Tag: Zulay Henao

Meet The Blacks

I am a huge fan of The Purge series. Or at least the first one, which I still think is the best, and The Purge: Anarchy. And The Purge: Election Year didn’t live up to the first two for me.

Anyways, because of this I was actually excited to see Meet The Blacks. It had virtually no advertisements, opened in only a little over a thousand theaters, and I think quickly left them. And now it is out on DVD and again, no one really knew anything about it.

I also would have ignored it, but someone else let me know that it existed and was actually a spoof on The Purge films. Shit, The Purge came out in 2013. How did it take three years for them to come out with a spoof film? It is just about the first film too, so just seems weird for such a delay.

Family
And here is clearly a scene from the ending of the movie. Spoiler?!

Carl Black (Mike Epps) just wants to make a better life for his family. Sure, they have been living in the wrong part of Chicago, he has been super in the drug game and been a real dick, but he just wants what is best for them. So when famed criminal, Key Flo (Charlie Murphy) is getting sent to prison for a few years, Carl grabs a shit ton of his cash and moves his family out of Chicago.

His family involves his new wife, Lorena (Zulay Henao) who is notably white, his daughter (Bresha Webb), his son who pretends to be a vampire (Alex Henderson) and cousin (Lil Duval). He gets them a sweet crib in Beverly Hills, a gated community, basically all rich white people.

And they are there right before The Annual Purge. Carl says rich people don’t do the purge, so they don’t have to worry. But they have made enough enemies in life to come halfway around the country to kill them. Let alone the racist old white people who don’t like their new neighbors.

Now they just have to survive the night and each other. Starring Gary Owen and George Lopez as President El Bama.

Masks
Whatever joke I made for this pic in The Purge, you should assume I said it here as well.

I went into this movie expecting a bad movie, but I honestly still expected to be better than what I was given.

Most parody films have sucked, a lot, in the recent years. They do bottom of the barrel jokes. They make references and think references to film and pop culture are good enough when it comes to humor. Meet The Blacks couldn’t even do that much.

For a 90 minute film, it dragged and dragged to set up the family and their situation. So much that the actual purge didn’t begin until about 43 minutes in, basically halfway. Shit.

And the purge part also dragged. They had a lot of different people coming after them it turns out, so each character had its own scare and introduction, story of why they were mad at Carl Black, and then altercation. It didn’t flow well at all. The film became just more and more ridiculous people looking for more petty revenge.

Damn was it boring. Damn did it suck. Damn did it no make me laugh at all once. At least Fifty Shades of Black, also out this year, made me laugh occasionally. This one has unlikable characters, unnecessary amounts of backstory and talking filler.

A good movie can make dialogue work. This dialogue just felt like they were stalling. It was a low budget film not getting a lot out of its budget.

0 out of 4.

Fighting

FIIIIIGHTINNNG!

Another movie where the subject and plot are all summed up with a verb. “What’s the movie about?” Fighting. “Well what happens in it?” Fighting. “Is it any good?” Fighting.

Fighting
Fighting.

In this movie, Channing Tatum plays a, you guessed it, con-man. He sells some counterfit items on the street for quick bucks, hoping to scam people and quickly leave. He quickly gets in a scrum with some guys, after Zulay Henao realizes that the Harry Potter book is no where close to being legit. Terrence Howard sees this and eventually finds Tatum and gives him a proposition.

Fighting? For money? Sure! In fact he even used to pseudo-box for a college team, meaning he knows his way around a fight. Double win!

This is bare knuckled, illegal fighting stuff going on, where people can bet a lot of money on the outcome. Also means it is very dangerous with little to no rules involved. Shit. Tatum is living the big life, and winning against all odds. This makes Luis Guzman and other investors pleased. They do what anyone would do in that situation.

Set up a fight between him and Brian White, another legitimate boxer from the same college as Tatum. And they want Tatum to lose the fight. If he wins, he gets $100,000, but if he loses, he will get a lot more from the bets of Terrence Howard and his associates. At the same time, Tatum has begun seeing Zulay, the single mother waitress, who might also have a thing going on with Howard.

Is she a cheating ho? Will he lose the fight for the monies, or win and make dangerous people mad at him? Fighting???

Fighting
Fighting.

For a movie named Fighting, I thought there would be more of it going on. I think overall he is in four street fights, and not a single training/montage sequence. The first is quick, the second is weird, the third is verses an asian man, and the fourth the finale. Just seems like there isn’t enough fighting in Fighting.

Terrence Howard also felt pretty bad to me in this movie. I feel as if his character mumbled the entire time, making it just annoying. He also was bad at being a “fighting pimp”. Just none of it made any sense. Much like Tatum’s relationship with Zulay (who is the character name and actress name. How weird!).

Obviously none of the characters really had any growth or development, so I guess the only saving grace is: Was the fighting decent?

Yeah. It was okay. But okay fighting in a movie called Fighting is probably a fail.

1 out of 4.