years later, Kenny comes to live with his Uncle who works a repair shop, all the way from Bawston. He fixes up an old beetle, drives around listening to rock, and yes, gets a ticket. Loud music is bad here. All the adults think he is a bad addition to their community. He almost gets in a fight with a redneck right away, but the guy instead ends up his loyal friend, played by Miles Teller. He can’t dance.

He also meets Ariel (Julianna Hough) the daughter of the preacher man, and her kind of boyfriend, Chuck (Patrick John Flueger). Can he get through his senior year without getting arrested? Can he lift the dancing ban? Can he get it on with the preacher’s daughter? If you’ve seen Footloose, you already know.

…Hot damn.

But for real. The plot is pretty damn similar to the original footloose. All the characters even have the same name. The reasoning for the ban is the same, as are the relationships. What is different?

Well uhh. I think this one had more hidden dance scenes than the first footloose, cant remember. In the original, he moves out here with his mother, and his “bad ways” hurt his uncles business. In the new one, he moves out here because his mom died of cancer, and his uncle is always on his side (and no talk of hurt business).

He is still a gymnast in this movie, but the town has no gymnast team. He still does the “angry dance”, and the prom is still held in the same place. Little bit different stuff with the pastor again.

Kenny is not as charismatic as Kevin Bacon though. He does an okay job, but hard to live up to that role. I was really impressed with Miles Teller, playing the “can’t dance redneck friend who eventually can dance”. And dance could he. Took me awhile to ealize that yes, I had seen him in a movie before. He was the “kid” in Rabbit Hole, my first 4/4 movie on the site.

But overall I feel like this is a pretty enjoyable movie. I was surprised to find it as a PG-13, but when I noticed the language and sexuality, it made sense. The dancing was great, song choices okay. Nothing I hated. The “line dancing country bar dance” was one of my favorite, and of course everyone flipping their shit at the end of the movie.

Every Day I’m movie watching.

M-m-m-movie watchin’, movie watchin’.

Every Day is the boringly titled movie about a relationship, that sucks, and has problems, yet the problems aren’t too…interesting.

Liev Schreiber plays the dad. He works for a company, as a writer/editor. His boss is Eddie Izzard, who used to be a full time bachelor but is just now settling down, and constantly freaking out about it. He also works with Carla Gugino, who may be trying to seduce him. And by may be, I mean definitely is.

His wife is played by Helen Hunt, who also has to bring in her father to their household. He has…something wrong with him, making him all loopy, and in a wheelchair. But he is old, so he is also normally angry. Because aren’t all old people?

They also have two sons, the younger a kid who likes to play the violin, and thus has concerts for the parents to go to, and the older, someone who recently came out of the closet a few months prior, despite knowing for many many years.

And yeah. A few weeks in their life, and maybe a rekindling of their relationship through these “Troubling times”.

You have to believe that Izzard is the type of guy who can be in charge of a magazine.

What’s to conclude about this movie? Not much. Some stuff happens, then some more stuff happens. Not really present is any comedy, except from how ridiculous Izzard is. The drama, while present, is there, but insignificant.

What is left is a movie that had not much happen, and then left no impact on my life. Woo!

If you know a bit about reality television, you might be familiar with Hell’s Kitchen. A show where Gordon Ramsey yells at people who aren’t good cooks, and eventually someone wins a job as a line cook. It is also the longest running reality show to not have a celebrity season. It is so bad, but I can’t stop watching it. Clearly most of the issues are forced, including bringing in people who clearly wont win. I am not saying certain people are staged actors, but…

Either way, yeah, this movie is called Love’s Kitchen. Clearly a play on that. Mostly because Gordon Ramsey is in this movie as well.

But most notably, he is not at all an important part of the movie.

