Tag: Diary Of A Wimpy Kid

Soft reboots are hard. And usually they involve comic book heroes.

But for Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul, we have replaced every single character with new characters! Sure the last one of these was five years ago and people get older, but why not keep the parents?

I have reviews of the original films, the first, the second, and the third. And the last one was the worst one, so maybe they decided the cast was washed up and they needed fresh talent.

Whatever the reason is, this one is a movie I have to judge off the previous films. Or, what I barely remember off the previous films. I mostly remember really enjoying the older brother. And the main kid was probably annoying.

The initials of the main book series is DOAWK, or DO AWK. And this boy is sure doing awk.

The wimpy kid has a name, and that name is Greg (Jason Drucker). You may also know him as Diaper Hands, thanks to an unfortunate event at a family buffet where a few actions of his went viral on the internet. Oh great, this poor kid of undisclosed age is now going to get it from everyone.

But he can’t do anything to fix it, because his family is going on a road trip. They have to go visit their MeeMaw’s 90th birthday and it is about 48 hours of driving. Despite having a mother (Alicia Silverstone) and a father (Tom Everett Scott), two highly functioning people, they are going to take four days just to get there because they need to both sleep in a hotel at night, I guess. He also has his older brother Rodrick (Charlie Wright) and a like, 2-3 year old brother. It is a kid who is definitely too old for a pacifier.

Oh, and the mom has instituted a ban of technology on the road trip. No cell phones for anyone, including the dad who apparently has to secretly do his job while also road tripping.

No phone means Greg cannot restore his internet identity. However, he has a plan. Near where his MeeMaw lives will be a gaming convention, and his idol, Mac Digby (Joshua Hoover, basically PewDiePie like person) will be there. If he can meet him and be on one of his videos, he will be famous in a new way and kill his diaper hands code name. He just has to get there and survive the road.

Oh, and there is also Chris Coppola playing a bearded family nemesis and Owen Asztalos as Rowley for a little bit of screen time.

In this frame, our mom almost looks younger than the older brother.

I struggled just finding what rating I would end up giving this film and my mind went back and forth, just back and forth between a 1 and 2. In no way is this film objectively good, outside of some camera work maybe. I haven’t seen a DOAWK film in five years or so, but I think most of the characters are a downgrade. I really can’t remember much about Greg, but the older brother isn’t as believable in this one, that dad is more boring, and the best friend is barely in it to compare. The baby kid was clearly way too old, having the ability to have full conversations, but also barely counting? And pacifiers?

Out of improvements, this one is probably better with Silverstone, who seemed to master this heartful nagging tone throughout the movie. What the fuck? And just 20 years she was so clueless at everything.

This film tried to stand on its own feet by amplifying everything. All the bad things that occurred on the trip just seemed to go straight to 11. The family should have died so many times on the road based on what happened while driving (and not pulling over to just deal with it). The entire Berdo family plot line was terrible, with each escalation never really making much sense. I felt bad for Beardo more than anything, really.

Greg’s plan was shit, but I can’t fault the movie for that. Because kids make shit ideas. What I can fault this movie for is having so much destruction and spending that it just never becomes relatable. This family, despite one working parent (who might get fired on this trip?) is apparently rich as fuck, based on how much they have to spend during it to fix their issues. And yes, money fixes most of their issues. I ain’t got time for these rich people problems.

But the “baby kid” plot lines were still cute despite everything. And there ended up being a pig eventually, I loved that pig plot. The pig plot was cute, along with a few other cute moments that didn’t make the movie completely suck, just mostly suck.

Finally. Finally I can say I am the last Diary of a Wimpy Kid movie…or am I?

This version, Dog Days, takes place after seventh grade, but during the summer before 8th. Shit, that means if there is only middle school for these books (guess), then they can still do another one next year.

Four movies in four years, kind of ballsy. Or maybe it is just easy for this type of ‘epic novel’.

Summer? Time to get fucked up and ride some rides.

