Month: June 2013

Whew.

Just whew.

Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed was a documentary that raised up quite a stir when it was released. Like. A lot of stirs, a lot of negative feedback, and a lot of controversy. I think I vowed never to watch it back in the day, didn’t want to accidentally give it any money. So yeah, watching it was totally biased, and I probably made up my mind ahead of time. Deal with it. Reviews (and life) are sometimes not fair.

Hey, stop looking at that Darwin statue. Stop it right now.

The “documentary” was split into four basic parts. First, Intelligence Design as an alternative to Evolution, and the scientists who have tried to do research in it who have been “expelled”. Then eventually, that Nazis are a result of Darwansim/Evolution being taught. Whoa whoa whoa.

That seems like quite a jump, but yes. Ben Stein went full on Godwin’s Law. Made in 1990, he stated that “As an online discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Nazis or Hitler approaches 1.”

I used to love Ben Stein. Not for Ferris Bueller’s Day Off either. I hate his scene, and I hate everyone who quotes it when there is any silence. That isn’t original or funny. People should stop that. I liked him for Win Ben Stein’s Money. A great and funny game show, and well, it proved Ben Stein was kind of smart.

But a movie entirely about Intelligent Design? That isn’t even the big issue. The biggest issue is the amount of deception that went into this propaganda, to show only his (/their?) side of the coin. I realize that most documentaries are biased, which is why I rarely review them. But at least they try to hide the biases a little bit.

How could you Ben?? I trusted you!

So here is why it is bad. First off, in between the clips of interviews and scenic shots, there are clips from old shows and movies thrown in, to make light of certain arguments and mock them. Serious documentaries don’t do that, but comedic ones might. This one was not going for comedy.

Secondly, the amount of distortion done to the interviews, and facts not shown just to show one side and lie about it, is astronomical. That is a big science unit. In fact, there is a really long wikipedia article on the movie, that not only explains complaints by many of the interviewers, but also why their examples are wrong based on the facts they showed in the documentary. Literally, almost everything is wrong in this documentary, making it deceitful as fuck.

Even better, two professors at Iowa State University were mentioned in this, and at the time of writing, I am a graduate student there. Heck, I have talked to both of these professors, including Dr. Hector Avalos, a religious studies professor here, and he confirmed the same things. They were told they were getting interviewed for a different movie. The questions they were asked were misleading, their responses cut up to different questions to make a point that wasn’t made, and other shady tactics.

The scientist in me is literally exploding with rage over the attack on science in this movie, using underhanded tactics. The good person in me is similarly exploding, at the deception and lies thrown about. This is why I have a rating system that goes from 0 to 4, not 1 to 5.

I didn’t plan on watching Little Birds, it was right next to the movie I wanted in the store. But that movie was gone, so fuck it, why not. Could be good.

I will admit, I had a huge brain fart when I picked it though. I saw that it had Juno Temple as an actress in the movie, so I of course went, “Ohh, I love Ellen Page!”. Damn that movie Juno confusing me every time.

Come on Juno. You are on the back of a bicycle. Smile like you fucking mean it! The story is mainly about two girls living in Salton Sea, California and they are poor as fuck. Well, decently poor. Lily (Juno Temple) is shown with cut marks around her vagina, clearly there from some attempted suicide. Which her dad totally did. Her mother (Leslie Mann) is doing the best she can, and pretty dang caring, but Lily is super angsty at 15, so she doesn’t care.

Alison (Kay Panabaker) is living with her dad, who is a super alcoholic. She also lost her mom, but to the Cancer. She and Lily are great friends, except Alison actually has a positive enough outlook in life. Because she isn’t a cunt.

Eventually they meet some skater boys, and said see you later town, it wasn’t good enough for them.

Yep, they decided to leave the area, steal Alison’s uncle’s truck, and drive to LA a few hours away to meet the boys. Lily is totally into Jesse (Kyle Gallner), where Alison doesn’t really care for any of them, but gives into peer pressure. The leader of the boys is David (Chris Coy), who is a no good, do nothing. They all are runaways too, living in a not so very safe abandoned apartment.

