Tag: Kris Kristofferson

This is one of the many reviews that have come out of WorldFest in Houston. Check the WorldFest tag to see them all!

Opening the festival was Blaze. Now, last year the opening film was LBJ and about a famous person I actually heard about before, with bigger names attached, and a goddamn amazing director.

This one is about a vague country star who never reached his full famous potential, died pretty young, and is directed by Ethan Hawke, who has not done a lot of directing.

This is a good film for a biography, because I would rather learn a shit ton about someone who I haven´t heard everything before. Biographies should actually teach us about new people things. That is, assuming their story is actually worth hearing. I´m looking at you boring biographies about famous people that are just…well, shit.

Oh cute, matching outfits with no one around to say its cute.

Blaze Foley (Ben Dickey), or Michael if you knew him before he was trying to become a famous singer, had a soul that was built for telling stories. These stories were generally musical in nature, which made it a good thing that he also could play that guitar. He had a life of growing up with song, thanks to his family being part of a traveling family band.

The story that we hear about in Blaze is his whole adult life’s tale. About how he met his future wife, Sybil (Alia Shawkat), a Jewish actress who appreciated the woods as much as this large cowboy. In fact, they lived in a shack in the woods for several years rent free, living off the land and no electricity.

We get to see him moving to the big cities with the intention of selling his tunes and making it famous in the country music scene. Including leaving his wife behind to tour with a friend (Josh Hamilton) in an old truck down the south. And also their move to the bigger city of Chicago to tackle the blues crowd, since he figured his music was sort of country and the blues, given how sad they all were. We also get to see him get a record contract, and coincidentally, let that all go to shit as well.

This is all juxtaposed with his final concert, which was recorded life, the day before he was shot and killed protecting a friend.

Also starring Wyatt Russell, Sam Rockwell, Charlie Sexton, Steve Zahn, and Kris Kristofferson.

Life is like being on the back of a truck. You know, fast and no seat belts.

Blaze is a slow burn, which is not what the title implies. Blaze implies a film where everything happens quickly and maybe even burns out, well before it should have. Which is a good metaphor for Blaze the person. But is it a metaphor if its his name? I don´t know how hyperboles work.

The film telling the story interlaced among big moments, early moments, and still ending with the natural ending was a great choice. Getting to hear his ¨friends¨ tell stories about his life provided a great tool for exposition, and the fact that the rest was presumably based on his wife´s book of his life gave it a very personal touch.

As a music fan, I can say it was a bit of a low point for me. I never was really engaged in the many songs sung, as they were all so slow and soulful, and felt more akin to background music while the stories unfolded. Hard to change the music if it is based on a real source though.

Overall the story just felt okay to me. The reason it ended with such a high rating though was due to the acting, especially from Dickey and Shawkat. I don´t actually know Dickey from anything else, but he transformed into this Blaze character, along with all of his imperfections. It never felt like an actor, it just felt like this artist I was completely unaware of.

Blaze is well acted, and tells the story of someone you also likely don´t know. It is debatable if it is a story that needs to be told, but hey, they told it anyways.

3 out of 4.

As of writing this introduction to The Star, there is only one mainstream / mainstream movie I have yet to see for the year, and at this point I can say that 2017 just overall sucked.

So many sequels of films that didn’t need them, offering nothing new. We have stories that are based on books and don’t rise up to their level. We have original works that don’t focus on the smaller elements. We have two fucking LEGO movies.

And then we have The Star. The cherry on top of the year. I haven’t released all the reviews I just mentioned, because at least one or two films were actually good, but I will let them happen eventually through the rest of this month and January. But it should be obvious I was not looking forward to The Star in any level.

No film has starred a donkey successfully since Shrek.

The film starts off at “9 months B.C” because they need to make it obvious. This angel talks to Mary (Gina Rodriguez) that God is about to give her that baby, and she is like yes!

Now, months later we can focus on the real hero, Bo (Steven Yeun)! Bo is a donkey, a mill donkey, who spends most of his day walking in a circle, moving the mill. Hard labor. He has big dreams though. He wants to get out of the mill and carry around important people, like royalty, like the horses. Oh yeah, that would be the life. Eventually he does get to break out and finds himself in the barn of Mary and Joseph (Zachary Levi). You see, they just got married, and Joseph is of course worried about her baby bump. But she says it is from God, and he prayed so it must be okay.

