Author: Admin

The Dilemma

I have been told that a Dilemma is having to make a choice between two equally bad scenarios. A dilemma is not just having to make a bad choice or ignore it. My friend wanted me to make that clear for all the readers, but I will leave it up to you to decide if there is any real dilemma then.

But in other news, I have been avoiding this movie because it features prominently the Chicago Blackhawks, as they are in Chicago and fans of the team.

blackhawks
Statistically, they were not fans of them six years ago though.

Vince Vaughn and Kevin James are best friends, have been since college. James is very smart, knows all he can about numbers and statistics, and cars. Vaughn is a great talker, speech maker, and can make any sale. Together the have at dream. To make electric cars less lame, and more reminiscent of the muscle cars of the 50s and 60s. Feel that vroom in your acceleration, while also not damaging the environment. They are in the middle of making a real prototype, and if they succeed, they get a long term contract, with long term benefits. Needless to say, this is a very stressful time.

James is also married to Winona Ryder, together for almost 20 years, while Vaughn is just dating Jennifer Connelly. He wants to propose, but he has a hard time getting to that point. He also used to be addicted to gambling, which has damaged his relationships in the past, including this one a few years prior.

But when Vaughn catches Ryder having an affair with a very tattoo’d Channing Tatum? He initially wants to tell his friend right away, but he is already at a highly stressed point and if anything else happens he thinks he might explode. So instead he confronts Ryder to tell him, but apparently he also once slept with her in college (pre the dating, but still) and never told James. So she is prepared to tell James that the affair was actually with Vaughn, and he has been stalking her for 20 years, trying to get more.

Well thats weird. So Vaughn needs proof first of her affair, and then he can tell his friend! But with his sneaking around, everyone thinks he is gambling again, both men having lots of trouble working for the contract, and even James and Connelly have their own secrets! (No, not another affair). Oh, and Queen Latifah is in this movie too, if only to say things to make everyone feel uncomfortable, like “lady wood”.

Tatum
Shit gets real.

Remember when I said shit gets real? That is because this movie changes its idea of comedy throughout. It is marketed as a buddy slapstick comedy, and involving cheating women. This certainly happens in the beginning, but a large portion of the movie is much closer on the darker comedy level. Then some more slapstick stuff. I think it would have been much better if it stuck to one (preferably the darker route) than back and forth. My mood kept changing, and it felt weird.

But also a lot of the sillier stuff I didn’t find to be that funny. There is a long scene at a club where Vaughn refuses to dance with his woman, because he doesn’t dance. But then does a large silly dance with James instead. Talk about bad dating material.

I thought it was severely lacking in the humor department overall, but a weirder thing happened while watching. I cared about the characters. What?

2 out of 4.

The Karate Kid

Jackie Chan is a beast. Can anyone top this guy? He has been in a billion things, some good, some not so good. Hell, some times he is barely in the movie. But he is always the best part.

But for The Karate Kid remake, where Jackie Chan is trying to replicate the role popularized by the great Pat Morita? Can he do that? In a remake, will he still somehow be the best part of the movie?

salor scout jackie chan
Yes. Even while looking like some sort of sailor scout.

So there are notable differences between this movie, and the original karate kid. So I won’t go over them, they should be obvious.

But hey, Jaden Smith is the star, and he lives with his single parents mom, Taraji P. Henson. They are living in the best city ever, Detroit, but they are transferring her job to China. What the heck. So they move!

China sucks for Jaden. When he was trying to impress this chick on the violin, Zhenwei Wang, some other guy gets mad, Wenwen Han, and tells her to get back to playing. Serious business, the violin. So they fight, and Jaden loses soundly. Then he has problems at school, not knowing the language. He wants to fight back, but instead of ignoring the bullies, he actively pisses them off more, by throwing lots of dirty water on the group of kids.

He then gets beat up again. Rightfully so, that time. He had no end game there. Run until what? Thankfully (?) Jackie Chan comes out of no where and saves him. The kids are mad and try to fight him too. So at this moment you are thinking that Chan is about to kick six middle school aged peoples asses in a fight? Pretty much. He doesn’t hit any of them technically, but also, whatever, it looks like he is beating up children.

