Tag: Nick Nolte

How many movies does Adam Sandler do in a year? Usually one right? Maybe two?

Well this year, he stars in three different movies. The Cobbler, Pixels, and now The Ridiculous 6. Sure he is getting older, but those private yachts aren’t going to pay for themselves. And as he does more and more films, he gains more and more friends to have to support on his army of yachts.

This film is a Netflix original movie. Last year he signed a four film deal with the company, and so it will be awhile before his films are released theatrically again.

And uhh. I guess this is Adam Sandler’s take on a western, with a name similar to those other western and samurai movies.

There are rag tag groups and there are shit groups. This group is worse than the later.

White Knife (Sandler) grew up never really knowing his father or his mother. But he is half Native America, despite looking white. And yes, her is freakishly good at using knives. Name explained, boom.

Then one day, an old guy comes to town. Frank Stockburn (Nick Nolte), a famous bank robber who was notorious throughout the land. Turns out that is his real daddy. But he needs help. Members of his former gang are going to kill him, unless he pays back money that was stolen from there. The gang is now lead by Cicero (Danny Trejo), and they are ruthless. Frank lies to them about the location, so that White Knife aka Tommy can get the money and put it in the spot before the bad guys get there. Then, after saving his dad’s life, he can enjoy some of that sweet ass quality time he has been hoping for. So he will run off and do that, before he gets married to Smoking Fox (Julia Jones).

Along the way, Tommy finds out that his dad really did get around, by meeting several half brothers. There is Ramon (Rob Schneider), half Mexican with a burro. There is Lil’ Pete (Taylor Lautner), who is half retarded and well. Yeah. Herm (Jorge Garcia) is half…Mongolian or something. He speaks gibberish. There is also Chico (Terry Crews), half Black and a piano player! And finally, Danny (Luke Wilson) who is half an alcoholic and half an American traitor.

Remember when I said Sandler had friends? Yeah, a ton of them are in this movie.

Chris Parnell. Blake Shelton. Harvey Keitel. John Turturro. Jon Lovitz. Nick Swardson. Saginaw Grant. Steve Buscemi. Steve Zahn. Vanilla Ice. And Will Forte!

Lautner’s tooth gap is played by Steve Carell!

I almost forgot to mention the controversy! You know, where Native American extras walked off the set because they found the humor to be racist and demeaning. One would say that isn’t good publicity, but of course we know there is no such thing as bad PR.

In fact, Netflix can only gain from a raunchy Sandler film. No one will cancel their account because it exists, but they will get more international audiences who love the shit out of him still. Win for them, no matter how terrible a film is.

But in all honesty, this film isn’t even super terrible. No, it is really fucking…slightly below average. Sandler’s character is a bit boring, which is true for a lot of his things lately. He is just playing an every guy, who happens to be good at knives I guess. The only reason to watch the film is for the rest of the 5 brothers.

Taylor Lautner playing what amounts of Simple Jack? Fantastic. He was the best part of Grown Ups 2 and one of the best parts of this one as well. I have been know to enjoy Schneider, and I think his performance is one of his better ones lately (again, not saying a lot). Garcia and Crews felt a bit underused, especially Garcia. His character didn’t even make sense.

But really, the movie has bottom of the barrel. I only laughed occasionally, the twists were obvious, and it was just far too long. It looks like they really did try to make a good western parody, but you know. Poop jokes. Under using actors. Some racism. You know what you are getting going into the film, I suspect.

1 out of 4.

Robert Redford is starring in a movie!

That should be the first thing out of your mouth, seeing The Company You Keep. The other thing you will notice is it has quite a hefty list of famous actors thrown into the mix. Robert Redford doesn’t act much anymore, but when he does, he calls out all the stops.

See? This is him literally calling out all the stops.From watching movies, I have learned that the 1960’s were a terrible time. But hey, terrible times lead to great movies about how terrible it all was. War, protests, the whole shabang. Some protesters couldn’t stand being peaceful though, like the Weather Underground movement. These group of youngsters thought they saw their government committing terrible crimes, so they wanted to get their attention back at home by blowing stuff up, and maybe even murder.