What is not okay is some animals have spread the story of the angel and the future king, which has gotten to the ears of the current King. The new King doesn’t like that and sends people out to look for and kill this dude. Also, they are having a Census, so everyone has to travel to Bethlehem, or else! I don’t know what the or else is, but no matter the condition they must go.

So Mary and Joseph are traveling when she is about to pop, with a Donkey and a bird (Keegan-Michael Key) and a lamb (Aidy Bryant), and along the way they get into many shenanigans.

Either way, this story is pretty common, so you know where we are going with it and the whole thing is basically spoiled.

There are so many goddamn people who they grabbed to get presumably tiny quick paychecks. Because the more famous people you cram into a film, the more people will come to see it. Just ask Movie 43. We have as animals or the occasional other human: Christopher Plummer, Ving Rhames, Gabriel Iglesias, Kelly Clarkson, Anthony Anderson, Patricia Heaton, Kris Kristofferson, Kristin Chenoweth, Mariah Carey, Oprah Winfrey, Tyler Perry, Tracy Morgan, Delilah (from the Radio), Joel McCrary, Phil Morris, and Joel Fuck The Poor Osteen.

Winfrey, Jordan, and Perry are camels. Seems…racist.

Just like I have mentioned in previous films about mythology, I don’t care if they change aspects from the original stories, because who cares, they are made up stories as well. I didn’t care with The Rock’s Hercules, I didn’t care with Percy Jackson, and I don’t care with the Star.

But if I was Christian, I would be insulted by this film. To take one of the hallmarks of your religion and turn it into a big awkward joke. To have Mary and Joseph worry so much about the donkey and bird hanging out with them, making light of some king dude, and basically implying everything worked out well due to some animals.

Shit, the manger scene before it was set up had the horses basically making meta jokes about how convient it was for there to be this space, this manger, and a big awkward shining light on it that had been bugging them for weeks.

However even worse, I am going to quote the end of the film. This is Oprah as a camel, talking about the ending (spoilers?). Seriously, real words here, it took me awhile to get it all down: “You know, I think people are gonna remember this night. What happened here around this manger will be celebrated for thousands of years. Families will come together and exchange presents and sing carols, all to remember the grace of this moment that we are witnessing right now.”

That isn’t even funny at this point, as they basically stare at the camera to update us on what sometimes happens around Christmas.

The plot is full of mostly filler material, a lot of non exciting chase scenes, a very gullible husband, a very confident wife, and a shit ton of actors earning some money. But hey, at least the colors of Mary/Joseph were attempted to be correct.

0 out of 4.

Dolphins Dolphins Dolphins.

I remember Dolphin Tale just like it was years ago. An inspirational movie, for anyone who is a dolphin and who has lost their tail and thinks they can’t go on swimming anymore. It is based on a true story and I think used the actual dolphin in question. They just cheesed it the hell up and the actual true story was far more interesting than the melo drama the movie created. Just how it goes some time.

But now we have a sequel to Dolphin Tale. It is called Dolphin Tale 2! Presumably the Dolphin now loses a fin and they replace that too, right? Wait, this one is also a true story? Is there some guy just scouring the internet, looking for dolphin rescue stories just so they can make a dolphin tale movie?

I’m hoping for the eventual reboot as RoboDolphin.

The Clearwater Marine Hospital, in the last movie struggling to survive, is now struggling to fit in so many people. They have classes, volunteers, real staff, they have so much goin on. They still want to fix animals and return them to sea, but they have some permanent residents that people want to see, like Winter. Yay fake tails. Winter lives with Panama, because of some vague rule that a female dolphin needs another female dolphin to swim or play with.

Well, Panama dies. Super old. They only have one other dolphin, Mandy, but Mandy is perfectly fine and it is their duty to return her to real life. For some reason, they have thirty days to find a new female dolphin to play with Winter, or else Winter will leave. If Winter will leave, so will their fat profits, because a lot of crippled people come to see her for whatever reason. Thankfully they get another shitty dolphin, terribly named Hope, who is a baby and didn’t get to learn how to live her life in the wild. BUT CAN THEY BE FRIENDS.