They try to get the dojo guy to make them stop fighting, and get thrown out. They agree to leave him alone though until a Kung Fu tournament coming up, if Jaden enters. So of course he does, unknowingly, because he doesn’t speak the language. Then training happens. Questionable training involving his jacket, but not actual Kung Fu. Just kidding, somehow it helps. He also sees the Great Wall, a temple, masters of the art, etc. Then a tournament. Shady dealings, and final kick.

High Kick
Size of picture is intentional. Take it all in folks.

Here’s what bugs me about the movie. Jaden Smith. Son of the William of Smith. I didn’t like him in this movie, I didn’t think it worked. They made the target demographic way too young. This is all involving middle schoolers. These love felt gestures, these crazy tournaments, all of that. It just feels weird when they are so young, not even in high school.

But really that is my biggest problem. A miscasting of the technically main role. I guess they salivated at the mouth at the thought of sequels, so if they do it while he is young, they can make more movies before he looks like he is some 30 year old mugging people with Kung Fu. Oh yeah, Kung Fu? In the Karate Kid? What?

That decision is also questionable. But everything else I loved. The movie could have been shorter, and the mom less annoying. But man, China. Good call. Lots of nice scenes, training was great, tournament was great. The last last scene had a little bit of a surprise to it too. I don’t think what happened is possible, thanks to physics, but hey, I didn’t expect it. I even rewatched the last fight, and slowed it down. Still kind of confuses me.

3 out of 4.

Eagle Eye

I was forced to watch Eagle Eye. I really didn’t want to. When someone asked me, “Hey man. Want to watch Eagle Eye?” I said this.

That was my way of both answering the question, and providing a reason why.

The movie begins with the US Army fucking up some terrorists. Or else that is what it looks like. They are at a funeral, but is also a guy they have been looking for, for a long ass time. It might not be him, but 51% chance it is! The secretary of defense (Michael Chiklis) says no go, but the President says go. So they do it. Whoops, civilians.

Long story short, this movie is about a super computer. That supercomputer can gather intel from pretty much anything electric or connected via remotes or on a network. Computers, cell phones are the big ones. It doesn’t like that the president and others put people at risk by ignoring its advice. The Secretary of Defense is cool though, in its mind, and thinks he should be president. So she tries to kill off the president and the other people on the chain of command.

Shia LaBeouf (slacker with a twin brother who was in the army, died, was super good at computer stuff) is being blackmailed, and so is Michelle Monaghan (single mother, who is being told her son will die if she doesn’t do the plan) are both being called by the mysterious woman (computer) and told to do things.

Which is basically get a bomb to DC and blow up the president. No biggie. Also Rosario Dawson and Billy Bob Thornton are trying to stop em, and figure out why they are so good at escaping shit.

phone
“Is this Michelle? No no nononononnono!”

Know what I hate? Shia LaBeouf, and Spielberg’s fascination with him.

Know what I like? Super computers. Super computers being too good.

Argh! Opposing forces! This has a ridiculous number of action scenes and chase scenes, that also go on for long periods of time. Heck that is most of the movie. None of them even seem plausible, even with the possibility of a super computer. But hey, you can stretch some imagination. But that is all the movie has going for it. Those scenes, because there is very little down time or real development. So its just okay. I like my super computer movies to have some nice philosophical discussions in them too.

2 out of 4.

My Week With Marilyn

Everyone loves Marilyn Monroe. This is what people are saying. Apparently she is big right now, according to Smash. I don’t know why, I haven’t noticed any people talking about her more than she has been talked about the last 10 years. But since people are saying it, it must be true!

And that is why we get My Week With Marilyn. Based off of Marilyn Monroe coming to London to do a movie, and having a very brief relationship with some guy.

Monroe the monroest
There she is. What a camera whore.

Colin Clark (Eddie Redmayne) is just a guy. He wants to be in film and also likes Marilyn Monroe (Michelle Williams) but who doesn’t? He tries to work under the great Laurence Oliver (Kenneth Branagh), because Marilyn Monroe is coming to shoot The Prince and The Showgirl. Through persistence, he becomes the assistant director.