They also were never caught in the act and prosticuted. Until now.

Sharon (Susan Sarandon) has just been picked up by the cops, wanted in the murder of a cop from the ’60s. They have everything on her and all of her phone logs. Thanks to some reporter with gusto, (Shia LaBeouf), an article was published linking lawyer Jim Grant (Robert Redford) to the crimes and a nationwide manhunt for his arrest. Hooray! Take that violent political activist from the ’60s!

But did he really do the crimes he is being accused of? If he is innocent, why would he run? After all, the FBI (Terrence Howard) and newspaper editors (Stanley Tucci) all seem to think he’s guilty. Yet for some reason, he is being erratic, and looking really hard for one Mimi Lurie (Julie Christie). Hmm, I wonder what she has to do with all of this mess.

There are far too many famous (and famous-ish) actors to just throw their name casually in the plot, so I will just list them all here: Richard Jenkins, Anna Kendrick, Brendan Gleeson, Brit Marling, Sam Elliott, Stephen Root, Nick Nolte and Chris Cooper.

Stephen Root is standing next to lettuce. Yep, nothing to see here.The first thing I noticed is that Robert Redford no longer looks identical to Brad Pitt. But hey, now we know what Brad Pitt will look like in about 20 years.

Looking at Redford’s work schedule, he hasn’t been in a movie since 2007, but he has at least two more on the pipeline. The more notable one is Captain America: The Winter Soldier. Even better, the reason he is in the Marvel Sequel is just because he hasn’t ever played a role like it and thought it would be fun. I love it when actors tell the truth.

As for The Company You Keep, it has an interesting story behind it, but in the end it is just okay. It takes a little bit to get going, and kind of fuddled up in the middle, but it all makes a lot of sense by the end. Not that I actually liked the ending, as I thought there were multiple cop outs from various characters in the film. Acting was fine, just like Lawless, I didn’t hate Shia by the end of it, but he wasn’t exceptional in it either. Seeing him with facial hair (well, the small amount he could pull off) was an interesting change at least!

In other news, watch it only if you are missing Robert Redford in your normal life and like slow moving political-ish thrillers.

2 out of 4.

I miss sexy movie titles. Just a last name (or even a full name) are boring titles. They don’t even say anything about the movie unless you already know the character they are based on. Parker is actually not the first time this character has been in film. At least five other movies have featured Parker as the main character, based around the crime novels by Donald Westlake/Richard Stark, but most of them at least have interesting titles.

On an unrelated note, I am a little bit interested in the movie Bullet To The Head.” I bet you can figure out why.

Because Stallone wont be attempting to be a British man faking a Texas accent.

Parker (Jason Statham) is just your ordinary crook with a few simple rules. Don’t hurt anyone innocent, don’t steal from those who can’t afford it. That usually means organizations with insurance, and the money goes to himself, so don’t consider him a Robin Hood character. His girlfriend (Emma Booth) knows all about it, because her father (Nick Nolte) is an ex partner of his, who now just sets up criminals for bigger scores.

Which of course he does with Parker and another group of guys. Robbing the Ohio State Fair, a score of about a million dollars, $200k each. Pretty solid. But it turns out the other four members of the crew (Michael Chiklis, Wendell Pierce, Clifton Collins Jr., Micah A. Hauptman) have their eyes set on a bigger prize. Another job for five people, worth millions, but they need some start up cash first, all of what they just got.

Well, they are vague, Parker says no, they try to kill him and run away. But of course he doesn’t die. That would be a sad and short movie. So he creates a new identity, and heads off to West Palm Beach to stop the guys who tried to kill them by killing them first, and of course getting his money back. Shouldn’t be too hard. After all, Jennifer Lopez plays a real estate workers strapped for cash, being chased romantically by a local cop (Bobby Cannavale). Parker basically has his own small army with J-Lo!