So why not get into shenanigans? Outside of normal crime and skateboarding. Like setting up dates for Lily with middle aged men to steal their shit when they get back home. Yeah, that can’t go wrong.

It was pretty great living for the boys before Lily/Ali joined them. Well, this is an indie coming of age movie. It turns out most of these are all the same. We have unlikable characters, doing unlikeable things, leading me to not liking the movie. Crazy how that works out.

I wouldn’t say that the acting was bad, just I was incredibly bored by all of it. It took a long long time for the girls to meet the boys and go to LA, where any excitement started to happen. It was a chore to watch Lily bitch the whole film about her life and hate her mom, for no reason at all.

But then when we got to LA, it took awhile still to get exciting. The ending was a bit exciting, but I hate out they ultimately decided to go with the scene. Sure, it was unpredictable, but the predictable ending would have been a lot better and make more sense.

Kay Panabaker was the best part of this movie, although she has yet to be in any movie that I have rated decently. Come on woman, I liked you (ish) in No Ordinary Family. Make your sister proud.

1 out of 4.

I guess I should make one thing clear right off the back. At the time of watching My Little Pony: Equestria Girls, I have never seen anything related to the TV Series before. So I am going into this movie completely blind, knowing full well there will be jokes and references I don’t get.

Now, I have since gone back to watch the TV show for a few episodes. You know, for “research.” I am not saying I am a “Brony” but the show has merits on its own.

It also has strange colored women. But if it worked in Doug, it can work here, damn it.

The story begins with Princess Twilight Sparkle (Tara Strong) heading to the Crystal Empire for the Princess Summit. All of her friends are invited too: Rarity (Tabitha St. Germain), Applejack and Rainbow Dash (Ashleigh Ball), Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie (Andrea Libman), and her dragon companion Spike (Cathy Weseluck). It is a pretty big deal and will be a pretty big party!

Twilight Sparkle still feels weird wearing her magical crown though, not used to the power and responsibility that comes with it. However, in the middle of the night, a thief breaks into her room and replaces her magical crown with a replica! Oh no! Sunset Shimmer (Rebecca Shoichet), a bitter former student of the Queen, has stolen the crown (an Element of Harmony) and put it through a magical portal to a strange new world.

Twilight Sparkle is going to have to go chase after Sunset Shimmer to retrieve the crown, before the portal closes in three days, and she must go alone. When she goes, she is transformed into a strange new life form: a teenage girl in high school! Sunset Shimmer rules the school with an iron fist (hoof?), too. The school is  also made up of people who have very similar personalities to her pony friends back home, but they are all enemies here!

Can Twilight Sparkle restore the friendship that used to exist in this school? Can she get retrieve the crown before the portal closes, trapping her in the human world for a long time? Will the fact that “Friendship is Magic” come up at all in this movie?

Friendship Orgy Circle!

Audience wise, I was surprised that college and middle aged people actually outnumbered teenage and younger girls. Go figure, the “Brony” crowd is real and showing up in theaters, increasing ticket sales. In fact, they were a rather rambunctious group, constantly cheering and clapping at small cameos and tiny jokes. It actually made the experience better.

My Little Pony: Equestria Girls is only 70 minutes long and it is made up almost entirely of high school prom based cliches. But I still found myself laughing out loud several times throughout. There are at least four original songs as well, of course about friendship and working together, basically the cheesiest things ever. Yet they still entertain. They reminded me of this famous song from the first season of “The Powerpuff Girls.”

Unfortunately, this movie was probably just made to sell dolls and figurines. The rumors are that they will create a second show, one set in the human world with the girls if this one does well, creating even more merchandising for kids. Yes, every movie is made for profit, but no one likes an over saturation of one product.

The movie offers a great message for kids, especially with how they dealt with Sunset Shimmer. Often times, in kids movies, the villain will be completely one dimensional and just pure evil. This film at least breaks the mold from that.

