Tag: Amanda Seyfried

I was very excited when I first saw the trailer for Epic. The music is perfect, not a lot is spoiled, it looks beautiful, and looks like a great new franchise.

You know what I don’t like? The title. You know how hard it is to look up things about Epic? Don’t just search the title, you will get dumb internet images. “Epic Movie” is out, because of a bad movie having that exact same name. I had to resort to searching for “Epic <character/actor name” to get anything close to finding suitable images or posts. Come on people, think about the ease of finding your movie before you name it. Unfortunately, it was also made by Blue Sky Productions, who haven’t really made anything I really loved, their last effort being Ice Age 4: Continental Drift.

Just look at how sexy those birds are. Mmmmhmm.

This movie begins with death! Death before the film takes place (this is a PG movie). MK (Amanda Seyfried) is en route to her fathers house in the middle of the woods. She is almost 18, but her mother just died, and so she has to go live with her dad, who is basically a stranger to her. You see, Professor Bomba (Jason Sudeikis) believes there is a hidden ecosystem in these woods, hidden from human eyes. They react on a faster plane, like flies, so humans can’t really see them because they are always moving so…fast. Yeah, he went crazy and his wife left him. Happens all the time.

But holy tiny men, Bomba is right! In fact, it is a special day, the Summer Solstice on the same night as the Full Moon! Time for the Queen (Beyonce Knowles) to pick a new heir for the next 100 years. After all, only the queen can restore life to the forest if the evil Mandrake (Christoph Waltz) of the Boggarts (swamp/decay creatures) come to mess things up.

The leaf men won’t let that happen! Ronin (Colin Farrell) has sworn to protect her, but young Nod (Josh Hutcherson) is making things difficult by quitting. After some bad things happen, MK finds herself in the woods and magically gets shrunk down to their size. Now she is in the middle of a forest civil war, with the threat of 100 years of swamps on the horizon.

Of course, this could all be some sort of PTSD after her mom’s death for all we know. Chris O’Dowd and Aziz Ansari play a snail and slug, respectfully, Pitbull a frog, and Steven Tyler a glowworm.

“No shell over here baby, I’m a slug” – Aziz. Possibly my new favorite line ever, and I don’t know why.

Epic is loosely based on the children’s book (that no one has heard of), The Leaf Men and the Brave Good Bugs. Basically, it took the character ideas, and made an original story. The plot itself isn’t the most exciting or original, and was filled with certain plot holes that made me shutter.

But it’s pretty, though.

One of my biggest complaints is inconsistencies in a movie. In this case, what is the real difference between a tiny human, a plant/animal human hybrid, and an actual plant or animal.

It’d be simple if all animals and plants could talk and be human-like in this movie, but we have frogs and snails that can talk perfectly, living out their lives and jobs, right next to birds who are just 100% animal, no voice. We have flowers that are just flowers, right next to some flowers that run around, gossip, and have arms and legs. Where is the balance? How does this work?

With the leaf men, they aren’t leaves at all. They are basically tiny humans, with just leaf armor as clothing. Nothing else in the forest outside of the queen appears to be a tiny human, so I found it all confusing.

But it’s pretty, though.

Epic ended up being just an average film, not living up to its (poor) title. If you ignore how confusing the world ends up being, it is a cute tale that is outrageously incredible to look at.

“Hey, it’s a kids movie, stop thinking so deeply about the world!”. No, that is a bad excuse, and leads to movies like Cars 2.

The Big Wedding. Oh goodness me.

The trailer tells the story pretty clear.

The filmmakers are a bunch of racists.

What? How did I get that out of the trailer? Well, the plot is about a family who adopted a kid, who is finally about to get married. His mom is coming to visit, but his adopted family is divorced, and she wouldn’t be able to understand that because she is super Catholic. So they just have to pretend to be married!

The trailer then shows off the giant cast and tells us who everyone is, except for said guy getting married. WHAT? So here’s to you, Ben Barnes. You get a spot up top, and the first picture.

But you have to share it with Amanda Seyfried, because these are my rules, damn it.

