Tag: Blumhouse’s Truth Or Dare

Blah blah blah, worst movies! boo bad movies!

So you know the drill, here are some honorable mentions. Honorable what?

(dis)HONORABLE MENTIONS:

Some of the worst movies of the year that did not make the list include the animated films Peter Rabbit and Sherlock Gnomes. Another documentary that did not make the list was Deadly Deception, Exposing The Dangers Of Vaccine, which only didn’t make it because under 100 people even saw it probably. Also films like The Nun and A-X-L as I haven’t even felt like writing them yet, as they are bad, but not bottom 15 bad.

15) Samson

How bad is Samson? Well, first off, it is the regular amount of bad. That is important to note. Second off, after seeing it, I wanted to make a whole theme week of Christian related films that I had missed. But that felt like torture, and I only ended up having 2 of the 5 films ready.

Then, I forgot to review it. I probably won’t. Let this stand as a review. This is a long film, made to look darker with filters for gritty realism or something, but it is one of the most boring films to try and get through. It is basically torture, similar to the torture that goes through the main character, except this torture is real.

14) Slenderman

A rushed film, with a lot edited out, and surprise, it makes the list! Trying to make horror films out of extremely modern things, memes, games, whatever always tends to turn out poorly. But why did this one turn out more poorly? It has no real scares and is just a mess.

Because of Joey King. If she is in a movie, that movie is going to be terrible. That has to be the rule at this point. Another of her recent horror films, Wish Upon, also made my worst of the year list. Coincidence? Or Joey King?

13) Show Dogs

Ah yes, a film with controversy. I saw the trailer for this film a long time ago, months before coming out as part of a market research group, and talked about how much shit this movie would be. And guess what, it was shit.

Grooming kids for sexual abuse aside, even the edited version doesn’t change a whole lot from the movie. We got all the fart jokes, all the poop jokes, all the things that make this seem like a 90’s TV movie and nothing else.

Every part of this film is bad, it has no redeeming qualities, and somehow ended up being the worst movie about dogs this year.

12) The Darkest Minds

Oh no, Amanda Stenberg, what are you doing? This is a film that came out in August, like a strange wannabe X-men, with terrible plot twists and a ridiculous explanation for…most things. And just a few months later, she came out as the lead in The Hate U Give, which made my best of the year list, and relatively high up.

Such a year of extremes for her. But for this movie, acting wasn’t the problem, just everything about the plot and ending and whatever we want to call between those things.

11) Fifty Shades Freed

Oh for goodness sake. It is finally over, done with, kaput! Donezo! Outta here!

The trilogy is done, and it ended out how the first few began. Poorly, without plot, with bad acting, and gratuitousness amounts of cuts in montages about boats.

What’s the next terrible franchise to fill this hole? I can only cry and stay up late at night wondering. Of course, they could always make spinoffs or more, probably takes about an hour to throw up one of these scripts.

10) The Nutcracker And the Four Realms

Ah good, with the final 10, I can include Disney films and feel like a badass.

I honestly can’t imagine how this film even made it out. It must have cost a bundle to make, with the effects, costumes, some high named actors. There are probably some ballet rights it had to afford too. They probably needed to release it assuming it would take a hit at the beginning, but get some nice streaming/tv rights in the future around Christmas time from TBS or something.

This is a film that is hard to follow, because it has a shit plot, and it should really feel bad about its effort.

9) Teen Titans Go! To The Movies

This movie is legitamately the only one I was mostly shocked to make it on the list. If you showed me posters/trailers whatever for the rest of these, I would have nodded my head “Yeah, I can see that sucking,” and not be shocked.

But a modern animated movie, made by a big studio, about a tv show? Worst of the year? You betcha.

This movie is basically the worst parts of the internet. This is the memes of movies, going for some ultra-meta thing, which really comes off as annoying, over, and over, and over again. Constantly reminding me you aren’t that original, with some fart jokes, is in no way a movie I will ever want to see again.

8) Blumhouse’s Truth or Dare

I believe this movie was one of the first 0 out of 4’s of the year for 2018. Besides having the unnecessary title, it does a lot wrong with its horror concept. Changing the rules randomly in the movie? That’s lazy. Not explaining why some people can have their turn skipped and it still messes with other people? That’s bad writing.