My Little Pony: Equestria Girls can be watched if you haven’t seen the TV series, you just won’t get a lot of the smaller references thrown in. You just have to be able to find it in theaters, most only having one show time a week. It is good for families, and not incredibly boring, just probably an extreme cash grab. Still a better movie than The Croods. Brony up!

2 out of 4.

I will say this right up front: I was not looking forward to Monsters University at all. First off, I thought the first film, Monsters Inc. was only okay. More importantly, I think doing prequels is generally very lazy writing. Monsters Inc. gave us not only a lot of character development, but also entire society development. Doing a prequel basically says fuck you, we are going to ignore all of that change and go back to the original ideas from our movie instead.

This is also Pixar‘s first attempt at a “college” movie, and what better way to parody all of the college movie stereotypes by using monsters?

I am starting to think that purple dude on the left is just a manifestation of the other guys mustache. Monsters University takes place when our heroes are freshmen in college at (you guessed it), Monsters University. There is more than one college in the area, don’t worry, the boring sounding one is just the one they both picked. Mike (Billy Crystal) wanted to go there his whole life to train to become a Scarer, while Sully (John Goodman) was basically bred to be a  Scarer like his famous father.

Basically, Sully gets to be the jock that has everything handed to him, but he doesn’t take it seriously, so he does really bad on all the tests. Mike is not scary at all, but he studies enough, so he knows everything to do in every situation! Classic nerd. Either way, both of them get into hot water when their constant bickering gets them kicked out of the Scarer program. Dean Hardscrabble (Helen Mirren) isn’t fucking around. She is also terrifying by the way.

This forces our heroes to join the “lame frat” on campus, having to turn a group of losers into the scariest monsters in school, in order to get back on their career track to be the best Scarer team Monstropolis has ever seen. A lot of famous people voice random monsters in this movie too. Steve Buscemi returns to his role from the previous film, but we also have new comers with Charlie Day and Aubrey Plaza.

Seriously, check this bitch out. Dragon wings to fly and centipede body for cackling down a hall. Utterly terrifying. Originally I was going to ignore the first film for this review, to try and go in watching it as neutral as possible, but it turns out, I actually liked Monsters University more than Monsters Inc. Maybe it is the subject matter (College, yay!), or maybe it is actually just a better structured film overall.

Obviously we know that somehow our heroes will end up coming out on top by the end of the film, because “Monsters Inc.” has already happened, and they are clearly Scarers. What we don’t know, is just how twisted and strange that journey actually ended up being. I was shocked at the clever ways the story developed, while also maintaining a parody vibe in relation to other famous college movies.

What did bug me was the ending. It felt like it dragged on near the end, so I found myself getting a little bit fidgety, hoping it would get to the point. It wasn’t as bad as the ending to The Lord Of The Rings: The Return of the King, but it still took its time at the finish line.

I also think they did a poor job of showing that there are other majors and departments in the university outside of fields related to Scaring. After all, in Monstropolis, Scaring is just one job profession, and they still have scientists, mathematicians, historians, and all of that, but the only classes that ended up getting shown related to Scaring. Sure, they had a dancing major, but outside of a casual mention, they could have shown a quick clip of a class. They even mentioned scaring in their school song. Now imagine a university doing that with just one department, like Physics. Pretty messed up yo.

3 out of 4.

Noobz is a funny word. It sounds like boobs. One of the best early memories of Pure Pwnage involved asking random women questions about gamers, including if they though the word noob was sexy.

The answer is no, because noobs are lame and thus not sexy. Gotta have skills to get the ladies.

Either way, I watched this movie for a number of reasons. One of which is a lot of video game references and jokes. Hurrah!

The second and final reason is motherfucking Jay.