Ah shit, I just explained the plot in like, two sentences. Whoops. Well the good news is, the divorce wasn’t bad. Sure, Don (Robert De Niro) might have cheated on Elle (Diane Keaton), but they agreed it was for the best, still raised wonderful kids, and still loved each other. Sure, it was Elle’s best friend who did it too, Bebe (Susan Sarandon), and that they have been together for over a decade, but it isn’t weird.

But hey, Alejandro (Ben Barnes) isn’t the only child causing problems. They have two actual children of their own, Lyla (Katherine Heigl) and Jared (Topher Grace). The former, a lawyer in Chicago, going through a tough time with her long term boyfriend, hates her dad for cheating, and can’t have kids. Jared, a baby doctor, who is still a virgin to save himself from marriage, but totally willing to lose it should the right woman arrive.

Yeah, basically a giant shit storm. That isn’t the half of it. I just don’t want to spoil it all. Robin Williams plays the priest, because why not, and Ana Ayora gets naked. These are important things to note, because you know, it is rated R.

Rated R you say? Yeah, Robert does R rated films a lot! So that isn’t surprising. This isn’t your daddy’s wedding movie. Unless you are 2-3 years old, then it is likely that your dad is the target audience. Also, get off this website, there is fucking language and talk of naked ladies.

Here comes the shock of the century week. I enjoyed this movie. Like, a decent amount. I laughed, I loved the twists, it didn’t feel forced, and the chemistry between this giant group of actors was great. Shit, everyone seemed to be having such a great time with the movie, and weren’t disappointed to be stuck with some lame new movie about marriage. Obviously, yes, it looks like shit, but I think it has a lot of heart.

This isn’t the kind of movie I could watch again and again, but I am pleased with how it all turned out and think worth a gander. Well, depends on what a gander is. I think some sort of bird.

Audiences rejoice! There is finally a Les Miserables movie! Alright, so personally I haven’t been waiting a long time, just a year max. I mostly was excited about the cast! I like musicals, but never really heard the music in this one. I did give the 25th Anniversary soundtrack a listen a few times, just to be familiar with the songs, but I had no idea what was happening plot wise.

But apparently Hugh Jackman gets to sport a killer beard.

The plot? It is anything but simple. The main plot line is about Jean Valjean (Hugh Jackman), Prisoner 24601, getting paroled after 19 years in a post revolution France. What did he do? Stole a bit of bread. Sucks. Either way, he breaks the parole after turning his life around for God, hoping to be a better man. But breaking the parole is a another crime, meaning he must be on the run his whole life from Officer Javert (Russell Crowe) who follows the law to the letter, regardless of circumstances.

There are however many more plotlines, including the fall of a factory worker, Fantine (Anne Hathaway), into prostitution, in order to provide money for her daughter Cosette (eventually Amanda Seyfried). Well, Jean Valjean agrees to look after the daughter, but has to remain on the run. Eventually it is the 1832 Paris Uprising, which adds in a love story between Cosette, Marius (Eddie Redmayne), a freedom fighter, and Eponine (Samantha Barks). Sacha Baron Cohen and Helena Bonham Carter provide comic relief as innkeepers/beggers, and Aaron Tveit as the leader of the student revolution.

Eddie Redmayne. Turns out he has a decent singing voice, despite not even knowing who the heck he was before this movie.

Alright, so I rushed through the plot to talk about the actual movie. Interestingly enough, the music in the movie was not done off set with the actors miming like most musicals, but sung during the shoots and recorded that way. You know, like an actual theatrical musical! It really gave the film a bit more of a raw emotional feel to it. What was more impressive in that department when they had really really long shots, so you knew that they just sang the entire song in one go. When Hathaway dreamed that dream, I cried due to the shear emotion in that song and scene.

A lot of bad talk has been given to Russell Crowe, who is obviously not a Broadway caliber singer, but I thought his unpolished voice brought a lot of personality into his role, and he felt a bit more real because of it.

But this was Jackman’s movie to win or lose, and he put on quite a performance, that sly dog. From the bearded warrior, to a mayor, to a runaway, to a freedom fighter, he is everywhere, and his performance was phenomenal.

If I had one major complaint, it would be that the ending felt a little bit hokey to me. Just a bit, still made me cry though.

Gone is pretty much like Taken.

You know, if the main character is a young adult women, not an older man.