Also the main kid, Sawyer (Nathan Gamble), now in high school, is debating as to whether or not he takes a super free Semester At Sea trip, as a high school student again, because he is sad about dolphins.

This movie also features, again, Ashley Judd, Cozi Zuehlsdorf, Harry Connick Jr., Juliana Harkavy, Kris Kristofferson, Morgan Freeman, and Bethany Hamilton. Yes that 1 armed surfer chick is playing herself.

I don’t care about her story, I just know her story gave us the shitty movie Soul Surfer.

The trailer for Dolphin Tale 2 featured an emergency vehicle showing up to the hospital with a dolphin, late at night, getting called Hope for some reason, and then a bunch of shots of people playing with dolphins, basically.

This scene takes place over an entire HOUR into the movie. Up to this point, we don’t get to the dolphin Hope or hear about her coming. It is all out of nowhere. IT TAKES AN HOUR OF SET UP TO GET TO THE MAIN PLOT OF THE MOVIE. Come on! So much damn bad filler up to that point. The worst of it being of course the angst of the kid throughout the film. Look. We all know he is going to take it. He would be stupid to not take it. It is completely bad drama filler for some reason, because obviously that part is based on no true story.

I think the only part of this movie that is the true story is that the CMH real life place got a new tiny dolphin named Hope. I don’t think they were going to lose Winter in any way, but they got a new dolphin in real life, so here is a new movie. That is what this movie has become and any future movies. They also had a Mandy dolphin that they released back and actually had a sick turtle.

Aka, normal life for a marine hospital. And now it is a pointless bullshitty movie.

The young people watched it too. They found it boring as shit. They got excited every once in awhile when dolphins were playing and that is about it. And because the ending featured a long drawn out cheering sequence, they were happy and cheering too because hey, something fun is finally happening. And then balloons. Either way, kids know this movie sucks for the most part too.

1 out of 4.

I might have picked Deadfall solely from the Blu-Ray cover. Not saying that I am judging the whole thing on the cover, just saying that it helped me choose the movie. When there are so many random ass movies to choose from, you can’t just put them in a hat and pick randomly. Stores get mad at you when you do that.

From the cover, it was clear that it was some sort of thriller. A thriller that took place in the snow! Yeah snow! Maybe a quirky Midwest thriller, like Fargo, or Thin Ice, a more recent film that no one watched! Yeah! Well, with a name like DEADFall, it is probably not quirky. Perhaps there will be accents though?

“It’s a nice shooter, don’t cha know?” Liza (Olivia Wilde) and Addison (Eric Bana) are brother and sister and looking pretty luxurious. They are in a limo after all. Which of course crashes on those icy Michigan roads, killing their driver. A state trooper comes to investigate, and Addison shoots him in the head. Whoa!

Turns out these two are on the run from the law. They took part in a casino heist that has gone wrong, and are trying to reach Canada as soon as they can. Kind of difficult now though. After wandering the woods, they reach a fork in the road and agree to split up to reach Canada faster. No, doesn’t make too much sense.

But lets talk about other plot lines. Jay (Charlie Hunnam) just got out of prison, a former boxer, who is mad at his coach for “betraying him”. So he accidentally hurts him bad, so he too goes on the run, thinking he killed him. He just wants to get home for Thanksgiving, really close to the Canadian border, with his parents (Kris Kristofferson, Sissy Spacek).

Finally, we have Hannah (Kate Mara), a young police officer, who also happens to be the daughter of the chief (Treat Williams), who gives her crap and is way too protective. Typical story. So when there is news of a cop killer in the woods, he totally won’t let her help. But will she listen? WILL SHE?

No. Those are not “Fuck me” eyes, because she is looking at her brother. Don’t be gross. Deadfall would have been a better movie without Olivia Wilde. That sounds harsh.

It would have been a better movie without her character. The most interesting plot line in this movie was of course Eric Bana in the woods alone, doing whatever he can to survive the harsh cold, and yeah, it might involve killing some people, and taking a cabin or two hostage. That was great. Having Jay find Liza and them hanging out in a bar all night because the roads are closed?