Noobz is about a group of gamers going to a gaming competition in California. They are members of “Reign”, a clan who plays Gears of War 3. For whatever reason, Gears of War 3 is the biggest game ever during this time, and it is thus a competition that everyone who is anyone cares about. It is a best 2 out of 3, 4 on 4 match, and that is it. Not much gaming for a round, no, but hey, whatever.

Cody (Blake Freeman) is actually the fourth best in the world, and the rest of his team is no where near as good. He claims he would be first best if his wife didn’t get mad at him, and his shitty job as a realtor wasn’t getting in the way. Good news is, he loses that job and his wife leaves him early in the movie. Yay!

Andy (Jay Mewes) works at a gaming store, and wants to go to the fest. He is willing to pay Andy for a shot of some of his prize money. They also have Oliver (Matt Shively), who exists only as a really long gay joke. Because he does gay things, and claims he is straight. That is his only purpose. Their final member is Hollywood, aka a guy who was on Starship Troopers.

But yeah, they go to the fest to play Gears Of Wars 3. Trying to win $400,000.

There is also a side story of Greg “Armagreggon” Lipstein (Jon Gries) who was a big deal in the 1980s, doing the coin operated arcade circuit. He was world champion at everything. Everything but Frogger. This year is his comeback and his chance.

Also, Moises Arias is in this, but I don’t want to spoil his role. If you watch it.

She is in this movie for one scene. She has boobs. Not for noobs though.

Alright, well I wanted a lot of nerd jokes, and unfortunately this movie didn’t really have any. Like. Not many at all. For Serious. Some gamer language was used, and their gamer tags were a little bit clever, but most of the jokes came out as gay jokes, or slap stick only. Pretty weak.

Oliver’s gamer tag was of course Fragget. Or something similar, not sure.

There was also a love story, which made the ending a lot worse than it should have been. It was predictable unfortunately, so I’d rather not talk about it.

Mewes was okay in the movie.

The intro for them to get to their expo took forever, and didn’t have many jokes attached to it. Unfortunately, the best jokes were of course in the blooper real in the credits.

But this movie is not a 0, no no. Because jokes did take me by surprise and I did laugh a few times. It was just incredibly low quality, and underwhelming. That is all. Don’t watch it, for sure, but I was not pissed off by the time it finished.

1 out of 4.

Stoker is a movie I had to wait four months to see. It didn’t come to the local theaters, not even the ones an hour away. I was pretty disappointed, because the trailer not only looked really friggan awesome, but it was an original story. That’s right. It was not based on a book, a play, a short, nothing. Just an original movie that looked creepy and sexy.

I wanted it so bad. But I had to wait for the DVD release date. I also wanted to see it on Blu-Ray, but I missed out on that opportunity as well. Damn.

I couldn’t find the better shot where you could see her eye through the scope. I have failed the internet.

Death death death! The movie begins with the death of a father. Car crash, a few states away, burning to death. Very gruesome, very tragic. India Stoker (Mia Wasikowska) just turned 18 as well, and is kind of all sorts of distraught. She is like, seriously fucked up over this. Big sad times.

Her mom Evelyn (Nicole Kidman) is a dirty little whore. Okay, that is harsh. But still, her husband just died, who she hasn’t been intimate in awhile, and after the funeral she invites the mysterious brother, Charles Stoker (Matthew Goode) to live with them. That is pretty soon, you are a widow, you should be grieving.

Well, Charles is kind of a creepy guy. He stares a lot, right into your soul basically. He stares so fucking hard. India is uncomfortable around him too, and for good reason. Charles has many secrets of his own. But maybe India will like his secrets once he makes his intentions clear?

Also, Alden Ehrenreich has a small ish role in this movie, and he is basically the opposite of his role in Beautiful Creatures. It made me hate him a lot.

I guess, to be fair, she stares just as creepily as he does.

Woo! What a sexy movie, in a creepy way. Let me reiterate how disappointed I am that I didn’t get to see this movie on Blu-Ray, it would have been even sexier looking. The cinematography is fantastic in this film, in all ways. Camera angles, the way the camera moves around the scene, and the way scenes morphed from scene to scene. There was a scene that had a close up of Kidman’s red hair, that transformed into a grassy field, and I almost flipped a shit. It was such a good transition.

