Day: February 22, 2012

Hooray, CGI movies about cats and swords!

As you probably already know, Puss In Boots is a prequel to the Shrek tales, but has nothing to do with Shrek. Just…Puss In Boots and how he got those boots.

And you know, uhh…Other tales.

Antonio Banderas reprises his role as the sword swinging feline. He is wanted for petty crimes, but bitches can’t catch him. He wants to steal a big prize, but not from old people or children or anything. That is when they let him know about…the magic beans.

Jack and Jill (Billy Bob Thornton and Amy Sedaris) have found the beans and plan to plant them. Why? Because beanstalks, that’s fucking why! They want to go to the land of the giants, who are long dead, and get some of that golden goose/egg stuff.

But when he is about to steal them…another cat! Who I want to call Batcat but is apparently Kitty Softpaws (Salma Hayek). They have to fight over getting to the beans and both fail. Lots of fighting / dancing later, we also get to find Humpty Dumpty (Zach Galifianakis) an old character from [I don’t know how to grammatically say this right, and it feels awkward] Pusses past. He wont have any of it and storm off.

But eventually forgiveness happen, and the three set off to get the magic beans, go up the beanstalk, and become rich and help the poor!

This also tells the tale of creatures addicted to ‘Leche’

There are some other fairy tale things in here, but I don’t want to give them away. Overall, I could say it was a very decent movie. But I had some problems with it.

Flashbacks. Part of that word is flash, making me think at least it shouldn’t be a long thing. Well the flashbacks in the movie were incredibly long. We hear the whole story of his birth, meeting Humpty, becoming friends, and eventually not being friends. All in one ridiculously long flashback. Bah. It is already a prequel. Might as well tell that shit in a better order. Because that long portion was boring as crap.

I also felt a bit disappointed by the main story. I think they could have done something more epic than the search for magic beans / golden geese. Maybe the large desert portions also took away a bit from the nice CGI that went into the movie. When you have excellent CGI, you don’t want it to be a sexy desert.

Overall I thought it was decent, but man. A rollercoaster in terms of interesting plots.

The Mighty Macs is a sports movie! This time set in the 70s, and this time I will explain most of the plot before the first picture. Carla Gugino plays a woman who is finally getting to coach college basketball, at a Catholic school, for next to nothing. Very little supplies or support, and a ragtag group of girls. Her husband, David Boreanaz, or that guy from Angel/Bones who is also NOT Nick Lachey, is also an NBA ref or something.

Eventually she gets an assistant coach, a real nun, played by, Marley Shelton, and they come together unexpectedly to kick ass at basketball and win multiple titles.

This could be a horror movie picture.

I think this whole movie HAS to be a joke. Honestly. First, the main two female leads, the coach and the nun. I am looking at their past movies and it just doesn’t fit from the religious stand point. Marley Shelton was in Scream 4 as random cop hottie, and in the Grindhouse movies. Carla Gugino was the main character in something called Elektra Luxx, an R rated movie about a Prostitute who becomes pregnant…and it also has Marley Shelton in it!

Outside of the glaringly mis-casted main stars, this film has applied every sports cliche it could think of. To be fair, it is set in the 70s, so maybe sports movie cliches are just based off of their season, and they now finally get a movie?

We have an outcast girl, who helps save the day. We have girl who goes through big tragedy, almost leaves, but stays and kicks ass (normally a death, this was just boyfriend breaking up with her). The Coach is doing it all for practically nothing and no support on supplies, or from her family. There is no support, because of course the school is going to close THAT YEAR unless something good happens.

The team doesn’t do good until they work together without the coaches help. The final rival defeats the team soundly earlier in the movie, but they get to meet again at the end. The rival team also has a personal connection to the coach. They are losing to the rival team until a nice halftime speech. Really, I could go on.

“Yay teamwork and friendship!

What bugged me is their outfits. They made a big deal about how “lame” their uniforms were, and they do look silly. Nothing like a normal basketball outfit. Yet in the credits it shows footage of their championship wins…and the outfits look normal.

I just don’t get why that would be exaggerated for the movie, if it was a lie. What the hell are you guys trying to pull?