Act Of Valor

Yeah! War! Modern War! None of this sissy Vietnam movie crap.

We need an updated war movie. Preferably not one with people in deserts either. A sexy war movie, with a new opponent that isn’t a country, but maybe a small organization or a single terrorist? Something that you wouldn’t send an army after, but instead an elite fighting group of soldiers to take out and handle. Maybe, just maybe, you could send the Navy SEALS after them? They are exiting. They got Obama.

So why not make a movie designed to show off how cool they are? Like what Act of Valor does. Outside of the main unheard of actors, it has real Navy SEALS in the background to get people pumped up for war and the navy.

Actual Navy SEALS? Bonkers! But look look, there are actual GUNS as well!

The movie begins with a terrorist attack in the Philippians. It is a fucked up one too. Sure it takes out a US Ambassador, but also a dozen or more school kids. Whoa. Kid deaths. You know this is not a Spielberg movie. Who is to blame? A Chechen terrorist (hmmm, topical) named Abu Shabal(Jason Cottle).

You know what? I am already bored as fuck going over this plot summary. They have to go get him. There might be some drug smuggling stuff going on too. One of the seal team members is going to be a dad soon, so we know we have to watch his story closely. It’d be a shame if he died.

I don’t even want to tag any of the main people in this movie, because they are all SEALs. You know what that means? It means we are getting an action movie with shitty acting. Okay, that is probably normal for most action movies, sure. But this is even more shitty, as it is just regular people trying to convey emotion on camera.

Thankfully they focus more on the fighting and stealthing around. I guess.

Fuck the guns. This is an actual swamp. ACTUAL SEALS IN ACTUAL SWAMPS.

They should have used real actors for this. I don’t buy any of this bullshit of “the filmmakers realized that no actors could realistically portray or physically fill the roles they had written and the actual SEALs were drafted to star in the film.” That’s crap, actors do that all the time. It is called acting.

So instead we get a movie with a bunch of literal no names (I can’t tell if the names in the credits were changed to protect identities, or if they are their real names but no one cares) in the most generic feeling action movie ever. Honestly, maybe because they were going for realism? It just bored the crap out of me. You can read the very detailed plot description on its wiki link if you want, I just get so bored beginning to talk about it, I’d rather link you to my biggest competitor. Shh, wiki is so a competitor.

Maybe I am even more bugged out that the SEAL team members were basically forced to do this film. To use as a promotional campaign. A really fucking long promo ad. Maybe it will get people excited, but I doubt after the Somalian Pirate incident they needed more press.

Basically a superliminal version of Yvan Eht Nioj.

0 out of 4.

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