Hey, Marilyn Monroe is weird. She has her own acting coach, and keeps trying to do things weirdly, even refusing to get lines right because she says it doesn’t make sense for her character. Turns out Oliver doesn’t think highly of her, or her constant delays of the production, and claims he got her for her looks, not her talent. She hates that shit. Know who else hates it all? Arthur Miller (Dougray Scott), her husband at the time. He was making a play also kind of making fun of her. So they fight about it all and he goes back to America.

TIME FOR COLIN CLARK TO MAKE HIS MOVE. Even though he is also kind of dating the costume design girl, Lucy (Emma Watson). Despite her reputation as a heart breaker, Clark hangs out with her a lot more. And then they do some things (Each other), and then eventually she leaves to go back to America when the movie is done, leaving Clark all sad and heartbroken.

Watson with marilny
But you don’t care about Clark do you? You care about Hermione.

So how was it? Well first, my fault clearly, I didn’t think it would only be a week of her life. But then again, that was the title. I actually thought it would be a full Monroe movie. I’m sure there is already 30 of those, though. Also, this isn’t going for an accurate portrayal of Marilyn. It is going through Clark’s eyes, how she was and felt to him, and it shows. She seems otherworldly in this movie, and also crazy. But definitely on a pedestal the whole time, and almost like she is better than the rest.

But I found the entire thing uninteresting. It could have been about any actress I felt, and made them weird, not just Marilyn. The movie they are filming doesn’t seem to be that popular/important of a film either, so it doesn’t hold much cultural significance. Just the premise in general makes Marilyn seem like a person with bad morals, which I am sure she wasn’t.

Right? Right?

But yeah. Probably only interesting to someone who already likes Marilyn Monroe. Everyone else won’t care, and will find it kind of boring.

1 out of 4.

The Three Musketeers

What story is more cherished than The Three Musketeers?

Apparently a lot of them. You know how hard it was for me to find someone who knew the actual plot of The Three Musketeers book? I had never read it, nor have I really seen another movie with them in it. Maybe a wishbone episode, but I don’t remember it. I know I am not comparing the book to this new movie, but while watching it, I knew pretty certainly that some of the events in the movie could not have possibly been in the book.

After all, if they had been, that book might be a lot cooler.

Airship battles
This scene was one of the few that made me question if this was the actual story or not.

The story begins with the Three Musketeers trying to unlock Leonardo da Vinci’s secret tomb, where his most awesome invention blueprints were stored. Athos (Matthew Macfadyen), Aramis (Luke Evans) and Porthos (Ray Stevenson) are all introduced (even with frozen framed name cards!), as is Milady de Winter (Milla Jovovich). Each are shown their general personality, and how they prefer to conduct business and fight.

But after acquiring the plans for the warship…betrayal! In the form of the Duke of Buckingham (Orlando Bloom). The Musketeer program is disbanded at that point. A year later, D’Artagnan (Logan Lerman, aka the Percy Jackson) is training with his father, a former musketeer. He dreams of going to Paris and becoming one himself, and so, you know, does that.

In Paris, he starts off on the wrong foot, pissing off Rochefort (Mads Mikkelsen), captain of the Cardinal Richelieu’s (Christoph Waltz) guard. Despite barely escaping, while running through Paris, he also encounters each of the Musketeers, offends them too, and offers them each a duel an hour apart. Then he is like, oh shit, Musketeers.

They get arrested for illegal dueling, but because they took out 40 men in the process, the king (Freddie Fox) reinstates the Musketeers. Just in time. Because the Duke wants to go to war with France. So he arranges that love notes be found in the queen’s (Juno Temple) desk, that say she was having an affair with the duke, and had given him certain rare diamonds (which he has hence stolen). The king will be forced to execute his wife, and go to war, but because he is so young, the public wont like it, and reinstate someone else instead.

