Everything Must Go

Sometimes Will Ferrell makes serious movies. I can say that now, because with Stranger Than Fiction and Everything Must Go, there is at least two. Sure both movies of course have comedic elements, but they are overall serious movies. It is always good to see an actor leave his comfort zone. Especially if he can do that and excel. Will Ferrell can excel.

willy ferrel land of the lsot
And time travel!

This was a really great movie. All the emotion you would expect is there. Everyone felt real, no one overacted, it was all very simple. I am surprised that the kid was played by Notorious B.I.G.’s son. Also found it weird his only other acting gig is playing….Notorious as a kid in that movie. Would you want to play your dead dad in a biography movie? [IMDB links are screwed up as of this posting. It has his name as two different ways and says they are different people. Each one listing only 1 role. That is incorrect.] Err, besides the point.

Will Ferrell was great in this. He can be a serious and dramatic actor, not relying on slapstick or comedy or dumb lines. that. He has quite a few scenes where it is just him, or just him and one other person.

In the first few minutes of the movie, he loses his job, gets caught vandalizing, has his wife leave him, and is locked out of his house with all his things. So he lives on his lawn, drinking his beers, being poor, and mad at the world. In it you can tell he is a depressed human being, and they obviously note quiet clearly his alcoholic tendencies. (I mean. By saying he is an alcoholic. No subtlety there). I’d say watch this with The Beaver if you want to see two new movies in a row that are sad and depressing. Or just watch it by itself if you hate “The Gibs”.

gibson braveheart
But who could hate a face like that?

4 out of 4.

Win Win

I first thought this movie would be some lame Indie movie that was just trying to be like real life and bore me. But actually it got pretty interesting after the first ~15 minutes. Paul G is a volunteer wrestling coach at a high school, and lawyer. He also becomes the official guardian of an old dude and puts him in a home…as his grandson he never knew about comes to down to escape from his pseudo messed up mom (Played by Beth from Detroit Rock City. Whoaaa).

I am pretty sure that is the original draft of The Simpsons as well.

Anyways, the kid joins the wrestling team, does good, and continues to have family issues. Was a very real story, but super interesting. Movie has some comedic elements, but the kid actor really did fantastic in his role. I IMDB’d him and he has only done this role. Never acted before this. Used to be a great wrestler himself but had some spine injury or something. Alex Shaffer would be a very interesting person to watch to see if he continues to act, because he was very believable.

The ending had everything just fit into place, almost forced, but overall just a very enjoyable film. Of course before then everyone gets mad at each other, the kid doesn’t do as good at wrestling, and almost leaves his small town. But thankfully not only does he find a new family to live with, he also finds something he can excel at, and enrich the lives of others. You could even call it a Win Win situation.

I see what you did there fry
“I see what you did there.”

Also, the wife is played by Michael Scott’s lover in The Office.

3 out of 4.


In case you were curious why there was so many 50 Cent tags, I actually did a theme week of my movies. The theme being 50 Cent/Curtis Jackson. Remember. Watching Shitty Movies So You Don’t Have To.

From that theme it seemed like the movies got worse and worse the more of a role 50 Cent played. In Streets of Blood, he was the best part, but technically the lead man was Val Kilmer. In Gun their roles are reversed. 50 is in Charge, Val is his assistant.

I am not sure why they decided another movie was good after Streets Of Blood. Maybe they wanted less thinking, more killing. You’d expect a movie like Gun to be action packed. But this movie was pretty much the same thing. But less plot. Boring and mindless. In fact. The ending of this is kind of like the opposite of Streets Of Blood, in terms of which characters die and by who. Yes. That is definitely a spoiler. I don’t care, this movie blows.

It was also direct to DVD. I don’t know why. It should have all been put on the cutting room floor.

Gun cover
The tagline even references another bad movie of his. Good job 50.

0 out of 4.

Streets of Blood

This movie was not a good movie. Maybe it can be blamed on having 50 Cent play a lead? Val Kilmer and Sharon Stone I think are added for credibility. Apparently VK and 50 are friends, from some time earlier. But Val is now fat and disturbing. Where is my Batman?

Fat Val Kilmer
Picture: Not Batman

Val Kilmer’s partner died during Hurricane Katrina. Oh yeah. These people are cops. And this is set in New Orleans. Years later he thinks he may have been murdered, and has to follow some clues with his new partner 50. Sharon Stone is like, the police chief character.

Val Kilmer isn’t as overweight as he is now, but he still really didn’t do anything for this movie. His presence, despite being there, was never felt. Sharon Stone had a weird voice. So 50 may have been the best part of the movie? Good job 50.

