Tag: Matthias Schoenaerts

Why am I doing this to myself? Why am I going to a theater to see A Hidden Life? It should offer me nothing. It is a Terrence Malick movie, and I swore I wouldn’t watch his stuff anymore! They just kept making my worst of the year list, and I never got an ounce of pleasure out of them, just pain.

I think I have missed one or two of his films since my declaration and my life has been notably happier.

So why did I decide to see* a three hour movie of his, in theaters, with subtitles? Because it had to go and get nominated for a Spirit Award for Best Feature. Damn it, I usually like those best features. Maybe this one is different? Maybe he is trying something new?

Maybe I won’t feel like quitting my job as a reviewer over it?

The waves of grass and aloof voice over is already calling me to the void.

Franz Jägerstätter (August Diehl) is just an Austrian dude, living in a super small community in the mountains, trying to live his best life. He meets a cutie with a booty, Fani (Valerie Pachner), they hit it off, and then start doing the house thing together. They do their farming, their animal raising and shit, have a few kids along the way. They have help when they need it, but they try to do their own thing.

Well, this takes place during WWII. That’s not good. Franz is sent to boot camp for a bit, when Austria is still sort of independent, but gets sent back when they realize they won’t need people because France surrendered and war should be done soon.

But it ain’t. And that German influence sweeps over Austria, even in their small community. Everyone starts Heiling Hitler, wearing swastikas, signing pledges, but Franz doesn’t. That doesn’t make sense based on his values, he wants to just continue to stay out of it.

Then they draft him, but he refuses. So he is imprisoned by the war machine and has to write letters to his wife and kids and just wait out the war. And waiting he and us viewers sure do a lot of.

Also featuring Matthias Schoenaerts and Michael Nyqvist.

Mowing takes a goddamn century if you have more than a small amount of land.Sooooo. This movie. Basically it is like Hacksaw Ridge with out the entertainment value.

Knowing what I was going to get into and the length, I figured there was a good chance this movie makes me sleep. I told the rep, just let it be (and they always do), maybe record how much I sleep for this review. It turned out that only two critics came to this screening, including me, because others had it on DVD by then I guess and didn’t care for the big screen.

And you know what happened? The security guard woke me up. It was hard to pay attention early on, but I passed out, and I was shook awake with very little actually sleep. The nerve of that man. I didn’t want to be touched in the dark in my sleep, so then I had to battle and just force myself to stay awake which became a very unpleasant game.

At some point I needed to know how much time was left, feeling it was forever, so I went to the restroom, and found it at only half of the run time gone. Oh no. No no no no.

I got my stuff, wrote my note, and left. Yes, I walked out of the movie, halfway through, because of annoyance at security and getting very little out of the plot or story. It was more of the same from Malick. Maybe he dialed back a little bit of the whimsy for this one, but more of the goddamn same.

I read the plot outline on Wikipedia, and when I left he was already in prison and jailed in Berlin with his wife wondering where he was at. It seems very little happened after that, so I don’t know how it lasted another 90 minutes.

Oh wait, yes I do. Malick.

0 out of 4.

Red Sparrow is one of those films that seemingly comes out of nowhere and feels like it is part of something bigger. Like, is this an extended universe? It is certainly based off of a book, although I would have guessed a graphic novel.

In fact, from the trailers, one might just assume this is the Black Widow standalone film we have been waiting for. Russian school to train girls to be assassins and to use their bodies as weapons. Secrets. Yeah, this is just Black Widow.

But instead of Scarlett Johansson, we got Jennifer Lawrence, so that Disney doesn’t try and sue anyone’s ass off.

And if they sue anyone’s ass, they would potentially think twice before taking hers.

Dominika Egorova (Jennifer Lawrence) is one of the best ballerina’s in Moscow. She has risen up by her boot straps to train hard and become the best. Her mom is sick and relies on her job for doctors and a place to live. Oh, Dominika is also the niece of Vanya Egorov (Matthias Schoenaerts), someone high up in the Russian politics/military ladder, so maybe not entirely by her own bootstraps.

Then one day, an accident occurs, her leg gets broken on the stage, and her dancing career is done. That means her mom’s life is in jeopardy. Thankfully, her uncle knows a program that she can join. If she can find herself helping the Russian government, then the Russian government can find themselves helping her.