Whatever. Don’t care.

Which is probably why I found the ending of the film so disappointing. Characters do change in this movie, but too fast, and it doesn’t make sense their actions by the end. I am kind of just left pissed off. Like the ending to Law Abiding Citizen. Except that movie was wickedly awesome up to the ending, while this one kind of pitter pattered around due to the several plot lines, most of which were meh.

The beginning scene in the movie is great though. It pumped me up, just unfortunately went down hill after that.

Also, there totally were accents. But from Bana/Wilde, who were from Georgia. So that was unexpected I guess.

1 out of 4.

From what you know about me, you might know I am not a religious man. I tend to rate religious movies lower, but never because of their content about religion, but more so they just end up being poorly made, bad acting, etc.

Despite this, I actually like Gospel Music. I have been to at least one Gospel Fest in my life (and I felt like the only white guy there). It’s just generally so happy and full of spirit, and fun to dance to. So what happens when we get a movie about Gospel music? Depends. I loved Sister Act (and even its sequel!), but can a more modern version in Joyful Noise make me happy as well?

Then again, it might just be some bullshit Diva off, like another bad movie.

What we have is a small town church in Georgia, that somehow has a bunch of good singers in it. Their choir director, Kris Kristofferson, dies! Well, shit. The church board (of this small town church, mind you) chooses Queen Latifah to run the group now. Dolly Parton is upset, she wants to lead it, she and Kris were close, and she is the main monetary benefactor to the church. Oh well. No big deal. Latifah also has a daughter, Olivia (Keke Palmer) and she is the main star of the choir (at least she is now!). She also has a son with Aspergers who is blind (Dexter Darden). No big deal, but he has problems adjusting.

Husband? Oh he is in the army again, couldn’t find work, so Jesse L. Martin got the job to pay for their life, but can’t ever be with them.

Dolly Parton has a rebellious grandson though. Randy (Jeremy Jordan) and he has come to mess things up. He is interested in Olivia, and gets into her life by agreeing to teach her blind brother how to play the piano, and sing! Eventually he even gets to join the Choir. Latifah doesn’t like him, bad influence, and he wants to do new fangled songs with the choir, not old safe boring ones. Oh yeah, they also are of course entered into a competition for gospel choirs, and they never win though. Others just are better. They just keep getting second. But this year? Could they win? Could they even go to a national competition in LA and win that too? They’d have to beat a choir of angelic preteen singers! Oh noes!

Oh yeah, also drama with the Church pastor (Courtney B. Vance), wanting the traditional stuff. One of their members having a lot of her potential suitors dying (Angela Grovey), more than one boy interested in Olivia, and a family torn apart by the military.

The main two singing stars ended up being these two people. These people aren’t Queen Latifah or Dolly Parton.

Did you read that plot outline? It goes a lot of places, and is pretty weak. The way they win their first competition is pretty bad, but it makes sense. The results of the national competition don’t make sense either (guess who wins!). It is one of those times when the winners clearly didn’t do as good as the other people. (I hate that a lot more than when one side clearly does worse and they still tie). A lot of overacting, and some weird actual fighting between characters. All in the name of Jesus.

BUT. The songs are pretty damn good. Some of the songs in the movie are just quick snippets, including I’m In Love With A Stripper. But besides that, they also go the Sister Act route and turn the melodies and tunes of normal songs and Jesusify them, so that everyone is happy. Instead of a theme, like Motwon songs, they take them from a span of decades and it is really fun to listen to.

What? My rating apparently is just based on that. That part was entertaining, but I liked the music. Won’t watch it again, but man, might download the CD. Maybe.

2 out of 4.

Fast Food Nation is a movie based on a book. Have I read the book? Of course not, reading is for squares.

But clearly with a title like that, it is a movie that you KNOW has a message. The book is just a simple book talking about why fast food is bad, and giving examples and facts. This is a fictionalized story telling tales of individuals involved in the industry, from lowly cashier, to vp, to illegal immigrant workers in the cow killing plants.

And Fes!

Easiest way to describe the movie is a quick sentence on all the plots I guess.

