Tag: Essence Atkins

Here is a fun fact! At the current theater I go to see movies, there are only two franchises that have fit a very specific criteria. That criteria is me seeing the first movie and its sequel in the same theater. The first time it happened was with the first two hobbit movies, but it is debatable that it counts given LOTR.

The other two, obviously, are A Haunted House and A Haunted House 2.

Guess this franchise has a special little place in my heart. Awww.

Oh, it also has Gabriel Iglesias. Way better than Nick Swardson.

This movie takes place immediately after the first one. Basically, it quickly deals with Kisha (Essence Atkins) then moves to a year later. Malcolm (Marlon Wayans) is now dating a white woman (Jaime Pressly) who has kids (Ashley Rickards, Steele Stebbins) and about to move into a new place with her.

Guess what? Fucked up shit starts happening again. There is a doll. There is a strange box. There are invisible friends. Shit is haunted again.

Of course no one believes him. Even his past friends Father Williams (Cedric the Entertainer) and cousin Ray Ray (Affion Crockett) seem unwilling to help.

Also staring Missi Pyle and Hayes MacArthur as a priest and a psychic couple, and Rick Overton as a professor of demonology.

This is not the first nor the second time in movies he has done a scene like this in a movie.

This could be the first time I saw a horror spoof of this nature and actually saw everything it parodied. The Possession, Sinister, Paranormal Activity, The Conjuring, some Insidious. Maybe more!

Look, this movie isn’t Oscar gold. It also isn’t perfect. But it has a lot of funny moments in it regardless. Shit, it also had some scary scenes in it. I didn’t expect everything that happened.

Really, Marlon Wayans puts a lot of his self into these movies. He actually has to do a lot of physical stuff in some of it. Sure, parts of it are just gross overexaggerated/long/ridiculous sex scenes. But he definitely gives it his all, leaving nothing on the table. Not everything works. No, it feels about 50-50 to me. But the things that did work had me laughing like crazy.

It has its share of poop jokes, of course. But not everything is a bad poop joke.

This movie, like its predecessor, is still miles ahead of the last few Scary Movie movies. In terms of Horror spoofs, it isn’t on a tier similar to something like Tucker and Dale VS Evil, but it has its niche and it is pretty good at filling that niche.

“What the fuck is this shit?”

That might be you, if you had a vulgar filthy mouth. But I heard someone say that when I first saw a trailer for A Haunted House. “Did they forget to name it Scary Movie 5?!”

Of course not, it isn’t the same franchise. Especially since Scary Movie 5 is coming out in April. I am sure you know that after Scary Movie 2, the Wayans brothers left the franchise (As the major writers/producers) and went on to do their own thing. That explains how bad the rest of them were, and five will probably be.

But that doesn’t mean they can’t do horror spoofs, even though this one is jut Marlon Wayans, damn it. Sucks to be Scary Movie though, since both of these are parodying Paranormal Activity.

“All of these parodies make me so angry!”

Malcolm (Wayans) is pumped. The woman of his dreams, Kisha (Essence Atkins) is about to move into his house. Life couldn’t be better. Until it immediately suck. Living with a woman isn’t as sexy as he hoped. Plus, she hates his maid, poor old Rosa (Marlene Forte).

But then weird things start to happen. Meaning her keys weren’t where she left them. OH NOESSSSSS. So they install nice cameras, from Dan the Security Man (David Koechner) and his assistant Bob (Dave Sheridan). They also happen to be ghost hunters.

Why the fuck am I still describing this? We know the plot, its a parody. Who is what though may matter. Nick Swardson plays a psychic, Cedric the Entertainer a priest, and Andrew Daly / Alanna Ubach play a couple who might be into some extra curriculars.

I labeled both pictures as Ahh Ahhhh. AHH is the movie acronym, and ahhhh describes each one. Hooray!

A Haunted House was exactly what I expected. As a bonus, it was also rated R. The first two Scary Movies were also rated R, and I didn’t hate them. But when the Wayans left and it went PG-13, I thought it was pointless drivel.

Does AHH have a lot of that too? Yeah maybe. But also a few amusing scenes. Sure, there are some art jokes, ome thug jokes, some joke about a gay man hitting on a straight man. But hey, these can be guilt pleasures. I generally did laugh out loud at certain scenes, and thought there was at least a couple of unexpected scenes. If you are going to watch this movie, you know exactly what you are going to get.

So yeah, fuck it, have an average rating. Welcome back Marlon!

From just the cover, this movie N-Secure looks like some crazy action movie.

Action PACKED

But guess what? As you have guessed with the tags, it is not. It is not only a drama movie, but an overly dramatic drama movie. So much drama! And such bad acting.

This movie stars Cordell Moore who has one of the lamest IMDB pages I have ever seen. I think he looks like Barry Gordy from The Temptations movie, and was sad to see they are different people. This guy is a controlling freak. Over the movie it shows his relationship with three women, Essence Atkins (the sister in Smart Guy!), Denise Boutte and Tempestt Bledsoe (Yes THAT one).

First with Essence and maybe fathering a child, and finishing with Denise. The movie begins with him walking in on Essence maybe cheating on him with another man, despite their wedding soon. So he flips a shit. Says the child is the other guys. And may have the other guy killed. Maybe. Did I mention Cordell is rich? Dude has a mansion. He pampers his girls, but only if they follow his every rule.

I am talking making lists for what they can and can not do in their relationship. Having to call him at a certain time when leaving work and coming straight to him. Having to even ask to answer the phone.

I guess because of the cheating he is a bit…insecure. Even though Denise realizes this relationship is bad, she is afraid to leave it. Thankfully, with them working together, they can really end Cordell for good. And legally.

So yeah. Spoilers? You aren’t going to watch this movie after all. They end up killing him during his fit of rage and get it wiped off for self defense. Yay.

What a killer instinct! I knew it all along. (Okay, she wasn’t there for the death).

So yeah. This movie was terrible. Pacing was weird. And it just felt like watching someone be abused for most of the movie, and you know, not calling the cops and stuff. It is just way over the top dramatic, and definitely wasn’t a role suited for this guy who has never really been in anything. Also the title? N-Secure? There is no reason from the movie to why it should be that over Insecure. None. That is dumb. Don’t be dumb movie.