The acting is great in this film too, with only a few characters it is not too hard. Nicole Kidman’s character was just ridiculously flustered the whole time, Matthew Goode and Mia Wasikowska were both different levels of creepy.

I do think this film lacked a little bit. It was slow at parts, and not as life changing as I would hope. It was incredibly well done, but not over the top well done that I set it up for. So maybe that was my fault. But I don’t think if I went in completely blind it would be a 4 out of 4, still a 3 out of 4.

Too much talk, not enough ending to the review. Check it out. But it is obviously a dark movie. I loved the ending too.

3 out of 4.

There comes a time in every man’s life when they see a trilogy that makes them so hard for drama. That might sound graphic, but that is how I felt watching Before Sunrise, Before Sunset, and Before Midnight.

Have you heard? Before Sunrise came out in 1995, and it is about two people who meet on a train in Vienna. On a whim, they go out and explore the city together, having a long first date, and decide to meet each other again in a year. Before Sunset came out in 2004, nine years later, and was set nine years later. The man now an author, who wrote about their experience, the woman, still French, and an environmentalist.

So what happened? Before Midnight is ending their story, that I know of. It came out in 2013, another nine years later, and is set of course, nine years later. Holy fuckity fuck, that is ballsy. Same actor/actress, and same director.

I have seen them age and grow. I feel like God.

I don’t know how to write this review. I feel bad talking about the plot, because I really wish you have seen the first two movies before you saw this one, although I have a source that tells me you can enjoy this one without it. Let’s just say that I am going to describe their current state of lives, and they will kind of be spoilers. So, read at your own risk.

Jesse (Ethan Hawke) and Celine (Julie Delpy) have two twin daughters, both seven. They are near the end of a six week vacation in Greece, although they live in Paris. Jesse has written a few more books now and Celine is really high up on her career path. She is thinking of making a change, although Jesse isn’t a fan of it.

Jesse is also worried about his son from his previous marriage, who he only gets custody during the summer and Christmas. He lives in Chicago now, and his ex-wife hates him, understandably. But he wants to be closer to his son, now that he is in high school and is going to be an adult soon. He wants to be there for him. His wife doesn’t want to move to Chicago.

Here we have a day in their life, discussing their future, discussing their relationship, the lows, the highs, and the neutrals.

Spoilers, you get to see her boobs too. Like, a lot.

Fuck yes. I loved this movie. In fact, I want the whole trilogy in a nice cool box set. I would buy that so hard. Even if they offered to buy me a klondike bar to not buy it, I would give up that klondike bar chance. That is how much I love this franchise.

Why? Well, for one reason, it is all basically dialogue. That is great for those of us who love dramas. More importantly, a lot of the scenes are quite long, single camera frame, with them walking or driving in a car with no real cutaways. That means they are doing this all from memory, actually acting and being real about it. The realism is incredible, which makes the sweet parts that much sweeter, and the anger fight induced parts that much scarier/sadder.

You should watch these movies. Or else, you know, you are probably lame. Each one is fantastic (well, the second one is the least fantastic), and they probably deserve your money more than you.

4 out of 4.

It is a strange time for zombie movies, with the last few serious ones never really living up to the “George A. Romero” Standards. Who decides these standards? Well, fans of the old stuff, who hate everything new, basically. Thankfully with films like Warm Bodies, zombies that break the mold are becoming a bit more accepted by movie watchers.

However, the fact that World War Z (Trailer) has really fast moving zombies doesn’t seem to be the major concern with most viewers. It is the fact that the movie is almost nothing like the book (According to book author Max Brooks) that the name comes from.. I never tend to care about source material with reviews. If a movie is good on its own merits, it should be judged on its own merits. But even I can admit that making it nothing like the material and only borrowing the name is just a bit scummy.