Too bad it will take at least 3 small armies to remove his grimace.

The previews for Parker make it seem like a giant revenge action flick. A crime occurs, guy gets wronged, he goes back for vengeance. If anything, it was the exact opposite. Yes, the heist goes off and he gets wronged, but he doesn’t start killing all the people involved on a warpath. No, he has to plan it all first. Here is where my brain starts to get all weird.

I like that it is planned, that the movie looks before leaping and sets everything up first. That way we get to see how smart our main character is! Smart and his great ability to survive despite all these injuries. But then it became too detailed, and a little bit boring. Honestly, after the two hour movie, I had felt like I was in the theater for four hours. It is hard to describe, but things definitely go way too slow.

It didn’t help that watching every little step of his recovery/run/planning made me  hate the Parker character. Apparently Parker hates people who break his rules and his creed! Well, so much for the stealing only from those who can afford it. It was almost comical, watching him steal car after car, location to location, without actually knowing anything about the owners of any of them. His creed didn’t mean a dang thing when it actually mattered.

His actions ruin the image of the charismatic thief for me, just a bit. Compiled with the snail crawl of the film makes it hard to recommend to anyone.

1 out of 4.

Not going to lie. When I first saw the trailer for Gangster Squad, I thought it might be interesting. But I was worried based on the dialogue given it might all be cheesy. But I do love vigilantism. Especially real vigilantism. But above all of that, the thing I liked most was just the music featured in it. Made me all sorts of pumped up. But I learned long ago that if I hear a song in a movie trailer, it most definitely won’t be in the movie.

Bitches, yo.

It is amazing that he picked such a diverse group of guys too. I had my money on all white all middle aged!

In the late 1940s, the city of Los Angeles is under siege. Not by the Russians or Germans. Nope, by Mickey Cohen (Sean Penn). From New York, he is now the most powerful criminal in LA, having bought cops, judges, you name it. No one can touch him, not even the mobsters in Chicago. Not everyone is corrupt though. Once Chief Parker (Nick Nolte) sees that Sgt. John O’Mara (Josh Brolin) has brought down an illegal brothel by himself, he enlists him on a secret mission.

There is no way to get Mickey Cohen legally. Killing him wont do anything, someone will just take his place. No, he needs to leave his badge at home, recruit a team (or squad, if you will), take down his entire infrastructure, and sure, maybe kill a bunch of gangsters.

Fuck the law, do what is right!

Well, he gets a team of mostly cops, people who aren’t as worth being bought off who all have special skills. Conway (Giovanni Ribisi), an intelligence expert, Coleman (Anothony Mackie), who grew up on the streets and is one of the few who cares to fix them, Max (Robert Patrick), a fabled cop who has quick hands and can hit anything, and Navidad (Michael Pena), his Mexican partner who is willing to do anything.

Oh, and of course another detective Jerry Wooters (Ryan Gosling) who has a personal vendetta against Cohen, and not just because he is sexing up his current fling (Emma Stone).

Cohen is going to get those coppers, so hard they don’t even know it yet.

Whew. Well, if you watch the trailer, you are going to get exactly as it shows. The lines are unfortunately mostly cheesy. The “No Ma’am, I was just hopin’ to take you to bed.” Imagine a whole film of that.

I think the movie is a bit of a shame. A lot of great actors involved, but it felt a lot like a no emotion cartoon. I didn’t feel sad when they wanted me to, nothing really resonated. The chemistry is really what was missing here. Between everyone, but especially between Stone and Gosling, who had an unbelievable romance going on. We know they can do that too, since they were together in Crazy, Stupid, Love. So I guess it is a director issue?

Another reason it felt cartoony to me was the filter they used to film it. I don’t know what it was, but look at the second picture. It has a yellow/orange tint almost, but something about it just really turned me off from the whole movie.

The fact that this is based off of a true story seems like a farce as well. It might actually be that Mickey Cohen existed only, in which case, fuck your true story tag lines.