Instead we got Dougray Scott, a famous chef. But his wife dies. That makes him sad, and his restaurant declines in quality. A famous food critic gives him a now bad review, and he loses business. Well shit. Once your restaurant has a bad review, it is pretty hard to ever come back from that. Gotta have a new place. Thanks to an idea from Mr. Ramsey, who yes plays himself and his friend, he decides to find an old diner way far away and make that diner a new great restaurant.

With hard work, dedication, and rehiring his entire old staff, eventually the restaurant is ready to go. But when right away a food critic who just got divorced, hates me, shows up, Claire Forlani (yes, the chick from Mallrats, what what), she is about to do a negative review. But is seduced by the good food. Yes. She was going to be a bad critic and give a negative review because of it being a man.

So what is the movie about? Him getting over his wife, and falling for the critic (who hangs around still). Oh yeah, and dealing with the small town locals who don’t want increased traffic in their area for some fancy new restaurant. Yes. The biggest dilemma is upsetting the people who were there first, and kinda saying screw you to them. Eventually another, better food critic, Simon Callow, comes by and they try to impress him too. They do. The End?

No. Even though the screen freezes on the two kissing AND goes to black and white, which I actually boo’d out loud for being so cheesy, it actually continues on. Ramsey is talking to someone on his laptop, and once he is done, he closes the laptop, stares at the viewer, and tells them shows over and to get back to work.

Actual last scene. For serious. Why not break some 4th wall for no reason?

Besides the cheesy story, the film was not really that funny. It was an obvious story, but also a bit boring.

No one was really relatable, no real development. Nothing. Just a restaurant that bugs the locals, but is very tasty. And that is about it. Although I disliked the cheesy ending, I wasn’t mad that I watched this movie. I was just bored. I guess I just had high expectations, since Hell’s Kitchen is such high quality Fox programming.

I actually saw a preview for Elephant White, which finally made me want to watch it. I mean, the action and scenery looked good. The acting might have been poor, but the plot I thought would work. Or what was conveyed.

Also honestly, I missed the fact that it included Kevin Bacon. Who doesn’t love Kevin Bacon?

Oh. These guys I guess. Or they love him too much.

Kevin Bacon is not the main character, but I decided to introduce people by least complex to most complex name, so he is first. It is about to get REAL in here.

The actual main character, Curtie Church, is played by Djimon Hounsou.

He is an assassin/mercenary guy, and he is finishing a job in Thailand. Yep, that place. But when he kills the target, and sets it up to look like a rival gang has done it, his crime is witnessed by Mae, a 14 year old prostitute, played by Jirantanin Pitakporntrakul. Ahhh!

He can’t get her though and has to run. This also breaks a truce between the gangs, despite how suspicious the bomb used was. Eventually he finds Bacon, who is a weapons dealer, and gets a sniper rifle. He shows up from time to time. But eventually Mae shows up and he captures her. And uhh, gang war. Trying to protect her and himself, yet not let her escape also, to let people know he is at fault. They find out anyways. He has a lot of explaining to do.

And then eventually the movie ends, but in a dumb way.

There they are. Her name has porn in the title.

Why does it end dumb? I am going to spoil it for you. Don’t read if you don’t want it to be spoiled. OKAY HERE I GO. She may just be a ghost the whole time, and thus causing all these problems for the mercenary to fix (and overall help the area and under age prostitution)…but for someone that isn’t there. What? Throwing some spirituality into an already bad action movie?

The title is there because there is also a ‘white’ elephant is involved. Or at least light grey.

But yeah. A lot of subtitles. A lot of confusing plot involving the gang (and being unsure of why the guy keeps hanging around these people risking his life after his initial job is done) and for little reward. An thus, it made me mad.

Midst the bigger releases this week, I saw Like Crazy and was most curious about it. After all, the other ones were the previously reviewed (and hated) Immortals, a remake of Footloose, and the most hated movie of 2011, Jack and Jill.