This is unfortunately a Sparrow program, to train young men and women officers to seduce anyone to get information needed, along with the ability to kill them should it come up. Oh good, selling his niece’s body to the government, what a swell family.

All of this ties into a separate plot, about American Nate Nash (Joel Edgerton), a member of the CIA who was also in Russia, dealing with a mole in their government, who accidentally put a target on his and the mole’s back.

Also starring Charlotte Rampling, Mary-Louise Parker, Bill Camp, Jeremy Irons, Sakina Jaffrey, and Ciarán Hinds.

See, I could probably withstand one Jennifer Lawrence. But two? One in mirror land?

Red Sparrow is one of those films that is going to appear to be much smarter than a normal movie, and it is unashamed about that. Because after all, the viewer has to be tricked and sold lies as well so the bigger reveals are more exciting.

However, before things could be revealed, I was left annoyed and bored with the movie already. It has layers and layers and layers of plot. Characters coming and going with some importance to the story. And you have to suffer through it all in order to get to the “cool ending.”

But it tries way too hard to be layered. It is so easy to get lost in it, that interest is unfortunately lost. I just didn’t care by the end about any of the characters. I didn’t care who would get quadruple crossed, who the mole was, or how people would get out of their tough situations.

It is over two hours long and full of itself.

It still had some decent moments early on, when I cared about where it was going. Some very different acting from Lawrence, and Schoenaerts does an amazing visual Putin. But this film is now forgettable for me, and not the Black Window solo film we deserved.

2 out of 4.

As a big man, I would like to think I was an expert on big splashes. It kind of just comes with the territory. Now, my belly flopping days are definitely over, as any attack to my stomach has me keeling over, but there is still a lot of back and ass available to turn your regular pool into a tidal pool.

That being said, I had no fucking clue what A Bigger Splash movie was about going in.

From the cast, it looked weird. From the director, it looked foreign. From the quick synopsis it looked pretentious.

However, had they told me there would be dancing, I would have watched it even sooner!

In this world, you would have heard the name Marianne Lane (Tilda Swinton). She was a big time rock superstar and world famous. Man could she sing. You just won’t hear a lot of that in this film, because she had some vocal problems and had to have some surgery. So now she is staying in a nice villa in a small island village in Italy to rest and get away from it all. She is staying with her long time boyfriend, Paul De Smedt (Matthias Schoenaerts).

This vacation is perfect for gratuitous amounts of sex and just being naked. But then they get found out. An old friend, Harry (Ralph Fiennes) figured out where they were staying. Old friend meaning producer and former boyfriend of Marianne. Despite his outgoing personality and awkward party past, they invite him to stay in their house. He also brought his 22 year old daughter, Penelope (Dakota Johnson), whom Harry just found out even existed.

A troubled past, the vacation setting, and not really knowing everyone lead to some very awkward circumstances. Especially when characters feel the past has not yet been fully settled.

Also featuring Corrado Guzzanti as a police officer, who looks like an older Italian Michael Shannon.

Shit, even I’d be willing to eat outside if ti looked like that.

First thing I learned is that A Bigger Splash is not just some weirdly Italian original film, it is a remake of an actual Italian film from 1969, La Piscine. Typical Hollywood, always remaking shit. (This is a joke, because this is not a Hollywood movie and no one fucking knows about La Piscine.)

Secondly, look at all the naked people. There are four famous people in this movie, and you will see them all. Some more than others. I got to see Ralph Fiennes’ Lobby Boy, if you catch my drift. I feel like everything Dakota Johnson has been in lately involves her just being naked half the time. It is almost ridiculous. If you hate the site of a naked body, you will not want to see this film.

Thirdly, Fiennes danced incredibly and I wish it was more of the film.

Those are all the weird points I had to make. If I had to talk about the movie itself, I would probably mention that the cinematography is gorgeous. And by gorgeous, I of course mean the setting. But also the camera was just straight up weird and all over the place in the film, almost a fifth main character.

The acting is top notch. The situations are awkward. The soundtrack and sound effects were on top.