This film wanted to be the next Final Destination, but the scenarios are so stupid, and it is extremely hard for us to really care about the truths, it just is. They might make people mad, but certainly the viewers too, mad at the screen.

7) The Kissing Booth

Oh what’s this? A Netflix original film? That’s like picking on the runts of the litter, right? Like the kid with crutches who decided to play dodgeball.

But this film is important to bash and important to bring up. It has terrible relationship goals and highlights them in a positive life. Shit, that man is abusive in training, preventing others from talking to her, solving everything with violence.

Oh, wait, what’s that? The lead is…Joey King?! Twice in one year? Damn, in 2019 are you going for the Turkey?

6) The Misandrists

How the hell am I going to write about The Misandrists? How the hell did I already write about The Misandrists?

I rarely try to put titles up here that most people would have never heard about, but holy shit, this film is something else. I tried to go in with an open mind, I tried to see it as some cool feminist message. But this is a strange movie, that I could recommend to only one person and that is it.

I mean, the idea is original? That’s a plus?

5) Hotel Transylvania 3

A lot of animated films have hit trilogy status lately, and most of them are terrible. Cars 3, Despicable Me 3, This one, maybe some more this year, who knows. And this one is really bad.

It didn’t have a good idea for a plot, and spent most of the time…well, being bad. It is just a vehicle for all these actors to act silly, and introduce nothing important to the franchise, and bog us down with the Macarena.

This is the worst animated movie of 2018.

4) Mortal Engines

Possibly the most ambitious movie on this list, Mortal Engines had Peter Jackson involved! Okay, not really, but his name was attached a bit and some of his money!

Trying to be the next big teenage dystopian film franchise, this went for a story that could only be made by shredding up dollars at actors and CGI artists until something close to competent appeared on the film strip. And even though they shred a lot of money, what we got was still an ugly mess and what should be one of the biggest horror stories when it comes to box office bombs this year.

Not every book needs a movie, nor can every book be a movie. This should have been left entirely on the cutting room floor.

3) The 15:17 to Paris

Hey, you know what people like? Real stories! You know what else people like? Heroes!

So let’s make a real story about heroes! And since people like heroes, let’s let them play themselves! Save money on actors, get those true accounts, and it will feel authentic.

And that is how The 15:17 to Paris was made. And that is how in a movie that is about a scene that only takes a few minutes to happen, we get to see non-actors pretending they are traveling around Europe and seeing the sights for the first time. Most of this movie is them traveling and getting to the train. What kind of trash do they think we want to watch? Holy shit, just make a documentary, but this is not something that should be okay to produce.

The worst biography, drama, action film of the year.

2) The Happytime Murders

Speaking of movies that should have never been made (most of this list), we have a movie that COULD have actually been good based on the initial idea, but the execution made it one of the worst. They said they wanted to make an adult movie with muppets. Apparently adult just means have some sex and violence, with a weak plot, and extremely weak jokes.

Adult movies could have had a comedy with some nuance. It could have had a wide variety of humor levels, it could have deal with real issues still. Instead, this adult movie was made for no one except the pre-teens who want to watch things like this to feel edgy. A very small fraction of the Deadpool fan club.

In any normal year, it would have been the worst film of the year, easy, hands down. Instead, it is just the worst comedy, and worst mystery. And worst use of muppets.

1) Death of a Nation

Okay, okay, if using a Netflix movie was cheating, then this sort of film to end the list is most definitely cheating. If Dinesh D’Souza makes a documentary in a year (which at this point has been every other year), then of course, of course his documentary will probably be the worst thing put together in that year. I think generally he has made this list, and usually near the top if not the top.

But just because something always happens, doesn’t mean that it shouldn’t happen again if it deserves it. There is a joke about Tom Brady in there somewhere.

The documentary is trash, lies, and worst of all, it is repetitive from his previous work. It isn’t even full of new lies, its the same boring old ones and stories that don’t matter in the slightest.

Get this trash out of our universe.

Thanks for reading! If you disagree with part of this list, let me know. If there is something I missed, let me know (but I probably saw it and reviewed it on this very site!

And as always, I accept hate mail via the post office, email, or tweets.

April is rarely seen as the month for horror films. Usually it is the month for sports movies, or dramas, or I guess now super hero movies.