Not that I am basing my opinion on a movie before watching it though. That’d be bad (and human). >.>

But yeah, Like Crazy, also featuring the words before it “I want you” “I need you” “I love you” and “I miss you”. Pretty neat, and yeah its an indie romance story.

It also features some kissing. So kids 5-9 will not like it.

Anton Yelchin and Felicity Jones. The former, an American (hah) who likes to draw and design things. The former, a girl from Britain, on a student visa. Well they get infatuated with each other, go on a date, have some dirty American sex. He even meets her parents who come for a visit. But she decides to stay a bit longer over the summer, and they live together. Once she goes back for a few months for weddings and stuff, she plans on flying back to LA. Well. She can’t get through customs.

For overstaying her student visa, she is now, in fact, banned from entering the USA, even though she now has a tourist visa, and is sent back to London.
Well that sucks.

The movie is basically their relationship. It has, for the closest description, montages of their relationship. A lot of music and them doing things, or not doing things depending on where it is in the movie. It goes into a long distance thing, and then them seeing other people, trying to get rid of the ban. Then, marriage! Still doesn’t lift the ban. Then rifting apart, kind of living in both cities still, maybe also dating?

But what happens when the ban finally does lift? Can they live a normal life together?

Or will it just be a constant awkward turtle?

The other members of this relationship are Jennifer Lawrence and Charlie Bewley, and involve even more awkward working relationships and possible proposals.

Some things you might ask yourself. Why doesn’t he just move to London? Yes. Why not. Because of course that’d be ridiculous. Trying to figure out how much each member are really into this relationship is hard to grasp. When they fight, it is of course pointless, but most fights are. But one of the reasons he doesn’t go is he gets a successful design business in LA that would be hard to start in London (cough).

The ending thankfully while kind of expected, also went a different route. I both loved and hated the ending, and wouldn’t want to spoil it. But it definitely was emotional, and uneasy feeling. However, I think it moved kind of slow during other parts of the movie, and felt like the relationship was forced at points. The chemistry was definitely there between the two main stars, and it felt real.

Yes! Finally. Who hasn’t been waiting to watch The Way, the first Emilio Estevez directed movie ever? I know I have. I mean he has the look and everything down pact.

One step closer to finally becoming a true hipster.

Emilio is also in this movie. He is a guy who doesn’t want to finish working on his PhD and instead wants to walk The Way Of St. James, a catholic pilgrimage to Santiago, to the burial place of St. James. It has a lot of different routes, and can take between weeks and months depending on the path you pick. People apparently hike this all the time, with tons of hostels, churches, homes open along the way, with lots of guides depicting the different places to stay. So yeah, he was going to do that, but while hiking alone one portion, a storm hits and he dies. Shit.

His dad, Martin Sheen (in real life and the movie, oh man!) is an eye doctor and gets the news of the death and flies to Europe to identify the body. Despite disagreeing with his choices that lead up to that point, he decides to take a few months off of work and hike the trail himself, planning on placing his sons ashes along the way until he reaches Santiago. He also plans on going alone, despite his old age and what happened to his son. He is kind of grouchy. He isn’t religious himself, bu raise Catholic, and doesn’t want anyone to realize his business.

He meets travel companions (Despite his best efforts), including Joost the Dutch man (Yorick van Wageningen), looking to lose a little weight and feast upon the best meals in Europe. Sarah (Deborah Kara Unger) is a Canadian smoker (trying to quit, but barely), and also has had some bad relationships in her past. Jack, the Irishman (James Nesbitt), is a crazy writer who has had writers block for months, and needs inspiration, but finds meaning in every little thing.

Along the way they also deal with having to camp out due to creepy home owners, keeping to a schedule, getting arrested, losing their packs to water or thieves, gypsies, and a lot more. Oh yeah, and dealing with each others problems. Also figuring out why exactly they are on the journey, and whether or not is different than their original reasonings.

Oh what shenanigans these four get in to!

I am not a religious man, nor does this movie push any religion on to you. Most of the reasons for people walking the path involve religion, but it also shows it doesn’t have to be about that.