Anyways, blah blah blah, corrupt Cops, blah blah blah. Lots of people dying. Horrible lines and acting. Dumb gritty feel (I assume from low budget). Was just super bored during this movie. May be the only movie where having 50 cent adds a point. There was also no actual street of blood. Disappointing.

1 out of 4.

Caught In The Crossfire

The title (Caught in the Crossfire) and synopsis of this movie definitely tricked me into what I thought it would be about. I was expecting a more violent, crime riddled, action movie. Instead it went the crime drama route. Most of the movie also is actually told via flashback, as the two main lead detectives try to explain the events of the last few days, in their search for both a cop killer and a corrupt cop at the same time.

Caught in the Crossfire? More like, After Being Caught In The Crossfire. I dislike the tense differences between the title and how the movie told its story, is all I am trying to say.

Grammar Nazi
Scratch that though. I’d be a horrible grammar nazi, as any reader would be aware.

But really. If a movie is told in flashback, then there are certain things the viewer can take for certain. The people telling the story will never die. If this is an action movie, we have to think “hey, there is a group of people. They are fighting other groups of people. Who will get out alive?” Then add in flashbacks, we know exactly who will get out alive throughout most of the story. That takes away any suspense fight scenes try to add by being dangerous and make it kind of pointless. Yes, this is not true if there is only one action hero, as he obviously will make it. But two or more? I am willing to accept someone dying. Especially if they are trying to stop a cop killer.

It was weird seeing Oz from American Pie all grizzly and mature, and you know, throwing down some bad language to “get deez gues” but he did it fairly well. 50 Cent played a drug dealer informant. That fit well for him. The other cop was played by Adam Rodriguez, who has not been in a lot (but apparently is the guy at the beginning of If You Had My Love music video).

A lot of it was cliched, and generally I was bored. But some parts were good.

2 out of 4.


Schumacher (or the destroyer of Batman (Yes, Batman can be defeated)) has made a lot of movies. From the “classics” of Lost Boys and St. Elmo’s Fire, to more “Recent” movies I enjoy, like Phone Booth and Phantom of the Opera. So why not try a new movie with him, involving half of the Scream 4 cast.

Schumacher can do what sharks cannot!

Anyways! This is slow paced movie, that has a few different plotlines. Majority seem to be upper class white kids in the New York City, with the main character being a very good drug dealer who doesn’t actually do drugs. For the first half of the beginning, it seemed like the introductions were lasting forever, but at least I paid attention to that(Read: it was interesting). After that, the middle, I was kind of bored, as it tried to weave all the stories together.

The ending was pretty good though, as I kept waiting for everything to burst. It took awhile, but when it burst, it burst hard. Acting wise, most of the people were very good and believable in their roles. I think the moral is also “Drugs are bad, mmmkay”, which is a better moral than stop being a lame upper class white kid. The narrator was Kiefer, and it was hard to not imagine him just kind of creepily standing off to the side and saying things. That’s what I imagine him doing in real life anyways.

Or writing it up as one of his memoirs.

Overall, could have been better. Based off of a probably better book. And uhhhh. People may die in this movie. It may be 50 Cent‘s fault

2 out of 4.

Morning Glory

This title sounds gross. GROSS! Well not gross. Just sexual. Morning Glory? Seriously?

I admit, the main reason I wanted to see this romantic comedy is because Rachel McAdams is hot. Not only hot, bu also a hockey fan. Not many people get their own “Rachel McAdams Cam” at a Bruins game, especially in the Stanley Cup Finals.

Rachel plays a young wanna be executive producer in broadcasting, but is stuck in the morning news shows (aka fake news). She also is able to handle the emotion of a woman who freaks out a lot pretty well (to contrast with her roles in Sherlock Holmes and Wedding Crashers, where she is a bit calmer). Harrison Ford plays the role of “I am old and awesome, fuck you people telling me what to do! But maybe inside I actually do care, rawrrr!” and it is pretty believable. I am sad he didn’t do any crazy stunts or shoot greedo though.

Indiana Jones
This is one of the references I was going for there.

Diane Keaton plays the other anchor who has been doing morning news forever, and hates the grumpy new partner, despite his credibility that he brings.

Also Patrick Wilson and Jeff Goldblum are in the movie. One is a boyfriend, one is a hard ass boss. Can you guess who plays who? (“Fuck Jeff Goldblum“) I was hoping Goldblum would do science in the movie. For some reason.