And if the younger sister is taken, not the daughter.

And if the main character has no training in any government field.

And if it takes place in a small town not half of France.

And — okay, not much like Taken.

Next thing you know I will be comparing everything to Top Gun.

Amanda Seyfried is just a girl. She works the night shift at a local diner, and lives at home with her younger sister, Emily Wickershaw. Possible drug use is happening. And vague references to a park. But why? Well, two years ago Seyfried was abducted from her house, and allegedly thrown in a hole in the middle of the forest. She wasn’t alone, bu there was bones too. She was trapped all day, but at night, heard a voice saying that it was time to die, and managed to escape when the mysterious man got her out of the hole. Since then she has lived her life in fear.

Unfortunately the local police don’t believe her story. Couldn’t find the hole, no signs of any abuse, and other complications. She was even put into a mental hospital for the story (severe!). But she lives with the sister now, and after getting home in the morning (and after some weird encounters with her coworker, Jennifer Carpenter) she finds her sister…missing! Based on very little evidence, she knows for a fact that the abductor has come back and meant to get her, but instead found just her sister.

Of course none of the detectives (Daniel Sunjata and Katherine Moenning) really believe her, but the new guy, Sebastian Stan kind is willing to believe her. Even though she has only been gone for hours, not really a missing person case. But Seyfried is freaking out, knowing that the killer “kills at night (from her one time being there)” and that she is running out of time!

So using what little she is given, she follows clues, and talks to many people who seem to remember an awful lot about their previous day, hoping to catch the killer in time. Wes Bentley also plays Emily’s boyfriend. Tons of other guy actors I know in this film, but you know, don’t want to give away which ones are important and which ones are not.

But will these strangely placed convenient clues and people who know way too much information, will they lead her to the killer? Or will she run into a trap? Or is she just making it all up again?

Or will her life revolve around a series of flashbacks that could be fake? Fakebacks.

For a film I didn’t even hear about until I saw it for sale (when I was going to pick up my copy of Goon), I was surprised that I liked it that much. Honestly, I assumed the only reason it was even supposed to be a big movie was because of Amanda Seyfried. I couldn’t recognize any of the actors on it besides her (and until I watched it, when I obviously knew Jennifer Carpenter).

But I thought it was nicely done. Seyfried’s acting was great, and had to carry the film. Lots of red herrings. Believable enough plot, but very believable ending. The police chase throughout the film wasn’t as believable. Tons of bumbling idiot cops I guess. And it also didn’t feature tons of shots of Seyfried kicking ass or anything. Mostly running away, and being sneaky.

I’d definitely say its worth a watch.

In Time is a movie with a great science fiction plot, but going more the yay action movie route. This disappointed me, I will tell you up front. I think this movie could have been a LOT better had it focused more on some of the cool aspects of the world. Only thing we really know is that it is the future and somehow, the time stuff happened.

What time stuff? When people get 25 in this world, they stop aging physically…somehow. At that point they have a year on their time that counts down, they can accumulate the time, or spend it. No currency, people just spending and selling their own time. So some people who were born into wealth have thousands to millions of years available, so they can live forever. And stay young to boot.

Which is why this should make you uncomfortable. This is a rich guys mother in law, wife, and daughter, in that order.

Justin Timberlake is your everyday average guy. Living with his mom, because his dad died long ago, he is working with other people at the factories in a lesser time zone. His friend, Johnny Galecki (who they don’t even try to make look 25) is also struggling. Him and his mom, Olivia Wilde, are living day to day. That is until…

Some hot shot with a century of time hangs around the bar! JT saves him and, while he is asleep, the mysterious guy gives him most of his 100 years, except for the last 5 minutes. When he walks away to die, they assume it is JT’s fault. They being the time keepers, aka the police, and especially Cillian Murphy, who has been doing this for over 50 years.

Eventually, after some plot points, and questionable actions, JT decides its time to go all the way up to the big times. The best Time Zone. He is good at gambling, so he wins himself a lot more years. He also gets to meet Vincent Kartheiser, who is kind of the richest man ever, apparently. He also meets his daughter, Amanda Seyfried, if you know what I mean. It takes awhile to recognize that it is Seyfried too. In case you didn’t know, the chick on the right in the earlier picture is her.