I think my biggest problem is that it just felt so incredibly long. It is a little over 2 hours and the last 20-30 minutes seem to drag. Based on this type of movie, after the climatic events, I expected almost every scene after it would be the last. But no, it kept going and it really brought down the film for me.

You would be hard pressed to find a weirder movie this year, that also takes place in a realistic setting with realistic circumstances.

3 out of 4.

Eddie Redmayne, you son of a bitch. I feel like it was first announced before he even won his award for Best Actor for The Theory of Everything. You know, the news that he would be starring in a film next year called The Danish Girl.

The story for the first male to female transition. The first transgendered person to physically change their sex.

Holy fuck. What are you doing Redmayne? Are you that desperate for two acting awards? Or is this to make amends for Jupiter Ascending.

Either way, you should enjoy this Conan clip from awhile back about Redmayne and his history of playing women.

And this is where it all began.

Einar Wegener (Redmayne) is a young painter living in Copenhagen, Denmark in the 1920s. Life is wonderful. He lives with his wife, Gerda (Alicia Vikander), who is also a painter, but she mostly deals with portraits. Einar is successful at his landscapes and often has bidders. Gerda cannot get a show, because people don’t care about portraits, no matter how well done they are.

Their best friend is a dancer, Ulla (Amber Heard), who keeps flaking on their appointments, so Gerda uses Einar to finish the portrait. He just has to wear the tights and shoes and keep the same pose, no big deal. Either way, they all find it hysterical and they call this new persona Lili.

But it turns out Lili might not be something new. Maybe it goes way back in Einar’s wife when he was kid playing with one of his friends, Hans Axgil (Matthias Schoenaerts), a metal name if any. Either way, Einar doesn’t like public shows, but wants his wife to go to a big one to be scene for her art’s sake. And they agree that he should go in disguise, as Lily. It is very deceiving to everyone outside of their BFF. He is so good at being feminine!

Okay, I will stop beating around the bush. This act nor the first act made him realize he was a woman on the inside. But damn it, it certainly gets him on the path. The path that makes doctors think he should be locked up, to try radical treatments, and eventually, the right doctor who is willing to really listen to him and help. Also featuring Ben Whishaw, as a fellow Denmarkian who totally falls for Lili.

Yeah, I’d say he is a little bit convincing.

This rating is the same rating I gave to The Theory of Everything. I recognized how great Redmayne’s acting was, but the story just didn’t live up to his acting.

In this case, the story lived up to the acting, it just wasn’t as amazing as I had hoped.

Let’s be clear. Redmayne was beyond fantastic. At least a block or two past the word. His transition was incredibly believable. His mannerisms, his weight loss, his fucking everything. I can’t imagine a better person to do this role than him. A third of the way into it, I forgot it was Redmayne, and was so engrossed in the character.

I also need to talk about Vikander, who is having a killer year seemingly out of nowhere (See: Ex Machina, The Man From U.N.C.L.E.). Her character went through a lot as well, you know, having her husband lose attractiveness to her and come out as a woman. It was hard on her in real life, and you could see the pain in Vikander’s eyes, not sure what she should do or encourage. In fact, this film really should have been called The Danish Girls to a bit more accurate.

Some may say it is too much about the wife though. A lot of scenes from her point of view, keeping Lili a bit more of a mystery. It did a lot for the real Lili Elbe, but man, the filmmakers almost tried to make it about her wife and not her herself. (Is that grammatically correct? Screw it).

Despite the wonderful acting, there were slower moments. Sometimes they took too long to get to the next important scene. Some parts felt repetitive. But if Redmayne wins again (which I am not calling it yet, because there are some still great acting films coming out this year), it probably won’t feel repetitive, just awesome for a young great actor.

3 out of 4.

I can’t remember the first time I heard about the movie The Loft. I do know that it was supposed to come out in the fall of last year, but the date was pushed back til 2015, thanks to As Above, So Below.

Apparently, they were deemed to close and needed a breathing room of about 5-6 months between films. Huh.

Oh, because this is a thriller. A sexy thriller. With multiple people who have been in movies based on comics! Whoa. What could go wrong!

Well, it could be a total sausage fest I guess.

