Day: October 11, 2011

I hope everyone reading this review thinks the same thing I am thinking of. First, check out what Terri is. Hopefully your first thought is: Hey, is this the sequel to Angus?

Look at that bitches face on the left. She is shocked at the connection between the two movies as well.
That connection being fat people.

Okay so this movie has nothing to do with Angus. My bad.

Terri (played by Jacob Wysocki) is a very large 15 year old kid. Given his size, it should be obvious he doesn’t fit in and gets teased. It doesn’t help that his home life is a mess. Knowing nothing about his parents, he has to live with his old senile uncle. Creed Bratton of The Office! At this point he is only wearing his pajamas to school, and showing up late, while remaining super apathetic. Enter John C. Reilly, school principal.

John also ends up being kind of a guidance counselor, and sets up weekly meetings to meet with Terri. He also meets with other kids who are fucked up. Including Chad. Something is wrong with Chad. I hate Chad. If you watch this movie, Chad will make you sick too.

Thankfully (?) Terri also gets a friend, the hottie of the school, because no one else wants to talk to her after she got fingered in Home Ec.

Forcefully fingered.

The movie is full of awkward events, that make you hate and like the characters. It shows you that the people who try to help aren’t perfect. It shows that even the main characters can have deep seeded issues. And it really makes you hate Chad. Damn Chad. Just wanted to punch him in the face. But what makes this movie good? Despite being slow, it does in fact make you feel.

Watch out everyone! This film is secretly a foreign film!

I heard the Canadian barbarian tribes paint themselves before every ice fishing tournament.

Yep. A Canadian movie. That technically means foreign. The High Cost of Living is a pretty weird foreign indie film. The only notable star in it is of course Zach Braff, as he loves this kind of shit. This time instead he plays a drug dealing american in Ontario or Quebec. I think the latter. Because the other main star is a French Canadian lady. Who is many weeks pregnant!

Unfortunately, thanks to drugs, going down the wrong way of a street, and sudden contractions, Braff ends up hitting the woman in the middle of the night. He freaks out. Has drugs in the car, so flees and calls an ambulance. The woman loses her child from the accident. These aren’t spoilers, just the beginning.

What happens then is watching the woman feel super distant from her husband, who she thinks doesn’t care. Braff cares about what happened, so he tries underhanded means to get to know her and find out information, eventually becoming her friend.

Twisted, I know. As any movie with a secret like that, of course the truth will eventually come out near the climax, and you have to watch how they all deal with it.

The film counts as foreign, because at least 1/3 of it is probably subtitled for French Dialogue. Damn you sneaky subtitle movies!

The ending, while kind of predictable was neat. It teaches us that crime never pays.

Fast Five! The fifth Fast and the Furious movie! Whoa. That is a lot of movies. So much that they are just giving me an adjective and a number now.

I think I was told this would be the last one too. Fast Finale. But that is false, there is a 6 and 7 in the works already. Oh well, can’t say no to more money.

Especially when it stares you right in the eyes.

This begins right after where Fast & Furious left off, so it matters kind of for the plot. But really you can guess what happened and be fine not knowing. Due to a series of events, the gang (Vin Diesel and Paul Walker) are in Rio! They are also framed for killing some DEA or ATF or something agents. So bring on The Rock who wants to capture them.

In order to clear their names, they have to both rob a rich drug lord in Rio, and avoid being caught by the feds. They need help. So they call in everyone helpful from the last four movies. Including Ludacris! Everyone loves movies where there is a large cast working to steal something.

This shows “three armies” in the Hobbit Cartoon. Like Fast Five. I am explaining this, because I don’t think anyone would have gotten my joke.

This movie was a lot better than most of the other movies. It also comes before Fast3, which should be after Fast6. So don’t get confused at who is alive. The races were pretty much all outside. Nothing was too confusing. But if you want, try taking a shot every time someone falls from a height that should kill or injure them. That should get you pretty smashed.