Unless the Musketeers can fix the day! Also there is a hot lady in waiting Constance (Gabriella Wilde) who totally wants D’Artagnan.

Awk group
Lerman (center) looks like his head is out of place each scene with that hair.

How’d you like that summary? If you actually read the book, you’d notice obvious differences. I think Milady plays a way more important role in this movie, than the books. I think also the affair is real in the books (maybe here too? Could be argued). Also, warships.

This movie is also VERY colorful. The colors pop out, at first kind of distracted me (in the first throne room scene), but I got used to it and overall liked it.

Also, this movie reminded me of TONS of other movies. The movie did had an overall epic feel, similar to Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of The Black Pearl, and not just because of Orlando Bloom. If anything this movie succeeds because of everyone else. There was also a scene that was a clear homage to Mission Impossible. But instead of lasers, I assume just had to see trip wires that would ring bells, or something.

Did I mention warships?

If I had a big complaint, I would say they didn’t flesh out the three musketeers personality wise enough. They do a bit at the beginning, and some other moments, but this is clearly an action driven movie. I will say that all the musketeers, in my eyes, did a fantastic job, and the kid. Seriously, they all kicked some ass. I liked the steampunk like warships involved, and found it odd that I was so captivated by a movie that did so bad in the box office.

GUYS. WARSHIPS. GUYS.

3 out of 4.

The Descendants

Hooray for movies nominated for academy awards!

That is what I would say if I was snobbish. But would a snobby person care about The Descendants, since the only thing it did was win best adapted screenplay? No one cares about that, unless you are the Dean from Community.

So lets just open this up in my normal way, and not a fake snobby way.

Hooray for movies with George Clooney!

GC
Hooray for them not being political in nature!

The movie begins with a woman water skiing getting fucked up. Or at least her happiness right before the fucking up occurs. Then we get GC narrating. Ah, his wife is now in a coma, brain damage. That sucks. Their marriage has been drifting apart, sure. But this is not something he wanted to happen, or ever considered happening. She raised the children, while he was the breadwinner. While being a lawyer himself, he was also the sole trust member of the thousands of acres of land his family owned.

Why? Because he is related to King Kamehameha, and it has been passed down through the generations.

Due to some law, in a few years he will lose the land, so his family is looking to him to sell it to many potential buyers who would like to use it for tourist sites, ruining the natural beauty. He has all the power, but damn it, his wife is about to die! Both of his children are acting up, who he has never really had to raise or look after on his own before. Amara Miller is the younger daughter, living at home with him, and Shailene Woodley is away at boarding school.

The movie is about his character having to make such a great decision, while also dealing with the loss of his wife. Loss? Yeah, in her will she said she didn’t want to be supported on a machine with no hope of coming back, so the plug has to be pulled. He also has to tell all of her friends and relatives of the decision. Including one man he didn’t know existed, the man who his wife was cheating on him with.

Matthew Lillard plays that man, and Judy Greer his wife. The friend of the older daughter, Nick Krause, is also in this movie, as a jack ass who speaks what everyone is secretly thinking.

Punch in the face
He also might get punched in the face pretty often.

So why is this movie good? You know why, George Clooney. He is an awesome character. Super relatable, minus the whole rich thing. I did bust out laughing at more than one occasion, but part of it was because the lines Clooney said wee so good. Id like to think I would say the exact same things as him, but I am not as cool.

Everyone else does a good job too, making the movie seem real, which was exciting. The Hawaiian feel didn’t hurt either.

The film was nominated because it was an all around good movie, and its not even artsy.

3 out of 4.

Love Ranch

If you were booking a vacation, I can easily understand picking a place called Love Ranch. First I assume this isn’t a couples retreat, but a place for single people. Secondly, do they actually grow love there? Or just capture and brand it?

Shit, I don’t know anything about Ranches. This intro is dumb!

hostess
“Get rid of sin! God will win!”

Love Ranch was the first ever legal brothel in the United States. If you didn’t know, Nevada is a bit more slack with those laws. But how could you not know? Maybe you don’t know what the internet is, and are reading a print out of this review 200 years in the future. Hello future!