So yeah. More stuff happens. Run from the law. Down with the man. Destroying the society. More people die. Questionable ending. And done!

Also running. Lots and lots of running.

I really wanted this movie to be awesome, but I had some issues with it. One was the lack of any real information to how this society could be formed. It also seems pretty unstable. For some reasons these people in the poor areas are just going to keep having kids, despite the fact that they will be pushing them into a life of poverty that they cannot climb out of, and early death, so to speak. So eventually the “workers” should all die out, and pretty quickly, leaving only the rich and no way for their society to work.

Also, the motives of JT were questionable. After an early “oh man, sad!” event, movie watchers couldn’t even dwell on the sadness. Because the next scene was already happening. The evidence the timekeepers have that makes them initially question JT is crap, because it also shows his innocence. Then every once in awhile, I didn’t know what was going on. The final “running scene” which also involved a very unwarranted death of a character, was confusing because we had no reason what they were running too.

Unless they were just running into confusion. So I think a lot of the film could have been better, but as it is, pretty disappointed.

You can really learn a lot about the world with movies. Not the bull crap happy ending stuff, and many other lines. But simple things! Like expressions. I never heard of a Dear John Letter before (or I might have in Serious Moonlight, but can’t remember). Those are letters telling your lover your breaking up with them, usually for some other lover. That adds more meaning to this movie title (Dear John, no shit). I think about that expression and I think “Man…people do dear john texts now. Even less effort.”.

“Now if only knew how to read…”

Let me just say that this is my favorite Nicholas Sparks movie based off one of his books. That being said, I still have only seen two, this one and The Last Song. Which I hated. So it didn’t have much to beat. The Notebook I own just…haven’t gotten around to watching it yet.

Channing Tatum starts off the movie being in the army and getting shot. He is narrating at this point, and tells of a story of him going to the US Mint when he was a child. He had a fascination for coins as a kid, and became a collector. Flash back time!

John starts off at a beach, meets Amanda Seyfried. She is in Wilmington, NC (whaaat) where he lives for spring break. In that small break, they “fall in love”. She even loves his dad (Richard Jenkins), who seems kind of crazy and invested most of their money into coins. Kind of obsessively.

A lot of this movie takes place a long time ago, like late 90s, early 2000s. Once she goes back to school they decide to write letters to each other. Once he goes back into the army the letters keep coming, albeit at a lesser pace. John feels a sense of duty to remain in the army after the 9/11 attacks, and constantly reenlists, but possibly just to escape his home life. He also gets mad at Amanda for suggesting his dad has Autism, just was never treated as such because back then, what was Autism? Just weirdness.

Eventually she sends him a Dear John letter, breaking up with him for someone else she grew to love. Fuck that shit. He re-enlists again, despite getting shot. After some more years of not talking, he finds out that his dad had a stroke and is in serious condition.

Can he forgive his dad for the years of awkward growing up in poverty, due to his obsession? Will he ever find Seyfried again (and you know, win her back despite the fact that she is married)? When will he ever leave the army? What the hell is up with all these coins?

“They’re mine! Mine I tells ya! (Hiss!)”

What surprised me about this movie is the layers. It is not very simple and obvious, like The Last Song (which also was pretty cheesy). It has a lot more serious stuff going on, and not everything is as peachy. The plot lines between JOhn and Seyfried, John and home (with his dad), John in the army, all interweave pretty snazzylike, and I thought that was great of writer.

Obviously the acting wasn’t that great. I think Tatum needs to learn how to make his big face show more emotion. Seyfried could have probably been any girl in this movie. Half of her lines were just narrating the letters they sent. Jenkins was great as “old man who is dying and confused and autistic” though. But ehh. Everything else could have been better.

Chloe was “voted” to be my next review, so the last thing I would hope to do is piss off my readers. Even though everyone who voted for this probably already saw it, and thus don’t really need a review on it. People are probably doing this to judge me, and make sure I think like they think! Ahh! Pressure!

Oh yes. Sorry. Back on topic.