We have a story of illegal immigrants coming from Mexico (and elsewhere), featuring Wilmer Valderrama and Catalina Sandino Moreno as a married couple going up to Colorado. They both go to the meat factory, Wilmer cleaning up the stuff at night with pressure hoses, and Catalina cutting beef, but quickly switching to hotel work.

Greg Kinnear works for the head guys and introduced The Big One, a new item to the fictional food company. It is doing well, but for some reason, the meat has higher fecal counts than other meats in the fast food market, so he has to go to Colorado to find out why. He also deals with Bruce Willis, a high up guy who brought his company and the meat company together. Oh, and Kris Kristofferson as the owner of the cattle ranch where they get the cows, and knows the truth about the factory.

There is also Ashley Johnson, a cashier at the restaurant. She learns about doing something important with her life, from her uncle, and is also kind of smart. She wants to quit her job, thinking it is bad, and become an activist. And also, Avril Lavigne has a small role as hippy lover too! Whats up Avril!?

“Well right now I am miserable, because it is such a damn cold night.”

Sooo, parts of the movie were interesting, sure. The problem? The last half hour.

First off, Greg’s plot line ends with a good 35 minutes to go, but doesn’t really end. They stop showing what happens with him, and he doesn’t really make a decision with what he finds out. Which is annoying.

The eco-terrorism route fails as well, and ends pointlessly. What do they learn? That they probably can’t do jack shit to help cows out. I guess.

About Fes? They had the best story, I guess. I hated what happened, but it also felt like it just didn’t end. The girl does get a job on their kill zone, and they do that more just to show companies killing cows (head things) and slicing their necks post death, blood and guts falling out. I DON’T NEED TO SEE THAT SHIT.

It is gross. I can understand that an animal died (hopefully at least) to enjoy my burger/steak, but I don’t have to watch the butcher work. We are civilized now. I don’t have to hunt myself. They aren’t even implying the cows live in bad conditions necessarily, just seems like the plants for the processing are lame overall.

So it was a movie with a message, and it failed horribly in my mind. Plots that started and went no where (talk about robbing the store? Where’d that go?), and then just a mess at the end. But hey, if there is graphic scenes it will work right?

1 out of 4.

Dolphin Tale? I get it. Like Tail. But not really. Because Dolphin’s have Tails. But this is a story about a Dolphin, so a tale.

Oh, it is a tale about the tail of a Dolphin? I get it for real now. Well played title.

Well pl- awww dolphin.

Nathan Gamble plays little kid who sucks at school. He has to go to summer school! His older cousin who kicks ass at swimming is going off to the army (Austin Stowell) but he demands that he does something productive over the summer. Well, damn it, he accidentally finds a dolphin trapped in ropes on the beach! He frees it partially, just in time for the rescue crew to get there. They even have a little girl on their team too, and Cozi Zuehlsdorff is slathered in freckles.

So boy goes to the aquarium place, secretly, to check on dolphin, and avoids school. But damn it, he is interested in something for once. It is a family business, with Cozi’s dad running the place as a marine biologist (Harry Connick Jr.) and his dad just hanging out (Kris Kristofferson). Turns out the dolphin only reacts favorably when boy is around, so they let him stay and help (and miss school, much to the anger of his mom Ashley Judd).

But the tail is infected! It has to get amputated. A Dolphin without a tail? Unheard of. Well it works. And he starts to swim side to side successfully. But that fucks up his Dolphin spine! So they get the idea for a prosthetic tail, designed by Morgan Freeman, which you know, fails and fails again.

SLATHERED in Freckles.

The story about the dolphin alone is a good enough one. Especially because it is true! Winter is a real dolphin and plays herself in the movie. Both with and without the fake tail. None of this CGI crap for this movie! (But I think some of the scenes are still CGI’d. Especially that dumb jump at the end).

The movie adds a lot of fictionalized elements of course though. A plot involving a financial hardened research facility that may be closing (movie watchers love foreclosers), comparison story of the dolphin to an amputee in the movie both overcoming the odds together, and more. Movie almost reached two hours, but could have been shorter and still a very good dolphin rehabilitation story.

The end has real footage of the process to make the tail (and the years it took, not weeks) from the facility, and it is an extra layer of coolness. My heart was warmed during parts, but just did not like a lot of the unnecessary components.

2 out of 4