The owners and operators of this establishment are Joe Pesci and Helen Mirren, married. Sure they don’t sex as much as they used to, but they still love each other. Maybe. If you know anything about brothels, you of course know that they probably deal with gambling or something to right? Of course, especially in Reno.

But instead of just gambling, Pesci wants a boxer. A local boy preferably, to get lots of sponsorships, to put Reno back on the map. He finds a guy, Sergio Peris-Mencheta, and buys his rights and begins to train him. Mirren is placed as his manager, against her will, and she also decides to train him a lot.

Then a fight finally happens, he barely wins, but gets messed up hard. In the doctors office they find out he has had brain surgery before and has a metal plate in his head! I first though that mean an unfair advantage, but that’s because I am an asshole. What it really means is in a sport like boxing, he has a way higher chance of dying by getting knocked out, and he is lucky to be alive. Whoops.

Pesci doesn’t like how close they are getting. After all, pre-fight Mirren and the boxer had sex. HOW DARE THEY. Only Pesci is allowed to sleep with the workers. Fighting happens. Someone might die. Someone might be put in jail. And someone might get away better than ever.

Prostitutes
Oh yeah, and prostitutes.

For a movie about the first brothel, there is an awful lot of the movie not about the Brothel. It seems like the fact that it is the first legal brothel is an afterthought. There are a few small scenes that I wanted to see more of, such as an unruly customer, and protestors, but they each were small scenes and overall meaningless. Because the movie was about everything but the brothel.

Lets talk about Joe Pesci. This is his first leading role for 13 years. Sure, he had a small role in 2006 with The Good Shepherd, and a supporting role in 1998 with Lethal Weapon 4, but his last leading role was actually Gone Fishin’, and thus the movie that ended his career. Yet somehow he was like, “Yes! Let me be the pimp who doesn’t do much pimpin’!”

Overall, the movie felt incredibly slow. There are some naked ladies involved, but the plot of the boxer, and Mirren sleeping with the boxer was also quite uninteresting. The boxer out of all three almost seemed like he had the most development, and stronger acting moments. But I think that is just due to the fact that he had blood on his face a lot.

1 out of 4.

Sharpay’s Fabulous Adventure

This is the 400th movie review! Most of my milestone reviews were based off of the Twilight films, which were also reviews 150, 200, 250, and 350.

There is a clear gap in there for the theme, because when I hit 300, Breaking Dawn part 1 wasn’t out yet. Well, part 2 isn’t out yet either. Not even in theaters. So for 300 I instead did all of the High School Musicals.

So what is the point? Well for 400 I wanted to try and keep to some theme, if I could, which is why I present to you, Sharpay’s Fabulous Adventure, the TV movie spin-off of the High School Musicals!

Fab Sharp
So…damn…pink.

I know what you are thinking. Or at least should be, if you saw the High School Musicals. Why the hell Sharpay?? She is of course played by Ashley Tisdale, but she is the “villain” of the series. A rich girl who thinks she deserves everything, and had most things until the new kid came around.

No one liked her, why does she get a spinoff. Why not her twin brother and that glasses chick who got into Julliard? Or that “pop it and lock it” girl that is behind the scenes in all the movies?

Kaycee
She actually went on to star in something called Fat Camp.

But no, Sharpay. Alright. It begins with her singing and dancing! Like she always does. This time at her parents country club though. Apparently this place is such a small town with no opportunity, yet a country club with filthy rich people. That would explain all the different background kids in one high school.

Yet somehow, there is a guy from NEW YORK CITY there, and he wants her to come down an audition.

After some convincing with her parents, she is allowed to go to NYC! But if she doesn’t land the gig or have anything after 1 month, she must go back to the town and get a real job with her dad. Like, gross!

But the apartment she planned for doesn’t allow dogs. Bitch please. She gets kicked to the curb, all her pink luggage and shit.

Sharp
Pink luggage and shit.

Then some guy starts filming her, which often happens in NYC. Oh whats that, its her moms friends son who is in the area, and supposed to look out for her, Austin Butler?? How convenient. Speaking of convenient, he also knows of a studio apartment open in his building. Not as big, or fancy. But allows dogs.