Finally the review, maybe one of you was waiting for. After all, I kept talking about other actors in other movies being in Scream 4 as well, but never having a review for Scream 4. Might have made you rage.

I imagine that this is what my readers do on a daily basis.

Scream 4 takes place many years after the first Scream movie. Neve Campbell, Courtney Cox, and David Arquette all return as their same roles. Arquette and Cox are now married! Cox is no longer a reporter, but a writer. She wrote the Stab books that the Stab movies in the movie are based off of. Arquette is now Sheriff! And Campbell has wrote her own autobiography of the events, and is now famous again.

So famous that she is returning to the scene of the crime for the first stop in her book tour.

But then, TRAGEDY STRIKES!

And he left the comedy mask behind.

New Ghostface killer. New teens. New victims. New “rules”. Starring more new hottie hot hotties, such as Hayden Panettiere, Alison Brie, and Emma Roberts. Also includes smaller cameos from Kristen Bell, Anna Paquin, and Aimee Teegarden.

Holy shit clickable links. If you are keeping count and know Scream movies, you know a lot of those women are going to die. Not much else to say about a Scream movie. This is definitely better than Scream 3, but maybe on par with Scream 2. Not enough pop culture references for my liking. This will probably remain the only “horror” movie I review too.

There is no plot in this movie. No real plot. But because African Cats is narrated by Samuel L. Mother Fucking Jackson, there is a basic story. Unfortunately, this movie is rated G, so it is fun for everyone, and not just fun for me. Seriously. Think of all the great quotes that could have been in the movie.

“I’m sick of all these mother fucking cats, on these mother fucking plains.

My documentary reviews are always shorter. This tells of a lion pride, a rival lion pride with many male lions, and a single mom cheetah. We go through the lives of the baby cheetahs to their adulthood, and how they fend off attackers. For the first lion pride, there is a lame male lion, an old female lion, and their young cub. The evil lion pride wants to kill everyone. Or sex up the lionesses. Something like that.

The camera work and high definitionness is just so amazing though. I watched it on Blu-Ray, and it was sooooo pretty. Seriously. How the heck did they get those cameras so close to the cats? Are they automatic robot cameras? I really just don’t get it.

It is a short movie too. And family appropriate. And pretty. So check it out. You will be all, “Awwwwww”

If you didn’t know, each one of these movies does have a different title. This one has no “The” or “The” making it the 4th movie in the franchise. Only reason I went back to watch this one was because because Fast Five was coming out soon, and I want to see that one, while also making sure I don’t get confused with the plots.

Afterall, these movies are known for their hard hitting material and for making you think.

I might have missed something at the beginning, but does Vin Diesel kill the trucker in his first heist attempt of the movie? That’s horrible. I can’t feel good about Vin Diesel doing that cool car stuff, if some trucker doing his job gets killed because of it. What the hell, morals! [I have been told that the trucker may have jumped out of his truck. But he would have jumped out from a very fast moving truck, into a rocky/desert like ground. More than likely he died just from that as well, and not the resulting tumbling 18 wheeler of fiery doom. Still. Bad Morals, Vin.]

This movie tried to have more plot in it than 1/2. Not so much about street racing and thievery racing, but more about the FBI! And Mexico! And drug smuggling! And stopping the mentioned things (using street racing). If I can say anything, it is that this movie is definitely better than 2 Fast 2 Furious. That sucked. Not sure if it is is good as 1 and 3 though.

What probably lessened the enjoyment for me was the two underground tunnel racing/driving scenes. All that does to the situation is make it a lot more dangerous for them, but confusing for me. If they are pretty much in a tunnel, that I don’t know the route and map for, then I can’t anticipate, and I have to assume they are just driving fast in a straight line. Open world racing, much more exciting. Paul Walker was pretty much the same in this movie as he was in one. Working for the Man, and hating Vin Diesel.

The races were so bad, it is impossible to find a good picture of them, because no one cares.

2 out of 4.