I tried to tell Brad Pitt that I was disappointed in that fact, but with a face like his, how could I stay mad?

Let’s not even get into the luscious hair that he sports for this film.

The movie begins with a series of news reports letting the viewer note the currents state of the world. After that, we are introduced to the main family in this story. Gerry Lane (Brad Pitt) is now a stay at home dad, with two young daughters and a loving wife Karin (Mireille Enos).

About seven minutes into the film, they stop with all the boring drama nonsense, and get straight into crazy zombie madness! All around the world, zombie outbreaks are occurring, with many major cities falling. The Lanes are in Pennsylvania and find themselves on the run with the world crumbling beneath them.

However, it turns out Gerry used to be a pretty big deal in the United Nations, a smart guy, very tactical, and good at the surviving in extremely volatile locations. His former boss John Garang (Fana Mokoena) is able to lift him out of Newark, New Jersey, giving his family a space on the fleet in the Atlantic. Far away from any mean old zombies. Unfortunately, this lift to freedom doesn’t come without a price. Gerry has to go with a small team of seal soldiers and a scientist to help figure out the cause of the outbreak, or you know, the end of the world.

Let’s also not forget that Matthew Fox is in this movie as the important role of “Paratrooper.” Arguably a big name actor, he has less than a minute of real screen time I’d estimate. Danielle Kertesz plays a female Israeli soldier!

They would make great mindless cheerleaders. Dat pyramid.

Did I mention I loved that the action in the movie started so dang early? I thought I was going to be left with a lot of family drama, worrying about protecting the kids, but within the first half hour they are dropped off on the aircraft carrier and only a minor nuisance after that. When watching this movie, you are not going to care about his family, or any other character. Really the only important person in this movie is Brad Pitt. His youngest daughter is particularly distracting early on, mostly because she is a nine or ten year old girl acting like a four year old.

Another potential issue is that this film is only PG-13. The lack of blood and decapitated bodies seems to be a problem for the die-hard zombie fans, but it was a problem I could ignore. My biggest issue is with the sometimes sub par CGI. The mass hoards of zombies would often appear more blurry, which just ruins otherwise fantastic action scenes.

Despite the narrative flaws and less than stellar effects, the movie kept me interested throughout its almost two hour run time. I jumped out of seat on multiple occasions, often surprised how much fear was in the movie. Yes, it is zombie based, but the trailers made it seem like it would be action/adventure oriented. Brad Pitt survives some ludicrous situations, almost making me laugh at how ridiculous it all is. But he is a big movie star, I know he is going to survive inconsequential things like airplane crashes and stab wounds.

As a zombie movie, it is actually pretty tame, but I think it adds something unique to the genre.

3 out of 4.

For Legion, it is one the last of the main entries into Apocalypse Week.

I remember the trailers for this movie, and thought nothing of it. Random horror. I almost bought it cheap on Black Friday two years ago, but my brother said it was dumb, so I never bothered. But now, finally, I can see it. I love catching up on things I missed.

“…So then the bartender goes, why the long face?!”

The story begins with Michael (Paul Bettany) fighting off some demon looking mother fuckers, and being quite vague. Oh yeah, he totally had angel wings too, but has apparently got rid of them. Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaat.

Now we find ourselves at a diner in the middle of nowhere. We have quite a few people there, including: Bob Hanson (Dennis Quaid), the owner, his son, Jeep (Lucas Black), their cook (Charles S. Dutton), and a pregnant waitress, Charlie (Adrianne Palicki).

Well, they have some customers too, but who cares. We care about Kyle (Tyrese Gibson) a dangerous looking man who is going to LA. Yes, dangerous because of his skin color maybe. Either way, eventually, some old ass lady walks in and starts causing a fuss, turns into a demon, and tries to get her kill on. Kyle saves the day!