Head
His head is actually always that shape and angle. The whole movie.

But when Sharpay gets to the audition…turns out it was for her dog instead? What the fuck. No it was not her missing the meaning, the guy in his email or in person never actually said it was for the dog. Oh well, “Hilarious missunderstanding!”

The dog will star along Cameron Goodman, a fake broadway celebrity, in “A Girl’s Best Friend”, about a girl and her dog with big dreams of making it big in NYC. Yes. It somehow mirrors Sharpay’s life. The directors (Alec Mapa and Jack Plotnick) like her dog a lot, but unfortunately the little boy, Bradley Steven Perry, and his dog are also kick ass.

Spoiled
Pictured: Spoiled rich kid with talented dog, who is not Sharpay.

So the directors do the only thing they know how. Cast both dogs, until one is clearly better. Causing them to compete and play jokes on each others time to shine. Stay classy, Sharpay.

Sharpay even becomes the personal assistant to Cameron, hoping to get on her good side. But it turns out, Cameron is a huge bitch. She hates the whole idea, and the dogs. Hell, on the day before the main dress rehearsal, she tries to cut out the dog part completely. What?

dog powder
That powder is made from puppies.

So Sharpay eventually goes off on Cameron. Telling her all she learned about how much of a bitch she is (and Sharpay used to be). The star storms off, and Sharpay is kicked out. But thanks to Austin filming her all the time, they find out Sharpy knows all of the scenes for the musical, because Cameron refuses to come back at all. They quickly hire her back, as the stand in star, and she stars in her own musical! And she also isn’t a bitch anymore.

GUys and tisdale
What do you mean this looks like guys and dolls?

So overall, how was the movie?

Well uhh. Surprisingly it was pretty decent. WHAT?

Yes. Taking the hated character, and giving her a spin-off with ridiculous dreams of starring in Broadway, and ending up in one with her dog. Yes. It was decent.

The plot? Not the best. The musical that she happens to get to help and star in matching her own travel to NYC? That is stupid as shit. The final song didn’t even sound that good. Tisdale’s voice is not good enough to star in a Broadway thing. (She was a last minute replacement for this one. But we are to assume she stayed a star.)

There wasn’t as many songs as I expected. Pretty much two near the end, the opening number, and Sharpay/the kid both auditioning singing the same song with their dog. There was some other “popular music” in it, but they were covers. For some reason, the guy who played her twin in the HSMs did a cover of Baby in the background.

But despite all this, for a character so fake and uncaring, some how her transformation into a kinder person seemed real. You believed she had changed her ways, if only because there was a bigger bitch in town. She was even willing to risk her whole “Career” and go back home to do a real job, just to do what was right.

Of course then you can get into how unnatural the plot unfolded. So the bad set up was a big part of the blame. The just okay music was disappointing. But, somehow I liked the last half.

2 out of 4.

Love Hurts

Sometimes you just have to watch all of the titles that begin with Love. Turns out there is a lot of these bad boys, and I don’t mean overall, just the last few years. Because if you don’t believe in love, you can’t be bohemian. Some say it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. This movie says fuck that. Losing a love, sucks. It hurts. Love Hurts.

Grant
And…and twins!

This movie is about that weird moment in a marriage when the kids have all moved on and again, it is just you and your spouse. Apparently a lot of relationships only stay together for the kids and end once they are gone and they are both left to only spending time with each other. Some thrive at the freedom, and some get complacent.

Richard E. Grant plays the husband and apparently is pretty boring. His wife, Carrie-Anne Moss (yes, that girl from The Matrix), leaves him to live her life, unable to stand that house any more. Well that sucks. That makes him all depressed.

Now that his son, Johnny Pacar, is off at college, he has no one and is in a big rut. If you thought he was boring before, just you wait! But his son feels bad and tries to get him back on the market and into the social world. Not only does he take a liking to it, but he starts to kick its ass.