Movie begins with Liam Neeson, being all college professor like. Apparently the kids love him, cause he is a swell guy. He has to deny going out to dinner with a few of the students, because it is his birthday, and he must fly home! But he misses his flight. Which is bad because his wife, Julianne Moore, had a big party planned for him. Oh well, its not like he was cheating on her right? Right?

Right?

Well out at dinner the next day, she runs into Amanda Seyfried, who is a call girl (named Chloe!!) of some sort. After a few other “moments”, Julianne is convinced Liam is cheating on her and has a thing for younger girls. After all, when men get older they get handsomer, and women just get “old”. So she hires Chloe to bump into Liam at a breakfast area, and see if he does anything. Well he does. He talks with her for a bit.

This enrages Julianne so she sends her off to do it again, to make sure. But not go too far with it! Well too far happens. Sexy time might happen. But the descriptions are pretty hot? Julianne both hates it, but gets turned on by it. Whaat. Good thing they don’t have a son or something, that would make all of this more awkward. Oh wait, Max Thieriot plays their teen angsty son, discovering sex for himself.

Don’t let that scarf fool you. He is cool, because he plays hockey in the movie.

So, there’s a lot of talk about sex, and actions involving sex in this movie. Also a lot more Julianna Moore boobage than I expected (which was actually nothing). All of the Seyfried boobage, except maybe once, was stunt doubled. Obviously if you hate sex, or talk about sex, you will hate this movie.

I kind of guessed where it was going, and it was pretty serious. But I didn’t expect everything that happened. The acting great for the two main female leads. Liam Neeson and the son weren’t as important to the crazy wife and the call girl. Both of which open up pretty emotionally.

The only thing I really don’t get his Neeson as a professor. I can’t tell what is going on with him. He has to fly a plane to get to his home at the beginning, so I assume he works far away. But throughout the movie he keeps having to go to class, meet with teachers, etc. And it seems like he is in walking or driving distance. I figured he could have been on a long break at first, but still having to work at break? Maybe he just flies in and out daily. Yeah. That makes more sense.

Before you get confused, Letters to Juliet and Dear John are different movies. Both are romantic comedies starring Amanda Seyfried with “letter” themes. Or at least I assume Dear John has that in it. But Dear John is a Nicholas Sparks book/movie, while Letters To Juliet came out…well damn, after Dear John and in the exact same year.

What the hell Amanda Seyfried?

“Oh, my bad.”

Amanda is a fact-checker for a new york newspaper! Oh man! But she wants to be a writer. Too bad. Oliver Platt don’t care. She is going on an early honeymoon with fiance, Gael Garcia Bernal, to Italy! For he is Italian and opening an Italian restaurant in NYC and needs to meet with suppliers. But when they get there, it seems like he only wants to do work. For shame!

Amanda scurries around on her own, bored, and finds the “Juliet House” from that Shakespeare thing. For some reason, a whole bunch of women write romantic queries to Juliet and hope she responds. A group of women write letters back with advice, because they are bored. She finds a 50 year old letter, and decides to respond.

A week later, very British Christopher Egan appears on her doorstop. Oh, with his grandmother, played by Vanessa Redgrave. She has determined to return to Italy and find her long lost love when she was 15, and see if he remembers her. Amanda agrees to go on the journey with him, since her fiance doesn’t mind, as they travel the country looking for the right old dude.

As you can imagine, the thought of old people love and growing old with the person you actually love is discussed a lot. Turns out Amanda doesn’t love the husband that cares about his restaurant more than her (Selfish). So yes. Another movie where a woman travels and changes her mind about marriage, choosing another foreign person.

I knew this would happen! Why did I watch this movie in the first place?!

This is NOT an answer.

Only a few moments did I find amusing. At the end, where the balcony scene was “accidentally recreated” before Amanda officially started to get it on with British dude was pretty funny though. After all, NYC is kind of overrated.

For some reason (not that one, damn it) I did find this one more enjoyable. I thought they were good together chemistry wise, and the old woman love story was fantastic. So it is decent, you know, for a RomCom.

Jennifer’s Body is listed in the Comedy section at Blockbuster. I think that statement is enough to show how the general public perceives this “supposed to be horror but also kinda not ish” movie.

But this movie is brought to us by the same girl who wrote Juno! It must be good! But if the same level of writing was used in both movies, it is clear what made Juno work was the actors and actresses involved, not the script.