Action was okay, acting was mostly forgettable, except a few Sean Penn moments. It was weird seeing Giovanni Ribisi as a good guy finally, so I am glad he can not be type casted (so much) anymore.

1 out of 4.

I try not to be too cryptic with my reviews. Because most of the time you just want to know if you should watch it and maybe what it is about. Well generally 3/4 is a definite watch, but technically 2 means hey, give it a go. Maybe. Just once.

Just to avoid any confusion, for My Own Love Song, I am suggesting you do not watch it.

This picture is a tad bit blurry. Let’s call that a metaphor.

Yeah. Well, here you are. Renee Zellweger is Jane, a paralyzed from the waste down folk or country singer. Her friend, Joey, Forest Whittaker likes angels or something. People might think he is crazy. Eventually he finds a note from her son, that for whatever reason she has had about zero contact with. So he convinces her to travel down to New Orleans, to see this other guy talk about Angels, but also so he can make her meet her son.

Road trip shenanigans happen like broken transportation and lost money. They also meet Madeline Zima who was married, but her husband “done R-U-N-N-O-F-T”. She also joins them. Nick Nolte is there for awhile, as another crazy guy who tries to help them get back their stolen car.

Eventually they get to the place. The conference isn’t as good as the guy had hoped. She finds her son and sings for him. All is well. Maybe they fall in love too. The end. Yeah, no spoilers tag on that one. Hah!

That’s what you get for trusting me, Forest.

This movie is incredibly boring, and has about 2 or 3 songs in it. The songs are slow. The scenes are slow. You never are really sure what the hell is up with Forest’s character. Who is he trying to bang? All the stuff that goes wrong also just seems annoying. Sure every road trip movie has events that go wrong, but generally at least people are at fault more than just random chance for all the events but one.

I’m not even sure what we are supposed to take from Forest’s little journey / angel fetish. It could be a slight against god or not. Really, no damn idea.

Pretty much my thoughts on the whole movie.

No damn idea.

0 out of 4.

Warrior is a movie some have claimed to be movie of the year, while others have claimed its just “another boxing movie”. Boxing movies tend to follow the same plot: Main boxing character is an underdog, has to train a whole bunch, usually with an older stubborn coach, and shocks the world in the tournament near the end (either win a win, or just lasting long). Hell, a lot are also set in the past, when more people cared.

Thankfully Warrior does NOT follow the same path.

Well, ALMOST not the same path. Damn you old stubborn coach.

Brendan (Joel Edgerton) and Tommy (Tom Hardy) are brothers. Or at least they used to be. They don’t talk as much right now.

Brendan ran off with his now current wife (Jennifer Morrison) to have a family. He used to be into MMA, but he stopped because he didn’t want to raise the children in a violent household. But now, as a teacher and with another job, him and his wife are barely making ends meat and about to be foreclosed on.

Tommy had to live at home when his older brother left, to take care of his mother, and alcoholic father (Nick Nolte). He had since become a Marine, and has returned home. By now, his mother is dead, and Nolte is “no longer an alcoholic” and a Christian, but neither Tommy nor Brendan can forgive him.

Brendan does a few smaller fights, MMA style still, to earn some extra cash because the bills are high, causing him to become suspended as a teacher. He joins a local gym/trainer, his friend (Frank Grillo), to get some higher priced tournaments for his family. Tommy however also joins a different gym, and beats “Mad Eye”, a very strong MMA fighter, and the youtube video goes viral.

Both end up getting into Sparta, a 16 man, two day tournament, with the winner taking home a $5 Million dollar prize, Brendan wanting it for his family, Tommy wanting it to give to the families of Marines who died in Iraq.

And this is a powerful fucking story.

I think it is pretty obvious that they meet in the finals.

The pacing for the movie is really well done. The montage they do near the beginning is definitely in a style of its own. Showing ESPN news clips, individual fights, training, but none of which is full screen. Very creative. The actual tournament begins with about an hour of movie remaining, which is plenty of time to give us the crazy fights we crave.

