Day: October 22, 2011

People are just going to see this review and think of me as a mean old curmudgeon.

Assuming you don’t already assume that.

But I was very disappointed with the new Winnie The Pooh movie.

Blah blah blah, kids will love it, super G, whatever. I hope no kids are reading this website anyways. Just in case they are, there is some bad fucking language in some of the reviews, so they should probably stay away from those.

My problems are as such. First, not counting the credits, this movie is pretty much exactly 60 minutes long. Why a person would rather watch this than a much more interesting hour long show on HBO or Showtime, I wouldn’t know. But just in terms of length (and content) it really just felt like a long episode of a TV show. Not a movie.

The animation itself also felt like it was identical to the original older movies/shows. I know why they did that, the same way they made this movie. To prey entirely on nostalgia for older people, and to introduce it to younger people to try and get more money. If nostalgia is the only reason you would like something new, or being very young, that cannot be a good enough reason for it to be good. I read a few other reviews of this, and most of them mention the nostalgic feeling.

Finally, this doesn’t really offer anything new. This is still based off of the original book series by A. A. Milne. In fact, some of the plots are stories that have already been done in movies (such as the Search For Christopher Robin).

I did enjoy the song about the Bakson, but that was because the animation was done in a creative way. John Cleese did an excellent job as narrator too. While there was some interesting moments in terms of interactions with the book pages and the characters, most of the humor comes from the normal lack of understanding on the part of Pooh.

In conclusion, if a well established series is going to release a movie after a period of downtime, it should a) Have something improved upon the earlier series, such as graphics (not saying boom boom 3D, but there is better 2D animation capabilities), b) Not just rehash all the earlier plots, and c) Be of “movie” quality, not just a longer cartoon tv show.

Tigger, please.

1 out of 4.

I guess the first and most obvious thing to note about this movie is it is called Faces in the Crowd, not to be confused with A Face in the Crowd.

This movie, which IMDB calls a Horror-Thriller despite being more of a Thriller-Drama (unnecessary semantics are unnecessary), stars Milla Jovovich and many other people who I haven’t really seen before. Thankfully, who they are is not an important aspect of this movie.

Milla is just a kindergarten or something teacher, having a corporate boy friend, going to the clubs with her friends, living free. But she accidentally witnesses another girl getting stabbed and murdered (and then raped). Talk about a way to ruin your night!

“Alright, murdered then raped? Sorry. That is too much for me.”

Turns out that is what some local serial killer has been doing. She runs, he attacks, she falls off a bridge and hits her head. Wake up later, FREAK OUT! Apparently she comes down with something called Prosopagnosia, or face blindness? Sounds completely made up in the movie. She has trouble recognizing faces. I assume the movie went for the most extreme way of her having this condition. In her class room, all the girls look alike, as do all the boys. When she loses site of a persons face, like looking away and looking back, it looks different to her. A lot of faces just keep changing, including her own.

At first it is hard to notice. Overall, it is just super annoying for the viewers. So, the movie is mostly her being paranoid that the killer will come after her still, in case she does remember how to recognize him. The ending is reminiscent of the classic clone fight scenario. You know. When two people are identical and fighting, and you have to shoot one of them. But you may mess up!

Seriously. This isn’t spoilers. The movie has jerk boyfriends/friends, and a lot of Milla freaking out. I never really care about any other character in the movie. Just wanted the stupid concept movie to be over.

Now Progeria is a P based disease I would love a thriller movie about.

Originally I didn’t see Cracks as a movie that was coming out soon, and would have never even noticed it. But because Marry Me turned out to be a fake movie (a lifetime mini-series? fuck that), I had an open spot and stumbled upon this one!

Three fiances, Lucy Liu? I am calling whore on this.

Anyways, this is an independent “foreign” film, British, and based off of a book of the same name. I’d link you to the wiki, wiki has neither the book or author as a page. Hmmm. Seems not too popular.

It tells of an all girls boarding school, presumably high school level. Or I hope at least. I know what you’re thinking: All girl boarding school? Sounds like Lesbian central. Well, yeah. Felt like it to me at least. Even had an awkward (because they are supposed to be high school girls (I think)) scene where the big group went skinny dipping. Not actually, but portrayed as young titties anyone? The group of girls is a HS dive team, taught by the cool younger hip teacher. But a girl from Spain transfers over, far from her family, and is an excellent diver.

Kind of excellent at everything. Makes the other girls hate her. Jealousy! She gets attention! She is better than them! She should be punished!

The bad part of this movie is that the beginning is too slow. Sure, things happen, most of which are important, but they are at a slow more natural pace. Roughly 70 minutes in, out of 100, is where the real crazy shit happens. That last half hour is very much a series of OH SHIT moments, none of which I will tell you about. You might be able to guess everything that happens, from the earlier clues, but man is it intense.

The teacher is played by Eva Green who has done some things. Most recently she is Morgan in the new Camelot series.

So overall, great ending! Beginning far too slow. Good. Interesting. But still kind of slow. The British must think that Lesbian schools take awhile to get used to.

Yep. Lesbians. All of them.