Both movies cater to a different fetish group though.

In Jennifer’s Body, we have two friends, Megan Fox as Jennifer, and Amanda Seyfried as ‘Needy’. Dumb nick name, probably alludes to something. They used to be best friends, from the “sandboxes” of yore, and in high school, they still get along great. You know, despite the huge slutty cheerleader-ness of Jennifer, and the dorky whatever-ness of Needy. Needy has a steady boyfriend though, in Johnny Simmons, and is taking it slow.

But they go to the only bar in town to see some indie band play a gig, named Low Shoulder, with the frontman being played by Adam Brody. I have been told he was trying to imitate the lead singer of The Killers with his performance, but I really couldn’t say! Anyways, a FIRE happens, and a person dies in it at the bar! Next thing Needy knows, Jennifer has disappeared with the band, and has no idea whats going on. Then later she appears at her door, all being creepy and covered in blood!

Egads!

Then some people die in the school, namely boys. Who is doing it? Well, Jennifer is. Because she is some demon now, and only Needy seems to realize it. It is like the girl she used to know, is no longer there, but what has remained is Jennifer’s…body. Oh yeah, if you want to see both JK Simmons in his ugliest and worst role ever, this would be a great thing to pick up.

In a movie that has gore, death, Megan Fox acting, this is still the grossest thing.

So, somehow, according to the writer, this is a movie about women empowerment. But I get absolutely nothing like that. All I see is a movie trying to use T&A to sell tickets/dvds, with a pretty dumb and badly acted plot. Oddly enough, one of the reasons Megan Fox didn’t like working in Transformers is because she thought she was being exploited for her looks. Huh. Then she did this movie? Glad you have your priorities straight.

I need Amanda Seyfried to get out of these dumb teen movies right away. She was funny in Mean Girls, and was one of the stars in Mamma Mia!, but then she did this and Red Riding Hood? Stop it right now Amanda.

I have also heard this referred to as “Twilight for Boys” in the good way. What?? That would be assuming that guys only care about “hot” looking womens in their movies, nothing more. Clearly this is just offensive to guys (which may be pro women empowerment? Who knows.

OoohhhhhhOooohhHhOOHHHHH. (That is ghost noises).

A retelling of the classic Red Riding Hood tale. For some reason the advertises of this movie made sure everyone knew that the people who did this movie also did Twilight. Clearly setting itself up for a not so serious movie.

The story stars Amanda Seyfried, who can be great and sing, but neither of these things really happen in this movie. She lives in a village where it always is winter and near a dark forest (I assume). They used to be attacked by a werewolf, but it stopped when she was a kid. She fell in love with a woodcutter, but he is lame and an orphan. FLASHFORWARD TO NOW. She is being forced to marry some other cute boy, who is prestigious or something.

I will say that I could not tell the two guys apart. This lead to some confusing moments for me.

OH NO WEREWOLF ATTACK.

Or just giant CGI wolf.

He kills her older sister. Eventually they call in Gary Oldman to come and kill the wolf! Even though Saul from Battlestar Galactica (oh how he has fallen) thinks he killed it already.

Blah blah. Witchhunt in the village. People thinking its everyone else. Eventually it is revealed. It is dealt with. And then a different dumb ending.

Alright first of all, the entire village just seemed fake. Even if they were in the woods for real, everything just seemed like shitty CGI to me, even her damn hood. In terms of guessing who the wolf is, I had about two guesses. One was right. Hooray. But I didn’t care. I also found it ridiculous that after the reveal, the wolf was still killed (spoiler?). Like, don’t be a bitch Amanda.

ESPECIALLY if you compare that ending with what happened right after it. That makes it even more stupid.

I wasn’t even interested in the movie for that long. Gary Oldman’s character was even annoying. He mentioned like, four or five times that he had to kill his own wife because she would be a werewolf. That was about all he said. Where I come from, killing your wife isn’t celebrated or a reason to get to do what you want.

“Give me that sandwich sir. I killed my wife.”

But rawrrr. This movie wasn’t good. I haven’t given a 0 in awhile, because that means I am mad I wasted my time with the movie in addition to it being pretty bad. Oh well. This fits my bill.