Jeff Goldblum scientist
This is one of the references I was going for there.

The ending was pretty predictable, but you have to take the good with the bad. I guess it worked overall.

2 out of 4.


At blockbuster there are tiny strips of paper to show what is coming soon, with the title and release date on them. The one for prom must have been prented incorrectly, because the background was dark, and I could only barely make out the words PROM on it, definitely not the word disney. So I assumed it would be a horror movie. It was pretty creepy. But then there was a colorful poster, with a big group of diverse kids all dressed up and no blood. And the word DISNEY. My mistake!

I definitely thought this movie would be bad based off the company and idea, but it ended up being a much more pleasant and enjoyable story than I could imagine. It also has tons of recognizable faces in it. Hank and the Rehab Dude from Breaking Bad. The main chick was in Scream 4 (She plays the “dumb blonde with big tits”(Scream 4 quote)) who dies at the beginning. There is also the ginger gay kid from Shameless. But finally, my personal favorite, THE DUDE WHO GLOWS from Sky High. Now he is all grown up and super tall. Black hair too, not gold.

Most useless super power ever? Maybe to you. But I lost my keys and it is dark.

This movie starts 3~ weeks before your typical movie prom aka best night of high school…in film. It has quite a few storylines outside of the main one which is largely predictable. Unfortunately it shows a lot of crazy/dramatic gestures from males in this high school asking females to prom. I am afraid for future generations, in case this movie becomes popular enough to fill girl’s heads with even more unreasonable expectations about a dance.

I thought most of the storylines were fine / cute / good, but the one I liked the most was with THE DUDE WHO GLOWS from Sky High (man sky high rocks). Maybe because its a been there, done that type story for me.

Movie has some stereotypes and cliches, but thankfully there is enough “different” people that you could probably find someone to relate too. Wont buy, but I did enjoy the one watch I had.

2 out of 4.


Oooh. A movie set in the 70s or 80s and about skating? Cool. I hope it is like Roll Bounce. I love Roll Bounce!

Roll Bounce
So does Wayne Brady.

Now I knew by reading the cover it wouldn’t be like Roll Bounce. It is some coming of age story, also involving a skating rink (named Skateland). Alright. Gotcha.

But oh man was this movie boring. Outside of Brett Cullen, no other really known people are in it.

Not much happened in this movie. Unfortunately, it took a long for time to what happened to happen. Scenes were slow, the plot was slow, and the conversations were never exciting. The actors showed little emotion, and it kind of reminded me of an actual 70s movie in that regard. Just camera and scenes. The only thing I really noticed is that a lot of scenes were single camera shot. It meant no cuts and that the people actually had to remember their lines and not screw up. Good job guys. You should do theater.

0 out of 4.

Justin Bieber: Never Say Never

This review contains spoilers, technically. Alright, as some background, I am not a Bieber hater. I don’t care about him. If he has a song that I like, I will like it. I enjoy the songs Somebody to Love and Baby. It is also technically the first documentary I am reviewing. I don’t do these a lot, because they are weird to review.

It is a great movie strategy though. If they make a movie every 15 years of Justin’s life, it will be the best documentary ever. Hopefully ending with some drunken alley when he is 50. Not wishing bad thoughts, just drunken ones.

Bieber Hobo
“I used to be someone. I used to be a contender.”

There was some things I definitely despised in this movie. In one picture, Justin is wearing a Colorado Avalanche hat, and in another video, one of his friends has a Duke sweater on. Screw that. I also didn’t like the amount of interviews in the first 30 minutes with little girls talking about Bieber. Was way too many, and hit too often. Would have been better more spread out. Similarly, a lot of the stage performances he did in the first half of the movie were pretty boring, I guess because I didn’t know the songs.

What was good? The performance of (something about a lonely girl?) made me go aww. Was interesting to see the emotion on the people who were picked to be “serenaded too”. I like emotion. This movie also had a central conflict! Justin’s voice might not have been perfect for the MSG performance! He had to postpone shows due to sickness! Ahh! It also teased me by ending about three times.

Seriously. False endings for the lose. “Oh this would be a good time to end. Sike!”It ended with three songs (the title song, some piano song) and finally, after all the wait, got to see Baby. Because honestly, why else would I see this movie? I dislike it ended with that, but I see why they did. So I will say that the only people that will like this movie are people who like Justin Bieber. Obvious reviews are obvious? I will also ask the obvious question. Where is my Taylor Swift Movie?

Taylor Swift
Taylor Swift: Don’t Be Mean

1 out of 4.

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