Martin Sheen is playing a pretty old guy, who really just needs to find himself and take a look at his own life. Old dogs can learn new tricks, in this movie.

Overall, I think it was really a beautiful film. The people all have a lot of depth to them, and although there are a few stereotypes in the other characters they meet, these travelers aren’t complete cookie cutter people. But yes, the Dutch guy does have drugs. That one is definitely there. What started out as a son telling his dad he should travel more, turned into a great journey of discovery.

I have no idea how to end this review.

Honestly, when I first heard about Valkyrie, I just assumed it was another fictional plot movie about people killing Hitler. But this time, the accents don’t exist, and Tom Cruise wears an eye patch!

AN EYE PATCH GUYS! What! Pirates up in this place, killing Hitler and the Nazis. Sounds wundebar.

Oh, it was a real thing and failed attempt to kill Hitler? Oh okay. My bad, history.

I hope you will accept this crooked hat as a proper assurance of my badness.

Let me tell you know. They don’t succeed in killing Hitler. But you knew that. Hitler killed himself near the end of the war. Not via a plot of some German soldiers!

Movie begins with Tom Cruise looking normal. But thanks to an air strike, he loses an eye and his right hand.

Operation Valkyrie is a plan set in place involving using the reserve army to maintain order during a national emergency. They realize that if they can activate it, it might be a way to pull off a coop and get rid of the Nazi regime in Germany. But the only guy who can pull the button, won’t do a thing with Hitler still alive.

Alright, simple enough, kill Hitler, pull off the operation, end the war from the inside out. Boom!

Bill Nighy, Kenneth Branagh, and Tom Wilkinson are some of the officers involved in doing this stuff. Character names are hard, because they are all german and stuff. Except for Tom Cruise. He is supposed to be German, but talks like Tom Cruise.

A lot of the film is planning and setting up. Because a lot of time was spent in real life too. They do succeed in pulling off Operation Valkyrie, but did they successfully kill off Hitler? Nope. Of course not. So their plan probably won’t work. And it might mean pretty bad things.

Like giving up their rare trading cards!

Movie was a lot better than I imagined. Actually bought this thing about a year ago but just…continued to never watch it. Gotta love that.

I wasn’t bugged by accents of course, but that was a big complaint people had years ago. The attempt was interesting, but not as straightforward as I would have liked. Or as action-y. Not sure why they devoted a whole movie to an act of failure. Successes must be running low, eh?

It was slow at times too, so I think they could have probably cut a lot of the movie out and still told the story correctly. It would have made it a better experience overall for me, at least.

Fast Food Nation is a movie based on a book. Have I read the book? Of course not, reading is for squares.

But clearly with a title like that, it is a movie that you KNOW has a message. The book is just a simple book talking about why fast food is bad, and giving examples and facts. This is a fictionalized story telling tales of individuals involved in the industry, from lowly cashier, to vp, to illegal immigrant workers in the cow killing plants.

And Fes!

Easiest way to describe the movie is a quick sentence on all the plots I guess.

We have a story of illegal immigrants coming from Mexico (and elsewhere), featuring Wilmer Valderrama and Catalina Sandino Moreno as a married couple going up to Colorado. They both go to the meat factory, Wilmer cleaning up the stuff at night with pressure hoses, and Catalina cutting beef, but quickly switching to hotel work.

Greg Kinnear works for the head guys and introduced The Big One, a new item to the fictional food company. It is doing well, but for some reason, the meat has higher fecal counts than other meats in the fast food market, so he has to go to Colorado to find out why. He also deals with Bruce Willis, a high up guy who brought his company and the meat company together. Oh, and Kris Kristofferson as the owner of the cattle ranch where they get the cows, and knows the truth about the factory.

