Day: January 7, 2020

I love a good movie about ice. I mean, did you see Aquarela? It was 33% about ice, then the rest was just water.

In this film, it looks like ice is the villain of the story. There it is, trying to just exist on top of a river or a lake, and these assholes start to walk all over it. And when they fall in and drown, what, the ice is the bad guy?

Do you break a window with a baseball and go “hey, how dare you break and make my baseball go inside of the house, you asshole glass!”

With Breakthrough, the ice will break, and through the ice, we will find Jesus.

This scene happens a lot when Jesus takes the wheel of your car.

John Smith (Marcel Ruiz), what a basic name! And he feels really basic. He was born in Guatemala, but his parents put him up for adoption, which is why Joyce (Chrissy Metz) and (Josh Lucas) adopted him and brought him to St. Louis, Missouri. Basically Guatemala 2.0.

They are super religious, and he is super apathetic. He wants to be cool and hang with his friends, but he lacks an identity. And really quickly, with his friends, they all fall through some ice and start to drown. They are at various levels of cold when help arrives, but John is ultra-fucked. He is underwater. He was underwater for 15 minutes before they could begin any sort of recitation.

And guess what! Well, he isn’t dead. But he is in a comma. And he was kind of drowned for a long time. If he recovers, he will probably have mental problems.

Thankfully, Joyce is super religious and demands a lot of prayer and positivity and eventually he comes back against expectations, with a new lease on life. In fact, he starts loving Jesus a little bit more, which means the doctors were right about how he might be if he recovers.

Also starring Topher Grace as youthful hip pastor, Dennis Haysbert as a doctor, and Mike Colter as firefighter who saved him.

Checkmate atheists.

I guess these real life Christian dramas are running out of good material to work through. Does it feel miraculous that this kid survived despite being under water for 15 minutes? In the ice? Hell yeah it does. Good job firefighters and doctors and everyone who kept him alive and his parents for not pulling the plug early.

But why the hell is this a movie? It is so god awfully boring.

The ice thing happens early on, which it should, because everything for that is just introductions and filler. And then it takes until near the very end for him to be good again. So most of the time is just, you know, lying in a hospital, with minor inconveniences occurring every once in awhile.

Acting performances aren’t wonderful, it didn’t make me cry at all (which when these sorts of films are slightly better made, usually can make me cry) and it is a goddamn drag.

Please pick cooler miracles to make movies next time. Or at least ones with more exciting medical drama in the middle, like in Miracles From Heaven.

I was told a few warnings about Climax before watching it. Not about actual content, but more about the director, Gaspar Noé.

A controversial fellow, Noé has done plenty of films that I have never seen and shorts I have never seen. Apparently Love was very graphic, but I never got around to it.

I can expect a movie called Climax to be graphic. It is sort of there, in the name. I can hear warnings about French film, but that is really hard to put into one box.

No matter the warnings I received, none of them were really enough and none of them could really explain just what I was getting myself into when I decided to finally check out Climax.

And I felt. fabulous! No, wait. The opposite of that word!

In this movie, we have a few people who are getting a dance troupe together. Selva (Sofia Boutella) is the lead dancer of the troupe, and is working with someone else to pick people for their group and the music. I won’t tag anyone else in it, because everyone else is professional music people/dancers in some way only, and that is why they are in this movie.

The movie opens with a big, long dance sequence in one shot that is interesting, but strange. No wait, before that they show clips from fake interviews with these dancers on questions they asked before joining the troupe. No wait, before that, we see a woman bloody running in the snow. Oh.

After the big dance number, we get to see people talking. People dancing. Some interactions between a few of the characters. Back and forth talks between just pairs, making you really strain to pay attention to the plot point of the film. This is where you get backstory, kind of, sort of! After that confusion ends, we go back to dancing and people interacting.

But, the dancing gets stronger. The people get angrier. The people get weirder. Oh no, someone spiked the sangria and a lot of people are now going on a bad trip.

And then a lot of bad stuff happens the rest of the night, resulting in some deaths, some rape, some deaths, some uncomfortable moments, some sex, some dancing, and some other gross unfortunate terrible moments. Hooray!

Hooray?

I think I definitely did more of a plot description than normal compared to other films. And it feels justified.

There are quite obvious from the conversations early on that seem to be the main focus, and some of the characters who are definitely less of a nice person. The interview portion is completely forgettable after the dance, and probably should be rewatched for clues now that you know the characters better. But it is a huge struggle early on to remember what aspects of what characters were told and are important, with there being such a big cast of dancers and the conversations going so quick.

Now, once the tone shift happens in the film, and everyone starts to get on the bad trip, it definitely gives an uncomfortable feeling to the viewer. Oh no, bad things. And guess what? Basically every bad thing you can imagine happening, based on the earlier conversations and events, totally does happen.

It is very predictable in regards to probably the three worse things that occur in the movie. And this is a wildly gross and sometimes scary film, but having the worst/grossest parts easy to guess seems odd. Basically, if it could go bad, it does go bad.

I will admit, I first just assumed everyone was going to die in some extreme ridiculous ways, and not a lot of people die by the end. But no one is super happy by the end. People have been violated, or killed, or threatened, or raped, and it is just uncomfortable moment after uncomfortable moment. And the whole time we are getting a constant trance background beat, with some characters constantly screaming in the background. We get a power outage and thus, more darkness, a “scarier” hue to the whole thing, and even more bad stuff.

It has a lot of uncomfortable moments, but at no point does it feel worth it. Like you should have to see it, like any character deserves their fate. It is just basic exploitation for the sake of.

And what the hell. There were like, three times in the first half of the film where we got opening credits. I don’t know what was going on there.