Similarly, we do get to see every fight they are involved in, none of that skipping shit. Obviously a 16 man tournament has four rounds. Too many movies screw up the tournament and leave a lot out, which just annoys the watcher. The fights are great for both brothers.

BUT THE ENDING. The ending fight between the two is so damn emotional. At the end, even though I could guess who would win, I was bawling. It was beautiful folks. And entertaining. The fights also do a good job of escalating in intensity and excitement, making you want to jump up and cheer along.

I personally don’t watch UFC or anything like that, don’t care. But for this movie you don’t have to be. Maybe understanding a few basic rules like tapouts and knock outs would be good. But after that you won’t need any other knowledge.

You all definitely need to watch this movie.

4 out of 4.

Why hello Spiderwick Chronicles. Good news, there are zero spiders in this movie! Which was my biggest worry. All I knew this was some fantasy kids movie, based off some book series no one has heard about.

Maybe because it only comes in giant hardback, with old pages and is bound by a spell?

The story involves Mary-Louise Parker and her 3 children moving into an old house in the woods, thanks to divorce! It used to belong their great aunt, but she is in crazyland now. The twins are played by Freddie Highmore, who was Charlie in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. One of the twins was all rawr Divorce and angry, the other is a smart pacifist. Anyways, rambuctions twin discovers a book of fairies.

Now, for some reason, if this book about fairies (made by Spiderwick. They are his Chronicles) gets taken by Goblins, everyone will die. Some plot points were awkward. Like them trying to destroy the book, instead of Goblins. I mean, what? A great book of knowledge, and they just wanted to end it?

Nick Nolte plays the Ogre shape shifter king of the Goblins dude, while voices are provided by Seth Rogen (a hobgoblin) and Martin Short (I dunno? A House Elf or something?). Seth Rogen just likes voice acting now, with Monsters vs Aliens and Paul.

So overall, the story was interesting though. Of course no idea how it is to the books, but who cares? The CGI seemed to only be creature based, which is nice. I liked the look of the goblins. Kinda cute in a rawrawrawrgnashgnash kind of way.

“You must pay the troll’s toll if you want to get into this boy’s soul!”

2 out of 4.

I have been getting some flack for only giving 4 out of 4s to mostly just drama movies and some action ones. People demanded a review of a 4/4 Comedy, so with that, I brought back one of my favorite in the last few years, Tropic Thunder.

By now most people are aware of this movie. It has a group of guys, all famous actors / celebrities (except for Jay Baruchel) making the Vietnam War movie based on a real book. In it is Comedian Jack Black(Jeff Portnoy), Action star Ben Stiller(Tugg Speedman), and Serious Dramatic Robert Downey Jr.(Kirk Lazarus). Also, Rapper Brandon T. Jackson (Alpa Chino).

This group of ragtag people are making the director, Steve Coogan, angry with their drama. So with the help of Nick Nolte (book writer) and Danny McBride (bomb expert), they place the actors in the jungle with cameras hidden around. They plan on scaring them into acting better, by only giving them safety if they finish the movie, going for very gritty guerrilla style takes. Unfortunately, there is real threats in the jungle, so the actors have to try to both survive and think they are doing a movie.

“I’M A LEAD FARMER MOTHER FUCKER!

What makes this movie really great is pretty much all of it. It is a very quotable movie, I can still do several scenes and I haven’t seen it in awhile. RDJ does one of my favorite performances ever, as blackface general who never breaks character. It is just so believable, his drive. The Stiller character is very annoying, but thankfully, that is what they were going for. I thought Matthew McConaughey just played an overexaggerated version of himself, and that the Tom Cruise cameo represents exactly what I want from Tom Cruise. Always.

Seriously. It is funny. Has enough WTF humor in it (Retards, endangered species death, etc). Just overall great movie. The fake previews at the start helped set the mood. Instead of just a war parody, it becomes a satire on the film industry as a whole.

“BIG ASS TITTIES!”

4 out of 4.