Five men. One room. Lots and lots of extramarital affairs. For whatever reason, let’s just say the extreme influence of a couple of individuals, they all wanted to cheat on their wives. So if they all put in together for a nice Loft in the city, they could go there at any point, sleep with their lady friend, and their wives wouldn’t know. Wouldn’t have to buy hotel rooms, they would be the only ones with a key. Nothing could go wrong.

UNTIL THEY SHOW UP ONE MORNING AND FIND A DEAD HOOKER ON THE BED.

Not just any dead hooker. Sarah Deakins (Isabel Lucas), who most of them had a relationship with in one way or another at some point. Not talking sex. But just general interactions with.

So five guys, five keys. Who did it? Who killed the woman? They can’t just call the police, or else all of their relationships will be rightfully ruined. So through a series of mostly flashbacks, the occasional police interrogation, and just general shouting match, we can maybe piece together who did what. Why people did things. And just who the hell is a killer?

It could be any of these men! James Marsden, Karl Urban, Wentworth Miller, Matthias Schoenaerts, or even Eric Stonestreet. Just, big gay man on Modern Family, Eric Stonestreet.

“I’ve never seen so many dead hookers in all my life!”

There isn’t a lot to say about this movie.

It was boring, it was dull, it was convoluted. Everyone is a scum bag, which is a hard film to watch. No one is the guy to root for, you just want them all to lose. Everyone sucks, some people just suck a little bit more.

And really, it was hard to follow at points. With flashbacks, interrogation scenes, and real time, it tried to build up suspense, but made me check the time left instead.

If I had to say one good thing about this movie is that sometimes…every once in awhile, the camera work was pretty nice. I guess? The only other thing I could say is…uhhh.

Well shit. That’s about it. Some nice camera work. Fuck this boring movie.

0 out of 4.

Of all the movies coming out this week, The Drop was the one I was most excited for (Outside of Atlas Shrugged: Who Is John Galt? but who knows when I will get to see that one!). Mostly because I didn’t have to see a trailer for it at all. Not a once. I got to go in mostly blind and just see what kind of story it would give me.

Exciting! All I knew was the main actors, setting, and some sort of thriller maybe.

So, to make sure no one gets to experience it like me, let me tell you about the plot and stuff!

It also features some guy who you might really want to see in movies before it is too late.

“Ain’t sayin’ no names or nuttin.”

Although they didn’t explicitly tell me the setting, I can almost guarantee this one takes place in Boston, in a drop bar. What is a drop bar? Well, a lot of illegal money changes hands in the city. Gambling, hookin’, drugs, you name it. Not the type of money you can just deposit without drawing questions from the tax man.

In order to keep the money safe, it is stored at a different bar every night, a huge network of them. Very few people know which bar will be before the day of and it is seemingly random. It helps prevent theft of that money and keeps the bars in check too.

This movie is about one of those bars, a drop of cash, and the people who work there. Namely, Bob (Tom Hardy) the kind and slightly slower bartender and his Cousin Marv (James Gandolfini), the owner/former owner.

It also features a neighborhood lady Nadia (Noomi Rapace), a kind of weird maybe ex (Matthias Schoenaerts), the mob (Michael Aronov), a detective on the case (John Ortiz) and a puppy. Yes, a damn puppy.

The puppy is of course secretly key to this whole damn thing.

This one was it. This is the last movie that James Gandolfini will ever appear in, as the only other thing with him in it not released is apparently a part in some never picked up pilot for Criminal Justice. And I think he went out on a good one. Enough Said was only okay, but The Drop? This is a good movie.

Speaking of actors in the movie we are talking about, what in the fuck Tom Hardy? His voice is so weird and unique in this movie. Once the opening narration started, I imagined it belonged to anyone but Tom’s character, but there you go. Whether it is accurate to the area, I don’t know (or give a fuck). It was interesting and it really seemed to work.

The story itself is a slow moving one and one that seems worth the wait. Arguably, the characters are all just so odd or weird on their own that even though it is not a comedy, the bizarness of the situation and accents kind of make it amusing. You know, in a darker or weird way.

Despite it wrapping up the story pretty nicely and being unique, I think I’d want some more of this setting. Fuck it. Give me a sequel.

But then again, in a year I might forget all about this movie. Hard to say. Yay Tom Hardy.

3 out of 4.