There is also Ashley Johnson, a cashier at the restaurant. She learns about doing something important with her life, from her uncle, and is also kind of smart. She wants to quit her job, thinking it is bad, and become an activist. And also, Avril Lavigne has a small role as hippy lover too! Whats up Avril!?

“Well right now I am miserable, because it is such a damn cold night.”

Sooo, parts of the movie were interesting, sure. The problem? The last half hour.

First off, Greg’s plot line ends with a good 35 minutes to go, but doesn’t really end. They stop showing what happens with him, and he doesn’t really make a decision with what he finds out. Which is annoying.

The eco-terrorism route fails as well, and ends pointlessly. What do they learn? That they probably can’t do jack shit to help cows out. I guess.

About Fes? They had the best story, I guess. I hated what happened, but it also felt like it just didn’t end. The girl does get a job on their kill zone, and they do that more just to show companies killing cows (head things) and slicing their necks post death, blood and guts falling out. I DON’T NEED TO SEE THAT SHIT.

It is gross. I can understand that an animal died (hopefully at least) to enjoy my burger/steak, but I don’t have to watch the butcher work. We are civilized now. I don’t have to hunt myself. They aren’t even implying the cows live in bad conditions necessarily, just seems like the plants for the processing are lame overall.

So it was a movie with a message, and it failed horribly in my mind. Plots that started and went no where (talk about robbing the store? Where’d that go?), and then just a mess at the end. But hey, if there is graphic scenes it will work right?

Smart People is a movie about “smart people”. Titles, straight to the point. I think the point is that normally, smart people in movies tend to be so smart, they tend to be pretty awesome. The real people with problems are the not as smart people. Smart people get to be doctors and save lives, or any number of things. But they usually help the dumb in movies, right?

Smart people may be smart, but are they happy?

And why do they look like hobos?

Dennis Quaid plays a university professor, teacher of some sort of literature and maybe some history too. He is really good knowing his shit, but he isn’t good as people. He is pompous, self centered, and a “misanthrope” (word of the day, bitches!) and can’t remember a single name of anyone he has ever taught. Mostly because he doesn’t give a poop.

And then he has a seizure. Bam, wake up in hospital, and under the care of head er nurse Sarah Jessica Parker. Another former student he can’t remember, who was so scorned by his meanness (despite her also crush) she switched to Bio/pre-med. Because of his seizure, he cannot drive himself for at least the next sixth months. That’s horrible. His daughter, Ellen Page, doesn’t want to drive him, mostly because she is in her final year of high school and freaking out about college.

But (thankfully?) his no good, beatnick, brother in law, Thomas Haden Church also has shown up again, looking for money, and willing to be his driving bitch. Also he has an older son who goes to the college he works at, Ashton Holmes, but who cares about that one. This is the Quaid and Page show!

Because of his wife dying a few years earlier, their home life may have been a mess. Page now cooks most of their dinners (and seems to be good at it). But somehow he goes on dates with SJP and you know what? He is bad at it. An asshole. Eventually with the realization that he is an asshole, he tries to change himself. But yet, still assholish. There is also the other plot with Page being all alone a lot, not friends, and finding (too much) comfort in her uncle, who wants her to have a good time. Damn high schoolers, always falling in love with their uncles.

“I KNOW right!”

One second. Can we talk about how weird it is that Ellen Page keeps having these roles where she is underage and falling for or having older men fall for her? Juno, she is pregnant and attracting older men. In Super, she wants Rainn Wilson‘s character. And don’t even get me started on Hard Candy. For all of these movies (Except for Super) she is underage too.

Creepy.

I like that the movie has a dysfunctional “smart family” for once, and it is a nice change of pace. After about 2-3 minutes into the movie, I had already wanted to punch Quaid in the face. His character is very hatable. It doesn’t really change until the end.

If you are guessing the ending from the description, well, you are wrong. Eat it. Ending was a nice way to end the movie, and not as cliche’d at the same time. After all, these are smart people. They can figure their lives out, right?