Mass confusion, then enters Michael. Oh, yeah, he seems crazy. He also has a lot of guns. Just because a small army of people who turn into demons attack the diner doesn’t mean he isn’t crazy still. You see, apparently God has lost all hope with the human race. He wants to smite them down, so has sent creatures to take out the Earth. Michael didn’t like that so he abandoned the Angel status to save the human race. How does he do that? By protecting the pregnant lady, whose child is apparently the key to humans winning out.

Great! One against many! Let’s do it. Kevin Durand is Archangel Gabriel too? Heck yeah. I am pumped.

Keamy from Lost has never looked more “cool.”

The plot of this movie actually excited me. Shoot out at a diner in the middle of nowhere, protect the girl at all costs, Angels are the bad guys, also demon things? Why not?

Well, the old lady demon was pretty dang silly. They used the climb on the ceiling tactic multiple times, one as an old lady, the other with a young little boy. Apparently that is all they had going. All the other demons had nothing special going on with them, besides awkward jaunts and large mouths. But still, cool fights and guns right?

Well, I wish. It seemed like post Michael arrival and the mini army, which was promptly dealt with, the movie went into a long lull of boredom before the next wave or anything really happened. Sure, things did happen. But I wanted more guns and demons, damn it. It felt like hours waiting for more things to attack. We are also left with a lot of silly different deaths, that bug me more than anything. Sure they are diverse, but they don’t feel creative, they feel lazy. Don’t take out my favorite character by having him be a hero for no reason, kay?

Just saying. Could have had a lot more cooler deaths and shootouts, and not a lot of downtime in between cool scenes. Really loved the Angel fight too, for some reason.

2 out of 4.

Stake Land is another movie I passed up on watching when it came out because it was probably “Scary”. Same story, different movie. Turns out it is about vampires AND apocalyptic. Great addition to Apocalypse Week, then.

Unfortunately, the title Stake Land makes me think of Scrubs, specifically, Steak Night. Yes, both words are different, but shut up. Oh well, I am probably just hungry. The cover image looks kind of cool though.

Oh god. I thought that was Jeffrey Dean Morgan for a second. Whew, that was a close one.

So yeah, Vampires are a thing now and they are kind of fucking up the world. It is kind of like the Zombie Apocalypse, but vampires. So day time is fine, but people have to fear the night, and blood thirsty animal like savages. They are different than zombies damn it. Still can’t stand a stake in the heart though. But who can survive that anyways?

Our hero is young Martin (Connor Paolo) who lost his parents to the vampiric plague. He was later discovered by a vampire hunter who just goes by the name of Mister (Nick Damici), and Mister has taken it up on his own to teach Martin how to survive, how to kill, how to make a living off the land, not being scared of what can happen.

Okay, that is kind of the whole movie. Vampire killing, surviving, and shit happening. They run into some other survivors who join their ranks, including Willie (Sean Nelson), an ex Marine, and Belle (Danielle Harris) a pregnant singing chick.

There is also this fucked up group The Brotherhood, with the local chapter being lead by Jebedia Loven (Michael Cerveris). They are super religious, but an extreme group, who often feed wrong doers to the vampires for being unholy. They are all sorts of fucked up, and a human presence that are almost work than the vampires running around at night.

“Jeepers Mister, you’re really strong”. I just quoted the Disney fucking Hercules, because it fit so well here.

Turns out I need to stop being such a jerk when it comes to movie covers. Sure, I didn’t watch it because I thought it would be a horror film. But if I did some research, any at all, I would have found it to be a drama with some horror elements at all. Maybe the cover itself made me think it was a B film as well. Either way, excuses are excuses, and I should have watched this movie when it came out.

Why? Because I kind of liked it. I could have recommended it to people for over a year now! Boo!

Either way, this movie reminded me a lot of The Road. Kind of like a man and his son, and the people they meet. The Road is a lot more bleaker, and that’s why it is rated higher. Because shit was real. This one had a lower budget, but more fight scenes and a lot more death (and a bit less sadness). But despite that, I think it was an interesting fresh take on vampires and apocalypse movies, so I am happy it didn’t disappoint.

3 out of 4.