So yeah, get stoked, time to meet up with Greg (Zachary Gordon) again! But now that school is out, he has one goal, to play video games. Lamely enough, he is playing some dumb wizard game, and apparently thinks it will take all summer to beat it. Well, maybe he sucks at life.

But his dad (Steve Zahn) is not a fan. Summer is good weather so he must be outside! Physical fit stuff, oh well. And he better not piss off his dad this summer, because he just learned about some prep/obedience/military? school that starts in the 8th grade. You know, which Greg is about to be in. So of course Greg fails to get his game on after the first day, and pisses off his dad. Oh well, according to the mom (Rachael Harris), it is partially the dad’s fault. He needs to spend time with his son!

But they have nothing in common. Camping, reinactments, fishing, blah. Thankfully, Greg lies again and says he has a summer job at the local country club. But really he is just going there as Rowley’s (Robert Capron), trying to impress Holly (Peyton List), by lying to her a bunch. She meant to give him her phone number, but never finished writing it. Unfortunately, throughout the summer Greg is too much of a pansy to bring that up and get the missing digits to actually get his girl.

Chirag (Karan Brar) is still an Indian kid stereotype, Patti (Laine MacNeil) is still mean, and Fregley (Grayson Russell) is still unpopular.

Rodrick (Devon Bostick), despite what happened in the last film, is kind of a dick again, and uses his brother to get into the country club.

Can Greg not screw up everything he touches, and get a good relationship going with his dad?

I can’t tell. They look pretty much the same, so they must be awesome.

Remember what the sequel did with the first? It made it better, and also feel more realistic. You think both Greg and the brother grew with that movie, and it felt kind of awesome. Well I think that is what they meant to do with this version. But instead of the boy and older brother relationship, it would go to the boy and his father relationship.

Don’t get me wrong, it definitely happened, but the execution felt wrong. Just felt wrong the entire time. The threat of boarding school, and Greg’s inability to not be a dick. Like, he made progress in the last movie, but it is almost as if they were just kidding and no progress was made at all. His brother was kind of a dick to him (not as complete, but still not very nice). Just felt like they robbed the characters of their development.

Literally nothing really goes as planned in this movie, and to me it seemed like that most of Greg’s actions were caused by an inability to think, even though they generally portray him as a bit smarter of a character. But nope, bad choice after bad choice, and still, despite learning lessons in previous films, wanting to be cool and treating his friends like crap.

Way to go Greg, you really are starting to suck. Other minor announces, like Patti yelling out the score during tennis, and scoring it wrong (but seemingly correct? She was calling shit a point that wasn’t close to being a point). Also, Greg’s inability to get the last two digits of Holly’s number, all because he couldn’t just say, “Yo Bitch, finish that message”. Especially if he was right by her, and other people were talking that involved neither of them, he couldn’t figure out how to talk on his own I guess. Just made me pissed off.

Yeah!

Another Diary of a Wimpy Kid movie, that is what you are thinking right? And with such a demanding subtitle of Rodrick Rules, there is no way it could actually fail.

Especially if all of the major cast are brought back, minus one notabale change. You know, because Chloe Grace Moretz had to become too much of a big deal to continue these movies. Or something. But that is an assumption. Hell, I don’t even know if the events in this movie or the others are actual book events, or just made up. So I guess her return doesn’t matter.

I guess they took that new bitch to a roller disco. Bitches love roller discos.

Remember Greg’s (Zachary Gordon) quest for popularity? Well, he still really isn’t popular. And he kind of still wants to be. Some would say that means he didn’t learn anything at all from the first film. But don’t worry, his quest for popularity at least doesn’t cause him to destroy his friendships again. Even though there are some mean pranks (like pretending that Chirag (Karan Brar) is invisible the whole film, as a big practical joke that the school joins in. Kind of a dick move, Greg).

He is real friends with Rowley (Robert Capron) still, just tries to avoid the fact that he is into magic now and wants to have Greg as his assistant for a talent show. Don’t be gross, Rowley. And of course Patti (Laine MacNeil) is still an unobtrusive whore, and Fregley (Grayson Russell) is still a gross loser.