He finds FOUR women to fill his void and time with. Jenna Elfman, his nurse, who likes to dance. Janeane Garofalo, his personal trainer, who likes to…be Jewish I guess. And also two twins, who sing karaoke. TWINS GUYS. That stuff is so hard to do. Mostly because in real life it is gross, because twins = related. But still.

But then a funny thing happens. His son, in college, life ahead of him, falls in love. Shit. Doesn’t he know? Dating around is the way to go, not one girl. That shit is for boring people! Or will his attempts to help his son win the girl of his dreams let him realize who he really loves after all? (Yes)

Moss
“Oh! I get it! That is his wife!” – Gorgon Reviews reader.

Somehow, in all of the crap I have picked up this week, this movie has been the best. I was getting jaded, in that I had previously watched three movies that all lacked any reason for me to like them, but this one was thankfully different. I have never heard of the main guy before, but his character and his mid life crises was actually pretty fun to watch. The beginning wasn’t very good, but once he started getting into the social scene, and living life, and realizing how much he missed his wife, it was much better.

If you can only have 2/3 of your movie be good, having it be the last 2/3 doesn’t hurt (but I think the first and last third are the best. Get em hooked, make em want to leave, then punch them in the face with awesome. That is what I always say). We can all agree that it is at least better than only the first 2/3 being good.

2 out of 4.

Footloose

Footloose is the (hopefully) obvious remake of the classic from the 80s. It was the movie that arguably put Kevin Bacon on the map as a future movie threat. Could this remake do the same thing for Kenny Wormald, whose previous roles included “Dancer” on You Got Served and “Dancer” on Clerks II?

footloose
You better be looking at the guy in the pink.

Kenny plays the lead, not Zac Efron as originally planned (because he didn’t want to be typecasted? Too late).

Movie starts out with people drinking and partying. They are even dancing to the Footloose song. Bitches love that song. Then they get into a car wreck, accident, and the car literally explodes. It is so ridiculous looking. Because of this, the town council, lead by pastor Dennis Quaid, initiate a curfew for the people under 18 in the town. Not only that, but they ban drugs and alcohol (dumb, because that would already be illegal), but dancing. Logic is in there somewhere, try and find it. His wife is played by Andie MacDowell.

Three years later, Kenny comes to live with his Uncle who works a repair shop, all the way from Bawston. He fixes up an old beetle, drives around listening to rock, and yes, gets a ticket. Loud music is bad here. All the adults think he is a bad addition to their community. He almost gets in a fight with a redneck right away, but the guy instead ends up his loyal friend, played by Miles Teller. He can’t dance.

He also meets Ariel (Julianna Hough) the daughter of the preacher man, and her kind of boyfriend, Chuck (Patrick John Flueger). Can he get through his senior year without getting arrested? Can he lift the dancing ban? Can he get it on with the preacher’s daughter? If you’ve seen Footloose, you already know.

Footloose
…Hot damn.

But for real. The plot is pretty damn similar to the original footloose. All the characters even have the same name. The reasoning for the ban is the same, as are the relationships. What is different?

Well uhh. I think this one had more hidden dance scenes than the first footloose, cant remember. In the original, he moves out here with his mother, and his “bad ways” hurt his uncles business. In the new one, he moves out here because his mom died of cancer, and his uncle is always on his side (and no talk of hurt business).

He is still a gymnast in this movie, but the town has no gymnast team. He still does the “angry dance”, and the prom is still held in the same place. Little bit different stuff with the pastor again.

Kenny is not as charismatic as Kevin Bacon though. He does an okay job, but hard to live up to that role. I was really impressed with Miles Teller, playing the “can’t dance redneck friend who eventually can dance”. And dance could he. Took me awhile to ealize that yes, I had seen him in a movie before. He was the “kid” in Rabbit Hole, my first 4/4 movie on the site.

But overall I feel like this is a pretty enjoyable movie. I was surprised to find it as a PG-13, but when I noticed the language and sexuality, it made sense. The dancing was great, song choices okay. Nothing I hated. The “line dancing country bar dance” was one of my favorite, and of course everyone flipping their shit at the end of the movie.

3 out of 4.