I hope Truth or Dare is successful, but while definitely going strong on the Truth or Dare aspect. I don’t want it to be an introduction piece and then oh no, killer, lets freak out. I need it to last the whole film.

I hope it introduces a franchise of party game horror films. I want to see the follow ups of Never Have I Ever, Spin the Bottle, Suck and Blow, and of course culminating to the film where all the pieces come together: Seven Minutes In Heaven.

Note, none of this relates to the movie Would You Rather, which came out half a decade ago. But they might try and remake it to add it to the fold, with a new, sexier cast.

I’d like to think part of the audition process for this film was to try and make that face naturally.

Down in Mexico, we have curses, because, Mexico I guess. Some sort of xenophobic nonsense.

Our hero of this is Olivia (Lucy Hale), a good person, she builds houses, cares about the greater good and all of that silly stuff. She planned on doing good things over spring break, but her BFF Markie (Violett Beane) sort of forces her to join them down in Mexico! Last Spring Break before their friend group moves on and gets old and less friendly.

They do things, have a great time, and eventually Olivia meets Carter (Landon Liboiron), an intelligent individual clearly, like her. They are about to leave but they agree to follow him to a cool place to have some more fun. Yay mysteries!

Sure enough, Carter gets the uneasy group to pretend to be middle schoolers and play a rousing game of Truth or Dare. Everyone goes around the circle, doing a dare or spilling their beans, until we learn the truth from Carter. He brought in the group to force them to join this game, to hopefully free himself from its cure. They are haunted now, and if they refuse the task given to them, then they will die. If they lie, they die. And if they refuse to play, well…

Starring as the rest of the main friend group: Tyler Posey, Sophia Ali, Nolan Gerard Funk, and Hayden Szeto. Also starring Gary Anthony Williams, Brady Smith, and Sam Lerner.

And here is another one for good measure.

You know what can make a good horror film? Believable actors, for one. The situations don’t have to be too believable. I can suspend my belief in a movie for scary aliens, monsters, demons, ghosts, ex lovers, possessed things, invincible serial killers, whatever. Sure. As long as it makes sense in that world. But if they introduce things and seemingly just change things on the go, and give no real fucks about the events? Well, that is shitty.

In this scenario, it takes far too much time for everyone to get on board with what is happening. I think two of the friends need to die before people start realizing that something bad is happening. We just get to watch friends argue and get mad about spoiling each others shit up with the truth. And afterwards? Well, it is mostly friends still being dumbasses as a group.

First of all, this movie is all over the place. With one of the dares that occurs, it feels like a really poor final destination movie, and then never really goes back to that concept. “Why don’t they just all say truth?” Well because they suck. And the movie wanted to add rules later on. This movie plays out the dumb scenario of turning a dare into telling the truth as well, just because. We have characters who over and over again get upset over the truth, but they know that if the truth wasn’t said, their friend would die. But who cares right?

The ending is the lowest point of the film, so its interesting they decide to leave us with a sour taste in our mouths. After a scene where our heroes try and get the upper hand, we find out that it still didn’t work as planned. Then they try one more plan which, as previously established earlier in the movie, won’t do shit for them at all.

I am going to put some spoilers here. The previous Truth or Dare group hoped that by putting new people in the group they would be freed. It did not, it just made it bigger. They still had to do the question just the others didn’t know about it. And despite being merged groups, they only bring up these facts when it is convenient, in lazy writing. For some reason one of them can’t do it if he is alone? Even though they have shown others have to do it when alone? For some reason order only matters for this group, and the others can just be asked when convenient for the plot? It basically shows that the two groups have their own games on it and don’t actually affect each other, meaning adding more people will not buy you any time, because your game is still limited to those players. And yet that is just what our “heroes” try to do at the end. Get more time. With this terrible, terrible, strategy, all they did was fuck over others, while also dooming themselves right after the credits role anyways.

It is just such a goddamn stupid movie. It is never really well established. When they exposition us enough in the film to try and piece it together, it just doesn’t really grok well. The strange face thing wasn’t good, wasn’t scary, and just seemed silly. So many jump scares that were pointless and lazy. And again, it is just very stupid.

I wouldn’t dare my worst enemy to watch even half of this movie. That’s the truth.

0 out of 4.