So what the fuck is new? Well, there is the new girl, Holly (Peyton List) who is way too cool, and thus impossible for Greg to attain. He has to become cool himself. But he is lame, and not cool, so kind of sucks. But turns out there is a way to become cool, and that way is through his brother Rodrick (Devon Bostick).

The mom (Rachael Harris) actually devises a system called Mom Bucks to try and get them closer together, but it doesn’t really work. Thankfully, they end up bonding over an illegal house party the brother throws, since Greg was willing to cover for him. Hells yeah. That is when Rodrick starts teaching him how to be cool. Gives him a list of rules to follow (yeahhh). They aren’t all good, but damn it, they are trying.

Hopefully the dad (Steve Zahn) doesn’t find out about the party, causing a lot of other problems to occur, and banning Rodrick from performing at the talent show. That would surely drive a wedge in the friendship and coolness factor.

So I guess the title could be from Rodrick either being awesome, or his list of helpful hints. But where else might the title have come from? Hmm.

So uhh, shockingly this movie wasn’t that bad. I know, this is going to sound strange. But it was definitely better than the original one. Sure, it was still more of the same in terms of children shenanigans and some silly humor. But it was definitely just better.

Greg wasn’t as much of an asshat, and way more likable of a person. The relationship between him and his brother, obviously a major part of the movie, felt pretty real. Had some unusual circumstances come about, but just felt correct.

Maybe it is just because I have an older brother and it all made sense because of that, but they really hit the nail on the head.

So this movie actually is enjoyable, if you are in the kid mindset of course. So hopefully the third one is even more better!

Heyyyy, family movie based off of kids books. I see you. Diary Of A Wimpy Kid I actually saw a few years ago. I saw it for like, $3 or something, and said why not. It could be interesting. Kids movies aren’t ALWAYS bad. But the potential is high.

Either way, this shit has been blowing up. A movie a year, with the same cast. Kind of like the new much faster Harry Potter. Watch out JK Rowling!

Ah I get it. It was a book, so it takes book drawings and makes them into people. HOW CLEVER MOVIE. I mean, who cares~

Greg (Zachary Gordon) is an 11 year old kid, about to go to middle school, and is pretty wimpy. What does that mean in this context? Eh, he just sucks at being social and telling people his true feelings mostly. Thankfully he has a journal he gets to write in, where he can vent his shit and whine all day long. If only people could read his mind.

Well poor Greg wants to be popular when he goes to middle school, so he is prepped. But his best friend Rowley (Robert Capron) is a total lameo, and uncool. Having him as a friend might drag him down! So maybe he can make him cool by default, or at least hope that his uncoolness wont rub off on him.

Greg quickly meets a girl who works on the school paper (Chloe Grace Moretz) who might have the hots for him, but because she is different, that makes her not cool. WHAT THE HELL GREG. So instead Greg tries to become popular his own way, and fails over and over again. In fact, Rowley becomes more popular than Greg could ever try. Too bad Greg is such a jerk face. Oh well, hopefully the curse of the stinky cheese doesn’t do anything in this movie.

Lots of other players in this movie too, such as his parents (Rachael Harris and Steve Zahn), older brother (Devon Bostick), and younger brother (Connor Fielding). He also has some ‘friends’ (Karan Brar, Grayson Russell), and not to mention mean old Patti (Laine MacNeil).

Patti is a mean wrestler. Didn’t you know? She will kick your dick, without remorse.

So this book series is actually an interesting one. They kind of make the main character a jerk, and actually make it hard to sympathize with him. I mean, sympathy is possible, since he is only a kid, but it is definitely hard. Sure he just wants to be liked, but he is an egotistical fucker who is willing to stomp over his friends. Very fucked up, Greg. Thus the wimpy ness I guess.

The kid who played Rowley was pretty entertaining though. Technically the only aspect I found entertaining. Kid might go far, be the next funny fat guy. Watch out, in like, 10 years or whatever. And in 15 he will be coked out of his mind, but we can always remember the good times.

But other than, a very simple story, and not much really happens besides a kids quest to be cool, and you know, failing. I can’t wait to watch the rest…err.